Smallville TV Show - Luthor - Smallville Recaps, Smallville Reviews, Smallville Episodes | TWoP

Recapped by Tippi Blevins · Aired 2010-12-03

There are no "previouslies" this week, and it's just as well because this episode is like something from a whole different show. Lucky for us, it's a much better show.

We start off outside the Luthor mansion, over which a shroud of perpetual ill weather has been draped. A stained glass medallion within the window bears a medieval-looking "L" that the show must want us to remember for later, since we are invited to gaze on it for several moments before swooping into Tess's study. Tess walks into the room, followed by an Asian woman who's carrying a small metal case. "Not that I've been getting any sleep lately," Tess says, "but this had better be important." Tess's evening visitor turns out to be a lawyer, and she tells Tess about certain conditions of Lionel's will. She hands the case over to Tess, saying it hadn't been discovered until after Lex had died. "You can imagine our surprise when Lionel's heir turned out to be... you," the woman says with undisguised snootiness. [Yes, especially since Tess only discovered it herself two episodes ago. And late-night visitors aren't allowed to be snooty. - Zach] Tess takes the case, making a mental note to have Miss Snooty fed to piranhas later. Once she's alone, Tess opens the case to find a purple silk-wrapped bundle inside. She unwraps it, but we're not allowed to see it for ourselves just yet. Instead, we see only a glimmer of reflected light across Tess's face. Ooh, something shiny. Before she has much chance to study her new thingamajig, she gets a call from Clark. "Calling another woman at this hour," she says, answering the phone. "What would the industrious Lois Lane think?" She's trying to make her voice sound normal when she's clearly shaken by whatever Lionel bequeathed her. The resulting tone is quite humorous. She even smirks slightly, like she knows how silly she sounds. Clark asks her to meet him at Cadmus Labs. Tess is instantly nervous, but agrees to go. She stuffs the purple bundle into the kind of gigantic purse that the women on this show only carry when they need to stash weird and mystical objects that will be discovered accidentally in the scene.

Cadmus Labs. The place is still in total disarray from that whole attack of the Lex clones business in the season premiere. Clark greets her in a darkened hallway with a stack of printouts. Tess tries to act casual as Clark tells her that Emil has sorted through all the files and discovered that one of the clones is unaccounted for. "There's another Lex on the loose," he says. "Lex on the Loose" sounds like a teen summer movie, possibly starring second-tier actors from the High School Musical franchise. Tess pretends not to understand why Clark would be looking for him here: "I closed the books on this place months ago." "Supplies are still being sent here," he says. Tess meets Clark's gaze with some difficulty. She suggests that "someone" must be helping the clone survive. With her back to him, she says, "You're assuming that he's a threat just because he's a Luthor." Isn't that what you assumed, too, Miss Luthor? "Whatever happened to everyone deserving a second chance?" she asks, looking at him with big, hopeful eyes. "Luthor blood is Luthor blood," Clark spits. "It's poison." Lutessa Luthor looks very sad. When Clark goes to check a lead-lined room, Tess tries to get ahead of him but Clark warns her away. "They're dangerous," he tells her. "They're born that way." This was basically my only real annoyance with the episode, that they backtracked on Clark's recent character development in order to give him an emotional arc for the story.

By Tippi Blevins

He busts into the room only to find it abandoned. It's basically a storage room, with glass cabinets still full of lab supplies or drugs. A small cot provides the only resting place. A stack of crates serves as a makeshift table, on which a chessboard sits, the pieces waiting for a match that will never take place. Good Lord, how depressingly lonely. Tess starts to back out of the room, making an excuse about going back to Watchtower for something, but Clark finds Alexander's copy of Peter Pan. He reads the inscription aloud: "Dearest Tess, Thanks for the read, but I'm all grown up now. Alexander." Tess stops in her tracks. Clark fixes her with a look of confusion and betrayal. "You knew about all this," he breathes. "After everything Oliver and I did to trust you, this is how you repay us?" Tess tries to explain she only wanted to protect Clark, but he's furious. His mood doesn't improved any when he sees a blackboard full of Alexander's S-shield scribbles. Tess sees it a moment later, and drops her gigantic purse in shock. "You're no better than he is," Clark says. Like a crow, his eye is drawn to the shiny object now peeking out of Tess's purse. It's a narrow, mirrored box decorated with Kryptonian symbols. Clark grabs it. "What else are you hiding, Tess?" "I only just received it," she promises. Before she can tell him why she has it, he twists the two sides of the box so that the symbols align. (The symbols probably say something like "DO NOT TWIST, FOOL!") There's a flash of light and Clark finds himself lying in bed with two dark-haired ladies draped all over him.

By Tippi Blevins

He looks around, more confused than usual. All the colors are desaturated and gritty. Also, he appears to be in the Luthor mansion. He gets up and pulls on a T-shirt, his confusion mounting when instead of his usual S-shield, he finds an unfamiliar U-shield. A mysteriously not-dead Lionel Luthor appears in the doorway behind him, not bothering to knock or ask permission to enter, because he's not just not-dead but not-polite, as well. As Clark begins to freak out, Lionel begins to quote Marcus Aurelius: "When you arise in the morning, think what a privilege it is to be alive, to breathe, to enjoy, to love, to think." Thinking isn't really Clark's strong suit, dude. Lionel tosses an article of clothing to Clark. "We Luthor men must seize our day," he says. "You only live once, Son." Clark boggles. Somebody save him! Also, somebody give Lionel slightly less cliché things to say!

I just sat through all the opening credits sequence for the first time in a long time. It's kind of funny how much of it is composed of Tom Welling making weird faces.

Clark buttons up a dress shirt as he follows Lionel out of the bedroom. "What are you doing here?" he asks. "You shouldn't--" You shouldn't even be alive. Lionel cuts him off, more concerned about Clark getting rid of his ladies of the evening so as to not risk another audit. Dude, you need to start paying your hookers in cash. Clark, still dazed, follows Lionel toward the study. Lionel compliments him on his "Ultraman" persona: "It's a great way to strong-arm our opponents, but your display of ego is attracting too much attention -- you're getting reckless!" He tells Clark to finish buttoning his shirt to hide the U-shield peeking out underneath. Clark thinks he must be dreaming, but Lionel takes everything he says at face value. He gives Clark a Luthor-style lecture on family and empires and the dream that Clark is putting in danger. He tosses Clark a rapier. Clark catches it by the blade, cutting his hand on the blue-tinged metal. "This is one of my trials," Clark hopes. "No, no, it's practice," Lionel says. He grabs a weapon of his own and proceeds to spar with Clark. "I know what you're capable of; you can make a father proud." Lionel punctuations each statement with a thrust of his blade. Clark might as well be holding a wet noodle, for all the good his rapier is doing him. "I'm not your son," Clark says. Lionel just warns him about his "emotional reactions" and effortlessly disarms Clark. Clark stumbles to his knees. Lionel touches the tip of his sword to Clark's chin, forcing him to meet his gaze. Lionel allows him to get to his feet without lowering the blade. "You want to be your own man, that's natural," he says. "But remember, Clark, I am your father and I alone raised you in my own image to become the man you are today." He walks Clark slowly across the room. "I must have lost perspective," Clark says, finally playing along. Lionel chuckles and tosses the rapier aside. He holds Clark's face in his hands, for a moment, then raises his arms in a display of ego and showmanship, pronouncing him "Clark Luthor!" Lionel was the one who found him in the cornfield that day in 1989 and who, for some reason, didn't give him some meaningful literary or historical name. [Or at least one that starts with an "L." - Z] He laughs at the thought of what might have happened had "ignorant farmers" found Clark instead. Well, he would have become the central character in a very long-running TV show, for one thing.

By Tippi Blevins

As soon as Lionel turns away, Clark zips off to the Kent farm. The place is in disrepair. A sign on the barn announces that the farm is (or was) up for auction. Clark walks into the barn. "Mom?" He hasn't quite caught on to how this whole switcheroo thing is working. "Dad?" he calls out. "He isn't here," Tess says from the loft. Clark zips up the steps, relieved to see her until she lays a big, wet kiss on him. He pulls away, confused. She gives him a playful grin. "Stop worrying! Father will never find us here." "Father," he repeats. "Our father?" Tess strips out of her jacket, still thinking this is some kind of odd foreplay. She plays along with her big, dumb, hot, adopted brother, calling herself "as redheaded bastard as it gets." Clark is stunned to realize that Tess is a Luthor. Tess tries to free him from his clothes, but he dutifully informs her that she's mistaken him for someone else. She's hurt until she happens to see his forearm and instead of finding some familiar scar, she finds only smooth skin. She backs away from him. "The bastard!" she curses. "He used the mirror box!" She chides herself for thinking she could have ever trusted her hot, treacherous, alien brother. Clark tells her that he's the one who used the box, then asks her who she's talking about. She calls her Clark the "more fun version" of our Clark, which isn't hard to believe, even though we haven't met him yet. She tells Clark that he's in a darker parallel reality, while the other Clark has traded places with him. "Your kinder, gentler world is about to get an explosive awakening," Tess says. Clark looks slightly worried. He's probably hoping the other Clark doesn't destroy civilization. Or borrow his underpants.

By Tippi Blevins

Clark zips over to Metropolis, where the Daily Planet globe has been changed to reflect its LuthorCorp ownership. Clark stands in the middle of the street, looking both confused and depressed. This darker parallel universe is really grungy. Trash litters the streets. Shop windows are boarded over and painted with graffiti. A steel drum burns while the homeless warm their hands over the fire. An older Ford Mustang drives up behind Clark, bumping into the back of his knees. He straightens out the dented bumper before the driver gets out. It's Lois, who's as crappy a driver in this universe as she is in any other, but with shorter hair. Clark is happy to see her, but the feeling isn't mutual. "Of all the people in all the streets in the whole world, you're the person I have to hit?" Well, you didn't have to hit him. I mean, the street was empty and he was just standing there. Try swerving time. He moves to hug her. She backs away, plainly disgusted with him. "Don't think for a minute that you're going to use this non-fender-bender as another excuse to try to get me fired." "Lois, why would I want to fire you?" he asks. "Because you're a masochist," Oliver says, walking onto the scene. I'm pretty sure he meant to call Clark a sadist, but whatever. Maybe this universe's Oliver isn't as quick with the ready puns and quips. He goes to Lois's side, putting his arm around her waist. That's when Clark notices the diamond engagement ring on her finger. A nosy reporter jams a tape recorder in Oliver's face, demanding a comment on the "land grabs in Smallville." Lois pulls aside the reporter for a chat, leaving Clark and Oliver to talk. "You're engaged?" Clark gawps. "What your employees do with their personal life is none of your concern," Oliver says. He has a scar below his left eye that lets you know he's either been in a bad fight or is naturally clumsy. Also, do they have Justin Hartley wearing blue contacts in these scenes or is it just the weird lighting? Oliver and Lois drive off in her car, glaring at Clark the whole while.

By Tippi Blevins

He stands there, watching the empty street, until he hears an alarm blaring. A man darts into an alley, arms laden with boxes. "Those don't belong to you," Clark says. Well, yes, that's why he's stealing them. The man looks up and sees Clark standing on the roof above him. The thief runs, but finds the alley blocked by a fence. Clark whooshes up behind him. The thief damn near bursts into tears. "You stay away from me!" His voice shakes. "Why are you so afraid?" Clark asks. A super-powered alien just caught him stealing Blu-Ray players. Why do you think he's afraid? The thief crumples to his knees, crying, "No one sees Ultraman and lives to tell about it." [Then how did the thief recognize Clark as Ultraman, and not just some guy on a roof? - Z] Clark backs away. "Lionel turned me into a murderer," he says to himself. He turns and faces a U-shield that's been painted onto a brick wall. Clark looks up and up some more and the sky goes from grainy gray...

...to sparkly blue, transitioning us to the more familiar Metropolis. Well, sort of. Things appear to have been spiffed up a bit to contrast the darker universe. The alley is now so clean you could eat off it, if you were so inclined. Even the dumpster is a particularly perky shade of blue. There's a bright red S-shield painted on the brick wall. The "more fun version" of Clark stands in the alleyway, sleeves rolled up to show us the scar on his right forearm. The flesh has been branded with the Luthor medallion seen in the episode's opening shot. Fun Clark smiles. This world's skin-flattering sunlight pleases him.

By Tippi Blevins

In her Daily Planet office, Tess scans surveillance footage from around the city, looking for signs of Clark. Shouldn't Fun Clark have materialized in Cadmus if he and Bummer Clark switched places? Also, why did he show up wearing much better clothes than Bummer Clark? Tess is so intent on her search that she doesn't look up when the door opens. "I thought I said I didn't want to be disturbed," she says to the intruder. It's Clark. "It's adorable seeing you at my desk, like you own the place." His voice is so silky you could make make lingerie out of it. Tess crosses the room toward him, as annoyed as she is relieved. She's been looking for him all night, she says. He says he likes to make her wait, which is really rude but also kinda sexy. He saunters over to her, invading her personal space. She backs up, caught off guard. He leans in for a kiss. She makes a little sound of surprise and then his mouth is all over hers and she starts kissing him back, either to play along or because hey, a hot guy is kissing her. She slides her hand down his arm. She feels the scar and pulls away from the kiss. "It still bothers you, doesn't it?" he asks. It is sort of gross, yeah. "There's no take backs when it comes to gold K." Clark blames Lex for the scar. Tess, catching on quickly, decides to play her part by giving him a flirty smile and making a snarky comment about Lex's ego.

Clark, thinking that this Tess is his hot sister/lover Tess, gives her the credit for finding the mirror box and bringing them both there. Only when he goes to look out the window does she let the fear show on her face. Clark marvels at how little sign there is of Lionel in this world. "It's refreshing, actually," he says, "being out from under our father's shadow." Tess gapes for a moment, then quickly gets herself under control. She tells him that Lex killed Lionel years ago, which amuses him quite a bit. He makes the Lex of his reality sound sort of incompetent. More incompetent than the Lex we know, even. "I gotta tell ya, Sis, this world is a blast," he says. "Doesn't feel right, though, not having blood on my hands before lunch." Wait till after lunch; that way you don't have to wash your hands twice. [So does he actually need someone to commit a crime to kill them, or are some people just victims of the time of day? - Z] Tess struggles for a split second not to show how disturbed she is. "That's the great thing about us being on our own now," she says. "You can have lunch whenever you want." You can even have brunch. If you're very lucky, the restaurant will have an omelet bar with an array of cheeses. Clark says something sexy about being hungry, but Tess's turn to the good side prevents her from offering him a nibble. She makes some excuse about being watched here. This lack of sexual appetite seems to make him suspicious. He narrows his eyes at her. "Where's the box, Tess?" Heh. Heh. Ahem. Tess must have the fortitude of a saint, because Clark's all sprawled out on the sofa by this point, looking like about eight miles of arms and legs. Woof. He says he wants to destroy the box so that they can't be sent back home. She makes plans to meet him later at the mansion to, you know, bring him her box. This seems to satisfy him somewhat, because he agrees to this plan and gives her a hot, open-mouth stare while he's at it. As he gets up to go, he promises, "This world won't know what hit it."

By Tippi Blevins

For the obligatory comic relief, we join Lois as she waits in line at the coffee shop. Her phone rings, but when she sees the call is from Tess, she pointedly doesn't answer. "Oh, no, you are not going to ruin this gal's afternoon off," she says. Didn't this gal want to be part of the super team? There are no afternoons off. When it's her turn in line, she orders a cup of plain, black coffee. The barista grumps at her oh-so-extravagant order. Lois makes a snide comment about him under her breath, which he hears. As an apology, she stuffs three bucks into the tip jar. A moment later, when she tries to use her debit card to pay for the coffee, it's declined for insufficient funds. Lois tries to take back her tip, either out of spite or to pay for her purchase. Either way, it's kind of a rude move. While this is going on, the guy in line behind her gets a call on his cell. It's for Lois, to both their surprise. It's Tess: "If I'm calling you, Lane, it's for a reason." "How are you doing this?" Lois asks. "Look to your left," Tess tells her. Lois looks to her right. "Your other left," Tess suggests helpfully. HAR HAR. Dumbness is funny! Lois sees a video camera on a nearby signpost. Tess, watching her from Watchtower, tells her they have a problem.

Lois comes through Watchtower's doors already fussing at Tess for messing with her credit, but pulls up short when she sees a big three-dimensional globe projected in the center of the room. A few lights blink on different continents. Tess, at one of the computer stations, is trying unsuccessfully to reach the other team members. Lois is confused, but offers to help in whatever way she can. Tess says she called Lois there to protect her from Clark, which just confuses Lois even more. A shadow flies by the stained glass window. "He found us," Tess says. He crashes through a window in the domed ceiling, landing with such force that Tess and Lois are thrown backwards. "Get up, Tess," he says with quiet menace. When she doesn't instantly obey, he repeats the command with a shout. Lois approaches him, thinking he must be affected by red K. He throws her across the room. Tess drops any pretense of familiarity, telling him he can't stay here. He refuses to go back to Lionel's world. "Give me the box," he says, holding out his hand. She looks defiant. "And if I don't?" "I'll kill you," he says with a friendly smile. [You know, if he doesn't want to go back, all he has to do is stay as far away from the box as possible. - Z]

By Tippi Blevins

Back to the darker universe now! Tess searches through Lionel's office and comes upon a book full of Kryptonian factoids that he apparently keeps out in the open. Maybe aliens aren't a big secret here. Tess finds a page about the mirror box and tears it out. She quickly pockets it just as Lionel walks through the door. He calls her his "prodigal daughter" and chides her for turning her back on her family and fortune. She pretends to be there for a visit, but he notices one of his books out of place. "Does this have anything to do with that ill-conceived coup you've been planning?" he asks. She feigns innocence, but he sees through her. He snatches the page from behind her back. She has on an awesome jacket that manages to have ruffles while also looking totally badass. Lionel looks at the page. "Ah, the little Greek tragedy you've been trying to drag your brother into." Doesn't this make you want to watch about ten more episodes about the other Tess and Clark and their weird-hot relationship? It does me. Anyway, Tess professes her love for Clark. This comes as no surprise to Lionel, but he doesn't see how Clark could ever love her back. He accuses her of corrupting him, an accusation she finds particularly rich considering the source. He calls her a "half-bred tramp with a Magdalene complex" which earns him a hard slap right across the face. He summons his guards. "Why couldn't you ever love me the way that you love Clark?" she asks as the guards flank her. "Simply put, sweetheart, you're just not special enough." She smashes a picture of Lionel and young Clark to the floor as the guards grab her. "I hope that your love is enough to save you when he stabs you in the back, you son of a bitch!" They drag her from the room. Man, I hope some version of Tess gets to kill this Lionel. Slowly and painfully.

By Tippi Blevins

Fortress of Solitude. Clark goes looking for Jor-El but finds Lionel instead. [Presumably, Clark was doing other things that gave Lionel the time to travel one-quarter of the way around the world? - Z] All manner of techy equipment has been set up inside, and Lionel exposits that he and Clark have been harvesting the Fortress's secrets. Lionel starts talking about Shakespeare's King Lear, which makes Clark want to find a way home more than ever. Long story short: King Lear had three children, and decided to give most of his kingdom to whichever child loved him most. Two kids sucked up to him, but his favorite didn't. He disowned the one child who loved him. Lionel brings the comparison home: "It's just you and your sister now. There's certainly no getting Lex back; you saw to that." "I killed Lex," Clark whispers. Whether he's speaking on behalf of his parallel self, or whether he's realizing some responsibility in the demise of his Lex is hard to say. Either way, he looks quite devastated. Lionel tells him about Tess searching for the mirror box. Apparently, LuthorCorp had tried to destroy all artifacts from Krypton. Clark takes the blame, saying he asked Tess to find it so that he could destroy it. "I just want to make you proud, Dad," he says. This seems to make Lionel happy, so he tells Clark that Oliver Queen's parents had the box when Veritas was dissolved. Clark promises to take it back. After Clark zips away, Lionel looks sad. It's not so good being king sometimes.

At the Ace of Clubs (it's a crappy name in any universe), everyone is celebrating Lois and Oliver's engagement. Well, everyone except Oliver. He's out on the balcony pouting into a glass of whiskey. Lois slips away from the party to join him. She asks him to come inside, but he knows everyone's really there for her, not him. "It's not like the whole world hates you," she says. "No, just the greater Metropolitan area," he agrees. He wishes he had someone backing him up, so she reminds him that she's on his side. The shorter hair is adorable on her. It's softer and younger and perks her face up. She gives Oliver a kiss on the cheek and takes a few steps back toward the party. He calls her back with a question: "Why me?" She goes back to him, touches his face. "Because you are a very, very good man." He thinks there must be someone out there better, but she disagrees. As he leans in to kiss her, she disappears from his arms in a blur. A moment later, his cell rings. It's Clark. He has Lois. He promises she'll be safe if Oliver gives him the mirror box. "Text the location in ten minutes," he says, and hangs up.

By Tippi Blevins

They're up on the Daily Planet rooftop. Lois makes a run for the stairwell, but he stops her. "Stay away from me, Clark," she warns. "Or Ultraman, or whoever you are! I know what happens when someone sees your face." She backs away from him, smashes a window and screams for help. He walks towards her, hands open, trying to show her he's not a threat to her. He says they're allies where he's from. "You always have my back," he says. "How else would I know you're brave and loyal and a force of nature?" "Anybody could have told you that about me," she says. He rattles off a list of other things he knows about her, like what a bad speller she is, how stubborn she is... "And you can always tell when I'm lying," he says. "You can see right through me, right through my soul, straight to my heart." She stops backing away. He pleads for her to see that he's telling her the truth. So she gives him a long look and asks, "Who are you?" He's the less murderous, less hot version of Clark. "My name is Clark Kent," he says, and he can't live in a world where she doesn't love him. She blinks up at him, teary-eyed. Oliver who? Clark zips away.

Watchtower. This version is as much of a grungy mess as everything else in this parallel universe. The only thing pretty about it is Oliver, who's waiting for Clark when he arrives. "So Clark Luthor is the mysterious Ultraman of Metropolis," he says. "That name sucks, by the way." Heh. Clark just wants the mirror box and promises to bring Lois back. Clark turns out not to be a very good kidnapper, because Oliver already knows that Lois is safe. He says he doesn't know anything about Clark's box. Hee! I have a juvenile sense of humor sometimes. When Clark asks why Oliver brought him there, Oliver answers by clicking a little remote control that closes a metal iris over the stained glass window. When it opens again, sickly green light pours through. Oliver's been trying to get Ultraman for years: "And now I get to kill two birds with one stone." Clark gets the dry heaves and falls to the floor. He should try giving a nice speech like he gave Lois. Something like... "Where I come from, you and I are allies! We play dress-up together! I can't live in a world where you keep your shirt on all the time!" Instead, he just lies there looking pukey. "I've been hunting Ultraman since he murdered the Swanns," Oliver says. "That's how I found out what hurts you." Clark tries to explain what's really going on, but he just sounds like a loon. Oliver goes to get a gun, loads it with bullets. He explains about how he's been evicting farmers from their land so that he can mine the land for meteor rock. He has traps set up for Ultraman all over the world. "I'm no threat to you," Clark gurgles. Oliver crouches down beside him. "Really? So why Lois? She's the only one who knows my secret; she believes in me and you took her away from me." Clark asks Oliver to believe him, but Oliver gets up and aims the gun at him.

By Tippi Blevins

Before he can pull the trigger, Lionel pops up out of nowhere and knocks Oliver out with a lead pipe across the noggin. It's like Clue with superheroes and villains. "You didn't have to hurt him to save me," Clark says. "Save you?" Lionel laughs. "What was the plan, Clark? Murder your father, then, with your whore sister, escape to another world?" He makes their treacherous, incestuous love affair sound so tawdry. Lionel strips out of his jacket and rolls up his sleeves. He says he's been watching Oliver for years. "Oliver never had the mirror box, did he?" Clark asks. "You mean this?" Lionel asks, holding it up. Clark, Tantalus-like, makes a move toward it, but can't reach it. He falls back, panting and sick. "Your betrayal has been staring me in the face for years," Lionel says. Well, maybe you shouldn't have been such a shitty, dictatorial father. "We are long, long overdue for a father-son talk." Clark protests that Lionel isn't his father, but Lionel doesn't take it in the way that Clark means it. To him, it sounds like an adopted son being ungrateful and defiant. Lionel goes on about all he's done for Clark, including letting him kill Lex. Lionel kicks him in the face. Clark spits up blood. Lionel kicks him again, hard enough to send 200 pounds of dead weight sliding across the floor. All those squat thrusts have totally paid off! "I failed you, Clark," he says taking off his belt, "because no true son of mine, no true Luthor would have ever let me live this long!" As the pièce de résistance of this little fight, Lionel takes off his belt and starts brutally whipping Clark with the buckle end. He crows about "survival of the fittest" and looks about ready to kill Clark when the metal iris suddenly opens and sunlight replaces the green K glow. Oliver, just coming to, has pressed the button on the remote. Clark grabs the mirror box and punches Lionel across the room. He goes to check on Oliver. "I know, I know, you're the good one," Oliver says, finally believing him. "Just go the hell home already." Before he goes, he warns Oliver to activate the window again before the other Clark returns. As Lionel rises and charges at Clark, Clark twists the sides of the box into place...

By Tippi Blevins

...and, with a flash of light, returns to his own world. Tess is screaming. "Oliver! Do it now!" Clark finds himself in the middle of a destroyed Watchtower, surrounded by Tess, Oliver and Lois. They're all aiming Kryptonite weapons at him. "I'm me!" Clark says. "Lois, please tell them I'm me." She has a small compound bow trained on him. She stares at him for a few seconds, then lowers her weapon. She rushes over and hugs him. It's too bad the two Clarks couldn't share a scene together. On the other hand, it probably would have been like matter and antimatter colliding, except it would have been sexy and antisexy.

Metropolis General. Lois, her arm in a sling, is just being discharged. Clark greets her with flowers. "What are these for?" she asks. They're flowers. You're in a hospital. Duh. Clark says: "Nothing says 'sorry my doppelganger from a parallel Earth tried to kill you' like flowers." As they walk out of the ER together, Clark says he destroyed the mirror box. Ooh, I bet you end up regretting that later. I already regret it now, because it means the end of his silky-voiced other self. [Not necessarily, since there's still one in the other universe... right? - Z] Clark is momentarily sad about how the other Lois hated him when she thought he was Clark Luthor. "But I do think she was about to give him another chance," he says with a smile. "You don't have to worry about second chances with me," Lois says. "You're doing really well with the first one." She gives him a sweet little smooch that cheers him up.

By Tippi Blevins

Things are less cheery for Tess, who's at the mansion, looking through family photos on the landing that overlooks the study. Lighting flashes outside. (The perpetual ill weather, remember?) She's wearing one of her fabulous, old Hollywood satin robes. If you're going to brood over your crap family, you might as well look gorgeous. Clark walks into the study. "Luthor blood is poison," he says. "That's what I said before things got weird." Yeah, time you find a mysterious artifact, try not to mess with it before you know what it does. Tess isn't mad: "Who knew you had such a gift for understatement?" He knows that Tess is Lionel's heir now. He looks sad. He understands why she didn't tell him, considering the way he reacted. He joins her on the landing. "You know the truly perverse part?" she asks. "I'm upset that he threw me away." Tess feels somehow she wasn't good enough, even for a family as "grotesque" as the Luthors. Clark sits down beside her, tells her she was lucky not to have been raised by Lionel. "What happened with the other Clark is just proof that Lionel's blood doesn't corrupt," he says. "It's the man himself." Thank you. "I was wrong," he tells her. Thank you again! Tess tears up. "The real reason that I hid Alexander is because I didn't want anyone to take him away from me," she says, her voice cracking. Well, no, you hid him because he freaked you out. But Cassidy Freeman is so amazing in this scene that I'll overlook the inconsistency. "But he fooled me," Tess says. This Lex is as smart or smarter than the original. She worries about what they'll find. Clark takes her hand and gives it a comforting squeeze. He says they'll face Lex together: "You're not alone anymore." Aw.

The bad weather has migrated to Metropolis. The sky is foreboding and gray. A man picks up a newspaper. Headline: "The Blur Saves Under Scrutiny." The newspaper flips down to reveal the magnificently maned bastard holding it. "Don't I know you from somewhere?" the news vendor asks him. "I don't think so," Lionel says cheerfully. "I'm from out of town -- unexpected visit." No kidding. "But I guess I'm back in the nick of time," he says as the rain begins to pour. "Wouldn't want to miss how it all turns out." He opens a black umbrella and disappears into the crowd as dark orchestral music crescendos and the ending credits roll. Hot damn!

By Tippi Blevins

Kudos to Bryan Q. Miller for writing a well-paced, interesting episode and to director Kelly Souders for not overdoing it with the closeups. Why can't the show be this good all the time? Or at least more than once every few years?

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Tippi Blevins might actually watch this episode again, just for fun. You can reach her at b_tippi@yahoo.com or http://twitter.com/tippib.