“ For many reasons, both sexist and non-, I am quite happy to be a guy, but this alleged superiority in cake-buying is not one of those reasons. ”
Fade up on the guys wrapping up the show, and tonight's wrap-up features the three elements of this show that annoy me the most: wry understatement (Casey refers to Tiger Woods as someone "some of you may have heard of"), random sprinkling of foreign language (Casey referring to the NCAA's basketball tournament's third round as "le ronde de seize," for no discernible reason) and, well, Casey (Casey). Rectangle Head plugs their expanded coverage tomorrow that features him and Dan in the studio from 3 to 11, analysts in the field, and CSC's Bobbi Bernstein. At the mention of Bobbi's name, Dan almost spits up the water he's drinking, but manages to keep it safely in his mouth and off camera, and manages to regain his composure to say goodnight.
When the cameras go off, Dan commences glaring at Casey. "Whoa!" he says. Casey won't even look at him; he just tells him to take it easy. Dan wants to know when this happened. "You're talking about Bobbi Bernstein?" asks Casey faux-blithely. Casey then says Dana must have forgotten to tell him. Dan gets all indignant and says she did indeed forget to tell him. Enter Dana, who says she forgot to tell Dan that Bobbi is filling in for Jack, who's sick. Dan's anxiety prompts Dana to ask what his problem is with Bobbi Bernstein. Dan says he doesn't have one -- he's lying. Dana and Dan agree that Bobbi very good and that she knows college basketball. Then Dana fills in Dan and Casey that Isaac is going to want to show his vacation pictures, so she's getting a welcome-back cake and they're going to have a party in his office tomorrow. Gee, how do we know Isaac's the boss? How many other coworkers would you welcome back with cake and hold a party so you can see all the vacation pictures? At my office, I get greeted with resentful glares and, "So, how was Banff? Good? Must be nice." Anyway, Casey asks what kind of cake Dana's getting. She doesn't know, and wants to know why Casey's asking. "I'm particular about cake," he says, and some of you who haven't seen this episode might think I made that up, but no, he actually says that he's "particular about cake." He's not kidding, either. And now he goes into a little diatribe about how it's his experience that men buy better cakes than women do. He's serious about this, too. Casey, if you plan to be insufferable and sexist and profess to speak for the entire male half of the population, couldn't you come up with something less lame than "men buy better cakes than women"? For many reasons, both sexist and non-, I am quite happy to be a guy, but this alleged superiority in cake-buying is not one of those reasons. Casey says men are better at buying cakes because women buy yogurt-frosted low-fat cakes blah blah blah. Dana pretends to be a little taken aback and says she didn't realize how strongly Casey felt about cake. "But now that I do, I guess the answer is: whatever cake I damn please." Casey says "excellent," like, good comeback there, Casey. Dana double-checks with Dan to make sure that he doesn't have a problem with Bobbi. "No, ma'am," says Dan, and Dana leaves.
Eli's Coming
“ Stay tuned, because later I tell a story about not calling a woman after having sex. And also, more about breasts! ”
Dan strolls up to Casey, who's busy stuffing his face. Dan just stares. Casey shrugs and says, "I'd go for it." You know, maybe you guys should try actually speaking your lines instead of just thinking them at each other. Dan flags down Dana, who is exceedingly pissed at Casey, asking if there's anything he won't make a speech about or pass judgment on. Well, no; I haven't even known Casey as long as Dana has, and I already know that. Dan settles her down so he can explain the whole fucked-up relationship with Bobbi. "I didn't know you two had a relationship," says Dana. "We don't," says Dan. "I'm confused," says Dana. So Dan prepares to lay the whole story in front of Dana, but prefaces it by warning her that most people don't believe him when he tells this story. Dana assures him she'll believe him. Isn't this the exact same thing that happened with Natalie? This isn't so much "Eli's Coming" as it is "Small Town Redux," so I'm thinking later on there'll be a scene Sorkin added, featuring Dan having dinner at a French plantation. Dan explains that Bobbi is convinced the two of them slept together in a hotel room in Spain, but a) he'd never met Bobbi before she started working for the show, b) he's never slept with Bobbi, and c) he's never been to Spain. Dana chuckles. "Thank you for believing me," says Dan. "Danny, you never called her?" Okay, who didn't see that coming? I didn't, but I was in the john. Dana walks away, followed by Dan whining about her not believing him. He says there must be something in the stuff women put in their hair, which certainly doesn't win him any points from Dana, who says that her hair is natural and not enough people know that. Her hair looks really nice today, actually. Dan mentions that Rebecca's coming to watch the show tomorrow. For some reason, Dana finds it necessary to tell Dan that Rebecca colours her hair. Why do women think that's a big deal? More important, why do they think men care about superficial things like that? It's just hair. It's not like we're talking about something important, like breasts. Dan's point is that he's worried about Rebecca being around while Bobbi goes into one of her "arias" about him not calling after sleeping with her, even though he can't seem to remember that Bobbi only brought it up after Dan pushed and prodded and goaded her. Dana says he should have called her, and you wonder if Dan will ever realize that nothing good ever comes of telling a woman about the time you didn't call after having sex, fiction or not. Commercials. Stay tuned, because later I tell a story about not calling a woman after having sex. And also, more about breasts!