We get right into the episode by opening on the aftermath of some catastrophe. There's broken glass scattered around a dingy-looking wooden floor. Also on the floor are a bra and some other garments, so maybe it was a sexy catastrophe. A shirtless Clark snoozes on an old, bare, lumpy mattress that's lying directly on the floor. I bet that thing is positively riddled with bedbugs. I've been convinced there are bedbugs everywhere ever since I saw 30 Rock week before last. But getting back to Clark: A feminine hand reaches around from behind Clark and caresses his bare chest. Oliver, what girly hands you have! Oh, wait -- it's Lois. As Clark sleeps, she pulls a sheet (full of bedbugs) around her naked body and gets up off the mattress. As she crosses the room to a window, we see that whatever building they're in is practically decimated. It's mostly just the tattered wooden frame and floors. (And bedbugs.) She stands at the gaping hole in the wall that passes for the window and shudders. Clark puts on some pants and joins her, hugging her from behind. "I wish we had more time," he says. She reaches up to touch his cheek where there's a still-bloody gash and turns around to look at him. Sad music plays. They gaze sadly at each other for eons and then kiss. In the background, a red, sullen sun burns above the horizon and the music turns ominous.
The glow of the sun increases in brightness until the glare fills up the entire screen, obscuring Lois and Clark from view. When the light fades, we're at the Daily Planet, staring at Lois's perfectly blank expression. I think that unlike all the other times her expression is blank, this time it's blank on purpose, as she's been lost in a reverie of red suns and perky man-nipples. Clark sits at the desk across from her, periodically glancing up at her with concern. Romantic music of the comedic variety plays. Clark's paying so much attention to the blankly-staring Lois that he accidentally knocks over his coffee cup. Or maybe, judging by his goofy smile, he did it on purpose to get Lois's attention. She keeps staring into nothingness. He goes, "Earth to Lois!" and she finally blinks and looks at him. He notes that it's like she's been on a different planet, which leads her to respond, "Easy, Armstrong, this space-case is buried in research!" Stop giving her openings to spout catchy dialogue that isn't catchy! She has two weeks of work to catch up on, she says. He teases her about leaving because of what happened between them. She blushes, much to Clark's surprise. She covers by blathering about how her "ejector seat malfunction" wasn't all about Clark. He offers to talk with her about it, but she turns him down: "When I want to talk about it, I'll send up a smoke signal!" That... was an abrupt change from space-travel metaphors. Clark seems almost as confused as I am, but a courier interlopes into the scene to ask Lois to sign for a delivery.
The delivery, it turns out, is a big wooden crate with a fancy red bow on top. The scene shifts to Clark and Lois standing in the delivery room or loading bay or wherever the hell it is, looking at this box. It has the words "DO NOT TOSS!!!" stamped on all sides. Lois is thrilled: "Ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas to me!" The box is like, "Who you callin' a ho?" Lois grabs a crowbar and starts struggling with the crate lid. Clark offers to help her, but she turns him down with a "No," said in the tone of a "Duh!" She tells Clark about how she used to unwrap all her Christmas presents early and then wrap them up again before her parents could find out. This comes as no surprise to Clark, who even seems a little charmed by the notion. (Clark's mental note at this juncture: "Must re-watch Dick in a Box for holiday gift ideas.") Together, they finally pry the lid off. Inside, there are four naked guys who've been bound and gagged. Also in the crate are many bags of cocaine, at least one of which has burst, because these dudes are more powdery than Danish wedding cookies. Lois introduces herself then asks if they'd care to comment on their illegal activities. She rips off one guy's gag and he blurts out that he and his crate mates are all undercover cops. Clark guesses that someone must have thought they were real dealers. "Who could be responsible for such a super screw-up?" Lois wonders. By way of answer, excited voices start shouting from outside the window. Clark and Lois rush over to see what the hubbub's all about and get a gander of a building across the street. Its interior windows have been branded with a gigantic glowing S-shield. Lois is impressed and breathes out, "Now, that's what I call a scoop!" But Clark is perturbed because someone's obviously using his symbol without his permission. Somebody save his trademark!
Back from the commercial. Clark is following Lois through the offices of the Daily Planet as she vents about the Blur not calling her for weeks only to send her these cops now. "Of course, he's probably tail-spinning into the stratosphere because he doesn't have his go-to girl to keep him grounded," Lois says. Isn't tail-spinning usually done in a downward direction? Also, has Lois's voice always been like this? A couple of weeks ago, an angry goose chased my dog out of a pond with a rapid-fire litany of honks and squawks, and I swear it sounded almost exactly like this. Clark tries to defend the Blur/himself by pointing out this latest save doesn't fit his M.O. Yeah, because despite the crate's admonition, you would have tossed those guys. Lois agrees that "sugar-coating" the cops wasn't the Blur's style, but the symbol on the building was. She says, "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm beginning to lose faith in our resident hero." Weren't you impressed with him, like, a minute ago? Make up your mind, woman! Randall the editor sweeps into the office behind them and orders Lois to write a story about the Blur's "questionable tactics." Clark tries to play down the newsworthiness of the story, but the editor is determined because an organized crime boss by the name of Adrian Pope has gone free because of the Blur's blunder. Now the District Attorney is all het up about it. Clark looks sick to his stomach. Lois thinks the D.A. is just trying to cover up his own dirty connections. She tries to get out of the story, but Randall isn't having it. He shoves a piece of paper at her and scurries off to the big Habitrail where they keep all the incidental characters until they're needed. Clark tells Lois to see it as a chance to tell both sides of the story. Lois huffs, "Well, that would require a certain someone to find five minutes to give me a call." She grabs her jacket and purse and wraps a scarf around her head Babushka-style, much to Clark's confusion. "What's up with the disguise?" he wonders. She storms off to the elevator and explains she's got a top-secret interview to conduct. She blocks him from getting into the elevator with her and forbids him to follow.
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The "top-secret interview" turns out to be a therapy session. Lois sits on a patchwork-covered wingchair and tells the therapist she wants their meetings to be off the record. The therapist, an earthy sort of blond woman with an English accent, tucks away her notebook. Her name is Dr. Evans, but she's such a plot device that I'm just going to rechristen her Dr. Zweig. Dr. Zweig invites Lois to tell her about the dreams she's been having. Light-hearted comedic music plays even though from what we've been shown, there's nothing light-hearted or comedic about her futuristic visions. Lois insists they seem real. She rambles and stutters a bit and finally manages to spit out that the dreams involve "lots and lots of skin." She gets dewy-eyed and sighs dreamily. Don't your dreams also involve your cousin being chased by something and then dying? I guess we're just dealing with one mental problem at a time, here. Dr. Zweig: "So it's a sex dream, with the coworker you mentioned before. Clark Kent?" Upset, Lois gets up and paces to a shelf where there are various calming things like a bonsai tree and tiny Zen garden. There's also a chubby phallic thing accompanied by two hefty balls. I feel like half my recapping job these days is to find the objets de phallus. Dr. Zweig tries to calm Lois down by telling her the dreams don't have to be taken literally. "A lack of clothing in the dream could signify a desire to uncover what's actually hidden." Lois walks back toward her chair, admitting that she does feel like Clark is hiding something from her. Teary-eyed, she says the closer she gets to him, the more she's afraid he's going to disappear. Dr. Zweig asks if this has to do with her "three weeks of blocked memory." Or maybe it has to do with her dead mother and distant father? Oh, wait, I forgot -- the show's not trying to make these characters seem like real people with actual development or a past that extends beyond the immediate plot. Dr. Zweig thinks Lois is trying to protect herself: "Didn't you say that the last time you opened up to someone -- your mysterious caller -- he vanished?" Before Lois can answer, her cell phone rings, by playing Bonnie Tyler's "I Need a Hero." A shot of Lois's cell phone shows "The Blur" as the incoming call. Way to be stealthy, Lois. She grabs the phone and pointedly rejects the call, even though not hearing from him was just what she'd been complaining about. Dr. Zweig thinks Lois still has strong feelings for the mystery caller. Lois protests overly much that he's ancient history. The good doctor suggests Lois focus on Clark instead of the caller, on whom Lois is projecting so much. Lois moves her eyes around a little in thought. It's an eerily Lana-like facial expression.
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Watchtower. Clark is there, phone still in hand, not quite believing that Lois isn't picking up. He gives up in frustration. Behind him, Chloe is gathering up some papers. She says, "You freeze a girl out, she's going to give you the cold shoulder, hero or not." Clark explains he stopped calling her as the Blur in order to protect her, but now he needs her to tell the world that the Blur isn't responsible for the bad drug bust or the crime boss getting away. So... you're not protecting her anymore now that your rep is in danger? That's not douchey at all. Chloe crosses the room to her touch-screen computer, telling Clark he needs to get busy with the "spin doctor magic" because whoever's posing as the Blur is a self-promoting genius. She pulls up various pages from the 'net, showing Clark all the Facebooking and Tweeting the imposters have been doing. "He's co-opted your brand," Chloe says. Clark insists he's not a brand, but then he looks at all the web pages that have the S-shield prominently displayed. "The Blur has a blog?" [Blimey! - Zach] Clark says with dismay. Just wait till people start putting up Internet porn pretending to be you. Then you'll be all, "That's not my ball gag! Uh, I mean, I don't have a ball gag!" Chloe is amused that the boy who was once scarecrowed in high school now has 10,000 Facebook friends. I bet his Farmville is totally decked out. Clark is aghast that someone would be trying to discredit him, but Chloe thinks someone is actually trying to help him, based on the five "messy but successful saves" she's found. All the same, Clark thinks whoever it is needs to be stopped before someone gets hurt.
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Metropolis, night. A limo drives through a shady-looking part of town. Inside, a man examines a tray full of loose diamonds. He tells his driver to pull over by the power station so he can get electrocuted later. Actually, he says, "These ladies and I have a date with destiny." And by "ladies" he means the diamonds. I guess. The driver starts to pull over, but out of nowhere a big mountain lion jumps onto the limo's front window. It snarls at him. Also, it's wearing a cute collar with a little silver heart charm. Diamond guy is pissed. He shouts, "Gun it!" The driver speeds up. They don't seem to think it's especially odd that a puma is trying to foil their plans. ["You'll never catch me, stupid puma!" - Z] A sheet of purple-tinged ice starts spreading on the street underneath the limo. The driver loses control and the limo crashes through a fence and into a power transformer. Or whatever the hell it is. All you need to know is it's got a lot of juice running through it. Sparks fly and the driver and diamond guy are knocked unconscious. The mountain lion jumps down off the hood of the limo and onto the street, where its eyes start glowing purple. In a halo of neon-violet light, the mountain lion morphs into Claudia from Warehouse 13. She's wearing the same collar with heart and, somehow, a purple tank and black bustier. She smiles and walks toward the sheet of ice, which is now morphing into Simon from 7th Heaven. The two of them smile triumphantly at each other, thrilled with a job well done. "Way to go aggro, J," he says to her. All right, these are the Wonder Twins, Jayna and Zan, and although they spend the rest of their screen time calling each other by their first initials, I'm gonna call them Jayna and Zan, because their way of naming each other is kind of annoying. Jayna thinks that thanks to this stunt, the cops will be off their backs after their failed "cops in a box" plan. [Step 1: Put a cop in a box. Step 2: Put some coke in that box. - Z] She pulls out her phone and prepares to take pictures of the scene to upload later. The phone, by the way, is bedecked in rhinestones in the image of Gleek. I guess actual space-monkeys were too expensive, so this is their idea of a stand-in. Zan jumps up on top of the limo to spray-paint a big, clumsy, amateurish white S on the hood, which seems like kind of a let-down after the big twenty-story dealy they rigged with the building earlier. As Zan finishes up his graffito, a piece of the power transformer falls toward the limo. He dives to the street just in time to miss the hail of sparks. The limo sizzles with electricity and the power all over the city starts blinking out. "Whoa," the Twins say in unison. The screen goes black.
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Same scene, daytime. Clark and Lois are just showing up. As is her wont, Lois is complaining about how long it took them to get there without the monorail and blames it on the Blur. They walk by a throng of TV news reporters interviewing District Attorney Ray Sacks. Lois shouts, loud enough for the microphones to pick up, that she likes to call him "Sacks-o-phone" because of how much he blows his own horn. Ugh. He tells the reporters, "I'm not here because I'm running for mayor. I'm here because I think it's a travesty that this city has been brought to its knees by the Blur." Clark and Lois go to look at the limo. The clumsy S-shield is in view, as is a Metropolis Police car. The Metropolis Police symbol that's on the hood looks a lot like the S-shield, by the way. Why has no one in the show brought that up? I mean, the juxtaposition of the two symbols seems sort of pointed, here. Clark thinks there's more to the story than people know. He asks Lois if the Blur has tried to call her to explain himself. "He called, but I didn't pick up," she says with a lift of her chin. And up starts the comical music once more. She wonders why Clark is suddenly defending the Blur. "He just doesn't deserve the silent treatment just because he's been out there saving people," he says defensively. She dismisses his sympathy for the Blur as a guy thing, then goes off to talk to a potential witness. At this point, Clark hears the sound of a monkey laughing. He follows the sound to Jayna's Gleek phone. The laughter is the ringtone, but they don't show who's calling.
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We cut to the Twins' apartment. They've painted a big S-shield on one wall (they're never getting their deposit back now) and surrounded it with lava lamps and flowers. Zan stares mournfully at the Wall O' Worship and sighs, "I totally tanked this one." Jayna, coming into the room, says at least he didn't lose his phone. Zan thinks maybe they're not cut out to be heroes. A monkey starts laughing in his pants, as if to agree with him. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his own Gleek phone. He's upset to see Jayna's number on the caller ID. They panic, fearing that someone is on to them, and decide it's time to leave. "Powers activate," they say together and pull back their right arms to bump fists. Just then, Clark shows up in his Emo Blur outfit to jam his hand between their fists. There's an explosion of neon violet light that throws them both backward. They fly into opposite walls and then fall, unconscious, to the floor. Clark stands over them and looks serious, like, "Is this what fandom hath wrought?" [How the hell did he know to block the fist-bump? Or does he just disapprove of fist-bumps in general? - Z]
Watchtower. A computer monitor shows that the place is running on auxiliary power. Jayna and Zan, lying on the floor, are just coming to with a start. They stand up and look around at their new surroundings with wonder. Zan figures the Blur must have brought them there. "This is the Blur's lair," Zan says. Jayna insists the Blur doesn't have a lair, as if she or anyone would know. Zan is so excited that he reaches for his phone and gets to Tweeting. "That's not gonna happen," Chloe's voice says off-screen. The Twins look up and see her silhouetted against one of the Watchtower's circular stained glass windows. Techno-orchestra music plays. "Welcome to Watchtower," she says. She steps toward them and goes on: "If you chat one word about what you see in here, I will vaporize your Twitter accounts, Facebook pages, and every trace of your virtual existence will be obliterated." The Twins are impressed and a little scared, and agree to keep silent. The Twins argue a bit about whether Chloe is the Blur's sidekick. She tells them she's just keeping an eye on them for him. They gush about wanting to help the Blur and "fuel his legend." Chloe gently lectures them about having the right idea but going about it the wrong way. "You are singlehandedly destroying what the Blur stands for," she says. Jayna and Zan look chagrinned. Zan wants to know how to make up for their mistakes. Chloe tells them, "You just wait for the right moment. You'll know." "How do you always know the right thing to do?" Jayna asks. "You don't," Chloe says, "and neither does he." She tells them that if they stick around a hero long enough, they'll get their chance to save him. "Sometimes even from himself," she says. She doesn't add, "Because sometimes he is a doofus who cannot think his way out of a wet paper bag." So I'm adding it for her.
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Daily Planet. Lois is typing on an ancient manual typewriter, surrounded by candles. She's wearing a glow-stick necklace like she thinks she's at a rave. She makes a typo and yanks the paper out. Luckily, the power comes back on at that moment so we don't have to struggle through Lois pecking her way through another sheet. She pets her computer monitor. "I will never take you for granted again, I swear." Sure, you say that now, but let's see if you remember to send it flowers on Valentine's Day. Bonnie Tyler lets her know the Blur is calling her again. She answers without a greeting: "I suppose you were the one who gave us that little reboot." Clark, standing atop some roof somewhere as is his custom, tells her it was the least he could do. His voice, like usual, is distorted by a piece of tech on his phone. Lois is still perturbed about all his "bonehead moves" as of late. He explains that those were the result of some fans of his who were just trying to help. He also tells her he's not turning them over to Sacks. Lois doesn't think anyone will buy the misguided fans angle without evidence: "You're risking a lot to protect some feckless meteor freaks." He says he thinks everyone deserves a second chance, which launches Lois into another angry goose rant about him not treating her, a woman, with respect.
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Thankfully, the action switches back to the Watchtower before Lois can work up too much of a crazed honking. Chloe is chatting with the Twins. They tell her that for a long time, all they had was each other. In a nod to the Wonder Twins' comics background, Zan adds, "Nobody really bought us as transfer students from Sweden." Chloe notices him messing around with one of her computers and rushes over to stop him. Of course, it's the computer that's tapping into Clark's cell phone and Zan has fiddled with something that's about to have dire consequences. Back at the Daily Planet, Lois is still on the phone with the Blur, griping at him about not calling her more often. Blah, blah, honk, honk. The Blur tells her she's just going to have to trust him. Unbeknownst to him, he phone tech cuts out on his last words, allowing Lois to hear his real voice. She looks shocked. "Smallville?" she asks, but he's already hung up.
Kent Farmhouse. Clark is enjoying a cup of coffee, listening to the morning news about how the Blur restored power to the city the night before. He goes to the front door to fetch the paper, but opens the door to find Lois has beat him to it. He's surprised to see her. Comedic music plays. She points out her front-page story about the Blur and says, "I think he'd be pretty happy that I included his side of the story." Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. He looks at her like she's sprouted another head. She blurts out that they should carpool to work, so that they can get to know each other better. "You tell me the color of your underwear everyday," he says. "What else is there to know?" I have a feeling this is supposed to remind us of that scene in Superman: The Movie when Lois challenges Superman to tell her what color undies she's wearing, but she was testing his X-ray powers. How in the hell would something like that even come up in daily conversation? There's a long, awkward pause and then Lois apologizes for bashing the Blur: "Deep down, I never doubted him." "I'm sure he'd be happy to know your faith in the Blur never waivered," Clark says. I bet he can't wait to tell his sock puppet about this! Lois presses a little further, saying the Blur never did explain why he didn't call her back. She takes a step toward Clark, giving him an opening to confess to her, but he thinks she's just whackadoodle. "Lois, what's going on?" he asks. She slowly starts to tell him about how clearly she sees things now, but the lady on the morning news is talking about Sacks. Clark turns toward the TV, leaving Lois to stare blankly into space. Someone really needs to get her a good lipliner, because her lipstick is just everywhere. It's like she took makeup lessons from the Joker. Sacks is talking to a bunch of newspeople, challenging the Blur to come forward and work with the police instead of being a vigilante. He announces a press conference he plans for later that afternoon, where he hopes the Blur will show himself and take responsibility for his actions. Clark turns to Lois: "Big news day -- I'll have to take a rain check on the carpooling." Lois, wide-eyed, just nods up at him.
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Lois barges into her therapist's office. She stops when she sees a small, mousy woman sitting in the wingback chair. She's sort of hunched over, hugging herself with one arm, resting her mouth against her other hand. In other words, she looks fairly distraught. She looks up in surprise when Lois comes in. Lois, displaying all the good manners and sensitivity of a crap-flinging chimpanzee, says to this poor mouse of a woman: "I'm going to save you a lot of time and money, OK?" She crosses the room to crouch down in front of this woman, and flings a particularly foul blob of chimp crap: "It's all your parents' fault." The woman promptly bursts into tears and, clutching her stomach, bolts from the room. The worst part is, I'm pretty sure this is supposed to make us think Lois is charmingly brash. Dr. Zweig comes in a moment later, wondering where her patient is. "She had to take off -- family issues," Lois says. The lighthearted music underscores how cute this is supposed to be, but I feel like I'm chest-deep in primate poop. Lois berates the doctor because somehow it's her fault that Lois found out that her "mystery caller" and Clark are the same person. What's ruder and less logical than a chimp? I'm coming up blank. She goes on a bit about Clark holding down an alter ego, which I won't transcribe because I'd have to listen to her screeching voice too many times. Zweig calmly suggests Lois consider that she's trying to make Clark and her mystery man into the same person, in order to create her "dream man." Lois moves her eyes around for a while, then allows as to how the two are both brave and selfless. She finally stops bitching long enough realize how hard it must have been for Clark, keeping these secrets. "I just want to tell him it doesn't matter," she says. She knows he's got a big decision to make, and she wants to help but, but isn't sure how. She tears up, then smiles as an idea comes to her, which is almost never a good thing. "I know what I have to do!" She hugs the befuddled doctor and thanks her before scampering out of the office to execute whatever cockamamie plan she's got in mind.
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Streets of Metropolis. Chloe meets up with Clark to let him know that the Twins are back at the tower, taking down all the Blur's blogs. I've just noticed she's wearing green again, this time in the form of a leather jacket. Maybe Oliver's tailor made it for her. For his part, Clark is wearing Supermanly colors in the form of a bright blue shirt and deep red tie. Clark asks Chloe if she's seen the day's news. Chloe tells him not to take Sacks seriously, then realizes from Clark's knitted brow that's exactly what he's doing. She reminds him of the last time he went public and what a disaster it was. He says he's changed: "I'm wearing my father's shield now." He explains he's worked hard to give people something to believe in. "I am the shield," he says. She talks him down, arguing that he has to let Sacks say crap about him, because if he sacrifices himself then there is no shield. "Your father lives on through you, not your shield." He looks like he's considering her words. They're trying to cram a Superman-shaped object into a Batman-shaped hole here, and it's about as a bad a fit as it sounds. A ladybug perched on a nearby parking meter eavesdrops on their conversation, then flits off.
Clark arrives at the press conference. About two hundred Canadian extras crowd the street. Sacks takes the podium and pours on the smarm, inviting the Blur to come forward and be a true hero. Dylan Neal is really very good in this role and I wish they had groomed the character to be a recurring part of the background cast instead of writing him as a one-off plot device. Clark looks like he's seriously considering stepping forward, but then Lois appears in the crowd and starts pushing her way up to the podium. A guard makes a weak attempt at stopping her, but Sacks tells him to let her up. She plants herself in front of the stand of microphones and announces to the world that she knows the Blur. Clark glances around nervously. I think this would be a good time to surreptitiously shoot fire out of your eyes and set something ablaze to distract the crowd. No? All right, let your girlfriend keep digging herself in deeper, then. She tells everyone why the Blur can't come forward: "It's because he knows the best way for him to protect you and me is to steer clear of all this political hoopla, and remain the one thing you and I need most... a light in the darkness. A symbol for us to believe in, when all other hope is lost." People in the crowd nod their agreement. Clark goes from looking worried to looking proud. She asks them to let the Blur be the hero he needs to be. The crowd cheers. Sacks looks worried. Somewhere in there, I started thinking that Lois reminds me of Sarah Palin. I think the phrase "political hoopla" triggered the association for me.
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Daily Planet. Lois walks into the office to find a single red rose waiting on her desk. The accompanying note reads, "Thank you. Meet me on the roof." Lois takes a deep breath and gets stars in her eyes. Soaring, romantic music plays as she walks through the rooftop door, but the man waiting for her is Ray Sacks. She drops her rose. (She's wearing awesome fuchsia pumps that I covet, by the way.) The music darkens. Sacks tells her he had no idea how close a relationship she had with the Blur until the press conference. "Now, tell me the true identity of the Blur and I'll overlook your annoying antics." Lois, instead of backing into the stairwell from which she just exited, starts walking toward Sacks -- and the ledge -- and accuses him of shady dealings with organized crime. "I've picked out a nice little font for my exposé," she tells him. Isn't that sort of thing set by the newspaper and not the journalist? Her idea of a headline is "Shady Sacks Sucks the City Dry," and he counters with his own: "The Blur Murders Lois Lane." He shows her the giant white S-shield that's painted on the roof underneath their feet. Lois, nervous, thinks no one would believe it, but Sacks reminds her that she just announced to the world that she's the only one who knows who he is. I'd buy that as a logical reason to off someone, but he wouldn't admit to it by putting his brand on the roof. Shoddy, Sacks, very shoddy. At this point, Lois finally bolts back to the door, but two goons are waiting for her. They grab her and pitch her off the roof. Sacks and his goons, satisfied with a job well done, leave the roof. Too bad they didn't take half a second to glance over the ledge, because they would have seen Lois hanging on to a conveniently placed flagpole.
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Meanwhile, Clark is just walking into the office downstairs, all smiles in anticipation of seeing Lois. His smile fades when he notices everyone's rushing up the stairs in a panic. One of his coworkers shouts, "Clark, you gotta see this, and grab a camera!" ["Because our photographer is dead! Dead, dead, dead, thanks to you!" - Z] He runs out to the street and sees Lois hanging from the flagpole some 20 or 30 stories up. He superzips up to the roof. She's well beyond his reach, but there's a crowd beneath them equipped with cameras, watching their every move. He climbs down to the decorative ledge one floor down. He holds out his hand, but she's still too far away. At this point, I notice he's not wearing his tie anymore, for no reason other than to keep him from using it as a rope to pull her up. He stretches an arm out toward her and she tries to reach him, but still can't. I think he should take off his pants and have her climb up them, don't you? Their fingertips touch before Lois loses her balance and swings away from him with a gasp. Now she's holding onto the flagpole with just one hand. One of her pretty shoes falls to the street below.
The aforementioned ladybug is winging its way to the Watchtower, where it flits inside and morphs into Jayna. (The morphing happens off-screen, but we see the telltale flash of neon violet light.) She fills Zan in on the latest: "The Blur's in even deeper, and it's all our fault!" It's a little bit his and Lois's fault, too, really. Zan wants to rush out to help him, but Jayna reminds him that they promised Chloe they'd lay low. Zan reminds her that Chloe said sometimes you have a save a hero from himself. Jayna sighs. Zan: "Dad used to always say we're stronger when we stick together." Slowly, Jayna smiles. They fist-bump with a unified, "Powers activate!" The light flashes around their hands, but we don't see what they morph into just yet.
Hanging out at the Daily Planet. For a guy who was ready to come forward to save his reputation, Clark is dithering an awful lot about blatantly using his powers to save Lois. He tells her to hold on, but she's determined to sacrifice herself and tells him to let her go. He tells her that's insane. "You can't reveal yourself to the cameras," she tells him. "You mean too much to the city... to the world." She tells him she knows about him living two lives and having to lie to her. He keeps lying to her by telling her she's not making sense. Just then, a dense, purple-tinged fog fills the street below. Clark, realizing somehow that the fog is there to help him, tells Lois everything's going to be OK. "I've always known deep down you were a hero," she says, and loses her grip on the pole. She falls in slow-motion, down and down through the fog. Clark superzips away. The shot is of Lois being lowered gently to the street. Why didn't they show Clark being the one to lower her? She wouldn't have been able to see his face clearly, thus preserving the mystery for her, while allowing us to realize he saved her. As it is, it looks like Zan cushioned her fall with his fogginess. There's even a windy sort of sound, different from Clark's usual super-whooshing, but according to forum posters, the director says Clark was the hero. Lois gets to her feet, looking all around her in wonder. Behind her, a limo pulls up and Sacks hops inside with a nervous glance over his shoulder. Inside the limo, Jayna's waiting for him in the form of a snarling Rottweiler, which begs two questions: Does she bite his face off? How did she even know he was responsible for trying to kill Lois? Her ladybug self started for the Watchtower long before that. [Before Lois was even in trouble, in fact! - Z] The Rottweiler lunges for Sacks.
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Foggy street. Clark finds Lois in the crowd. She hugs him and breathes, "Thank you." There's a long pause where he wrestles internally with himself, and kudos to Tom Welling here, because all too often I can't tell what in the hell Clark is supposed to be thinking or feeling. But his reaction is well done here. He tells her he's not the one who rescued her. "I'm not that fast -- I took the elevator." She frowns at him. Just then, a phone rings in a nearby phone booth. "Even after all this, you still can't tell me," she says. Sad guitar music plays. Lois turns her attention to the phone and answers it, for some reason. Much to her confusion, the Blur's mechanically disguised voice greets her. "time you take on the D.A. of Metropolis, watch your step. Hope I made up for not calling." Clark, who's been in the background the whole time, asks her who was on the phone. He frowns when she tells him it was the Blur. I bet he's like, "Damn, how'd my Blur sock puppet get hold of my phone?"
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Jayna and Zan's apartment. The Twins congratulate each other. Jayna cheers, "The D.A. is TKO!" Yeah, I'm thinking she totally bit his face off. (And thanks to the forum peeps who helped me figure out what she was saying there.) They fall back on their couch, ecstatic. "The Blur's back on top," Zan sighs happily. There's a familiar whoosh and then a shadow falls across them. "I have you to thank for that," Clark says. The Twins look up and see him in silhouette, his face obscured in shadows. They sit up, the awe etched (I must admit) rather adorably on their faces. Clark tells him he put his shield out there to inspire people to be their own heroes, and that's what they did. "We believe in you, Master B!" Jayna says. Girl, I'm just starting to warm up to you. Don't ruin it now. He tells him to believe in the shield, not him. He steps into the light so they can see his face. "Most importantly, believe in yourselves." The Twins just about plotz. [Of course, Jayna already knows what he looks like, since she saw him talking to Chloe earlier. - Z] He gently tells them they just need to be more careful. "People need you to make life and death decisions every day, and there's no room for mistakes." Dude, if the heroes on this show didn't make mistakes, the episodes would be 14 minutes long. He superzips away, leaving the Twins to revel in their happiness.
Dr. Zweig's office. Ugh. This again? Zweig tells Lois that she saw the news. "I never would have guessed that your mystery caller was none other than the Blur." I hope the good doctor turns out to be evil now that she's put two and two together. Lois, in a nice suit and very Palin-esque updo, says she can't believe she was so stupid. "I must have been crazy to look at Clark through Blur-colored glasses!" Zweig thinks it was natural for Lois to project the qualities of the "unobtainable men" she usually falls for onto someone closer to her. Lois wishes they were the same person, because it would be easier. Tearing up, she says, "When I heard the Blur's voice, something stirred inside of me, but my thoughts keep going back to Clark." She laughs a little in wonder. "That scared guy, who stepped onto the ledge to save me." Please let this be the last therapy session. Please?
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Watchtower. Clark walks in and Chloe greets him with a coffee mug that's been emblazoned with the S-shield. It comes from the street vendor, she says, who also sells T-shirts and key chains. Clark looks taken aback. You should have trademarked that symbol, Clark. You'd be rolling in dough from the licensing fees. Clark thinks it won't be long before the "Wonder Twins" (and that's the only time in the episode they're called this, or twins, at all) will be a household name. Chloe thinks that, with a little training, they'll be able to give him backup in the Halls of Justice. "I guess I had more backup than I thought," he says, with a smile and a nod toward Chloe. Speaking of which, how did she manage to impersonate the Blur? (I guess he automatically knew it was Chloe instead of Oliver, because Oliver's not in this episode.) She taps a few keys at her computer and a Blur-like voice says, "Pay no attention to the blond behind the curtain." Clark looks suddenly uncomfortable. She tells him to relax: "It's not like I'm the great and powerful Oz." It's just a computer program that allows her to type out things for a fake Blur to say. This doesn't comfort Clark, who wonders how she managed to know when to call Lois and what to say. With a measure of pride, she tells him she's been monitoring camera and cell phone communications. He realizes this means she's been eavesdropping on his calls to Lois. He calls her out on the Big Brother move. I should probably be indignant on his behalf, but it's so painfully contrived that I'm having a hard time working up much more than a, "Meh." She reminds him that the move got Lois off his trail. He frowns a bit and sighs, but doesn't press the issue any more than that.
Daily Planet, copy room. Clark has Lois sit down and close her eyes. "This isn't what I had in mind when you said you wanted to meet in the copy room," she says. He admits that she was right that he was keeping a secret from her. He turns his back for a moment, then turns around to show her that he's wearing glasses. I think they were forged from melted anvils. His big confession: "I'm a bit near-sighted." Too late to be using the glasses-as-disguise ploy, show. She goes up to him and tries the glasses on herself, completing my Palin association. "They're very...Clark Kent," she says, taking them off again. She admits Clark isn't the only one who's been shortsighted lately, as she's been seeing a different side of him. He tries to interrupt her, but she cuts him off: "It's OK, it's my hero complex to resolve." She says she tried to weigh him down with shining armor, which isn't fair, because nobody can be two different people. Knowing that she has this hero complex, you'd think Clark would realize he can't really date her while lying to her, but instead of looking mopey he seems quite pleased. "It means a lot that you thought I had it in me," he says. Soaring string music plays. She tries to get out of this tender moment by jokingly calling him four-eyes, and even goes so far as to start out of the room. But after a few moments' hesitation, she sighs and slides a stack of newspapers over toward him with her foot. To Clark's surprise, she steps up onto the stack and plants a kiss on him. He's just starting to get into things when Lois suddenly starts twitching and convulsing. [Then he really gets into things! - Z] She pulls away from him. She has one of her future visions: There's an image of Clark bathed in red light, Lois standing underneath a red sun, a sort of work camp prison type thing that bears the same symbol as the Kandorian orb, nookie with Clark, Clark in a cage, an injured and bloody Clark being dragged along the ground, and Chloe lying seemingly dead in the street while a fire rages behind her. Back in the present, Lois is passing out in Clark's arms as he frantically calls her name. Must've been one helluva kiss.
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Grade: You know, it wasn't horrible, exactly, but it relied too much on plot contrivances and didn't let the characters act like actual people. Plus, there was way too much therapy and not enough Wonder Twins, which, considering how annoying I generally find them, comes as a surprise to me to admit. Call it a C+ -- a tiny, tiny bit better than average.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what other superbeings have crossed Clark in our guide to the Heroes and Villains of Smallville!
Tippi Blevins sometimes feels like she needs therapy after one of these episodes, but finds a glass of wine to be cheaper and tastier. You can reach her at b_tippi@yahoo.com.
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