Tonight on Sons of Anarchy … WE ELECTED THE LEADER OF THE FREE M*THERF***ING WORLD IS WHAT HAPPENED. Also, I may be feeling the effects of approximately 12 ounces of vodka mixed with an ounce of cranberry juice.
Oh, wait – there was an episode too. So here is what was going on while everyone was twiddling their thumbs waiting for Romney and/or Obama to get on with the speechifying:
We introduced the Mob to the gangster mix, because there aren't nearly enough criminal factions on this show.
Even gangsters and their loved ones have to worry about health insurance. Only in this case, the problem is that Jax and Abel now have health insurance: Margaret, in a fit of surrogate-maternal TCB, altered Tara's insurance benefits to reflect her new married status and thus ensure hospital coverage for both Abel and Jax. Sensible, given how often anyone in SAMCRO is at that place. Great, right? Wrong. There's now documentation tying Tara to the club, and once that gets flagged by the California Department of Corrections, she'll likely never be able to work at Otto's prison again. Therefore, Tara reasons, she had better take the opportunity to do so before anyone realizes why she might be there.
Oh, Chibs in a newsboy cap is damned adorable. But the head wound seems to have made him more incomprehensible than usual. I will be so excited once the vodka wears off and the closed captioning stops wobbling.
Then the club runs off to go find Frankie, because why not? It's not like any of them have any sort of day jobs at the garage. First they have to vote on Frankie "meeting Mr. Mayhem," which honestly sounds like a knockoff version of Guns'N'Roses' "Mr. Brownstone," so I'm wondering if they're going to be giving Frankie some hillbilly heroin. Also, would it have killed anyone to try and cast Slash as a member of the club? Why can't we have nice things?
Killing Frankie presents a problem, because Roosevelt wants Frankie alive, or else he won't reveal the rat at the SAMCRO table. Jax brings this problem to Bobby Elvis and they attempt to strategize, agreeing to a plan that can loosely be summed up as "Jax will pretend to kill Frankie, then deliver him to Roosevelt." Bobby correctly points out that this plan has many steps, and therefore many opportunities to screw up. Jax is all, "I know, but …" and that is how I realized we'll be spending the rest of this episode exploring all the ways in which Jax's bait-and-switch scheme will go wrong.
We zip to the infirmary, where the excellent Karina Logue is playing the prison charge nurse – by the way, she was amazing on the late, lamented Terriers -- and exposits in a way that makes it clear Tara will be seeing Otto that day.
Gemma and Nero have a very sweet day out with Lucius, and we see that Nero actually brings out the best in Gemma. Alas, since we are a scant 22 minutes into the episode and this is the season where the universe makes Gemma reap what she sows, we all know this won't last.
Jax and his crew track down the Italian mobster guy, whose name I cannot be bothered to learn right now, to some hidey-hole used for gambling, etc., there is a biker brawl, and once that's all done, Jax persuades the mobsters to turn over Frankie. They promise to do so, but again, it's still early in the episode and we all know a cardinal rule of this show is that nothing ever goes right.
Otto and Tara, and the only thing of significance here is that Tara admits, "I'm an old lady. I'm protecting my man, just like LuAnne would have done for you." She's all in, in an uncanny parallel with something Gemma said earlier about being all in.
So guess who's ruined Jax's plan to get Frankie alive? Frankie himself. When he figures out that the Mob wants more money from him, he shoots his little Mob babysitter, then makes to flee right as Clay shows up. There's a firefight ending in actual fire, then SAMCRO and the rest of the Mob show up, and the Italians are so enraged at Frankie, they kill him on the spot, thus denying Jax the chance to get the man alive and turn him over to Roosevelt.
Gemma and Nero continue their romantic date in a cemetery, where they break into a mausoleum and leave Carla's ashes. It seems to work for them.
More Tara and Otto: she puts the full-court press on him to recant his statement, and Otto demands the perfume Tara brought plus a free right hand. Tara frees his hand and Otto demands that Tara hold his head (so he can sniff the perfume on a live woman) while he masturbates. “I just want to feel a woman's hand on me one more time. Please,” he says. And, well, Tara's all in, isn't she? The scene ends with Otto weeping and Tara stroking his hair in comfort.
And then Tara's back at the hospital, talking over the Otto thing with Jax – leaving out the part where she was effectively a marital aid – and Margaret comes in to tell Tara that the offer at Providence Hospital up in Oregon is still on the table. Which … I would like to know who is running this hospital in Oregon where they're all, "A surgeon with a gimpy hand who is not aggressively working a rehab program? Where can we sign her up?" Anyway, Tara seems a little surprised that this is even a thing, as does Jax. It's dismaying how quickly they've shifted from their goal of a family exit to keeping the club alive.
Bobby Elvis and Clay have a conversation wherein Bobby subtly alerts Clay to what he knows about Clay's plans. Clay is cheerfully unrepentant with Bobby Elvis, which will probably help Bobby feel better about killing Clay later. If Clay doesn't kill him first, that is. We know Clay's got a track record of doing that sort of thing with people who know too much.
Gemma visits with Jax and lays it all out: She likes Nero, and he makes her feel like life could be worth living. So the prospect of whoring herself out to Clay while also trying to build a new life with Nero? Not really possible, in Gemma's opinion. So if she's going to put herself back in the hateful, dark place she has to live in so that she can endure macking on Clay, she needs a guarantee that she'll be back in the Teller-Knowles family once she's done. Tara promises. And boy, those two have permanently forfeited any moral high ground ever, haven't they? Tara's transmogrification into the new Gemma is beyond complete.
Gemma goes to break it off with Nero, then she sees – and hears – that Nero's bought some lovebirds for his office solely because he knows Gemma loves birds. The realization that someone did something nice for her without expecting anything in reciprocation guts her.
Since Jax has run off to handle club business, Tara is left to occupy herself for a few ideas. She pulls an Otto, as it were.
Jax is leaving his revved-up lady in order to break the news to Roosevelt that Frankie is already dead. Roosevelt does not take it well. Worse, he loses his leverage, because Jax has figured out that Juice is the rat. (This is bad news for Juicey too: it's going to be a race to see who kills him first: Clay or Jax.)
Gemma's come over to Clay's, offering to shoot up some cortisone for him. It's plainly her opening gambit in wooing him back. Clay is delighted. With Frankie dead and Gem back in his house, everything's coming up Clay!
Lisa Schmeiser has recently discovered that the so-called "cape cod" cocktail is not, as she believed, comprised of 11 ounces of vodka and 1 ounce of cranberry juice. She is taking suggestions on what to name her new drink.
Previously on Sons of Anarchy... I could tell you but really, let me start this recap with some caveats: this episode aired right after the election returns came in and I had spent the evening flipping between PBS, CNN, Fox News and Comedy Central AND experimenting with the ratio of vodka-to-cranberry juice in my glass. So the whole thing is kind of a blur and five days later, it still hasn't come into focus, mostly because the minute I recovered from invading the Russian section of our liquor cabinet, my daughter came down with some vile malady, because she is now two and all toddlers double as petri dishes for exotic new viruses that may well kill us all. So let's just settle this question and move on: Did I or did I not imagine Joe Biden being sworn in as the newest Son?
Anyway, this episode begins with a shocker: Abel speaks! Actual words! Noises! Out of his little mouth! He's standing to the cot that Jax is sacked out on, poking Jax's shoulder and saying, "Daddy! Daddy, wake up!" Jax is delighted to be awoken by Abel. He asks Abel how he is; Abel is hungry. Jax asks, "What do you feel like having?" "Cookies," Abel says. "Good choice. Chocolate chip? With some milk on the side?" Jax asks. And there, in a nutshell, is why Tara probably never gets to sleep in.
Meanwhile, Nero's served Gemma her coffee, just like she likes it, and he comments that she's been mighty quiet since her son delivered the "Whore yourself to Clay or never see your family again" ultimatum. Gemma replies, "He kind of leaves me speechless these days. He's setting the rules for Grandma. How about you and Jax? I'm off-limits." Nero replies, "I'm a little too old for dating rules. I see who I want to see." Gemma asks, "Is that what this is? We seeing each other?" Nero grins, "Yeah. I see you, Gemma." This knocks Gemma for a loop -- how dare Nero make her decision more complicated! -- and she recovers by saying she needs to get to the garage. Nero encourages her to play hooky and give him a ride to see Lucius. Gemma is won over by the prospect and she agrees to pick up Nero around noon.
And Clay's up early to talk to a mess of Italians about the wayward Frankie Diamonds. The Italians would like to know why the bikers' normally rigorous vetting standards have slipped and Clay mutters something that sounds suspiciously like, "Ah, kids today." These portly Italians concur. Anyway, Italians galore and Clay is going to making a side deal for some Glocks, because why wouldn't he throw another spanner in the SAMCRO works? Coffee! It picks him up while it calms him down enough to always keep scheming.
Tara is wheeling Thomas's stroller through the hospital halls -- I love all the ways we see Tara taking care of the baby without seeing the actual baby -- and Margaret pedeconferences with her. There's good news! The Teller-Knowles family will not join the ranks of those families forced into bankruptcy by insane medical bills, because Margaret has used her adminstrator-fu to get Jax and Abel retroactively added to Tara's medical benefits plan on account of one of those people being her child by marriage and the other being her spouse. Tara manages to thank Margaret, but she's got the freak-out eyes.
In the scene, we see why. The good news is that the Stockton pokey needs Tara to come in, as their doctors have succumbed to sickness. Are the doctors vomiting up approximately four times their body volume in one horrific go? And are they aiming for the only rug in the house when they do it? Because if so, they've got the same virus my toddler's been battling. ANYWAY. It's not good news when anyone's sick, but it is good news that Tara's been asked to head out there. The bad news, Tara tells Jax, is there is now a paper trail linking her to known gangster Jax Teller. Jax reacts appropriately: "Oh. Shit." Tara says, "It might be just a matter of time before the CDCR flags that I'm married to a felon." So Tara's going to try again with Otto before this happens. Jax reluctantly signs off on this.
So we all knew Chibs was going to live, yeah? But did we know he'd come back with such a rocking newsboy cap? The look works for him. The hat covers up Chibs' new head staples. Anyway, Chibs can't really offer any useful information, but Happy can -- he's just talked to a nomad named Quinn who's traced Frankie to South Lake Tahoe, where the rogue nomad has hooked up with Leo Pirelli's crew. Jax concludes that Frankie's bought mob protection and Clay -- who knows darn well that's what Frankie did -- asks, "Is that solid intel? 'Cause I'm a little cautious when it comes to nomad integrity." Happy testifies to the quality of Quinn's intel with, "Quinn knows every pimp and hooker in a 300 mile radius. Frankie still likes them young and slanted." Because my life, sadly, is not nearly rich enough in characters like Happy, I had to go look up "slanted" on Urban Dictionary (warning: Not safe for work. Never safe for work.) to find out what he meant. And... well, it would appear that Frankie either likes his hookers with full drawers or he likes his hookers to have XY chromosomes or he likes them intoxicated. ANYWAY. The point is, Quinn knows these things about pimps, hookers and Frankie's recent sampling of their wares. And I think Happy is officially done with Clay.
There's some more talk about how to reach these reticent Italians who are probably sheltering Frankie and Bobby nods to Clay to ask him if he could broker something with Cacuzza and Clay's all, "Um. Maybe?" Because we all know he's a lying liar that lies. Also, he's trying to cover his tracks.
Juice asks what happens to Frankie once the Sons find him. "We cut his head off," growls Chibs. But not before the club grills him on who was the mastermind behind the home invasions, Jax says, and Clay totally sits up. This season is going to include at least one Clay-sponsored attempt on Jax's life, isn't it?
Tig shouts, "Let's vote this shit!" and Jax calls for the vote on what to do about Frankie. He stresses that the vote has to be unanimous. Everyone can easily agree on stripping Frankie's patch. Jax then says, "As far as Mr. Mayhem goes, let's hear the pros and cons." Tig says, "He tried to kill you. That would be a pro." And THAT is when it finally hits me: the Men of Mayhem patch is meant to broadcast to all the bikers exactly who is willing or able to step up and kill a brother if the club requires it. (And now I wonder who Jax killed.) Chibs points out, "He shot Lyla. Tried to whack me." It's sweet that Chibs considers the Widow Winston to be under the club umbrella. So the club votes: "All in favor of Frankie Diamonds meeting Mr. Mayhem." It's unanimous. Everyone's off to go kill themselves a brother!
Jax and Bobby linger in the church because Jax needs to tell Bobby how they can't kill Frankie or else Roosevelt won't reveal the rat at the table. Jax outlines his plan: "First, we got to make sure Clay doesn't get to Frankie before we do, because he is going to blow his goddamned head off... when we find Frankie, I insist on pulling the trigger. Then you and me split off to do the kill. We'll take him someplace the sheriff can intercept." Bobby Elvis has been present and accounted for during all five seasons of this show, so he knows exactly how well this is likely to go. (Hint: Not well at all.) But since Bobby does not have any Plan B readily up his sleeve, he agrees to it.
Gemma approaches Clay as he's prepping to ride. They make some awkward small talk and Gemma chokes out, "Careful." Clay takes that as a cue that things are beginning to thaw, so he follows Gemma to her office and breaks the news that Skeeter's done cremated poor crazy Carla, so if Gemma and Nero would like to fetch the ashes, head on over. It's awkward. So awkward. Gemma thanks Clay again for "handling all that," and he just smiles, because he's totally convinced that it's only a matter of time before Gemma's forgiven him for using her as a punching bag.
Clay rolls on out and passes by Jax, who asks if Clay's talked to Cacuzza. Clay's all, "Whatever! Sure, I did," and Jax watches him go, clearly wondering what angle Clay's working.
Then we see everyone riding. This was the point, during the original airing of the episode, where my husband wandered into the room and said, "Wait, these guys are actually on their bikes? When did that happen?" Which makes me admit: I miss the earlier seasons where these guys did occasionally ride for fun.
Tara's at the prison and she meets "Pamela Toric," the daily charge nurse, but since the nurse is played by the excellent Karina Logue, I shall refer to her as "Nurse Karina," mostly because I want you all to remember her name and clamor for her to get more work. She was awesome on Terriers and you all need to go see her in that immediately. Also, please write a letter to FX asking why they couldn't give the series another season or six. ANYWAY. Nurse Karina was reviewing Otto's medical files and there's no reason for Tara to see him again, so why is she wasting her time on him when there are a boatload of other, legitimately sick people Tara could be treating? Tara lies that Otto was showing sensitivity to light, so she'd like to make sure the staph infection was not a precursor to meningitis. That gets Nurse Karina to back down and as she leaves, Tara gives her a killer glare.
Everyone's stopped at a gas station to refuel and Clay's hands are really giving him a hard time. He's got Juice and Filthy Phil fussing over him, and then Jax comes by to check up on Clay too. Clay grimaces, "Lung's holding up, but my goddamn hands --" "Hop in the van. Let Phil ride it out," Jax orders. So there's a brief game of Musical Bikes and as Clay's getting into the van, he gets a call. Clay tells Juice the call is from Cacuzza, and Frankie's being sheltered at a cabin up on "Lake Cascade." I'm putting the lake name in quotes because the only lake by that name out here is a man-made park in a Bay Area county. There is, however, a Cascade Lake, but that's out in Gold Country and the point is if you live in California, the way this show plays fast-and-loose with geography can be crazymaking.
Anyway, Juice's first instinct is to catch up with the rest of the boys and tell them all about it, but Clay -- who would like to kill Frankie before he can talk -- tells Juicy, "Let's you and me vet it out first, see if it's real." Juice gives him a disapproving look and Clay plays the pitiful-old-man card with, "I just had to pass off my goddamned ride. Let me do something useful here, Juice." Naturally, Juice buys the act. How, how, how did he survive in prison with that abundant natural reservoir of gullibility?
And now, here is the point where things get effin' wonky with my version of the episode. I swear, there are scenes that I watched on Tuesday night that aren't on my copy now.
So we jump Gemma and Nero on their date -- first stop: Lucius -- and Nero is explaining how he got back into pimping. Long story short: neither the California penal system nor the U.S. job market is set up to give ex-cons a fair shot at gainful, legitimate employment. Gemma dryly comments that it's hard to be a land baron on minimum wage. Nero asks, "What about you, mama? Being an old lady was your life's ambition?" Gemma says, "My only ambition was to keep moving. I hooked up with JT when I was 18... I was all in from that first ride. Knocked up two months later." Nero refrains from commenting.
Then Lucius comes over and he charms the pants off Gemma by saying, "Wow, she really is pretty!" Gemma is amused and pleased that Nero was talking about her that way.
The club has rolled up outside of the "Fisherman's Poker Club," where they're meeting a mountain of a man -- and nomad club member -- named Quinn. He looks like a bigger, slightly less tattooed version of Kurt Sutter. Anyway, Quinn lumbers inside, the rest of the bikers trailing him like ducklings and they introduce themselves to Pirelli and the rest of the Italians with their fists.
Once the brawling is over and the dust clears, Pirelli asks, quite reasonably, "What the hell is wrong with you guys? Somebody sneezes, you throw a fist? How do you get any business done?" Ha! It's like he speaks for me. Jax explains that Frankie Diamonds needs to not get out of the states and sells the very convincing lie that Frankie is sitting on $500,000 from the club -- cash the club uses to bankroll their business -- and says, "If you think we're noisy, wait until the cartel and the IRA come knocking." Bobby helpfully embroiders the story by wondering if the grenade launchers the cartel has can affect the way the poker chips are stacked at this rustic games palace. Quinn adds, "We just want Frankie." "You can even keep the cash," Jax offers, declining to mention that approximately $350,000 of it is purely imaginary. Pirelli has developed 500,000 reasons to show SAMCRO where Frankie is. Then he tells Jax, "If I find out you're lying, it ain't going to be such a beautiful sunshiney day in the splendor of the lakes. You understand?" Jax rolls his eyes and says, "Not exactly, but I think I get the point."
Meanwhile: Tara enters the room where Otto's been restrained ("Mr. Delaney likes to stick shit in people's ears") and Nurse Karina heads off to summon some poor extra to perform whatever blood draws this charade requires, so that gives Tara a few minutes of privacy with Otto. The con greets her warmly with, "You're a persistent little gash," and Tara concedes that point. She then takes a small blue bottle out of her coat pocket and says, "I brought you something." She uncaps it and lets Otto sniff the wand... all the better to let the scent of Eau de Porn Wife activate his Don't Sell Out The Club gland.
Tara sits down on a stool and says, "I know why you want to die, Otto. It's not just about losing LuAnn, it's about the guilt you feel turning on the club." Otto asks, "You a shrink now too?' Tara shakes her head and says softly, "No. I'm an old lady, protecting my man -- just like LuAnn would have done for you." Tara has come a long way from the doctor who recoiled at having to socialize with porn stars; now she's eagerly drawing parallels.
Then we have a scene that is both creepy and moving: Otto requests that Tara put some on her wrist and move her wrist close to his face so he can sniff. Tara watches, fascinated and repelled by the depth of Otto's devotion to his dead wife's scent-memory and it's not until an orderly comes in that she draws away.
So we're now at the lovely little cabin where Frankie Diamonds is cooling his heels and it looks like Frankie's handler just got a phone call about the huge stacks of money Frankie's purportedly sitting on. (That lie was the best thing Jax could have done to wreck Frankie's relationship with the Mob.) We have a tiresome little scene where the two meatheads get all Italian fuhgeddaboudit about everything, and then Frankie shoots his handler right before Clay and Juice roll up to do some more shooting. In between flinging weapons around, Clay persuades Juice not to call Jax and relay the info on Frankie's whereabouts or shooty habits.
Then, because this is Sons of Anarchy and it's been a while since we've had a good explosion... we get a good explosion thanks to Clay steering the van toward a propane tank and letting combustion do the rest. The bikers and the rest of the Mob contingent see this from the road.
Meanwhile, Juice get the drop on Frankie, who confesses everything about Clay manipulating the nomads; unfortunately for Frankie, he's confessing to the one club member who can't imagine Clay doing such a thing, so the odds of Juice turning the gun on Clay all, "Father Figure! You have betrayed the club's sacred trust!" are vanishingly small. Clay kicks down the door at that moment to make his own badass shotgun-toting appearance, but before he can blow off Frankie's head, Jax comes bursting through yet another door all, "No! Not yet!" And the Mob comes through still ANOTHER door, takes one look at the dead mob enforcer on the floor and cuts through all the biker psychodrama with a few well-aimed bullets to Frankie's skull. If Jax's hands were not full of gun at the moment, he would surely facepalm.
When everyone gets back to the clubhouse, Jax is still in A Mood, but he is appropriately kind to Quinn with his thanks, then has a quick conference with Bobby Elvis about the Frankie issue. Jax says he's still delivering "the third nomad" to Roosevelt and Bobby snorts, "Come on -- are you going to prop him up in the front seat and play Weekend at Frankie's?" Jax doesn't even laugh, so concerned is he about how to handle Clay. Suddenly, Bobby Elvis is spouting off about needing "tangible evidence" before he can do anything about Clay, so either someone was forced to watch a lot of Law and Order marathons while a guest in the federal penal system or this is just a way to drag out a plot in what is otherwise a "shoot first, scramble to contain the damage later" type of culture.
And now, this is the point in recapping where I realized my iTMS download is different from what I actually watched on Tuesday night because, oceans of vodka notwithstanding, I have a distinct recollection of a scene between Otto and Tara where he asks her to release one wrist. She does so and he asks her to lean in and stroke his forehead. As Tara does this, Otto admits that he wanted to feel a woman's touch once more before he died. Then, enveloped in the scent of his beloved LuAnn, another old lady's hand soothing his brow, Otto begins fondling himself and weeping. Tara can only look down, horror and pity mingled on her features.
Anyway, know when I remembered that scene? When we jumped to this one: Tara's in her office and Jax comes in to ask how it went with Otto. "FREAKILY! OH MY GOD, SO FREAKILY!" Tara does not reply. She says instead, "It was just incredibly sad. He's just emotionally broken. The perfume crushed him. He was sobbing." Jax cringes in empathy. Not spoken between these two: What could happen to Tara if Jax went back inside -- or what it would take to break Jax like Otto's been broken. But! Tara thinks she got through to him, so that's a plus. Margaret comes into the office then to beam about how Abel's been released and Jax charmingly smiles his thanks at Margaret. Then the administrator drops a bomb: "I got a call from Karen Dunhill at Providence Hospital. Her Oregon team will be down at the conference. They want to know if you're available." Cue Jax looking up from the paperwork he's signing in utter surprise. Tara's equally shocked to discover that the offer from the Portland hospital is on the table. Margaret leaves and Jax asks, "The Oregon offer's still on the table?" Tara deflects, but Jax looks really thoughtful. Whether this is because he still holds out hope that Tara and the boys can break free of Charming or because he now (falsely) suspects Tara's making a Plan B without him remains to be seen.
Ooh, ooh! I just remembered another scene that is mysteriously missing from my iTMS version: Gemma and Nero go break into a mausoleum to lay Carla's ashes to rest and Nero prays for Carla. The whole thing makes Gemma ponder mortality, and the perks of spending the day with a man who is not alternately bullshitting her or beating her. She really wants to go all in on him -- but there's always her family to consider.
Bobby Elvis is in the clubhouse, pulling money out of the safe and Clay asks, "Skeeter's ash cash?" Nice one. There's a long, silent moment, then Clay asks, "Anything I should know, VP?" Bobby asks, "About?" "My future," Clay replies. "I don't know. You got something you want to share?" Bobby asks. "My conscience is clear," Clay says, and technically, he's not lying because he has no conscience, ergo nothing weighs on what doesn't exist. Clay then shifts gears: "Where do you think he ends up?" Bobby asks, "Jax? He's making good choices." Clay snorts, "Yeah. And the better they are, the more familiar they'll feel, and --" "He ain't you," Bobby says firmly. Clay self-righteously claims he is only thinking of the club and he certainly has no designs on the presidency. As Clay goes to leave, Bobby asks, "Is that why you set the nomads in motion?" Clay correctly notes that if Bobby's threat had any teeth, he wouldn't be making it as Clay was walking out the door. Bobby says, "I really hope you're as smart as you think you are. I am tired of burning friends." Clay says brightly, "Me too!" and leaves Bobby Elvis to his thoughts. You guys, it's only a matter of time before Clay makes a move on Bobby -- I can feel it. By season seven, the only biker left on this show that we'll recognize will be Filthy Phil; everyone else will be dead by each other's hands.
Gemma's waiting for Jax and Tara at their house when they come in with their kids. She says she's there to return the house key. Tara spirits the boys away, and Jax comes over to the kitchen table, takes the key and asks, "That it?" Gemma says, "No. Sit down." Jax very pointedly remains standing. Gemma sighs and says, "Please," and Jax reluctantly sits with a big, elaborate O! To have been an orphan! sigh.
Gemma says, "I can count the times I've really been happy on one hand. You and your brother... Abel and Thomas..." Jax is wondering if this is going anywhere. Gemma continues, "I like Nero, Jax. I haven't felt... light in a very long time. (Tara joins them, glaring daggers) The thing you want me to do? With Clay? I can't do both. And you're right. We lay down together, things get old and familiar. If I'm going to go back to that place, I need to know that what you promised is real. Not from you. From her." Tara says levelly, "I'm aware what Jax asked you to. And if you help him get what he needs from Clay, you can have that key back. And the family that goes with it."
Hey, remember how in the first episode of the series, we were all pearl-clutchy over Gemma giving Wendy a syringe full of smack and telling her to kill herself as penance for what she did to Abel? Doesn't that seem refreshingly forthright compared to what Tara's doing here?
(Come on: If Tara's really that livid over Gemma nearly killing the boys, then she'd be Done, no negotiating about it. Tara's going along with Jax's "Pimp My Mom" plan because making the older woman -- and, let us not forget, sexual assault survivor -- grovel for grandkid access after performing sexual acts with her abuser is a form of petty revenge.)
Anyway, Gemma gets up to go and Jax asks, "You good?" Gemma says softly, "No, son. I'm really not," then goes.
We then see Jax kissing Abel goodnight. He stops by the bathroom and watches Tara comb her hair for a moment. He's got to nip out for a few hours, but when he gets back, there will be hijinks. Oh yes, there will be hot, I-shot-a-fed-levels of libidinous activity.
Gemma's come back to the New Best Little Whorehouse in Charming, where Nero's hanging out and reading a book about spreadsheet management. For real. (I love the details like that.) There's some small talk, which Gemma is lousy at because she's too busy wondering how to sugarcoat "I sort of have to dump you because your business partner -- also known as my son, may I curse the day he clawed out of my womb -- wants me to whore myself out to my ex for club intel, and I'll never see my grandkids again if I don't do it."
But right as Gemma's about to open her mouth, she's interrupted by twittering. The actual old-fashioned kind, not a dozen half-literate call girls writing "OMG HAD 2 BONE A COUNCILMAN 2NITE. #SOGROSS #EWWMANBOOBS." Nero smiles and says, "My new friends." Charmed, Gemma follows the noise and we see that Nero's bought two lovely little green-and-gold lovebirds. Gemma looks at the cage, nearly moved to tears by the whole thing. Nero hangs back, watching her reaction and says shyly, "I was going to get some fish. Then I saw you had this thing for birds." Gemma turns and asks, "You did this for me?" Oh, Nero. You make it so hard for a woman to dump you for her abusive ex!
Nero says self-deprecatingly, "Lovebirds... too on-the-nose, right?" Gemma looks up at him and says honestly, "No. They're beautiful. Thank you." Whoever is doing the makeup just killed it this episode, because they've given Gemma a pale, gleaming glow and huge, vulnerable eyes. She looks like she's been washed in moonlight.
Nero sits down, takes her hand and asks what's going on. Gemma lies that she's exhausted and needs to take some time to Swim In The Lake Of Her. Nero endorses that and Gemma kisses him. Nero reminds her that he's here and Gemma leaves to the accompaniment of birdsong.
Tara's applying moisturizer before bed, as is required of all TV wives and mothers and she notices the bottle of Eau de Porn Sadness on her dresser. One sniff and she's off to the races, having a genuine Otto-erotic experience.
Jax is missing the warm-up act because he's meeting with Roosevelt to deliver the bad news: There will be no Frankie Diamonds to feed to the gears of the justice machine, because the nomad's body is currently cooling in the back of the van. Roosevelt does not take this well. Jax attempts to placate Roosevelt with, "Frankie pissed off a lot of people. This happened before we could get to him. It wasn't us." Roosevelt would like to know what, pray tell, he is to do with a dead body; Jax is all, "Well, stage the discovery of his worthless corpse in Chigger Woods." You know, with colorful local landmark names like that, it's a mystery why Charming is not more of a culty gem on the roadtripper rosters of America.
Jax then presses Roosevelt on who the rat at the SAMCRO table is and Roosevelt says, "I'm not doing this. I'm not going to be responsible for another dead body." Jax shakes his head and says, "Too late. I know it wasn't me or Bobby. Chibs, Tig, Happy -- they'd cut their own hearts out before they'd talk to the cops. Phil, the prospects, don't know dick. Clay, not enough upside for him to rat. Only leaves one guy, a guy who tried to hang himself a few months back." Roosevelt is silent for a moment, perhaps impressed that Jax has the kind of cerebral chops that would have served him well in the logic portion of the GREs. Then he says, "You know, he had no choice." Jax doesn't see it that way: "We always have a choice." Roosevelt asks, "What happens to him now?" Jax doesn't reply; he only reloads his .45.
Speaking of Juice, he's monkeying around with a bike over at Clay's when the bell rings. It's Gemma, who's offering to shoot some cortisone into Clay's knuckles. He clearly thinks it's the prelude to her gradually coming back to him; Gemma tries to channel her loving-but-no-nonsense demeanor, all too aware of how Clay can't take his eyes off her. Juice, sensing A Moment in the offing, takes his leave of the couple. As he motors off, Jax -- who is parked in a black SUV nearby -- pulls away and begins tailing Juice through the night.
Will Juice make it through the supersized episode airing this week? Will I? Stay tuned.
Lisa Schmeiser lives in an Oakland-adjacent island town. She's a reporter and blogger when not confronting the awful reality that toddlers are capable of horking more than twice their body volume.
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