Episode Report Card Tippi Blevins: B+ | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Children of the Carnage
By Tippi Blevins | Season 10 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.29.2010
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Clark and Lois hit the road to cover a cherry festival for the paper and chat about all things Kryptonian. Far from being freaked out, Lois thinks Clark is godly. He's also kind of a sneak: He got them assigned to this dumb cherry story in order to keep Lois away from an anti-vigilante rally in the city. Lois doesn't have long to be ticked, though, because their car runs over a nail-studded piece of wood and comes down with two flats. Lois seeks refuge with a friendly young girl who shows up seemingly out of nowhere with lemonade and a horse-drawn buggy. While Clark is down the road getting a new tire, the little girl takes Lois to her creepy cultish village. It seems innocent at first, but Lois soon learns the village means to sacrifice her, like they've sacrificed one woman every year since their leader's daughter was killed by the meteor shower of 1989. Clark tries to rescue her, but the whole town is infected with blue K, rendering him essentially powerless. They gut him with a sickle and bury him, far enough away from the meteorites to allow him to heal. He returns, godlike, to rescue Lois, much to the villagers' awe. Also, he has a shotgun. In the end, he and Lois return to Smallville where, with surprisingly little talk and an unsurprising plethora of candles, they fornicate in an ungodly way.
In the episode's depressing subplot, Tess has employed a doctor to come up with a cure to slow down Alexander's rapid aging. Tess is determined to give the boy love and raise him up right, by giving him birthday parties and such. But Alexander has started having nightmares about Clark trying to kill him. The original Lex's memories are starting to come to him, to the point that he remembers how Tess clings to powerful men like Oliver, Original Flavor Lex and now Clark. She slaps him, then apologizes profusely to Alexander. He insists his name is Lex now. Tess, horrified, tells the doctor to stop working for a cure. She's going to let Lex age himself to death in six weeks because she's convinced he's inherently evil. Hey, here's an idea: Maybe Original Flavor Lex and New Lex are screwed up because they had parents who were horrified by them and wanted them dead. Stay tuned for the full recap.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!A snazzy red convertible speeds down the road, toward a scenic range of misty mountains. Clark is at the wheel and Lois sits beside him. After their mutual revelations last week, a few things have suddenly started to become very clear to Lois. She names a few incidents of the past for Clark. "Our Twilight Zone acid trip to the phantom prison," she recalls. "That place was...?" She trails off, letting Clark finish with "Kryptonian" as confirmation. She nods and studies his profile while he drives. She also mentions the "horny toad" that crashed Chloe and Jimmy's wedding, which Clark also admits was Kryptonian. What about that spaceship she found? "Also Kryptonian," Clark says, "but that wasn't mine, it was my cousin's." He gives her a lambish look. (It's not quite sheepish yet.) She studies him some more and then apologizes for all the questions. "It's just not every week that a girl learns her boyfriend's an--" "Alien?" Clark finishes with a goofy smile. He wants to be sure she's okay with that. She gets googly eyed and likens it to dating a god... or Bono. Clark seems quite pleased with those comparisons. They grin at each as they drive past lush, green mountains. Ah, Kansas. What hidden geographical treasures do you hold?
Lois is glad they're out on a story where Cat can't snoop. Clark looks slightly uncomfortable and says, "It's lucky Tess sent us out here to cover the cherry festival." Lois gives him a suspicious look. "Clark Kent doesn't believe in luck," she says. Are you kidding? Luck saves his ass all the time! He damn well better believe in it. She presses him and he admits he got them on this assignment because he didn't want Lois in the middle of the anti-hero protest that's going in in Metropolis. Lois is a bit miffed because it should have been her story, but Clark was trying to protect her. She teases him for treating her like a damsel in distress. "Clark, I love that an intergalactic powerhouse wants to protect me," she says, "but this Earth girl can take care of herself." Except for when you get kidnapped practically every other week.
At this point, the universe decides to prove her wrong and their car suddenly hits something in the road. Clark pulls off to the side of a road that stretches for miles in either direction with nary another soul in sight. They get out and have a look at the car. "Two flats and only one spare," Lois says. "Looks like a job for... AAA." The Superman theme tootles quietly at the almost-reference. Unfortunately for our intrepid reporters, there's no cellphone signal so they can't call for help. Here's the point at which he should have zipped off with the phone to some more populous area with a signal, or to a tire shop. Or he could just pick up Lois and the car and whoosh all of their asses down the road. Instead, he replaces one of the busted tires with the spare, using his own hands as a carjack while Lois giggles. "Oh, praise the Lord!" a girlish voice says behind them. "You're okay!" They turn and see a little girl running up to them from a horse-drawn buggy parked a few yards away. She's wearing a kapp to cover her hair and a dress she borrowed from Laura Ingalls Wilder. Clark asks if there's a mechanic nearby and the little girl helpfully tells him to go up the road a bit. Clark invites Lois to come with him, but Lois decides to give him a hard time, calling herself a "delicate little flower" that can't withstand the heat. She decides to stay with the girl, who politely introduces herself as "Charlotte, ma'am" and offers Lois some lemonade. "Ah, lovely!" Lois says with too much enthusiasm. "So we will have a big glass as we damsels in distress wait for Clark to come rescue us." She turns to Clark with a big grin. When Charlotte flits off to fetch the lemonade, Clark warns Lois that she's in the middle of nowhere. Lois scoffs at the idea she might be in any danger. Clark reluctantly trudges down the road, busted tire in hand.