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So, Whackjob Gordon's out of the joint, and after handing an ancient and invaluable hoodoo charm over to Posh Bela in exchange for dirt on Our Intrepid Heroes' current location, he and Krazy Kubrick chase down Sam and Dean, fully intent upon plugging both of the boys full of holes, but none of that is important at all. Nope, what's important is that the lonely and vengeful vampire the boys are hunting at the moment infects Gordon, thereby most brilliantly turning the lunatic into the very thing he hates most in the world, and it only gets even more awesome from there when Gordon escapes the vampire's lair (after ripping the heads off two of the vamp's freshly created "daughters" with his bare hands, by the way) and munches on a hapless motorist before retreating to Krazy Kubrick's Magic Eyes Jesus RV, where he confesses everything to his batshit friend right before punching a hole through the guy's rib cage with his fist and ripping out Kubrick's heart. And then? He lures the boys to an abandoned riverfront warehouse, separates them from each other, and speechifies at Darling Sammy for so long, Sam has little choice but to snatch up a length of razor wire, wrap it around Gordon's neck, and pull until Gordon's head pops off! This is, like, the best episode of any television show, ever!
And that's not all! On the fraternal front, Sam and Dean finally -- finally -- drop all of the bullshit pretense and aggravatingly macho bravado that's marred the season thus far to level with each other regarding Dean's imminent demise, with Darling Sammy delivering a most heartfelt monologue on the value he finds in their relationship and how much losing Dean is going to suck, and Dashing El Deano -- grab a Kleenex -- teaching Sam how to fix the Impala. I...I think I have something in my eye.
By far the best episode they've produced in months. Do you think Sera Gamble would say yes if I asked her to marry me? Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Demian and Raoul are taking a much-deserved vacation after last week's torture of an episode. It doesn't seem fair that as a result, I got hold of the best episode of the season, but I seem to have undue luck with that kind of thing, as Joe R will be only too bitter to tell you. ["Joe R is still not speaking to you. As you know." -- Joe R] Maybe I should check my possessions for a cursed rabbit's foot. Speaking of...
Then: Heh, like you need me to tell you what's happened on this show. Whackjob Gordon, Posh Bela -- let's get to it.
Now: Posh Bela, carrying a metal-plated briefcase, remotely unlocks her car, which is parked in some grassy, secluded-looking spot that makes me think she's been up to something of her typical dubious ethical standards. When she reaches her vehicle, she's startled to see Whackjob Gordon reflected in the window, but she quickly recovers, turning and telling him that it's rude to sneak up on people. He calls her by name, and she replies, "You have me at a disadvantage." Call it payback for subjecting him to that ridiculous accent of yours, hon. When Gordon identifies himself, Bela's smile fades for a moment as she tries to gauge just how much trouble she might be in here, but she opens the door and makes some small talk to try to cover the fact that she's about to go for her gun. You'd have to work fairly hard to come up with a reason why she'd have left her piece in the car while she went to conduct the type of business that's normal for her, but I suppose it's not impossible, so let's move on to the part where she leans in to put the briefcase on the passenger seat; Gordon then spares her the ignominy of opening the glove compartment and finding it empty when he produces her weapon from inside his jacket. Oh, I suppose I should mention that Gordon's explanation for no longer being in prison is that he "got out." Hey, if the show isn't even going to try, is the substitute recapper really supposed to? Gordon tells Bela he knows she was just in Massachusetts with the Winchesters (...really? How?), removes the cartridge from Bela's gun, and then draws his own weapon and demands to know where the boys are, and when Bela stalls by asking why he needs to find them so urgently, he tells her that Sam is the Antichrist. Bela: "I'd heard something about that. From my good friend, the Easter Bunny, who'd heard it from the Tooth Fairy." She took the line too far, both because it didn't need a second punchline and because she could have stopped making my ears bleed two seconds earlier. However, I'll grant her overall point -- Gordon is nuts. She tells him that they don't know each other very well, but she doesn't respond well to threats. I don't know her very well either, and I'd like to keep it that way by seeing how she responds to a bullet between the tits being the bit of new information about her I learn. Her point, however, is that he'd do better to make her an offer. He says he'll kill her in no uncertain terms, but she calls his bluff. "Good luck finding Sam and Dean." I really don't see how it makes sense that he was able to track her down, but not the boys, and I also don't know why he doesn't see if plugging her in the kneecap might make her attitude a bit more tractable, but I'll let it go in favor of getting to the part where Bela sees that Gordon's got something interesting tied to his belt, and she tells him that if he gives her "the mojo bag" they've got a deal. He tries to protest, given that the thing is priceless, but she's unmoved, so he tosses it over. She then gets out her cell phone and hits a button. "Hello, Dean? Hey, where are you?" As I've no doubt already made clear, there are many, many things I don't buy about this scene, such as that even Dean would be dumb enough to reveal his location to someone as treacherous as Bela. But that's not important. What is important is that my cries of "OH MY GOD KILL HER" are drowned out by the title card and the METAL TEETH CHOMP!
Back at the motel, Sam notes that the vamp is still out there, but Dean of course points out that that's not the priority at the moment, and adds that Gordon isn't leaving them a whole lot of options. Sam somewhat diffidently agrees that they're going to have to kill him, and Dean wonders where Sam's protests are. Refreshingly, he doesn't make a big deal of it, and neither does Sam, because people's ethical matrices do change, and if Sam is willing to apply a "kill or be killed" philosophy to another human, particularly a religious nut like Gordon who's clearly beyond reasoning with, I don't think that's necessarily evidence that he Came Back Wrong. He doesn't have to be Jesus Christ to not be the Antichrist, you know? Anyway, Bela calls Dean and says that as a please-don't-kill-me offering, she used a "talking board" to contact the other side and found Gordon's exact location for him -- a two-story riverfront warehouse with a neon sign outside. I don't know, Dean -- for not killing her, I'd at least want an exact address. Bela does rather soberly add that the spirit had a message for him -- "Leave town, run like hell, and whatever you do, don't go after Gordon." This spirit obviously never sold a television script during his time on Earth.
Gordon is now in the same shackled position as the girls, which seems silly, as he has more leverage this way. I wondered why it was that he managed the turn so much more quickly than the other two, other than that it's quite convenient to the plot, but Demian suggested that his awareness of what was happening to him might be a reasonable enough explanation, and that makes sense enough to me. Of course, the fact that he made me drink his blood before telling me that might have had something to do with it. (Kidding! We don't do that at TWoP! Why, what have you heard?) Anyway, after we ascertain that Gordon's senses have escalated in the expected manner, he manages to yank the chains out of the ceiling. He's about to proceed on his way when one of the blondes asks him to help them. Unfortunately, she doesn't specify what form she'd like the help to take, and I hope you don't mind me spoiling you by saying that's going to be her last mistake.
Cut to Gordon coming down from the second floor and heading down the alley; his eyes are bloodshot and he looks like, if you'll forgive the expression, death warmed over. His sensitivity to light is extreme, as we see from the street lamps and the trails a passing car's head- and taillights make in his eyes, and then he spies a guy changing a tire on a car farther down the alley. He looks in a mirror, and as he hears the guy's heart beating loudly even from this distance, he opens his mouth, and we see his fangs descending. I was actually expecting his image to disappear, which would have been hella cool, but them's not the rules in the Supernatural-verse, apparently. Ah, well, what do I know about vampires, anyway? Well, what I do know is that the guy finishes his work and gets back in his car, only to have Gordon pop up from the back seat and messily and loudly attack him. We see the car shake and blood appear on the interior of the driver's window before it gets swallowed up by a bomping noise that most definitely is no metal teeth chomp. Given my green status, I'm probably not supposed to complain, but fuck that! That sucked!
It's now daytime, and Sam is reading something in the motel room when Dean returns and says he checked a multitude of possible locations, but no Gordon. Sam sighs that he did the same. "Big city." Dean notes that there's not much daylight left, and Sam then demands Dean's cell phone, since if Gordon knows their numbers, he could use their cell signals to track them. I'm sorry, Sammy, I love you and all, but that's pretty moronic -- if Gordon had that trick available to him, he wouldn't have needed Bela's help in the first place.
Cut to Sam stomping on their phones. Geez, Sammy, is that a Treo? You didn't want to sell it on the street corner for some fast cash? Anyway, as soon as the phones are dead, El Deano declares his intention to go after Gordon, leading to another argument about the fact that Dean is Playing Fast And Loose With His Much-Abbreviated Life, although I will give El Deano points for replying to Sam labeling him a kamikaze with this: "I'm more like a ninja." Heh. Sam: "Quit turning everything into a punchline." I...don't know what to say to that. Sammy, however, goes on that Dean is scared. "Your year is running out." Faster than we even thought, thanks to the AMPTP. Dean dismissively asks how Sam knows he's freaked, but Sammy turns the Super-Steely Puppy Dog Eyes up to full power: "I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean! Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother! So yeah, I know you -- better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified." Aw! This is so touching that I'll forego any snickering about the Ginormotron looking up to Lil' Stumpy. Sam goes on that he can't blame Dean, but...he wishes he would drop the show and be his brother again. His eyes glisten a little as he adds, "'Cause...just 'cause." Dean, clearly affected, agrees to hole up instead of chasing Gordon. The brothers look at each other with tons of stuff left unsaid, and I know I'm new here but I'm pretty sure that scene was awesome in every way.
After a quick montage of the boys fortifying their defenses, it's now night, and Dean's new cell rings, much to the boys' surprise and chagrin. He answers, and it's Gordon, who tells him his scent was all over the phone store. I hope that doesn't mean Dean nailed the checkout girl in exchange for free service. Dean starts to taunt Gordon, saying he won't find them, but it turns out that Gordon has taken a girl hostage, and when he puts her on the phone and she simply begs, "Please," the smirk is wiped off Dean's face for the second time in as many minutes. I guess maybe Kubrick had a point about Gordon after all. Gordon gives Dean his location and tells him they'd better be there in twenty minutes, or the girl dies. Dean begs him not to do this, as he's still a hunter and doesn't kill innocents. Gordon: "No. I'm a monster." That's true, and it's quite the bummer. On the plus side: METAL TEETH CHOMP!
And now, a scene of brotherly bonding that is both long overdue and guaranteed to pull tears down the cheeks of even the most iron-hearted. As Bad Company's "Crazy Circles" plays on the car radio, Sammy gets two beers out of a cooler and then sits on it and hands one of the bottles to Dean, who's working on the Impala, as apparently there's some sort of rattle under the hood. ["Wow, beer and auto repair? Apparently, Dean needs a lot of cover before he goes sensitive." -- Joe R] At Dean's request, Sam hands him a box wrench, and he takes it but then pauses and tells Sam to come join him. Adorably, Sam asks if he handed Dean the wrong tool, but it turns out Dean wants to give Sam a lesson on the car's engine. He talks about the valve cover and the intake manifold, and Sam is cutely proud of himself to be able to identify the location of the carburetor. Sam then asks what's up "with the auto shop," and Dean wordlessly holds out a ratchet wrench to him -- he wants Sammy to fix the car, saying he's going to need to know these things for the future. It's such a simple scene in concept, and yet has so many layers -- Dean passing down his knowledge like a big brother should and acting like Sammy's friend again, letting Sammy share the most important thing he owns, but tinged with the sadness of the knowledge that Dean likely won't be around much longer, and the bittersweet idea that the Impala will be Sam's if and when Dean is gone. Sam's initial joy fades as he realizes the full import of what Dean is doing here, and takes the wrench and gravely gets to work. Dean sits on the cooler with his brew, and as touching as this scene is, I'm not completely sure I buy him letting Sammy loose on the car without standing over his shoulder like a nervous mother hen. All right, I'm just trying to hold it together here...pull back, and we're out. Sniff! That was good stuff. Many thanks to Demian for filling in some gaps in my show knowledge -- he'll be back time.