We're on the "freezing cold shores" of Lake Michigan, in Milwaukee, the final stop for auditions. Has there been a single episode that doesn't whine about how cold it got? At least there's snow in Wisconsin. And Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century. Isn't Milwaukee an Indian name? Yes, Cat, it is. In fact, it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que," which is Algonquin for "the good land."
But the words "final audition city" and "Milwaukee" make me re-check the schedule to make sure it actually is two hours tonight. Yep. That can only mean one thing: filler. Right off the top. Before we get to Milwaukee, we're going to see clips from earlier auditions they "didn't have time" to get to before. But first: a montage! You see, the dancers are having a "strange effect" on Nigel, which means he throws gang signs and says things like, "You off the leash, dog." And that about does it for wackiness overload for me.
In Washington, Michael Kim auditioned in Season 2 but got creamed in Vegas. He's gotten more training, because he didn't want to bring the same old shizznit. Herky-jerky hip-hop, almost interpretive. Incredible is one word. The judges watch him forever, and it's not enough. Nigel says Michael "hit it so hard" and is so far Nigel's favorite performing this type of dance. Mary calls him "extraordinary" and hopes he took ballroom, so he can survive doing other stuff. Dan Karaty says much the same thing, and then Michael gets a plane ticket, rare for a hip-hopper.
For some reason, Cat explains again that we're going to be getting to Milwaukee after some more odds and sods from auditions. Oh, and after we watch a montage of supportive families and friends. Someone is referred to as "gorgemous."
Roommates Katee and Natalie dance together and are auditioning separately. We see home footage of them working out together, tumbling and, some sort of guerilla leaning that forces the other to tighten her abs while she makes spaghetti. They have matching "onesies" too, for some reason. Katee's contemporary, with a perma-smile. As usual, I have to wait for the judges to tell me if she's any good. Nigel thought it was "delightful," and calls it "very flowing." Mary thinks she was terrific, and Mia loves her too, and the judges send her to Vegas. She hugs the judges, and then Cat, and then Cat sneaks her back into the theatre to watch roomie Natalie dance to some gloomy drum thing. I assume she is some sort of African sandpiper, searching for its lost soul. Well, if the last one was good, then so is she. Nigel then says she proved you don't have to have a big fake grin plastered on to perform (note: he didn't criticize Katee for having the big plastered grin). Mary "loved every minute of it," and calls her captivating to watch. Mia calls it "great (times four), unique and honest." Then Nigel points out Natalie's friend shouldn't go alone to Vegas, so they send her straight through too.
Back in Milwaukee, everyone's warming up, and -- oh, we're flashing back again, this time to some salsa in the D.C. auditions. Janette Manrara and Romulo Villaverde take the stage, with a special gam-cam closeup of Janette's legs. Nigel smiles, and they begin. They're good, and by "good" I mean "I couldn't do this." But it's some creativity that impresses: Janette leans over backward onto Romulo's legs, which he kicks up and around, and catches her falling body again. Nigel gives them extra-special applause, and calls them fantastic. "That's better than what David Beckham does with the football!" he says, and cautions that when they stopped doing the tricks, they screwed up some of the steps. Mary praises them again, but notes Romulo is a little "all over the place." Dan says, "Salsa's just sexy. I love it," and calls it the most entertaining thing he's seen so far today, which means nothing to us without knowing what else happened before them. They get sent through to choreography, and Janette comes out on stage first. Dan makes it sound like her audition ends here, and then sends her through to Vegas. Romulo, however, wasn't quite good enough. But apparently we're supposed to watch out for him year. He's going to show everybody!
Back to Milwaukee, the judges are in their seats, and the first dancer is taking the stage. Husband and wife hip-hop choreographers Napoleon and Tabitha, the new Milwaukee judges, have worked with Missy Elliott, Kanye West, and Christina Aguilera. So this isn't a step down, or anything. "Have we saved the best city for last?" Cat asks, not for the first time tonight. Nigel yells "in the house!" whilst having a stroke, it appears ... and we're going to commercial.
Bianca Revels kicks things off with some tap dancing, a type of dance that really doesn't do a whole lot for me. Her moonwalk, however ... well, I didn't think it was great, but generally it's either Michael or nothing as far as that goes. Nigel is impressed that she stayed on rhythm to a modern record. He thinks she was superb, Mary praises her, and so do Napoleon and Tabitha. And she's ... going straight through to Vegas? They don't want to see if she can do anything other than tap? Really?
James Davis is a ballet dancer with heroically bushy eyebrows. Hope they're manly enough for Nigel! He dances to Robert Palmer's "Simply Irrestible," does some Bruce Springsteen "Dancing in the Dark"-style dancing, some air-guitar-windmilling, and he throws in some Footloose and Saturday Night Fever, and inspires Nigel to do some drumming on the table. Mary's laughing her arse off, but eventually stops laughing to say it was just silly. Napoleon says it was more like the character in Footloose who Kevin Bacon taught to dance (but not well). James tries to good-naturedly cajole them into at least giving him a shot at choreography, but they pass.
up: Evan Kasprzak, doing some Broadway. It involves a brassy horn section and hat flipping, which to me mostly comes across like parody now, but I don't know anything, plus his multiple-spins at the end were well done. Nigel talks about how he encapsulated the '40s and '50s style of dancing, calls it tremendous. "This was effortless. You could tell that you were in completely in charge of everything you did," says Mary. Napoleon and Tabitha liked it as well, and he gets a ticket straight through.
Victor Campos has on some kind of Zorro outfit and doesn't dance so much as he moves like a minor-league baseball mascot trying to get the crowd to do the wave. "That was all about the conflict between individuality and society's pressures," he says, when asked to explain. "See, I told you!" Napoleon tells Nigel. Heh. Nigel asks to see Victor's face, and Victor snottily says no because Nigel didn't ask nicely enough. Nigel politely points out Victor could have just said "no" without being rude. Mary notes Victor calls his routine "silly pop" and says it's more like "crap style." Napoleon and Tabitha also shit on it, as nicely as they can. And Victor, having failed to draw any reaction other than boredom, now seems to try to pretend that he's earnest about his routine, and it's all bullshit. Outside, he says, "I was trying to convey that it's OK to go out and have fun, even though other people might not like you," he says. This leads into the Milwaukee "montage o' suck," featuring Travis France, who's all jumping splits (and not very good ones).
Kourtni Lind is there with her mom -- who is also her best friend (natch) and dance instructor. She dances a contemporary routine to Ani Difranco. (!) And not even an actual song, but one of her more poetic/spoken-word pieces that everyone skips over. "You're very interesting, aren't you?" says Nigel, before leeringly telling her she looks like Uma Thurman (very slightly). He compliments the way she choreographed every part of her body. Mary loved it too. So did Tabitha and Napoleon. Fortunately, Mia Michaels isn't here to give her a tongue bath as well. And she gets straight through to Vegas as well. Do the judges have somewhere to be tonight that they're hustling everyone straight through to Vegas?
Tom Kozal dances some contemporary, featuring a cool reverse push up and a reverse somersault, plus he looks like Richie Cunningham. But looking like pre-perma-ball-cap Ron Howard isn't enough these days. But he's got a hobby, apparently. "I raise earless goats," says Tom. Of course he does. The judges send him home, and Cat makes a groaner of a "kid" joke.
Ashley Henry desperately wants a ride on the "hot tamale" train. Are you thinking, "Oh, everyone says that"? Because if you are, she's got news for you! She actually means it! But her routine is just a bunch of crazy hopping around. Tabitha praises her charisma, but says she needs dance lessons. Ashley asks "Miss Mary" to give her a chance. Nigel says she's not good enough to get sent straight through, but he's willing to send her to choreography, if only just for the experience. Mary reluctantly agrees, saying she must be crazy. "You're not crazy, you're just feeling the vibe!" yells Ashley. If the vive is "endearing for now, but potentially migraine-inducing before long," then sure.
Susie Garcia is a high-school teacher. "I know that's hard to believe," she says, because she thinks she looks sixteen years old. I'd like to tell her that singlehandedly depleting the world's supply of purple eyeshadow does not make one look like a teenager. And point out that people who actually look younger than they are don't need to inform people of it, because people can see it for themselves. Short skirt, pink bra, black knee-high Converse. Oh, it's Avril Lavigne! Well, certainly she's no older than sixteen -- Oh, my word! She's not a student at all! She dances some...I want to say salsa? Nigel says there were parts of her routine that reminded him of Shakira, but only parts (not the parts you might be thinking of, because Susie's aren't "small and humble"). Mary says it was sexy, but not that good. Napoleon and Tabitha agree, because these two always seem to agree with each other, but that's true of all the judges all the time anyway. Nigel comes off the fence because he wants to ogle her some more and so sends her to choreography. "It's cold enough out there for me to need something hot, and you're hot."
Rebecca Hart tries not to sparkle as much as she did when she was on the show before, since it made her look like too much of a competition dancer. So she does her contemporary routine to a sad song (albeit with a huge grin on her face), and she's really good. Nigel says she's the best he's seen today, and Tabitha says she understands the earlier comments about being too competition-y. Mary remembers her from two weeks ago, and praises her for how much work she's done. They send her straight through to Vegas.
Brice Casimir is originally from Cameroon who dances at a retirement home for seniors, so I'm automatically going to like him. We get to see some footage of him hugging the old folks. He dances a hip-hop routine with a lot of robot stuff, but this is one of those odd auditions where Nigel goes off on someone for an odd reason -- in this case, Brice isn't looking at him enough. "Why am I wasting my time if you're not going to dance for me?" asks Nigel, who adds that Brice must learn to perform, because some of the stuff he did was fantastic, but he's got to be less insular. And as usual, Nigel sets the theme, with Mary agreeing with him. Napoleon thankfully speaks up in favour of sending him to choreography, and Mary and Nigel agree.
But, not surprisingly, he makes it no further. Ashley Henry is already laughing her ass off as she walks to the microphone. Anybody think she's going to Vegas? Nope. "I called in Muncie, Indiana, and I already got me two ballet classes, and I will see you year," she says, and heads off the stage. Nigel says, "I enjoyed watching your booty-shaking." He actually says those words! Susie gets faked out by Napoleon, who says it's sometimes possible to make a bad impression on the second time out. But not her! She's going to Vegas!
Day 2 in Milwaukee. Cooper Zamorano takes the stage with a contemporary/ballet routine that's really good. Nigel compares him to Travis Wall, and the other judges love him too, and he gets the ticket to Vegas. Yesenia Gomez auditioned last year. I remember her! She made it to Vegas but eventually got sent home. She's worked hard, though, lost fifty pounds, and she launches into an energetic hip-hop routine -- energetic until her knee gives out and she can't continue. She explains that she suffered a dance-related injury, and Nigel tells her she needs to get the injury sorted out. Nigel offers to critique her anyway, and she starts to cry, knowing she's not going to be sent through, and I have to admit I got kind of misty-eyed too. She launches into a story about how getting a chance last year turned her life around, and she's been working hard, getting on the treadmill, etc. My tears dry up and my eyes start rolling as she feeds off the applause and begins to ham it up, but she seems genuinely grateful to the judges, and promises that she will be up again on some stage, living her dream.
Philip Courter is Yesenia's friend and auditioned last year. Him I don't remember. He does a wicked backflip and fantastic robot, and what I can only describe as an inside-out frog hop. Before the judges can say anything, he starts talking about Yesenia and how he wouldn't be here without her, and they don't have a lot of money, just their friends and their dancing. He and Nigel reminisce about how last time they met, Nigel thought he was one-dimensional. Well, now he's three-dimensional. Nigel thought he was terrific, as do the rest of them, and they send all send him straight through to Vegas. Provided he can stop crying long enough to pick up the damn ticket. Outside, he hugs Yessie, who tells him he better "kill it" in Vegas.
Raymond Love dances with a partner (who isn't auditioning) but doesn't get too far into a listless routine before Nigel stops them and blasts Raymond for being completely emotionless, which is unacceptable for Nigel. After all, his partner is hot, so Raymond ought to look like he's barely able to keep from boning her, or something. "I want to feel that you give a shit about her!" Raymond takes his socks off, so you know it's on. Only even I can tell he's only marginally more engaged. The routine is pretty good (with a terrible lift), but Nigel's still not happy, except with the choreography. "You're a really good choreographer, young man. Now how are we going to get you to dance it better?" There's some arguing over the dance, which has to do with the Song of Solomon, and Raymond was going for sensual, not sexual, and he's a minister or whatever, and there's some mild gay panic when Nigel says Raymond could have been dancing with any old person up there. Like a guy. Raymond shakes his head quickly, and Nigel apologizes. Whew! That was close. Can't have dancing associated with homosexuality! In a rare instance of disagreement, Napolitha want to send him to choreography, while Mary doesn't. So Nigel's the tiebreaker. "I'm not going to see talent like you disappear easily," says Nigel, and sends him through, which I think was the right call.
Hao Hou is in a loincloth (and underwear, THANK GOD) dancing some kind of tribal routine. It's not anything close to being what this show is about, and Nigel politely wants to know why he dressed like that and danced like that. I was kind of hoping Hao would say it was the traditional dance and dress of his people. But his rationale is simply, "Go big or go home." That prompts some double-entendre tittering, as Tabitha points out Hao had to hold "his package" in place during some of the moves. Hao goes home, knowing that he's going to be on television not for dancing well, but for having a big schlong. There are worse fates.
The final contestant is Lizz Plott. She's an impossibly cute blonde dancing tap. She's really good, and really toned, which I imagine is necessary for a tap-dancer with an exposed midriff. "We keepin' it real?" Nigel asks for some reason. He says she was terrific. He loved everything about her. She says she was here last year, and did contemporary/hip hop, but she's a tap dancer and wants to represent tap. Mary calls her the best female tap dancer they've had on the show. Taboleon also loved her, and she's going through to Vegas.
After the choreography round, the judges don't feel they got enough out of Raymond, but encourage him to keep up the choreography.
For the final bit of filler, a mystery dancer arrives unannounced at the end of the first day in a raincoat and umbrella, dancing to "It's Raining Men." It takes the judges way too long to figure out that it's a guy dancing in a red outfit and blonde wig. But the dancing's too good to be somebody having a laugh. The song is the original version (I think) but the dance routine is pure Ginger Spice. She's "Danielle Chorizo." I think I know you, says Nigel, after "Danielle" steps to the microphone. "You -- you're not Ryan Seacrest, are you?" Actually, it's Travis Wall, we find out, anticlimactically, after he strides off the stage.
Milwaukee, you just got served.
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