There are currently three lines of dialogue taking place in my head. My inner geek is all excited and squealy at all the backstory stuff with Zod and Jor-El and various other Supermanly references. My inner young girl who fell in love with Julian Sands in A Room With a View feels swoony to see him here as Clark's father and pleased that the years have been largely kind to him. Then there's my recapper's voice, which is going, "Uh, what? Didn't it seem to you too like the episode kept ramping up to something exciting, and then it kept sort of petering out?" Then Inner Geek is like, "You are such a buzzkill! There was so much cool stuff! We saw freaking Krypton!" And Inner Girly Girl is all, "George was so dreamy, don't you think? Why can't real boys be like him? SIGH!!" And I'm here going, "Shut up, both of you! I have to finish this recaplet!" Man, now I know how Clark must feel arguing with his Blur Sock Puppet.
Anyway, turns out the reason Zod and the other Kandorian soldiers are on Earth is because that orb that Tess opened is of one of Jor-El's old cloning projects that was supposed to preserve Kryptonian culture by recording the DNA/memories of a select few. Jor-El backed out of the project because of the potential for danger, which earned him a death sentence as a traitor. Zod stepped in and convinced the Big Kryptonian Faces of Judgment to spare his life, which they did, on one condition: Jor-El also had to include his genes to help oversee the orb once it arrived on Earth. Jor-El did so, but depowered the orb by waving a big blue sex toy at it. Zod also wanted Jor-El to clone his son who was killed in the war that was raging on Krypton, but Jor-El refused on ethical grounds. Zod broke up with him on the spot.
Back on Earth in the present day, Clark and Oliver jet off to Turkey to find the reincarnated Jor-El, but he's already made his way to the Kent farm, where he meets Chloe. She fills him in on all the stuff he missed in the twenty years between the time he created the orb and the time Krypton kaploded. Stuff like: Zod is evil now and responsible for Krypton's final destruction, all the Kandorians are on Earth, and oh, by the way, you have a full-grown son and he's super! By the time Clark makes his way back home, Jor-El is already half-dead, thanks to a botched plan where he and Tess plan to convince Zod that Jor-El is actually the Blur, thereby keeping the real Blur away from Zod. Jor-El dies in Clark's arms, after asking him to save Zod. Then Clark goes and laser-visions a tombstone for Jor-El, right in the open, and Zod witnesses the whole damn thing. You know, everyone keeps trying to protect Clark from various evil outside forces, but sometimes they should mostly just protect him from himself.
Previously on Smallville: Clark decided he wanted Lois and kissed her; Clark built a fortress in the Arctic and met the disembodied voice of his father Jor-El; a powerless Major Zod arrived on Earth and brought friends; Clark's "S" symbol was found in Turkey along with a mystery man; Zod's soldiers' last memory was of their blood being taken in Kandor; Zod mistook the "Blur" for Jor-El and assumed that Jor-El had kept all their powers for himself; Tess killed the soldier that Zod sent to interrogate and kill her; Clark enjoyed standing around on rooftops dressed all in black.
A big red sun burns in the darkness of space. Audibly, for some reason. Orbiting the sun is an icy blue planet. Down on the planet's surface, it's like Al Gore's worst nightmare, all wars and red skies and raging fires. Gasoline probably costs, like, a hundred dollars a gallon. There's a city that looks like a much bigger, more elaborate version of Clark's Fortress of Solitude. Soldiers rush around in some trenches as guns go off and bombs blast all around them. They're dressed more or less like the soldiers of most armies on Earth but some helpful words pop up on the screen and identify the setting as the Kandorian border, twenty years before the destruction of Krypton. As if these soldiers didn't have enough going on, a white-clad medic is using a horrific-looking implement to simultaneously scan their arm tattoos and extract blood samples. First a male soldier gets his blood taken, and then a female soldier. Medic guy sees the woman in line looking nervous and says, "Relax, it's just a pinprick." Yes, but a pinprick from laser-powered syringe that's roughly the size and shape of a caulking gun. She admits she never liked needles, which leads the woman ahead of her to quip, "It's a small price to pay for immortality."
A very large blast goes off somewhere overhead. Debris rains down on the soldiers as they take cover. Zod shows up as the dust clears and starts griping at the medic. "There's a civil war raging and you're wasting time! The forces of Black Zero are closing in on Kandor, and I can assure you they'll wait for no one." The medic tells Zod that his is the last blood sample he needs from the battalion and Zod impatiently jerks up his sleeve. He wants to win the war, he says, and get everyone back to their families. Everyone cheers. Before Zod's sample can be taken, a hand clasps the medic's arm, pulling down the caulking gun implement. Zod greets the newcomer as a friend: "Jor-El!" It's a slightly scruffy and smudged Julian Sands, on whom I've had a crush since his turn as George in A Room With a View, but who since then seems to be a magnet for mostly obscure, often horrible movie roles. Zod guesses that Jor-El isn't there to cheer on the troops. "Call it a mission of redemption," Jor-El says. He tells the medic to give him all the blood samples, because he can't let the project continue. Medic snotfully tells him that his orders come from the Ruling Council: "You have no authority here." Zod jabs his finger at the medic, saying he'd better do what Jor-El says, because he's the "most renowned scientist in Krypton." Jor-El gives Zod a look of gratitude. Zod announces to everyone in the trenches: "If the Ruling Council wants my blood, let them find it on the battlefield!" He kind of moves his lips around a lot when he talks, doesn't he? Especially during impassioned speeches. It's like after you've had a Novocaine injection and you make exaggerated stretching motions with your mouth, trying to feel your own lips. Everyone cheers. Zod goes on: "Let Black Zero feel the bite of your weapons and the bravery of your hearts!" As the pepped-up soldiers grab their weapons and surge on to fight, Zod pulls Jor-El aside and gently warns him the Council won't be happy. "I won't let my life's work be used to commit an atrocity," Jor-El says. And yet, some twenty years from now you'll be creating an AI program that's intermittently kind of evil and trusting it to educate your son. Zod stares at him hard for a moment and then they both notice that the battle has grown eerily quiet. They rush up the side of the trench and look out over what used to be the city of Kandor, but is now an assortment of crumbling towers underneath an expanding mushroom cloud. The impact wave moves quickly toward them, but Zod tries to rush toward the city anyway, murmuring, "My wife, my son." Jor-El pulls him back down into the trenches and forcibly holds him against the ground. "There's nothing you can do! Kandor is gone!" Zod struggles a bit, then falls back, defeated.
Present day. Zod is talking to his Earthbound soldiers. Where, exactly, are they? Why, in one of the show's ubiquitous warehouses, of course! He couldn't have rented out a conference room at a Holiday Inn or something? Maybe put out a coffee urn and some Shipley's? He explains that none of them recall the day Kandor fell because they only remember Kandor up until the moment their blood was taken. He calls them the "last sons and daughters of Krypton" and promises he won't allow their birthright to be denied. He accuses Jor-El of coming in the orb with them and keeping their powers for himself. One of the soldiers is Alia, the assassin who attacked Lois in the train a few episodes ago. If the rest of them are never given names, I'm just going to name them after the Resistance characters from Top Secret!. Like, one guy will be Chocolate Mousse, one will be Déjà vu, etc. Boy, that was a funny movie. While I was off thinking about old Val Kilmer movies, Zod has been working up quite a tantrum about how Jor-El "flaunts" his powers all over the city. Zod? You know I love you, but you sound like a big baby, and not just because you sometimes pronounce your Rs and Ls like Ws. "When we find this traitor," he says, "we will force him to give us what's rightfully ours. We will be gods on this planet and Kandor will rise again!" Somebody save the Earth!
Watchtower. Man, I'm just noticing how phallic that building is from the outside. It juts so proudly! Chloe is inside, doing what she's almost always doing these days -- tapping away at one of her computers. She goes from the computer to the touch screen on her desk while glancing anxiously at the monitors. Clark whooshes into the room behind her. Chloe turns to him with a surprised but pleased, "Hey!" She thinks his showing up to see her must mean that the I Love Lois Show was preempted this week." Yes, well, with the Krypton sets and guest actor, there wasn't enough money in the budget for all that dopey music this week. Sorry. Clark teases her: "Come on, you know I always speed over when you call." Chloe just looks at him with an implied, "Shyeah!" and then goes back to work at her computer. Clark goes on to say he thinks he's the reason Lois disappeared without a word, though. He admits he kissed her. Chloe assures him that leaving town is "Lois's typical response to intimacy." Have fun with that relationship, Clark. She'll probably join a nunnery after you two boink for the first time. He says he couldn't help himself, and then Chloe clunks us all with an anvil about Clark having feelings for Lois since the 1930s. She says Lois just needs a little space. In the meantime, how about an actual plot instead? Chloe tells him about her "LuthorCorp mole" giving her information about Tess sending teams out all over the globe, looking for the Kandorians. Chloe says Tess has one team digging through the Turkish desert. She thinks Clark should "wing it" out there and see for himself. Clark admits he still can't fly and starts to go book his coach flight, but Chloe suggests he fly first-class with Oliver. Clark starts to protest, but Oliver walks in at that moment. "I hear you need a lift," he says. Clark casts an accusing glance at Chloe. She just smiles. Clark gives a long sigh and nods his acceptance. Having wealthy and helpful friends is so trying.
Tess's limo. Tess is on the phone with a minion, upset because his "tomb raiders" have been digging around the desert for weeks without results. Minion's voice tells her they've been struggling with sandstorms and that whoever they're looking for is dead, or buried. Tess suggests the minion will end up the same way unless he gets the job done. Her door is opened for her and she steps out of the limo. They're parked in some industrial area with train tracks and buildings with smokestacks or steam vents. Waiting for her by one of these buildings is Zod. He's looking up at one of the Blur's gigantic S-shields that's been burned into the back of a billboard. It's probably twenty feet across. I hope someone invents kryptonite spray paint and sprays Clark with it. That'll teach him not to vandalize people's property. Tess saunters up to Zod in her awesome knee-high boots and silvery trench coat and greets him. He turns to look at her. "I received your message," he says, and tosses her the soldier's bloody dog tags she sent him last week. He thinks that Tess, unlike the Blur, has a "flair for the dramatic." I think he's being sarcastic, but Tess answers him as if he's not: "I think your deep-cover agent might have a different opinion." But Tess is glad his "untimely" death got Zod's attention. They stand side by side before the shield. "I won't be toyed with," she tells him. Zod, looking like he's suppressing the hot sting of rising bile, confides to Tess his theory about Jor-El being the Blur and taking their powers. Tess turns slightly so that Zod can't see the impish smile stealing across her lips. She finds this all so delicious. Zod strikes a bargain with her: "You help me find him, I'll give you what you've always wanted." He's very close to her now, and moving closer with each word he utters. He flatters her about how she opened the orb, the "bottled-up hopes and dreams of Kandor," and offers to let her work with them. He drops his voice to a hoarse whisper: "At my side, as equals... together... intimately." Pretty confident of your sexy charms, aren't you, Zoddy-Poo? Tess turns to look up at him with a smile. "I've already got a team on it," she says. She says she'll let him know when she finds Jor-El. Zod gives her an appreciative once-over as he watches her go. She's not bad for a human, eh?
Turkish "desert" under the glaring sun. Oliver is joking that if Clark had wanted to bury him for going in the date with Lois, he should have picked Nevada. Clark doesn't want to talk about it, but Oliver keeps going on about how they at least could have caught some shows or something, like Blue Man Group or Carrot Top. OK, Oliver being a murderer was one thing, but a Carrot Top fan? Beyond the pale! He and Clark walk and walk. Oliver is panting for breath when they finally come to a stop. He totally should have asked Clark to carry him. They've reached the coordinates that Chloe gave them but there doesn't seem to be anything there. Do you think it's important that Clark is wearing dark colors and Oliver is wearing white? Clark thinks they need to look deeper. (I just did!) He uses his X-ray vision and sees the defined edge of something just under the sand. Crouching down, he wipes away some sand and reveals a bubbly glass surface. He starts thinking out loud about how the marks are made by high temps when the Kandorians arrive on Earth. "Out here, the temperature would melt the sand into glass." Standing, he takes a deep breath and super-blows the sand away, revealing a huge, vitreous S-shield. Man, that must have sucked for a powerless Jor-El to show up in the middle of the desert, probably naked, surrounded by flaming hot molten glass. Oliver shields his face from the sand, and possibly from Clark's breath. "Who put your shield out in the middle of nowhere?" Oliver wonders. Clark finds a Kryptonian dog tag in the sand also bearing the symbol. Triumphant horn music plays. "Jor-El?" Clark muses. He realizes what this means: "My father! He's here on Earth." More specifically, as we see in a quick cutaway, he's in Smallville, Kansas, where a helpful local in an old red pickup is just letting him out at the Kent farm.
After the commercial break, Chloe walks through the front door of the Kent house, looking for Shelby: "I've come to take my favorite blond for a walk!" The blond she finds is not the loveable golden retriever we all know and love, but Jor-El, who's looking rather ominous in the shadowy kitchen. (Also, where is Shelby? Chloe called for her, but she never shows up. Now I'm going to worry about this damn fictional dog for the whole rest of the episode.) "Who are you?" Chloe asks. "My name is Jor-El," he says, which visibly stuns Chloe. She crosses the room toward him, saying, "You made it to Smallville! Clark found your markings in the desert." He just frowns at her. "You're Clark's father," she whispers with wonder. Jor-El thinks she's mistaken, because he hasn't got children. Chloe shows him an adorkable photo of Clark from his high school days and says, "His Kryptonian name is Kal-El." Jor-El seems rather awed by the prospect, but doesn't understand why his son would be on Earth. Chloe knits her brow, confused as to why this man doesn't seem to know his own history, but fills him in about sending Clark here as a baby. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Krypton was destroyed," she tells him gently. "My wife, Lara," Jor-El says, turning away. Chloe is surprised Clark's mother didn't come with Jor-El. "She wasn't part of the experiment," he says. Chloe expresses her sympathies, then tells him they've been searching for the other Kryptonians who've arrived. Jor-El doesn't think it will be easy, as they're well-trained and led by Zod, who's a "great commander" as well as Jor-El's best friend. A bright light shines down on his face...
...leading us into a flashback to Krypton. The Kents' farmhouse fades away and is replaced by the pitch-black chamber of the Ruling Council. The light that shines on Jor-El now is the harsh light of judgment. He is surrounded by the images of four, big curmudgeonly faces. One of the faces tells him he's been charged with treason. Jor-El stands inside those whirling Hula Hoops of Judgment like Zod, Ursa, and Non did in Superman 2. The grown-up part of me thinks it looks kind of silly but my inner child-geek wants to clap her hands and squee. Also, Jor-El is wearing long white robes with a black S-shield on the chest. I think I'm just going to have to let go of my confusion over why it's an S on this show, even though they had previously established the House of El symbol as looking more like an 8. Jor-El explains himself: "The technology I created was intended to heal those afflicted by wars and disease, not to resurrect the dead through cloning." Another of the faces tells him the orb will ensure the survival of Krypton's strongest in case their planet is ever destroyed. I like those odds. Jor-El is worried about the clones developing super powers under the Earth's yellow sun, putting the powerless humans at risk. "We cannot doom another planet's future to preserve our past." The Ruling Council is not moved and sentences him to death for his treason. Zod and his over-emoting lips burst into the room to interrupt the trial, which displeases the council even as they're honored by his presence. Zod, demanding to be heard, calls Jor-El the "truest hero" he has ever known. "He has dedicated his life not to death, or war, but to creation." Tears fill Zod's eyes as he talks about the fall of Kandor, and the loss of its people. "What good will come if you extinguish another life unnecessarily?" He asks them to let Jor-El live. The faces murmur amongst themselves. Jor-El and Zod give each other some mighty appreciative looks. The Council agrees to spare Jor-El's life, but orders him to not only complete the orb but to include both his own DNA and Zod's. (Did anyone else get a dirty thought right there? Don't be shy!) One of the faces says, "Our survivors on Earth will be led by two of our planet's greatest heroes." The lights go out for a moment. When they come back on, the faces have vanished, as have the Hula Hoops of Judgment. Zod rushes toward Jor-El. They clasp hands. "I am in your debt," Jor-El says. Zod: "Never forget that, my friend." The lights go out...
... and come back up in the Kent farmhouse. Jor-El has been telling the story to Chloe. "If it wasn't for Zod, I wouldn't be here, and neither would my son." Chloe tells him, sadly, that there's more to Zod that he doesn't know about, having lived "only half the story." She warns him it doesn't have a happy ending.
Oliver's jet, somewhere in the sky. Clark and Oliver sit in the cabin facing each other. Clark mopes, "I can't believe my father's been on Earth this whole time and Jor-El didn't tell me." For no particular reason, Oliver differentiates Clark's father and Jor-El by calling the latter "the dude in [Clark's] ice crystal palace thingie." Clark pays him no mind. He's upset about Jor-El keeping him from meeting the real version of him, preferring instead to keep him in the dark. Oliver thinks there's a reason Clark wasn't told. Clark thinks it's because in person, Jor-El must be even worse than he thought he was. Judging by all the terrible things the AI version has done to you in the past, I don't think it's worried about making a bad impression now, Clark. Oliver wonders if it isn't Clark's anger talking. No, it's his mouth. "A part of me doesn't want to meet him at all," Clark pouts. What is this, therapy? There's a long silence as Oliver fidgets and tries to come up with what he wants to say. Finally, he tells Clark that he can relate to growing up without parents. Clark stares Oliver for a long, long time in silence. Oliver sighs, "We don't get a second chance to be with them." More staring at each other in silence. The problems with all these silent staring shots are twofold: 1. it's all tight close-ups so they feel disconnected when they should be about connecting, and 2. they just go on too long and slow down whatever momentum has been gained. If you're gonna do meaningful staring, make it count! Oliver says, "I'd go to hell and back just to wrap my arms around my old man one more time." Some more back and forth staring. Oliver gets up to go to the cockpit, leaving Clark to look sad all by himself.
Kent barn. Jor-El is in the old loft, going through a trunk of Clark's high school football memorabilia. He fingers Clark's old jersey thoughtfully. Chloe comes up the stairs, letting him know that she's been trying to call Clark but hasn't been able to get through. "But I'm sure he'll touch down soon and then you be able to meet your son," she says with a sunny smile. Jor-El is sad because he thinks his son grew up all alone. Chloe corrects that notion and tells him the Kents were wonderful parents to Clark. Jor-El tells her he would have expected as much, based on his meeting with Hiram Kent. "I felt so much love in this house," he says. "Perhaps that's why I sent Kal-El here." Chloe wonders why Jor-El came to Smallville if he didn't even know he had a son there. She's friendly in her questioning, but clearly puzzled. Jor-El says it's because he has "many fond memories" of Smallville. Yeah, remember that time you were accused of your married girlfriend's murder and you looked just like Tom Welling and also weren't British? Chloe assures Jor-El that his instincts about the Kents were correct. "Clark is the most amazing person I've ever met, and your guidance helped make him into the man he is." Eh, I'm tired of thinking about how awful the Fortress AI is, so I'll let it pass. Jor-El is worried that Clark isn't the only one he's influenced. "Perhaps I played a part in making Zod the man he became." Chloe thinks it was Zod's choice to become a monster. Jor-El considers Chloe for a moment with narrowed eyes before the sound of a door opening downstairs distracts him. He looks over the loft railing and, apparently not liking what he sees, reaches over to grab the side of Chloe's neck. He totally does a Vulcan nerve pinch on her. (Ah, I bet that's what happened to Shelby...) Chloe winces, then falls unconscious into his arms. Downstairs, a team of Tess's minions are stalking into the barn, guns raised. Jor-El comes up behind one of them and quietly gives him a nerve pinch. He turns as another minion approaches. He reaches up to grab this minion by the neck, but a third minion tasers him in the back. He drops like a sack of Kryptonian potatoes.
Luthor mansion, night. Tess has Jor-El handcuffed in the wine cellar. She apologizes for the crap accommodations. He wants to know who she is. "A friend," she says. Jor-El: "We both know that's not true." Tess explains she kidnapped him in order to protect both him and Kal-El. Jor-El accuses her of only wanting to protect herself. Dude, don't piss her off. She'll cut off your arms and legs and imprison you in her mansion forever! Tess explains to him the whole convoluted plot about Zod looking for the Blur and Tess letting Zod think that Jor-El is the Blur. "Zod doesn't even know Kal-El exists," Tess says, obviously pleased with herself. Her eyes burn brightly. She tells Jor-El his son is safe -- for now. Jor-El doesn't understand why Tess is involved in any of this. Well, see, Michael Rosenbaum didn't want to sign on past the seventh season, so they needed someone to play the Lexian role of master manipulator and alien obsessive. Tess takes a seat on an upended wine crate and leans toward Jor-El, speaking earnestly about the Earth's impending doom at the hands of humankind. "Your race is the only answer to saving it," she says. Jor-El searches her face, but says nothing. She goes on: "That's why I released you from that orb." Her tone suggests she expects to be thanked for her deed, but Jor-El is horrified: "We are abominations that never should have been created!" Kind of like most of this season's episodes? Tess frowns. Jor-El thinks the Kandorians will destroy the planet if they ever get their powers. Tess perks up: "Not if they turn out like your son!" Jor-El thinks it's a mistake to think that his people are any different from humans. "Our sacred book of Rao teaches that where there is light, there is darkness," he says. Tess wants him to help her protect Kal-El from Zod just for that reason. Jor-El worries about Zod killing his son, with or without powers. Tess smiles slightly, having turned the conversation back onto the course she'd wanted. "If you want to save your son, you're going to have to make a sacrifice," she tells Jor-El. From out of the shadows, she pulls a replica of Clark's Emo Blur shirt and tells him he must convince the Kandorians that he's the Blur. He takes the shirt from her. Sad music of impending fatherly sacrifice plays. Jor-El gazes down at the S symbol on the shirt, then up at Tess. She cocks her head at him in question; he nods slightly in answer. Meanwhile, I'm wondering how Tess knows what Clark's Emo Blur shirt looks like. Isn't he supposed to be a mystery to people? Isn't that why he's the "Blur" and not the "Clearly Defined and Easily Seen Object"?
Kent barn. Clark finds Chloe lying unconscious on the sofa with a nice pillow under her head. It was considerate of Jor-El to make her comfy before he went to fight those minions. I hope that nerve pinch thing is one of the things the Fortress AI teaches Clark. Just think of how much easier it would be on the show's budget if Clark didn't have to throw people into walls all the time! Panicked, Clark shakes Chloe by the shoulders, calling her name. After a few shakes, she comes to, all bleary-eyed, and assures him she's fine. "Who did this to you?" he asks. She slowly sits up, still disoriented, and tells him it was Jor-El. Clark is hurt that his father came all the way to the farm but didn't stay to see him. Chloe frowns, concentrating, and says, "Before he knocked me out, it seemed he had some unfinished business, with someone else." Clark doesn't understand, because it's not like Jor-El knows anyone else in Smallville. Chloe tries to get him to focus on what's important, like the fact that he's not the only Kryptonian who came to Earth: "So did Zod." Clark looks mildly worried about this prospect.
Luthor mansion. Tess walks into the all-purpose office and finds Zod sitting by the lit fireplace. She complains about her "crack security" letting him in. You know, when you hire these "security" people, maybe you should make sure they understand you don't mean crack cocaine. Zod, getting up from the fire, says with faux amiability that they're partners, so why wouldn't they have let him in? Then he cuts the crap: "I just came to get a progress report on our friend Jor-El." "Let's just say the noose is getting tighter," Tess says, sounding just a little nervous. She goes to her desk and gives Zod the Turkish surveillance photos that show Jor-El's silhouette in the S-shield. She looks from the photos to Zod's face, trying to gauge his reaction. "This calls for a celebration," Zod says. Zod goes to pour two glasses of wine, saying, "This is my favorite discovery on your little planet." Then he quotes Shakespeare to her: "The wine-cup is the little silver well where truth, if truth there be, doth dwell." Tess smiles, impressed that he's done his reading. Zod cozies up to her, saying he finds Shakespeare amusing, but: "I find the pleasure I get from wine much more satisfying." He puts just that extra bit of emphasis on "pleasure" and "satisfying." He circles around her, slowly, until he's breathing down the nape of her neck. He talks about every sip of wine revealing some truth to him. (I bet he totally practiced this speech in the mirror before he went over there.) Tess turns to face him; they stand chest to chest. "Every time we're together, I discover something new," he says. "I can't wait to see what my sip will reveal." Hubba. But Tess is less swayed than I am, telling him that the truth is that she's not interested. She wants to keep things strictly professional. "The lady doth protest too much," Zod whispers, still all up in her personal space. She flirtatiously tells him she won't be revealing anything tonight. She takes one step back from him, glancing up at him from under her hair. Zod reaches around her to grab his coat, taking the opportunity to brush close against her again as he does so. He starts to leave the office, then stops in the doorway to drop a bomb: while they were drinking, he had his people grab Jor-El from the wine cellar. Tess, looking gut-punched, throws her wine glass at him. It shatters on the floor. Zod chuckles. I'm here going, "Well, that was disappointingly dumb of Tess, after she was so kickass last week!" But then as soon as Zod has left the room, Tess's expression of fury slowly gives way to a small, pleased smile. So, it was all a part of her plan. Sorry I doubted you, Tess! Don't kill me!
Watchtower. Clark and Chloe are in mid-conversation when they arrive with Oliver in tow. Clark shouts: "When you told me you could help me find my father, I didn't know it was because you wired my house!" Chloe explains she set up the cameras at the Kent house after he left to fight Doomsday. "I wanted to keep an eye on the place until you came home." Clark is still pissed. "I've been home for weeks and you didn't tell me anything about them." It's hard for me to work up much outrage when this show's moral compass is so screwed up. Clark looks to Oliver the cold-blooded murderer to back him up, but Oliver isn't taking sides. Chloe apologizes. "But I think the cameras may have recorded something that might lead us to your father." She pulls up the footage; it's everything from Jor-El putting the sleeper hold on her to his being abducted by the minions. Chloe, seeing this for the first time, realizes Jor-El wasn't trying to get away from her. Oliver concludes: "He sensed danger, he was trying to save you." Clark's nostrils flare with emotion. If you pause on just the right frame, I think you can see up to his brain. He surmises that Tess is the only one who would have sent those operatives to kidnap Jor-El. Oliver and Chloe try to keep him from rushing off and doing something he regrets, but Clark whooshes away without hearing them.
Zod's warehouse. Kandorian soldiers drag Jor-El inside and shove him to the floor. He's wearing the phony Blur outfit. He looks up as Zod approaches. "Hello, old friend," Zod says. Jor-El looks skeered.
After the commercials, we're back in the same warehouse. Jor-El is still kneeling on the floor where he'd been dropped. Zod circles around him, though not quite as sexfully as he did with Tess. "I've seen what you've done for the humans of Metropolis, it's time you did something for your own peephole!" I think he means "people." He demands Jor-El give them their powers, saying it's the least he can do, considering what happened the last time they met. A light over Jor-El's left shoulder flares and takes us to the flashback on Krypton, where he's emptying little ampoules of blood into a crystal console not unlike the one in the Fortress of Solitude. As the samples drain out, a beam of pinkish light radiates from the console. A lavender, multifaceted orb forms in the light and Jor-El plucks it from midair. He reaches into the console and pulls out a totally dildo-riffic blue crystal. I mean, there have been phallic crystals on this show before, but this one is... I mean, it's just... I'm having a hard time stopping laughing long enough to describe it. I... I think it's ribbed. There are soldiers in the background and I don't know how they're keeping from blushing. Jor-El thrusts the crystal dildo at the orb and a beam of light is emitted from its pulsing shaft. Satisfied the job is done, Jor-El puts the naughty blue crystal back in the console and places the orb on a stone podium. At this point, Zod walks in and the soldiers kneel as he passes. Jor-El informs him that the Council's demands have been met and the orb is ready. He also shows Zod the "Stones of Knowledge" that were part of that terrible "Lana is a witch" storyline a few years back. He says, "The teachings of the 28 galaxies will be available to our people should they ever be resurrected." All that's left to do is include their own DNA samples. Zod nods and looks uncharacteristically bashful. He's hesitant because he has to ask Jor-El for a favor. He reaches into the pocket of his uniform and pulls out a lock of blond hair from his son. He calls his son his "most precious treasure" and tells Jor-El this bit of hair is all he has left of him. Jor-El whispers a warning to him that the soldiers will see him. Zod puts an arm around Jor-El's shoulders and leads him away from prying eyes. His voice breaking, his begs his friend to bring back his little boy. "So I can hold him in my arms again," he says. Jor-El says there could be complications, or mutations. Zod begs him, but Jor-El says they can't change the past. "Think if you had a son," Zod pleads. Still, Jor-El refuses: "I'm truly sorry." Zod looks stricken for several long moments, then he collects himself and offers his arm to Jor-El for the blood sample to be taken. "You are as dead to me as my son," Zod tells him.
In the present day, Zod is punching the snot out of him. He demands that Jor-El defend himself but Jor-El just drops to the ground and admits he has no powers. He tells half a lie: "I used the blue kryptonite to take them away, the same way I corrupted the orb so that none of you couldn't rule this planet as gods." Zod demands to know how Jor-El harnessed the yellow sun's powers for himself. Jor-El, his face bloodied, refuses to tell him, so Zod punches him again. Zod shakes the pain out of his hand and paces. He spits out that Jor-El owes it to him. Jor-El tells Zod the backstory of their real selves, the ones whose DNA they were created from. They went on to have spouses and children. Zod went on to lead a military coup that destroyed the planet. Jor-El thinks this is their second chance, to start over on Earth and live among the humans. Zod dismisses the idea: "This is the same selfish morality that kept me from seeing my son again." Jor-El allows as to how Zod might be right, that if he'd given Zod what he wanted he wouldn't have destroyed Krypton. Zod quietly says that Jor-El betrayed him. "I feel your pain now, more than ever," Jor-El says. Somehow from this very tiny statement, Zod figures out that Jor-El understands his pain because he now has a son. Jor-El needs Lady Gaga to teach him a thing or two about poker faces, because his is total crap. His pained expression confirms that Zod has guessed correctly. Zod also concludes that the S-shields are the work of Jor-El's mysterious son, that he didn't come in the orb, and that Jor-El is trying to protect him. Zod goes to get his soldiers to release Jor-El: "He will lead us to the one who will give us our powers -- his son."
Luthor mansion, predawn. Tess is working at her laptop when Clark bursts in through the doors. He doesn't bother with a greeting, but gets right to business: "Where is he?" He's checked every LuthorCorp facility and the mansion, and hasn't found Jor-El. Tess plays dumb, but Clark's not buying it; he knows she's had people all over the world looking for the aliens. "The only alien I know is standing in front of me," she says. He grabs her by the throat and lifts her a clean two feet off the ground. She gasps and claws at his hand, but he holds tight. He demands to know where his father is. This is a pretty gross and disturbing thing for Clark to be doing, but even worse is how not upset Tess is right now. She's even happy and a little awed: "I've waited so long for you to admit your true Kryptonian heritage." She says she always hoped he would tell her because trusted her, but that she'll take what she can get. Does this sound like the same woman who refused to be toyed with and treated like a lesser being by Zod? I think not. And yet here she is, practically giddy that Clark is manhandling her. He releases her and asks one more time about Jor-El. Finally, she admits that Zod has him. Clark looks worried, but Tess tells him not to worry, because there's a tracking device on Jor-El's clothes. She looks up at him like she's waiting for a pat on the head or a tasty Milk Bone. Clark thinks she's using Jor-El as bait to find the others. "I was just protecting you," she says. He grabs her by the shoulders and shoves her toward her laptop, barking at her to "find him." A few keystrokes later and she's found Jor-El at the Kent farm. Clark superzips away in front of Tess, to her obvious and creepy delight.
Kent farm. Clark slows to a stop by the fence. He sees a man running across a distant field and smiles. "Jor-El?" he says to himself. Jor-El starts to fall and Clark is instantly by his side, catching him before he hits the ground. He sees a bloody gaping wound in Jor-El's side. Jor-El struggles for breath. "Who did this to you?" Clark asks. Jor-El: "I don't know." Clark tells him to hold on, he'll go get help, but Jor-El is expiring faster than a tub of warm potato salad at a Fourth of July picnic. He clutches at Clark's arm. "I'm so proud of you," he says. Clark begs him not to go. "I can save you!" "Save Zod," Jor-El says. He touches Clark's face, smiles, and the light goes out of his eyes. He goes limp and Clark clasps him to his chest. Sad music plays as the camera pans up and away to show them alone in the field.
OK, pausing from the recapping action here for a moment. Doesn't it seem like a scene is missing somewhere between Zod letting Jor-El go, and Clark finding Jor-El half-dead? There's supposed to be a mystery surrounding who shot J.R. -- er, I mean, Jor-El -- what with him pointedly saying he doesn't know who wounded him. But it feels like they needed a scene of Jor-El being attacked, even if we didn't get to see his attacker. The mystery feels less mysterious and more accidental. Anyway, back to the recap.
Kent farmhouse. Clark and Oliver are standing on the front porch for another therapy session. Clark is saying that when his father died (meaning Jonathan), he at least had memories of being on the farm with him. "But with Jor-El being going, I'm left with is..." He trails off and Oliver finishes for him: "...an empty feeling inside." Clark nods. He's holding Jor-El's dog tag, regarding the symbols etched on both sides. He says there were so many questions he wanted to ask, to find out what kind of man he really was. Oliver says that after the way he saved "our spunky sidekick," he thinks that Jor-El is a hero like Clark. Pshaw. I bet he never dangled a woman from his fist like a ragdoll, the wuss. Clark doesn't think he'll ever live up to everything Jor-El accomplished. Oliver: "I don't think anyone wears that super shield quite like you." With Clark's chest taking up the entirety of the left side of the screen, it totally looks like Oliver is eyeballing his pecs. Clark seems doubtful. He's also angry that Jor-El died protecting him. He's got Chloe analyzing all the surveillance footage from the farm to try to figure out what really happened. Oliver pauses awkwardly and clears his throat a bit. He knows he and Clark haven't always seen eye to eye, but... "I've got your back -- always." "Good," Clark says, "because I'm going to need your help to figure out who killed my father and bring them to justice." They exchange intense looks of agreement.
Watchtower. Chloe's hard at work at the computers, sorting through the video footage. One clip in particular shows Jor-El inside the farmhouse, opening a small panel in the wall. "Jor-El, you lied to me," Chloe says. "You had another reason for coming to Smallville." She focuses the shot on Jor-El's hands as he pulls a Kryptonian octagon from the wall. Ominous music plays. Seriously, though, no one found that thing in the 50 years since he visited the farm?
Peaceful lake, sunset. Clark stands on the shore under the spreading branches of a particularly lovely tree. This is apparently where he's buried Jor-El, because he uses his laser vision to burn an S-shield onto a tombstone. Without even glancing around first to make sure he wasn't followed. What if people were boating nearby or having a picnic, dude? Way to keep your super secret powers under wraps. "I'm sorry," Clark says to dead daddy. "I can't give you want you want." The camera pulls back to show Zod watching Clark some fifty feet away. He's not even trying to hide, either. He's just standing there, in the open, watching Clark be stupid. Clark is still talking to dead daddy: "I can't save Zod. You might remember him as a friend, but I know what he becomes." He frowns, then looks up as if he sees something, but when he looks around... Zod has vanished. Does Zod have superspeed all of a sudden? Did he hide behind a bush? Did he cover his head with a towel and render himself invisible to Clark? Only time will tell.
week: The damned Wonder Twins.
Tippi Blevins feels like a slacker because she's been on Earth a lot longer than Zod and can't quote nearly as much Shakespeare. You can send your questions and comments to b_tippi@yahoo.com.