Hmm. The stage is covered in white smoke, and the dancers are in loose-fitting white clothes. The music is Sting. There's someone standing on a platform with angel wings, not dancing. It should really be Alex, but it's not. It's all very contemporary, and I'm going to guess that it's by Mia. And I'm right! Hooray for me. And congratulations to Mia for her Emmy nominations, although I'm starting to think I like her better as a choreographer than a judge.
Also receiving shout-outs: Adam Shankman, whose Oscar telecast got twelve Emmy nominations (I didn't know there were that many categories for it to be nominated in!) including choreography, which he's particularly pleased by. Stacey Tookey and Mia also got nominated for choreography on this show, and Chelsie got nominated for Dancing With the Stars. It's nice to see Nigel remembers his show's alums. Oh, and there was a makeup nomination for So You Think You Can Dance itself. And Nigel is also happy about Glee. I think that covers it.
Nigel is also pleased that his National Dance Day has picked up a congressperson: Eleanor Holmes Norton, who you might remember from her appearances on the Colbert Report. And then there's something that tries to combine the words "congress," "flash mob" and "Malcolm X". My brain kind of shut down at that collision, so you'll have to Google it yourself.
Okay, enough self-congratulation. Billy and Lauren come out hand-in-hand to get the news. I don't normally recap the rerun content, but I'm going to repeat that I actually do like the song "Macavity." Now here's some real news: Billy is in the bottom two. Billy Actual Bell! Cat goes to Adam for comment, but first Adam has to acknowledge the guy who produced the Oscars with him. Then he speculates that maybe people don't like Cats. He also practically promises Billy that there's no way he's going home. Cat sends him offstage, and he seems like he's in a pretty good mood. Lauren is still on stage, and you'd think she'd be safe, right? I mean, it would be weird to just bring out the first two dancers and tell them they're in the bottom two. Yeah, she's safe.
Cat has some news relating to American Idol, which I consider to be Not My Problem. Then she brings out all five remaining contestants. Kent had a pretty good night and is safe. Jose generated a lot of silly nonsense from the judges about "accepting the challenge" and "having a heart that grabs the audience" and is also safe. Robert may or may not have messed up a flip, but he's safe. That leaves Ashley and AdéChiké. A time-filling commercial goes here, so I'm going to start a new paragraph.
As you remember, AdéChiké did Bollywood and showed too much personality or made it too "African" or something. And Cat smacked Mia down, which was great. He got enough votes to stay out of the bottom two, which causes a weirdly cut-off shriek. Ashley's in the bottom two, and Mia tells her she shouldn't be there. Then Mia apologizes to AdéChiké for being harsh and insensitive, because she thinks of herself as a teacher who gets frustrated when someone she believes in doesn't soar. She calls herself "Tough Love Mama Mia". Nice to get some closure on that, although I still think she's got a double standard for Jose.
So while Billy and Ashley go off to prepare for their solos, we get a package about Anya and Pasha, who are universally beloved. And they've never partnered since their first audition? That's dumb. So here they are, kicking ass and taking names! They're both awesome, and this is probably the best use of the "All-Star" concept. Just bring someone on for the Results show and let them show how great they are. Also, it seems like a waste not to have let Pasha and Anya do this back when they were contestants, because Cat is right when she calls the dance (and them) gorgeous.
Now, a guest performance from the cast of In the Heights. Well, at least it's an actual Broadway show and not a random singer. It's an interesting song with several interlocking melodies all being sung at once, but it's not really about dancing. So it's basically irrelevant. The choreography is by Andy Blankenbuehler, so there's a bit of a tie-in.
Solo time! Billy is a whirling, dancing force of nature. I guess you have to start fast when you have like 20 seconds to dance. Ashley does some very nice pirouettes and her time also feels like it ends way too soon. If only we had more time for them to dance! But of course we do not, because we need to squeeze in a famous singer of whom I've never heard.
Okay, this is Natasha Bedingfield. She doesn't have a big production with her; she just sings (well, she might be singing) while all-stars dance behind her. It's okay, I guess. Ms. Bedingfield has kind of a Lita Ford quality to her voice when she wants to. Sadly, she doesn't often want to.
It's decision time, and Alex is on stage in crutches. Nigel announces that the judges are unanimous. But first, the results of Alex's MRI. It's a lacerated Achilles tendon, which means the tendon has detached itself from the bone. What the hell, Alex's tendon? Staying attached to the bone is basically your only job! Nigel assures us that it's an easy operation (happening on Tuesday), but Alex will have to follow that by three months of rest. He's obviously invited back year, but this means he's out. And Billy and Ashley both get to stay, which I guess is good news.
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Alex is sad. I think he's allowed a few tears here. Mia is also sad, telling him he's "beyond special as an artist and a human being," and Adam calls him an inspiration. Cat rushes the judges a little so they can get to Alex's montage. If it were me, I'd just play that entire awesome hip hop dance from last week. Cat has to ask him how he feels, and he says all the things you'd expect about loving everybody and appreciating the chance. All the rest of the dancers are crying. Adam looks like he's been shot.
Postgame: Hey, wait a minute! What did Nigel mean, "The judges are unanimous"? Was there a chance that Mia was going to vote to eliminate Billy and keep Alex around? And do you think there's any way all the dancers didn't know the results of Alex's MRI as soon as he did? He's going in for surgery week. This whole episode was a sham!
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Monty's daily blog is Mysterious Exhortations. You can email Monty at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.
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