Episode Report Card Demian: A | 4 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Hardy Boys Got This Plan
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 12 | Aired on 02.20.2008
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Our Intrepid Heroes' search for Posh Bela leads them to Monument, Colorado, but unfortunately for them, she's already two states away by the time they arrive to ransack her hotel room. Also unfortunately for them, she took the time before she skedaddled to inform the local constabulary of their presence in The Centennial State, which is very bad for the boys indeed, for as you'll recall, Sam and Dean have been on the run from the law since the middle of last season. And sure enough, when the cops come a-knocking, Special Agent Henriksen is right there with them, just itching to sling Our Dear Boys' tantalizing derrieres into the town clink before transferring them to a maximum security prison in Nevada under the orders of his superior, the Federal Bureau of Investigation's Deputy Director...Peter DeLuise, of TV's 21 JumpStreet! Nice promotion, Pete.
However, in yet more bad news -- this time for everyone involved -- Deputy Director Peter DeLuise has actually been possessed for the last several months or so by one of those pesky little clouds of bitterly black dark demonic goo that escaped from The Devil's Trap back in Wyoming, and the situation at the station house quickly goes straight to hell when he and a few of his pals manage to slaughter everybody, with the notable exceptions of Our Intrepid Heroes (of course), Henriksen, one of the sheriff's deputies, and the department's sweet little virginal secretary, Nancy. Henriksen, now convinced Dashing El Deano knew what he was taking about when the latter blathered on and on about The Underworld and such during their last run-in, quickly frees the lads, and the five survivors of the initial massacre barricade themselves in the station house behind lines of road salt after thirty more of Satan's minions arrive to possess a bunch of random Coloradans, who then lurk menacingly out in the parking lot.
And just when things are at their bleakest, Princess Sparkle prances in with a plan: There's a spell she can recite that'll destroy every dark demonic force within a mile, but she's got to rip Nancy The Virgin's heart out first. Brave little Nancy agrees to this solution as it'll save the lives of dozens of her friends and neighbors, but Our Intrepid Heroes most vociferously nix it in favor of allowing the possessed into the building for a showdown brimming with shotgun blasts and fisticuffs that ends when Henriksen broadcasts an exorcism through the jail's public address system.
And then an ancient Mesopotamian storm demon shows up and kills them all. Well, except for Sam and Dean, of course. Even worse? The nasty demonette decided to corporealize as a creepy little preadolescent girl, and Raoul is officially traumatized for the rest of his days. You see, The Wicked Witch Of The West they mentioned a couple of episodes ago is actually Lilith, and there's nothing she'd like more than to have Darling Sammy's freakish Cro-Magnon skull on a platter. But how will it all end, you ask? For the answer to that question, my friends, I'm afraid we'll have to wait until April. Sucks, doesn't it? Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Rattle, Rattle THEN! Once upon a time, Bobby hoped Our Intrepid Heroes were ready, because the bozos let G.I. Jake open a damned door to Hell in the middle of nowhere in Wyoming, and now hundreds of Satan's minions stalk the earth, apparently waiting for some signal to begin The War That Is About To Begin Any Second Now, We Promise! Also, something crawled up Special Agent Victor Henriksen's ass and died there, so he set about making Sam and Dean's lives hell over the course of a couple of excellent episodes. Meanwhile, Princess Sparkle had a rather complicated backstory that nobody cared about, but she did want to help Darling Sammy for whatever mysterious reason, so she gets to stick around for a little while, because Darling Sammy was the Superest of The Ceiling Demon's super-special mommy-free and -having children last season, and now a lot of black-eyed skanks want him dead. And finally, Posh Bela stole The Fucking Colt That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't, and for this, she must die. Well, for that, as well as for imperiling Darling Sammy's life by swiping the furry fetish, for shooting Darling Sammy in one of his otherwise remarkably healthy shoulders, for impounding the Impala, for siccing Whackjob Gordon on Our Dear Boys, and for whatever the hell she's about to do tonight. And then?
Silence, Silence NOW! Sam and Dean slam through a door in "Monument, Colorado," and make with the Tough-Guy Jazz-Hands as they scamper through what had been Posh Bela's hotel room until the massive irritation decamped from the joint mere moments before Our Intrepid Heroes arrived, as they discover when the obnoxious wretch dials the room's phone from her cell to boast over her narrow escape. She's placed The Fucking Colt in the passenger seat of her car, by the way, nestled in a towel she swiped from the hotel's bathroom, and she attempts banter with Dashing El Deano for an aggravatingly lengthy period of time before she finally smugs, "You're about to be quite occupied -- did you really think I wouldn't take precautions?" On cue, about a half-dozen deputies from the local sheriff's department boot their way into the room with firearms drawn, shouting for Sam and Dean to hit the deck, pronto. Yep, Posh Bela ratted them out to the cops, and as those cops proceeded to arrive in the company of Special Agent Henriksen of the FBI, there is now absolutely no reason whatsoever for Our Dear Boys to refrain from shooting her in her obnoxious face the instant they run into her again. "DEATH TO THE AGGRAVATING BINT!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, quite simply appalled over the fact that she's been allowed to linger for so long, especially after what she did to Darling Sammy's shoulder all those many episodes ago. "Absolutely inexcusable behavior!" Raoul shrieks again, clutching at his imaginary pearls. "What did that dear little lad's shoulder ever do to her, I ask you?!" I have no idea, Raoul, but you know I feel the same way, so might I continue? "Of course! It's best not to dwell on such unpleasantness!" Excellent point, my scaly friend. So, as various Monument deputies squish Our Intrepid Heroes into the low-pile carpeting, Mirandizing them while slapping on handcuffs and leg irons, Henriksen strides in from the hall to loom above them all and, after allowing for an appropriate pause to bask in his triumph, or whatever, he grins, "Hi, guys! It's been a while!" Darling Sammy's wild-eyed with panic, but weary El Deano simply lets his tired little face drop into the...