By Pamie
We open with a couple ballroom dancing through Richie and Janice's empty house. Music plays and the couple dances. They spin off-camera as Janice and Tony enter the house carrying a couch. They put it down in the entryway as they discuss Janice's old job as a mover. Tony asks how many jobs Janice has had in her lifetime. "Enough to know I don't ever want another one," she replies. The couple dances by again as the male dancer tells Janice her floors have a terrific glide. She thanks him and tells him he looks great. His name is Rick. Tony and Jancie watch the couple dance off. Tony asks if Richie's son Rick is still "flying down to Rio." Janice brags that Rick is one of the top dancers in his field. A group of men calls Tony from the other room. They're all watching the game on a widescreen television, smoking cigars and drinking beer. Jackie Junior walks over and asks Tony if he wants to join them. Tony declines.
The music swells again, this time signaling trouble, as Tony walks back over to Janice. She asks him what's wrong. Tony says that Jackie wanted nothing more than his son to go to college and grow up to be a doctor, not hang around in empty living rooms with wise guys. He says that if Jackie knew his son dropped out of college, it would break his heart. Janice says that dropping out of college didn't hurt the Beatles or Bill Gates. She brags that Richie is taking A.J. to the dirt bike championships. Tony says that A.J. can't go because he got a C in Algebra. Janice asks if Carmela knows about this. Tony confesses that A.J. really can't go to the dirt bike championships because he doesn't want Richie around his kids. Janice asks what the fuck he's talking about. Tony tells Janice to ask Beansie. Janice says that Richie told her that the transmission slipped and the car just moved on its own, and Richie's lucky to be alive. She also adds that Beansie owed Richie lots of money over the past ten years. Janice asks why they're throwing her and Richie an engagement party if they're so awful. Tony says he wants to do right by his sister, and that this is really Carmela's party. Janice reminds Tony that he's still fucking a little Russian girl on the side, so he doesn't really have the right to judge people. Tony tells Janice to go ahead and be "a co-dependent to a fucking shitbag." He says he doesn't care, and leaves. Janice says that Tony can't stand to see her happy. Tony tells her to shove it up her ass as he slams the door. Janice stands in her entryway as the ballroom dancers twirl behind her.
Tony finishes fucking his Russian girl, Irina. She laughs as she rolls off of him. Tony catches his breath and lights a cigar. Irina stands in the bathroom doorway and coos that she loves her new pony boots. She's wearing only them and a negligée. She hops back in bed with him. She's wearing underwear, so I'm not exactly sure if we're supposed to believe she went and cleaned up, put on her panties, and posed in the doorway in all of fifteen seconds. In any event, Tony tells Irina that she should wear those boots to some of the interviews he keeps trying to get her to go to. She rubs the boots on his leg and tells him to feel how soft they are. They have to subtitle her because her accent is so thick. Tony keeps asking about the interviews, but Irina is ignoring him. Tony tells her that she can't spend the rest of her life behind a perfume counter, and that there's better money in modeling. Irina whines that he doesn't care what she does, and he tells her to stop with the "moody shit." Irina pouts and opens a book. He asks what she's reading. It's Chicken Soup For the Soul. Tony tells her to read Tomato Sauce For Your Ass, the Italian version. Irina doesn't feel like joking. She says a guy at work gave the book to her. She brags about him for a few minutes and asks if Tony's jealous. Tony asks if she's fucking him. Irina doesn't answer. Tony says that she should think about finding someone that can give her everything she wants. Someone that can give her a family, marriage, and children. Irina says she doesn't need someone, because she has him. "What, somebody to take you out to dinner and screw your fucking brains out?" Tony gets out of the bed, and Irina asks him not to go. He says she doesn't know what the fuck she wants. Irina asks him to not yell at her. She says it's a bad time because her new boss is so mean to her. Tony puts on his clothes and says he's done. Irina screams and pleads for him to not leave. Tony sits down and says it hasn't been good for a long time for either of them. Irina says she'll die without him, and if he leaves she'll kill herself. Tony tells her not to threaten him; this is over. He says she should talk to the guy about modeling and he'll take care of her until she's on her feet, but he's not doing this anymore. He leaves, and Irina throws a statue at the door, screaming, "I hate you," but without any real passion. She throws herself back down on the bed.
Tony finishes fucking his Russian girl, Irina. She laughs as she rolls off of him. Tony catches his breath and lights a cigar. Irina stands in the bathroom doorway and coos that she loves her new pony boots. She's wearing only them and a negligée. She hops back in bed with him. She's wearing underwear, so I'm not exactly sure if we're supposed to believe she went and cleaned up, put on her panties, and posed in the doorway in all of fifteen seconds. In any event, Tony tells Irina that she should wear those boots to some of the interviews he keeps trying to get her to go to. She rubs the boots on his leg and tells him to feel how soft they are. They have to subtitle her because her accent is so thick. Tony keeps asking about the interviews, but Irina is ignoring him. Tony tells her that she can't spend the rest of her life behind a perfume counter, and that there's better money in modeling. Irina whines that he doesn't care what she does, and he tells her to stop with the "moody shit." Irina pouts and opens a book. He asks what she's reading. It's Chicken Soup For the Soul. Tony tells her to read Tomato Sauce For Your Ass, the Italian version. Irina doesn't feel like joking. She says a guy at work gave the book to her. She brags about him for a few minutes and asks if Tony's jealous. Tony asks if she's fucking him. Irina doesn't answer. Tony says that she should think about finding someone that can give her everything she wants. Someone that can give her a family, marriage, and children. Irina says she doesn't need someone, because she has him. "What, somebody to take you out to dinner and screw your fucking brains out?" Tony gets out of the bed, and Irina asks him not to go. He says she doesn't know what the fuck she wants. Irina asks him to not yell at her. She says it's a bad time because her new boss is so mean to her. Tony puts on his clothes and says he's done. Irina screams and pleads for him to not leave. Tony sits down and says it hasn't been good for a long time for either of them. Irina says she'll die without him, and if he leaves she'll kill herself. Tony tells her not to threaten him; this is over. He says she should talk to the guy about modeling and he'll take care of her until she's on her feet, but he's not doing this anymore. He leaves, and Irina throws a statue at the door, screaming, "I hate you," but without any real passion. She throws herself back down on the bed.
Out in the middle of nowhere during a rainstorm, there's a meeting being held. Tony tells Richie he can't expand his routes because Richie was still selling blow along the routes. Tony threatens Richie, telling him that the time, he'll find himself on the back of one of those fucking trucks. Jackie Jr. is there, and he says that the routes Richie's losing were his father's routes. Albert Barese is there too, saying that his family actually needs the bids, what with their current hardships and all. Tony says that this is why they do things the way they do. Everyone's got a story. Jackie Jr. says that Richie's just asking for the routes that his father would have given him if he were alive, and that Tony should respect his father by respecting Richie. "Those that want respect, give respect," Tony says. Richie translates for Jackie Jr., saying that Tony just told Jackie Jr. to shut the fuck up and for Richie to fuck himself. His meeting over, Tony leaves.
Uncle Junior's talking to his lawyer, complaining about the cost of the legal bills. The lawyer says that they're hiring experts to study the wiretap tapes. If they find abuses, they can take them to the judge and have all the evidence thrown out. Junior says he knows the Feds stay on the phone long after the thirty seconds allowed to determine if the call is pertinent. The lawyer says these people will cost money. Four hundred thousand dollars, actually.
Cut to Junior finding out he's not allowed to sell coke on the routes anymore. Jackie Jr. and Bobby are in Jun's living room. Richie says that Tony doesn't give a shit about anyone else. Junior says he's facing twenty years and might die in prison. "You're gonna beat it, Skip," Bobby interjects. "You don't fucking know that!" Junior screams back. Bobby looks down and keeps quiet. Poor Bobby. I wish he were here to protect me all day. Junior says the coke is his lifeline right now. Richie says it's time to take Tony out. Junior says that Richie's going to need allies to do that kind of thing. Richie says that Albert Barese didn't like what he was hearing, and so by extension, Larry Barese won't be happy. Junior stands up and says he's not surprised. He says that Larry's had just as much time to think about why he's under indictment when some other people aren't. Richie asks what he should do. Junior tells him to go talk to "Alley Boy" and feel him out. He tells Richie not to commit, because Alley Boy is "slippery." Richie hugs him and leaves. Junior tells Bobby that Richie's got "tremendous moxie" for his size.
Pussy gets into the running car of Lispy Skip. Pussy tries to give Skip a present of Johnnie Walker, but Skip says he can't accept it. He says he'll pass it along to the fire department guys. Pussy says that the FBI's policies keep them from getting distracted. "Look what happened with those Egyptians. Those motherless World Trade Center fucks. Serial numbers on an axle and you put every one of them behind bars." Skip asks what Pussy's talking about. Pussy says he owes him for looking the other way on the Bevelaqua charge. Skip says he doesn't know what Pussy's talking about, and Pussy says he understands that Skip can't admit to anything. Pussy says he's thinking about living in Scottsdale, Arizona, after all of this has gone down, when he's in witness protection. He says he'll take some courses when he's in the can and then give lectures in police departments on organized crime when he gets out. Skip says it's not a bad idea. Pussy tells Skip about the block of airline tickets that Tony bought. Skip says that he'll put it on file. Pussy asks if he can use the tickets as probable cause for a warrant. He adds that attempt to defraud and extortion are RICO predicates. Skip says that they don't have a way to tie the ticket to Tony, and that he's probably moved them by now. He says that they have to wire Pussy up for Janice's engagement party. "I know you're sensitive," he starts, but Pussy interrupts. "Aw, fuck that. What was I, his errand boy?" He says he was running all over looking for Tony's kid's science teacher's car, and that's when all of his faith went out the window.
Carmela is doing laundry. She smells Tony's shirt.
Upstairs, we're at Janice's engagement party. Adriana admires Janice's ring. Adriana then tells Carmela she loves the new wallpaper. Janice asks for the guy's number.
Pussy's leaning into Tony, asking all kinds of questions. Tony is unhappy about the persistence of Richie's existence. He yells to Meadow to go help her mother in the kitchen instead of standing to Richie and Jackie Junior. Pussy tells Tony that Richie was always a disturbed kid. Janice walks up as Pussy jokes that she's off the market. Pussy walks off, and Janice asks Tony if he's having a good time. Tony sort of apologizes about fighting earlier. He says he's happy for her. Janice says that Ma was really upset when they left the house earlier, because she really wanted to come to the party. Tony asks Janice to go back to where he was happy for her. Janice says that Ma is a completely different person now that she's on Prozac. Tony asks Janice to repeat herself, but Richie calls her from the other room, and Tony leaves.
Tony walks over to Carm to tell her that Livia's on Prozac. Tony says that Livia's just too senile to remember whom she hates. He asks Carmela what's wrong with her. "What do you care?" she responds, and walks off.
There's much clinking of glasses, and everyone gathers to hear Richie and Janice speak. Richie thanks his future in-laws for throwing a great party. Everyone is sort of far away from Janice and Richie, standing in a tight group, listening. Richie thanks everyone for coming. "The Apriles and the Sopranos," he says. "They say it's never too late and that all good comes to those who wait." He says they're right on both accounts. Janice kisses his face. Rosalie asks Little Rickie if he has anything to add. "Glad for you, Dad," he chimes in. Richie doesn't even smile at his son. "Stepmom," Rickie adds. Janice smiles and thanks him. She laughs and says she wanted to share her happiness with everyone there. She says she's been looking for her soulmate her entire life. She says she doesn't know why she thought she'd find anyone decent in "some ashram in Pradesh," but it turns out that she found the love of her life back at home. She tells Richie that he knocks her socks off. Janice starts crying, and they hug as the crowd cheers and shouts, "Salud." Carmela backs away from the crowd and runs through her kitchen and around a corner to break down in sobs.
Tony answers the phone in the middle of the night. Carmela is downstairs watching television as Tony comes down, dressed. He says he has to go out. Carmela doesn't answer, and keeps watching television.
Hospital. Svetlana is telling Tony that she was in the shower and almost didn't hear the phone. Irina was drunk and crying. She took twenty pills and downed them with a bottle of vodka. She says that it's not her fault. She says that Irina's had a hard life. Tony says that Svetlana's only got one leg and she's not complaining. Svetlana says that Irina's parents were alcoholics and bad people. They died young and Irina had to live with her uncle, who was a horrible man.
They enter Irina's hospital room. Irina says she doesn't care what happens to her anymore. Tony says she's got her entire life in front of her. Svetlana asks how Irina is going to pay all of these bills. Tony says he'll take care of it. Irina asks what kind of life she's supposed to have without him. She says she'll have to be a prostitute, and she doesn't want to. She starts crying, and Tony holds her. He tells her that everything is going to be okay.
Janice is trying on her wedding gown. She's very impressed with her own cleavage. Carmela is fixing Janice's train. Janice tells her that she's only doing this for the presents. She thinks for a bit and then reconsiders, saying she's really doing this for Richie. She says you have to do the ritual. Carm says this is such a happy time. "All the flowers. All the excitement." She says she remembers what it was like when she was getting married. "Then there's the honeymoon, and the hope chest!" Janice asks Carmela why she's "working overtime." She asks if Carm's depressed. Carmela says she's just being realistic. She tells Janice that she'll have to accept the fact that Richie's going to take a goomah soon. Janice says that Richie will be hard-pressed to find a whore that lets him hold a gun to her head while he fucks her. Carmela is shocked to find out that Janice does this. "I thought you were a feminist!" Carmela says through her great-gossip smile. Janice says that Richie usually takes the clip out. "Well, Jesus, I hope so," Carmela says. Janice says it's a ritual. Carm's smile is frozen on her face.
Lispy Skip goes to see his chief. It's the chief's birthday, and Tony Soprano has sent balloons and candy. He tells Skip that Tony never misses a holiday. He offers Skip something to eat before he sends it to the shelter. Skip says that Pussy just tried to give him a gift as well. The chief says he knows that they aren't supposed to accept the gifts, but he's got a weakness for some of this food. Skip says that Pussy's turned hardcore. One minute he's all about Tony, and the he's trying to find ways to turn in evidence against him, acting like he's a junior G-man. "It's the worst case of Stockholm Syndrome I've seen since Patty Hearst," he says. The chief tells Skip not to get too involved with Pussy, and that these things can work two ways.
Richie's meeting with Alley Boy, I'm assuming. I think this is still Albert Barese. Oh. I get it. Sometimes I'm dumb. Sorry. Albert's got this thing where whenever Richie says something, he says it back to Richie like it's his own statement. Richie: "Imagine? Getting a facelift and one week later you're in jail?" Albert: "Can you imagine that? You're getting a facelift, and one week later you're in jail." It throws Richie for a loop. Richie says he thinks that Albert didn't like what he was hearing the other day. Albert says he figured he was going to get fucked out of that bid. Richie says that's a sad statement on the world today. Albert says Larry really can't do much right now, since he's property of the government. Larry's got a trial coming up. Richie asks if Albert would be interested in getting involved in a move against Tony Soprano. "No way," Albert says.
Carmela has somehow wandered herself into a paint store and right into Vic. She acts like she just bumped into him looking for a paint roller, but she quickly confesses that she just wanted to see him again. He apologizes, she apologizes, he apologizes, and she tells him that she wanted to thank him for being so strong. She says that if he had come over that day, she would have done something that she would regret for the rest of her life. She says that one day she might not be married ("Maybe someday, I will be free."), but for now, she's thankful that he was strong enough for the both of them. Vic is still flirty with the eyes, but looks like he's thankful to be alive. She kisses him on the cheek and leaves. A kid that looks like A.J. on a bad day walks over, carrying two Styrofoam cups of coffee. They sell that in a paint store? And when did Ramon turn into Evil A.J.? Vic thanks Christ that he's still alive. He asks Evil A.J. if he knows who that woman's husband is.
Melfi's office. Tony asks for the number of a good shrink he can give to Irina. He tells Melfi how she tried to kill herself. "Cost me three grand," he said. Melfi says that Irina should have seen the attending psychologist in the hospital. Tony explains that the doctor was Romanian, and there's "some beef that goes back centuries." Melfi asks if Tony feels responsible for the suicide attempt. Tony: "I was banging her for two years." Melfi: "Was that a hardship on her?" Tony: "That's cute." Tony says he's been through so many women, and he doesn't know why he can't just let her go. He says she's a good kid, and he thinks she's seriously depressed. Melfi wonders why Tony's ending it. Tony says that's what he's supposed to do, that's the right thing. Melfi says she's never passed judgment on his or any patient's sex life. Tony says he's been married for twenty years. "What's wrong with you?" he asks. "Why now?" Melfi asks. Tony confesses that it's not fun anymore, and asks again for her to recommend somebody for Irina.
Richie and Jackie are back at Junior's. "Larry's out," Richie says. Junior curses and says he knew this would happen. "Larry and Albert are not the problem," Richie says. "Tony is the fucking problem." He says that if he takes Tony out of the picture, everybody will come along. Jackie Jr. says he'd do it himself if he could. "Who's that speaking here?" Junior asks as he looks around the room. "Is somebody speaking?" Jackie shuts up. Junior says that he needs to think about this right now. "We gotta screw our courage to the post," he says. The same words that Lady Macbeth once used. Junior hugs Richie and tells him he's a good boy. He tells them to go home. Richie and Jackie leave. Junior watches them go. He calls Richie a "fucking loser." He says that Richie couldn't sell it. He tells Bobby to pay attention so he can learn something. He says they're best off with someone who knows how to split his enemies. Richie couldn't sell it because he's not respected. Tony's respected, even with his impulsiveness and selfishness. "I'm better off with Tony," he concludes. Bobby beams at Junior. Jun says he wants to see Tony at the doctor's office tomorrow. "I'm in awe of you," Bobby says.
Christopher's at work, listening to the financial report on CNN, when Pussy arrives. Christopher asks Pussy what he's doing there. They hug. Pussy says he's got a line on a car for Adriana. Chris offers food to Pussy, but Pussy declines. There's your first hint that something's wrong. Pussy asks Christopher how things are going. Chris says this racket is bringing in great cash. They dumped Webistics, "whacked up the payoff." Whatever that means. Sometimes I like not understanding illegal activities. ["It just means they split the money." -- Sars] Christopher tells Pussy about a root that cures glaucoma that's just bullshit, but the stock's going to make money. He goes to get Pussy a brochure, but stops to tell Pussy that he and Tommy Mack are going to hit up a truckload of Pokemon cards tonight. He asks if Pussy wants in. Pussy says that Chris doesn't want a fat fuck like him around. Pussy stands to go as Christopher says that Pussy just has to go in for five grand on the pharmaceutical company, and by the time they dump the company he'll be in six-figures. Pussy says no and starts to leave, but Christopher asks about the car. Pussy forgets, and then remembers. He says he'll keep Christopher posted on it. He practically runs out of there holding the wire, and Christopher sits and thinks.
Lispy Skip's getting dental work done when his cell phone rings. It's Pussy, all ready to spill the news on the Pokemon theft. Pussy says he doesn't know where the truck-jacking is going to occur, but he offers to go down there. Skip says that Pussy cannot go along. "We let you earn, but no violent crimes, right?" Pussy hangs up.
Irina is throwing things at Tony in her room. Svetlana hugs Irina and tells Tony that Irina had a very bad day. Irina went to try and get the modeling gig. Turns out it was a job modeling salad spinners for a catalog, and they told her she was too old. Even Tony has to grimace. Irina says it's all over for her. Tony says she'll be fine. Irina tells Tony how Svetlana's leg fell off in the Gap the other day, and her Bill picked her up and carried her. "Where is my knight in white satin armor?" she asks. Tony gives her the number for the psychiatrist. Irina is insulted. She says she won't go. Tony says she will, because it's what he wants her to do. "You're not the boss of me," Irina says. Tony's had it, and says she can fuck herself. He's tired of trying to be a nice guy. Svetlana explains that psychiatry is very scary to Russians. Tony says this is too fucked up for him. Irina tells him to fuck off. Tony leaves.
Livia's house. The fight is on television as Livia calls through the baby monitor that she needs help opening a bottle of Advil. "Oh, never mind!" she quickly follows. Janice never moved anyway. Little Rickie is leaving the house, saying he'll start on the gutters tomorrow. Janice asks Richie to take a look at something she'd like for the house. He tells her that she might need to take it easy on the spending for a little while so he can figure out the finances. Janice asks what happened. Richie says things might be a little fucked up for a while. Janice gets all serious and says, "Richie, if something's happening to you, it's happening to me." Richie says that there are problems with Tony. Janice storms around the room cursing. Richie brings up the jacket again. Janice asks if everything is still going through with the house. "We'll see," Richie says. Janice tells Richie that they're tiling the pool on Friday. She doesn't want to lose the deposit. She pouts that Tony can't stand it that their house is going to be nicer than his. Richie asks her what's her problem. "Nothing," Janice says. "It's just sad, that's all." She tells Richie that the real reason A.J. couldn't go to the dirt bike show is because Tony wouldn't let him. "He doesn't want you around his kids," she says. Richie throws his bottle of beer across the room, and it shatters on the fireplace mantle. The baby monitor fuzzes, and Livia's voice fills the room. "What happened? What was that?"
Pussy's on his own surveillance mission. He's at the Searchlight Diner, waiting for Christopher to leave. He's even got a tape recorder, where he calls Christopher the "suspect." He records the time and says that Chris hasn't left the diner yet. Cut to Christopher, leaving with another guy. Pussy starts to follow them in his own car. It looks like Christopher sees Pussy before he gets in his own car.
They drive through back roads and parking lots. Pussy's following, not looking at anything but Christopher's car. Christopher speeds up and takes a quick turn. Pussy swerves to avoid hitting a truck, hits a guy on a bike, and then crashes his car. Pussy gets out of the car. His leg is cut up pretty badly. He limps a few feet and then collapses.
Liliana answers the phone in the kitchen. It's Irina, asking for Tony. Liliana asks who it is. Irina starts insulting Liliana for being Polish. Liliana snaps back that Irina isn't Tony's first whore. Tony eventually takes the phone away from the women speaking in foreign languages, and Liliana tells him it's for him. Irina tells Tony she misses him and loves him. Tony yells that she's got the wrong fucking number. "Don't call here again," he threatens. He hangs up and walks right into Carmela. The rest of the kitchen has cleared out. "Who was that? Your little Russian girlfriend?" Carmela asks. Tony says that it's over between them and it has been for a long time. Carm calls bullshit on him and asks why his clothes still stink of perfume. Tony tells Carmela how Irina tried to kill herself because she was so sad without him. "Oh, fuck you," Carmela says. Tony says that Irina said she didn't want to go on without him. "You are putting me in a position where I'm feeling sorry for a whore that fucks you?" Carmela asks. She says the worst thing is that she believed him for a second. She walks away. "Goddamn him," she moans as she walks back over to her friend. She says that Tony's not a good person, and that the man that did her wallpaper was honest and good and thoughtful. Carmela's friend says that Vic didn't not show up to save her marriage; he didn't show up because he was terrified of Tony. Carmela says she doesn't feel like going to the gym anymore. She runs upstairs.
Tony meets Junior at the doctor's office. He says this had better be good because he's in the middle of World War III at home. Junior tells Tony that Richie's moving against him, but nobody wanted in, and that Richie told him himself at his house. He says Richie's going to take out Tony and Larry and anybody else that doesn't go along. Tony asks how Junior knows this. Junior says that Richie thinks Junior's with him. "Really?" Tony asks, suspecting Junior's every word. Junior says he's been playing Richie, making him think he was on his side. He says that's why he made a big deal out of the coke. "I raised a non-issue and he fell for it." Tony calls Junior a double agent and asks how he knows Junior's not playing him, too. "Believe what you want, little nephew," Junior says. He adds that if he didn't tell Tony about this now, his wife might be a widow and his children would have no father. "Go fuck yourself," he concludes. Tony says he's grateful to him. He gives Junior a bigger cut on the routes, but asks him not to sell drugs. He hugs Junior. He says, "You know that asshole's marrying my sister?" Junior wonders where Janice is in all of this.
Bada Bing. Tony tells Silvio that Richie's causing serious problems. "Well, he's not satisfied with the current leadership. Wants to have me popped." Silvio thinks for a minute as Metallica plays outside, and concludes that there's nothing to gain by keeping Richie around. "Get it done," Tony says. Silvio leaves.
Janice is preparing dinner. She tells Richie that the wedding planner checked the almanac, and there might be rain on their planned day, so they should get a tent just in case. Richie says he doesn't want to plan shit like that. Janice tells him not to bitch when he sees the bill. Richie complains that his son hit him up for five grand to go to a dance contest in England. "Yeah, but Little Rickie's still coming to the wedding, right?" Janice asks. Richie corrects Janice a few times, saying that he's Rick or Richard, and he hasn't been Little Rickie since he was twelve. "Jesus, all right," Janice says. Richie says that Rickie wouldn't miss an opportunity to foxtrot and tango in front of everybody, embarrassing his old man. Janice says that ballroom dancing is a legitimate art form. Richie asks why he couldn't have a son like Jackie Jr. Janice walks over to Richie and tells him he came home with a fucking attitude today. She says she's been in the house cooking his dinner and taking care of the black hole known as her mother all day long. Richie tells her to keep her voice down, since Livia can hear everything. Janice says she gave Livia two Nembutals, because she thought they might have sex tonight, but now she's sure they won't. Richie tells Janice to put his fucking dinner on the table, "and shut up." Janice tells Richie to shut up himself. She says that just because Little Rickie's a ballroom dancer, it doesn't mean that he's gay, and even if he was gay there'd be nothing wrong with that. Richie hauls off and punches Janice right in the face. She holds her face as her mouth starts bleeding. Richie walks over to the kitchen counter, grabs his plate, and goes back to the table. Janice still watches him, whimpering through her bloody mouth as Richie moves a copy of New Jersey Bride out of his way. He sits down and eats. He yells at her to stop staring at him. He asks if she's going to cry now. Janice walks away from Richie. Richie takes a bite. Janice walks back towards him, holding a gun. Richie starts to tell her he's in no mood for any sort of dramatic shit, but Janice shoots him in the chest. Richie flies back in his chair and hits the ground. He's pissed off, and Janice shoots him again. He's dead. Janice stands and thinks. She wanders back through the house.
Soprano kitchen. Tony asks Carmela where everybody is. Carm says that A.J. is upstairs and Meadow is out. The phone rings. "You'd better get it," Carmela says. "Maybe she slit the other wrist." Tony answers. It's Janice. She's crying, "I need you! I need you to come over now!" Tony asks if it's Livia. Janice says it's not, but she can't say right now what it is. Tony tells her to stay there and he'll be right over. He hangs up and tells Carmela that it's Janice. "Right," Carmela nods. Tony says he has to go, and leaves. Carmela isn't buying it.
Janice cries over Richie's bloody corpse. Tony cocks his gun and walks into the house. He sees Janice crying and smoking over Richie. She tells Tony that Richie hit her. "It was an accident," she says. Tony asks where Livia is. Janice says she's asleep from the pills. He asks where the gun is. She says it's in the kitchen cabinet. "I didn't mean it, Tony," she moans. Tony puts his gun away and walks into the kitchen. He picks the gun up with a dishtowel. He tells Janice not to talk to anybody about this. He gets on the phone and tells Janice to go take a shower, and to give him the clothes and the shoes she's wearing.
Lispy Skip walks into Pussy's hospital room. "They got away," Pussy says. Skip says he told Pussy not to follow them. He asks what Pussy's plan was if Christopher had spotted him. He tells Pussy that the 7-11 clerk he hit with his car is now in a coma. They were going to press charges, but he got Pussy out of it. Pussy says he owes him again. Skip tells Pussy that he's not an FBI employee, and it's not going to happen. Pussy says he's got a lot to offer. He says he knows he misspent most of his life. Skip says that Pussy's going to help build a case against Tony, and then he's going to do time for selling heroin. Then he'll get out and start a new life. He tells Pussy that's a good thing.
Janice smokes as Tony mops up blood around Richie. There's a knock at the door. It's Christopher and Furio. "Whoa," Christopher says. Tony says there's no time. He hands Furio keys and tells him to take Richie's car to the salvage crusher. The phone rings. Tony answers. There's nobody there.
It's Carmela, checking up on him. She hangs up.
As Christopher and Furio carry the Glad-bagged Richie out of the house, Janice runs after, begging Tony not to leave. He says he'll be right back. Janice keeps crying, clutching the stove.
Back at Satriale's, Christopher and Furio grind Richie up into little bits. Christopher says it'll be a long time before he eats anything from that butcher again. They bag him up and Furio carries him away, telling Christopher to wash the room.
Livia rides her chair down the stairs. She asks Janice what she's doing up so early. Janice tells Livia to go back to bed. Livia says she had the strangest dreams all night long about people coming and going all night. Tony walks in. "Anthony, what are you doing here?" Livia asks. Tony tells Janice to get up and leave. Tony tells Livia that Richie didn't come home last night, and that Janice is worried. "Oh, sure," Livia smiles. "Probably jilted her. That's the story of her life." It's quiet as everyone stares at Livia. Tony explodes, "What kind of a fucking chance did she have with you as her mother? Huh? You're always nagging her about her weight. She goes on a date, she comes home, you call her a fucking tramp." Janice leaves to wait in the car. Livia says she's never said anything like that. Tony says he heard her. "You make things up," Livia says. She asks Tony to tell her when she did anything to them. "You don't know," Tony says. "You don't have a fucking clue, do you?" Livia says she knows she wasn't a perfect mother, but she always tried to do the best she could. Tony shakes his head. Livia says that babies are like animals. She had to teach them right from wrong. She says she thinks she did a pretty damn good job. Tony lives in a palace on a hill. "I gave my life to my children on a silver platter. I suppose now you're not gonna kiss me." "What?" Tony asks. A kiss after all this time? "You're cruel. That's what you are," Livia says. Tony walks out. "Oh, fuck this," he says. Tony starts to run out of the house as Livia protests. He turns back around to see her and trips over the bottom stair, dropping his gun. Livia laughs at Tony on the ground. He gets back up and gets in his car as Livia shuts the door.
Silvio shows up at Irina's bedroom. He's brought an envelope with seventy-five grand inside. Irina says she doesn't want it. Silvio says she does. He says he's seen girls come and go. He knows that time is a great enemy. He tells her that she doesn't have too much time. Something else will come along for her. Svetlana says that Silvio is a very smart man. Irina grabs the package of money, and Silvio leaves.
Bus station. Janice is leaving for Seattle. Tony hands her bags to the porter. Janice tells Tony that she owes him. Tony says he thinks this was a pretty good visit. "What's wrong with our family, Tony?" Janice asks. Tony says that his shrink says their mother has a narcissistic personality. She's a person incapable of experiencing joy. Tony tells Janice she might want to go back into therapy. Janice asks what they did with Richie's body. "We buried him," Tony says. Janice moans. "On a hill. Overlooking a little river. With pine cones all around." Janice: "You did?" Tony: "Come on, Janice. What the fuck do you care what we did with him?" Janice says she loved him so much. She starts crying, and Tony tells her she's going to miss her bus. She hugs him and apologizes. Tony tells her to go. She runs and catches her bus, taking away sixty-seven percent of Tony's problems.
Carmela's still reading Memoirs of a Geisha. At her feet are brochures from Italy. She hears the door open, and yells to Meadow that she's got a UPS up in her room. It's Tony, and he sits down at the couch as far away from Carmela as possible. Carm asks what happened. Tony says that Janice went back to Seattle. Carmela asks if Richie's heartbroken. "Richie's gone," Tony says. Carm asks where. "Carmela, after eighteen years of marriage, don't make me make you an accessory after the fact." Carmela starts to understand and says, "Holy shit." "Stop asking," Tony says. Carmela leans her head back. Tony says he took care of it. Carm nods and delivers the understatement of the year, "That...that was not a marriage made in heaven." Carm and Tony just sit and nod. Tony asks what the brochures are for. Carm says that after Meadow's graduation, she's going to Rome with Rosalie Aprile. For three weeks. She says they're going to shop and try to see the Holy Father. Tony asks what people are going to think if she's gone for three weeks. Carmela says that Tony will have to chauffeur A.J. around to his dentist and whatnot. He'll also have to find a tennis clinic for Meadow to join. She says that if Tony can't do those things and she has to do them, then she just might commit suicide. She gets up and walks off as classic rock sings to us, "Hey, hey, I saved the world today. And everybody's happy now the bad thing's gone away." We know, classic rock. We know.