It's dancin' time! Or ... well, apparently it's montage time, actually. Did you know that these dancers have families and hopes and dreams? Well, they do. And after the opening credits, they also have the now-traditional Unbalanced Gender Introductory Dance. Yes, all five of them. Wait, five? Oh, for the love of -- okay, who's injured this time?
Before we find out, Cat brags about this being the 150th episode of So You Think You Can Dance. And then she dissolves into giggles while introducing the four judges. We fill up some time with irrelevant vamping and posing by the judges, which no one at all cares about. And the surprise fourth judge is Kenny Ortega, the evil puppetmaster behind the High School Musical movies and Michael Jackson's This Is It. He also choreographed a lot of the 1980s: Dirty Dancing, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Newsies ... you've seen Newsies, right? Any tiny amount of excitement that would be generated by a guest judge is immediately destroyed by the news that Billy Bell will not be performing tonight.
Here's the Billy Situation. He hurt his knee and a couple of doctors pronounced him okay to dance. But Billy doesn't want to take the chance, so he's sitting in the audience with a sad face. As everyone knows by now, that means he's automatically in the bottom three this week and so on and so forth. Nigel segues smoothly out of the bad news to brag about their costume designer winning an Emmy. Oh, and Alex is in the audience too, and he seems to be in pretty good spirits. Nigel has a strained joke about combining this show with Survivor. I guess he has to try to make jokes because this season is just getting gutted.
Lauren and Twitch? I like the sound of that! Tabitha and Napoleon babbling about a Wild West routine? Well ... we'll see. Napoleon tries to get Lauren to act "bad" by quoting a Michael Jackson song. Then when the routine starts, they're dressed in tattered jeans and jackets and don't look particularly Old West. Lauren does a crazy-looking roll across the floor that, according to the rehearsal footage, is supposed to be reminiscent of a tumbleweed. It's not, but it does look cool. Most of the dance is kind of slow and silly. It ends with Lauren riding Twitch like a horsey, and Cat recommends a whip and some spurs. Adam is theatrically -- let's just say he's theatrically theatrical. He liked it, I guess. Then Mia makes herself and the other judges laugh by going "giddy-up, giddy-up". I can only hope Kenny Ortega has been brought in to talk sense, because we don't need another catchphrase machine. So what does Kenny have to say? First, he loves the show. Second, he loves the other judges. Third, he loves the show. Fourth, "Save a horse; ride a cowboy". Oh, lordy. The closest he comes to a critique is "funky, sexy, I loved the choreography." Nigel points out that Twitch is dripping with sweat, which is true. So how come Lauren looks so together? That's weird! Nigel also works in "bucc". Cat gives Twitch a horse-nicker as he leaves, then gives a wink to someone offstage. I'm going to pretend it was Adam, and that he and Cat have been talking about weirdo sex practices. This is how fanfic happens.
Jose has Allison, who I've really started to like this season. Probably because I didn't know her at all coming into the season. They've got Sonya, which: Yay! She says that dancing on the edge of the stage represents taking chances, and emphasizes to the dancers that they love each other. I've never noticed the "Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind Theme Song" before, but it's perfect for this sort of number. Sonya wasn't kidding about dancing on the edge of the stage; for most of the number, at least one of Jose and Allison is either sitting on the edge with their feet dangling off or pretending to be about to fall. It's unusual, is what it is. It even has a bit of action on the floor in front of the stage, but not to get in the judges' faces. As usual, Sonya is delighted to see her choreography danced so well. I continue to think Sonya is awesome. Adam can't critique the dancing, because it was so weird, so he compliments Jose's presence. I understand him this time. Mia liked the use of the edge of the stage, but calls the dance "pedestrian contemporary" rather than "professional contemporary". She feels that Sonya was wise to give Jose a dance filled with ordinary human gestures but would like to see more growth from Jose. Great critique, actually. Kenny loves Sonya, Sonya's use of the space, Allison, the all-stars, and the all-star format before telling Jose that he earned Allison's trust. Nigel liked Jose's commitment. He also works in a little "straighten your toes"-style commentary.
Robert. Lauren Gottlieb. A lot of "booty" talk. Tyce. Jazz. Tyce says that there's no story; they just have to seduce each other. And they're doing it to "Wasted Time" by My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult, which takes me back to my youth. There's a spot where Robert licks Lauren's leg. And another spot where they walk while leaning way back like the "Keep on Truckin'" guy. I have no idea what kind of picture of the dance that paints in your mind. It was okay. I didn't mind it. Adam says the dancers were smokin', but he doesn't say it in a Jim Carrey way. He heaps praise on Robert, although he wants Robert to do something more interesting with his hands when they're not being specifically choreographed for. Mia finds it refreshing to see a dance that's not loaded up with a story, and I think we can all get behind that. She complains about Robert jerking his head when he jumps. This round of judging is much better. Kenny loves Tyce, Lauren, Robert's bottom, the liquid movement, and the turmoil in the piece. Nigel mostly agrees with the other judges and then pervs on Lauren.
AdéChiké's mother is proud of him. And she calls him Adé, if you were wondering if we need the full version of his name every time. He comes out for a solo that's choreographed and lasts longer than the results-show solos. It still doesn't last for a whole song or anything because there's no point getting silly.
Kent makes a big deal about not showing the camera that he drew Kathryn for a Sonya jazz number. Double Sonya! Her goal is for Kent to embrace his awesomeness. Kathryn says that they're rehearsing at 8 AM, and the sun outside the window backs her up on that. Apparently Sonya has energy. And so, in the routine, do Kent and Kathryn. The bounce around and stop where they're supposed to, and it looks pretty good to me. The audience shrieks its approval too. Adam shares an anecdote from Vegas that we didn't see on television, in which Kent gave a monologue about how including him on the show would make ratings go up. Mia, for some reason, steeples her fingers like an evil overlord as she criticizes Kent's goofy facial expressions. She admits that the dancing was great. Kenny loves the choreography, Gidget movies, Kent, Tyce's number with Kent, and Gene Kelly. Nigel thinks Kent might have outdanced his all-star this week and last week (when he had Neil). Sonya is standing up waving and then sits down and looks embarrassed when she notices she's on camera. Nigel promptly compliments Sonya on bother of her dances tonight.
Robert's parents also seem fond of him. His solo is very nice, especially if you like seeing people spin around. I'm assuming you do. Oh, and it's Robert's twentieth birthday today! Happy birthday, Robert.
Lauren has impressed her mother with her maturity, which is demonstrated by a shot of her high-fiving a kindergarten. Her father is also pleased. Her solo is also spinny, but with a bit more smiles at the audience. It's not a completely fixed, plastic smile, though, so I'll allow it. I mean, it's possible she actually does enjoy dancing.
AdéChiké has Comfort and Tabitha and Napoleon. This is a dance about someone who knows she should leave but can't. There's an awesome slow-motion slap in the rehearsal footage. Cat reminds us that it's "lyrical hip-hop," as though the Alicia Keys song didn't give it away. There's an actual suitcase on stage and AdéChiké is keeping Comfort from packing. When people say that Tabitha and Napoleon have a tendency to get literal, this is the sort of thing they're talking about. Comfort and Adé aren't perfectly in sync. At the end, she takes her suitcase and walks off the stage. After slapping him. I don't know if I approve of the introduction of physical violence into this show's dance routines. Adé and Comfort look quite overcome when they're done. Adam found it more like watching a movie than like watching dance, and he means it in a good way. Adé's crying a little. Mia thought it felt very real and came from a raw place. She loved it. Kenny loves "the permission and the know-how that the choreographers give to the dancers" and thought it was like if Wesley Snipes could dance. You figure it out. Nigel points out that it's a little weird that a happy couple like Tabitha and Napoleon keeps turning out good dances about unhappy couples, then he complains about the song, which he learned to hate back when he was on American Idol and everyone sang it badly. He praises AdéChiké's honesty. I still didn't care for it. Sorry.
Jose! His proud mother is as proud as a mother can be! His father (Jose Ruiz II, which means, if you really want to take away the kid's street cred, he's presumably Jose Ruiz III) is a little surprised that what he assumed would be a hobby ended up being his son's life. Jose dances to actual James Brown, rather than one of the four million songs that samples him.
Kent! Parents in Wapokaneta! Solo! Whirl! Reach! Kick! Spin! A cappella Boyz II Men! Using every part of the stage, which is nice to see. That felt really short.
Oh! And now the dancers will be dancing with each other. Robert and Lauren will be dancing, and Lauren names the pairing "Bobfro". It's cute, but it's no Twitchington. They'll be doing a samba beach party by Dmitry Chaplin. I don't know about you, but I think "...and then they flirt!" isn't really a storyline for a dance. I mean, they're usually crawling all over each other no matter what dance it is. They start down on the floor and move up the steps to the stage. I like that sort of thing, which is why I miss the big steps on the old stage. It's a lot of fun, which I think is because I'm enjoying the song. Hang on, I'm going to go back and find out what it is. Ah. "Drummer Boy (SYTYCD Remix)" by Debi Nova. Do with that information what you will. I think it's peppy and fun. I'm not sure Lauren gets to the floor as smoothly as she's supposed to, but she does a good job slinking up Robert's leg. I might also have seen a spot where they had trouble getting their hands to connect, but it's generally a lot of fun. They seem to enjoy themselves. Adam praises the crispness of Robert's lines and his partner connection, along with Lauren's attractions and footwork. He wants to call her the girl to beat, but all the other girls left already anyway. Mia thought Robert really looked like a samba dancer. Sure. But she thought Lauren shouldn't be in plié so much. Kenny points out that Dmitry had to not only choreograph the piece but also train the dancers for it. That's a good point. He also praises Robert's partnering. Nigel liked seeing parents talk about how proud they are of their children. He also liked both dancers, although he tells Lauren he's "sure people will attack you" for some technical deficiencies.
AdéChiké will now be dancing with Jose, with whom he has apparently "been cool since Vegas". Their name is "the East Coast Overdose". They've got a two-man Paso Doble by Dmitry Chaplin and his assistant ... Legacy?! Good for Legacy! Seriously, I love seeing that he's continuing to stretch in his career. There is some talk about how this will have two matadors, which is not the usual Paso lineup. Here it comes! And it is shirtless times two! There's a lot of cape twirling, which makes this feel more like rhythmic gymnastics. But I'll overlook it because at least we're not using "O Fortuna" this time. Look, this is just a big, sweaty shirtless pose-off. At one point it gets a little Pro Wrestling-y, but not enough to be really funny. It's crowd-pleasing, though. Adam loved how committed they both were, although he wanted more abandon from AdéChiké. Mia thought it was aesthetically very pleasing to look at, but could have used a little more poise to fill up the space around the choreography. More posing, in other words. Kenny thought it was a valiant effort. Nigel: "I agree with my diplomatic colleagues." Although he goes into more detail, saying that professional ballroom dancers, especially those from Spain, attack the moves more and show passion "that isn't just pulling a face". It's about the carriage, apparently. There's something about the cape-waving that just wasn't there. He does say that he loves that they're getting guys to dance together this year, and I'm just going to let that one go.
No, hang on. I'm not going to let it go. Nigel famously freaked out when there was a male-male ballroom couple in the auditions a couple seasons ago and had to be smacked around until he apologized. He's had plenty of opportunity to have guys dancing with guys, and when it's happened, it's usually been things like a hip-hop number (where both dancers are facing the audience and dancing in unison) or Russian (where it's just a challenge to see who can leap the highest). I don't think Nigel has been sitting at home between seasons wondering how he could get some two-man dancing on the show. In fact, I think if we had something approaching an even split between men and women, we wouldn't be seeing it this season either. Nigel hasn't earned my trust on this issue.
Right. Let's move on. Kent will be dancing with someone who isn't Billy. That's a shame, if only because they're so physically similar that it would presumably look really cool. They've got Stepping with Chuck Maldonado. Stepping looks a little like the hambone, and might be what they were doing in Stomp the Yard. Wikipedia backs me up on that. So there. Billy's hurt, so Twitch got dragooned into this. Here we go! Uh oh. We can't really hear the slaps and claps. That's a problem. Kent is trying really hard. We can't hear the stomps either. Man, what's the point if you can't hear it? This part where the dancers are grabbing their crotches is cute with Kent, but it would have twice as cute with Kent and Billy being the ones to do it. Well, let's see how it came across in person, since I don't think it was miked right for television. Adam does the usual praise for new dance forms. He says Kent killed it. Mia had no idea Kent had it in him and runs off a bunch of random adjectives which all have to be translated a couple of times before they make any sense. Then she says Kent is the one to beat. Look, at this point anyone who can make it to the finale without an injury is the one to beat. Kenny tells us that twelve years ago, he and Chuck Maldonado brought Stepping to the Olympic ceremonies. Nigel contradicts the storyline that it's the first time Stepping has been on the show, since he feels his "Five Guys Named Moe" routine qualified. Because Chuck helped on that routine. He says that he's tried for years to get Stepping on the show, and he sounds reasonably sincere about that. And how about a little praise for Twitch being able to step in at the last second? Because that was really good. Nigel, like me, is sad that we didn't get to see Kent and Billy together.
Going out, there's a 150th-episode cake! And Twitch and AdéChiké have an impromptu Paso Doble-style pose-off. See you tomorrow when we find out how injured Billy really is.
Monty's daily blog is Mysterious Exhortations. You can email Monty at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.
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