Lana, looking strung-out and tired (or rather more like a college student than she usually does) has gotten mixed up with some crazy medical students. They're using a Kryptonite compound to kill people temporarily and then bring them back. Why would someone want to do that? So they can have touching conversations with their dead parents who were once smooshed by big meteors. It's not at all like the movie Flatliners. Really! Lana -- desperate for money to pay for the chance to keep talking to her dead folks -- tries to steal from Lex, who ends up getting accosted himself and talking to his dead mom, who only has bad things to say about his future. Clark gets involved and even he gets pricked by the Kryptonite needle and has a conversation with Bo Duke about being super and watching out for Papa Luthor, who is still making the smooth moves on MamaKent. The death drug dealers are, of course, dealt with, and Lana cleans up her act and tells Clark that she'll be fine -- JUST FINE! -- without him. Really. Go away. Papa Luthor's designs on MamaKent include taking her to a fancy dress-up dinner (she looks hot!), and even though she says they'll never be more than friends, you know they totally will. Meanwhile, Chloe and Clark find out about Professor SoFine's presence in Honduras. Clark makes a little trip down to Central America and blends in with the locals, but not really.
Hello, everybody! I just went on, like, a seven-mile hike and I can barely move. My brain is mush, but luckily, that lends itself to recapping this show. Shall we?
We open on a Metropolis night. The camera angles down a bit to a Met U. building -- the dorm where Lana and Chloe live. We cut to an inside shot of someone's bookshelf. There are books on human anatomy and nanotechnology, so I'm guessing this isn't the Delta Gamma Smiley house. We pan down and see another line of books, including Exploring the Afterlife, which is just like exploring the tundra but with more dead people. Someone lying down is tapping a boot against the edge of a bed. It's Lana Lang, and she's got her eyes half-closed and seems to be biting her lower lip. Man, the single life has hit Lana hard. Watch a video while you do that, at least. Put some effort into self-abuse, would you? Lana, suddenly impatient, can wait no longer for whatever it is she wants to do. She gets to her feet and quickly opens up a closet door. She hunts for something and licks her lips. Cold, hard cash. It's everywhere you want to be that's dirty and foul. Lana exits the shot.
We cut to the exterior of a cafeteria, so identified by a large sign that reads, "CAFETERIA." The cafeteria has its own fog machine, apparently. Inside, creepy music plays as Lana walks the dark and lonely hallway. A fluorescent light flickers on and off. Yes, we know. We've all seen Twin Peaks. We cut to someone playing with Day-Glo green liquid in small bottles. The person in the shot is moving the green stuff from one vial to another mixing bottle, wearing rubber gloves. "You're late," he tells Lana as she comes in. I know that Lana is supposed to look awful and strung out with the bags under her eyes and less makeup, but I actually prefer this look. She just looks like every sleep-deprived girl I went to college with. In the real world, we call it "normal."
The guy with the flasks says he hopes there wasn't a problem with the cash. Lana lies that money wasn't the problem; she says she had to ditch her roommate. Lana snarks about Chloe, implying that her roommate's not easy to get away from. Liar! Lana hands over the cash and says that it's $2,000, the rest of her savings. Drug fiends don't usually announce to the pusher when they've hit the bottom of their bank account. Just sayin'. A girl with even bigger circles under her eyes, blonde hair and goth makeup walks an IV stand over and tells Lana they're just about fixed up for her fix. Pusher Girl stumbles over the IV stand as she says it, inspiring not a bit of confidence in whatever procedure is about to happen. "This is not a drug trip," Pusher Guy says, messing with a syringe and a big tube of hot green stuff. If it was, I'd be having a lot more fun. Pusher Girl says that she was just making a little funny. She knows that what they're about to do isn't just a hallucination. Pusher Guy, who's just a wee bit too intense, says she's damn straight. He says that his little cocktail is going to earn him a Nobel Prize. Hey, man, if Bono hasn't gotten one yet, you'd better get in line. Because you're not Bono. Lana just looks lost. Pusher Girl is hoping instead for a big, fat paycheck from a pharmaceutical company. This will seem crazy stupid when we actually find out what it is they're doing. "New from Pfizer: Death! (May cause deadly side effects. Consult your mortician.)" Lana tells her new friends that she wants to stay under longer this time. "Two minutes," she asks. "Forget it," Pusher Guy says. "It's too dangerous." Lana whines that it's only twenty seconds longer than last time. Pusher Girl is all for pushing the pink envelope. Lana says that she almost found "them" last time. Pusher Girl says she's been down almost as long. Hey, forget you guys. I've been down since I began to crawl. Pusher Girl holds up a vial with red liquid and tells Pusher Guy that he can easily bring her back. If this all seems confusing, don't worry. It'll make sense in a stale, familiar way soon enough. Pusher Guy frowns. Lana makes with the woodland creature eyes.
We cut to a bunch of equipment and a Craftmatic Adjustable Medical Slab. Pusher Guy is injecting Lana with the green substance. Hasn't anyone on this show learned to stay away from growing green liquids? Lana reacts in surprise to the needle shoved in her arm. Is that what you want, junkie? Is this what you like? You make me sick! The camera pans to the dental light overhead. Cut to Lana looking sedated.
We suddenly flash through what looks like a tunnel of flowers until we're in a heavenly lit room where two adults are standing. Cut to Lana in the same room with tears in her eyes. "Mom. Dad!" she sputters. "I never thought I'd see you again!" Why, did something happen to them? MamaLana and PapaLana just stare at her. Lana says that she's missed them. Hey, Lana's mom ain't half bad, in a Target Sunday circular kind of way. MamaLana says that they've missed Lana, too. PapaLane says they know how hard it's been. Getting smooshed by a meteor gave them a lot of empathy for small-town weirdness in the afterlife. Lana, crying, says she thought she could handle it. "We're here for you, Lana," MamaLana says. Their daughter smiles big. She reaches out to hug her mother and is suddenly yanked back through the flower tunnel. Lana screams as she's pulled back through the portal. Voyagers!
Back in the dark lab, Lana convulses on the slab, knocking stuff over. Pusher Guy tries to hold Lana down as Pusher Girl tells Lana that she must chill. Dude! You must chill! "Back among the living," she tells Lana. Pusher Guy says that they almost didn't bring her back. Lana, puffy-eyed, says, "It wasn't long enough. I have to go back." Pusher Guy tries very hard not to emote. He succeeds brilliantly. Lana is desperate.
Opening credits. Commercials. If the mob ever got hold of my Cingular phone, I'd like to think they would be impressed with my cat photos. "Madon'! This cat is fucking cute!"
"Crawford Hall," a structure on the Metropolis University campus. It's Chloe and Lana's dorm building. Inside are pictures of dusty roads and huts tacked up on a bulletin board. Chloe is at her computer, reading a news story online: "¡Epidemia en Honduras!" Apparently something's going on Honduras. Would that we had the Spanish-language skills to know what "epidemia" translates to. Chloe zooms in on a photo of guys in Hazmat suits. Apparently, this is some sort of special news service, because a regular web page with a normal-sized photo wouldn't let you zoom in at that resolution. Hiding in the bushes is Professor SoFine. Sneaky man! SoFine is Kryptonian -- he wouldn't know how to avoid a camera?
Chloe uses her sweet Treo phone to call Clark: "Clark, we've got a problem." Not two seconds later, Clark is knocking on door 222. Chloe answers it with an amused look: "Fast. But oddly formal." Chloe says that usually when she says it's urgent, Clark rips in without any regard to her privacy. Oh, you know you enjoy that, Chloe. Clark, looking mopier than usual, stiffly says, "I didn't want to disturb you." Chloe tells Clark to relax; Lana isn't around. She says, in fact, that Lana didn't come home at all the night before. Chloe assures Clark that Lana's not with another dude; she's been hanging out with weird med students and they keep "wicked hours." They're porn stars? Chloe tells Clark that eventually Lana will find someone else. "She deserves to be happy," Clark says, totally not believing it. Clark asks about the crisis. Chloe tells him that there's mass destruction in Central America, and that Professor SoFine may be involved. Clark thinks he's dead. Chloe says that they can't be sure that's true, and that all they know is that he disappeared with the ship. Chloe prints out a copy of the zoomed-in photo of SoFine. I just figured it out: he was taking a dump in the jungle. Clark asks where Chloe got it. "A source tipped me off," she says. She's not sharing her sources with Clark?
Lana and Pusher Girl walk in just then. Lana looks tired. Clark looks at her in surprise. He starts to say something and stops. Sad music plays. Jeez, guys, it's not Schindler's List up in here. Pusher Girl, looking like Goth Drew Barrymore, says that she'll catch Lana later. Painful glances all around. Lana walks past Chloe and Clark. As he starts to leave, Chloe says she'll call him later. Clark takes one last sad look at the strung-out Lana. Chloe closes the door on Clark and apologizes to Lana. Lana says that Clark and Chloe are friends; they were bound to run into each other eventually. Chloe asks Lana what she was up to the night before. Lana is stuffing a backpack with her things. She says that she was just hanging out, no big deal. Chloe says that all-nighters don't really agree with Lana. Gee, thanks, friend. Chloe asks if she's all right. Lana looks better than ever, if you ask me. Chloe says she knows the breakup's been hard, but.... Lana interrupts to say that nobody died. Exactly! "People break up every day," she adds. "It's not a big deal." Wow. Some sense. I did not expect that. Lana says that she'll get over it. Chloe looks dubious.
Outside on campus, Clark is walking at normal speed. He takes a look at the photo of SoFine. Clark makes a decision, which gives him a splitting headache. Suddenly, Clark superzips across the screen and we back up, way up and see the whole Earth as Clark goes all the way to Central America. I don't buy for a second that Clark knows how to get to Honduras right off the top of his head. We zoom back in to see a red blur running through a jungle. Clark stops. He looks around and sees an incredibly makeshift village in Central America, where everybody's wearing long-sleeved shirts and jackets. We're back at "Sierra de la Botija," a title card tells us. A man tries to sell Clark a red shirt. Clark turns it down as he shows the dude the photo of SoFine. Least convincing Central America set ever.
Talon, daytime. MamaKent, in a red business suit, is giving a speech, sans microphone, to a cluster of reporters. She tells them that a minor tax increase she's suggesting would make a major difference for schools. A lady reporter steps forward and asks about a political opponent of MamaKent's who has said publicly that her proposal will drain constituents and not help schools. MamaKent says that she'd be happy to answer that if Congressman Clayton wants to say it to her face. Ooh, public policy burn. MamaKent thanks everyone for coming to her coffee 'n press conference. Try the lattes. Like sheep, the reporters immediately turn, and nobody tries to get a private word with her. Or with Papa Luthor, for that matter, who just appears and goes to talk to MamaKent. Papa Luthor compliments MamaKent on her "come out fighting" strategy. She says she meant it: she wants a public debate with that jackass Clayton. Papa Luthor says that she won't have to put on a show like this all the time once people realize she's a "player." Are you a player, Papa Luthor? I think that you are. Playa'. Papa Luthor tells her that he brought something that could help give her an edge. It's a nail file. Papa Luthor says they're both going to a dinner the night at the governor's mansion -- he's got a copy of his research into all their dinner companions. MamaKent says she already knows all their voting records. She asks why Papa Luthor's doing this. Papa says he's not trying to manipulate her vote; he asks her to look at the papers. "Congressman Clayton plays polo?" she asks. "Mmm, his passion," Papa says with special seasoning. MamaKent also finds out that the Congressman's daughter is a gymnast. "Olympic standard," Papa purrs. Papa says that it may be a political dinner, but that nobody's going to want to talk shop. He thinks it's a good way to connect to colleagues. He offers to go with her to the dinner and help her "navigate the rough waters." She's a girl and he wants to be her buoy. MamaKent thanks him. "But Lionel," she adds, "I hope you're not expecting something on a personal level." Papa Luthor's face gets very serious. "The two of us will never be anything more than friends," MamaKent says, breaking his tiny, shriveled heart. It's nice that she's being up-front, but also a tiny bit presumptuous. Then again, we all know the Magnificent Bastard doesn't do nice things for free. "I understand," he says, fake-smiling. He understands that you hurt his feelings, dammit!
Back in "Central America," chickens and a pig roam the streets. Chaos! Clark asks two young Latinas if they've seen the man in the photo. They giggle at Clark and shake their heads. In Honduras, they call him "El anglo muy tonto." Clark sees the little boy from last week carving into the wooden spaceship sculpture. "Can I see that?" Clark asks. He takes the carving and examines it. It's not to scale, Clark.
Met U. Lana, looking sneaky, is hovering outside a med-school lab. She uses a keycard to get inside the room, which we'll later find out is simply her student ID. A teacher is leading the med students in carving up their cadavers. Pusher Guy is telling his lab partner to cut into the bone two inches below the joint. That's where you get the wishbone. Lana calls his name. He looks at Lana in disgust and asks what she's doing there. Pusher Girl, with her nose ring and goth lipstick, stares. Future doctors of America! Pusher Guy takes Lana aside. "I have to do it again soon," Lana tells him. He tells her that she could get them expelled, and orders her to get lost. Lana pleads that she has to see her parents. For a Nobel Prize nominee, this guy sure is a pushover. He agrees, but it's going to cost her $5,000. Lana smiles: "No problem." She looks worried, because you're supposed to have that look before going to commercials.
Commercials. Pepper Dennis. You're not watching that crap, are you?
Stately Luthor Manor, nighttime. Lex, wearing his black and purple ensemble, walks down the hallway toward his office. He hears something crash inside. Then he hears some rustling. Doesn't he have video monitors somewhere to see what's going on anywhere in the house? Lex touches a secret panel in the wall and removes a handgun. He cocks the pistol and enters the office. He sees a shadowy figure holding a flashlight. Lex, pointing the gun, says, "Don't move." The figure, of course, moves. Lex grabs the person and spins her around, pushing her against the wall. It's Lana, looking sweaty and puffy. Lex puts down his gun-firing hand.
Cut to Lex interrogating Lana later, saying that he had no idea it was her sneaking around his place: "I could have killed you." Wow, how talented is Lana that she got past Lex's deadly security team? I think the security team now consists of a stuffed moose and a puddle of oil in the garage. Lex, sitting down by the fire across from Lana, says that if she needed money, all she had to do was ask. Lana, with her knees curled up around her chin, says she's sorry. She didn't want to lie to Lex. He asks her to tell him what's wrong. "There's nothing wrong with me!" Lana says, smiling creepily enough to assure him that everything is wrong. She gulps. Lex says that she didn't want to lie to him, but she was willing to break in and steal. Ouch. Lex says that she's acting like a junkie trying to get her fix. Thank you, Lex, for spelling it out to those of us too dumb to get that. Lana looks pretty hurt and offended. She's a thief, not a drug addict! Show some respect! She tells Lex that there's a guy at school who's created a chemical. "So it is drugs," Lex says. Lana says it's not what he thinks: "They kill you and then they bring you back." Oh, well that's different. That's perfectly fine for you to...WHAAA!?! "Lex, I died," she grins. "I died and I came back!" Yeah. Sweet. Uh, Security? Oh, wait. Damn! Lex rolls his eyes. Lana says that she went to the other side. And it was just as lame over there. Lana says she saw her parents, gushing, "And it was beautiful." Crazy atonal music plays. Lex, in his long black coat, gets up, comes around, and sits to Lana. He puts an arm on her back and says that nobody understands the loss of a parent like he does, and that he understands taking such a chance to see a dead person you love: "You have to look at yourself...look at what you become." Yeah, Lana's less than perfect now, right? How horrifying. Lex says that this isn't what Lana's parents would have wanted. Lana apologizes, but says she wanted to see them so badly, whining, "And I'm just so alone." Manipulation! Lex suggests that they both stop trying to hold on to the people they've lost. Take that, Clark! Lex says that they should be turning to the people they still have in their lives. Lana agrees. Lex says she's cold, and offers to go get her a blanket. As soon as he leaves the room, Lana, sneakily, goes to Lex's desk and grabs his car keys.
"Honduras." The poor little kid -- whom they dressed up like freakin' Spock, for fuck's sake -- leads Clark to where the ship used to be. Thanks, NAFTA! "Señor Fine?" Clark asks. "Si. Señor Fine," the kid tells him. Clark doesn't find SoFine, but does find a giant scorch mark in the shape of a spaceship. Dramatic music. Maybe that big scorch mark is just where SoFine took that dump.
Metropolis dorm. Chloe answers her phone. Hey, the Chloevage is back. Chloe tells Lex that she doesn't know where Lana went, but that she can find out. She promises to call Lex back when she knows. On her way out of the room, Chloe finds a book lying around called Beyond Death. She didn't see that before? Chloe finds something tucked into the book -- a paper or photo -- and looks at it quizzically.
A door with an Ankh symbol on it. Someone knocks, and Pusher Girl opens it. We can see a beyond-lame Marilyn Manson poster in the background. Wow, the crew really studied up on current goth culture for this episode, huh? Chloe gives the tired-looking girl a dirty look and says, "We need to talk." Can we talk about death? That would be cool. Pusher Girl looks like she might have been crying. She says that Lana warned them about her nosy roommate. "You look worse than Lana," Chloe remarks. Thanks, stranger! Snidely, Pusher Girl wraps herself in a blanket and asks Chloe if she's going to go "Mrs. Brady" on her and bring her chicken soup. That actually sounds pretty awesome. Could someone do that for me? Chloe says that she's worried about her friend, who's vulnerable right now after a breakup. She says that the last thing Lana needs is to flunk out of school because she's partying. Pusher Girl coughs into her hand and asks if it's Chloe's business. Chloe says that it definitely is, and that if Pusher Girl doesn't reveal what they're taking, it'll be the university's business, too. Pusher Girl tells Chloe to chill, and that Lana hasn't been moping or taking drugs. Chloe says that Lana hasn't been normal, and that she and Pusher Girl look like poster girls for the Betty Ford Clinic. Say it again, Chloe! You think they're ugly! You love it! Sweet revenge! Instead of smacking her, Pusher Girl tells Chloe to let it go, and that they're done talking. Chloe demands to know what Lana's taking. Pusher Girl calls her small-minded. She says that what Lana wanted was between her and her loved ones. Pusher Girl starts coughing and choking. Chloe asks what's happening. "Near-death experience," she manages. Chloe looks around and sees books on the floor, including Exploring The Afterlife and Experiencing Out Of Body Experience. Books are evil, man. Pusher Girl says that it's a meteor rock compound they're using. She sneezes blood. Chloe calls for an ambulance. "Please," the girl whimpers. "I don't want to die." Weird jump cuts from her to Chloe and back to Pusher Girl. Pusher Girl falls back on the bed. Chloe stands up and says, "Oh God." Oh, God am I bored.
Commercials. Y'all, I am so down with the ATL. Hells to the yizzneah.
The WB has stopped doing the "If you're just joining us..." promos. Not so easy to recap this show, is it? IS IT!?
The spooky cafeteria, at night. They still haven't fixed that fluorescent light. Lana finds Pusher Guy in the lab. She asks what he's doing. "Getting rid of the evidence," he says, as he packs up his death wares, which were all over the place this whole time. I guess there aren't a lot of people eating here during the day. He tells Lana that Pusher Girl is dead. Oops. Lana asks what happened. Pusher Guy says he warned the girl that you could only die so many times before you stay that way. Uh...huh. Words of wisdom. Lana asks if his serum killed her. Pusher Guy says that Pusher Girl did it to herself. Lana looks at the vials and liquid in his carrying case. She says she's willing to take the chance, and wants him to send her back. You...you what?! Idiot! Pusher Guy says that the police could be there any minute, and that he's got to get out of there. Lana hands over Lex's keys and says that they belong to a very expensive Porsche. I don't believe that this guy would put his own safety and freedom aside for a car. If Lana had somehow seduced him or he cared about her in some way, I could see her bending him to her will, but not like this. Bemused, he asks, "You stole a Porsche?" Lana says that she borrowed it from a friend. Don't take it, dude! You'll never get away! "And he wants it back," Lex says, emerging from the shadows. "Lex!" Lana says. The very one. He tells them that the cool thing about expensive cars is that they all come with GPS tracking. That is cool. Lana offers to explain. Lex looks away, hurt. "Lex? Lex Luthor?" Pusher Guy asks Lana. He calls Lana a "dumb bitch." Wow. Pretty strong, Al/Miles! He says he never should have let Lana in on this. Isn't this the part where the guy should be making Lex a business proposal for his genius discovery? Lana begs Pusher Guy not to leave as he says he's outta there. Lex tries to grab him, but gets punched in the face. The jars of green liquid fall out of the case. One rolls toward Lana. Lana grabs the bottle and leaves. Lex and Pusher Guy start fistfighting, but then Lex goes after Lana. Pusher Guy grabs a full syringe and gives chase, stabbing Lex in the back of the neck with the needle. Wow, Lex, nice watching your own back there for the guy you failed to knock out. Lex's eyes go wide and he falls forward. Pusher Guy gets the rest of his things. "Say goodbye, jackass," Pusher Guy says. "I'm gone." Lex's eyes are open as he lies on the ground.
Lex's death trip! Instead of a tunnel of flowers, Lex merely bright-flashes to his own office fireplace. Lex is like, "Did I get shot again?" He breathes heavily. Gets up. Piano music starts to play. Lex turns. Walks toward the sound. Two large candelabras flank the piano. A redheaded woman sits at the piano, playing beautifully. "Mom?" Lex says. The woman in white says that she used to practice this for hours before Julian was born. "You'd sit to me, quiet as a mouse," she tells Lex, smiling. "Such a good little boy." She plays a bad note, mashing her hands on the keyboard, and pulls her hands away. "Never could get that part right," she says. Lex tells her he was injected with a hypodermic. He thinks he went into shock. "No you didn't," she tells him. Lillian steps toward her son. "Like last time? What was it then that brought you to me?" She says he was shot right after plotting the destruction of Bo Duke's reputation so that he could become senator. "How'd that turn out, by the way?" she asks. Lex says that if she were really his dead mother, she'd already know. She says it was a rhetorical question, Alexander. She doesn't seem too thrilled to see her baby. Wow. Hot mama. I just turned thirty-one. Why are all the moms on this show suddenly hotter to me than the younger lead actresses? Lillian says that Lex ignored what she showed him and gave up the life he could have had. He asks what path he's supposed to have chosen. "You think the path you've chosen isn't going to hurt?" she asks. "It will. More than you can ever imagine." She says he's not the only one who'll suffer. She closes her eyes in great pain and talks about a field of flowers laid barren by an emptiness that can never be filled. Oh no. Lex is going to be president of Clear Channel! "Unless I keep you here," Lillian adds, putting a hand on Lex's cheek. Lex closes his eyes. Lillian begs him to stay with her: "Don't let the blood wash away what's left of your soul." Lex asks what she's talking about. He seems scared. "What blood?" he asks. Lillian goes to him and whispers in his ear: "The blood of all the people you're going to murder." Whoa. This is some fucked-up shit right here. Lillian lifts Lex's hand. He's wearing a heavy black glove on his right hand. No! Not the porn hand! Bright light flashes, and Lex is suddenly pulled away through the tunnel. It's not Flatliners, we swear.
Lex wakes up with his back against a wall in a bathroom. Chloe is holding an empty hypo. "God, this stuff's got a kick!" she says. Lex asks what happened. Chloe tells him that she found his body while she was looking for Lana. She found vials of stuff and figured if the green one killed him, the red one would bring him back. How did she know it was the green stuff that got inside him? Lex looks at Chloe in shock. "What?" she asks. "You were already dead. I figured I'd take a chance." Will Lex be grateful that Chloe saved his life? He says that they have to help Lana. Chloe asks where she went. He doesn't seem to know. Welcome back, Lex.
Commercials. If you take a twelve-ounce soda can of Sunkist to the club, I guarantee you hot girls won't be dancing with you.
An ambulance has arrived to take Lex to the hospital. Don't forget to get your Frequent Ambulance Ride card stamped. You get a free Subway sandwich after six of them! Clark shows up. Oh, thanks for stopping by, doofus. Was Supernatural on? He asks Chloe what happened. "Lex died," she says. "What!?" Clark says. His first! Nooooo! Chloe tells him not to worry; she brought him back. However, Lana's about to "take a one-way trip down the river Styx" if they don't find her. She might even come sail away. Clark asks what the hell's going on. Chloe explains it. "So they're killing themselves and coming back to life?" Clark asks. Yes! Jeez! We've been through this! Read your script! He asks why Lana would do something so dangerous. "Because she's hurting, Clark," Chloe says, and I feel awful that she has to say that line. It's hurting. Chloe says that Lana hadn't talked to her or to Clark about her pain, so maybe she turned to the two people who love her most. Al and Miles? "You know, the two people she knows love her unconditionally," Chloe says. Al and Miles? Clark takes a minute. "...Her parents?" he finally asks. Al and Miles! Clark asks how they'll find her. Wanna check the graveyard? Chloe whips out her laptop and puts it on the roof of a car. She says that thanks to Homeland Security, being on a college campus is like wearing an electronic ankle bracelet. Stylin'! She says that they just have to track down Lana's student ID and hope she's still alive. Can we just do the first part?
Lana swipes her student ID at the med-student lab. Wow, everything's blue neon here. How modern science. Lana searches shelves looking for something, and finally finds it: a syringe. She grunts trying to open a glass case. In frustration, she punches right through it. Ow. She grabs a syringe and pulls out the jar of green stuff. Pusher Guy grabs her from behind. He looks a bit like Jack White right now. "I figured I'd find a junkie where the needles are!" he says. Shouldn't you be driving to Mexico right now? Lana tries to stab him with the needle, but he just throws her across the room into a cart. Lana falls. "Let me help," he says. He takes the jar of green liquid and fills a syringe with it. Lana watches. He approaches. Isn't this what she wanted? Why is she resisting? "Tell [Pusher Girl] I said hi," he says, and injects Lana in the neck. Or tries to. Just as he's about to do it, Clark superzips in and yanks him aside. The Pusher has become the pushee. He flies into a bunch of shelves, knocking over priceless brains in jars. Clark asks if Lana is all right. "Clark, please help me," she whines. "I need them!" Clark is about to try to talk some sense into the girl when Pusher Guy runs up behind Clark. Lana tries to warn him, and Clark gets weak from the Kryptonite in the syringe. Pusher Guy manages to stab Clark in the heart. Clark gasps. He screams. Lana cries. That was her fix, you asshole! Clark makes a face and falls. Lana goes to him. Pusher Guy picks her up and smacks her in the face. Man, this guy really does not like Lana. He must post a lot in the forums. Pusher Guy says that Lana's caused him a lot of trouble. "Freshmen," he says dismissively. Yeah, I think it's a little late for playfully critiquing college norms, guys. Lana says that they have to help Clark. "Or choice B," Pusher Guy says. He grabs a surgical saw from a table. Whoa, this guy is mean! The saw spins. He says he'll take care of both of them. Lana grabs a glass and breaks it across Pusher Guy's face. The saw falls and cuts into the floor. Pusher Guy falls right on the saw. It cuts him up good. I keep forgetting how perfect this show is for the ABC Family channel. Blood. Ew. Lana goes to Clark. He's out of it.
Lightning flashes. Clark is somewhere else. He's in the Barnness of Afterlifeitude. Folks, seriously, if heaven is a barn, I'm gonna go out and start misbehaving right now. Clark sits up and touches his chest. There's no needle there. He looks around. Everything is bathed in holy light. Clark opens heavy doors and then backs away from the light. In through the holiness walks Bo Duke. Hey, Bo, good to see you! Have you made it with Marilyn Monroe yet? "Dad?" Clark asks. Bo, beaming, says, "Hello, son." For a dead guy, he's been in quite a few episodes since he shuffled off this mortal coil. They hug. Bo tells Clark that he doesn't belong there and has to go back. Instead of asking what it's like to be dead, Clark whines about his problems and says that he's hurt everyone close to him. Bo says that's not true. Of course it's true! The dead do lie! Clark says that Bo died because of him. He explains about the deal with Jarnelle and how there'd be a price to pay -- the life of someone Clark loves. Clark says that he's sorry. Bo says that Clark has nothing to be sorry about: "I lived a full, wonderful life." He says that he had everything a husband or father could possibly dream of. A daughter? Bo says that he's so very proud he died protecting Clark. Yeah, good job with that -- Clark's dead now. Clark asks what Bo was protecting him from. Bo says that Papa Luthor knows Clark's secret. Clark is shitting a brick. "You can't stay here, son," Bo says. "You've gotta keep your mother safe. You've got to keep the whole world safe." Clark shakes his head and says he can't do it without Bo. Well, tough, kiddo. Bo says he can: "This is your destiny, son." He tells Clark he's going to touch the lives of so many people -- not just as a man (ha!), but as a symbol. A big pink triangular symbol. With a rainbow running through it. Also a symbol of peace, justice, and vaguely Judeo-Christian American values. "And now it's time for you to go," Bo concludes. He pushes Clark right in the sternum. Hee. Clark is pulled back, crying, "Not yet!" Bo says that he'll always be with him. "Tell the cows...I think about them...ALWAAAAAAYS!"
Clark opens his eyes. We see Bo's figure in Clark's pupil before the camera backs away. Clark sits up suddenly. He sees Lana. They don't hug. Awkward!
Kent farm at dusk. Clark enters the house hurriedly looking for his mother. MamaKent comes down the stairs in a burnt orange gown. Holy...WOW! She is looking damn, damn fine. She is a MILC indeed: a mom I'd like to compliment. And I will do so. Effusively. Clark looks sorta surprised, too. "What do you think?" she asks. I think I have a physical reaction. Yow! Clark, his troubles forgotten, says that he thinks she looks amazing. Way hotter than Lex's and Lana's dead moms. MamaKent says that she hopes to avoid dumping soup in her lap in front of the governor. Clark smiles and says she looks great. She does. Damn, woman! MamaKent sees that Clark is worried about something. He says he has to talk to her. There's a knock at the door. MamaKent says he's early. It's Papa Luthor in a tux. She says he looks dashing. "to you," he says with a flourish, "I'm a man in rags." Charming Bastard! "You should always wear that color," he tells her. Clark is like, "I was gonna say that!" Papa asks Clark if she looks beautiful. Clark doesn't know what to say. MamaKent promises that they'll talk the day. She kisses him goodbye. "Your carriage awaits, Senator," Papa Luthor says, escorting MamaKent out. Papa smiles: "Goodnight...Clark." Wow. The man is a smooth operator.
Commercials. New WB sitcom: Modern Men. Don't worry. It'll be gone before you'll even know it existed.
Daily Planet helicopter flyover. Inside, Chloe is explaining to Clark that dying neutralized the Kryptonite in his system. Clark says that it's not something he plans to try again. She asks what Clark found out about Professor SoFine. Clark says that SoFine was definitely in Honduras with the ship. Chloe says that she'll reach out to her sources and see if they know anything else; she says her money's on Clark in the rematch. Clark says that he doesn't think SoFine is the only person they need to worry about. He says he saw Bo Duke when he died. Clark tells Chloe that Papa Luthor knows his secret. Chloe thinks Clark may have just had a hallucination. Clark says that he could feel his father. It was real: "I know it in my heart." Yeah, but your heart loves Lana, so it's clearly defective. Chloe reveals that the source leading her to SoFine was Papa Luthor. And that he's probably the one feeding misinformation to Lex about SoFine being a government operative. Clark gives Chloe the Magnum Steel look. Chloe says that she promised Papa Luthor confidentiality: "He knew exactly how to play me." Clark thinks that Papa Luthor might be playing all of them.
Stately Luthor Manor. Lex is at the piano, playing the piece his mother had been performing. Lana, wearing a purple shirt, watches him. "It's beautiful," she says. Lex says that it's his favorite. Lex, all in black, asks if this is going to be another apology. Lana's got the makeup back on. "Well, they don't make a card for 'Sorry I got you killed,'" she says. Lex says that she wasn't herself, and that he knows what that's like. Lana's relieved that she didn't end up like Pusher Girl. Lex says that crossing over was enlightening. Lana asks what he saw. He says it was his mother. "What'd she say?" Lana asks. Lex starts to answer, and then stops himself, and lies, "She said she's very proud of the man I'm becoming." Lana smiles: "She should be." Lex turns to her. Lana's falling in love. Sadly.
Met U. dorms. Lana is looking at old family photos. Clark knocks in the doorway and asks how she's doing. She says she's felt better, and that she didn't want to hurt anyone. "Except yourself," Clark says. Or was it "accept yourself"? Accept yourself, Lana. Lana says that she didn't want to hurt herself, either. Clark asks why she did it. Lana says that it wasn't because of the breakup. It was a lot of things, like feeling alone for a long time, even around others. Even when she was with Clark. She says that she just wanted to feel her parents' arms again, and their warmth. "Did you?" Clark asks. Lana has tears in her eyes. "Almost," she says. She says that it'll have to do, because she won't let herself be that dependent again, no matter what she's searching for. Clark is lost in this conversation. He says he hopes that's true. Lana nods. Clark starts to leave. He stops at the door. "Lana...all I want is for you to be happy." Lana says, "I will be." Clark exits. Lana blinks. Gulps. Stands there looking a bit at peace with herself. No cheesy music plays, thankfully, and the conversation didn't take place in the barn. Thank goodness for small favors.