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This episode is a crazy little Ben Edlund special. There are some important revelations, but they're cloaked in a ton of surreal fun. Sam finds reports that indicate a possible vengeful spirit is haunting the shower facility at a woman's health center in Concrete, Washington. Hero that he is, Dean resolves to save them at any cost. In Concrete, all seems well at first. The woman who reported the shower spook seems more crazy than she does haunted, but little things seem off. There's a report of Big Foot wandering the town; a local man's just won $168 million in the lottery; Concrete's Geek Supreme is engaged to one of the hottest women around; and a little bully-magnet named Todd has developed super strength and is turning the tables on his oppressors.
Tracking Big Foot leads the Winchesters to a giant Teddy Bear who's come to life. His owner is a little girl named Audrey. She explains to the boys that she tossed a coin into a fountain at Lucky Chan's restaurant, and Teddy came to life. When Audrey's parents wished they were in Bali, they disappeared, so Audrey assumes they're in Bali. Sam and Dean pose as Teddy Bear doctors, and tell Audrey her bear has Lollipop Disease, so that they can interview it. The bear is drunk and (unsuccessfully) suicidal though, because his life has no purpose -- even though Audrey reminds him it's tea parties!
Posing as health inspectors, the boys drain the fountain at Lucky Chan's and find an ancient coin at the bottom that will not move -- even when Dean tries the sledge hammer and crow bar approach. Sam does a rubbing of it, and sends Dean off to research the image, but I'll tell you who's on it -- that's Raoul. Sam returns to the health club and discovers the shower spook is not actually a ghost -- just an awkward redheaded kid who is whiter than any ghost. He wished to be invisible, so that he could spy on naked women. The only person in Concrete who's actually being haunted is Dean -- and his tormenter is his own mind (Teddy doesn't count, because he's a bear). Dean remembers his time in Hell, even though he swears to Sam that he doesn't. His increased drinking and nightmares prove he's a LYING LIAR WHO LIES, though.
Dean identifies the image on the coin as that of Tiamat -- the embodiment of chaos (but I'm telling you -- it's Raoul). Although everything starts out nice when people make wishes, it soon turns bad, like the Italian sub with jalapeños that Dean ordered when he tested the wish theory. In order to remove the coin from the fountain and reverse the ever encroaching chaos, they need to find the first wisher. The Winchesters determine Geek Supreme -- Wesley Mondale probably made the first wish a month ago, right before his "surprise engagement" to local hottie Hope Lynn Casey. The boys track down Wesley and even his idyllic love affair is beginning to sour. Hope's more desperately in love than happily in love. They finally convince Wes that he's got to remove the coin from the fountain. Hope overhears them though, and sets out to thwart them, because she doesn't want their love to end. She's bewitched, bothered and bewildered. When Dean helps Todd-the-bully-magnet turn the tables on his oppressors without violence, Hope wishes Sam dead, and he's struck by lightning that blows him right out of his sneakers. Seeing what his wish has wrought convinces Wesley to do the right thing. He removes the coin from the fountain. Audrey's bear goes back to normal. Her parents come home from Bali. Todd's super-strength disappears. Sam is alive again. And? Hope doesn't even know who Wesley is.
After Sam has the coin melted down, Dean admits to him that he remembers every single thing that happened to him in Hell. He won't be a LYING LIAR WHO LIES about that anymore, but he's not going to talk about it with Sam, either. Dean says Sam could never understand, and he could never make him understand. I bet Teddy would understand.
week's episode is "I Know What You Did Last Summer." Sam catches Dean up on his solitary summer and how Ruby came to his rescue. The three of them team up to search for a woman who can hear angels.
Want more? The full recap starts right below! THEN! Dean groans as he struggles to rise from his own grave. What is it with TV shows dragging a character out of Hell (or Hea-ven) without pre-digging the grave? Castiel tells Dean, "I dragged you out of Hell; I can throw you back in. You should show me some respect." Show Barnes' eyes are burnt out of her head from looking upon Castiel's true visage. Dean fights Henrikson's ghost. Castiel tells Dean he'll have more decisions to make. Sam asks Dean what Hell was like. Dean, a LYING LIAR WHO LIES lies that he must have blacked it out, because he doesn't remember a damned thing. To emphasize that he's a LYING LIAR WHO LIES, Dean has a flashback to Hell. Castiel introduces Uriel, who appears to be the angel of rainbows, unicorns, and daisy meadows. Or maybe he's a Town Smiting Specialist, First Class. Uriel tells Sam that the only reason he's alive is because he's been useful. "The moment that ceases to be true, I will turn you to dust." They stare at one another, then Uriel adds, "Ask Dean what he remembers from Hell."NOW! Someone's in the shower. Is it Sam? Dean? (God forgive me) Castiel? No, it's some woman we've never seen before. Boo hiss. Someone nekkid lurks outside the shower in the shadows. It is Sam? Dean? (God forgive me) Castiel? No. It's some über-pale, naked red head, who looks like Malachi from Children of the Corn. Boo hiss. The woman continues to rinse her hair in that way male directors have women rinse their hair, which would remove no shampoo or conditioner, but it sure looks pretty on film. The woman shuts off the water and turns to face Malachi, who disappears into thin air, before she can see his nekkid self through the glass shower door. So yeah, she's a lucky duck. She wraps a towel around her body and another around her hair as the invisible Malachi watches. Still invisible, he leaves wet footprints across the floor as he approaches the woman. She hears him and calls out, "Hello? Is anybody there?" Nobody answers. She takes the towel off her head and throws it across the room. It lands, not on the floor, but on Malachi's still invisible head. In the mirror, she catches sight of her towel taking on a head shape and hanging (apparently) in mid-air. The woman turns to face her invisible stalker. He lets out a shaky, "Um, hello Mrs. Armstrong," and the TwoP mods spring into action, banning him for beginning a comment with um. [And don't PM me telling me he wasn't being rude. He's naked while spying on her, while she is naked. Rude. --Barnes] Armstrong lets out the kind of scream not heard since the RNC got the bill from Saks and Neiman Marcus. The title card flaps its way across the screen on bat-like angel wings. And? My spellcheck seems disabled. ASdfjasldkj. as;dlfj;a>L llooolk. Oh, crap. Dear editors, I'm sorry. I'll do my best. I used to be able to spell, but then I found the internet.
As Dean pounds down the four or five shots lined up in front of him, Sam says, "It just doesn't make any sense, Dean. I mean, why would Uriel tell me you remembered Hell, if you didn't?" Between shots, Dean, the LYING LIAR WHO LIES lies, "Maybe because he's a dick might -- have something to do with it." Sam says, "Maybe, but he's still an angel." The episode title card: "Wishful Thinking" appears onscreen. Dean says, "Yeah, an angel who was ready to level an entire town. Look..." The boys' waiter interrupts, and he's the goofiest character we've seen this side of the Ghostfacers. "Radical! What else can I get you guys?" He puts me in mind of this guy, but he's not as adorkable. The waiter tries to tempt the boys with fryer bombs or a chipotle chili-changa. Dean gives him the brush off. "Sam, honestly, I have no idea why Uriel told you what he did, okay?" He shrugs and downs another shot. Sam eyes the empty shot glasses on their table. "Right." Dean gets a little pissy. "What?" Sam says, "Fine, then look me in the eye and tell me you don't remember a thing from your time down under." Dean rolls his eyes and smiles. C'mon -- like he's never lied to Sam's face before. "I don't remember a thing from my time down under." Sam knows he's lying and is disgusted. Dean grows more insistent. "I don't remember, Sam!" Sam says he just wants to help, but Dean tells Sam he knows everything Dean does. Our goofy little waiter comes back, decked out with plenty of flair on his suspenders. "Outstanding! Dessert time, am I right? Listen bros, you have got to try our ice cream extreme... It's extreme!" Dean's about to lose it, so Sam says, "Uh... uh no extremities, please just the..." The waiter finishes for him: "Check? All right. Awesome!" Bye bye, little waiter.
Dean sticks a fry in his mouth, because he does his best talking when it's full of food. "All right, so where do we go from here?" The battle's done, and we kind of won, so we'll sound our victory cheer. Tell me, where do we go from here? Sorry, I'd promise that won't ever happen again, but I'd have to be a LYING LIAR WHO LIES. Sam's not sure. Things have looked quiet, lately. It's been three episodes since he's had sex, so Dean ogles a woman who passes their table, while Sam whips out his laptop (not a euphemism) and notes there's been one report of a vengeful spirit. He passes the computer to Dean as he gives him the back-story. "Up in Concrete, Washington -- eyewitness reports of a ghost that's been haunting the showers of a women's health facility." Dean nearly chokes on his beer. He wipes his mouth and closes the laptop, as Sam continues to explain. "The victim claims that the ghost threw her down a flight of stairs." Sam feels ignored. "I can see you're very interested." Dean takes out his wallet and shakes his head. "Women? Showers? We've got to save these people." He throws his money on the table, because he's Frat Boy Dean, right now.
In downtown Concrete, the sun is shining and so is Metallicar as she pulls into town. The mountains in the background are gorgeous. Since they shoot in Vancouver, I like it when they set their stories in the Pacific Northwest or other mountainous regions, or heck, just non-flat regions, and take advantage of their glorious surroundings. It just doesn't look like Kansas, Kripke. You know what I'm saying? The boys pull up to a row of shops and such, and Dean stops in front of "Lucky Chin's" to let Sam out while he goes to park. A Buddha fountain features prominently in the restaurant. Ted Raimi, looking like Louis Skolnick, strolls by, canoodling with a beautiful woman. We'll call Ted Wesley and the woman Hope, because we'll later learn those are their names, and there are a lot of characters to keep straight in this episode. Hope whispers sweet nothings to Wes, and can't keep her hands off him.
At another table, Mrs. Armstrong, wearing a light blue sling on her right arm, drones on to Sam that she's not surprised the spirit world chose to make contact with her. "I'm something of a... natural sensitive." Multi-tasking, Sam tries to listen like he believes her, while he attempts to keep track of his eyes as they roll clear across the floor. I think one just bounced up into that fountain. "I can sense that about you, Candace, that whole... sensitive thing." Is he flirting? What would Ruby say? Ruby's host might be relieved. Er... not that there's anything going on there. Only a demonic mind would imply such a thing. (I may have gotten e-mail about my Sam/Ruby innuendo being worded too strongly, but I'll never tell. My lips are sealed. I take the fifth. I'll never... tell. Ahem.) Candace says, "So what did you say you were calling your book?" That should totally be their cover, all the time, don't you think? The original premise for the show was a roving reporter. I'm glad we have our hunters, but I like the tie-in. Sam says, "Oh, well, um -- well the working title is Supernatural." SHOUT OUT! Wait. Can they shout out to themselves? Should they? Does it count? I get the feeling Jared Padalecki felt a little silly, there. "Yeah, I've been crossing the country gathering stories like yours. Anyways, you were telling me about your encounter." As she explains how she saw the apparition and started to run, Sam gets an eyeful of Wes making out with Hope, and he can't believe what he's seeing. Realizing he's been ignoring his subject, Sam asks if the ghost chased her. Candace Armstrong says, "Not just that, it knew my name. It kept yelling, "Mrs. Armstrong, Mrs. Armstrong, and that's when I hit the stairs and fell." Sam looks surprised. "You fell? The ghost didn't push you?" Candace doesn't know. She thinks maybe it did. Sam asks if she felt like it meant to hurt her. She says, "It was a ghost. I'm lucky to be alive! Anyway, I was at the bottom of the stairs, and that's when it got weird. It helped me up." Sam does a double take. "Say again?" Candace laughs. "Yeah. It helped me up. And it kept saying over and over, 'Please, don't tell my mom'." Sam tries to keep his poker face. "Yeah, that's weird."
Metallicar waits alone outside the health club. Sam walks by her with nary a glace, and toward Dean who is sitting on the club steps, reading the local paper. Don't feel bad, Baby. You're like the luckiest girl in this whole episode. Really. The headline announces, "Local Man Wins $168M Lottery." Beneath it, there's a picture of the man and a caption that reads: "LUCKY: George Neuman, a resident of Concrete, won yesterday's lottery." Dean didn't get any EMF readings in the shower or anywhere else, and says, "This house is clean." Sam's not surprised. He says he's pretty sure that "Crazy pushed Mrs. Armstrong down the stairs." Dean's disappointed. Sam guesses that's because he wanted to save some naked women. Dean says, "Damn right I wanted to save some naked women." How do they come up with this enthralling dialogue?
As they walk to a nearby pier, a gang of kids is chasing the littlest one of the group. Dean yells, "Run, Forrest. Run." That was MEAN, DEAN. The poor kid looks about seven years old. Sam's used to Dean being a dick (not my words -- his), so he shrugs it off, and announces it doesn't look like there's anything going on in Concrete. Our boys happen upon an older, outdoorsy looking man yelling at the local sheriff. Gus has a large gash on his forehead and claims to have seen Bigfoot. Sheriff Hal tries to convince him it must have been a bear, but Gus knows a bear's tracks when he sees them, and this thing was huge. Sam and Dean wander over and Sam injects himself into the conversation. "'Scuse us. F.B.I." The sheriff says, "Are you frigging kidding me? He's just reporting it, this instant! Oh my stars, I've been bugged. I hope they didn't take note of my long, liquid lunches at Delilah's Den. Obama better fix the economy first and do something about that Patriot Act, second." Or maybe he just says, "What?" Sam, having no idea what the men are discussing says, "Yes sir, we're here about the... um... that," and gestures toward Gus. Luckily, the sheriff is too surprised to be tight-lipped. "About Bigfoot?. Sam presses for more information, and Gus agrees to show them exactly where he ran across the beast.
Alone, in the forest, the Winchesters try to puzzle out what's going on in Concrete -- first with the unreal ghost, and now the Bigfoot sighting. Dean wonders if someone spiked the drinking water with LSD, and then they spot it. There are big, funny looking footprints, in the mud, right in front of them. They're nearly as wide as long, and the toe impressions are as round as can be. It's like no Bigfoot track I've ever seen -- either in hoax-documentation or film. They can only agree it was left by a big... foot. Why it's even bigger than Padalecki's feet!
They follow the tracks to a packy. That's the traditional term for liquor stores (i.e. package stores) in Boston, but it seems to be fading away and Scott and I are against it, so I'm starting our crusade to re-establish it, right in this recap. Where was I? Yes. Sam and Dean follow the tracks to a packy. Someone's broken in and trashed the place. There are broken bottles and booze all over the floor. Dean crouches to examine two of them. "Amaretto and Irish Cream -- he's a girl-drink drunk." Heh. They notice the entire porn rack has been wiped out, and find an odd tuft of brown fur. While sitting on a bench outside the packy, the boys try to figure out this wacky plot. Sam figures it's got to be a joke -- maybe someone in a gorilla suit. Dean says it could be a Bigfoot. "You know, and he's some kind of a... alcoholo-porno addict. Kind of like a deep woods Duchovny." Low blow, El Deano. After Dean tries to refrain from laughing at his own joke, a little girl rides by on a bike. She's got a yellow milk crate strapped to the back of it, and it's full of stuff. A Busty Asian Babes magazine flies off the top and lands at the boys' feet. Let's think of that moment as Duchovny's Revenge. Dean notes that the child is, "A little young for Busty Asian Beauties." Indeed. She leaves a box of magazines and liquor bottles on the back steps of the packy, with a big "Sorry" note lying on top, and rides home. She is followed by...
Ah, it's just Sam and Dean, but it's a little creepy to see our intrepid heroes following a little girl, don't you think? Her name is Audrey, by the way. They knock on the door and Audrey answers. They ask for her parents, but they're not home. This is a cute scene, because it's clear the boys feel awkward stalking this child. Dean finally asks, "Have you seen a really really furry..." Audrey cuts him off. "Is he in trouble?" Sam says he's not; they just want to make sure he's okay. Audrey says, "He's my teddy bear. I think he's sick," which gives the boys their cover as Teddy Bear Doctors. No. Really. They quickly flash badges at her, and she invites them in to take a look at Teddy. Dean's face is all, "I'm going to Hell to stay, this time," as he crosses the threshold. Audrey warns the boys that Teddy is grumpy. She knocks on the door and tells him there are some nice doctors there to see him. When she opens it, a man-sized teddy bear is seated on the edge of the bed, rocking back and forth as he drinks himself silly, while watching some account of a tragedy on the news. He yells, "Close the frigging door!" The little girl obeys then whispers, "See what I mean." The boys can't believe their eyes and we go to commercial, which gives me time to stop laughing.
Audrey rants that all she ever wanted was for her Teddy to be real, and now he is, but he's sad all the time, and sick in his head, and smells like the bus. She reveals he became real after she wished for it by tossing a coin into the wishing well at Chin's. Dean opens the door to see Teddy again. The bear, in the throes of an existential crisis, bemoans the state of the world. "Why am I here?" Audrey is exasperated. "For tea parties!" I'm sure it loses something without the actress's delivery, but that was probably the best line of the night. Teddy no longer finds solace in tea (he should switch to decaf), so Dean leaves him to his misery and shuts the bedroom door. Sam asks Audrey to give them a second to talk, and they walk down the hall a bit. He whispers to Dean, "Are we... should we... Are we going to kill this teddy bear?" Dean's still trying to let it all sink in. "How? How? Shoot it? Burn it?" Sam says he doesn't know. He looks over his shoulder at Audrey then back at Dean. "Both." Dean's all agitated. "How do we know that's even going to work? I don't want some giant, flaming, pissed off Teddy on our hands." I think I'm going to die. Sam adds that he doesn't think the bear is the core problem here. He asks Audrey where her parents are. She says "My Mom wished they were in Bali, so I think they're in Bali." They tell her that the bear has Lollipop Disease and it's really contagious, so they hustle her off to stay with her neighbor Mrs. Hurley, down the street.
At Chin's, Todd (the little boy who was being chased by the bullies) tosses a coin into the well. He brushes past Sam and Dean as they enter. Dean decides to test if the well really grants wishes by tossing in a coin. A delivery man walks in and says, "Did somebody order a foot long Italian with jalapeño?" Bingo! Soon, they're seated at a table, while Dean eats his Italian sub (in the Chinese restaurant, mind you). They decide it works, because his wish was specific. Dean points out the headline about lottery winner, George Neuman. Sam gestures toward the lovely Hope Lynn Casey, who is still fawning over geeky Wesley Mondale. Dean feels like stopping people's wishes from coming true is a douche-y thing to do. Sam reminds him that these things always have consequences, so they agree to put a halt to the wishes, until they figure out what's going on. The owner comes over to tell the boys they can't eat outside food in his restaurant, so they pull out their Health Inspector badges (after Dean pulls out a couple of the wrong badges) and indicate there are reports that the place is infested with rats. They make him shut it down, and drain the fountain.
After they send Mr. Chin away, Dean tosses Sam a coin and tells him to make a wish. Sam refuses, because it wouldn't be real. He wouldn't trust it. Dean wants to know what he would wish for -- if he could wish himself back to "before it all started." He imagines Sam as a big lawyer living a picket fence life. Sam says, "Not what I'd wish for." Dean questions this. Sam says, "It's too late to go back to our old lives, Dean. I mean, I'm not that guy anymore." Dean still wants to know Sammy's wish. "Lilith's head on a plate. Bloody." Dean smiles at first, and says, "Okay," but his face falls as he looks away from Sam and back down to the fountain. They notice an ancient coin at the bottom that will not move -- even when Dean tries the sledgehammer and crow bar approach, which breaks the hammer, and sends the head flying about two inches from Mr. Chin. They realize magic is protecting the well. Sam does a rubbing of the coin, and sends Dean off to research the image, but I'll tell you who's on it -- that's Raoul. [Raoul only wishes he were that slender. -- Demian]
At the health club, a blonde woman is brushing her hair as wet footprints make their way toward her. Sam bursts into the room. She's not naked, but she's only wearing a towel. Dean is going to be so pissed he had to do the image research. Sam lays a hand upon the invisible boy's shoulder, and the redheaded boy reappears. The woman is shocked. Sam tells her he's with the Health Department, as she runs off. Sam lets the boy know his contempt for the fact that he dropped a coin in a fountain and wished to become invisible, so he could spy on women in the shower. The boy stutters out a denial, but all Sam says to him is, "Put on some pants." He punctuates his words with sharp pokes to the boy's chest. "And stay... visible." The boy agrees and mopes off.
While walking through town, Dean stares at little Todd chasing his tormentors. The child stops. "You got a problem, mister?" Dean says he doesn't, so Todd glares at him, then rejoins the chase. Dean's stomach rumbles and lurches, and I'm pretty sure he was wrong about not having a problem...
Sam enters their motel room, to hear the melodic strains of his brother puking his guts out. I hate vomit on TV. I hate the sound of it. I hate the sight of it. I'm gagging typing about it, while thanking all that's holy that there's no such thing as Smell-O-Vision. You're not getting any more detail. When Sam calls out to him, Dean says, "The wishes turn bad, Sam. The wishes turn very bad." He attempts to come out of the bathroom and talk to Sam, but has to return almost immediately. I said no details! We finally learn that Dean found some fragments of a legend -- the legend of Tiamat. "The Babylonian god of primordial chaos." (But I'm telling you -- it's Raoul.) Although everything starts out nice when people make wishes, it soon turns bad, just like Dean's 10 Inch hero, er... foot long Italian. In order to remove the coin from the fountain and reverse the ever encroaching chaos, they need to find the first wisher, before things get even crazier. You want crazy? I'll give you crazy. Dean then drinks a beer -- right after he's heaved his guts out. Gag. And just to trump that crazy, we...
Cut to Audrey's house. There's a message on her chalkboard. "Life is meaningless. Signed, T. Bear." Oh, my. Teddy sits on the bed, crying, with a shotgun stuck in his mouth. The camera pans behind him. There's a blast! And fluff. Everywhere! I rewind it three times, before I let it continue on long enough to see that Teddy survives. The camera pans to the back of his head, which is still smoking from the shot, but poor old T. Bear is still sitting upright. He turns directly to the camera and screams, "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?"
At the motel, Sam does some research as Dean has another dream of Hell. He twitches and moans in his sleep until Sam says, "Dean, wake up!" Sam asks if he slept well. Dean reaches for the bottle beside his bed and grunts. "Tan, rested and ready." He takes a swig. Sam's had enough. Between the nightmares and the drinking, he knows Uriel was telling the truth and that Dean remembers Hell. "I'm your brother. I wish you'd talk to me." Dean puts on his well-worn mask of false bravado, and picks up the newspaper. "Be careful what you wish for." He changes the subject to the job and asks Sam what he has. Sam gives up. "We've got Teddy Bear, Lottery Guy, Invisible Pervert Guy -- they all must have wished sometime in the last two weeks, but who wished first? And how are we supposed to know who else wished and when?" Dean smiles. "Well, it helps if they announce it in the paper." He puts it down in front of Sam and notes that the announcement goes back a month. Sam reads the notice of Hope Lynn Casey's "surprise engagement" to Wesley Mondale. Dean says, "Ah, true love." Sam says, "It's the best lead we've got." And I start anticipating all the gender issues that are going to arise in this subplot. They're sitting with me about as well as Dean's sandwich sat with him.
Wesley is dozing in front of the TV, just as Captain Blood begins. Hope wakes him for a little "snack" -- a full roast chicken dinner, complete with those cute little chef's hats on the end of the drumsticks. When he says she didn't have to do that, she insists she wanted to. "Well, no, I... I had to, because I love you more than anything, lover." He asks her to sit down, and asks her if she's happy. She can only answer, "I love you more than anything." He knows, and gently he says he loves her too, which is why he wants her to start doing things that used to make her happy before they fell in love. She gets extremely stressed out, and pleads with him not to be angry with her (which he isn't). "I'd just die. I'd just die." Oh my word. Look, he's put the whammy on this girl, so she's love sick, right? I -- have to ignore the troublesome acquaintance rape implications here, because this woman is not capable of consent -- consent has been thrust upon her. This show is not Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I'll spoil this subplot right now, to let you know we're not even going to get the small satisfaction we got from the Warren/Katrina storyline. In fact, I'll quote her right now, so I can get on with the recap. "Bunch of little boys playing at being men. This is not some fantasy! It's not a game, you freaks! It's rape!" I really would have preferred to keep quoting the musical, but someone had to say it, and it wasn't going to be Edlund. Dammit. Now I'll share my handwavium, for those of you who, like me, need to get past this part, in order to get through the story. It goes like this. We never see Hope and Wes have sex. They never say they're having sex. Okay, they're probably having sex, but we don't have to interpret the wish-spell to be a date rape drug. We can interpret it as a lie, instead. And yet, she's still not capable of giving her consent, is she, so strike that. Frig. I mean, look how freaked out she was, just because Wes kindly asked her to make sure she does stuff to make herself happy. Oh, crap. It is rape. It is. After one airing, I could handwave it away, and now I can't. I wasn't any help at all, was I? This show has more issues with sex and race than a year long subscription to Busty Asian Beauties. Let's move on, shall we?
Wes convinces Hope he's not angry, and then she turns all sex-kittenish. "Let me make it up to you, Wes. Let me make it right." She moves in, and makes to unbutton his shirt, when thank heaven the blessed doorbell rings, because I already and quite clearly stated, "Let's move on, shall we?" Hope answers the door. It's Sam and Dean. They're posing as florists, there to make a bid on the wedding, so Hope scurries off to get her folders. Wesley recognizes them from Chin's as the guys from the Health Department. Sam says, "Yeah, and florists, on the side." Dean says, "Plus, F.B.I., and on Thursdays, we're Teddy Bear doctors." I do love meta when it's done right. So, Dawn's in trouble. Must be Tuesday. Wes says, "Huh?" and Dean says all that matters is what they know. They get to the point when they notice some old coin collections displayed on the wall. Wes denies dropping a coin into the fountain at the restaurant, and Hope returns with her wedding materials. When she drops that Wesley is between jobs right now (which makes him... more attractive to her) the boys pump her for information on how they met. "It's the funniest thing. We both grew up here. I never really knew who he was -- not by name, anyway. Until one day last month, oh, it was like I just saw him. For the first time, he was just glowing. Oh, just glowing." She rubs his face and is clearly getting amorous. Wes tries to distract her by asking her to get them some coffee, but she starts smooching his face off. He mutters uncomfortable okays between kisses, and the look on Sam and Dean's faces are just precious, here. It's like all the proof they need that this poor woman is under a spell, and Wes knows it.
Sam says, "Wes, we know, so tell us the truth." I'm too tired to pick on that line the way it deserves. Hope listens in from the kitchen as Wes explains that his grandfather found the coin in North Africa, in WWII. He said it was a real wish granting coin and that no one should ever use it. His grandfather was all he had, and after his death, Wes decided to try... go against his grandfather's wishes. He and Sam should get along just fine. Sam says, "Yeah, well now you're going to wish it back." In the kitchen, Hope catches her breath. Wes refuses to comply at first. Dean says, "If you don't stop it, something bad's going to happen." Sam adds, "Something bad, like us." Shouldn't that be Dean's line? Sam really isn't the same guy. Wes looks at them all like make me, so Dean discretely shows him his gun. "We really wish you'd come with us."
From the backseat of Metallicar, Wes slumps like a pouty teenager as he tries to rationalize his actions, but Sam and Dean aren't having any of it. I'm not quoting them though, because I'm mad at them. Although they condemn Wes for making the wish, and correctly assess that his relationship with Hope is "dysfunctional," there's never a thought for the reality of what's happening to this woman. She's been brainwashed into thinking she loves this guy. It's all discussed from the point of view that it's going south -- with nary a thought to the fact that it was wrong from the get-go. By the way Raimi (and I understand he's a Supernatural fan who sought a guest appearance) is fabulous in this episode. He makes it difficult to dislike Wes, but I'm wearing my resolve face. The car hits something in the road, but the guys can't see anything. As Metallicar drives off, we see nekkid Malachi. Again. Ugh. We won't get into the gender issues in that plotline, but they're also a mess. The boys give Wes their fatalistic worldview: you're not supposed to get what you want. That's sort of depressing, boys. Have you considered taking an SSRI? Wes counters that it's easy for good looking "jerks" like them (which I enjoy a little too much on account of my still being miffed at them), because women look at them. There's more fatalism: People are the miserable bastards they are because they never get what they want, but if they got what they wanted, they'd end up crazy. Dean says, "Take a look at Michael Jackson. Or Hasselhoff." Let's see -- Duchovny, Jackson, Hasselhoff. Kripke and Edlund are lucky only 47 of us watch this show (and that includes Raoul) or he'd be making some Hollywood enemies.
Wes counters that Hope loves him now, "Completely. Besides, look around. Where's all this insanity you guys were talking about?" In town, Todd's tormentors are hiding from him in the sort of ginormous SUV that must have been impossible to keep gassed up until the economy landed in the hopper. Todd's outside it, and it's plain the other boys are scared to death of him. And they should be. He tips the SUV over on its side, without breaking a sweat. Dean tells Wes, "Well, that should cover it, as Todd bellows, "KNEEL BEFORE TODD!" Okay, that's tied with the tea party line. He shakes his fists and hollers again. "KNEEL BEFORE TODD!"
Todd shakes the SUV by pushing on its now exposed undercarriage. Dean hops out of the car to try to intervene and tells Sam to get Wes to "Lucky Chin's." Dean tells Todd he knows the other kids have been bullying him. Todd says it's been every day and Dean does not know what it's like. Dean says, "Well no, I don't." And smiles! "'But you're you and I'm me, so..." Oh, Todd. Go ahead and make him kneel, honey. Todd explains that he couldn't stop them. "But then Audrey Elmer told me the wishing well worked." Dean tells them that they're stupid little jerks, but Todd is super-human. "And with great power, comes great r..." Todd punches Dean in the face and sends him flying through the air and into a pile of trash, which he totally deserves, right now.
Sam and Wes pull up to Lucky Chin's. Wes is still in disbelief over a little kid turning over a car. Sam says, "You should have seen the teddy bear. Now come on, it's time to pull the coin." Wes doesn't move from the curb. "Well, why can't we just get what we want." Sam says, "Because that's life, Wes," and then lightning strikes him, and blows him clean out of his sneakers. He lands on the sidewalk. Dead. Again? Hey, I've died twice. If Dean sells his soul to T. Bear to get him back (or barfs up a snake), I am out. That's all Wes needs. He walks right over Sam's corpse and into the restaurant, where he finds Hope standing in front of the fountain. "I had to do it, didn't I? He was going to make you wish away our love."
Dean struggles his way out of the trash heap and storms back toward Todd. "Hey kid, I didn't want to have to do this." He punches Todd in the face, which is so frigging disturbing and hurts his hand. Yay! Ahem, I mean poor Dean. Todd throttles him, and we cut to Chin's. Wes can't believe Hope wished a man dead. She says she had to. She loves him more than anything -- more than herself -- more than life. He tells her to stop saying that, but she can't, of course, because that was his wish. She begs him not to hate her and they kiss. As they embrace, he assures her everything will be all right. He reaches into the fountain to pull out the coin. We cut to Todd, still throttling Dean. We cut to Sam, still dead. Wes pulls the coin out. A change comes over Hope's face. Todd releases Dean. Sam gasps and wakes.
As Dean struggles to breathe, Todd looks like he's going to cry. Dean rises to his feet. "Okay, follow my lead and you won't have a problem." Dean backs his way over to where the former tormentors are climbing out of the SUV, shouting, "Okay man. No more. No more!" He looks at the bullies. "I wouldn't mess with this kid anymore, if I were you," turns, smirks and walks off. Todd faces them, and one of the boys pleads, "Stay back." Todd smiles and walks away.
In the restaurant, Hope blinks her eyes a few times, and looks around. Wes faces her. "Hope?" She looks at him. "Do I know you?" And even though the restaurant is otherwise empty, she can't be bothered to pay him any more mind than that. She walks out into the sunshine, and gives a curious look to Sam as she passes by. Live well, pretty Hope. Wes exits the restaurant, to the strains to a piece of mournful music I like to think of as, "Pity the Poor Rapist." But I wouldn't, even if this weren't TelevisionWithoutPity.com. He hands Sam the ancient coin of Raoul, then leaves -- hopefully for a long walk off a short pier.
The headline of the Concrete News Daily reads: "Winning Lottery Ticket a Fake." Sheesh. Poor George Neuman. For him? I have pity. Holding the original and regular sized T. Bear, Audrey and the badly-sunburned elder Elmers, who seem to be in a daze, walk down the pier. They approach Dean, who is sitting on a bench, and Audrey waves to him. We get a close shot of the back of the bear's head. It's still got the gunshot "wound" which has been semi-secured with some bright red tape. Dean smiles at Audrey as she passes. He waves afterwards, which makes no sense. Oh crap, here comes a rant. Now, if Teddy was back to normal with no gunshot wound, I could handwave away Hope's story, by convincing myself that the wish was undone, and Wes was just left with the memory of it, as his punishment. But since bear still bears his wound, Hope must bear hers, even if she can't remember it, or her assailant.
Sam meets up with Dean and informs him the coin has been melted down and shouldn't cause any more trouble. But we never see it, so we're taking his word for it here. Ahem. Dean says, "Audrey's parents are back from Bali. Looks like all the wishes are gone. And so are we." They walk down the pier and Sam exhales sharply. Dean licks his lips and stops. "Hang on a second." When Sam wants to know why, Dean says, "You were right. I shouldn't have lied to you. I do remember everything that happened to me in the pit. Everything." I think I was in hea-ven. Sorry. He doesn't say anything about heaven at all. Sam asks him to tell him about it. Dean looks him straight in the eyes. "No. I won't lie anymore, but I'm not going to talk about it." Sam says, "Dean, look, you can't just shoulder this thing alone. You've got to let me help." Dean says, "How? Do you really think that a little heart-to-heart -- some sharing and caring is going to change anything? Huh? Somehow... heal me? I'm not talking about a bad day, here." Sam rolls his eyes. "I know that." Dean nearly tears up. "The things that I saw? There aren't words. There is no forgetting. There's no making it better. Because it is right here." He taps two fingers to his temples. "Forever." His face breaks as if he's about to cry, but he swallows it down. "You wouldn't understand. And I could never make you understand. So, I am sorry." Sam gulps, and says nothing as he looks at his broken big brother. Dean can no longer hold his gaze, and looks off over the water as the camera zooms out. Dean starts walking away. Sam follows a few steps behind. Always behind. And we fade to black.
Cindy is substituting for Demian while he's in Bali, or something. You can write to her and Teddy at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com.
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