Clark wakes up to Lana in his own house (special guest commentary from Butthead: "They, like, did it. Huh huh...huh huh..."), which is a huge mistake, because everyone gets up at the butt-crack of dawn up in this recently destroyed, quickly renovated farmhouse. Sure enough, Clark and Lana are busted. Awkward sex talk ensues as Bo glares. It's interrupted by the usual shenanigans, though: a math genius has figured out a way to infiltrate a military silo where his colonel dad worked, and launch a nuclear missile at a strategic target. Namely? The town of Smallville. Seems the kid thinks the recent meteor shower will bring even more Kryptofreaks to the fore, and he thinks a nuclear blast will fix all that. He warns Chloe, his only friend, to get out of town, but instead, she and Clark find the kid and try to stop him. Unfortunately, Clark gets shot right in the chest, and being that he can't stop bullets with his flannel shirts anymore, he gets rushed to the hospital. And dies. No, really. He's dead. Buggered off. Finished. Kicked the farm bucket. He is an ex-Clark. But somehow he's whooshed away from his mortal-coil bed by Papa Luthor, who escapes the asylum while possessed by Clark's Krypton daddy Jarnelle. Jarnelle and Clark have a conversation at the Fortress of Solitude that goes like this: "I love you, son, but you're an idiot. Go back to town, take these superpowers back and, oh yeah, someone you love will die to replace the lifeforce that you so foolishly squandered for mortal nookie. Have a nice week, son!" Clark takes his powers and stops the nuclear missile in space. He returns home to some very shellshocked parents and Lana. And he knows that someone he loves will soon die. Start your bets. Meanwhile, Lex is still investigating Clark and the spaceship. He thinks Clark's resurrection just proves his case. Papa Luthor returns to the family mansion with no recollection of his Jarnelle body-swap, and seemingly back to normal. Chloe suggests that Clark tell Lana the truth but, dumb-ass that he is, he decides to continue keeping the secret from her. Most surprising? Three for three good episodes so far. I didn't think you had it in you, Smallville.
Ready for a fresh Smallville? How about a fresh recap? Slightly moldy? Five-day old? Slightly-stale-bagel fresh? I'll try to work my cooking skills to reconstitute it for you.
We open upon a zoom-out on the barrel of a gun from the bad end of the equation. We once got in trouble at a newspaper I worked for because we ran a large piece of art of a handgun pointing at the reader; the editor said he didn't want to wake up and see a gun pointed at him over breakfast. And then he was brutally gunned down in an alley later, so he was probably right.... This gun is being held nervously by a blond teen as dramatic music thunders. He tells someone to take out a key. The sweating hostage tells the kid he's out of his mind. We cut out to a wider shot of the kid pointing the gun at the guy. They're in a bunker of some sort. Why are the military installations in Smallville always dark and damp-looking? Do you know how much the military spends on fluorescent lighting every year? The kid tells the hostage that he wouldn't expect him to understand. Oh, I think the gun is a very good explainer. The kid pivots, revealing another military trooper sitting on the floor. The kid rips a key from around the guy's neck. He asks the standing trooper to take out his own key. "LL Bledsoe," as the guy's stitched-on name says, slowly takes it out from around his neck. "No!" the guy on the floor whines. "Do it!" Kid Terrorist yells. Kid Terrorist inserts one of the keys into a very shiny lit silver panel, and tells Bledsoe to do the same over on his side. Ah, the dual-key conundrum. Hasn't the military moved past this level of technology yet? "Don't do it, Tom!" the guy on the floor pleads. Wait. "LL Bledsoe"? "Tom?" Must be short for "LeTom." The guy on the flood keeps telling Tom not to do it, but this LL, Tom, whatever, is weak. He inserts the key and, on three, they both turn them. "Don't dooooo it!" screams the guy on the floor. "I'm sorry," the kid says, and shoots LeTom. Then he shoots the guy on the floor, right through the hand he uses to defend himself. Is this show still on the Family Channel? That is one violent family. Kid Terrorist types one-handed on a keyboard and gets an "Access Granted" message.
Chloe's red VW Bug has a "University of Metropolis: Home of the Bulldogs" bumper sticker on it. She emerges from the back door of The Talon, which is decorated with posters and leaflets. She carries a large container of coffee. Her convertible is loaded up with goods, including a very large red sombrero. Study hard, Chloe. She's answering the phone. It's Gabriel, or Kid Terrorist, as we'll find out. Chloe is impressed that M.I.T. is letting him make calls to pedestrian state university students so early. "You have to get out of town," Kid Terrorist warns her. Chloe, not picking up on the tension in KT's voice, says she's been trying. KT, still at the bunker, tells her it'll all be over soon. Chloe, still oblivious, says, in the words of Boyz II Men, that it's so hard to say goodbye. Chloe alludes to Kid Terrorist being the town's cyberwizard just as she's the star reporter. Not that she's into labels. Kid Terrorist says that Chloe's the only person who'll understand what he had to do and how it wasn't his choice. Chloe picks up on something serious happening. She asks what he's talking about. He asks rhetorically how much time he spent helping Chloe chase big stories at The Torch. Hmmm, let me look back in my recaps and see...mmm, that would be 0 hours, 0 minutes, 0 seconds. Kit Terrorist tells Chloe that, in one hour, the town's gonna get it. "What happens in an hour?" Chloe asks. KT: "Smallville's finally gonna be gone forever." And here I thought it was in the middle of a Season 5 comeback. Kid Terrorist puts down the phone and hits a button. It activates a one-hour launch sequence. The camera zooms past some laptops and computer terminals and toward a metal door opening. There's a giant missile in there steaming up. "U[star]A," it reads. Woo! U[star]A! U[star]A! Some lights on the missile light up. We cut to the opening credits.
Commercials. Batman Begins on DVD. Great movie, despite the Holmes Factor. ["Omar G's views do not necessarily reflect those of Television Without Pity Management." -- Wing Chun]
At the Vancouver home of Al Miles, in bed:
Al: [Yaaaaawn.] Morning, Miles. How'd you sleep?
Miles: Mmm, like a log. Pine. Birch, maybe. I had the most wonderful dream.
Al: What's that?
Miles: I dreamt that, after five years, Clark and Lana finally did it. There was Coldplay music, a million candles, a roaring fireplace, even a pan out to the stars. It was glorious, my friend. As glorious as the heavens and wrapped in thick velvet.
Al: Miles, I have some wonderful news for you.
Miles: You're making waffles?
Al: Better. It was no dream.
Miles: Great glory be!
We come back to an open window with a breeze blowing in the morning. Clark is lying on his side, at home and in bed. The "Neutron"-brand alarm clock hits 6:30 AM. and starts playing music. Clark rolls over. It's Lana! If I were a mean person, I'd say this was worse than the horse's head from The Godfather, but I'll be nice today. Hello, lover. Clark and Lana stare at each other with pretty eyes. "Hi," Lana says, all breathy. Clark, smiling, says the same. Lana, not moving, just keeps grinning and says that was the best night of sleep she's had in weeks. Just sleep? So, is this the same night they lost their virginity, or much later? Maybe they've been up doing the deed every night for weeks. Give it a rest, girl. Clark's mortal now. He needs a break. A grace period, if you will. The radio announces itself playing station KROW, and says it's 6:30. Clark and Lana suddenly panic. Apparently, they weren't supposed to fall asleep here. "I told you we should have gone to the Talon!" Lana whispers as they both shoot up out of bed. Clark stubs his toe and yells, "Ow, ow!" Lana, topless, puts on one of Clark's flannel shirts. Of course, the camera cuts to a closer shot of that action while Clark whines, "It hurts so much!" It hurts us too, Clark. Clark slides on some pants and says that his dad won't be up for another fifteen minutes. He plans to get Lana out of there. Jokingly, Lana says that sticking around for breakfast sounds like fun. Who is this fun, jokey, more mature woman they've replaced Lana with? What did you do with our squirrel-faced pouter? "What?" Clark says, dumbly. Lana asks for her shoe and teases Clark: "'We won't fall asleep, I promise.' What else are we gonna do at 2 o'clock in the morning?" Clark asks if she's mad. Grinning, she says, "Furious." Did the sex knock some personality into her? Is Clark's penis like the Wizard of Oz? What the hell's going on? My world is shattered! Damn you, bed-dwelling Al and Miles! Lana and Clark kiss briefly. It's not oogy.
Staircase mission. As playful music twinkles, Clark and Lana try to make it quietly down the stairs. Why didn't Lana try to slip out the window? Too Dawson's Creek? Holding hands, Clark and Lana make it downstairs without incident, seemingly in the clear. Clark knocks something over, loudly. Oops. They keep sneaking. "Hey, Clark!" Bo says, and suddenly, they're in plain view of the kitchen, where Bo and MamaKent have seemingly been up for quite some time, drinking nonsexual coffee. Awkward! Bo goes from cheerful to "Buh?!" MamaKent's mouth hangs open. Morning-After Lana greets the Kents. Clark says that he can explain. See, he slipped, and fell asleep, and Lana landed on his penis and...oh, this is going terribly! Bo's mind is blown. His brow furrows. Get ready for Hurricane Kent! Bo stands and approaches the non-virgins. Lana crosses in front of Clark and says that she and Clark made their decision together and that she deservers as much of the blame as Clark does. Chalk up another heartland victory for Puritanism! "We-- we're not mad!" stutters MamaKent. Bo gives her a long, dirty look. Haltingly and hilariously, MamaKent says that Clark and Lana are both "...in...new territory!" The Newnookielands. Bo suddenly thinks he married She-Devil of Gargaathaal. Lana looks like she might laugh. Bo says that this is about more than just Lana. It's about every other person Lana's lost her virginity to in the last ten years. Bo says menacingly that he'd like to speak to his son, alone. With a chopping block and a small hatchet. Lana and Clark exchange frightened looks. Clark makes a signal with his eyes, and Lana dashes the hell out of there without saying goodbye. The walk of shame. Good thing there aren't many neighbors nearby.
Bo tells Clark, "You sit down." This is a very funny scene. Clark sort of half-steps when he walks past Bo as if he's expecting a whack on the head and says, "Just...just remember. I am eighteen." Ha! He says he's been in love with Lana since he was about seven, so it's not like they rushed into it. "Please tell me you were at least safe," MamaKent says, out of nowhere. Bo and Clark both raise their heads at the same time to stare at MamaKent, agog. "Yeah, Mom," Clark says very quietly with his head down. You don't want to catch Lana's scorching Chlamydia. "Safe has got nothing to do with this!" Bo says. But to be fair, Bo, those sperms aren't just going to round themselves up against a latex barrier! I think you'll find my platitude to be both true and just. Bo says that Clark shouldn't be doing anything like this, especially not under the Kents' roof. "Look, you didn't do it?" Clark asks. Burn! Bedsheet burn, in fact! MamaKent's face goes, "Whaaaaa?!" She purses her lips and looks to Bo. This may go down as one of the best scenes on the show, ever. Bo says there are conversations he didn't have with Clark because he didn't think he needed to have them. Frankly, the whole girl thing is a major shock. MamaKent interrupts to say that Clark is more vulnerable now. To filthy, filthy whore diseases. Bo and Clark again stare at her like she's crazy.
"Knock knock," someone says at the door. It's Chloe, with impeccable timing. She says she just passed Lana flying out of there. Chloe asks what Lana would be doing there at 6:30 in the-- and she just figured it out. Awkward, Part II: The Awkwardening! Everyone shifts uncomfortably in their chairs as Chloe's heart breaks a tiny bit, at least in my mind. "Ohhhh," she says playfully as the camera zooms in on her. MamaKent changes the subject to ask about Chloe going to Met U. Chloe plays along and explains about the weird phone call she just got. Clark remembers Kid Terrorist as the tech guy at The Torch. Chloe relays the message about Smallville being history in about fifty-three minutes. Bo asks if Chloe's talked to the sheriff. Chloe says she's cried wolf enough times. Bo, giving Clark one last dirty look, says he'll talk to the sheriff while they go look for Kid Terrorist. Bo has lost all control of everything in his life. He's like Hank Hill. Funny orchestral music plays as a counterpoint to all the embarrassment in the room. Chloe smiles and tries very hard not to bust out laughing. Me too.
Talon, daytime. Lana gets home to her apartment, still wearing Clark's huge flannel shirt and that new fragrance "Taint du Farmboy." "Early morning or late night?" asks Lex, who will, as predicted, be making every entrance this season as a suddenly-appearing surprise. How did Lana afford all this furniture? She asks what the hell Lex is doing there. Lex says he's been admiring Lana's drawings. He holds a sketch of what looks like Lana and maybe Lex standing in front of the spaceship Lana saw recently. Lex says he didn't mean to pry. Lana guesses he's just going through her things to get better acquainted. She collects her drawings and tells Lex he can't just pop in like this. It's a pop-in! That's bad! Don't do the pop-in. Lex says he'd been trying to get a hold of Lana, but that she didn't respond, so he got concerned. Stalkeriffic. "Lex," she says angrily. "I'm fine." Lex says he wants to talk about the ship. Lana reminds him that he told her she was hallucinating. Lex says he was skeptical, but still believed in her. He tells Lana that he sent an expert out to the site,and that whatever caused the huge hole wasn't a meteor. Kryptonite-powered moles, maybe? Lex asks whether Lana's told anyone about the ship. Like Clark? Lana doesn't say no, but acts as if people would think she was crazy if she did. Lex says that Lana's friends don't have the same faith in her that he does: "You're not crazy." Er, thanks? Lex leaves. Lana makes her angry chimp face.
Military vehicles are rolling through town. Or have they been stuck there since the meteor shower? Bo walks over from a half-assed barricade to talk to Sheriff Cheshire. Cheshire lies that they're just having a routine drill. With giant military vehicles in a tiny town in Kansas. At a local farm. Bo asks whether the drill might have anything to do with the missile silo in the back of the farm. Cheshire advises Bo to go back to his truck. Bo pries some more about the silos and says he thought they were decommissioned after the Cold War. Cheshire, through gritted teeth, says they have it under control. Bo sees military vehicles driving out onto an open field.
Cut to the bunker, where Kid Terrorist is clacking on a keyboard while the timer behind him is counting down from forty-three minutes. Is this episode supposed to be real-time? Bo sure did make it over to the barricade pretty fast.
Military troops have their guns out and are storming down an underground hallway.
Cut back to Kid Terrorist, in the silo. We're supposed to think the troops are about to crash in and capture him. The troops access a bunker, but it's an old one with cobwebs and no activity going on. For some reason, Cheshire was allowed to come in right behind them. She radios, through the thick steel walls, that officers can stand down. They get a message that's all static. The silo in this bunker contains no missile. She says it's a false alarm. A military man with a paunch tells her that a call was rerouted from this station. He tells Cheshire that there are fifteen active silos in the area, and that "he" could be in any one of them.
Back in the right bunker. Kid Terrorist is re-routing the missile path to hit Smallville. Dramatic music plays. Nuclear tension!
Commercials. The Fog. #1 movie in the country this week. Well played, Welling.
Chloe and Clark arrive at a very nice-looking farmhouse that I can't help feeling we've seen before, only from a different angle. Nobody answers. "It's locked," Clark complains. Chloe whips out a credit card to get them inside. She says that's the method for those of us who can't crush metal with our hands. Good thing it's not a deadbolt, eh Chloe? After the breaking and entering, Chloe calls out for Kid Terrorist and for his colonel dad. There's lots of military memorabilia about the house. Clark finds some top-secret materials just lying around that reveal that the retired colonel is not so retired. Chloe admires an Aerospace Engineering degree from Purdue. Chloe wonders if the colonel was the "lighthouse keeper" for the area missile silos.
Chloe and Clark open up wooden sliding doors to another room, causing Chloe to say, "Whoa." They find a room covered in newspaper clippings, including some hanging from strings along the ceiling. "Wall of Weird times a hundred," Chloe marvels. She asks why Kid Terrorist would be so interested in meteor freaks. Clark gives Chloe a look which I thought was from being offended at the term, but it's actually calling Chloe out on her own obsession. Chloe says that journalistic curiosity is one thing; covering your walls like this is another. Chloe asks why Kid Terrorist's dad didn't try to stop him if he was so determined to nuke the town. "I think he tried," Clark says. In the room, they find the colonel's body. He was stabbed or shot in the chest.
We go to LuthorCorp labs. The mysterious spaceship is being examined as workers just walk about. It always amazes me that nobody leaks information to the press about the stuff Lex contracts people to do. That must be one killer NDA Lex has people sign. Lex is chewing out a lead scientist, asking why they haven't been able to open the ship yet. Lex runs his hand along the length of the ship while the scientist explains that they've used a laser even the government doesn't know about, and that they've tried every compound known to man. Lex says that LuthorCorp doesn't believe in finite solutions, and suggests that the craft itself isn't "known to man." Lex asks for out-of-the-box solutions. Way to corporate-speak, Mr. Trump. Lex says that every question in the universe has an answer. He threatens to find someone else if this scientist can't get results. Lex bends down to look under the hood. He notices that the ship has been leaking an oily substance. The scientist hadn't seen that before.
Clark and Chloe are walking outside the Kid Terrorist home. Clark wonders how the military is going to check fifteen silos in forty minutes. Send one troop to each silo, maybe? Chloe says it must be rough for Clark to be flesh and blood and not be able to superspeed the process himself. "It never stopped you," Clark says appreciatively. He asks why Kid Terrorist only trusts Chloe. She thinks he believes she'll be able to tell his story. Clark is hatching a plot in his head. It hurts something awful.
The phone rings at the silo. "Joe's bunker. You plot 'em, we bomb 'em." Chloe pretends to have had a car accident involving a dog and her VW in a ditch while trying to rush out of town like Kid Terrorist told her to. She says she can't get the car started. In the background, as Chloe talks on the phone, Clark is struggling to get Chloe's car into the ditch. "Where are you?" Kid Terrorist asks. Who cares? Everything in town only takes twenty seconds to get to in this episode. Kid Terrorist glances at the giant countdown clock, which says there's thirty-three minutes left, and says he'll be there as soon as he can. Chivalry!
Papa Luthor's new asylum home. Lex is throwing Papa against a padded wall and angrily demanding to know what the symbols mean. The cell where Papa is kept is covered in Kryptonian drawings. I think they mean, "The food here sucks. Send S'mores." Papa Luthor doesn't answer. He gets thrown against the opposite wall. Lex says he's not buying the crazy act: "You're in there." Papa Luthor looks dazed. Lex walks away and says that the markings on the wall are identical to the ones on the ship. That seems to wake Papa Luthor up a bit as he puts his hand against one of the drawings. "You'll never open it," he says quietly. He got Lex's attention. "Only he can open it," Papa Luthor whispers. The guy from AAA?
Roadside. Kid Terrorist pulls up on a motorcycle to help Chloe with her "stalled" car. It's the end of the world, but remember to wear a helmet. In very fast talk, Chloe tries to explain what happened. Kid Terrorist says it's all right. Clark calls out, "Gabriel!" Whups. "Which silos did you activate?" Clark calls out. A bit direct for my taste, but whatever. KT turns on Chloe: "I trusted you!" Clark says that killing everyone's not the answer. Mocking them is better. Kid Terrorist says that Clark's wrong; it's the only answer. He turns in one smooth move and shoots Clark right in the chest without aiming. Nice shootin', Tex. There's a hole in Clark's blue shirt. And blood. Chloe screams, loudly. She tries to run to Clark, but runs right into Kid Terrorist. "Clark!" she yells, believably. Clark, thunderstruck, falls to his knees as Chloe is carried away by KT. How's he gonna get her to stay on that motorcycle? Clark coughs up blood. He lands on the ground, on his back. The camera pulls away as blood pools underneath Clark. For once, it's an effective crane shot. We go to commercials.
Superman killed by a single gunshot! Brought to you by the movie version of Doom.
Full text of the welcome-back promo: "If you're just joining us, Clark Kent has been shot. And now, back to Smallville." You're welcome.
The hospital. Who called the ambulance? Who knew where Clark was? Clark is rushed in on a gurney. Clark's got massive bleeding. He's shipped to the OR. MamaKent and Bo are already there, defying the laws of space and time, asking how Clark's doing. The doctor tells them that the bullet might have pieced his lung. Bo and MamaKent are stunned. They hug in the hospital hallway.
Silo. The computer says it's DEFCON 1. Chloe stares at the screen in a panic. She tells Kid Terrorist that Clark could die out there. He tells her it won't matter in twenty minutes. Guess it's not exactly real-time, since we're barely at the episode halfway mark. Chloe watches as the coordinates are fine-tuned for the missile. "You're going to kill everyone in Smallville!" she says. Good thing all the Kryptofreaks are up at Belle Reve. She asks how he can do this. KT misunderstands the question and explains that only a "moderate genius" would be needed to crack the 1979 codes set up for the silos. He had watched his dad do the same drills for ten years. Chloe gives him the crazy look. He asks her not to look at him like that, and bends down to talk to her where she's tied to a chair. "You're safe," he says, "with me." He tells Chloe she's getting what she's always wanted: the story of a lifetime. Disgusted, she says, "You actually think I care about that right now?" He gets mad and tells her that the recent meteor shower left ten times more meteor rock than the last one. He predicts a whole new wave of meteor freaks. Smart, that. "This is...the only...way...to end it," he Shatners. He says it's his one chance to be a hero. The clock says there's sixteen minutes left. Chloe says he's killing innocent people. "'Innocent'?" he asks. He says that all the meteor freaks were innocent before their exposure, too. His dad warned him to stay away from those rocks because they turned people into demons. "Your dad," Chloe says. "Were those his articles on the wall?" Kid Terrorist says that his dad tried to warn people about the meteor effects. And he never got in contact with meteor rock freak expert Chloe Sullivan? KT says that, during the last meteor shower, his dad became one of them. Chloe tells KT that some people consider their special abilities a gift, and that he didn't have to kill his dad for not being normal. Kid Terrorist says his dad asked him to: "No one wants to live like that, Chloe. Pretty soon no one will have to." He stares at the missile beyond the glass barrier.
Clark, at the hospital. That's a pretty tiny bandage for a gunshot wound. Lana comes in to see him. It's been, what, three minutes? Maybe those surgeons have Clark's superpowers. I guess this is a fast-food-style hospital. From admission to visitors in under five. Lana sits to the bed. Why does she get to come in before MamaKent and Bo do? Maybe it's a dream sequence. Lana, crying, tells Clark that, from the first moment she saw him, she knew that no one could make her happier. That's why she dated other guys before him, right? She says she knew he'd never change; he'd always be running around trying to save the day. "All those times I pulled away," she says, stroking his hair, "it's because I knew this day would come." Clark stirs in his sleep and wakes up. It's a miracle! Except for the part where he flatlines. Nurses and the doctor rush in, telling Lana she's not supposed to be there. I guess the surgery was a bit rushed, huh? Well, now we know. They get Lana out of there. Work's being done on Clark. The ceiling-cam revolves around. Sad music plays. Defibrillation!
Just then we cut to Papa Luthor's open eyes. They're cloudy, but suddenly go clear.
Clark. Emergency measures. Maybe some lights would help. No? Dark is better? Well, you're the one with the medical degree. Lana watches, helpless. Clear! Defib!
The camera whooshes in as Papa Luthor sits up straight.
Clark. Oxygen mask. Lana is crying. The swiveling camera is making me dizzy. Clear!
Close-up on Papa Luthor's face.
The camera circles and zooms down from the ceiling onto Clark's body. The medical team has stopped.
Papa Luthor walks within his cell. He smashes through the glass wall with his fist. Outpatient! The camera pans up his front. Then he superzips down the hall. I would love to see a show where Papa Luthor has superpowers.
Lana cries. "Okay, I'm calling it," the doctor says sadly. "Time of death, 7:18 AM." Wow, a lot's happened since 6:30. Clark's face is limp. Lana rushes back into the room and holds Clark's head in her hands. She sobs. A nurse helps Lana out. The doctor pulls the sheet over Clark's face and leaves the room. Death of Superman, eh?
Commercials. Go see what Jensen Ackles is up to on Supernatural.
Bo and MamaKent sit in the waiting room, holding hands. Lana walks into the room, sobbing. So...it's good news, then? Full recovery? "Oh, no," MamaKent sighs. The doctor walks past Lana and says, a bit robotically, "Mr. and Mrs. Kent, we did everything we could. But we lost him." Could you tell him to come back when you find him? We need to finish up sewing his lung back together. Bo, stunned, holds a sobbing MamaKent. A nurse comes in and tells the doctor that there's a problem with the Kent boy. More of a problem than death? Everybody rushes to Clark's exam room. He's gone, Jim! Maybe he moved to UPN.
Two-minute warning on the countdown clock. Chloe eyes one of the dead military guys on the floor as Kid Terrorist taps away at a keyboard. Chloe manages to untie her bonds. She creeps to the dead guy and takes his nightstick. Just when she's about to whack KT, an alarm goes off, sealing the outer door. He turns, but it's too late. Chloe cracks him across the jaw. He falls. Chloe types furiously, but is told that access is denied. One minute left. Launch sequence is activated. Chloe goes around the desk to look through the glass. The missile silo opens. Kid Terrorist points a gun at Chloe. Yeah, she really should have checked on him, first. She almost disarms him lickety-split and elbows him on the face. Son a colonel, huh? They struggle with the gun. "Why couldn't you understand?" he screams. "This is the only way!" They struggle some more with the gun, lowering it. Blam! Blood sprays on the glass. Did you..did I...was it...ah, yes. Kid Terrorist is the one who got shot. He falls. The glass barrier closes. The launch sequence counts down the last ten seconds. "Ignition!" We see fire on one of the monitors.
The fire goes white as we transition to Clark, lying down. He's fully clothed (you don't want to transport a Kryptonian naked, do you?) at the Fortress of Solitude. Papa Luthor, who also got some clothes along the way, stands at the entrance in a long black coat. "Hello, Kal-El," he says in a British accent. Clark asks how he knows to call him that. "You're my son," Papa says. Noooooo! Oh, wait. Yes! "Jarrelle," Clark asks? Jarnelle, actually. Lion-El? (tm Cyb) "Jor-El" to his business associates. Papa Jarnelle says that he hopes in time Clark will call him Father. What are you, stepfather of the year all of a sudden? Clark remembers being at the hospital. He asks how he got there. "The portal at the cave," Lion-El answers. I must say Mr. Glover is rocking the Terence Stamp accent. Nice going. Lion-El says that when the crystal came in contact with Papa Luthor's body, it became a repository of knowledge and a vessel for Jarnelle, should he ever want to contact Clark. Or just when there's nothing on satellite to watch. We've secretly switched Papa Luthor with an AT&T calling card! Will anyone notice? Let's watch. "Am I dead?" Clark asks. Doofus, did you not just hear what Lion-El told you? "Your mortal journey is over, yes," Lion-El says. Wow, that was a short journey, but at least there was sex in the middle. Lion-El says that Clark's destiny is too important to be sacrificed. So Clark's getting his powers back. Sorry to burden you with that, Clark. I know it's a bummer being all super and stuff. "Unfortunately, this...rectification...does not come without a price," says Lion-El. Clark knows from rectification. The camera zooms in creepily on Lion-El. "The life of someone close to you will be exchanged for yours," he says. Long pause. "No," Clark tells him. He says that he'd never ask for that. Lion-El says he already did when he gave up his powers and disobeyed Jarnelle. "It was your choice," Lion-El says. Superoops! Clark asks not to be brought back. Lion-El says it's too late. They've already printed up the business cards and everything. Lion-El says that for everything in nature there's a balance. Also? A season. Turn, turn, turn. Papa says that the life force given to Clark will be taken from someone...long pause...someone Clark loves. Ricky Martin? "You are about to face your darkest hour, my son," Lion-El says. Lion-El puts his hands on Clark's shoulder and tells him that the lessons we learn from pain are the ones that make us the strongest. And in that spirit, he punches Clark in the gut. Not really. Lion-El hugs Clark. They glow together. It's not as creepy as it sounds. "Always know that I love you," says Lion-El. And no, I won't be going for the easy joke there. Clark and Lion-El both seem to disappear in a flash of light.
Kansas road. Clark superzips into town. In the distance, a missile is launching. Hey, isn't that from The Day After? Clark superzips toward the launch site. He bends down in slow motion and launches himself into the air into a superjump, hanging on to the side of the missile like he's freakin' Spider-Man. We get a bird's-eye view (if that bird were to get killed by fire in a second) of the missile flying by with Clark attached. Very Apollo 13. Clark straddling the giant rocket, determined to reach the summit with that steely glint in his eye, is far and away the Gayest Look of the Episode. Clark claws his way to the top of the missile, grabbing chunks of metal with his hands. The missile drops the lower part, leaving only the cone, middle, and Clark floating in space. Clark continues to climb, trying to reach the pointy top. The second part of the rocket falls away, and now it's just Clark and the military butt plug, as it were. Clark somehow knows where on the missile to tear away a panel and remove the warhead. Dude can barely long-divide! Clark removes the warhead and flings it out into space. It explodes. I'm sure no other country noticed that. The tip of the missile, with Clark on it, falls back to Earth.
Bunker. Chloe is crying. Something flashing on the screen in front of her catches her attention. "Missile malfunction," it reads. Chloe, teary, smiles in disbelief.
Kent home. Bo is calling the police to tell them that his son (or the body of his son) was lost. Someone asks what happened, and Bo tells them that if he knew that, he wouldn't be calling. Bo tells the person on the phone to get Sheriff Cheshire (who's probably a bit busy right now) to sort this out. Someone comes through the door. It's Clark, looking hilariously like he got blown up by one of Wile E. Coyote's Acme bombs. His clothes are in tatters and he's got soot all over him. "I'll have to call you back," Bo says. MamaKent, crying, comes over to hug Clark. Bo is still mad his eighteen-year-old son's not a virgin. "Son, they told us you were dead," he says, sadly. Clark mumbles something, and he and Bo hug. "I was," Clark says. "Jor-El," Bo says. MamaKent guesses that Clark's powers were returned to him. "I'm not human anymore," Clark says sadly. He says it's the only way he could come back. Bo says they heard about a missile malfunction and asks if Clark stopped it. Clark nods. Bo says he knows it's not easy to sacrifice the thing you want most to save others. "We're so proud of you, Clark," he says. It is a lump-in-the-throat moment, I'll admit. Clark looks from Bo to MamaKent and just looks horribly lost and sad. He walks past them, saying that the sacrifice would have been not coming back at all. Bo asks if there were any strings attached to Jarnelle giving Clark his powers back. Clark lies that there weren't.
Knock at the door. Lana enters the house on her own. She calls for Bo and MamaKent. Triumphant rock music plays as Bo and MamaKent hug. We cut to Lana at the house entrance, teary-eyed. Clark appears in the doorway, looking like he was chewed up by a mountain lion. Lana gulps. "Clark," she whispers. She runs to him. He catches her in his arms, closes his eyes, and spins her around. They stay that way as the camera pulls back, Clark holding her up and their height difference never more apparent. It looks like the end of an episode, but there's still a whole segment left. Cut to commercials.
One-minute preview of The Fog. I've completely lost my capacity to gauge the quality of a horror movie based on previews. Basically, though, Tom Welling is driving through some of the titular fog when his truck crashes into a ship that suddenly appears in the road. Scary! If you don't have auto insurance.
Stately Luthor Mansion at night. Lex is sitting and waiting, as if he knows someone is about to come through the door. Maybe he finally hired some security. Lana bursts through in angry-squirrel mode. You'd think she'd be too thrilled about Clark to show any other emotions right now. Lex says he heard about "Clark's resurrection." He says he doesn't believe in miracles, but that he did his share of asking for them today. "Me too," Lana says, but thinks Lex was praying for very different reasons. Lana opens up her ginormous red purse and hands over Clark's medical file. How the hell did she get that? "That's confidential," Lex says. I'm sure he already had access to it at some point. Lana says she heard Lex ask for it at the hospital. That had to have been a ruse. Even Lex knows better than that. Lana says that all of Clark's tests came back normal. Except for the being-dead part. Were those tests done while he was lying there, shot? Lana asks when Lex will realize that Clark is just like the rest of us. Lex stands: "Do you really believe that?" Fair question. Lex tells Lana she can't deny she's had doubts about Clark's honesty, too. "I was wrong," she says. "Believe me, there's nothing unusual about Clark except his ability to see the good in people who don't deserve it." So, the missile? Coming back from the dead? None of that weird, Lana? She is not only a French countess, but the supreme Queen of Denial. Lex tells her that whatever new lie Clark told her, a normal person doesn't rise from the dead. Lana turns and leaves.
The camera spins around as someone else makes an appearance: Papa Luthor, looking as magnificent and bastardous as ever, comes in through a side entrance. He raises his arms: "Aren't you going to give your old dad a hug?" Lex is surprised and doesn't hug. He says he was told Papa Luthor was missing from Belle Reve. Lex scoffs that Papa Luthor's been catatonic for weeks. Papa says he overheard Lex say he's been looking for miracles all day: "Looks like I'm it." If it was a reference to The Comeback, it sure was a sly one. Papa goes straight for the Scotch. Lex asks if Papa Luthor can explain why he's been walking around mumbling things like "Krypton" and "Kal-El." Papa Luthor repeats the words as if they're a foreign language. He says that the last thing he remembers is standing in that room arguing with Lex. "That was weeks ago," Lex says. Lex pulls aside a floor rug and shows Papa Luthor a Kryptonian symbol carved into the floor. Papa says it looks like something from the cave. Lex must be thinking that everyone in the world is crazy except him. "What is it?" Papa asks. Lex says that Papa Luthor carved that symbol into the floor with a corkscrew. "Oh, wasn't I creative," he laughs. Ha! Awesome. Papa says he wishes he could unravel the labyrinth of his subconscious for Lex, but sorry, dude. Lex is frustrated. "I have my father," he says amiably. "What's to disappoint?" Lex says it's cause for celebration. The two smile slyly at each other.
The Barnness of Not-the-Fortress-of-Solitude. Clark sits, sulking. Chloe walks up the stairs to Clark's loft. She tells him that when Kansas didn't merge with Oklahoma, she figured Clark was involved. Clark says it looks like she's all right. This is the first time he's seen her since everything happened? How about rescuing her from the silo? Chloe's wearing a very fetching top. She says that Clark looks good, too, for a dead guy. Clark is one non-zombie who might actually benefit from eating some brains. "You went and got your powers back, didn't you?" she asks. She comes over and sits to Clark. A barn scene with Clark and Chloe? Tell me I'm not dreaming. Clark says he didn't have a choice. Sad David Gray music plays. Chloe tells him she knows he's dreamed of a normal life, but that banality is way overrated. She says it'll make her role of sidekick a lot easier if Clark can bring his superpowers along. "Not that we didn't make a great team out there today," she adds. Well, except for Clark getting killed, it was a flawless plan. Reading my mind, Chloe concludes, "Minus the part where I was kidnapped and you were shot." She asks if Clark is healing, or how that works. He shows her his wound, only there is no wound. She touches his bare chest. Yowza. Calm it down, girl. "Unscathed on the surface," she says.
Clark stands. He moves toward the camera. Chloe comments that that's not what's going on underneath. He sighs that he'll never escape who he is, and that he's back to lying again. And hoping nobody will ask to see the scar. "Namely Lana?" Chloe asks. "We've never talked about Lana," Clark says, trying to head off the conversation at the pass. Chloe says they never had to, but that she's a big girl now. At this point, I don't see how someone could not love Chloe. She's even past the point where she gets moody and sad when Clark's totally doing it with Lana. Classy, mature, smart, funny, ass-kicking, weapons-toting...I'd tell the producers to give Chloe her own show, but someone already went and did that, minus Chloe herself. Chloe says she liked being the only one to know Clark's secret; it made her feel, for lack of a less cheesy word, special. She suggests that if Clark believes he can stay with Lana and not tell her his secret, he's fooling himself. Clark says he has no choice; he can't expect Lana to react the way Chloe did. "Don't you think you owe her the choice?" Chloe asks. See, this is why I get annoyed with all the Kryptovillains and cheesy China/octagon plots. There is so much here, already, just among the central characters, to address and explore, that you could build whole episodes around these questions. Scenes like this are the best part of the show. But then I guess you lose the action, and the thirty-foot throws. Happy medium, anyone? Clark says he can't take that risk. (The Lana risk, not my show suggestion.) He turns from Chloe. He says he's risked too much already, and now someone else will have to pay for it. Isn't it a bigger risk not to tell Lana the truth, given her well-known stance on thecrets and lieth? Chloe asks Clark what's going on. Red-nosed and emotional, Clark says he never should have given up his powers: "Why didn't I listen to him? Chloe, I think I've made a terrible mistake." You and GOB. We go to black on Clark's frightened look and David Gray's voice.