Shoutout to Ryan.
DANIEL: Sars, I can't concentrate on doing a recap right now. The Expos just fired Felipe Alou.
SARS: What's a Felipe Alou?
DANIEL: The manager of the Expos. You know. Baseball.
SARS: Oh, him. They still have baseball in Montreal?
DANIEL: Yes. Kind of. But Felipe is gone.
SARS: Okay, but it's not like he's dead or anything.
DANIEL: Feels like it. But my heart will go on.
SARS: I'm hanging up now.
DANIEL: Wait! It's just, you know, June and the hockey playoffs are still on and so are the NBA playoffs and now this. It's all a bit much for me.
SARS: What are you, twelve?
DANIEL: I'm sitting here trying to write and I can't do it. I'm blocked.
SARS: Write another one of your patented sad love-life stories. That could get you going.
DANIEL: That might work.
ASHLEY JUDD: Daniel, come back to bed.
DANIEL: Yeah, that works.
SARS: Was that Ashley Judd?
DANIEL: Sure, why not? Gotta go.
SARS: [Sighing.] Okay, now that your inspiration has returned, I'm expecting a recap.
DANIEL: I won't let MBTV down. [Hangs up]
ASHLEY JUDD: MBTV? Was that Wing Chun?
DANIEL: She's like Wing Chun, only meaner. Now, come here, Ashley Judd.
Show fades up on Dan talking about an upcoming boxing match in Vegas, and he makes a "joke" about how he understands they recently legalized gambling there. And we're out of the gate! Dana tells Dan to fill for fifteen seconds. "Thinking" quickly, he says, "Our producer, Dana Whitaker, has asked me to fill for fifteen seconds, but I honestly don't have anything to say," and we can hear Dana saying, "Dan!" in his earpiece as Dan says, "She's begging me now." I'm thankful that it was only fifteen seconds he had to fill, because I couldn't have taken this "hilarity" for another moment. I mean, I've used quotation marks ironically three times already this recap. Dan throws to Casey's stupid rectangle head and Casey signs off, breaking the news to the viewers that he's off tomorrow but he'll be back on Friday. I love how broadcasters feel the need to tell people when they're not working, like when you turn on the news and a guest anchor introduces him or herself and says, "Such-and-such is off tonight," just in case we couldn't tell they're off by the fact that, you know, they're not there. Anyway, the show's over. Casey says, "Here's the thing," which by now we know means that it's time for a Casey Problem. But before we get to it, we have to back into it by Casey saying he doesn't have to take the night off, but Danny thinks that when his turn comes up in the rotation, he should take it, and he translates Casey's willingness to forego his night off as Casey actually being a big wuss who wants to get out of a date.
“ Wow. Someone has thought about this a lot. And by the time the scene ends, this date has turned into a contest as to who gives less of a crap about the other, a contest in which I completely kick ass. ”
Into the meeting room they go, Casey denying that it's even a date. Dan calls him a wuss again. Casey says, "Look, can we be men for a second?" Dan says, "We are Devo!" Well, no, he doesn't, but I think the jury's going to be out on the man question for a while. Especially since Casey then admits that it's a date because of the following three reasons: It's a blind date, it's a double date, plus "it's a date." Also, he admits he doesn't want to go. "Wow," says Dan, as they enter their office. "What?" says Casey. "You're just a really big wuss," says Dan. They leave their office, narrowly avoiding a collision with Isaac and Dana as they go swooping by, and it occurs to me that this show doesn't need directors as much as it needs air traffic controllers, like I'm half surprised oxygen masks didn't just drop from the ceiling of the newsroom.
Dana is trying to tell Isaac she doesn't need her night off, which also happens to be tomorrow. What a coincidence! Isaac says he thought she had plans with Gordon. Dana says she still does, but Gordon fixed Casey up with a woman from his office and now it's the four of them. Great explanation, that. Isaac wants to know what they're doing. Dana tells him they're going to see a modern dance company, then going to dinner. "Casey hates modern dance," says Dana. "So do I," says Isaac at the exact same time I do, and then I say, "Jinx!" so Isaac totally owes me a Coke. Dana points out that it's the Holly Dixon Dance Company. Oh. Well. That's a different story. Actually, I have no idea if the Holly Dixon Dance Company is real or not. It would take me all of about five seconds to find out. See how much more valuable those five seconds are to me than learning anything about modern dance? Dana says she doesn't think she'll enjoy the evening with Casey and Blind Date Lawyer Woman, which I think is the name of one of the shows on ABC's new fall schedule. Isaac says she just doesn't want to see Casey out with another woman. Dana does a bit of protesting too much as Isaac tries to make a break for it. Dana says she can't believe that Isaac of all people has bought into the myth that she has romantic feelings for Casey. "I can't believe I've been standing here talking to you this long," says Isaac. Me neither. Now, come here, Ashley Judd.
Isaac is about to leave when Casey pops up and says that tomorrow night is the trade deadline, so he should stick around in case there are any eleventh-hour trades. Isaac says there won't be, and they argue about it. Then Dana tries to steal Casey's ingenious excuse for herself and says she should be the one to stay. Then Isaac goes on about how he talked to a bunch of people in the GM's office, including the GM, and they're not making the trade. I'm a little surprised that someone who's been in the business as long as Isaac wouldn't appreciate how spectacularly unforthcoming sports teams can be with the media, especially when we're talking about trades. But whatever. Dana and Casey plead their cases a bit more. Isaac says he'll see them both Friday, and leaves. Then Dana -- or maybe we should call her Projection Patty from now on -- says Casey is awfully eager to bail on his date. He denies it's even a date. She says Casey just doesn't want to see her and Gordon on a date. He scoffs and says she doesn't want to see him on a date with anyone who isn't her. The pot and the kettle bicker for a while about each other's blackness. Then the kettle says he's excited about this date. "Particularly the Hickory Dickory Dancers," he says, and the pot's annoyed at that. She says she knows his M.O., which she says will be to say something wonderful to her during the evening and she'll melt and that'll teach her for going out with Gordon instead of him. Wow. Someone has thought about this a lot. And by the time the scene ends, this date has turned into a contest as to who gives less of a crap about the other, a contest in which I completely kick ass.