We begin with a blonde hunky-type riding a hog down a highway at night, with a close-up of his leather jacket, embroidered with "Sons of Anarchy" on the back. Cut to a rickety-ass house, where an entire group of leather jacket enthusiasts -- their jackets say "The Mayans" on the back -- are stealing a bunch of guns from inside the house. Hmm, wonder who those belong to.
Cut back to Blonde Hunky-Type in a liquor store, thumbing through a children's book. He makes nice with some slutty clerk he knows, buys condoms, she basically calls him a man-whore, advising that it's cheaper to just buy those things in bulk, but as she's kindly giving him a free children's book, she notices a giant explosion about a half-mile away. This upsets Blonde Hunky-Type, who quickly runs out of the store.
Now we're looking at the back of several Sons of Anarchy jackets on bikes, entering a town called Charming. They pull up to the remains of last night's explosion at the same time a San Joaquin Valley sheriff deputy is checking out the scene. The leader of the gang, who is played by Ron Perlman, clearly has this deputy on the payroll. He exclaims, "What the hell happened?!" Like it's the deputy's fault. The deputy tells them it was arson and that all the guns are gone (even the M-4s! Shit!), and the biggest, burliest Son says it was the "Shit-eating Mayans." Excellent guess. Just as they pay the deputy his salary for keeping the heat off of them for owning the house and ammo inside that exploded, he opens a secret hatch, in dramatic John Locke fashion, where two mystery ladies are folded up nicely, burned to a crisp. Everyone's like, oh man, we're in trouble now! Blonde Hunky-Type tells Ron Perlman it ain't easy being king. Ron Perlman (whose character is named "Clay," according to IMdb) tells him to remember that, and the opening credits roll.
Back from the credits! We're at a bike lot, where the Sons are trying to get a deer carcass out of a car windshield. We meet two more members of the gang -- one is the Scottish guy with the scar on his face from Braveheart, and the other is a little wimpy kid they give shit to for being a vegetarian. The latter is charged with sawing the deer in half and prying it out of the car. He doesn't care for this, but he's wimpy so he just agrees to do it.
He doesn't care for this, but he's wimpy so he just agrees to do it.
Blonde Hunky-Type gets a call on his cell, and answers, "Hey, Ma!" We see the "Ma!" on the other line is none other than Katey Sagal, chain-smoking, driving and talking, all at the same time! The IMdb page for this show lists her character as "Gemma," but I swear to God nobody calls her that even once in this episode. She asks him if he's gone to storage to pick up old baby stuff. She is also planning a dinner party for all the hooligans. She asks him if he's heard from his ex-wife, who was supposed to be sending him "the doctor bills," but he says he hasn't heard from her in weeks. So I guess that explains the urgency for the children's book and old baby stuff. Gemma says she'll check in on her. He calls her a grandmother. She calls him an asshole. I like it.
Now we see Drea De Matteo alone at home, lookin' like a straight-up crackhead, which we soon find out is exactly what she is. She ponders chowing down on some ice cream, but quickly decides that shooting up what appears to be crank is tastier. The camera pulls out to reveal she's pregnant, in case you needed to see it to believe it.
Now Clay is on a bench in Oakland, telling the guy expecting the M-4s that they're gone, along with everything else. Guy expecting the M-4s is not happy, but Clay explains that he deserves some leeway because he's never sold to the Mexicans, who are apparently Tough Customer's arch nemeses. This works on Tough Customer somewhat. Clay has until Sunday to deliver the guns, or Tough Customer will unleash black people upon Charming. Apparently, this is quite a threat.
Blonde Hunky-Type is in a garage now, playing with the aforementioned baby stuff (and a few big-ass guns, you know, for kids!) when he finds a manila folder of old photos of his parents, and presumably, his father in Vietnam. Then he finds the motherload: The memoirs his father was writing in secret, which reveal that he never wanted Blonde Hunky-Type (whose name is Jackson, we now know), to get mixed up in a life of crime. Sure, you tell him now.
Big Burly Biker is playing a guitar in some sort of rec hall, when the wimpy vegetarian comes in. Big Burly Biker calls him "Half-Sack," and another character asks him how he got that name. Half-Sack explains he got half his nuts blown off in Iraq, and shows everyone. Yikes. Then Clay, Braveheart Scar and some other biker dude come in, upset about something. They yell out for Jax, who is still thumbing through his dad's old crap in secret.
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Cut to the first of many official gang meetings, where the Sons are plotting to retaliate against the Mayans. They need someone to blow shit up in order to do this properly, so they have to convince some guy named Opie, who is apparently the best, to do the job while their regular explosives guy takes a vacay against his will because he needs a break. Meeting adjourned.
Gemma shows up to take Jax and the gang to hospital to see Drea de Matteo. A doctor tells Jax they had to do an emergency c-section, and that the baby is 10 weeks pre-mature, with a heart defect and some other internal problems. Gemma calls the heart defect "the family flaw" quite smugly, and judging by the long scar on her breast plate, I can see why. Jax tells the doctor the baby's name is Abel, which, wow, they really love this brotherhood theme they've got going on. They're going to operate on Abel, but outlook doesn't look great.
The doctor, whose name is Tara, clearly has some history with Jax. She says she wants to help his son. Jax is touched by this, but he quickly rushes out, saying he has something to do. Clay tells some Sons to watch Jax's back. Cut to Jax and a few Sons walking into a bar. Jax goes to town on some guy playing pool, shouting "You sold crank to my pregnant ex-wife?!" in between stomps, kicks and punches. The dude is seriously effed up by the end of it, and Jax doesn't look like he feels much better, but they all leave anyway. As they do, a parked car containing a very white trashed-up Skinner from The X-Files and some other guy in a wife beater watch them go with great interest.
Jax is now at some lumber site trying to convince this Opie character to blow shit up for him, but Opie protests, saying he can't do the job because he just got out of jail and made a promise to his wife, who was not happy about having to raise their two kids alone while he was in jail for five years. Makes sense, but seriously, why would you have two kids with a gang member? I will never understand this. Jax does his best to persuade Opie to do it for the money, because he knows his family is in debt. Opie looks very nervous, but he's clearly going to do the job.
New company meeting! Now the Sons are planning how to get all the guns back by Sunday. Either they just get new ones from somewhere else, or they invade the Mayans and steal them back in some stupidly risky operation. I wonder which they'll choose? They celebrate Jax's vengeance on the crank dealer, and the gang tells Jax they'll always be there for him in his time of need. Meeting adjourned.
Clay is wandering around the club complaining about a rank smell. After some searching, he finds the severed buck head from the car windshield in a cardboard box underneath the pool table. Everyone is grossed out. Half-Sack explains he was going to mount it as a present for the club, but admits he knows nothing about mounting buck heads and everybody laughs at him. Clay is still grossed out. I love Half-Sack.
Cut to some underground biker boxing match. Jax, Clay, and a few other Sons are still debating what to do about the guns, but they're leaning towards invading the Mayans. This is surprising to no one. Jax makes some futile comment about how maybe the gang should stop being criminals, and everyone, especially Clay, look at him like he has antennae bonging around on top of his head.
Jax and Clay walk out alone together. Clay asks Jax if he's doing OK, and then tells him not to worry about the Mayans right now, and to just take care of his family. He then reveals that he started the gang with Jax's father, and orders him to go see his son. They embrace, all teary-eyed.
Now we're in Drea de Matteo's hospital room. Jax wakes her gently, and she goes into a classic junkie "Everybody hates me! I'm so sorry! I promise I'll get help!" speech, and Jax wisely doesn't buy it, but he assures her that the hospital will do everything they can for the baby. Then she tries to manipulate him into removing all the evidence against her in her house, and he even more wisely laughs in her face and walks away disgusted, which would be impressive, except in the scene he's in Drea de Matteo's house, presumably to do what she asked. Gemma is already there, however, maniacally "cleaning," though she's clearly looking for something. He tells her the kid is going to die, and she slaps him pretty hard and shames him for not being strong for his son. He says he can't go see his son yet, and she says, "Why? Because he'll break your heart? It's called being a father." Ouch. I mean, she doesn't know yet that he found out he's living the exact opposite of what his father wanted for him, but still. Lots of daddy issues on this show. She tells him the family is exceptionally strong, because they can survive the stress of heart defects and being dragged by semi-trucks, which are what killed his brother and his father, respectively. More brother issues for Jax. More father issues for Jax. He abruptly asks her if his father ever talked to her about his vision for the gang, and she brushes him off, saying something about a brotherhood, because this show is obsessed with saying that word. He tells her he recently found some stuff indicating that he wanted more of a hippie commune on Harleys than a gun-running band of criminals, and she says that he was just young and idealistic back then. You see, had he lived to be her age, he'd totally be into being a hardened criminal. It's just something that comes with age. She leaves. Jax flushes a bunch of Drea De Matteo's drugs. It's not so much that he's stupid, it's that he's weak. They should just let him out; this kid is totally not cut out for this life.
Now we're in Gemma and Clay's bedroom, and now we know they're married to each other. They're both getting ready for bed, and it's really intimate and tender, as they talk about the activities of the day, and what hell Jax is going through. She's very concerned about Jax questioning the gang's morality. "Remorse is a dangerous thing," she says. She makes Clay promise not to let the ghost of his father change Jax, and to convince him to remain a criminal so he can take over the gang someday. For some reason. She closes the deal with some encouraging oral sex, and Clay seems troubled, but pretty sold on the idea. The stress of turning a young man against his dead father will do that to a person. If you ever thought Hamlet would really work on Harleys, well, here's your test case.
It's the day. We're at a diner with Clay and Jax sitting in a booth across from Skinner from The X-Files and one of his thugs. Clay slides a very fancy white-handled .357 magnum in a velvet box across to Skinner, as an apology for Jax beating the crap out of the crank dealer, who is one of Skinner's employees. Jax bitches at Skinner for selling crank to his ex-wife, Skinner makes a snide comment about it, and they wrastle for a second. It is broken up, and Clay hilariously apologizes to the restaurant and generously invites them to go back to their corn dogs. Hee. Clay explains to Skinner that he doesn't appreciate them dealing crank in Charming, because nobody does business around these here parts without the Sons' permission. Skinner's like yeah, whatever, but doesn't make any promises.
Doctor Tara is briefing Gemma and one glorious piece of trash, that I can only assume is Drea De Matteo's mother, on Abel's condition. I see where she gets her looks from. The doctor recommends to Gemma that she say something encouraging to Drea De Matteo, whose name, it turns out, is "Wendy." Gemma's like "Oh hell no, I'm not talking to that crank whore!" and then we learn that this doctor and Gemma have some messy history, and that they don't like each other too much. Something tells me Gemma doesn't like any girl who gets close to her Jax, no matter who she is. We also learn the doctor has a trampy tramp stamp, courtesy of Gemma lifting up the back of her scrubs as she walks away, which is just about the most enraging non-violent thing I think I've ever seen anyone do to someone. Tara remains cool about it and informs Gemma that she leaves it there so she'll always know those days are behind her. Ha! Get it! Behind her! 'Cause it's on her back! Gemma calls her a bitch and walks away, which seems to be how she ends most conversations.
The Sons are about to embark on their Mayan invasion, when Jax swings by Opie's house to pick him up. Opie's wife figures out what he's about to do and completely loses her shit, so Jax is a real stand-up guy about it and offers to do the job for him. Opie agrees, and hands the professional grade explosives to Jax, who likely doesn't know what the hell he's doing. It's still a nice gesture that Jax made, I suppose. A nice gesture that could get all the Sons blown up, but still a nice gesture all the same. Why doesn't this kid just go to veterinarian school or something?
Clay's not thrilled about Jax doing Opie's work for him, but he doesn't have time to argue about it, so onward they charge to Mayan country, with the rest of the gang.
Now we're in some amazing nightclub, where an Asian Elvis is rehearsing. Half-Sack and Big Burly Biker are haggling with the club owner over being double-booked with Asian Elvis. Apparently in addition to gun-running bikers, they are also entertainers! The club owner tells them there's nothing he can do, because tourists love Asian Elvis, and walks off. Asian Elvis is officially toast.
Cut to the gang's infiltration of Mayan headquarters, inter-spliced with uneventful shots of Abel's surgery. Fortunately, Mayan headquarters is deserted for the moment, so the Sons have a good time going through everything and setting up the explosives. Then we cut back to the amazing nightclub, where Half-Sack is beating the living hell out of Asian Elvis, who does not break character once, even while being kicked to death. He is a true entertainer and a rising star. I can see why the tourists adore him.
Back to the warehouse! They found the guns! Yay! Let's get out of here! Jax is of course having some trouble setting up the professional grade explosives, and Clay is all impatient and disapproving, but there's no time for that now! A noisy muscle car has pulled up outside and Clay says, "Gotta be the Mayans." Another thing I've never understood about gang members -- why not use stealthier cars? That engine just screams rival gang.
Clay and Jax go to check out the muscle car, which is occupied by two whole Mayans. Jax wants to run and avoid a violent confrontation, but Clay basically calls him a candy ass and says he came to send a message. I hate to admit it, but I'm with Jax on this one.
Anyway, Jax dons a blanket and creates a diversion, stumbling up to the Mayans pretending to be a drunk homeless man. The Mayans start taunting the pandejo borracho, and Clay sneaks up and shoots one of them in the throat, saying that's what happens when you steal from the Sons. Then he leaves Jax with the other Mayan, saying "He's all yours." Wouldn't you want to keep that guy alive so he could deliver the message to his fellow gang members? No wonder Jax questions Clay's leadership. The Mayan gets on his knees and starts praying in Spanish, which makes Jax hesitate because he can't do anything right. Out of nowhere, some new guy emerges from behind a dumpster, shooting Jax in the back twice, which is cool because he's wearing a vest. Jax rolls onto his back and shoots dumpster man a couple times. Clay then rapid fires on the praying Mayan, and that hombre is dead and dead! He then tells Jax to "Finish it" with the dumpster guy, who is lying face down on the pavement, dying, and really grumbling about it. Jax protests, saying it's already finished, even though it clearly is not, and Clay looks at him like he doesn't even know him anymore. Then Braveheart Scar runs up all upset about the carnage, but he's ignored. They examine dead dumpster man and realize he is one of Skinner's men, which means Skinner is now in cahoots with the Mexicans. Which is weird, because he's a Nazi, but hey, business is business, right? He's got the drugs, they've got the muscle. It's a partnership made in crime drama heaven! They stuff the two Mayans and Skinner's boy in a car in the warehouse and blow it to hell, but not before sticking one seriously hilarious stick of dynamite in dumpster man's butt. Ha! Good one! And they're off!
I can see why the tourists adore him.
Back to the warehouse! They found the guns! Yay! Let's get out of here! Jax is of course having some trouble setting up the professional grade explosives, and Clay is all impatient and disapproving, but there's no time for that now! A noisy muscle car has pulled up outside and Clay says, "Gotta be the Mayans." Another thing I've never understood about gang members -- why not use stealthier cars? That engine just screams rival gang.
Clay and Jax go to check out the muscle car, which is occupied by two whole Mayans. Jax wants to run and avoid a violent confrontation, but Clay basically calls him a candy ass and says he came to send a message. I hate to admit it, but I'm with Jax on this one.
Anyway, Jax dons a blanket and creates a diversion, stumbling up to the Mayans pretending to be a drunk homeless man. The Mayans start taunting the pandejo borracho, and Clay sneaks up and shoots one of them in the throat, saying that's what happens when you steal from the Sons. Then he leaves Jax with the other Mayan, saying "He's all yours." Wouldn't you want to keep that guy alive so he could deliver the message to his fellow gang members? No wonder Jax questions Clay's leadership. The Mayan gets on his knees and starts praying in Spanish, which makes Jax hesitate because he can't do anything right. Out of nowhere, some new guy emerges from behind a dumpster, shooting Jax in the back twice, which is cool because he's wearing a vest. Jax rolls onto his back and shoots dumpster man a couple times. Clay then rapid fires on the praying Mayan, and that hombre is dead and dead! He then tells Jax to "Finish it" with the dumpster guy, who is lying face down on the pavement, dying, and really grumbling about it. Jax protests, saying it's already finished, even though it clearly is not, and Clay looks at him like he doesn't even know him anymore. Then Braveheart Scar runs up all upset about the carnage, but he's ignored. They examine dead dumpster man and realize he is one of Skinner's men, which means Skinner is now in cahoots with the Mexicans. Which is weird, because he's a Nazi, but hey, business is business, right? He's got the drugs, they've got the muscle. It's a partnership made in crime drama heaven! They stuff the two Mayans and Skinner's boy in a car in the warehouse and blow it to hell, but not before sticking one seriously hilarious stick of dynamite in dumpster man's butt. Ha! Good one! And they're off!
Back from commercial! Abel's surgery is over, and boy does tramp stamp doctor Tara look tired. Gemma goes into Wendy's hospital room and warmly tells her that her son is going to make it. Then she suggests they say a nice prayer together, which quickly turns into Katey Sagal praying to God that Abel is saved from his murderous junkie whore mother. It's a great zing and all, but Katey Sagal's just so adorable I just wanna go, "C'mere, you!" every time she tries to be menacing. This could just be me, but she has a warmth she can't really hide, even when she's calling a distraught mother a murderous junkie whore. Anyway, Wendy's all like, "It's different this time! I can clean up!" And Gemma grabs her by the throat and is all like, you come near that kid and I'll kill you, and walks out, suggesting she turn to Jesus. Wendy opens her bible to find that Gemma has slipped a fully stocked syringe of crank inside, and starts sobbing uncontrollably. Yeah, how different is it this time now, crackie?
Jax is at the hospital now, where he runs into tramp stamp doctor Tara in an empty hallway. They happily embrace over his son surviving the surgery and seriously look like they're going to make out when she notices the blood all over him and gets this look on her face like she totally knows it's not his blood. She pushes him away and tells him to clean himself up, and "I Can't Help Falling in Love With You" starts rolling to reveal Big Burly Biker up on that nightclub stage in full-on Elvis get-up! I could die! His voice is pure velvet! Then a montage of tramp stamp doctor Tara gazing googly-eyed at Abel, Wendy foaming at the mouth and convulsing from all the crank while a zillion doctors hurriedly try to save her, and more of Big Burly Biker's performance, which is truly a sight to behold. He's fantastic. The montage ends with Jax tenderly looking over his son in one of those preemie incubators, trying to hold the tears back. Gemma slowly walks up behind him and whispers, "He's perfect." and Clay shows up behind the glass to complete the family portrait. It's really a very touching moment. A totally fucked up family, but a truly touching moment, just the same. Even criminals have feelings.
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Find out what Katey Sagal thinks about her new role in our interview. And then get the dish on more new shows in our fall season preview.
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