Exodus

It doesn't seem all that long ago when I was at my high-school graduation and you had all the smoking kids and the student-council kids and the drama geeks standing in little clumps on the football field, but then they played that Boys II Men song, "End of the Road," and everybody got emotional and gathered in a circle, hugging and singing along. It didn't matter who you were; band geeks and preppies and yearbook snobs all bonded together. And so it is with this episode. We made it through another season, folks. And whether you're a HoYay!-er or a Naysayer, a Lana Lover or a Chloe spine donor, a Lexian or totally Clarkified, it's time to stand together at the end of another year and say: Hey, this finale wasn't all that great.

But I digress. In fact, let's just call this entire recap one big digression. Like the episode it's based on.

Previously on the season finale: Clark and Lana kissed; Chloe saw it all. Professor Snideface, perhaps as a personal favor to me, woke from his brainbusted coma and told Papa Luthor and Lex that Clark is destined to take over the world. Lex broke into Dr. Dropkick's office and stole the vial of Clark's blood. The wedding was off. And Clark stepped into the orange glowing light of the storm cellar after a voice told him that "the day is coming."

We pick up right where we left off, with the glowing orange light of the storm cellar and the blissful ignorance of everyone in a mile radius. Down in the cellar, Clark is squinting against the orange glow. Whatever's down there also brought a wind machine with it. It's the spaceship! It's glowing like an ad for Target. The space voice says, "Fear not, Kal-El." Clark yells at the ship, "Who are you?" The ship is "Jor-El." And Jor-El comes with a five-year, 50,000-mile warranty. The ship turns and faces Clark. Clark, still yelling over the din (wanna turn that down, dad?), says he thought his father died. The ship stands up, just to show that it can, and says that it's Clark's dad's memory and his will. Couldn't he have just sent a lawyer from his estate? The ship says it's there to guide Clark through all the days of his life. No one will notice Clark walking around everywhere with a giant yellow ship following him, telling him what kind of sauce he should get with his teriyaki chicken. The ship somehow sheds its exterior and turns into a floating metallic egg. Completely and totally unnecessary. I think the special-effects guys just wanted to get their Benjamins on. The ship blabs about how when Clark arrived, he carried the hopes and dreams of his people. The ship pronounces "hopes" the way Lorne Michaels would.

The ship says "It is time" and morphs into a spinning globe of the Earth. The room goes from yellow to cool blue. Does the show do rock-concert projections as a side gig? The ship says it's time for Clark to accept his destiny. In a really funny line reading, Clark begins, "I don't know what you have in mind for me, but..." The ship says Clark will return to him (It? There? Where?) once his destiny is fulfilled. The camera does a sudden Sam Raimi-looking zoom from the ship to Clark. Clark turns, and there are glowing projections of MamaKent and Bo Duke, with Lana standing at the front. The ship says that Clark's thoughts are not a mystery. Maybe it's because Clark has no inner monologue. The ship says that these people have served their purpose, and that it's time to leave them. Especially Lana. Clark reaches for her, and she crumbles into a bunch of data bits, like a clip from Simone, a movie I hope none of you paid to see. Everybody shatters, and it's not a bad effect. Clark stares at his hologram-busting hand. Clark turns and defiantly yells that everything and everyone he loves is there in Smallville. So he's including inanimate objects here? Way to weigh down your argument, Clark. The ship didn't seem to hear Clark. It says it will guide Clark through his future. Clark yells that he doesn't want guidance. Clark says he wants to create his own future. I'm getting an awful Matrix Reloaded flashback. ["Any reminder of that movie is awful." -- Wing Chun] The ship says that Clark has no choice. It's become a yellow egg. Now it spins furiously. Don't fuck with the space egg! The egg explodes with light. We cut to outside, where the light shooting from the storm cellar is now baby lace white. As we stay on it, the light suddenly turns off. We go straight to opening credits.

Commercials. Applebee's now serves Bleu Cheese Sirloin. Because Sirloin alone is simply not enough fat.

Kent Farm in the morning. No way! Terence Stamp was the voice of the ship! I thought there was something a little Priscilla about it. Bo Duke and MamaKent emerge from the front door of the house and see Clark. Bo notices with relish (and a little mustard) that Clark is up early. Clark, sitting on the porch steps, says that he never went to sleep. MamaKent, shot from a terrible angle, asks what's wrong. Clark says he "kind of" met his biological father the night before. MamaKent and Bo exchange exhausted and worried looks.

Storm cellar. Clark explains that when he heard the voice, it was coming from the ship, but it sounded like it was coming from Clark's own head. Maybe that's because there's an awful lot of space in there. The acoustics are probably fantastic. The ship was telling Clark to leave Smallville and fulfill his destiny. Clark says he has until sundown. "Or what?" Bo asks. They all stand near the now-benign metal ship on the floor. Clark says he's not sure what, but he doesn't have a choice. Clark whines that his life is just coming together. The farm's out of debt, he's going to be a big brother, he and Lana are finally "getting together." Why, oh why, poor me, the superhero moans. MamaKent gravely says that whatever Jor-El has in mind, they're not Clark's hopes and dreams. "Clark. You choose. Your own destiny," Bo William Shatners. Bo says that nobody can decide that for Clark. Many looks are exchanged until Clark has had enough and steps forward. He says that this is his home. And they're his parents. And this is where he belongs. He's not going anywhere. Hear that, Saddam? He's proud to be an Amur-ican, where at least he knows he's free! If you don't like it, you can git out.

Lex is in his stained-glass windowed office. We pass over a stack of wedding gifts (don't people usually bring those to the wedding?). He's holding the tube of Clark's blood out in plain sight. As much as I love the Clark and Lex love, I hope he doesn't do anything naughty with that vial to get closer to Clark. Lex stares at the blood and seems to have some sort of realization. He's a vampire! And it's lunchtime! No, wait. Lex's appetite must have been sated by pure homoerotic fantasy.

Lex steps out into the hallway and, in plain view (this must be "Bring Your Plain-View Sneaking-Around To Work Week"), Dr. Dropkick and Papa Luthor are talking, engaged in some sort of shady dealing. Dropkick hands an envelope to Papa Luthor and walks away. Lex says he hasn't noticed them together since his father tried to bribe her into leaving Lex. Papa Luthor holds up the shiny silver envelope and says that now she's refused to accept his wedding gift. He asks the "star-crossed lovers" to excuse him, walks between them, and goes down the hallway. How does he keep getting in the house when they don't want him there? Lex asks what that was all about. Dropkick says it's exactly what Papa Luthor said. Undramatically, she walks off, saying she's tired of being a pawn in their neverending game. Lex follows her into the office. He brings up last night's argument and says he doesn't want any secrets between them. She says she hasn't held anything back. Lex opens a humidor on his desk, pulls out the metal cigar holder, and hands it to Dropkick. "I have," Lex says, "look inside." It's his subscription card to The Advocate! Dropkick opens the tube and finds Clark's blood sample. Lex says he did break into her office, and that's what he was after. Oh, and some Vicodin. Lex says he's told Dropkick because he's trying to break the cycle. He doesn't want to be the person who did this anymore. Except that he's been the person who did that the entire time they've been together. Kiss this girlie goodbye, Lex. Dropkick says that Lex committed a crime and violated both her privacy and that of her patients. She asks whether Lex just expected her to forgive him and they'd live happily ever after. Lex says he doesn't know what he expected; he just loves her. Aw. "I'm sure in some part of that twisted mind, you do," she says. She's got tears in her eyes. As she starts to walk away, Lex says he didn't have the blood analyzed. She stops and asks what was so important about the blood sample. Lex says he thought it would give him the answers he's been looking for. Namely, "How gay am I? Can I date a superhero?" She says that all the blood did was end their relationship. Ooh, burn. Lex swallows really hard on that knowledge. Its taste? Not so good.

Oh, gawd. The Lana/Clark snuggling scene. Lana and Clark are hugging on a picnic blanket, two horses watching them. Hey, didn't one of those horses belong to Jocko Whitney? And didn't they use to snuggle and picnic like that? I bet that's his blanket, too! If this show were just a little dirtier, I might think that she was even wearing special lingerie that Jocko had bought for her. (Hint: Always gift her with pink.) Lana, hugged by Clark, asks if he's okay. He says he's all right. He has Terence Stamp's voice in his head, but otherwise, he's fine. Lana pulls back and playfully says that she can always tell when Clark is being less than truthful. It happens when his lips move. Clark, pimple on the chin (do Kryptonians get pimples?), says he's waited so long for them to be together that he doesn't want it to go away. Lana says she's not going anyway. Damn, I just lost a $50 bet! As strummy, strummy alt-crap plays, Clark leans in for a kiss. They go full-fish-mouth with their CPR dummy kiss. Man! Suck her lung out, why don't you, Clark? The horses completely rearranged themselves in the five seconds of that scene. Lana and Clark kiss some more. I got get a beer. Clark asks if Lana is officially his date to Lex's wedding. You have to ask? Lana says only after they officially tell Chloe about their change in status. So you can gloat? Lana says she's been avoiding Chloe all day. Nice fucking friend. And roommate, for that matter. And sister! Clark says he wants to tell Chloe. He's broken her heart six times, and he's trying to go for lucky seven. Lana agrees. Because she's chickenshit. Lana guesses Chloe will be fine. Think again, pinky. The horses rearrange again on the wide cutaway. Damn those teleporting horses!

Stately Luthor Manor. Clark is reading a headline from the Smallville Ledger. It says, "Luthor Senior Spelunks Junior from Caves." Can "spelunk" be used as a verb like that? He's standing in front of the stack of wedding gifts. Lex walks in ("Looking for your BLOOD, Kent?") and says he never realized the small-town press could be so pithy. Hee. They pithed Lex off. Clark asks what Papa Luthor is doing down in the caves. Lex says his dad has a team working overtime and installing some sophisticated machinery. For someone who's trying to suss out all of Clark's secrets, Lex sure does blab a lot and show his own hand too quickly. Maybe he's just weak around Clark. Clark asks what the equipment is for. Lex says he wishes he could say, but that he's the last person allowed in the caves. So Lex got all this intelligence, but not information that was actually important? That's not like Lex at all. Lex says that security's been tightened. He doubts Clark will even be able to sneak past. Oh, you don't know the sneaky. Clark asks where he can find the tailor. Is this code? Lex says he cancelled the tailor. Lex says it's because Dropkick isn't walking down the aisle tomorrow. Long pause. I wait for Lex to say, "YOU are!" In my imagination, at least, it's the Gayest Look of the Episode. One thing I'm thankful for on this show is for all the long pauses and slow deliveries of lines. I don't know that I could keep up with The West Wing or Gilmore Girls. Clark says he saw Dropkick the night before and she seemed happy. Lex gets out of his chair and says that a lot can happen in twenty-four hours. 24 shout-out! Clark asks why Dropkick broke it off. Long Lex speech. He says he's always fought his destiny to avoid becoming his father. Lex says we all have certain genes that dominate us no matter what. For instance, I have a pair of Levi's that control all my waking thoughts. "What'd you do?" Clark asks, with sad puppy eyes. Lex only says that he betrayed Dropkick's trust and then did something very un-Luthor-like: he confessed. Lex sits down. "My guess is he didn't," Clark says in dialogue that looks looped in. Lex says not to tell anyone. He wants to hold on to his romantic notions for one more day. You mean the day of the wedding? When everybody's going to be dressing up and bringing gifts and inconveniencing themselves. This world revolves around Lana, Lex, not you. Haven't you learned anything this season?

The cave of former high-school partying. A big machine that looks like a glass cannon is pointed at the octagonal depression in the cave wall. Do you suffer from octagonal depression? Try Cavax. Side effects include nausea, plot contrivance, and an unhealthy fixation on those who wear the color pink. Clark has indeed managed to slip by "security" (the Smallville universe has the most inept security force in the history of the world) and is checking out all the expensive machines. There's metal scaffolding. Clark touches the glass cannon, and a bunch of lights come on. Papa Luthor -- wearing a white shirt, white tie, and long black coat -- walks in and says that he's going to have to put a stop to Clark's unauthorized visits. "Mr. Luthor," Clark says breathlessly. Papa Luthor asks what Clark is doing there. Clark goes into monosyllabic teen mode: "Just curious." Papa chuckles. Papa Luthor says that according to the late, great Professor Snideface, Clark is going to rule us all. Dance belts and Queer As Folk DVDs for everyone! Clark tries to sound all haughty. He says he's surprised someone of Papa Luthor's stature would put any stock in what Snideface had to say. Papa Luthor says he knows Clark dealt directly with Snideface. He's sure Clark has "insights" he could share. It's been a while since Papa Luthor tried to shut down Kent Farm. You'd think that would be a way he could gain some leverage into making Clark spill some secrets. "He didn't tell me anything," Clark says. Oh yes he did. He said, "ARRRGGGHH!" and then turned into a tiny piece of charcoal. Clark asks about all the machinery. Papa Luthor lets his tongue play at the edge of his mouth a bit and then answers: he says he's going to unlock the secrets hidden in the walls. Al Capone's vault is in there! Clark reminds Papa Luthor about Snideface and says it's dangerous. Papa says he has something Snideface didn't: the key. He says that when he puts the key in the slot, the answers will be revealed. Clark says he thought the key was stolen. Papa Luthor says it was, but clever him, he had it analyzed and had a duplicate made out of meteor rocks. He leans in really close against Clark's shoulder when he says "meteor rocks." Clark gulps. Papa Luthor shows off the key he had made. It's in a very elaborate, sliding-door flat metal box. Inside is a green octagon. He shows it off to Clark. Clark flinches and looks sick. Papa Luthor notices. Clark has to turn away. He says he's fine. "Be careful," Clark says. Papa Luthor says he's never gotten anywhere playing it safe. Meaningful look exchanged, most of the meaning coming from Papa Luthor.

Lana is standing in front of a three-way mirror. She's the only person in town who has one. And behind Lana in the reflection is a stained-glass window showing a sun. The sun is crowning Lana's head. All right, we fucking get it, she's to be worshipped and loved. Jeez, guys. Lana is holding her pink dress for the wedding in front of her. The music on the radio sings, "You're beautiful." I really hope this is some sort of intentional self-parody, because otherwise it's just disgusting. Is this when all the rabbits and deer come out of the forest to help dress her and the birds tie her hair bow? Chloe comes in to cut through the treacle. She says that Clark's gonna be speechless. She warns Lana that she and Clark might upstage the bride and groom. Lana looks all uncomfortable and asks what Chloe means. Chloe assumes they're going to the wedding together. Lana lies, "Yeah, yeah, as friends." Way to lie to the girl who's giving you room and board. Lana, chickenshit again, asks whether Chloe has seen Clark, and says he's looking for her. Chloe says she's been looking for him all day, but that he's been "mired in Best Man duties" all day. Chloe asks when Lana saw him last. Lana goes bug-eyed and lies again, saying she ran into him at The Talon. Lana says that Clark told her he wanted to talk to Chloe and that it was important. Chloe shrugs and says it couldn't have been as important as Lana thought. Psycho Chloe! "Have fun tomorrow," Chloe says and spins out of the room. Lana looks conflicted. Or constipated. I can't tell which.

Kent Farm. The mailbox says it with pride. Fakest, cheesiest, lamest CGI sunset ever. Clark is standing at the barn loft window, staring out into purple and orange fakery. Bo Duke comes up to Clark. "Figured this is where I'd find you," he says. Huh? Clark says he's watching the sunset and hopes it's not the last one he sees from up here. Well that depends on the Season Three budget. Bo says it won't be. He puts a hand on his son's shoulder and says it's just another sundown. A $20,000 computer-generated sundown. Two birds fly past. They're also part of The Matrix. Bo stares at the sun along with Clark, only it's Bo getting his retinas fried. The sun fades. Too fast! Somebody hit Restart! Bo smiles and says that MamaKent's got dinner ready. Clark stops Bo. Clark thanks Bo for always believing in him. Bo beams with pride and walks downstairs. "It is time, Kal-El," Terence Stamp says. Clark turns. Superman-sounding music plays.

We cut to the storm cellar. Clark walks down the stairs. "You will obey me, Kal-El," the ship says, and it's lit up as if by Christmas lights. Clark tells the ship it's not his father. "I won't let you control me," Clark says. The ship turns toward Clark as if to say, "Oh, yeah?" The ship explodes in a white blast. Clark screams. Clark is thrown up against the far ceiling. Oh, what a feeling! Clark's dancin' on the ceiling! The ship continues to blast out white light. Clark continues to scream. Clark rips open his shirt. Something is burning there. VD's a bitch, huh? Terrence continues that Clark can't fight it and that at the "Zenith of the star Sol," Clark will begin his journey. More chest burning. The ship shuts down. Clark falls from the ceiling. The ship tells Clark that if he doesn't do what it says, Clark will hurt the ones he loves most. Clark looks at his chest. An "8" is burned into the crest symbol from the Superman logo. Ew, scar tissue. Clark rolls on the floor and moans. Commercials.

Is this a jewelry commercial somehow hijacking the WB airwaves via QVC? Nope, it's Clark twirling Lana's old necklace, long after it turned from kryptonite green to cheap-ass crystal white. MamaKent and Bo emerge from the front of the Kent house. They clean up very nice. Especially MamaKent. She asks Clark, who's in his Members Only red jacket, why he's not ready yet. Clark says he still has a few hours. MamaKent says she promised Dropkick she'd go early and make sure the flowers are all right. None of them know the wedding is called off? Dropkick didn't call anybody? Clark says he has to pick up Lana. "We obviously have to get used to the fact that you have a girlfriend now," MamaKent says. Way to emasculate your son. Bo comes up to Clark and asks how it's going today. "Good," Clark lies. "No voice?" Bo asks. Clark says there's no voice. Bo tells Clark he'll have to deal with the future the old-fashioned way. With lots of cheesy special effects. Bo goes over to the truck. Clark stops MamaKent to tell her she looks beautiful today. And she does.

Hospital. MamaKent is in a hospital bed. Bo is watching through a window. Clark, who had time to shower in the house that miraculously is still standing and who put on some new clothes, walks up and asks how she's doing. Bo doesn't look at Clark. He says they don't know yet. "What did you do, Clark?" Bo asks. Clark says he stole Papa Luthor's kryptonite key and put it in the ship. Bo now turns. He asks why Clark did that. Clark says he lied about the voice not coming back. Clark says he didn't have a choice. Bo has the weight of the world on his shoulders right now and looks it. Clark says he had to destroy the ship. Bo asks why he didn't tell them. Well, why was your dumb ass driving home so fast without calling first? Clark says he knew they wouldn't agree with what he did. Clark says he didn't want the ship to take him away from his parents. Bo is seriously red-eyed now. Clark apologizes for what he did. "Your actions have consequences, Clark," Bo says, his voice choking. Clark tries to say something. "There's no time for excuses, Clark," Bo says. "It's too late." Bo, his back to Clark, says that Clark didn't think it through and didn't know what was gonna happen. He's super, but nobody said he was a great thinker. A female doctor -- sadly not nearly as cute as Dr. Dropkick -- says Bo's name. Bo goes over to her. He asks how his wife's doing. The doctor says she has a mild concussion, but that she'll be fine. "And how is our baby?" Bo asks. "I'm sorry," the doctor says, and walks off. That's it? Huh? Does he not have insurance? Bo's lip quivers. Clark tries to say something. Bo ignores him and walks into the hospital room. He closes the door behind him. Commercials.

Those Sims commercials seriously freak me out.

Clark on the set of The Day After. Lana, in regular clothes, comes up and sees Clark staring at the devastation. She says it looks like a bomb went off. She asks where his parents are. "Hospital," Clark says. "They're fine. My mom lost the baby." I guess Lana didn't know about the baby. Clark says it's all his fault. He says he did this. Lana asks how he did this. "Same way I always do. I bring pain and suffering to everyone's lives," Clark mopes. Lana should be suspecting that Clark is some sort of Unabomber. Clark says he's kept so much from Lana. He says that if she knew the truth, she'd never talk to him again. Dating an alien is cool! Why wouldn't she? Clark says he tried to cover up his past and push it away, but he couldn't. "He said if I didn't go, everyone I love would be hurt," Clark says. Yeah, but he didn't say anything about blowing up his ship, you dumb-ass. Lana doesn't get it. She says Clark's in shock. She tries to touch his shoulder, but he jumps and tells her to stay away. He tells Lana to stay away before he hurts her, too. Lana watches Clark as he sissy-jogs away.

Lair of Luthor. Papa Luthor is pouring some tea. He says he's glad someone finally decided to accept his offer. He tells Chloe, who's sitting across from him, that she has a very exciting future ahead of her. Chloe's hair is all punked out. She's got dirty-girl makeup on. With her newly collected cool, Chloe says that opportunities like this aren't dropped on your doorstep every day. She's wearing all black. Papa Luthor asks why the sudden change of heart. She says he was right about Clark. "He wasn't who I thought he was," she says. "Ah," Papa Luthor says. Chloe moans about not noticing earlier, and her lack of instinct. Papa Luthor says that love has a way of dulling even the sharpest minds. I thought that was anger. "But once love has been stripped away," he says, "then we see the real person clearly. They're revealed to us with all their flaws, their foibles, their secrets." Chloe looks intense. Only Papa Luthor could say "foibles" without making me titter. He gets up suddenly and says he has a meeting. Before she's ushered out, Chloe asks why Papa Luthor is so interested in Clark. He chuckles. "You don't expect me to show you all my cards now, do you?" he asks. Chloe guesses not. He says that all will be revealed in good time. Chloe thanks him and leaves. Pap a Luthor pulls that silver envelope out of his coat pocket. Dastardly!

Hospital. Clark watches through a window as MamaKent bawls and Bo holds her. Sadly, this is the best and only real emotional high point in the whole episode. Clark is heartbroken.

High school hallway. Clark walks purposefully (couldn't he just super-zip?) into the Talon offices. He starts searching through desk drawers. Pete finds him. He says he's been looking all over for Clark. Clark asks if Pete is there to tell him he screwed up. "No," Pete says. He just wants to help. Clark says that no one can help him now. Pete asks what he's looking for. Clark says he's looking for one of those red kryptonite rings Chloe kept. Pete asks why since Clark knows what it does to him. "Yeah. It makes me feel better," Clark says. Pete says that's not the answer. Oh, anti-drug message much? Pete says he heard what happened to Clark's mom. Frantic music is playing. Pete tells Clark he has to talk to his folks. Clark stops what he's doing and says he did that. Clark says that Pete should have seen the way Bo looked at him: "It was like I was an alien." But you are an alien! Clark says that if he'd done what he was supposed to from the beginning, none of this would have happened. And what's that? Clark sees a red velvet ring box on the floor. He opens it. Yep. Red kryptonite. Pete tries to stop Clark. Pete tells Clark when he wears it, he's not himself. Clark says that's exactly who he doesn't want to be right now. Clark pushes Pete aside and walks out. "Clark!" Pete yells. You really gotta work on that yell, man.

Clark pulls his "Cool Rider" motorcycle out of storage. He's wearing a white t-shirt. Lana runs up and asks where Clark's going. "Away from here," he says. He's a rebel and he's no damn good! Lana says the Clark Kent she knows wouldn't run away from his problems. He'd just lie about them. Clark says the, uh, Clark she knows is a lie. Clark puts on a black leather jacket. Oh lord. Man. This is c to the h to the EESE! Lana asks why Clark won't just let her in. "Because Lana, you won't like what you see," says Clark. If it's anything like this exterior, it's like Ned Flanders in Hell. Lana shakes her head, goes to Clark, and pulls him by the elbow. She says she's not giving up on Clark. "No one can save me," Clark says. Well then what's Remy Zero gonna do? Lana says that Clark's parents need him. "I need you," she whispers. Ugh. A tear rolls down her cheek. Was that CGI? Clark must not have put on the ring yet because he looks like he wants to stay. "I love you, Clark," Lana says. Those are some big snaps on his collar. "I love you, too," Clark says, "more than you'll ever know." He says that's why he has to leave. Ha! Fooled ya! Clark takes the ring out of his pocket and slips it on. His veins turn red. His eyes turn red and he looks drugged. "Come with me," he tells Lana. Lana says that Smallville is her home. So? What has she got there? A roommate who hates her? Eighty-hour workweeks at a shitty coffeehouse? A Marine in the cemetery? Lana says this is Clark's home too. Clark slips on some shades to make the absurd transformation complete. "Not anymore," he says. He kickstarts the engine and drives off. Lana stands there, crying. She looks around for her cue, but can't find it.

It was a dark and stormy night, in flight. Lex wakes up in the darkened airplane cabin. He looks groggy. He looks around. He asks for Dropkick, but she's not around. Thunder and lightning knock the plane around. Lex stumbles to the cockpit. He opens the door. There are panels hanging, wires, sparks. It's not pretty. The plane is crash-landing into water. We stay with it until the plane hits water and it bursts through the windows. Nooooo!

Road. The Superman thing plays once more as Clark rides along on his chopper looking like the prettiest biker ever. "You will obey me, Kal-El," Terence Stamp says, and this is how we're left for the summer -- with Clark riding away on his bike. The camera follows behind him until we can see what's on the horizon: Metropolis. Ooh, chills. Not from the show, though. I was eating some mango sorbet.

And that's it, folks. It's been a fun season and to those of you who stuck with me despite the wildly divergent quality of the show this year, I do appreciate it. Be gay, play nice, and don't mess with the green rocks. Hope to see you all Wednesdays season.