Improbably, Lex, Lois, and Kara are all in Detroit together. Lex has apparently befriended the amnesiac Kara (who's been living as a waitress named Linda), while Lois has come to the rescue to expose Lex's charade. The whole thing is derailed, however, when a busboy who likes Kara tries to defend her from Lex, and the two shoot each other. Lex comes out of the deal worse off: he gets shot right in the head, which should kill him instantly, right? Not so fast. Thanks to the miracle of television narrative, Lex is anonymously transported from Detroit to Smallville Medical Center with a bullet lodged in his head and somehow, dude survives. What follows is even sillier: Lois and Kara are being held captive by the busboy, and Clark, Chloe, and Papa Luthor decide that the only way to find them is either to revive Lex or to use dangerous LuthorCorp technology to burrow into his memories. Say whaaaaa!?
Clark decides to go into Lex's brain to recover Kara and Lois's location. He's told that several people have died trying to use the technology. Clark thinks he's immune because he's super, but we all know his brain's not so invulnerable. Inside Lex's brain, Clark finds a sad little boy named Alexander, the last bit of humanity left in there. Alexander witnesses some pretty intense fighting between Mama and Papa Luthor over something called "the Veritas project." Clark finds Lois and Kara's location, but not before BrainLex discovers Clark in there and forces him to watch BrainLex do the nasty with a very willing memory of Lana. Dude, that's fucked up! Just as he's about to find his way out, Lex dies, taking Clark with him. Chloe uses her healing power to bring them both back, right in front of an amazed Papa Luthor. Clark is about to exit the brain, but little Alexander begs him not to go; the evil, grown-up Lex has been trying to kill Alexander off. Clark promises to look out for him and that they'll meet again. He goes to rescue Kara and Lois, which takes all of ten seconds.
Chloe -- dead for eighteen hours from using her healing power -- returns to life at the Talon apartment. She tells Clark that she's more confused than ever about her abilities, and doesn't know if she'll use them again. Clark visits Lex and tries to advise him to follow his good side. Lex isn't too thrilled with that idea. Papa Luthor -- still rattled by Lex's close call -- tells his son that he loves him. Lex, long-abused, isn't hearing much of that, either. But Lex does warm up to Kara, who still has amnesia and doesn't know about her own powers yet. She thinks that Clark is hiding something, and trusts Lex much more. Lex tells her that he's got a team of researchers who'll help her to recover her memories: he plans for them to find the truth together.
The writers' strike is over! Yay! But as far as this show goes, the bad news is that after this three-episode affair, the show goes back into hiatus for at least a few weeks. But we were just warming up! The engine was just reaching crankination! We were all greased up and...you know what? Let's hold that thought until March/April when there's more episodes.
We open on a city called "Detroit," if the title card is to be believed, but instead of real establishing shots, we're in a dark, rainy junkyard that could easily be "Warehouse For Rent, Vancouver." Foreboding, intrusive music tells us this scene isn't going to be a lighthearted romp through the soulful heart of Motown. Lightning flashes and thunder crashes. Improbably, we see Lex Luthor and Lois Lane running along together, having an adventure. Lex is holding a pistol in one hand and some gadget in the other. As Lois follows, she yells that this weather sucks. She asks Lex where they're going. Lex tells her to feel free to get lost. Lois says she never planned on being Lex's "Sundance Kid" ("Dumbshit Kid?"), especially not in the "Armpit of Motor City." The thought of Lois trapped in an actual armpit entertains me briefly. Lois asks what makes Lex think that Kara is here. Lex, still staring at his electronic device, says that Kara's necklace emits a GPS signal. He says that she's somewhere within a hundred yards. The PDA-like device shows a green-tinted map. "You LoJacked her?" Lois asks, accusingly. Lex says that Kara has amnesia and that she could wander off if she lost her memory again. That makes...no real sense, but Lois buys it completely. Lois decides to set off on her own to find Kara. It's not so hard when it's only 100 yards, is it, Lois?
Lex, who must have eyes like a robot, sees something on the ground. He picks it up. It's Kara's silver bracelet, with a little Kryptonian Superman symbol on it. We cut to Lois, still wandering around in the rain. I don't give the show credit for restraint too often, but I'm surprised we're not seeing her in a thin white T-shirt or a soaked low-cut Lycra top. Lois spots Kara, standing behind a chain link fence. Lois asks if Kara is all right. "Do you know me?" Kara asks, confused. She says that a guy named Finley locked her in this chain link fence area to protect her. She asks Lois to help her out. "Does MacGyver blush every time he walks past me?" Lois asks. I'd have a lot better answer for that question if I knew what the fuck Dumbshit Lois was even talking about. It's like English is her third or fourth language, behind "snarkcasm" and "pop-culture misreferencing." Lois says she'll get something to "jimmy" the lock. The show resists the urge to give Kara a flood of memories when hearing the word "Jimmy." Oh, I'm sure they thought of it, though. Lois turns and Finley, a young guy, is standing there holding a gun and pointing it at her. Kara tells him to put the gun down. What might bring this situation to a head, I wonder?
"Put the gun down!" Lex yells, pointing his own weapon. Ah, yes. That'll do it. Finley grabs Lois clumsily and holds her hostage, pointing his own gun at Lex. Finley asks "Bald Man" if it's really worth getting Lois killed to get to him. It really, really, really is, dude. You don't even know. Lois yells out to Lex that it's a rhetorical question. Shoot them both, Lex! Shoot 'em in the head! Finley calls Kara "Linda" and tells her he won't let her get hurt. Can't we go inside and discuss this where it's not raining and they might have nice warm scones? Lois stupidly tries to break free. Finley punches her in the mouth. Lex and Finley both fire their guns. Finley is shot in the shoulder and falls back. We cut to Lex, in slow motion. His gun hand is lowered. We see the gun drop into a puddle of rainwater. Lex falls to his knees. We pan up slowly to see his face. There's a bullet hole dead center on his forehead, just an inch above the nose. Lex falls forward. "Leeeeeex!" Kara screams. We do a close-up on Lex's shot face. He's lying on his side on the cold street, looking peaceful, at least.
Opening credits. We Own The Night on DVD. Can I borrow Saturday evening, maybe? I promise to bring it back in good condition.
Back in depressing Detroit, Finley, who's wearing a hipster doofus yellow bowling-style shirt, locks Lois into the chain link fence "Room" with Kara. Chained heat! Finley, who is probably supposed to look young and passionate, but instead looks sweaty and strung out, says he's going to go get some money and come right back. Does he think they're going to do a wire cage table-dance? Kara pretends to go along with whatever Finley's doing. After Finley's gone, she makes a feeble attempt at freeing Lois from the duct tape holding her hands together, but duct tape is too tough to figure out for this former beauty pageant contestant. Lois confirms that her name is Kara Kent and that she's borrowed her jeans on more than one occasion. As Kara finds a little razor to cut the tape, Lois says she knows about the amnesia. She asks what's going on. Apart from Lex getting shot in the head? Kara tells Lois that Finley is just the busboy. Is this part of taking out the trash? Lois asks how we ended up here. Hell if I know. Lay some exposition on me, why don't you? Kara says she lost her memory a month before. She's been working at that same diner since then, and everybody has been treating her like family. Lois says that Finley seems to want more than a sister. Kara says he's usually so nice when he's not shooting dudes in the skull. "I can't believe Lex is dead," Kara says. "Well, he is," Lois tells her. Suck it up, sis. I bet he's not, though. Lois says that if they don't find a way out, they'll be . Close-up on Kara's worried face as the music jumps up and down in the front row, begging to be noticed.
Smallville Medical Center. Nighttime. Lex is on a stretcher, with an oxygen mask on him. Wait...WHAT!? They transported him all the way to fucking KANSAS from Detroit with a bullet hole in the middle of his head and he's still alive? Even getting him to a Detroit hospital would have killed him. Are you kidding me? For reals, show? You really expect us to buy this? This isn't science-fiction. It's science-stupid! Contrive, dammit! Give us a made-up, implausible, yet-not-impossible explanation. Please! At this point, I'm convinced that Lex is unbreakable. That's fine and all, I just wish they'd tell us that instead of leading us to believe that he's a normal human who has just happened to survive dozens of shootings, beatings, and concussions.
Clark and Chloe arrive at the hospital. Clark is wearing his bright red jacket, the better to be seen in these abnormally dim hallways. They ask Papa Luthor how Lex is doing. He's fucking dead is how he should be doing. Thanks for asking. Papa, watching Lex through a window, says, "He's, uh...in a coma. Thank God we got him Medivac'd in from Detroit." Yes. His chances are much greater now that he's being treated at a tiny hospital in rural Kansas. Papa says that the neurosurgeon removed the bullet from Lex's head (it wasn't hard to spot). He says, haltingly, that there's a chance Lex will never regain consciousness. Clark says he's sorry. Papa shakes his head. He says he and Lex never had a close relationship. "A lot was said," he says, "a lot went unsaid." Chloe says that every "badge" in Detroit is on this case and that there are still no witnesses and no suspects. Who found Lex and called the police? Clark says it's hard to believe that someone would leave Lex in a ditch and nobody would see anything. Ditch? When? After Lex was dead? I know I'm harping on what's essentially just a contrivance to get to the actual interesting parts of this episode, but does the contrivance have to be so goddamned stupid and ridiculous?
Papa fumbles in his suit pockets looking for something. He says a cop friend in Detroit called him about Lex and let him borrow something: it's a pink phone displaying a photo of Lex and Kara. Kara is wearing her waitress outfit. They let you borrow evidence? "Kara's alive?" Clark asks. The photo was taken within the last twelve hours. I guess that's a yes. Chloe says that the phone belongs to Lois. "Lois, Kara and Lex? Not exactly Three's Company," she says. I sure would like to see Mr. Furley up in here, at least. Clark noticed a bandage Kara was wearing on her wrist in the photo. He says she may not have her powers. Clark and Chloe agree that Kara and Lois are in danger and must be found. Chloe thinks she can use her healing powers on Lex, and he can tell them where to find Lois and Kara. Why not just go to Detroit and scout out the diners, like the one in the photo? Wouldn't that be a lot faster for Clark? Clark reminds Chloe that she died last time she used her powers. He worries that this time it could happen permanently. Chloe reasons that she may just be adjusting to her abilities. She says nothing happened when she healed Jimmy. "We have no choice," she says. She says the only clues they have to where the girls might be are trapped in Lex's mind. What about the clues on the cell phone? Those seem like pretty good fucking clues. Why not follow them? Chloe doesn't even bother to check what calls were made on the cell. Cut to a shot of Lex on the stretcher. He's still alive.
Isis Foundation, night. Instead of actually healing Lex or going to Detroit, Chloe and Clark decide to go get help from Lana instead, which may be the silliest move yet. Lana, working her big bank of computers and monitors, says she couldn't figure out what Lex was doing in Detroit, but she found something even more helpful. Something called "Project Intercept." Lana apparently was using her surveillance to help Bill Belichick win football games. She says LuthorCorp developed a technology for the military to interrogate terrorists by getting inside their heads...literally. Literally physically inside their heads? That sounds painful. She says Papa Luthor spearheaded (ha, get it?) the project. She says the interrogator would have access to all the person's memories and thoughts. Sure, but...Detroit? Why not go there? Now? Too easy? Clark squints. "You're saying someone could actually go into Lex's mind?" he asks. Lana says the project was "mothballed" six months before. Chloe figures out why: on the screen, it says that three people died trying out the device. Clark walks away dramatically. He says, "I can do this!" Hey, big fella! We're so glad you can, because otherwise this would be a really short episode. Chloe resists the urge to kick Lana's ass off the computer so she can get some real work done.
Typical triple-super-dog secret neon-lit military lab. Chloe, Lana and Clark have already found the supposedly mothballed Project Intercept lab, with an assist from Papa Luthor. Lana is asking Clark whether his mind might not be vulnerable somehow. It would seem to be his most vulnerable area, given what we know about him. Clark throws his jacket roughly aside (the jacket says, "Ow!"). Clark says it's his fault that Kara is missing. Lana tries to warn Clark about the device, even though she was the one who was all excited telling Clark and Chloe about the thing in the last scene. Clark says there's no other choice. Dude, there's plenty of other choices, you guys are just making it way more complicated that is has to be.
Papa Luthor and his chief scientist, who looks more like a military sniper, are arguing about using the machine. The scientist reminds Papa Luthor that the machine is a deathtrap. Papa says he pays the man a small fortune and doesn't want to hear the dude's negative opinion. When I want your opinion, I'll pay for it, lackey! The doctor tells the "Ladies" (that might mean you, too, Clark) to wait outside. Lana gives Clark a kiss on the cheek before she goes. "If you die when I come back, can I sell the farm so they can put a strip mall over it?" Lex is strapped vertically to the device, which includes a metal ring around his head. Clark makes sure with Papa Luthor that Lex won't ever know he was in there. The scientist says that when the machine works, the terrorists had no memory of the "Pro-cess." Canadian, much? The scientist, who is wearing a very unscientific black baseball cap, says that the freshest memories will come first and things will get riskier the further in Clark goes. Sexy. Clark says he doesn't plan on staying in there very long. He's wham, bam, thank you, Lex! Clark positions himself in the machine, which looks like it's going to swap their brains. Scientist says that Clark will see a red door, which is the signal for the emergency exit. Why not make a door that says "EMERGENCY EXIT" on it? Papa Luthor says that Clark can't lose track of the red door. Red...door. Got it. A door that's red. I'll try to remember that. Wait, what color again? Yellow? Shit! Clark says he wants to get this over with. He's strapped into the machine. Buttons are pushed. Brain graphics are displayed. It's not too late to go to Detroit and scout out some diners. Sure you don't want to do that? No? Clark and Lex are repositioned to lie on their backs. Can't we get a comfy mattress for these guys? Dramatic, loud music. More buttons, including a really huge red one, are pressed. More brain scans. Clark is transported through what look like rock candy tunnels. Each one displays a little piece of video from Lex's past. ["I didn't see this, but I bet Lex's brain recalls his past from the same camera angles used by the show. Coincidence? -- Miss Alli]
Clark lands in a dank, dark hallway. He sees a bright red door behind him. Isn't that supposed to be a yellow door? No, wait, RED! Right! I remember now! Stupid door. Clark turns the other way. Scary music. He begins to walk forward. There are big windows on the walls that are glazed over. One of them has a tiny hole in it. Clark peeks through the hole. He sees some sort of angelic figure, bathed in light and wrapped in gauze. Clark keeps walking. We see the eye of a boy peek back through the hole in the glass. Creepy lad!
Commercials. Stride gum. Hey, I heard that gum is unusually long-lasting!
Lex and Clark are side by side, lying down together, like in the good-old days. They look like they're strapped into a really gnarly roller coaster. In a way, I guess they are. Very tight close-up on Clark's sleeping face and, boy, he's still very pretty after all these years. Clark's eyes twitch, and we flash back to him inside of Lex's head. (Did you read last week when I said that it was revenge for all the times that Lex's head has been inside of him? Ah, those were good times.) Clark is walking down the badly lit hallway. We see a small boy sneaking behind Clark and ducking into a dark corner. It's like a small, well-dressed, cute little Gollum. Clark notices the movement. He turns back toward the glowing red door, which is way back in the distance. The boy peeks his head out from the corner and we zoom in on one of his eyes. Clark opens a nearby door. It's an empty room. The room, however, suddenly transforms into a much nicer, less terrifying space.
Before we can see what it is, we cut back to Papa Luthor and the scientist. Are they still making Chloe and Lana wait outside? I hope they have some decent magazines out there, at least. How rude. Scientist, who is polite enough to have taken off his cap, says that Clark is going in deeper. Would that Lex was aware enough to enjoy hearing that.
Clark in the transforming room. It's the diner in Detroit. He sees Kara talking to Finley, who looks a lot friendlier when he's not shooting people and soaking wet from the rain. Kara says she's sorry that some guy named Frank screamed at him. Finley says it's no big deal. His dad was like that, he says. Aw, we're supposed to feel sorry for you now because your daddy called you a sissy? Boo hoo, Finley. Try not to shoot anyone. It turns out the bowling shirt is actually the diner uniform; Kara is wearing one, too. Spiffy! Clark calls Kara's name, but she walks right past him, as this is just a memory. Kara walks to a diner booth. Lex is sitting there waiting. Lex, drinking coffee, says he keeps coming back for the pie, which is the second-best he's ever had. Did somebody say "pie?" Clark is very intrigued. "Second-best?" Kara asks. She says she'll tell the kitchen that to give them some incentive. Lex, wearing a purple shirt, introduces himself. Kara tells him her name is Linda. Lex says it doesn't suit her. She asks whom she looks like. Lex says she looks like someone who doesn't belong here. Then he undercuts his opinions and says, "What do I know?" Kara sits down, which surely can't be looked upon too kindly at her workplace. She says that some days she's not sure what she's doing here. Maybe because you have amnesia? Lex advises her to leave. Kara says she has nowhere else to go. She reveals her lost memory. Kara, showing off her big, clunky silver bracelet, says it's the only thing she has left from her old life. Lex offers to give her access to some of the best researchers in the world. He wonders if they could help her. Kara seems interested. A team of researchers? What she needs is one decent private investigator. Or for Lex to just tell her the truth.
"What are you doing here?" Lex asks. The diner goes away, and we're back in the dark place (not to be confused with Garth Marenghi's Darkplace) with Clark. Lex is standing behind him. He's wearing a bright white suit and white tie. "You can see me?" Clark asks. Lex grabs Clark by the neck and lifts. I guess he can see you. "You shouldn't be here," he says. "Lex...please," Clark says. "Get out of my head!" Lex hisses at Clark. Clark is choking. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Lex screams, in case Clark didn't understand the first time. Someone hits Lex on the back of the head with what appears to be a large baguette. It's the little boy. Lex falls in a heap. The boy, who has a scratch on his left cheek and curly reddish hair, says that Lex has been trying to kill him for as long as he can remember. "Who are you?" Clark asks, rubbing his neck. Unnecessary dramatic sound effect. "I'm Alexander," the boy says to Clark. He holds out a hand and says they have to go. Clark takes it. They run and talk. Clark asks why Lex would want to kill the good part of himself. "He says I make him weak," Alexander says. Alexander thinks that Lex will kill them both if he finds them. He leads Clark down a turn. They keep running, down more dark, industrial halls with pipes overhead. Clark says he doesn't have much time. He's looking for Kara and Lois. He asks if Alexander knows where they are. Alexander promises to look, but he says Clark has to hide. They take a right turn and Alexander opens a metal door for Clark. He says it's a place Lex never visits, where Clark will be safe. "Trust me, Clark. You're my best friend," the boy says. He turns and flees, ducking into a hole in a nearby wall. Before he disappears, he gives Clark a little smile. Clark smiles back. Awww. I have to say, this is where this episode stopped sucking for me. Clark enters the room and closes the metal door behind him.
Back in the lab, Clark twitches in his unconsciousness. The scientist is alarmed that Clark is going in even deeper. Papa Luthor states the obvious: that if Clark goes too far, he might never find his way out. Thank you, Captain Obvious. Scientist says he's never seen this before. Well, it is a new episode.
Dramatic flashes take us back to Clark-in-Lex. We're in a fuzzy-filtered scene in Luthor Manor. Clark is watching the kid paint the shield of an Alexander the Great model. This is the same Alexander from the hallways, back when the boy still had hair. We cut back to show the boy playing on a tabletop full of figures on a map. "Alexander Luthor!" we hear a familiar voice bellow. Alexander looks really scared. Papa Luthor, wearing a black turtleneck, enters the bedroom, angrily. You've interrupted his improv rehearsals! "What is the rule about my briefcase, Alexander?" Papa Luthor asks. He's not supposed to ever touch it. Papa says he can tell when it's been opened. He asks if Alexander opened it. Alexander stutters. Then he finally says no, he swears. He backs away, frightened. Papa is angry at the boy for lying. He grabs him roughly by the shoulder and then takes him by both arms. Papa Luthor's got a bit of a mod/shag haircut going. Groovy, man. "Be a man, Lex, and admit what you've done!" Papa tells the boy, "admit it!" He shakes the kid. Alexander says he didn't do it. The boy says he doesn't care about his father's work.
Papa pushes him a little, and a bunch of toys fall over. Clark watches sadly. Papa screams, asking who did it if it wasn't Alexander. He shakes him over his army toys. "Mom!" the boy finally says. Papa puts his hands on the boy's face as Alexander says he saw his mother going through Papa Luthor's things and she told him not to say anything. Lillian appears in the doorway. She tells Papa to let go of Alexander. She says she had to know the truth about "Veritas." Veriwhaaaa? It would be a lot sexier if it was called "Veri-tatas." She asks what it is. "Veri-tatas?" Oh, that's very simple. It's a top-secret project about boobies that I just made up. Papa grabs her arm, then her other arm and they struggle as she asks about his secret late-night meetings. "Please!" Alexander yells. Lillian screams hysterically, asking what Papa Luthor is hiding. Papa tells her that Veritas is none of her concern. He pushes her and she hits a nearby shelf then falls on the floor. Over his shoulder, Papa tells Lillian to stay out of his business. He leaves the room. Alexander goes to his mother. He asks if she's all right. He apologizes. "Don't," she says, "you've said enough." She gets up and leaves the room. "Don't go," Alexander whispers. The boy is left alone. Geez, man. How depressing. Happy Valentine's Day, show.
Commercials. I'm no fan of Red Bull and the shakes it gave me that one time, but I still think their animated commercials are pretty cute.
We're back at the lab. Green lights are flashing on Clark and Lex's heads from an orb overhead. I knew if I waited long enough, one sweet day I would finally see Lex and Clark together at a rave. Light-switch rave! We zoom in on Clark's face. Then we flash to the Dark Hallway of Lex. Lex enters a door. A huge display for Stride gum is stuck conspicuously in our face. It does last a long time! I had almost stopped thinking about it! The room changes from dark to bright. Clark is back in the diner locale. He sees Lex and Kara sitting on some barstools. Lex has just given her a necklace of St. Anthony. Lex tells her it's the patron saint of lost souls. How about one for lost scripts? St. Almiles? Kara says her friend Finley thinks Lex only cares about money. She thinks Lex actually cares about people. Depends on which people, lady, and how much money they have. Kara says she did some research. She was able to get the dirt on Lex but not her own identity? Kara marvels at Lex's charity work. Lex says that everything has been arranged; he's got a jet ready to take Kara to some treatment. Clark keeps watching, glowering nearby. Kara can't believe this is happening. She says she'll have to find out if she's afraid of flying. Hey, all of a sudden, she's Samantha Who? Lex says he'll be by her side. "There's nothing that's lost that can't be found again," he tells her.
Kara goes off to thank Finley and tell him goodbye. She puts a hand on Lex's shoulder. Sexual tension! Finley, standing behind a counter, gives Lex a dirty look. He goes off to talk to Kara. "Quite the charmer, arentcha?" we hear. It's Lois, holding her cell phone out. She's just taken a picture of Lex and Kara. She walks right past invisible Mind Clark. Lex, surprised to see her, says she's a little out of the way for a club sandwich. He asks why she's here. Lois tracked Lex down and knew he wasn't in town for the electric car show. But, she says, she didn't suspect a secret rendezvous with Kara. Lex says he's helping Kara. "I've heard that one before," Lois says. Lex doesn't expect Lois to believe him. Lois says that, like Clark, she works better with visual aids. She threatens to send the photo to Clark. Lex, slick, grabs the cell phone and puts it in his pocket. Before Lois can try to get it back, they both hear Kara scream, "No!" Something that sounds like a pot clatters from the kitchen. Before we can see what happens , we cut back to the lab.
The machine starts beeping. Papa Luthor asks what's happening. Scientist says something about "Delta-Wave Entrainment" and something about a phase. Frankly, I don't think he knows what the hell he's talking about. Maybe he should have thrown in a flux capacitor. "The subject is in too deep," Scientist says. Oh, Clark! Papa tells the dude to terminate the procedure. "Pull Clark out. Now," Papa says. Withdrawal! Don't get Lex pregnant! Scientist says that Clark is trapped, and that as long as their brainwaves are synchronized, he can't get them separated. He says it's up to Clark to exit on his own. Good luck getting Clark to pull out just before the climax.
Another flash and Clark is in the hallway. White-Suited Lex is there to meet him. He says he always knew there was a voyeur lurking behind that telescope. Dirty! Clark says he doesn't want any trouble. Lex apologizes for being a bad host. He offers to give Clark the grand tour. He pushes Clark through a door, and we're suddenly in a Luthor Manor room with tons of candles. Lex, smirking, motions for Clark to look behind him. Clark turns. Lana is totally mounting Lex by the fireplace. Whoah! Lana, naked, is all over him. Clark doesn't like it, but he can't turn away. Lex grabs Clark's head from both sides and forces him to watch. He says it's just getting good. Lana bends down to kiss Lex. She tosses her hair aside and kisses him. She nuzzles his neck. Clark struggles, but White Suit Lex is still holding him tight. Lex flips Lana around and mounts her right back. We see a close-up of Lana's enormous wedding ring. She's certainly enjoying this. "I will always love you," she tells Naked Lex. White Suit Lex says, "You hear that, Clark? She'll always love me." Lex, so close to Clark and whispering about love while the two of them watch some hot sex action is both the Straightest and the Gayest Look of the Episode. It really transcends all sexual orientation, if you ask me. And it's just so wrong that it's right. Clark finally breaks free and heads for the door. He takes another look back to see Lex kissing the hell out of Lana's neck. Clark can't take anymore. He bails.
In the hallway, Clark hears Alexander calling for him. The kid says he found Clark's friends. Alexander runs, and Clark goes after him. They go down some stairs. Alexander opens the door to a big empty room. It turns into the rain-soaked streets of Detroit. Clark watches from afar the dual gunshots that take down Finley and Lex. Clark goes to Lex's crumpled body. He sees the bullet hole in his head. Nearby is the GPS device. Clark looks at the screen. He sees Kara's position.
Back in the hallway, Clark calls for Alexander. "I know where they are!" he yells. Clark sees the bright red door down in the distance. Alexander calls for Clark. White Suit Lex is there, holding Alexander up by the neck. "He'll...kill me," Alexander manages. He's crying. "I'm gonna kill him," Lex confirms. Yep. There will be killing. You just wait. "You are pitiful," Lex says to Alexander. He drops the boy and starts dragging him away by the leg. Alexander struggles. Clark turns back toward the red door and must decide whether to save himself or Alexander. He chooses the boy.
In the lab, Lex flatlines. Scientist says that if they lose Lex, they'll lose Clark, too. The stretchers go upright as the Scientist tells Papa Luthor that they have four minutes before brain death. I bet it didn't take less than four minutes to get Lex from a ditch in Detroit to Smallville Medical Center but, hey, I'm just a human bound to the laws of physics, time and space. I don't write a show for the CW where those rules don't apply. "Nooo," Papa Luthor moans as the Scientist tries to bring Lex back with a defibrillator.
We transition from the shock of the paddles to Clark back in the hallway. White Suit Lex drags Alexander away. Clark, in the hallways, feels the shocks of the defib.
In the lab, Chloe walks in. She asks what's taking so long and then sees the crisis. Papa Luthor tells "Miss Sullivan" that she shouldn't be there. Papa explains that Clark is trapped and might die. The Scientist says that they've lost Lex. Papa Luthor is stunned. "I can save him!" Chloe says. "How?" he asks. Chloe says, "Just trust me, Mr. Luthor, I can."
Commercials. Talking Frosted Mini Wheats are like something out of my wildest, most wonderful dreams. I love you, Li'l Wheats!
LuthorCorp Labs: Engaging in creepy-ass science experiments for seven seasons. Inside, Clark and Lex are still strapped in, side-by-side, still pretty dead. The machines have quieted down, but the music has been amped up to compensate. We flash to inside Lex's head. White Suit Lex is kicking poor little Alexander, who's scuffed up and rolling on the floor. Lex pulls a sword off a convenient wall sconce and prepares to kebab the boy. Lex puts a white shoe to the boy's chest. "You're holding me back, Alexander," Lex tells him. Alexander begs for his life. Yep. This is pretty fucked up, right here. It turns out we're in the mind version of the Lair of Lex. Clark bursts through the double doors. "Lex!" he yells. Lex says it's time to say goodbye. "Noooo!" the boy moans.
Cut to Chloe, making a face. She's psyching herself up to do this thing. She looks at Lex's bare chest. Oily! She reaches her hand to it. An orange ball glows, lighting up the room. The orange light envelops Lex. Chloe winces. The Mind Machine says, "Host engaged," which means he's back to life, I suppose. We go right back in to where Lex is about to stick a sword through his inner child. Clark, very slowly, runs across the room and dives at Lex, knocking him down. Love tackle! They knock over glasses from a drink cart. Lex throws Clark against the wall, even as they're both on their knees. Clark fights back. Clark gets on top of Lex, straddling him just the way Lana was doing earlier (maybe THIS is the Gayest Look of the Episode? I've lost track). Lex looks up at Clark, smiling slyly, as Clark keeps punching him in the face. "Go now!" Clark yells to Alexander. Alexander takes off.
Back in the lab, Chloe's revival has worked. Clark and Lex's vital signs go up.
Back in the Mind Lair, Clark is still punching. Lex, his mouth full of blood, opens his mouth wide, cackling. Whoah, that is creeeeeepy. He looks at Clark with devil eyes.
We see Chloe struggling to stay alive.
, Clark is running back down the hall. He's running fast toward the red door. Alexander calls for him. Damn, kid, what now!? "Don't go," the boy says. Clark says he has to. "But you're the only friend I ever had," the kid says. Clark looks longingly over his shoulder at the red door. He walks toward the kid. Clark kneels in front of Alexander, puts his hands on the boy's arms, and says, "Promise me we'll see each other again." The boy, who has a bloody lip, promises. Clark asks him to promise never to stop fighting. Damn, Clark, why don't you just write it in a list, already? Do you want him to promise to do your laundry, too? "You're stronger than you think," Clark says to Alexander. A special effect is making the door recede. It stretches farther and farther away every time Clark looks. The boy asks how Clark knows. "Because you're my friend," Clark says. Clark tells the boy that now that he knows he's in there, he'll always keep an eye out for him. All right, now I'm teary-eyed. Are you happy, show? Jeez. Clark wipes away one of the boy's tears affectionately and says he'll always be here for him. (Sniff.) I'm such a sucker for sad, needy kids. Clark stands near the stretched-out doorway. He holds up a hand. The small boy waves back. Clark regretfully, sadly, is absorbed by the door.
Clark wakes up. Hilariously, he fumbles with the thing on his head and announces that he knows where to find Kara and Lois. They're in the Detroit in Lex's head! Let's go! Clark notices something. Papa Luthor is on the floor, holding a very blue and unconscious Chloe. Clark asks what happened. Papa Luthor says they need a doctor. Don't you have a scientist/medical expert right nearby? What about him? Clark says, "No doctors." He says to take Chloe to her apartment. Clark says, a bit woodenly, "Doctors can do nothing for her!" How about a good gravedigger, then? Clark whooshes out of the scene.
The Chain Link Fence of Trapness. Lois is trying to pick the padlock that's holding her and Kara in the cage. Lois says she learned the skill when...I'm sorry, I fell asleep while Lois blabbed about her dad, The General, and an old boyfriend and...I'm sorry. I think dumb shit makes me sleepy. Lois opens the lock. She pulls the chain and they exit the chain link box. A car has just pulled up. It's Finley. Lois tells Kara they'll have to find another way out. They go prowling back around the junkyard. Do you mean to tell me all this shit is happening right behind the diner? The diner/scrapyard? Lois and Kara make a run for it. Finley spots them. He's pretty bitter that Kara was leaving him for Lex. Lois steps forward, asking him to be rational. Finley is freaked out that he just killed a man. That wasn't supposed to happen. He tells "Linda" that he wanted to protect her. Kara tells Finley that she's not Linda. She stands in front of Lois and tells him that he'll have to shoot her first. Finley doesn't want to go back to prison. He raises his gun. Suddenly a stack of cars topples over. Finley manages to dodge in time, but what if he hadn't? Would Clark have killed him? Finley backs around out of view. Clark grabs him and flings him 300 feet, into a bunch of planks. Are you sure that didn't kill him? Lois and Kara don't see Clark, but they spot Finley, struggling, but not dead. A siren wails. A police car finally shows up. Nobody says anything.
Smallville Medical Center. Lex is staring into a mirror. He's already dressed. There's no hole on his forehead. Papa Luthor stands behind him. As Lex grabs his suit coat, Papa says that Lex had everybody worried. He asks how Lex is feeling. Lex says that's the problem: he feels fine. He asks what's going on. There's not even a scratch on him now, after all that. Papa Luthor reminds Lex of the healing technology that Lex's "Friend" Oliver Queen developed. Papa says he held onto a last dose of the serum, which he salvaged. Papa lies that he kept it for himself in case he'd ever need it. "But you gave it to me," Lex says. He can't believe it. "You sound surprised," Papa says, "you're my son. You think I'd stand there and watch you die?" Lex says he honestly doesn't know. Papa shakes his head and starts to walk out of the room. He stops himself. "Today, I realized when..." He takes a long pause. He says there was something he was afraid he'd never had a chance to tell Lex. "I love you, Lex," he finally says, "my son." Goosebumps, man. Lex walks to Papa Luthor. He gives him a cold stare and then walks past him, out of the room. Poor Lex.
Commercials. That Stride promotional money just keeps going, and going, and going...
The Talon, daytime. In the upstairs apartment, a shaken Chloe is putting on some fuzzy slippers and getting out of bed. She looks like she's got a hangover. Clark, wearing a red T-shirt, hands her a little glass of water. Chloe asks if Lois saw her...you know...dead. Clark says Lois had to head back to The Daily Planet to write about what happened in Detroit. Headline: "I Did Stuff In Detroit And Wrote A First Person Account Of My Ordeal!" Chloe scoffs and says that Lex will kill that story in a heartbeat. Thank goodness. "Speaking of heartbeats," Clark says. He tells Chloe that she didn't have one for over eighteen hours. At what point did Clark think that maybe she wasn't going to revive herself? Chloe is surprised. Chloe doesn't want to talk about it and was hoping they could skip to dinner, because she's starving. Clark says that she was out fifteen hours longer than last time. "I've been sitting here, literally, trying to think about what to say at your funeral." I'm amazed Clark didn't cheer and hug Chloe when she woke up. Chloe says they should both be glad that she's alive, because she knows how much Clark hates giving speeches. Clark is not amused. Clark says that what Chloe did for him goes beyond friendship. But he says she can never do it again. Chloe says she has the power to bring people back to life. She wasn't expecting to bring Lex back from the brink, Chloe says, but she thinks it's her decision to make. Clark agrees. Reluctantly. Chloe says that Clark is right in a way. The power comes with a lot of consequences. Chloe, much more serious now, says that one of the responsibilities they both have is to each stay alive. Uh oh. I don't like where this is going. Foreshadowing? Chloe wonders if she's pushing her luck with this whole death thing. Profoundly, she says, "It is death, after all." Clark asks if she's never going to use her abilities again. Chloe says she's more confused now than ever. She asks why she was the one chosen to be in charge of such an amazing gift. Clark has no answer for that.
Stately Luthor Manor. Clark is in the Lair of Lex. He picks up an ornate box sitting on Lex's desk. Lex enters the room. Lex says it's like a reflex: "I see you and start defending myself." Hee. Clark, smugly, says that's what guilt does to a person. Oh, shut the fuck up, Clark. Clark asks what Lex was doing in Detroit with Kara. Lex says he was trying to help her. Clark says she ended up kidnapped. Lex says he volunteered to help when he found out she had amnesia. Clark asks why Lex didn't pick up the phone and call him. Lex says he did call. Twice. "Lana hung up on me before I could get a word out." Oops. Clark asks if Lex even knows when he's lying anymore. Lex says he's stopped caring whether Clark believes him anymore. He puts the box on the desk back into position. Clark says he does care. He says there's a side of Lex that knows what's right. Lex sarcastically asks what he'd do without Clark Kent, voice of reason. Clark says the voice isn't him; it's Lex. Clark tells Lex to let that voice lead him back to the good side. Lex jokes that he didn't know it would only take a brush with death to see Clark's softer side. Clark tells Lex that there's nothing that's lost that can't be found again. Lex watches Clark leave, surprised to hear his own words thrown back.
Talon. Kara is in the coffee shop, listening to a song called "Say it Again" on her red cell phone. Lex approaches, carrying two coffee mugs. "Anything good?" he asks. Meh. No. Kara says that it's supposed to be one of her favorite songs, but she can't remember how it goes. Kara says she saw what happened. She touches Lex's forehead. "You were bleeding," she says. Lex credits his awesome team of medical professionals. Lex smiles. Kara wonders if they'll give her her job back. Lex says the owner is very understanding. Kara thanks Lex for meeting her. She says home isn't feeling too familiar. She says Clark is a nice guy, but she thinks he's hiding something from her. Lex chuckles. He says that as Clark's former friend, he knows the feeling all too well. Kara says Clark didn't even mention that he and Lex were ever friends. "What happened?" she asks. Lex says he grew up. He tells her that he's not interested in keeping any secrets. He thinks there's a treatment that'll help get her memories back. He says with it, they'll get the truth... once and for all. Shouldn't Lex have figured out the truth sometime around Season Three? Oh well. Lex is slow that way, I guess. Dramatic cut to black!
week: hiatus! I have no idea if I'll see you in March or April, but enjoy the springtime!