Cat Deely tells us that thousands of hopefuls have been whittled down to the top 16. Even in a black dress, she's irrepressibly perky. This is probably what she's like at funerals. I, I just died in your arms tonight. It must have been something you said.
Dance legend Debbie Allen is in the studio as a guest judge. She's won Emmys and Golden Globes, run a world-famous dance school, and Cat remembers her from Fame. Does she have any connection with Footloose? Tell me she does. Then I'll be impressed. Ah, I'm just grouchy because I already blew my one Fame-referencing line in an earlier weecap. Since we are filling the same two hours every week with progressively fewer dancers, we're getting a whole lot of nonsense. Cat babbles on with Debbie about the dance standards of the show, and dance vocabulary, and what have you. Just remember, the rule for judges is that they always have to say that this season has the most talent. Mary makes things interesting by at least singling out a specific dancer -- Dominic -- for praise. "I see a hardworking young man who's going to make a difference in the dance world." Nigel, this show you produce: are you pleased or disappointed with it? I wonder which it'll be -- he's pleased! Yes! So you know it's good.
No group dance this week! What the hell? That's easily my favourite part! You have to fill two hours, and you sacrifice Group Dance for Judge Blather? Booooo! Booooo!
After the commercial, Cat says they wanted to get to know the contestants better, so everyone's been asked what their aspirations are outside the dance world. Cough*filler*cough.
Sara says she wants to use her degree in public relations and journalism to be a freelance writer and write dance articles. Sara, this is supposed to be outside the dance world! Jesus wants to make enough money to give back to people. A lot of people helped him, and he wants to pay it forward. Dude, you don't need money. Volunteer. Fox is only getting a certain amount of your American Idol voting fees, you know. Go to a soup kitchen, teach someone to read. Dance at a seniors' home!
Anyway, they're going to krump. Yay, I get to learn what it is! Sara says she's always pretended to know how to krump, while Jesus fronts for a little while and then admits that he has no idea what krumping is. So it's not just me.
They're being choreographed by one of the inventors, Lil' C. Awesome. This is like if I got choreographed by the guys who invented the Running Man or the Cabbage Patch. Lil' C says we're going to see some "unorthodox" krumping moves. So I guess it's not like the krumping my grandfather taught me, then. Dude, if you invented krumping, everything you come up with is orthodox! Even if these moves are called, um, Bathroom Stall and Grandma With A Walker. Fortunately, Lil' C assures us that they're going to be "buck." I assume that's good.
They're dance to "It's Okay (One Blood)" by the Game. You know what would have been nice? An explanation of what krumping is, and why this is krumping and not hip-hop. Is it all the stomping? Is it, for all I know, their red shirts and jeans? Nigel likes this direction that Lil' C is taking krumping in. Apparently it's more mainstream and not so much about "kicking butt." In the audience, Lil' C nods, all, "Yeah, that's what I'm talking about." I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. Then Nigel calls Sara a "gangsta," and I give up, because I am officially a bigger square than Nigel Lythgoe.
Shauna and Cedric, after losing their partners Faina and Jimmy, respectively, are partnered up this week. What do they want to be, outside of dance? Shauna wants to be a techno singer, because she loves techno music, and falls asleep to it. I dig it. I fall asleep listening to her talking about falling asleep to techno music. Cedric wants to make toys, because he loves toys, and falls asleep listening to toys, or something. We revisit last week, when each of them lost their partners. "It's crazy to, like, lose your partner," says Shauna backstage. Yeah, what could be crazier than that? But she loves Cedric, so it's okay! At home, Jimmy bites his fist.
This week they're dancing a contemporary Mia Michaels routine. "I try to get them to tap into their guts," says Mia, adding that this piece celebrates goodbyes. Shauna calls her an "organic teacher" and talks about the "Mia Michaels experience," furthering my suspicion that the dancers always search for code words that mean "I think she's a total wench" when they talk about her. Mia says Shauna's going to do great no matter what, but she's worried that Cedric's on his last chance here.
They're dancing to "I Thought We Had" by the Family Stand. Cedric comes bounding up the stage stairs, while Shauna rolls on. They're in black and white outfits. It looks like they beat each other up in portions, and then make up. Then Cedric goes and cries in the corner, and Shauna has to go convince him to keep dancing. Then at one point, they go offstage and stand around and then Shauna adjusts Cedric's tie. Man, does this blow. This is why more people don't watch dance. Debbie tongue-bathes them, and Mia Michaels, and says that Cedric is making dance cool for all the young men who want to dance contemporary. I know she's a dance legend and all, but is she high? Mary says she felt both of them were dancing their hearts out, but it still wasn't good enough. Cedric gets his "execution at dawn" face on, as Mary flat-out says she doesn't think Cedric should continue in this competition any longer, and that he hasn't shown any growth. Cedric babbles on about how the piece started out one way, and then it became his life, and this is about his struggles. Nigel somehow manages to straddle the fence between the other judges. At least he talks a little bit more about Shauna, so it's not the All About Cedric routine. Nigel says Cedric has a lot to learn, and the crowd boos, and Cedric very smartly tells the audience to can it, because what they're saying is true, and he implores all young dancers to go to school and study. The judges clap, although Mary has a knot in her face, all, "Don't you dare try to prevent your elimination by accepting our criticism with humility and grace." Then Debbie Allen says he's ideal for her school, and he's got an open door, and Nigel awesomely pins her down into saying she'll give him a scholarship. That's pretty cool. And then the judges remember that they shouldn't already be shoveling dirt on his grave, and then they good-naturedly yell at each other instead of going to commercial. That was so buck!
Lacey and Kameron are doing the first quickstep of the season. Finally! Unfortunately, it's not the green apple variety. I'm assuming.
But Lacey's ambitions -- singing, movies, that sort of thing -- don't mean very much to her anymore, because right after they taped last week's show, she found out a friend had died. Now she just wants to make people happy by dancing. I guess since her friend died, it wouldn't be fair to bust on her for saying that her ambition outside of dance is to dance. Losing a friend at Lacey's age is a gut-punch no one should ever have to suffer. …I like Lacey. I'd been on the fence about whether she's genuinely humble and sweet, or if she's playing stuff up for the cameras. I think she's real, just a little naïve, maybe the product of doing nothing growing up but dancing. Kameron's grateful for how supportive his family is, so his ambition is to have a big family, and be as supportive to his own family.
Tony Meredith is going to be choreographing the quick step. Kameron helpfully explains that Tony is going to be telling him where to put his feet and stuff. Yes, we know what a choreographer does. Kameron struggles with it, and has trouble keeping his posture, so Tony brings out a contraption that sits on Kameron's neck which gives him a little scarecrow look, but keeps his arms in the right position.
"Big and Bad" by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy is the music. They look like -- this is flapperish, isn't it? This is what you think of when you think of grainy sepia-toned footage of people dancing in speakeasies. Kameron's pasted his Mohawk down. Kameron lifts Lacey up and twirls her around, and they end up on their backs on the floor. I thought it was kind of boring. Debbie calls it fun. Mary calls it pretty good, and also amazing, and everything. Nigel also loved it. Again, I couldn't ever decide if Lacey's gratitude for praise is genuine or if it's phony. She knows she's a good dancer, right? But the look on her face when the judges say nice things is of such heartbreaking relief, almost like she's thinking, "Oh my god, I so thought you were going to say I suck." I think she is thinking that. I think the pressure of her family's dancing bona fides is weighing very heavily on her.
Anya and Danny are up . Anya wants to set up an animal shelter. Because she loves animals. Okay, all you guys? If you tell us you want to work with toys, we're going to figure you love toys. If you tell us you want to work in techno music, we're going to figure you love techno music. If you tell us you want to work with animals, we're going to figure you love animals. Danny apparently wants to be involved in television. Just how, it doesn't matter. Production. Acting. Movies, television, commercials, whatever.
Dan Karaty's choreographing their hip-hop routine. They're both nervous. Anya praises Danny, saying he picked it up really quickly, and she's worried about looking like a "cha-cha girl" doing hip-hop, and worries about how she doesn't have to keep a count but keep up with the boom-boom-kah-kah-psh. It's cute when she does that.
"Oh Timbaland," by, well, guess. They're in black suits, with Danny playing air piano. I like Anya in general, but she seems clearly out of her element here to me. It's a game effort, and the routine is pretty cool, with a lot of rolling on the floor. It's certainly sensual, but as far as her doing hip-hop -- meh. Especially compared with Danny, who really does seem to have picked it up quickly. It also helps him that the routine is just a teensy bit balletic (is that a word?), especially towards the end. He also does a terrific flip. Debbie "I Think Everyone Is Awesome" Allen calls them the "dream team" because there's nothing they can't do. She also praises the choreography, and calls Danny the matinee idol of the competition. "I think the same of you," smooths Danny. Look, whenever you two are done making out… Mary liked them, although she thinks it could have been a little tighter. Nigel is a little less effusive; he says it wasn't as good as he expected, they didn't look quite as comfortable up there, and he heads off the booing by explaining that the two of them are on a much higher level then the others. Nice. "I don't expect as much from the others," is that it?
Dominic says his biggest ambition is to do headspins naked. With no one there. This is what he says. Okay, Dominic. We get that you're not as cocky as you initially portrayed yourself. I think I preferred that, though, to the sensitive-dork routine he's currently overdoing. Sabra says her ambition is to be a standup comedian, because she thinks she's pretty "dang" funny, and also she wants to meet Ellen Degeneres. Yeah, I have no idea what she's on about either. We have plenty of time, Sabra. Tell us a joke!
They're dancing the rumba, which is a word they seem never to have heard before. I don't think this is like me, a 31-year-old white Canadian, not knowing what "krumping" is. This is two dancers who want to dance appearing on a dancing competition in which they'll have to dance different dances not knowing a really famous dance.
Jean-Marc Genereux is the choreographer. They struggle with it, but they probably didn't get in as much rehearsal as they needed, given that they would have spent a lot of time just learning how to pronounce "rumba."
"Stickwitu" by the Pussycat Dolls. So -- is this what the rumba really looks like? It's been contemporized, right? It's okay. I'd really rather see more headspins and backflips. Well, Cat liked it. I'm sure I could get up there and do two minutes of junior-high slow dancing to "She's Like The Wind" and Cat would find something nice to say about it. "You swayed slowly while describing circles on the dance floor! Amazing!" Anyway, let's go to the judges. I wonder if Debbie's going to like it. "Call the fire department, honey, that was hot!" yells Debbie, and then there's some annoying preening on the part of Dominic. Mary likes it too. I'll go with the judges on this one. I presume the judges know technique, and I'd probably benefit if the judges spent as much time offering specific praise about what they did right as they spend yelling about how they have "two tickets on the hot tamale train!" and then screeching her lungs out. I refuse to believe that anyone actually thinks this is funny or cute. "Did you hear me, Nigel?" Mary shrieks at Nigel, who has his fingers in his ears. Probably because this is behaviour that's inappropriate for a two-year-old. Nigel calls them fantastic and praises both of them, and says they're growing every week.
Lauren wants to go out in space. Well, keep dancing, then. I hear that's how Neil Armstrong got his start. Neil also wants to sing and act as well as he can dance. Triple threat! Jean-Marc Genereux says the dance is like a cat and mouse, and then they spend about three hours talking about how this means Neil is chasing her. Many shots of playful rehearsal. These two are ridiculously cute.
"Tanguero" by Sexteta Mayor. Lauren's in a sparkly red ankle-length backless dress, and Neil's in a black suit. They start off sitting on chairs, using them as props. I'm not sure, but I think I detect a little cat-and-mouse motif. It's like Neil is the cat, and Lauren is the mouse. By which I mean, Neil (the cat) is chasing after Lauren (the mouse). Anyway, I liked it. I thought it was good. Turns out I was wrong.
Debbie thought it could have been tighter. Wow. Non-effusiveness from Debbie. Mary praises the bit they did with the chairs. She felt the passion from each of them, but not so much for them as a pair. She also says Neil was a little sloppy. She says the tango is usually danced more into the floor, and they were a little too high. Since I've craved specific advice, and she's giving it, I'll refrain from making a joke about just who is a little bit high. Nigel says he thought it was pretty good. He did think Neil was a little over the top, but he's impressed because Neil, and the other guys on the show, dance like dudes. Yeah, especially now that Ricky's gone. Cat blah blahs about the cat and mouse again.
Hok wants to keep on creating, but in visual arts -- we some works that I presume are his? There's a self-portrait, a crying giraffe. They're not bad at all, and he wants to take that further after he's done with dance. Jaimie, meanwhile, wants to be a writer, because her mother was one, and writing is amazing, and her sister loves writing, and they want to write a book together about their mother, who wants to write a book about her journey.
Wade Robson will be choreographing their dance routine, which he says is quite eclectic, more like ballet. Wade, respect the hat selection! They're supposed to dance jazz! "I'm Wade Motherfucking Robson, I will choreograph whatever dance I damn well please." He's got a routine that's a love story between a hummingbird and a flower. With anyone else, I'd probably be rolling my eyes.
"The Chairman's Waltz" from Memoirs of a Geisha. Hok is indeed like a bird, a hummingbird, with his flapping hands. Jaimie is the flower, with her hair all in large spikes. This is interesting, if not something I feel at all qualified to give a thumbs-up or thumbs-down too. Debbie calls it genius and brilliant. "You're really stepping up," she tells them, adding that it reminded her of a Cirque de Soleil routine. Mary liked it too, and tells Hok that he may have been a hummingbird, but he soared like an eagle. Man, I hate those corny comments she makes. Mainly because I picture her working on lines like that all through the routine instead of paying attention to it, and then just itching to deliver them. Nigel said it was beautiful, and that Wade took Hok's abilities and culture and turned it into movement. He also praises Jaimie's performance, and says Wade brilliantly incorporated what the two of them can do. He wonders who they are to say whether it was good or not. The…judges?
Pasha's ambition is to be reunited with his family. We see a picture of his mom, who looks exactly like him. He hasn't seen them in ten years. What's going on here? Can we get this explained a little more? Jessi wants to be a well-rounded performer like Julie Andrews or Judy Garland. They're dancing the cha-cha, choreographed by Tony Meredith. It's characterized by its "cheekiness." Oh, lord! Tony wants to throw some krumping in too. Well, I certainly hope it's a little more orthodox than the krumping we saw earlier. I'm not very fond of that "new" krumping. Jessi shows some moves, and Pasha cops to having a cramp in his leg. Tony says, "Not cramping, krumping." Tony says in an interview that the two of them are so hot that the chemistry is going to be amazing. Jessi actually pleads for votes during the rehearsal interviews, suggesting that maybe Pasha could take off his shirt, and she could maybe flip her hair around a little. Or…you could practice. I mean, if you want to take the chance that this show's viewers will vote for you because you flipped your hair around, knock yourself out.
But then Cat says something happened this morning. Jessi felt weak, she couldn't breathe. She's being tended to in an ambulance. And the doctors have ordered her to rest. But it wouldn't be fair to Pasha (not to mention fans of annoyingly good-looking male specimens) to not let him dance, so he will be dancing.
"Let's Get Loud" by Jennifer Lopez is the music. Instead of dancing with Jessi, Pasha's dancing with Tony's assistant, who is…Bette Midler, apparently. He's great. He's always great. Everyone says "the show must go on" a bunch of times. Debbie blathers on about how great he was. Well, he was, I'll give her that. And she steals my Bette Midler joke, somehow, even though she couldn't see my laptop! Mary says he brought the house down, and she gives a mini-screech. At some point she yells, "You are hot, hot, hot!" Nigel totally buzz-kills everyone as he explains that the doctors are still doing tests on Jessi, because there's something irregular about her heart; if Pasha and Jessi are in the bottom three this week, they'll be dancing for their lives. If Jessi's not available to dance for her life, she'll be eliminated. The crowd is all, "Oooh." What, she should be safe? Well, then, maybe she should stay in hospital for the several weeks, and automatically win! Grow up. If you want to boo, boo the fact that nobody felt it unwise to continue to refer to "dancing for their lives" after one of the competitors collapsed due to heart problems. Good grief.