Only eight couples remain! But we're still spending two hours each week with the couples, so unless we've eliminated enough dancers that they can all dance twice, this is when the extra padding starts to become very apparent.
Cat shimmies and shakes her way through the dancers on the stage, looking lovely, as ever, in an orange Roman-looking dress. She dials down her chipperness factor to nine from ten long enough to shed some tears for losing Max and Ashley last week. "I hate Thursdays!" she chirps, but then it's back to the task at hand. She introduces the judges, and joining Mary and Nigel this week is Toni Basil, who looks like she's in a hostage video, staring frightened at the screen. Cat notes that Toni's about to win some major award, and then you find out that it's a hip-hop "living legend" award, and Toni says she's humbled to join the ranks of "Boogaloo Sam" and MC Hammer, and her "partner in crime" Don "Campbell Lock" Campbell, who created the Campbell Lock, and then she blah-blahs on forever about all the important work they did to make everyone know how awesome street dancing is. Or something.
Cat asks Mary how the season is going so far, and Mary, as required by her contract, says this season is the most awesome so far and is actually curing cancer, provided the patients exposed to the show aren't too far along. Nigel says they're still seeing dancers evolve, and the dancers are learning to do other things, which is still difficult for them. "And exciting for us!" chirps Cat, because Nigel is just being a dour old grouch.
The first couple up this evening is Karla and Jonathan, and this week's time-waster is finding out what the dancers would be doing if they weren't dancers. Karla says she'd be a journalist, because she majored in it at NYU, and Jonathan says he'd be an acrobat for Cirque du Soleil, which I think is close enough to dancing that it shouldn't be allowed as an answer. He needs to say something like "chief Big Mac inspector" or something. "I could totally see him in the circus!" says Karla, and thanks to the footage of her, I could totally see her writing things down on yellow pads. And despite this being the show's fifth season, and presumably Karla has watched this show and enjoyed it before now, she's amazed that people voted for them, that people watch this and enjoy it.
They're doing a Dave Scott hip-hop routine, and Karla wanted to give him a hug and instead Dave gave her a hat instead, because he's all about getting down to business. And the business this week is his version of a love story, which is like every other choreographer's routine. This one involves Bonnie and Clyde stuff. And Karla's got that "swagger" that Dave is looking for, which is nice for her. "Dave wants us to bring out my inner gangster, and I don't know where I'm going to get it from," says Jonathan, saying he's going to have to "buy it." Even Karla is all, "Yeah, he's not exactly gangster." Meanwhile, she's iced all kinds of bitches. The hats are part of the routine, and there's a section where Jonathan has to grab her hat, and it's gotta be really smooth, or it's not going to look very gangsta, we're told. I do admit that on the streets of New York, gangsters are very good and smoothly grabbing their fellow gang members' hats as they dance around, so I can see why they need to nail that.
So the two of them come flying out all "Smooth Criminal" on us, pretending like they're on the run from the cops, and, having eluded five-oh, are going to take some time to get their groove on to some fat beats, as you do. And then the dancing begins, with some heavy stomping and finger-interlocked popping and shoulder-shrugging and nodding and hat-brim-snapping. Jonathan pops Karla's hat off her head and slides it down her back and butt and back on then they lock back in sync. They lose a little energy midway through but pick it up after Jonathan pulls his hat off and slides it across the floor, before cartwheeling and flipping over it and then picking it up and putting it back on, in one fluid motion. He crouches down and she rolls over his back. Then some strobe lights come on and they sit on the stage and play with their hats, and then get back up, get very close and pop to the music.
Nigel's not exactly climbing the walls. He asks Dave if would be smooth hip-hop, and Dave waggles his fingers all "kinda" which probably means "no, you poncey git," and Nigel talks about all the energy being ironed out of it. "There was no danger in it." He asks Jonathan if he felt comfortable in the routine, and Jonathan says he did today, so Nigel says he can't forgive him then for not being at all connected to his partner. And he goes off on how they need to get all the little things right, like nodding, and putting on their hats, and the longer he goes on the more you'd be forgiven if there'd never been a slower, more boring routine ever performed on this show. "For me, instead of gangster, that was a bit like a Sunday school picnic outing," he says, and then doing his "I'll bravely challenge the booers" routine. He also predicts they'll be in the bottom three. "And you're too good to be! I don't want you to be!" he says, and then he makes fun of dancers winding up in the bottom three every week and pleading with Nigel to keep them for another week. "Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," says a slightly shocked-sounding Cat. Love her.
And then Mary jokes about being in touch with her "inner gangster," and then takes about ten minutes to say that they didn't nail it. It's a small setback, she says, and hopes they'll get another chance to prove themselves.
Then Toni "Living Legend" Basil says that hip-hop draws on "millenniums" of dance styles, but mostly street, and who knows where she's going with this, and she says they've gotta have the funk, and they've gotta have the hard-hit, and they've gotta be together.
up: Asuka says she'd be making "lots of jewelry" if she weren't dancing to sell to all the ballroom people out there. Vitolio says he'd be the lead singer in a band, because he likes people screaming at him. We watch footage of him in a Lenny Kravitz afro week, scaring the hell out of Asuka.
This week, they're doing a Mandy Moore jazz routine, and she scares the hell out of me when she says she's going to call it "thrash rocker jazz." That sounds dreadful! Vitolio says it's really fast, and the counts are really weird. Asuka says she's really out of her element but was telling herself to stay calm. Not so successful, says Vitolio, who says she was a little overwhelmed. Asuka admits to not getting the steps as quickly as she wanted.
And then the most ridiculous thing happens. In rehearsal, Asuka says she thinks she's slow, and Mandy agrees with her, and then the screen goes black and then a crying Asuka is being consoled by Vitolio. Judging from her reaction, I'd have to guess that Mandy just murdered Asuka's mom. She cries that she's worried about disappointing him, and Vitolio soothingly says that if they work together as a couple, then it'll be there. Asuka says if he sees her crying, he won't leave her alone. That sounds annoying.
And then they come out dancing to Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker," because who thrashes more than Pat Benatar? Well, possibly Toni Basil, but that's it. Anyway, the routine is rather underwhelming for me. One of those routines where the dancers stand around a whole lot waving their arms and lifting legs. And then Vitolio lifts Asuka up and twirls her around. And now they are running, probably fleeing from the "love taker." I think there are some leaps that were supposed to synchronized, but turned out not to be. Vitolio lifts up an upside-down Asuka, who does a leg-lifted split, and then there is more fist-pumping to the crashing of the cymbals, and then a decent overhead lift of a spread-eagled Asuka, her hands on Vitolio's shoulders for balance, and then he catches her in his arms and flips her upside-down for the finish.
"I can't believe that these are the same cutie-pies who were in that clip," says Cat, calling Vitolio a "softie." He says she's a sweetie and he just had to be there for her, earning a round of "awwwws" from the audience. Nigel says that's the difference between the real person (a softie) and the performer (a strong caveman, apparently, judging from Nigel's yelling). He yells that it was fantastic. And then he starts throwing gang signs! Cat asks Mary if she agrees with Nigel or if she's going to rain on the parade, and so Mary stares at Nigel for a minute and he pretends to hypnotizes her and she screeches that he put a whammy on her, and good GOD get to the point! She thought it was pretty good, but not great, and points to the lack of synchronization, and then I think she says some things about how they have potential to be great. And then Toni says they could develop into an extremely powerful couple, citing the way he was caressing her in the video, and holding her after the performance, and then people in the audience are screaming, because of course it's always better if the people dancing together are going to fall in love, right? "Don't let your technique get in the way of your emotions," she advises, and talks about the electricity they have and they need to "brave it up," whatever that means, and Cat calls her a "rock and roll princess," because she had one hit back during the Depression.
up, we find out that Melissa would have been a fishwife or perhaps a maid for the village blacksmith had she not been a dancer. Ade says Melissa's career choice fits her perfectly, and then says he would have been a sound engineer, presumably as long as he's allowed to wear his afro pick jutting out of his hair at distracting angles.
They're going to be doing the rumba with Tony Meredith, who says it requires a lot of sensuality. He says ballroom dancing requires specific technique, combined with "selling the emotion." He tells us that Melissa and Ade "need to work on everything." Melissa says they're a little overwhelmed with what they have to do, but it will come together.
They're dancing to Destiny's Child, and Melissa smoulders across the stage, in a sparkly gold dress/bikini combo that shows off one entire leg. She looks like an X-Man, maybe one with the power to harness nature through dance. Ade is in a suit with a popped collar. They strut their way across the stage towards each other, press their backs against each other. Melissa slides her hands down Ade's legs and then they spin away from each other. He twirls her around, and then she puts her arms out in a T and falls to the side. He catches her and slides her, stiff-legged, back in the other direction. Yeah, they've got the sensuality down. Melissa lifts her leg so that she's like a clock set to six o'clock, and then I think she actually turns her body inside out to twist around. She IS an X-Man!
Cat asks the audience if it feels like they're interrupting anything, and then calls Melissa a goddess in her dress. Nigel also praises every square inch of skin and leg on her body, saying it all shows in her back, and her carriage is magnificent. He also says Ade was fantastic. "What a difference a day (Ade!) makes!" he says, and everyone groans. "You give your partner something to undulate against," he says, praising Tony Meredith for doing fantastic work in a short period of time.
Mary mentions Tony talking about "selling the emotion," and then screams that whatever they're selling, she's buying. "It was so believable and so in tune." She says Ade just grooved through the whole thing, and praised his partnering skills. Then she screams something about wanting to have sex with Ade, or something. Toni decides that Mary and Nigel have said enough about the dancers and just starts talking about how hot Tony and Meredith are, which unfortunately starts Mary screaming again.
How about Janette and Brandon? Brandon says he'd be a lighting and design person because he loves sets, and making them all sparkly. Janette says she'd definitely be a loan processor in a bank, because she's a year away from her finance degree. She says it's not the "funnest" job in the world, but she enjoys it. And Brandon makes fun of her banking aspirations. I realize the "Making Things Sparkly" section of the Want Ads features plenty of jobs, Brandon, but not everyone has an aptitude for that.
So they're doing a Dave Scott hip-hop routine, which he says will be like rock and roll meets hip-hop. So ... "Walk This Way," then? Brandon explains that Janette is a cocky rock star, while he's a hip-hopper who wants to be a rock star. And then they fuse it together, or whatever. Janette says Brandon surprised her with his popping and locking skills.
So they're dancing to Common. OK, I'll allow it. There is a throne on stage. Janette looks like a groupie from a Mötley Crüe video from about twenty-six years ago, and Brandon has on a baseball cap. Janette sits on the throne and acts dismissive as Brandon whirls around and tries to endear himself to Janette, who sneers and aggressively thrusts her pelvis in various directions. Then she teaches him to throw the devil's horns, and how to play air guitar, and he hip-hops it up, and she starts doing his moves ... the synchronization is really good. This is a fun piece. They bang their heads, thump their chests, Brandon does a little bit of breakdancing, and in the end, Brandon winds up on the throne, with Janette still shouting at the devil.
Nigel says it's great to see the way choreographers get inspired by the dancers they have, and compares Brandon to 50 Cent (pronounced "fifty" cent) and CHER, and then he praises Brandon's hip-hop. "This is dancers coming totally out of their element, being put in another element, and working it."
Mary: "I THINK YOU GUYS REALLY HIT THAT. YES I DO!" She says Brandon really hit hard, and said Janette really nailed it too. "What a huge, huge surprise," she says, and then she screams, and the dancers do the spastic dance of people pretending to think it's awesome when she does that.
And then Toni goes on about how Dave Scott's juxtaposition of the two styles was really strategic, and then she starts talking about how hard it is to dance street, like the only time anyone calls it street dancing is when Toni Basil is on the show, and then Nigel interrupts her saying not much of anything to ask if Toni ever had a pair of tights like Janette's, which are these very carefully ripped holey tights and Toni says they didn't even have tights like that back then, so she had to rip holes in her herself (the correct answer is that she wore holes in them, being from the streets and everything) and since we really have to be moving on, Cat says, "Who cares, when you wear them this well," which was actually kind of rude to Nigel and Toni if you think about it.
up, Kayla and Kupono, dancing with each other for the first time. Kayla says outside of dancing, she'd love to model. Kupono agrees she's stunning. As for him, one of the things he love to do is costume design, and a lot of things he wears for the opening dances are his own creations.
They're doing a Viennese waltz with Jean-Marc Genereux. "Rehearsal was kind of a mess," says Kayla, and we watch the two of them struggle with lifts. Kupono sounds overwhelmed.
Kayla's lying on the stage, which is dark except for a grid of light squares, like moonlight shining through a window. Kupono sashays in to lift her up, and as "Sweet Dreams for You" picks up, you think, "Yeah, I can just imagine all the aristocrats in Austria dancing to Jewel." She hopes up from the floor into his arms, and they spin around the stage, around each other, in orbit. He twirls her around, and lifts her into a spin, and then another lift in which she kicks her legs over. And then they join arms and waltz across the stage, and she twirls, and then she winds up lowering him to the stage and falls into his arms.
Cat praises the gorgeous new couple, and says to Nigel that when a couple reaches into the hat and pull out Viennese waltz, they die a million deaths. Nigel disagrees, saying they're not doing a style that any dancer shouldn't be able to do, but a waltz is not a routine that's going to continually get rounds of applause, which is just kind of the way it is. He says the routine was beautiful and the dancing was beautiful, but it's just not the kind of thing that's going to make anybody stand up and cheer, so of course the nimwits in the audience stand up and cheer, which is what they should have done at the end of the routine without Nigel poking them. Way to prove him wrong, guys (and he admits that he is wrong), because they deserve to have people voting for him.
Then Mary screams at Jean-Marc that it wasn't a nightmare, referring to a comment he made when his "dream team" was having a tough go of it in rehearsal. She calls it elegant and flowing, and she calls it believable, which I think is a word she's used for every routine tonight. She says everyone should expect good lines from them, but praises the quality of the dance. And then thank god; she never screams for the Viennese waltz, but in this case she needs to put them on the hot tamale train, and so she lets loose with one her eardrum-puncturing wails. Toni's a little freaked out that Jean-Marc had his dancers barefoot for a Viennese waltz, which sounds a little pedantic for someone who's as street as Toni is. Anyway, she liked it a lot too, and has special praise for Kayla. "You do not let your technique get in the way of your reality on stage. You are always in the moment, you are always alive." She calls Kayla extraordinary, and makes a big deal over the dancers not having danced with each other before this week.
Evan and Randi are up . Randi says she's pursuing a career in elementary education. Evan says he thinks she'd be a good teacher. As for him, he'd probably have to own some sort of custom car shop. Randi can't believe that, despite telling us last week about what a gearhead Evan is, so whatever, Randi.
They're doing a Mia Michaels contemporary routine. Oh, god. "It's all about the booty," says Mia Michaels. I SWEAR TO GOD SHE SAID THAT. So I don't know how much rehearsal antics I can take from Mia, so let's go straight to the performance. Oh, except Mia says Randi is like a poodle: "Sexy, sassy and sophisticated." Yes, when I see a poodle, I think sexy.
Anyway, they're dancing to "Koop Island Blues." And, yeah, when the routine is advertised as Evan being hypnotized by Randi's butt, that's pretty much what we get. Evan staring at Randi's ass, bobbing his head in time with her shaking it, somersaulting to keep up with her so he can keep staring at it. In between, there are some slow, languid caresses, and some loose-limbed arm shaking it. And then he spanks her, and then she lifts her leg over his head. Then they flit about all ragdoll on the stage, and it ends with him grabbing her ass. Yeah, what? Actually, for all that, it was a pretty good dance.
Cat calls it cheeky. Nigel calls it very simple choreography from Mia, but they danced it beautifully. If you're new to the show, you should know that you're not allowed to criticize Mia, or else she'll cut you. And he says "but -- and there is a but" a couple of times, and as annoying as a joke as that is, the least Mary could do is let him make it on his own and not step all over it. He says there was no story behind the dance, no doorway, no father in heaven. I guess Mia should have made up some story about her late father being hypnotized by her mom's ass or something. And then of course this gives Nigel license to talk about Randi's ass, and this is something that will be remembered, and blah blah blah. "These little things add to what this show is all about," he says. Oh, god, enough with the Mia Michaels tongue bath. Yes, she's America's greatest hero, Nigel.
Nigel mentioned the south of France in his comments, so then Mary has to talk some nonsense in a terrible French accent. Anyway, she loved it. And she screams things, and among the things that annoy me about Mary is the way she often screams "yes I do!" or "yes we did!" or "no, I wasn't!" after she says something, like, "We went down that path! Yes we did!"
And then Toni joins the Mia Mary for Mount Rushmore train, talking about how the choreography often becomes the star, so the dancers have to live up to it, and she is the choreographer's choreographer, and she is phenomenal, and you were phenomenal. Poor sweet Randi. She seems so nice and sweetly embarrassed by all the ass attention.
After the break, Caitlin says she thought about pursuing broadcast journalism. "She's a little nuts, so she'd be good on television," says Jason. And lest you think Caitlin wants to break any big stories, she seems pretty happy to be the anchor on the local news station who does stories about the television shows on that particular station. As for Jason, he says he'd be playing soccer, if not professionally, then for a university. "I think soccer players are hot," says Caitlin. Hear that, Pulitzer committee?
They're doing a paso doble with Jean-Marc Genereux and France. "We hate each other. That's what the dance is about," says Jason, who came into rehearsal wearing sneakers, prompting Jean-Marc to angrily throw him to the ground and rip the sneakers off. Caitlin said she had too short a skirt on, and Jean-Marc gave her a longer one, which I guess means he missed the memo from Nigel.
Oh, awesome! Mozarteum Orchestra Salzburg and Kurt Prestol! I just saw these guys on VH1 Storytellers! The dancers stand on opposite sides of the stage, and Caitlin jumps into Jason's arms, managing not to get entangled in his purple cape. They seem kind of choppy and rough, at least initially. Just hesitancy in a back flip, a little bit of quivering during an upside down split, that kind of thing. They seem to get into a groove. It might be the music, but this dance seems kind of aggressive. The music is like that one opera piece that shows up in melodramatic movie trailers and tongue-in-cheek beer commercials. They lock arms, twirl around, Jason spins her around the floor, and the whole thing ends with Caitlin on the floor, Jason straddling her and lifting her head to his forehead.
Nigel says at one point it seems like Jason was performing more to the audience then to his partner, and he wanted to feel more of the passion. "Just allow us in to see that sometimes," he says, although some of the things they were doing were exceptionally perfect. He says Caitlin's lines are beautiful, but he still would have liked to see more between the two of them.
Mary: "I JUST THINK HOW DIFFERENT FROM BOLLYWOOD TO PASO DOBLE, OH MY GOODNESS! THAT WAS REALLY A STRONG PERFORMANCE! YES IT WAS!" See? That's what I mean, the "yes it was!" at the end there. Then Mary says some more things but I'm almost through to the end so I'm skipping ahead, because I'm not interested in Mary screaming at me. P.S.: "It was fearless, yes it was," says Mary. Anyway, she loved it.
Toni enjoyed it, and makes her umpteenth comment about technique not getting in the way of performance. "It didn't get in your way, and that's really important," she says. She thought both of them did a great job, doing a dance that's not their style.
Final couple of the evening, Jeanine and Phillip. Phillip says he'd want to be an inventor, and he wants to create something that will help society. It's sweet, but instead of Phillip researching something on the computer, has he already invented anything? You know, before he tries to invent the World Peace Bomb? Jeanine would like to be an actress. She says she took up theatre to make friends in middle school, and she's acted in a couple of "independent films."
Tyce Diorio is teaching them a Broadway routine that seems to feature a couch. Jeanine says something about how she gets to merge acting and dancing with this routine, which she loves. Phillip is supposed to jump the couch, and there are several clips of him approaching it in a run and then chickening out, and finally we see him make it. Yay, that's great! It would have arguably been more awesome if this move were a secret until we actually watched it here.
Anyway, they're dancing to "Moses" from the Singin' In the Rain soundtrack. Well, they're not dancing yet. They're sitting on the couch, with the giant glasses that convey "nerd stereotype," and then eventually they decide to put down the So You Think You Can Dance book and get their dance on. Which means the glasses come off, because four-eyes can't dance! They hop on and off the couch, kick in sync, and Jeanine's on the couch when Phillip takes his running start and clears it easily, which would have been cooler if this were the first time we were seeing it. Then they embrace, and Jeanine kicks her legs up and Phillip swings her around, and then they are dancing about, waving their arms all Broadway style, and then they shake the stuffing out of the couch cushions, which made for a nice snowy effect, and then they collapse on the couch to end it. Cat comes over to join them on the couch before dragging them to their feet to face the judges. Phillip points out he ripped his pants. "Well, like so many Vaudeville dancers that went before Phillip, he now knows what it's like to dance with his ass hanging out of his trousers," says Nigel, and Cat makes Phillip turn around to show the rip along the inseam just below the rear, which prompts Mary to scream, and hold it. God, it's like she's ten years old. "Many of us had to do that, Phillip, trust me," says Nigel. He says they needed to bring so much personality to this routine. He thinks Jeanine did, but he needs Phillip to bring so much more. "As much as we love you, we're going to stop loving you when the voters continue voting for you but you're not coming up to the standard we expect from you." Yeah, stupid voters! Exercise their right (as mandated by the show) to determine who they like best! Overall, it was a fun routine, but he needs more from Phillip.
Mary screams something, and because Phillip and Jeanine look about to pass out from ingesting all the stuffing still hanging around on the stage, Mary jokes that she's allergic to down feathers. "But I wasn't allergic to that routine, no I wasn't. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" She says Phillip did better than she expected and she screams a bunch of stuff about Phillip jumping over the couch, and then screams that she liked Jeanine. "You were fabulous, yes you were!"
Toni thought it was adorable, but she doesn't think adorable is what they were going for, and need to take it to the Gene Kelly level. Then she rambles on about the luck of the draw when it comes to getting the routine and choreographer. "You just can't let those feathers upstage you. That's all I can say," she says. Well, thanks for getting all cryptic on us.
Cat makes them promise to "bring it" every week. They promise!