Short of speed-walking, this is just about the dorkiest form of exercise I've ever seen. A guy is jogging along a trail up in the hills while using ski poles. I don't get it. Does he have poor balance or something? He's also wearing a ball-cap and an orange day-glo vest over his windbreaker, just so he'll be prepared in case some highway maintenance breaks out. From this spot out in the wilderness, there's a clearing in the trees that overlooks the smoggy valley below, with its vague silhouettes of tall buildings. Ski-jogger pauses to check his heart rate, and while his eyes are on his watch, we wait for whatever sudden tragedy will instantly fell him without warning. A cerebral aneurysm? A pulmonary embolism? Multiple massive organ failure? Well, actually it's none of the above, because before any of these perfectly plausible events can step up and do its job, a cougar leaps out of nowhere and takes him down, apparently killing him instantly. Ah, one of those unfortunate individuals who turns out to not be at the top of the food chain after all. Always a disappointing discovery about oneself. The cat settles down to its meal, only briefly confused by the vest as it cracks open the jogger's chest cavity like the top crust of a pot pie. And we all share the final thought of Laurence Hall Matheson (1971-2005): Bad kitty! Bad! Why couldn't you have worked up the nerve to do that when Spawn was up here three years ago?
We pick up presumably a few minutes after last week's ep left off (another shout-out to the humble 24 recapper?), as Nate, his eyes now decently closed, is loaded on a gurney into an ambulance. Maggie begs to be allowed to ride along, but the EMTs refuse, saying only family is allowed and she'll have to follow behind and meet them at St. Bridget's hospital. The ambulance hits the siren and screams off into the night. Suddenly Maggie runs after it, yelling, "Wait, I am family! He's my stepbrother!" A little late to remember that, in more ways than one. She's left standing there in the street, holding Nate's jacket. She pulls the keys out of the pocket, runs to his car (because hers is in the shop, you'll recall), and hops in.
Meanwhile, Brenda is back at home, apparently having enjoyed as much Quaker church alone as she can for one night. She dials her cell phone, clearly not for the first time.
In Nate's car, Maggie hears Nate's cell phone ringing and pulls it out of his jacket. "Brenda Calling," says the display. Maggie fails to sack up enough to answer it. Which is a shame, because I would have loved to hear that conversation. At home, Brenda hangs up.
David and Keith are having some family bonding time with Anthony in front of the TV; they're watching Project Runway. Shouldn't they wait until the adoption is final before they start raising the kids gay? David's cell phone rings. "Nate Calling," says his display. He answers and breezily asks what's up, but of course it's a tearful Maggie calling from Nate's car on Nate's phone with the news that "Nate collapsed." David's concerned questions quickly attract Anthony's and Keith's attention, but Maggie doesn't know any of the answers. She wants David to meet her at the hospital, and he says he's on his way. "David, could you call Brenda?" she adds. David is confused (and perhaps a bit scandalized) by the question, but he quickly agrees. And then he tells Maggie, "Tell them AVM," But Maggie's already hung up. Keith asks what's wrong, and David instructs him to get the number for St. Bridget's and Nate's brain specialist. Would that make Nate's doctor a microbiologist? Keith gets on it, assuring a worried Anthony that everything will be all right.
Brenda's home phone rings, and she answers, "Where the fuck are you?" David identifies himself, but doesn't say much further besides the fact that something happened to Nate and David's headed to the hospital. "I just got a call," he non-explains. Brenda wonders who the caller is and why they didn't call her instead. Instead of answering, David asks, "Can you come?" Brenda says yes, which frees David up to hang up before Brenda can ask any more questions. He claims he's calling Ruth, but I think in order to get off that call he would have said the same thing if Ruth had been dead for ten years.
Claire and Lawyer Ted are out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, and they suddenly don't seem to have much to talk about. "It's nice to be quiet with someone," Ted remarks. Hey, maybe he should date Maggie. But he does manage to get Claire to tell him what's bothering her about the place: "I believe we've stumbled upon a Republican nest," she says. After that, it's a short jump to Claire dropping the phrase "stupid, evil war," a characterization with which Lawyer Ted disagrees: "We eliminated a murdering asshole dictator…The war was inevitable." Claire wonders if he's serious. He is, of course They stare at each other, wondering what the hell they've gotten into. Ted, here's a tip: don't use the word "quagmire."
Maggie's at the front desk at the emergency room, and someone asks her to fill out a medical history form. She can't even put pen to paper, since she knows nothing about Nate's medical history, aside from which direction he curves to. The moral? Always demand a full chart from all of your sexual partners. It's just common sense. The nurse kindly suggests Maggie check in Nate's jacket -- which she's still holding -- for his wallet, which might contain a clue as to his insurance provider. Fighting back tears, Maggie fumbles out the wallet. By the way, for all the folks who think Maggie's behavior makes her a big old whore, please note that she isn't shown removing any money.
Claire's date has gone from awkward to outright hostile. Ah, well; it was inevitable. I'm not going to get into the particulars of their argument, although I will say that while I basically agree with Claire's side, she's relying a little too heavily on personal attacks against Lawyer Ted. Who in turn is relying a little too heavily on abstract philosophy. But whatever. Thank God Claire's cell phone rings before things can get too much uglier. She answers, and there's a long pause while Ted resumes eating. And then his utensils freeze as Claire moans, "Oh, no." Those stupid telemarketers!
David has arrived at the hospital, and he and Maggie are talking to an ER doctor. David reveals that Nate's brain microbiologist is out of town, and they in turn learn from the doctor that Nate is still unconscious and will soon be going in for a CAT scan. Oh, no! Look out for cats, Nate! Even leaving aside what happened to the Corpse of the Week, all of Nate's ongoing bird symbolism would seem to contraindicate anything remotely feline. But of course I'm not any kind of doctor, let alone a specialist in symbolic medicine. The doctor gets confirmation from David that Nate has been asymptomatic since the beginning of Season Three, and then turns to Maggie for details of the moments immediately before Nate's near-fatal disk error. All she knows is Nate's remark about his arm. The doctor asks about any recent physical or mental stress, and David says Nate has indeed been under stress lately. He doesn't say why, although we all know that stress is like air for Nate; the most stressful situation I can imagine for him is having nothing to stress about. "But nothing physical?" the doctor asks. David looks at Maggie uncertainly, and she reluctantly admits that "There was…a climax." David looks mortified for Maggie and himself. "Okay, that's helpful," the doctor lies brightly, and takes off. Once David's alone with Maggie, he minds his own damn business, to his credit. He says Ruth's not answering her phone and she's not at George's. He even offers to call George again to see if he'd come to the hospital to be with Maggie, but she's like, "God, no." Gosh, why not? We've got to get Cromwell onscreen somehow. Maybe he could break the ice with a few inappropriate questions.
Just then the ER doors slam open and Brenda charges in. She couldn't look more urgent if she were riding a gurney and giving someone chest compressions. Before she spots David and Maggie, David gently takes Nate's jacket from Maggie. Brenda comes up to David, demanding to know what happened. "Um," David says. Maggie, who's been standing with her back to Brenda, turns to reveal her face. Brenda's not happy to see it. Maggie says in a rehearsed way, "I called 911. He was at my house when we collapsed. He came to pick me up for church." Brenda snaps, "Yeah, that was, like, two hours ago." Sadly, Maggie's little script is over and she has nothing to add. "Right," Brenda says. She tells David she wants to see Nate, but David explains about the CAT scan. So they've got some waiting to do.
Cut to Nate, parked on a gurney in the hospital hallway, waiting for his scan. The camera zooms in on his face and his eyes fly open as he Dead Zones into a vision of the last moments before his attack. Except now the camera angles are all different from the original scene and the lighting is all stark and high-contrast; Nate and Maggie are practically overexposed (even as they're getting dressed, heh heh), but the surrounding room is in near-darkness. Nate again says, "This wasn't planned," but he has his shirt on before he says it this time, which is different from the original. Maggie still knows. Their voices sound like they looped the dialogue in via speakerphone. And then Nate's arm goes numb again, but his tongue doesn't this time. Maggie goes to where he's standing -- yes, he's still standing -- and rubs his wrist as he says, "Whole thing just went to sleep there -- sleep there for a second." That dash indicates a deliberate editing glitch to convey, you know, whatever. They stand close to each other and wonder what they're going to do. They agree that they don't want to hurt anyone, and but then they start making out again. Um, guys? You're hurting me when you do that. And then the vision ends and sleepy, sleepy Nate is wheeled down the corridor, where hopefully the CAT scan will reveal just what the hell is wrong with him, anyway. I mean that in more than one sense, in case you're wondering.
Claire arrives at the ER with Lawyer Ted in tow, and she's quickly brought up to speed. "Last we heard, he was still unconscious," Maggie pipes up. Brenda, who's sitting as far away from Maggie as she can while still able to hear her, gives her a stink-eye while Claire gives a confused "o…kay." That out of the way, she introduces "my friend Ted" to "my brother David, my sister-in-law, Brenda…and Maggie." "Stepsister," Maggie volunteers. "Former. Sort of." David in particular looks like he's calling on his entire lifetime of experience in dealing with emotionally awkward situations as everyone sits down to wait. Claire whispers to David, "Why is she here?" "Later," David whispers back.
Meanwhile, up in the woods, Hiram the Hairdresser's got the tent set up and the campfire going. Whatever his other faults (and we'll be seeing a few new ones later on), he's an efficient camper. He and Ruth sit on a log watching the campfire as he puts the moves on her about as smoothly as a horny teenager. Ruth pushes him away, saying, "I'd like to see life clearly. And that's the first thing that goes out the window when I get romantic." Right, because she's so stable and sensible during her celibate periods. "You're overthinking," says Hiram, which even Ruth has to realize is a barely-polite way of saying "Shut up and take your pants off." He insists that Ruth came back to him for a reason. "What reason?" Ruth asks, along with the entire viewing audience. Hiram says, "This," and starts kissing her again. He begins to unzip her jacket. Oh, ew. Back off, Begley.
Back at the hospital, the rest of the Fishers (and Maggie and Lawyer Ted, of course) are being introduced to Nate's neurosurgeon for the evening, who's being played by Michele Greene (because she was available after the Lifetime Original Movie that was shooting that week was able to secure Meredith Baxter Birney, Nancy McKeon, Markie Post, Lindsay Wagner, and/or Lisa Rinna). She announces that the CAT scan turned up a hemorrhage, and they're going to have to operate right away. David asks if it was another AVM, and Dr. Lifetime says they won't know anything until they crack open Nate's skull. "Are there any other options?" asks Lawyer Ted. Everyone looks at him. "Sometimes there are," he explains. The ER doctor insists that they have to stop the bleeding before there's more damage. Maggie: "There's damage?" Brenda: "What kind of damage?" Seems like the women in his life would be in a better position to know that than anyone. Dr. Lifetime says they don't know, but they should be prepared for "changes." Yay! Oh, wait, everyone looks sad. Boo, I guess. David again asks to see Nate, but the doctors say they have to get started right away, and introduces them to a guy who's going to show them to the surgical waiting room. The ER doc says to Maggie, "Mrs. Fisher, could you go with Derek and sign the papers?" "I'm Nate's wife," Brenda says. "Oh! I beg your pardon," the ER doc says hilariously, and uses Derek to cover his escape. They all follow Derek through the interior door.
If you're worried about all this going on while the Diazes are sleeping, don't. Vanessa's up, sitting at the kitchen table at home in her terry-cloth bathrobe. For whatever reason, she relocates to the living-room sofa and trips over some toy on the floor in the stygian gloom of the day-for-night filters. The ruckus apparently wakes Rico, who comes out asking if she's hurt. He sits down to her, and instead of saying anything she makes an unmistakable "stay away" gesture as he sits on the couch to her. "Fine, I give up," he sighs. Finally she breaks her long silence: "How could you say I don't love you? How could you think that?" Because he reads the recaps? "What am I supposed to think, Vanessa?" he asks. "You treat me like shit." Vanessa: "You're not supposed to love someone who cheats on you. It's stupid. It's weak. I know, because I work with these women." And they'd be so touched to hear that she thinks they're weak and stupid, I'm sure. "They get their hearts broken every Saturday night and I won't be like that. I fucking refuse…But then here I am in the same house with you…you're closer to me than my skin. That's how much you're a part of me, Rico. I can't ever stop loving you. That's why I treat you like shit." Wow, she loves him a lot. Crying, she says, "Don't you get it?" Rico pulls her into a hug and says, "Got it." Really good scene between these two. Justina Machado more than earned her status as a regular cast member. While Rico holds her, the phone rings. Stupid telemarketers!
Back at the hospital, David gets off his cell phone with Rico (ah, I guess it wasn't a telemarketer) and asks Claire if he can use her phone, since his battery's running out. Lawyer Ted whips his out and hands it over first. Claire is still worried about Ruth. "She's not answering her cell?" Ted asks. "She doesn't have one," David explains. On his way out, he's stopped by Maggie, who asks how long it's been. David grunts his ignorance, highly conscious of Brenda staring holes in both of them, and then heads outside to call Keith. "God, what if something happened to my mother?" Claire stresses, and gets up to walk to the far side of the room. "That's extremely unlikely," Ted assures her. Obviously he's new here. Claire sits on a sofa, saying she's flipping. "I don't blame you," Ted says, and sits to her to hold her hand.
Maggie figures this is as good a time as any to make her escape, and she gets up to leave. "I think you should stay," Brenda drones. "You were with him, you might know something that none of us do." Close-up on Claire and Ted, starting to pick up on the tension between the two women. Maggie sits. And Brenda coldly goes to work on her from across the room, without ever getting up. "Did he just pass out?" Brenda asks. "What were you guys doing?" Maggie claims they were talking. Brenda presses, "Could you tell something was wrong?" Maggie says Nate was fine. "Did he have his phone on? Because I called, like, twenty times." Maggie doesn't answer. "How long were you guys 'talking'?" Brenda continues. Maggie says she doesn't know. Brenda asks what they talked about: "His daughter and his pregnant wife?" Maggie just stares into space. By now, of course, Ted and Claire appear to be fairly well clued in, as they're glancing beck and forth between the wife and the other woman like spectators at the world's most awkward tennis match. Claire whispers to Ted, "You don't have to stay…I got people here for support." "Right," Ted whispers sarcastically, and Claire gives a little gallows giggle. Brenda tosses aside the magazine she's been pretending to flip through.
Hiram and Ruth have taken their little party into the tent, where he's crawling all over her and she could not possibly be less into it. She complains that she's lying on a rock while he mauls her and makes all sorts of demands: "Tell me you missed me…Hold me...I want you naked…Say my name." "Hiram!" she screams. He loves that, until she yells, "Get off me!" She pushes him off and gets out of the tent, saying, "I can't do this." Good call, Ruth.
The party in the surgical waiting room, meanwhile, just keeps getting smaller. It's only Maggie, Claire, and Lawyer Ted now, as Brenda raids the vending machine in the hallway. David comes up to her and offers to make a cafeteria run for her. She declines, apparently because a bag of chips is all the Mommy Chow she needs. Speaking of which, David asks how she's feeling on that front. Brenda says the morning sickness is gone and "she's kicking like a horse." David is happy to hear that it's a girl, and Brenda seems mildly disappointed (though not surprised) that Nate didn't tell him. David asks after the name, and Brenda says the only one Nate and she can agree on is Willa. That makes sense; Brenda is probably a Willa Cather fan, and Nate has probably sat through a few Willa Ford videos. David says that's a pretty name. "A little sister for Maya," he moons. He starts talking about Anthony and Durrell's bond. Brenda says she admires their not going for the perfect little infant. "Well, we went for it, we just didn't get it," David says. "And I'm totally glad we didn't because these kids need us. And I love them to death. And then there are days I want to kill them." "Well, that's part of the fun," Brenda agrees, thinking that with Nate, wanting to kill him is pretty much all of the fun.
Ruth sits outside the tent and stares at the fire while Hiram snores inside. What a gentleman. I hope he wakes up on that rock.
The Fishers doze in the waiting room, while Ted and Maggie sit quietly awake. Dr. Lifetime comes in, still in her scrubs, and explains that Nate did in fact develop a new AVM that ruptured. They stopped the cranial bleeding, but Nate is now in a coma, and there may end up being long-term effects which they won't know about until Nate wakes up, and they don't know when that's going to be; it could be days or weeks. "Jesus," Claire moans. Brenda asks what kind of effects she's talking about. Dr. Lifetime lists off a few possible symptoms: "Loss of vision, memory, impairment of speech and movement." Ted says his grandfather had a stroke and learned to speak and walk again. Dr. Lifetime agrees that that's possible, but they won't know until Nate's awake. For the umpteenth time, David asks to see his brother, and Dr. Lifetime tells them to wait until Nate's out of recovery. "Let's just get him through the night, okay? Hold good thoughts." As she leaves, David thanks her, and Claire elaborates, "Thank you for the worst fucking news I ever heard." She sits down to have herself a good cry, and Ted comforts her. David walks out without another word, presumably to call Keith again. "He's alive," Maggie says. "That's something." Brenda sighs.
Nate lies in a dark room, hooked up to any number of machines with a bandage over his head. And what's going on under that bandage? Besides the sideburns poking out from it, I mean? Well, Nate's having another starkly-shot vision, this one of a confession to Brenda that hasn't actually happened. He's wearing the clothes he wore to Maggie's house, and Brenda's all dressed up for her breakup in a stunning full-length, blue silk brocade gown. "You're so fucking predictable," she tells Nate. Nate claims it wasn't about the sex. "Oh, right," Brenda says, "you fucked her because of silence and meaning and God -- not because we're having a hard time and you needed an illusion to stick your dick in." Wow, even Dream Brenda has Nate's number. Nate says they're always having a hard time. "I used to think it was passion, but you know, it's just drama." Thanks for catching up with the rest of us, Nate, five years later. Maybe you could have had that little epiphany before impregnating her. Brenda reminds Nate, "You came to me. I had my own fucking life before you turned up on my doorstep, bleeding and crazy." Nate remembers that too, but he says, "We weren't meant to be." Brenda, amazed (despite having suggested something similar at Nate's birthday party), says, "What Quaker bullshit! You think you and Maggie are meant to be after you slept with her, what, once? What are you, fifteen?" I'd say that's nondenominational bullshit, actually. Nate: "No, I'm forty years old. I see that there can be peace between a man and a woman and that's what I want." But what happens when you stop being polite and start being real? Brenda says, "I'm certainly not going to beg you to stay." But she suggests that he ask himself, "What kind of man betrays his pregnant wife and leaves her?" Our protagonist, ladies and gentlemen. Nate tells her it's better this way. And then the vision ends before he can choke on my vomit. You'd think that as long as the surgeons were tinkering around in his melon, they could have figured out some way to make him less of an asshole. Fade to white/Nate ain't right.
Fade up the morning on Nate's sleeping face. After building up the "suspense" for a metric eternity, he slowly opens his eyes. Sitting in the chair to his bed, Brenda says his name and sends the nurse to find the doctor. "Do you know who I am?" she asks. Rather than taking the obvious escape route that she's just offered him, Nate emotionlessly says her name. She sobs with relief and explains that he had a cerebral hemorrhage. "We thought you might be in a coma for months, but here you are." Whee! In the background, Nate's elderly roommate gets up with his neck brace and IV stand and heads to the bathroom. Nate asks what's wrong with his arm and leg. Brenda says that the doctors said he might have problems for a while. Nate actually manages to look put-upon, after having a brain-fart that by rights should have killed his ungrateful ass. Oh, well. Maybe he'll have another one. "Maya?" he says. Brenda says she's with Ma Chenowith. Even with his face half-paralyzed Nate looks annoyed. "It was an emergency," Brenda explains. Where was Maya during Quaker church, is what I'm still wondering. Brenda asks if he remembers being with Maggie. He does. Fortunately, the nurse arrives just in time to kick Brenda out so they can run some tests on Nate. Brenda leaves, saying she'll spread the word. The nurse bangs on the bathroom door, hollering at Nate's roommate, "Chuck! Get back in that bed!" Nate calls after Brenda but she's already gone.
Ruth and Hiram are out gathering firewood, and Ruth calls Hiram out for not speaking to her. Like that's a bad thing. He says he doesn't want to say something he'll regret. Ruth: "I'm full of regrets. What's one more?" Ah, but it's never just one with you, is it, Ruth? They're like potato chips. Hiram says, "I think it was rude and selfish of you to leave the tent last night." Ruth correctly realizes that by "leave the tent" he really means "not have sex with me." Hiram elaborates, "You led me on, and then you pushed me away. I feel rejected and humiliated." Again, like that's a bad thing. Sounds like all is right with the world to me. Ruth says, "What do want me to do, just lie there while you do whatever? I am not a receptacle." Hiram says she didn't even offer any oral or manual alternatives. Ick. "I'm a sensitive man, Ruth, but I have needs," he complains, as if they hadn't just had sex at the funeral home the night before last. "Your needs are not my responsibility!" she yells at him, and flings her armload of firewood at him before stomping off. Again, his camping skills outpace most of his other qualities as a human being, as he actually manages to catch most of it. Hiram asks where she's going, saying she doesn't have the skills to survive in the wilderness. Not that he follows her or anything. "Oh, go give yourself a handjob!" she hollers back. No! Don't! Cut now! CUT NOW! SCENE!
Thank God, we're back at the hospital. Dr. Lifetime has gone home for the day (presumably because Gail O'Grady, Valerie Bertinelli, and Melissa Gilbert had other commitments), so another neurologist is there to update Nate's wife and siblings while Maggie and Lawyer Ted hang out in the doorway to his room. Replacement Doctor starts to explain about AVMs, and gets kind of flustered to hear that they already know about the phenomenon, let alone that Nate had one before. It takes a while to for him to get up to the current news, which is that Nate's vitals are stable and "everything looks good except for some weakness on your right side." Oh, and his complete lack of anything resembling a soul. Maybe the hemorrhage took that out. ["A hearty sneeze probably took that out decades ago. Dick." -- Sars] Replacement Doctor adds that Nate can start physical therapy whenever he's up to it, and that he can leave the hospital in a week or two if he continues to improve. Claire, being kind of clingy in the little-sister position right up to Nate's head, forces Nate to say he's all right now. Replacement Doctor says everyone's proud of Nate for the fight he put up. "I have a lot to live for," Nate tells the doctor without looking at anyone else. Brenda smiles at him. Oh, poor, dumb Brenda. David signals Claire, and everyone leaves Nate and Brenda alone. They look at each other for a while, she nervously and he totally blankly. Finally she decides that neither of them is up for what comes , so she announces that she'll go pick up Maya. "Thanks," Nate says. I would mention here that neither of them has said "I love you" like a normal married couple would have by now, but they also haven't said "Two plus two is pi" or "My lungs metabolize ammonia" either, for the same obvious reason.
Ruth walks along a wide dirt road in a park somewhere, looking tired and lost. She's using a loose branch as a walking stick, as one does. Suddenly, Hiram appears in her path, hat in hand, smirking, "Ruth, you came to me for a reason." Ruth agrees, "Yeah, this!" And she raises her walking stick, which has suddenly turned into a shotgun, and blows Hiram away. There's a little shooting-gallery sound effect and circus music as he bloodlessly flies backward, just so we know this is all in fun and not actually violent, here on HBO, the home of The Sopranos. Nikolai the Flower Guy appears in Hiram's place, growling, "Ruthie! Bring me my lunch!" The gun comes up again, and the Russian goes down, crutches and all. From behind a nearby tree, Arthur pops out. "I care for you," he smarms. "Let's rub heads." Heh. Ruth lets off a blast from the hip, and Arthur's down. She's still savoring that moment when George, looking disheveled and unshaven in a ski jacket, v-neck t-shirt, and track pants, claims, "It's perfectly normal to live in a bomb shelter." Blam! Down goes George, although Cromwell got to be in the credits for another week. Ruth continues down the path, only to run into Late Nate, wearing a gray tweed two-piece and black tie instead of the black three-piece we're used to seeing him in. The circus music stops at this emotional reunion. "I'm your first love, Ruth," he says. "The father of your children. I'm where it all began." Ruth looks thrilled to see him. He smiles back at her. And she blows him away as the circus music kicks in again. He probably should have left that last sentence off. Ruth continues jauntily down the path, her walking stick a stick again, like it's supposed to be. I imagine that Ruth Fisher owning a firearm would constitute some kind of violation of funeral industry antitrust regulations.
Back in Nate's hospital room, Keith has brought the kids in for a visit. Durrell's playing cards with Nate's elderly roommate, while Anthony sits alone in the far corner looking unhappy. Keith asks Nate if it's too much for him, and Nate says it's good. "[The kids] wanted to come and meet you," David says, although he pronounces "meet" like "see" for some reason. "No I didn't!" Anthony protests loudly. Nate laughs, because it's funny that even innocent little children hate him now. Keith says something reassuring about Nate's weakened limbs. "It's strange," Nate says. "I have to really concentrate to make anything happen." David reminds Nate that it's not permanent, and Keith says he knows a cop who wasn't ever supposed to get out of a wheelchair and is now running. And that cop hasn't even met Brenda. Durrell crows a little too loudly about winning his card game, and in the commotion, Anthony squirms out of his chair and crawls out. Keith immediately notices the kid's gone, and David runs out in pursuit. Nate laughs, because it's funny that even innocent little children can't wait to get away from him.
It's another parking-garage goodnight for Claire and Lawyer Ted, as she says she doesn't know how to thank him for sticking around. "I'll think of a way," he shrugs. She's amazed that he spent the night in a hospital on a first date. "That's just fucking goodness," she gushes. He says she'd do the same thing for him. "I would now," she says, and gives him a big hug. "Your brother's fine," he says, and they kiss gently. I wonder if she's pro-war now.
David's sitting alone by Nate's bed, telling his brother about how much he wanted to smoke a joint during parent-teacher conferences (which must be nothing compared to the jones he must have been battling the last eighteen hours or so), when Maggie appears in the doorway. Nate follows David's gaze and happily says, "Maggie!" He was nowhere near this excited to see Brenda, of course. He reaches out his hand as David gets up to leave and invites her to stay. "I'm sure my boys are creating mayhem somewhere." Maggie takes Nate's hand and they smile happily at each other as David excuses himself. Once they're alone, she makes him swear he's all right. "If only I hadn't asked you for a ride," she says. So to speak. Nate says he has no regrets. "You're making love with somebody and your head explodes, that's a good sign." Wow, he could find justification in an actual, literal lightning bolt. With God's name on it. Addressed to Nate by name. That he had to sign for. "You're awful," she says. Wow, she's already into that stage of a relationship with Nate? Oh, wait, she's laughing. She says the night before was a hundred years long. What, like she couldn't have told him to hurry up? Oh, maybe she means the hospital part of last night. Nate says he has so much to say that he doesn't know where to start. Like that ever stopped him. She tells him to rest for now. Already telling him to shut up? I might actually like this girl. You know what would make me like her even more? If she totally rejected Nate and he dumped Brenda for nothing. That would be awesome.
Just then Rico pops in and raps on the door frame. He and Maggie greet each other by name (I think this is actually their first scene together, although of course they would have met before now, what with Rico having lived under the same roof as her dad for a while). Maggie tells Nate to take care, and clasps his hand lovingly before leaving. Nate watches her go, even as Rico comes in with a low five and sits down in the visitor's chair. "Man, oh man, oh man. What the hell, Nate?" he says. "Pretty fucking bizarre, huh?" Nate agrees. Out of all the post-coma conversations we've seen this episode, this is the one that rings most true to me, because it's the closest thing to most of the conversations I had with people after my own brain-fart last fall. Rico explains that he can't stay long, because he has an intake to deal with: "This guy got mauled by a cougar." Nate's amazed to hear it, but Rico gleefully confirms, "Right here in L.A. He was walking in the canyon." Nate sighs and says, "The ecotone." He explains, "It's an area where two ecological worlds overlap. You know, like wilderness and civilization." It's also rife with symbolism. Rico tries the word out for himself. "I'll be sure to say that in the intake," he tells Nate. Yeah, it's a gift.
Where's Ruth? Still in the ecotone. But instead of a cougar, she comes across a group of people in a clearing practicing tai chi. There's a bus parked in the background. Ruth runs up to a woman reading a magazine, but the woman doesn't speak English. She says something in Mandarin and goes running off. Ruth, having completely missed the fact that one of those "Mandarin" words was the name Courtney, calls out desperately that she just wants to go home. And then the woman comes running back with a younger Asian woman who says in perfect English, "Hi, I'm Courtney. Is there a problem?" Oh, don't get her started, Courtney.
Keith and David and the boys are settling down for a hospital cafeteria lunch. Well, Anthony's not settling. He's not only refusing to eat, he dives under the table to try to escape. David and Keith smoothly team up to get him back in his chair, and David insists they're staying until they're sure Nate's better. Durrell assures Anthony, "It's okay. Just chill." Interesting to see him as the voice of good behavior for a change. Rather than chilling, Anthony sweeps his lunch to the floor and runs off. Keith and Durrell take off in pursuit, but David calls Durrell back to help him clean up and tell him what's going on with Anthony. "Are you blind?" Durrell says. "He hates hospitals. We always had to go when mama OD'ed." I could go on and on about how not surprised I am at this revelation, but it's totally news to David. He asks Durrell why Anthony didn't tell them. "You didn't ask," Durrell says. Durrell's said that before, but this time he kind of has a point.
Nate snoozes in his hospital bed. "Look who's here," Brenda's voice says, and she sweeps aside the curtain to reveal herself and Maya. "Daddeee!" Maya says happily, and clambers up onto his bed. They share a hug while Brenda closes the door to give them a little privacy (I guess Chuck is in the bathroom again). "I'm very happy to see you," Nate says to his daughter with an almost complete lack of affect. Brenda sits in the chair (none too close to Nate), and suggests Maya read her book. "Oh, you brought a book, huh?" Nate says to Maya, all fake-happy-like, when of course what he means is "Here we go." And indeed, Brenda opens with, "I was waiting for you at the church last night. While you and Maggie were…talking." Nate doesn't react. Brenda calmly continues, "I told you to go do what you want. I guess you did." Nate says he didn't want it to go this way. Hmm, if only there had been anything at all he could have done to prevent it. How clumsy of him to have accidentally dropped his pecker into Maggie like that. Brenda's not done: "I've been up all night, thinking and…you're alive." She smiles. "That's all that really matters. We've been through worse together, I guess. We'll get through this too." Nate takes a deep breath and says, "I don't think so." Brenda's face falls in shock. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" she asks. Nate says he is, and just continues looking at her with no expression whatsoever. Brenda tries not to lose her shit. "What about Maya?" she asks. Nate says that's a future conversation. Presumably because he still needs Brenda to take care of her until he's all better. Willa's a future conversation too, one assumes. Unless Nate has already decided that she's not his problem, which would surprise me not at all. Brenda stands up, saying, "So that's it? You're done? We're not even gonna try?" Nate says they've been trying. So obviously her little church appearance didn't impress him. Nate says they're just different. Brenda: "Yeah, you're a narcissist. I don't think you're even capable of committing to anybody or anything, even yourself." Nate says, "I'm not gonna fight. I'm so tired of fighting." Well, how nice for you. Brenda stands there and sighs, while Maya sits on the foot of Nate's bed and reads her book. How much does it suck to be Brenda right now? She makes the incredibly generous gesture of forgiving Nate before he even apologizes, and not only is he not grateful for it, he dumps her. I wish I could be certain that Nate's going to regret that for the rest of his life, but even that's going to turn out to be too much to ask.
Ruth's on the tai chi bus home, talking to the group leader while Courtney translates. It's more of the same as Ruth bitches about being single and about her unfortunate romantic history. The punch line? "All men are crazy," the leader says through Courtney. "Stick with the devil you know." Ah, sweet, sweet Chinese translating scenes. They recap so quickly, especially when they have no point.
Now it's just the Fisher siblings in Nate's room as David asks the universe, "Where the fuck could she be?" He apologizes to Chuck for his language, who says from the other side of the curtain, "That's okay. I'm a Buddhist. We don't care about that shit." I think that's the closest the whole Chuck thing is ever going to come to paying off. Claire says she's just pissed at Ruth now. "That's really irresponsible of her." Wow, getting called irresponsible by Claire has to hurt. Nate says Ruth wouldn't have been able to handle it anyway. "She'd get all upset, flap around and squawk, we'd have to take care of her." David agrees, "Poor Mom. She's so out there." Nate says, "All that stuff with George really did a job on her." Claire cracks, "She could still show up for her own son's coma." The dancers laugh. Claire stretches and gets up, saying she's going to go home for a shower. "I was gonna say," Nate says. It's the little moments like that that I like about this show, more than all the big, crazy drama. Now that it's too late to do anything about it. Claire says she'll be back, and Nate says there's nothing for her to do but "watch the nurses wake me up every ten minutes." Claire kisses his hand and smiles, then kisses David and Nate's cheeks. "Goodbye, Chuck!" she calls, and he answers in kind. Nate tells David he should leave too. David says, "maybe later, I'll keep you company." Nate confesses that he's tired. David suggests they watch TV. He turns his chair to face the tube, positions Claire's empty chair to put his feet up, and calls to Chuck to turn it up. On the screen, a flock of birds dives into the ocean. The camera zooms past David's head and in on Nate's to the sound of seagulls and the crashing surf. And if there's one thing we've learned from this show, it's not to trust anything that goes on in Nate's head when people have been rooting around in it, so any interpretations I have about what follows are my own, and may be entirely wrong. Nate's eyes fly open for the last time.
He's lying on a single bed in a room at the funeral home, wearing a dark blue t-shirt and shorts. He gets up and goes to the window at the sound of a car horn honking and somebody calling his name. He heads out the front door, and there's a ratty old van parked on the sidewalk, pointing out towards the street corner. The back doors are open, and standing on the sidewalk behind the van is a thin Phillip Seymour Hoffman, who stubs out his joint on the pavement and stoners, "Fuck, dude, we've been honking for, like, ever. Let's go." He climbs in and roughly hauls Nate in behind him, saying, "We're gonna be late." Well, one of you is, if you know what I mean. "Jesus, David, what's with the grip?" Nate protests. Wait, that's David? What's with the Spicoli mane and the giant blond goatee? And why doesn't he look more ridiculous with them? I suspect it's because Michael C. Hall is an outstanding actor. Just a theory. David pulls the van doors shut and we see that it's the funeral home's white van that David was driving when he was abducted. But it's got a pair of surfboards mounted to the roof now, and the inside is all tricked out like some '70s pussywagon. As the van peels out onto the street, the Fisher brothers settle down in the back to enjoy some kind bud. Nate asks David where his suit is. "I'm wearing it, dude," David says. David's "suit" in this scene is a pair of flip-flops, board shorts, and a green t-shirt he stole out of Matthew Lillard's trailer on the set of Scooby Doo. David asks Nate if he's stoked. Nate guesses. "You guess, you asshole? We've been waiting for this our whole fucking lives, man." Nate, still getting used to his brother's new look, tells David in amazement, "This is so fucking weird, man! I had this whole other idea of you, like I thought you were this whole completely other person." Like any good mystical dream figure, David explains the situation to Nate: "You are so fucking toasted, man!" They both laugh raucously.
Suddenly the van screeches to a halt, and they nearly fall off their seats. We see the van's driver for the first time as Late Nate yells back, "Am I going to have to separate you boys?" Nate gets serious -- whether it's at the realization that he's in a vehicle being driven by a dead man, or the fact that Dad's glowering at him, we don't know. But the tension is broken when Late Nate announces, "We are so fucking lost," and breaks into a zany guffaw. The boys laugh right back at him, because they're stoned and everything's funny. You could say "Chief Justice Scalia" to them right now and they'd crack up. Behind Late Nate, we can see a beach scene through the windshield. He asks for the joint, and as Nate and David come to the front to pass it along and take a look out, from their point of view all they can see is the sun glinting off the ocean.
Everyone climbs out (Late Nate's back in his traditional three-piece, of course) and Nate admires the crashing waves. "I'm going in," Nate says, removing his shirt. "Up to you," Late Nate says. David warns him not to, and Nate reminds him as he that that's what they came for. As he runs toward the surf, David calls after him that there might be sharks.
Suddenly all the colors go kind of muddy and Late Nate says to David -- who's suddenly clean-shaven, clean-cut, back in his suit, and uptight as hell, like we all know him -- "Why don't you join him?" "Why don't you join him?" David snits back. I think we're in David's dream now. Nate yells back to David, "You've gotta try this! It's so fucking warm!" But does it reek of brimstone? He dives into the breakers and disappears. His brother stands on the beach watching nervously, waiting for him to come up. But before he does, Late Nate throws an arm around David's shoulder and waves a pipe under his nose, asking, "Wanna smoke some crack?"
Close-up on David's startled-awake face as the dream ends with Late Nate's evil cackle. David fell asleep watching TV, but he's just noticed the sound of the alarm on Nate's EKG. The screen shows a zero and a long flat line. As for Nate himself, his face has gone slack, and his eyes are once again standing open, staring at nothing. David says Nate's name and tries to shake him awake, but doesn't panic or call for a nurse. Or even get out of his chair, for that matter. I guess he realizes it's already too late. This hospital sucks. Either that, or they got my check. Slowest, longest fade to white ever.
And if I weren't already convinced that the last moments of that dream were David's, the clincher is that if there's a God, Nathaniel Samuel Fisher, Jr. (1965-2005) is now melting in Hell.
Everyone climbs out (Late Nate's back in his traditional three-piece, of course) and Nate admires the crashing waves. "I'm going in," Nate says, removing his shirt. "Up to you," Late Nate says. David warns him not to, and Nate reminds him as he that that's what they came for. As he runs toward the surf, David calls after him that there might be sharks.
Suddenly all the colors go kind of muddy and Late Nate says to David -- who's suddenly clean-shaven, clean-cut, back in his suit, and uptight as hell, like we all know him -- "Why don't you join him?" "Why don't you join him?" David snits back. I think we're in David's dream now. Nate yells back to David, "You've gotta try this! It's so fucking warm!" But does it reek of brimstone? He dives into the breakers and disappears. His brother stands on the beach watching nervously, waiting for him to come up. But before he does, Late Nate throws an arm around David's shoulder and waves a pipe under his nose, asking, "Wanna smoke some crack?"
Close-up on David's startled-awake face as the dream ends with Late Nate's evil cackle. David fell asleep watching TV, but he's just noticed the sound of the alarm on Nate's EKG. The screen shows a zero and a long flat line. As for Nate himself, his face has gone slack, and his eyes are once again standing open, staring at nothing. David says Nate's name and tries to shake him awake, but doesn't panic or call for a nurse. Or even get out of his chair, for that matter. I guess he realizes it's already too late. This hospital sucks. Either that, or they got my check. Slowest, longest fade to white ever.
And if I weren't already convinced that the last moments of that dream were David's, the clincher is that if there's a God, Nathaniel Samuel Fisher, Jr. (1965-2005) is now melting in Hell.