Cat tells us that more than six and a half million votes were cast after last night's show, and it's the votes that are deciding who's eliminated, and not the judges' insane ramblings, although those might not have been her exact words.
"The Moment I Said It" by Imogen Heap is the number for the group dance. I…is that Prince? No, I guess that's not likely. Synchronized dancing in pairs, with leaps and twirls. The men jump off the stage, the women follow, and they all do sort of freaky moves using the edge of the stage of myself. Danny is the one who looks like Prince, and he gets a starring role. He's shirtless with a black "X" taped over where his heart would be. If someone had tried to describe this to me (and even done a better job than I'm capable of) I would have assumed I would hate it. And yet, I really enjoyed it. Such is the mystery of the dance! And as far from the Evanescence-as-ballet routine (choreographed by Mia Michaels) is Cat, who strolls out looking like Titania, Queen of the Fairies. She wants to know if the voters listened to the panel of "experts" -- cough -- when they voted.
Mia apologizes because she apparently wore a jacket with an upside-down emblem that offended Marines, and she falls all over herself apologizing. I have no difficulty at all believing that a dingbat hippie dance choreographer had no idea the chevrons were upside-down. I'm positive her mullet more egregiously offends more people. No, it's absolutely atrocious that she would wear something clearly intentionally mocking the troops fighting in countries where women don't even have the freedom to wear whatever the want, if you can believe that. But wait! There's more controversy! Apparently, Wade Robson's anti-war dance routine ruffled a few feathers. "I don't know anyone who's pro-war," says Nigel, rather reasonably, who seems a little surprised that he has to defend a routine in which dancers used words like love and unity. He's clearly been forced to apologize. He says they had no intention of offending anybody, and says he was bored by the routine the fifth time he saw it last night. Not like he said so last night, did he? Nigel patiently explains to whomever needs it explained that being "anti-war" does not, in fact, mean "hoping American troops die." This is so, so awesome. A dance show garners some sort of lame-ass "controversy" -- that's so not real that I have a really hard time finding anything at all written about it -- over a bunch of perky dancers flashing peace signs (an even-more-ineffective-than-usual war protest) that the show's producer is forced to apologize. "Art should be allowed to make statements," offers Nigel, somewhat futilely. Can we get a shot of Wade Robson? How does he feel about being thrown under the bus like this? Tellingly, Wade's not there. Nigel says Wade never intended to offend anyone, and he apologizes on Wade's behalf. I'm not sure I buy that. With the way Nigel and Mia are bending over backwards here, I'm sure Wade could have been there if he wanted. I can't believe I'm now defending the ridiculous dance routine, so I will say this: anyone who was at all actually offended by the admirable sentiments behind what that stupid routine stood for? Needs to be offended a fuck of a lot more often. Come to think of it, anyone who was offended by that probably does get offended by an awful lot. Gee, what network could this POSSIBLY be on?
Cat asks Mary if it's kind of nice now that the judges aren't in control. Mary says she's kind of scared that America might get it wrong now, which they by definition CAN'T, since by the rules this show has set down, this is a popularity contest. So whatever America decides, America is right. Why do you hate America, Mary Murphy?
Special guest performer: Mika, singing some song about how everybody is going to love today. The People In Favour Of A Pleasant Tomorrow get their blood all angried up. This song features falsetto. It sounds highly danceable. Not that anyone is; apparently the audience has again been choreographed by Vegas's Synchronized Clapping Players.
After Mika finally finishes up, Cat brings the women out on stage to help fill the hour -- I mean, "recap." Hee! They're all so teeny! This recap nonsense means we're going to have to hear that John Mayer song ten MORE times, doesn't it?
Sabra is safe this week. She hugs Lacey and Lauren and hightails it off stage, where Pasha hugs her. up: Jaimie, who is in the bottom four (which is two guys and two girls tonight). Cat sends Jaimie over to the Danger Zone (hee! Maveriiiiiick!). We recap Lacey , who gets an extra cheer from the audience. I forgot to mention last night Mary's comment about not needing a weatherman to know who blows. Or that's maybe not exactly what she said. I kid; Lacey was good, she's just always clearly performing on the surface. Anyway, she's safe. I enjoy watching Lacey receive either criticism or the revelation she's safe; she's never more genuine. When she's being criticized, she looks completely stricken; when she gets the news she's safe, she seems far more relieved than excited. It's far more interesting than watching her pretend to be all sexual like she did yesterday. After the break (and after an extremely odd freeze-framed close-up of a half-lidded mouth-open Lauren), we recap Lauren, who danced a terrific hip-hop routine with Pasha last night. It's worth noting that we see for the first time Lauren revealing that her brother's going to the war year, in the air force. Satisfied that she SUPPORTS THE TROOPS? Sara danced disco with Neil. We also see a shot of Sara finishing up her solo last night and saying, "It's peaceful, now that it's over!" See? These dancers don't even know what the hell they were dancing about!
And…Sara's safe. Thank God! I don't dislike Lauren or anything (although she does kind of grate tonight), but she doesn't do anything for me. I think America's reacting more to the judges' tongue-bath of Lauren last night.
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up: the guys. Cat has to wait for the audience to stop screaming before she can review Neil's disco routine (why didn't we get to see his Wookie impression last night? I'm starting to like Neil!). Neil? Safe. No surprise. Pretty boy plus actually good routine (the disco, anyway) means he's staying. Now, Danny, who everyone loved last night. He's not going home tonight either, and he has a bit of a seizure when he finds out. How's that for emotion, judges! Cat says Dominic's name, and he jokingly immediately starts to head over to the Danger Zone. He danced the Viennese Waltz with Jaimie, which the judges called cartoonish. Clearly, with the way they're setting up the recaps, he's going to be in danger, since if he's safe, then both Pasha and Kameron are in danger, and we haven't recapped them yet. So, yep, Dominic's in trouble, and we'll find out after the break whether it's going to be Pasha or Kameron also in the guys' bottom two. Oh, we all know it's going to be Kameron. After the commercials, we're reminded that the judges liked Kameron's solo and disliked Neil's, and the reverse is true for their respective partner. Sure enough, Kameron's in the bottom two.
Cat asks the judges what they think of the bottom four. Mia's mullet prevents her from hearing the question at first, and when she finally does respond, she says she's "gagging," thinking she thought Pasha would be in the bottom four (and she's surprised that any of them are in the bottom four). Mary says she wishes she could save all four of them from being in danger (who would you replace them with, Mary?), and then she babbles on about them "following their hearts," so that's enough out of Mary. Nigel fesses up and admits that it's actually easier for the judges now that they don't have to make the decision.
Back from the break -- the dances are all going to perform solos. Jaimie performs to Stars' "Your Ex-Lover's Dead" which earns points from me. But if you've seen Jaimie dance solo before, you've seen all this already. Dominic dances to "It's Just Begun" by the Jimmy Castor Bunch, and he does a fantastic routine. It's frenetic without coming off as desperate (which I find Jaimie does, dancing for her life), and it ends with an insanely long headspin that may unfortunately, long-term, shorten Dominic's lifespan due to brain-squashing. Cat calls it spectacular, and you know how hard she is to please. Lauren prepares for a future career by starting her routine dancing on a table, to "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercyme. It's all right. I find I'm actually distracted by her relentless grinning. She's like the Joker. Well, at least she looks like she's having fun. Kameron's routine is okay, nothing I found special, certainly not as good as Dominic's, but it doesn't matter anyway (although if I could, I'd give him a reprieve based on the Chuck Taylors he's wearing). If I were in the bottom two, I just know I'd think, "Hey, these solos don't make any difference tonight," and I'd go out there drinking a beer and flipping off the audience for thirty seconds, and only after leaving the stage to boos would I remember that I might still be back the follow week.
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Cat asks Mia for her final thoughts on the bottom two women: Mia actually blathers about the jacket again: "Never accept a military jacket from a friend and wear it." Lauren and Jaimie inanely clap and nod sagely, all, "That's so true." Nice that Mia's now moving from a sincere apology to blaming her friend. Then she blathers on about what a pleasure it was, yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, who's going home? Jaimie. The audience ahhhhs, and Lauren hugs her. Cat has to tell Lauren a couple of times to leave the stage. She starts to go, and then stops to hug the guys. LAUREN, GET OFF THE DAMN STAGE. YOU'LL BE BACK. Jaimie says, "This has been an absolute dream," and she fights back tears, but keeps smiling. Well, she still gets to tour, as Cat reminds her, and we watch the video montage. Where oh where did they ever come up with rare footage of Mary calling someone a "class act"? Cat tells Jaimie this is just the beginning.
Now, it's time for the guys, Dominic or Kameron. Mary's thoughts: she congratulates the two of them for making it this far out of the thousands and thousands of people who auditioned, and tells them this isn't the end. Then Cat totally goes and undercuts that by saying it's "the end of the road" for Kameron. He hugs Cat, and talks about how great it was to be around everyone's talent and passion, and thanks the judges for the opportunity. Cat asks him what the hardest thing has been about the competition, and he says adapting to the different styles. As we see in the montage, his hair was averse to different styles as well.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go collect from my bookie.
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