Previously: WHAT did I tell you about text-message-voting and spelling challenges? Ugh. Four dancers eliminated tonight.
The opening group dance is a Cyrus-centric affair, to the point where his face is spookily superimposed above the stage as a kind of "mirror mirror on the wall" type thing, with his face half-skull-painted. He's the centerpiece of the entire routine, too -- a hip-hop piece set in the same enchanted forest as last season's "Roman's Revenge" with Melanie and Twitch. It's some impressive stuff, by Tabitha and Napoleon and set to Marilyn Manson's "The Beautiful People" (remember when we had a Marilyn Manson??), but the overt propping up of Cyrus is a bit distracting, I can't lie.
Cole and Lindsay: Hip-Hop (Christopher Scott)
With everything crammed into this episode, the training packages are quite short, so we only get a bit of the concept: Lindsay is a vampy dentist preying on an ultra-nerdy Cole. On stage, they're using a dentist's chair as a prop. Hrm. I don't know quite what to make of Christopher Scott. His group routines are dynamite, but his pair dances seem WAY too precious, and this falls into that category (it's set to Lady Gaga's "Teeth, which... so on the nose!). Though I'm very happy that FINALLY Jennifer Aniston's role in Horrible Bosses is getting the dance treatment it deserves (the fact that Adam Shankman soon steals this joke from me doesn't diminish it at all). Cole hams up the nerd thing like whoa, both in routine and after, to the point where he starts honestly unnerving the judges. Nigel says he's been in character all WEEK? Is that possibly true? Adam finally is like, "Dude, let it go!" but Cole remains creepily steadfast. Nigel notes that Lindsay felt "immature" in the routine and was playing too much to the audience, which I have kind of always felt was the case with her. She's needy. Meanwhile, Cole's overcommitting to the gag has me turning against him. It's a goofy hip-hop dance, man; nothing about this calls for Andy Kaufman.
Amelia and Will: Contemporary (Sonya Tayeh)
These clip packages are so brief, we don't always get to see the style of dance spelled out. I've been around the block with this show long enough to pick up on it, but think of the newbies! This show taught me so much about dance, let's not shortchange anyone else. The dance is a dark, almost gothic-looking tale of romantic co-dependence or some such, and Sonya has wisely chosen to cast Amelia against type. I love that after months of auditions and everyone saying they couldn't wait for hipster-china-doll Amelia to work with Sonya, and Sonya resisted the temptation to indulge in her own reputation for oddness. Not that this isn't odd, but Amelia's grungy-haired grasping girl is a far cry from the silent-movie wannabe we've seen. Will, meanwhile, is kind of a marvel of nature. How he makes that big frame look so light is a wonder. Meanwhile, both dancers are taking the opportunity to work out their leg extensions, which are INSANE. The judges all seem to praise Sonya first and foremost, though Nigel's the only one who calls Will and Amelia "lucky," which is a strange way to praise them. Adam stands up to applaud them and lets them know they "stepped it up," then acknowledges the movie plug he just made. Dude, you're getting 15 minutes of precious show time later on; relaaaaaax.
Amber and Nick: Tango (Miriam Larici and Leonardo Barrionuevo )
The watchwords in rehearsal are "one body," in that the dancers are supposed to meld into one being, but I'm not sure they fully succeed. Nick, despite being a ballroom specialist (and getting that specialty two weeks in a row) looks stooped in some of these maneuvers; meanwhile you can see Amber efforting through an unfamiliar style. But man, her legs are kicking in this thing! Still, the overall dance seems more mannered and over-determined than the best tangos. But what do I know? Mary says it was a difficult routine that was danced quite well. "It didn't look like work," which was basically the opposite of my take, but I GUESS you should agree with the expert in ballroom dancing. She then calls out a specific pivot move that Nick did that's supposedly super difficult. It's good praise, because the other two judges thought Amber looked brilliant and left Nick an afterthought.
Audrey and Matthew: Jazz (Sonya Tayeh)
Again, I THINK this is jazz but we're not told. In rehearsals, Matthew makes a joke at the idea that Audrey has to show her "aggressive side," since he says she has none. On stage ... okay, a word about Matthew, who discarded his shirt but added some guyliner. Cat backs me up that the guyliner looks good (that FACE!), but his chest and abs are so insanely defined, I'd say they were airbrushed on (another point of similarity between him and Ryan Gosling I guess?), if they didn't look authentic up close. YES, I LOOKED. I'm not dead. Anyway, the dance is both mechanical and sexual, which is a combination Sonya does well. Matthew and Audrey look like two flesh-covered androids learning to have sex like the humans do. Audrey's split comes into play again, to great effect. Hell, Matthew's does too. This isn't romantic love like last week; it's cold, mechanical fucking, but it's sexy as hell regardless. The judges again praise Sonya first, but they remember to get to the part where Audrey and Matthew are two of the season's best dancers. Mary: "You're so little! But you dance out to your extremities!" Adam doubted Audrey back in Vegas (me too, dude), but those doubts have been erased (me too, kiiinda), and to Matthew he says, "It's yours to lose," and then OH MY GOD with that smile and that face and that body and this is ridiculous and I'm sorry. It's not even satisfying to have Matthew as my Dance Boyfriend this year, because he was built in a dream factory for such a purpose.
Dareian and Janelle: Lyrical Hip-Hop (Christopher Scott)
The idea here is that Dareian wants to propose to Janelle, which gave me pause, as those kinds of routines are almost always cheesy. And indeed, the whole thing -- set to "My Girl" -- looks old-fashioned and not that exciting. But on second look, I think I like that about it. It also feels more Broadway than hip-hop, but I like that too. The judges are not as into it, with Nigel even going to far as to (gently) chide Christopher Scott for making something too simple. His concern -- and Adam's too -- is that the audience won't find this very inspiring, which is fair. And Adam adds that Janelle needs to work on knowing when to direct the dance out to the audience or inward to a character. Honestly, I think part of it is that I'm finding Dareian a little impenetrable as a personality, and I wonder if other people are too. (Oh, I'm leaving out the part where Janelle and Dareian kiss at the end, which causes the judges to create one of those faux-spontaneous kisses, this time between Adam and Nigel, because maybe if we stop paying attention, they'll stop doing it.)
Brandon and Janaya: Broadway (Sean Cheeseman)
So Janaya is a manhunter of a woman while Brandon is the man in her sights, only he doesn't want anything to do with her. You know, maybe Brandon just doesn't want ANYONE touching him? Anyway, this dance is a LOT of fun, sprightly and quick and funny. Good Broadway choreography! Who knew?? The judges are all happy with the improvement that Janaya has shown since last week, and I have to agree.
Cyrus and Eliana: Jive (Tony Meredith and Melanie LaPatin)
Every season, I get more and more psyched to see Melanie LaPatin, and this year it's even better because I have decided that she is the real-life version of Kelly Bishop in Bunheads. Anyway, the choreography once again seeks to protect Cyrus and his limitations, but the result is a Dancing with the Stars-level hand-holding on Eliana's part. Dancing basically by herself, she kills it, though. Mary gives Cyrus an A for effort; praises his partnering and lifts, while Nigel says Cyrus "got through it," which, okay. Nigel -- who is Captain Explainy this season -- also explains the new format of how the contestants pick their dance styles: they draw numbers, and they choose their routines from a set of possibilities in the order of those numbers. So Eliana and Cyrus were left with Foxtrot, Tango, Jive, Bollywood (oh, dude, Bollywood hardly ever fails!). Anyway, Nigel sympathizes with Eliana, who has so much work to do with her partner, but STILL is overshadowed. Shades of Jeanine, for real.
Alexa and Daniel: Contemporary (Dee Casparay)
The prop for THIS one is a bathtub, which Casparay says "represents the water drowning the words." Awesome. Also, Alexa says connecting with Daniel is important so file that away. They're way nakeder than last week, which is an improvement. They're gorgeous, but I have to admit, I get no heat here. Adam certainly notices the lack of chemistry. This, I think, was a bad pairing from the start. The ballet guy isn't going to be the one to meet "chilly" Alexa halfway. The consensus is that the execution was flawless, but something was missing, and oh no, Alexa's getting that look on her face again! But just look at them standing to each other. Stiff as a board!
George and Tiffany: Foxtrot (Tony Meredith and Melanie LaPatin)
I have to be honest, it still takes me a while to remember Tiffany's name, despite the fact that she's with George -- good ol' Babyteeth! -- who is one of my favorites this season. It's too bad because these two make a fantastic pair, and their foxtrot is elegant and flawless. It's a tough dance to pull, because it's like twice as difficult as something like the waltz, but I'm not sure if that's reflected in the audience interest. It so resists any kind of modern updating. But whatever, Mary says they nailed it, and Nigel and Adam rave about it too. Ooh, okay, there's a bit of Jessalyn Gilsig in Tiffany's face, maybe that will help me remember her. Couldn't hurt.
Chehon and Witney: Bollywood (Nakul Dev Mahajan)
God, how perfect is Chehon for Bollywood anyway? He just has the posture for it. No worries like last week about Witney outshining him -- if anything, this week he's the dominant dancer. But really, they both nail it, delivering a routine that's fast, precise, and a lot of fun. Adam notes that this was the first time he saw joy on Chehon's face in the competition. Nigel mentions a style I have neither heard of nor he explains very well, but Witney says she watched a lot of it on YouTube to prepare. I love that kind of a tidbit, because you expect that the dancers might do something like that, but their off-stage lives are usually kept out of the show.
After reading off Chehon and Witney's numbers, Cat calls everybody back to the stage. Time to reveal which three girls and three guys got the lowest votes last week. The great thing about having no results show is that there's no time to turn this into some kind of long, drawn-out procedure. The terrible thing about having no results show is that there's no time to turn this into some kind of long, drawn-out procedure. I made fun of the padding and bloat in results shows as much as anyone, but I never really noticed how Cat's dramatic pauses and two-by-two whittling down gave the dancers time to mentally prepare for their fate. Not so this time: Cat calls out Janaya, Alexa, and Witney from the girls, and Nick, Daniel, and Chehon from the boys. Those are your bottom six, of whom four will be leaving. Frankly, I'm stunned. Not that these guys were so fantastic last week -- with the exception of Nick, they all factored into my least favorite dances last week -- but because Alexa, Witney, Daniel, and Chehon had SO MUCH screen time in the early goings this season. It usually takes weeks for the less-heralded dancers to catch up with that kind of a head start. I can see the fans not being moved by Alexa and Daniel's rather cold partnership, but Witney and Chehon? I swear I'm not trying to self-promote, but I REALLY think the fact that fans would have a hard time remembering how to spell their names when it comes time to text is a huge factor. I just can't imagine Witney got fewer votes than Lindsay, or that Chehon fell lower than Brandon. NO "H" IN WITNEY, KIDS! WRITE IT DOWN! C-H-E-H-O-N! Come up with a mnemonic device, I don't know! Don't let these two fall through the cracks like this -- they're too good.
Nigel announces that after deliberation, the judges have decided that they do NOT need to see these six dance again. So no solos, which I'm finding to be more of a bummer than I'd expected. (Also: please don't pretend that this was anything but a time concern, Nigel.)
Before the awful judgment is rained down on four of the six, we get an extended preview for Step Up: Revolution. I'm more forgiving of this crass commercialism in this context because a) so many SYTYCD alumni are in the movie, it feels more like a high school reunion than anything else, and b) the Step Up movies are awesome and deserve all the promotion they can get. Cat is adorable in reacting to both the footage from the movie and the group routine that follows. She's so proud of her babies! We see Twitch, Tony Bellisimo (remember him? No, you don't), Philip Chbeeb, and especially Kathryn McCormick, who nabbed the female lead in the movie. I STILL say Lauren Gottlieb should have starred in one of those movies by now, but I adore Kathryn so good for her. (The less said about Adam's attempt to dance along with the routine from the judges' table, the better, frankly.)
After the final break, we see the six at-risk dancers, and the looks on their faces. Nick and Janaya look utterly resigned to their fate (if the judges can only save one boy and one girl, they know full well they're too low on that totem pole). Alexa looks shattered; the system has finally broken her. Daniel, as always, looks inscrutable, which is kind of the whole problem with him. Nigel takes forever and a day to talk about how the judges and America combine to make this decision. And while I do find it interesting that Nigel and Mary can use this week-long lead time to deliberate with the choreographers as well as their third judge to come to their decision, I don't need Nigel to explain the semantics between "voting someone off" and America voting FOR their favorites. We get it, Nigel. Nobody hates the dancers about to go home; it's an uncommonly strong Top 20. Get to it, so we can all have a good cry.
Nigel announces that the girl they're saving is: Witney. Not a surprise. NO "H," AMERICA! GET IT RIGHT. For the guys, I'm slightly less sure whether they'll keep Daniel or Chehon, but I am relieved when Nigel saves Chehon. C-H-E-H-O-N! Make it happen! The biggest tragedy of this cramped running time is that we get no goodbye video package for the eliminated dancers. Let's hope that the weeks with fewer dancers and less need to promote feature-film efforts will allow those videos to return because how else am I going to fully get my emotions out?? We don't even have time to watch the dancers crowd around their friends and hug and cry! Time is so fleeting...
RUNDOWN! (as always, in order of my preference)
Amelia and Will's contemporary
Audrey and Will's jazz
Chehon and Witney's Bollywood
George and Tiffany's foxtrot
Brandon and Janaya's Broadway
Dareian and Janelle's hip-hop
Alexa and Daniel's contemporary (out of competition)
Amber and Nick's tango
Cyrus and Eliana's jive
Lindsay and Cole's hip-hop
Joe R thinks dentistry and hip-hop should not mix. Questions, comments, and unadulterated love can be sent to him at joseph.reid21@gmail.com.