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Chloe and Jimmy are hanging out, one week before their wedding, when our bride-to-be begins to lose memories of her engagement party. As we look at the memory of that night, objects in the room are being replaced by weird computer code until finally, the man she was dancing with, Jimmy, disappears, too. Chloe comes back from the memory and can't remember Jimmy at all. Let the Amnesialympics begin! Jimmy goes to Clark for help. Chloe remembers him, but can't conceal the fact that she's forgetting everyone else in her life and has to keep a meticulous Wall of Chloe's Weird Life at the As-Is Foundation just to keep everybody's names straight.
Davis, meanwhile, is looking for help from Chloe, but keeps getting the brush-off. He gets the sense that something's wrong with Chloe and tries to help her. He also tells Jimmy, who is very freaked out by Chloe's memory loss, that he won't be able to attend the wedding.
Clark decides to use the blue crystal to rebuild the Fortress of Solitude, even though using it last time sent him to the Phantom Zone. He's convinced it's the only way to save Chloe's memory, which they realize is being taken over by computer code from Brainiac. Everything is being replaced by the Kryptonian symbol for "Doom." Before Clark can get to the Fortress, Chloe's memory of Clark's powers is erased. Clark heads out to the Fortress, which is implausibly rebuilt this time with no problems. Jarnelle and Clark discuss matters of Chloe and Brainiac, and Jarnelle is impressed that Clark is being so mature about all this. Clark is impressed that Jarnelle was willing to give up his own son to save Earth. Aw, go play Kryptonian catch, you two. Clark wants to restore Chloe's memory and get rid of Brainiac. Jarnelle warns him that there may be grave consequences.
Jimmy, alarmed that Clark left Chloe alone at the barn, takes her to the hospital. An MRI shorts out the machine and Chloe loses one of her most precious memories -- a kiss she gave Clark when they were both much younger. She drags Clark through several memories, a la Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind but eventually loses him, too. Only one person remains in her brain: Davis. Chloe, terrified, finds Davis, and he takes her back to Smallville in hopes that seeing Clark and Jimmy will jog her memory. It doesn't, so Davis sedates her with a shot. While Chloe is unconscious, Clark zips her out of there and to the Fortress, where Jarnelle is able to bring Chloe back to normal. Clark asks him to take away any of her memories of Clark's powers or anything Kryptonian in order to rid himself of the burden of feeling guilty about Chloe keeping his secret. Even after she'd told him she wouldn't trade that for anything. It's complete bullshit and a violation of their friendship, but Clark is too stupid to realize that. So the mindwipe continues and Chloe now has no recollection of her years working with Clark (and Oliver for that matter). Way to fuck your best friend over, Clark. Chloe goes back to being oblivious and planning her wedding with Jimmy. But there's one hitch: Davis wishes he'd never brought her back to Jimmy and Clark and professes his love for her. He says he'll wait as long as it takes and won't ever let her go. He kisses her and Chloe cuts it off before it gets too hot or too heavy.
Clark goes back to the Fortress and thanks Jarnelle for saving Chloe. He even calls him "Father," which is nice, except that right after Clark exits, Jarnelle calls for his son as black goo that came out of Chloe's ear begins to infect the Ice Dildos and the entire Fortress. Apparently, Brainiac is not gone completely and he has a warning for us: "Doomsday is coming!" he says.
Want more? The full recap starts right below! We open on a close-up of a hand. But it's a cute hand, not a marauding disembodied hand (like in that one movie about the hand that went around killing people. I think it was called... The Hand?). Given the engagement ring on the appropriate finger, it's safe to guess that the hand belongs to Miss Chloe Sullivan. And it's not a man-hand, thank goodness. We pan up the arm and see a sleeping Chloe. She slowly stirs. Jimmy enters the room carrying a tray and breakfast-in-bed for his beloved. He's even got a flower in there. Aw, Jimmy. You're not totally useless every once in a blue moon. He also has a big French press container of coffee for their "Wedding Day Countdown" blend. He mixed two kinds of beans together. We've secretly switched hapless Jimmy Olsen with someone who doesn't fuck up everything he touches! Will Chloe notice? Let's watch... Jimmy, sitting on the bed, pours her a cup. Shit, nobody brings me coffee in bed. I bet my productivity would soar! I could recap the same episode twice in one week! Jimmy tells her that it's one week until the wedding (really!?) and they're still getting RSVPs. Welcome to having a wedding. I'm still waiting on some RSVPs for our wedding and it was four years ago. Chloe says the slow-responders must have never had to deal with the challenge of a seating chart. Jimmy says one of their invited guests continues to be conspicuously absent. Chloe doesn't know what he's talking about. "Lana?" he asks. I would imagine that Lana would be part of Chloe's wedding party. How is it possible they haven't had any e-mail exchanges or phone calls about it? I guess the events of the rest of the episode will explain that mystery, but it still seems weird that Lana wouldn't have at least asked if she's supposed to bring anything or offer to help. I guess we'll find out more about that week. Chloe looks blank. "Who?" she asks. I only wish I could forget all the years that Lana tortured me with her wispy nothingness. Jimmy chuckles. He recaps: "Long-time friend, drama with Clark, left town in a hurry, apparently never to be heard from again." Cut her some slack. She's Chun-Li, man! "Right... Lana," Chloe says, unconvincingly. She pretends she didn't hear Jimmy even though he's RIGHT THERE. He asks if she's all right. Jimmy says Chloe's been pretty forgetful lately. He thinks the florist is going to give them potted ferns if Chloe forgets her name gain. Wasn't Lana's aunt, Nasty Nell, a florist? You'd think Chloe could have cut a deal with her. Chloe says she's distracted and has pre-wedding jitters. Eh, not the kind of thing you want to tell the guy who just brought you breakfast. Jimmy takes her hand. He assures her that the hard part is over. Season Five? Yeah, that was a pretty rough time. After syndication, it's all good. Jimmy asks her to think of the wedding as one big "Fiesta to us." He also could have said "Fiesta de us" and that would have been only slightly cuter. Jimmy says it'll be just like the engagement party, but with more people. And, you know, vows and stuff.
Suddenly, we hear what sounds like electricity buzzing as Chloe flashes to an image of her ring and then to the engagement party. She's all dressed up and handing out cake. Jimmy comes up behind her, hugging her. He tells her they should take a little break and he just needs two minutes alone with her. Chloe thinks the night has gone by faster than the flash of a camera. Jimmy says that's why they can't miss this dance. They dance. "I love you, Jimmy," she tells him. He's a tiny bit stunned. More dancing. Chloe holds him closer. Suddenly, more electricity crackles. The lights go out and people in the room begin disappearing one-by-one. We see weird flashes of light as it happens. Chloe asks Jimmy what's going on. She says this isn't how that night happened. Everyone is gone. Chloe looks to Jimmy and his face has been replaced by a blank landscape of skin. Creepy! Chloe backs away. Jimmy disappears too in a flash of green energy. He's replaced by a weird symbol that looks like it came out of Transformers. He was a Decepticon the whole time! Chloe looks around. Green bits of energy seem to be floating in the air. Everything goes dark and out of control. The camera pulls back and we see lines of green code across the screen. One more bright green flash and we're pushed back to the present.
Chloe sits in bed, holding her head. Jimmy asks if she's all right. He says she blanked out for a second. She backs away and hops off the bed. "Get out of my apartment," she says. He says it's him, Jimmy, her fiancé. "I think I'd remember my own fiancé!" she says, "I've never seen you before in my life." Wow. She says it with absolute certainty. Alternating close-ups on the two of them. Somewhere, James Garner from The Notebook says, "Yep, it's a bitch, ain't it?"
Opening credits. Commercials. In keeping with the hand theme from earlier, McDonald's is asking you to come give "A Hand" this week.
Kent Farm. The cows have long been sold off to make T-Bone steaks. Clark is lying down in the kitchen, fixing the plumbing under the sink. He roughly pulls off a pipe, stripping all the threading. Nice one, Clark. You're no Joe the Plumber and ever since Lex left, you're really slacking in the laying pipe department. Jimmy comes in without knocking. "Code red!" he says. Yeah, I think this kitchen is about to flood. Jimmy says his whole world just fell apart. Clark stands up and asks him to slow down and tell him what's going on. Is a bright red shirt really the most appropriate thing to wear for maintenance work? Jimmy says that he thought as Chloe's future husband he could steer their ship through any kind of weather, but he just got hit with a major "Bridal wave." Oh, for fuck's sake. WHO TALKS LIKE THIS!? I'm sure I'm not the only one, but when I hear crap dialogue it hurts my ears the way people who are musically inclined get an earache from dissonant notes. Clark says the wedding is a week away. He thinks she's probably just stressed. Jimmy says that's what he thought, too, but she's been forgetting things. Jimmy says it started small, but today, Chloe didn't even recognize him. Maybe you're just that forgettable. Close-up on Clark. He asks if Jimmy noticed any other symptoms. Did she suddenly give up journalism for no good goddamned reason? Maybe she was body-snatched by Lois. That seems pretty plausible. Jimmy says she calmed down when he showed Chloe a picture of the two of them together, but he still doesn't think she remembers him. Jimmy says Chloe used to have a medical condition that gave her a special ability. Clark knows about it already: her healing power. Jimmy says he figured Chloe told Clark about that (but doesn't say it in a jealous way). He asks if Clark thinks it might have led to brain damage. For the writers? He thinks they should get Chloe to a doctor. He asks Clark to talk to Chloe. He thinks that Chloe's memory may have left him at the altar, but that she might still remember Clark. Clark doesn't look like he's looking forward to that conversation.
Metropolis view from overhead. Chloe walks in to Metropolis General, which is looking more and more like Smallville Medical Center. She asks a woman at a desk where she can find the hospital library. The woman, who is unusually chatty, asks if Chloe is an intern. "Medical student," Chloe replies, "Met U." The woman asks what lucky topic Chloe took up. Chloe says she's studying "Memory loss, synaptic shack (shock?), you know, your basic brain drain." I would kind of dig living in a synaptic shack. Chloe says she tried to find research online, but the cutting-edge stuff seems to be at this hospital. Lucky, that. The woman directs Chloe to the second floor and wishes her good luck. On her way, Chloe runs into Davis. He says he was just thinking about her. Dude, you think about her 24/7, so I don't think it's even worth mentioning. Chloe says he looks exhausted. Thanks? He actually looks fine to me. Yummy, even. She asks if he's working night shifts. He says it's more like Night of the Living Dead, a bit of pointless dialogue inserted only to allow Chloe to tell him not to let his brains get eaten by zombies. Or Brainiacs, for that matter. Chloe remembers that she was supposed to do some research for Davis. She says her crystal ball is on the fritz. Davis says he'd like to cancel the séance altogether. Maybe they should both consult Omarstradamus! Davis says he's decided to let the past rest in piece. You can go get married now, Chloe. What kind of friend asks someone to do a job for them so soon before their wedding? Davis says there's something else he wanted to talk to her about, something he's been thinking about since the day they met. Chloe abruptly cuts him off. "You know what, Davis," she begins and tells him that now is not a good time. Did she sense he was about to pour out his heart? It's not like Chloe to completely forget her manners or bulldoze over someone's feelings. That's Lois's job. Davis, taken aback by the brush-off, says, "Got it." But Chloe has already walked past him. He asks if everything is all right with Chloe and Jimmy. "Jimmy?" she asks, not remembering him at all. Then she remembers. "Oh, right, fiancé!" she says. Davis, concerned, says that Chloe's been there for him a lot and that he can be there for her now. She tells him that her brain is just a little fried right now. "Literally," she says. She says she'll talk to him later. The elevator door closes on her. Davis blows some air in slight frustration.
As-Is Foundation. Chloe is speed-reading through a giant coffee table book called Symptoms & Treatments of Amnestic Disorder. Worst pop-up book ever. You know, I actually lost my disc of Radiohead's Amnesiac. I wonder if the two things are related. Chloe has also forgotten what humans wear, because she has on the most garish top ever. It's like somebody threw paint on a black shirt and then sent it to Miami. She hears Clark call after her from the room. Quickly, she scurries to put the book in a drawer so Clark won't see it. She also uses a remote to close the command center. She calls for Clark. He comes in, saying he's been looking all over for her. He says that Jimmy filled him in on the scary memory loss. Chloe says that Jimmy is overreacting. Modern brides marry complete strangers all the times these days! It's fun!
"So you do know who he is," Clark says. Chloe rattles off traits of Jimmy as she walks away. Cute smile, photographer, reddish hair, likes to wear bowling shirts. Also, gigantic dork. "What about 'Fiancé'?" Clark asks. Chloe remembers the date and time of the wedding. Clark tells her she sounds like she's reading off a list. He's concerned. She claims she's just distracted. By what? She blames last-minute wedding plans. Clark asks why she closed the bookcase when he walked in. "Research," she says, "therapist-client privilege." Except that Chloe's not a therapist by any stretch of the imagination. Clark sees the remote on the desk. He reaches for it. Chloe gets it first and tells him to "Please, just don't." Chloe makes more lame excuses about the wedding. Clark goes straight to the command center's steel doors and pries them open. Inside, the walls are covered with paper clippings while the monitors each have profiles of the people in Chloe's life, including Bo Duke and MamaKent. I think you can take those down. Chloe says she knows it looks a little weird. It's a little Wall of Weird. Chloe says she's been drawing a few blanks. "A few," Clark says, with disbelief. Chloe says this whole room is like her crib sheet. She comes there to remind herself of how she's connected with people. Clark says there's something seriously wrong with her. Ya think? She says she still remembers Clark. And that's about it. She says she's forgotten almost everyone and is having to fake her feelings with people. She thinks soon there won't be anymore "I, Chloe." Just an I.Q. Clark says they both know what's happening. Chloe, near tears, says she's being taken over by Brainiac. Serious close-up of Clark. Oh yeah, Brainiac! Bad dude. We should do something about that.
Commercials. Arm & Hammer is getting environmentally conscious. I think that's a good thing for arms and for hammers!
The Talon, daytime. The American flag waves. Inside, Davis is walking up the stairs to Chloe's apartment. I think the better move is to hold a boombox outside her window. Davis takes a deep breath. He bends down to put something in the mail slot (at least I hope that's what he's doing). The door opens suddenly. Jimmy is there. Davis awkwardly stands. Davis walks in. Jimmy asks if he's holding his RSVP because a stamp would have saved him some time. Jimmy says Chloe's not here. Davis reveals that he ran into Chloe in the city and that she acted all weird. He asks how things are. Jimmy says it's just a "temporary detour." "You really... love her... don't you?" Davis asks. Yeah... he kinda... does. Thanks for asking. Jimmy obnoxiously quotes Sinatra: "She's all I long for. All I worship and adore. You know what I mean?" Davis, a bit touched by the Chairman of the Board (by proxy), says he does. Davis says he won't be making it to the wedding. Jimmy says that unlike some members of his family, he won't enjoy putting Davis's name in the "Regrets" pile. Jimmy reaches for the RSVP. Davis awkwardly keeps it to himself (it's a love note!) and asks Jimmy to tell Chloe he won't be coming. Jimmy says he will. Just before he leaves, Davis stops at the door. He tells Jimmy that Chloe is an amazing girl. "Take care of her," he advises. After Davis leaves, Jimmy whispers to himself, "That's what I'm trying to do."
Kent Farm. The cows are back! Praise be! I thought we'd lost them. Clark and Chloe are walking upstairs in the barn. "Brainiac always has an objective!" Clark declares. Maybe that's because he's a computer? Isn't that called programming? Clark asks if Chloe remembers anything from the morning when she lost her memory of Jimmy. No, Clark. That's why it's called "memory loss." Chloe says that every time she tries to think of someone she's lost, she gets a wave of Kryptonian symbols. As Chloe writes something down, Clark surmises that Brainiac is replacing her memories with Kryptonian data. Chloe says one symbol keeps repeating over and over. She shows Clark what she's drawn. It's that weird Decepticon-looking thing. Clark says it's the symbol for "Doom." Boosh! Chloe wonders if Brainiac is trying to send her a message. Was there also a symbol for, "Oh, and don't forget to pick me up some milk on your way back to Kandor"? Clark says that whatever Brainiac is doing, they need to stop it. Clark says that Jarnelle created Brainiac. When Kara lost her memory, Jarnelle restored it. He thinks he can take the giant blue crystal to the arctic and restore the Fortress of Solitude. Good plan, Clark. Remember what happened last week? Clark pulls out the crystal from its little case and holds it up. I'm not sure even touching that thing is wise at this point. Chloe thinks Jarnelle might also strip Clark of his powers or drop an ice castle on him. Clark says it doesn't matter. He has to do this. Why, again? Chloe, mad, says this is exactly why she didn't reveal things to Clark sooner. She says she knew Clark would "Fly off" without thinking of the consequences. I think you left out a word or two there. "Fly off the handle," right? Oh, wait, it was a lame anvil. I get it now. Well not-played.
Chloe reminds Clark what happened last week. She says Lex might have sent him the crystal in an effort to continue to try to control him. Clark says none of this would have happened if Chloe hadn't protected his secret. Is he blaming her now? Clark says everyone who knows his secret has either gone away or died. Bo Duke, Pete, Lana, Papa Luthor, even Lex, Clark says. He doesn't want his secret to also destroy Chloe's life. Chloe says that the night she saw Clark lift a car with his hands, it changed her life: for the better. She says that thanks to Clark, she's made an impact on the world. "I wouldn't trade that for anything," Chloe says. Ah, well, then you're not going to like the end of this episode too much. Something begins to flash blue. It's the "Doom" symbol again. Chloe stops what she's saying. Things start to shake and break down. "Chloe," Clark says. We flash back to Chloe watching Clark about to get run down by a car. "Get out of the way," she whispers. The car hits a ramp, flips over and Clark catches it. Yay! As Chloe watches, however, the car disappears from Clark's hands. Clark turns to her. More computer-code flashing. Chloe runs to him. We return to the present. Chloe is holding her head as Clark is trying to bring her back, saying her name. She winces, saying her head feels like a volleyball at the Summer Olympics. Clark leads her to the couch. He asks if she lost another memory. Silly question. How would she know? Chloe thinks she didn't lose the memory completely that she was having. She thinks the more she thinks about someone, the more her mind tries to give them a mental scrubbing. Clark says that right before she blanked out, they talked about the time she learned about Clark's abilities. "Abilities?" Chloe asks. Uh-oh. Chloe only remembers Clark standing in the middle of the road. She doesn't remember the car and asks if Clark was hit by a vehicle that night. She's starting to lose bits of Clark, too. Clark asks if she remembers "Kal-El." Nope. No Krypton either, but Chloe remembers being called "Brainiac" as a kid. She asks Clark what it is that's important that she's not remembering. Chloe says it isn't going to stop, and she's going to lose everything. Clark asks Chloe to trust him. He says he's going to go get someone who can help. Chloe doesn't want to be left alone. She's worried she'll forget all about Clark while he's gone. Clark goes to his bookshelf and brings back a Smallville High yearbook. There's a picture of Younger Clark and Younger Chloe together. The headline reads, "Best Buds." Clark promises he won't let anything happen to Chloe. He zips away. Chloe doesn't know what just happened, even though the wind blew her hair. "Clark?" she calls.
The arctic. The Fortress of Solitude rebuilds itself. Clark watches it grimly. The ice castle housing market sucks right now.
Commercials. A movie about teen vampires? Twilight? I really don't have any clue about this. Is it like Harry Potter with fangs? [Oh, Omar. - Zach]
The Barnness of Abandonitude. Chloe is still sitting, staring at pictures from the yearbook. Jimmy comes up the stairs to the loft. "It's me... Jimmy?" he says, sadly. He says he brought some photos of the two of them together. Chloe, without much warmth, says she remembers him. "You recognize me?" he asks. Chloe just shrugs. She apologizes for her "Attack of the Bridezilla" from that morning. Jimmy, excited, runs to her and hugs her tightly. Chloe does not respond in kind. Mid-hug, Jimmy realizes that she's not "feeling the love." Chloe blinks a few times. She says she's not feeling much about anything these days. She says all her friends are like random Facebook profiles. [Hey, she remembers Facebook! - Zach] Chloe tells him that Clark is the only person she still has memories intact for. Jimmy, disappointed, says he figured she'd have forgotten stuff about Clark before she forgot about the man she's about to marry. Have you seen the guy she's about to marry? Jimmy backs off from that when Chloe shoots him a look. He says it's good that she doesn't have total amnesia. "Yet," she says. Jimmy wants her to see a doctor. He's already scheduled an appointment with one of the best neurologists in Metropolis. Did that person used to work for Lex? Chloe says that Clark told her to stay there while he went to look for help. Jimmy doesn't know why Clark left her alone, but he wants to get her some real help. Chloe is conflicted. "He said to trust him," she says. Jimmy hands her the photos he brought. He says they can't bring back emotion, but that they don't lie either. I wonder if she remembers the concept of "Photoshopping." Chloe flips through what look like recent engagement photos. He says she once trusted him enough to marry him. He asks her to trust him now. Chloe blinks and gulps.
The Fortress. Hey, did they install some new track lighting? This place could use some nice curtains. "Welcome home, my son," Jarnelle says. Clark, douchey, says, "Home?" He says he wanted to learn more about his family and his destiny, but Jarnelle tore it all away. Jarnelle says he programmed the Fortress to self-destruct and remove Clark's powers if he posed a danger to the planet. That's a bit of revisionist history, isn't it? Clark, shamed, says that he was sent to Earth with no clear indication of what he would do with his powers. "You trusted me," he says. Clark says that when he betrayed Jarnelle's trust, his father was willing to sacrifice his only son to save the planet. He kind of digs that. Clark says he knows now what it means to protect people, not just family and friends. Jarnelle, impressed, says that Clark has made great progress. Clark says one thing hasn't changed: "You call me your son, but you treat me like your enemy." What? Fuck you, son! You're grounded! Now go lie down in this snake pit I've made for you. Clark says it's time for Jarnelle to stop punishing him and start trusting him again. Jarrnelle says that Clark has grown up and that his trials have matured him. Clark says his trials aren't over. There might be a whole other season left. Clark says that Brainiac isn't dead. In fact, dude is taking over his friend's life and he needs help. Jarnelle says he can translate the Kryptonian code in Chloe's brain back into human memories. Wow, Jarnelle is a programmer. He works for the Krypton branch of Microsoft. Jarnelle says that Brainiac, however, is highly unpredictable and still poses a threat to all of them. He says there's no way of knowing the outcome. He asks if Clark is willing to take that chance. Clark thinks about it, but doesn't answer. Maybe?
Metropolis General. Chloe is lying on a pad, about to be inserted into an MRI machine. Chloe asks the doctor, a very genial-looking dude with a British (or is it Australian?) accent, if he has advice for a rookie. He tells her to just relax and think of a happy place. He slides Chloe into the machine and goes to the computer to start the process. As Chloe closes her eyes, the doctor's two computer screens begin filling up with green symbols. "Doom" symbol flashes. We see scenes of a younger Chloe and a younger Clark kissing. Then we flash to the barn loft. Chloe and Clark, played by younger actors, are apparently just getting home from school. "Wow!" Tween Chloe says. She likes the set-up of the loft. She's wearing a little sweater vest and has insanely flippy hair. Clark is wearing, of course, an untucked blue flannel shirt. Tween Chloe asks if Tween Clark uses his telescope to spy on unsuspecting neighbors. Nervously, he tilts the telescope to point up to the sky. He says he likes looking at the stars. Aw, his voice is changing. Annoyingly, Tween Chloe says that she guesses he is a gentleman farmer. "Emerson and Thoreau have nothing on you." She smiles nervously. She says she spends way too much time reading. She's wearing a little green and blue flower pin in her hair. Tween Clark says he loves reading. He tells her that he doesn't have a lot of time to make friends because his father keeps him busy with chores. Tween Chloe reveals that her mother left when she was very young. She says she was afraid to make friends after that because she was afraid they would all leave, too. So she read books. Tween Chloe says she lost one of her favorites when she moved: Tales of the Weird & Unexplained. She stares out the large window, saying she doesn't think she'll see much weird or unexplained stuff in Norman Rockwell's neighborhood. As she's turned away, we hear a familiar whoosh. You would think the whoosh would be a higher pitch given Tween Clark's smaller body. When Chloe turns, Clark is back. He says the town is more than dairy cows. He tells her they have a pretty good public library. He points to the table where a copy of the book is sitting. It's by Aleya Naiman. Tween Chloe goes to him and kisses him on the lips. He asks what that was for. She says that she knows he's been thinking about it all day. She wanted to get it out of the way so they could be friends. Things flash to dark again. The camera sails around the two of them. Objects and furniture start disappearing one-by-one in the room. "Oh no, it's happening again!" Tween Chloe says. She grabs Clark's hand and leads him down the stairs. The stairs disappear as soon as they pass over them. A tractor is lifted up, crashing through the ceiling. Hay bales sail away. Chloe says she has to pull Clark out of here and get him into another memory. They run. The two of them disappear and grown-up Chloe appears in the basement of The Daily Planet. "Dark Thursday!" she says to herself. That's pretty much every Thursday with a new episode for me. Clark shows up. He asks what's going on since all the streetlights are out. Objects around them begin to disappear. A coat rack is lifted up. Chloe says that no memory is safe. The wall behind them collapses. Desks and papers fly toward the vortex. Chloe grabs Clark's hand and they run. She tries to get Clark into an elevator. Seeing the room fall apart, Chloe hugs him. "I can't lose you, Clark!" she says, desperately. Clark says he'll never leave her. The elevator door opens and Clark is sucked into it. Kryptonian symbols swirl around him. "Clark!" she cries. The Doom symbol sails toward us. Chloe appears inside of it. More code swirls around her. She blinks.
Chloe is standing in the dark, still at the newspaper. She sees a shadowy figure walking toward her. We see who it is. "Davis?" she asks. He holds out his hand. Chloe takes it. More flashing of symbols. They stare at each other. As their hands touch, there's a white flash. We return to Chloe lying in the MRI machine. Chloe holds her head in pain. The doctor says her brainwave spiked when they put her in there. Chloe asks where she is. "You don't remember?" the doctor asks. Chloe shakes her head. She says she doesn't remember anything but Davis. "I have to find Davis," she says and starts to get up. Davis!
Commercials. More bars in more places. It's an alcoholic's dream.
Hospital, daytime. Davis comes around the side of his sweet rig, getting his gear in order. Chloe, who didn't have very far to walk, finds him. She throws her arms around him and gives him a huge hug of relief. Davis makes a joke about how the hug is tighter than the tourniquets he ties. Chloe says she's in trouble and needs his help. She says she doesn't remember her own zip code or who her parents are. That's all right. The show also forgot that she has a father named Gabe. Chloe says she only remembers her own name and Davis. Davis asks her to relax and breathe. As Chloe hyperventilates, Davis asks if she might have been in an accident. Chloe doesn't think so. She's got 10 toes, 10 fingers and isn't in any pain. She says her memory's just gone. Davis asks how Chloe knew to find him. She says she's not sure, but he's the only person she still remembers. She says it's like Davis has become her entire world. Wow. Not a good thing to say to someone you're trying to brush off. Davis, to his credit, doesn't take advantage. He says they need to call her friends. Chloe says she can't remember her friends and doesn't trust anyone but him. "I'm so scared! What's happening to me?" she says. Davis says not to worry. He says she's safe. The hug again as Chloe cries and thanks him. He repeats what he said that morning. He tells her he'll always, always be there for her. Big sigh of relief from Chloe.
The Talon apartment. Jimmy is chewing out someone on the phone and threatening lawsuits. Clark, whooshing from outside, enters the apartment. He asks where Chloe went. Jimmy says he took her to the hospital to get an MRI, but the hospital lost her. Why didn't Jimmy stay with her instead of coming back to Smalllville? What the fuck, Jimmy? Jimmy says she ran away as soon as they took her out of the machine. Well, good thing you drove two hours away from where it happened. Clark asks why Jimmy took Chloe out of the barn. Jimmy shoots back, asking why Clark left her alone when her memory was "shedding pounds by the minute." Clark says he went to talk to someone who could help. Vague, Clark. Very vague. He says Chloe was in no condition to make the trip. Jimmy calms down. He says he should never have let her out of his sight. True dat, Jimmy. Clark tries to make Jimmy feel better, telling him it was out of his control. Jimmy worries that she's wandering around alone. He worries they'll never find her. Clark promises they can find her if they work together. What's gonna work? Teamwork! Clark thanks Jimmy just as the big, dumb alien is leaving. Clark nods back.
As Clark walks downstairs, Davis and Chloe have shown up. "I think that they're closed," Chloe says, as they stand in the coffee shop downstairs. Clark figures Chloe doesn't recognizes him. He reminds her that she lives upstairs in her own apartment. "Why did you bring me here? You promised me I could stay with you," she tells Davis. Davis explains that Clark is one of her best friends. Chloe insists that she only remembers Davis. Davis promises that she's safe here. Jimmy comes down the stairs and sees Chloe. He starts to go to her, but Chloe holds up a hand and backs away, claiming she doesn't know him. Back when I was single, I lost more girlfriends like this than I could count. Clark tells her that it's her fiancé. Chloe says, "Stay away from me!" and tries to run, but Davis catches her and sticks a needle right in her neck. Ouchie! Jimmy catches her and asks what Davis just did. Davis says she has full-blown amnesia and could have run away. He brought a sedative. Needle in the HEY! "Any idea why she remembers you?" Clark asks, accusingly. Hey, you left her in a fucking barn, smart guy. Davis doesn't know, but says Chloe was scared out of her mind. He brought her there because he thought seeing them might jump-start her mind. Jimmy sincerely thanks Davis for bringing her home. Davis says it's no problem (I have a feeling it was a big problem) and that this is where she belongs. Davis leaves them. He asks them to call if they need him. Jimmy decides they need to take her to Smallville Medical Center. [Because it's a much more advanced facility than the Metropolis Hospital? - Z] Clark offers to bring his truck around if Jimmy wants to get some of her stuff. Jimmy runs upstairs. Instead of getting the truck, Clark kneels down to Chloe. He picks her up. Road trip!
Clark is carrying Chloe into the Fortress. "Time is of the essence, Kal-El!" Jarnelle says. Yeah, yeah, old man, I'm hurrying. Shut your interstellar pie-hole. Clark lays Chloe down and puts his jacket over her. He says she never would have gotten hurt if she wasn't protecting his secret. Jarnelle says he tried to warn Clark about the danger of sharing his true identity. More fixing, less lecturing, all right? Clark says that now that he's taking more risks, it's ever more dangerous for Chloe. Clark thinks Chloe deserves a life free from the burden of his secret. Uh-oh. What's going on in that big, empty brain of yours, Clark? "When you restore her memory, I don't want her to remember anything about Krypton," Clark says. Dick! "Or my abilities," he adds. Even dickier! What are you doing!? Jarnelle says he knows this choice isn't easy for Clark. He calls him "My son." But, Jarnelle says, it will be done. Clark kneels. He touches Chloe's hair. "You've been the best friend and ally I could have had, Chloe," he tells her. He says that Chloe saved him more times than he ever could have saved her. He kisses her forehead. "I'm sorry to go back to hiding the truth from you. But the best way that I know to protect you is to let you go," he says. The nearby ice dildos light up in agreement. They pulsate. Chloe's eyes open. The whites of her eyes fill with black. The black goo leaks out of her ear and onto the ice below. It pools and sinks into the ice. The entire Fortress lights up bright white as Clark stands there, being a huge, red-jacketed dick.
After nine straight episodes, I don't really have the energy to rant, but I'm gonna do it anyway. What the FUCK!? Chloe is the smartest person on the show and the only person who steers Clark in the right direction all the time. He needs her. And more importantly, he's taking away huge chunks of her life and memories by doing this. How does that make him any better than Brainiac at this point? Clark is being supremely selfish in the name of protecting someone. He doesn't want to be burdened with the guilt or the responsibility of trusting someone else and having them help protect him. The only thing that keeps this from taking the show in the complete wrong direction is that I have a feeling it won't last. Whatever's going on with Davis is going to somehow impact this decision. So I'd be even madder at Clark, the jerk, for doing this if I thought it was permanent. Because what a shitty thing to do with your friend when they just told you they wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the world. You just made your best friend irrelevant.
Commercials. Tic-Tacs are just mints that try harder.
We see curtains blowing by a window. It's the apartment at The Talon. Chloe and Jimmy are sitting on the couch going over their wedding reception seating chart. Chloe is impressed that Jimmy balanced singles and couples, kept exes separated and even kept the kids table away from the cake. She calls him the Zen master of seating charts. Jimmy says he's the master of musical chairs. But now he's sick of chairs. Chloe offers to live on the couch. Jimmy stares at her and says she's amazing. He says she made the fastest recovery in history. Chloe wonders what happened, too. She says after the needle, she only remembers waking up at the hospital, happy to see Clark and Jimmy. Jimmy wonders if Davis's knockout punch had anything to do with it. Clark walks in. He says it was a miracle, plain and simple. Chloe comes to hug him, calling him the best-looking best man in town. Clark is glad that things are back to the way they used to be. Chloe notices the time. She has to get to Metropolis to drop off a check to a florist. Clark offers to take it for her. Chloe says, "Are you kidding me? That's like a two-hour drive, and you drive like an old lady." Two hours. Mark it. Now we know how far it is from Metropolis to Smallville. Not that it matters on this show, of course. Jimmy offers to ride along with Chloe. She says she's perfectly fine on her own. She kisses Jimmy. She says Clark has a bunch of folding tables to deal with at the farm (they're getting married at the Kent Farm?!) and that she doubts Clark can handle all that by himself. Clark just smiles.
Outside The Talon. Chloe has a helmet in her hand. She walks to her yellow scooter. Davis is behind her. Chloe jokes that he might be sneaking up on her with a hypodermic needle. Davis apologizes for that. Chloe thanks him. She also mentions she heard Davis won't be at the wedding. She says she's really going to miss him. Davis says he lied about having to work that day. Chloe asks if it's because of the drama she put him through. Davis says it's not Chloe. He says she's beautiful. Davis says there's a lot in his life he doesn't understand, but he's sure how he feels about Chloe. She looks hurt. Davis says he can't go to the wedding because he can't watch her marry the wrong man. Chloe backs away a bit and says he needs to slow down and put his ambulance in reverse. Chloe admits they had an attraction when they first met. She says Davis is kind, saves people's lives and looks good in a uniform, so of course she's going to like him. But, she says, she loves Jimmy. "Do you? Do you really?" Davis asks. He says he brought her back to Jimmy even though he wanted to take care of her himself. He was being the bigger man. But then he realized that she came to him when she'd forgotten everyone else, including Jimmy and her best friend, Clark. "It was me," he says. He inches up closer to her. He says there's some sort of connection between them and he knows Chloe feels it, too. He touches her face. Leans in. They kiss. Chloe's into it, but cuts if off after a moment. Backing away, she says the connection was "Never this." She turns her back to him. Davis says he understands, but he's not ready to let her go. Chloe looks worried. Davis says he'll wait for as long as it takes. "You know where to find me," he whispers. As he walks away, Chloe looks around, unsure what to do.
Fortress. Clark calls for Jarnelle. He says he came to thank him for what he did. Clark thinks Chloe is much safer now that she doesn't know his secret. He says he's also realizing how much he actually lost. Nice one, dumbass. Jarnelle says Clark made a difficult choice. He's proud of Clark. He asks what else is troubling Clark. Clark says he knows they defeated Brainiac, but he's worried about the Kryptonian symbol for doom that Chloe kept seeing. Jarnelle fills Clark in: the symbol represents the ultimate destroyer, bred for a single purpose: to kill. He says it adapts and evolves to any attack and is virtually unstoppable. He says it seems to have made it to Earth. Oh shit! Clark thinks Brainiac was using Chloe as a vessel to contact this destroyer. Jarnelle says that if this is true, it's likely the creature will find her soon. Clark says that he'll take it on like he's taken on everything else. "I'm here for you as well, my son," Jarnelle tells him. "Thank you... Father," he says. Clark zips out before things can get too mushy. The camera zips into the ice dildo holder. We zoom inside and hear Jarnelle say, "My son? My son?" We see black goo surrounding the base of one of the ice dildos. "Your son," the voice of Brainiac says, "is destined to fail." What looks like a black koosh ball emerges from the goo and spreads to another crystal. They're all getting infected. Brainiac says that a new age of power and strength is coming to Earth and will also bring the fall of the House of El. We pull out and see that all the crystals are turning black. The virus spreads to the rest of the Fortress, which turns black. "Doomsday is coming," Brainiac says. On the floor is the doom symbol. And then it flashes across the screen at us for good measure. Scary times!
week: a major wedding crasher.
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-- Omar G. is a journalist and writer living in New Braunfels, Texas. Check out the new Web show he does with his brother, Pablo, "Trailers Without Pity." You can find him on Terribly Happy, Space Monkeys! and at Videogamey.com and hear him on NPR's new technology segment, "All Tech Considered," Mondays as part of All Things Considered.