Pan down onto a quiet trailer park. The magic of editing brings us inside one of the packed-together mobile homes. A still-life video montage gives us clues to the pleasant life that's about to end therein: TV "personalities" jabbering away cheerfully on the morning show. Kettle on the stove. Coffee in the filter, gardening gloves to them. Shelves and shelves of tchotchkes. The sound of the toilet lid going up in the bathroom. Christmas cards. Photos. Knitting. The sound of a book hitting the floor in the bathroom. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People on the linoleum. The teakettle whistling. The old lady on the terlet with her pants around her ankles. So long, Lila Simonds Coolidge (1909-2005). Don't be embarrassed about the way you ended up going out. It was good enough for Elvis.
Forget about all that hippy-dippy Circle of Life crap, because tonight? Life is a line and you're going to like it. And we now go from one end of that line to the other, as symbolized by the used pregnancy test sitting out on the counter of an entirely different bathroom, namely Nate's. We can't see what the results might be, and shirtless Nate isn't interested anyway. He's more interested in his current spot at some arbitrary midpoint between the two ends of the Line of Life. He closely inspects his face in the mirror, trying different expressions one after another. He looks like he's trying to read his reflection's mind, but of course, he ends up quitting, because it's too hard.
When Nate comes out to the kitchen fully dressed in his suit and tie, Brenda and Maya are waiting for him. At Brenda's prompting, Maya lisps, "Happy biff-dayyYYYY!." Okay, that was cute. Nate thanks and kisses the women in his life. Brenda, in particular, seems to be waiting for more from him, but he moves on, oblivious to both her attitude and the bulge that's pushing out the front of her already bulky sweater. Brenda, you're supposed to take the pregnancy test before you start showing. Otherwise you're just wasting twelve bucks. And, okay, I know Rachel Griffiths was actually pregnant during the shooting of this season, but if they're not going to bother to try and hide it, then I'm not going to bother trying not to notice. "Did you notice anything in the bathroom?" she asks pointedly. After obsessing more about his new wrinkles, Nate finally gets it: "Are you pregnant?" Brenda excitedly confirms it. "That's great!" Nate says, walking over to hug her. "Congratulations!" Uh-oh. Brenda immediately shuts down. "Come on, what am I supposed to say?" Nate asks. What did you say last time, dude? Brenda basically starts hustling him and Maya out the door. "Thank you for your hearty congratulations," she snarks before storming off to get ready for work. "I'm happy, just tell me again," Nate says. Yeah, Brenda's all about take two, isn't she?
Over at another location for high-maintenance Chenowiths and the Fishers who love them, Claire is getting ready to go to...a job she doesn't have? The school she's not enrolled in? Shopping with money she doesn't have access to? I don't know, somewhere. Billy comes out of the bedroom in his tighty-whities whining that he can't find his "Ski Iraq" shirt. Claire says that she hasn't seen it since he wore it last night. Billy throws a snit fit. "What is your problem?" Claire demands. Hey, Claire, here's a theory: maybe he's off his meds. Billy goes to the fridge saying he doesn't think he can wear clothes today. I don't think your shirt is in the lettuce crisper, dude. Although, who can tell, what with your being off your meds. Claire suggests that Billy see a doctor: "Every day with you, it's like a bigger problem." Billy slams the fridge and stomps towards her, saying, "Not everything is something that can be medicated, Claire!" which she doesn't realize is something nobody would ever say unless they're off their meds. Claire backs off both literally and figuratively. Billy says that his clothes feel "heavy" today: "I want my 'Ski Iraq' shirt." ["That's totally something Glark said all winter, only he would be complaining that his clothes were all too light because he's never not cold, and what he wanted were what we call his 'puffy pants' -- cargo pants lined with polar fleece -- and he couldn't understand that sometimes they were in the washer and he couldn't wear them every single day, BUT ANYWAY." -- Wing Chun] Claire offers to help him find it. Billy sighs, relieved: "That's all I wanted, was some help." He hugs a confused Claire. "I still feel like I have something on," he chuckles, heading back to the bedroom. Claire nervously watches him go, wondering what's going on with him. Hey, you suppose he's off his meds?
David and Keith are sitting in a diner across from Mary (their potential surrogate mother) and someone from the surrogate agency. Keith formally asks Mary to "be our egg donor and our surrogate." Mary's all atwitter: "I've never been proposed to like this. Most people are so businesslike...Whose seed will it be?" "His," David answers, and Keith and Mary smile at each other as if they're going to have actual sex. The surrogate agency lady asks Mary if that's a yes. "Yes, yes, of course, yes!" gushes Mary, and takes a sip of coffee. David asks if there's caffeine in it. Mary stops sparkling for the first time since we've met her. "Oh, we're into that already," she says flatly. "Okay. It was so nice for a minute there." David says he only asks because he's read that caffeine makes it harder to conceive. Mary cheerily assures David that she conceives easily: "It's kind of unsettling. But I assure you, once we sign the papers, I will look forward to working close with you to make sure our baby is healthy and gets conceived." In that order? Everyone agrees that they're really excited. I really hope Mary doesn't turn out to be a nutbar. ["'turn out'?" -- Wing Chun] The server comes to collect Mary's plate, asking, "Are you finished with your eggs?" Heh. I wonder if Keith had sausage.
Ruth's knitting-circle session is just winding up, if you'll pardon the expression, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. Everyone but Ruth and the other knitter with lines gets up to leave. The teacher or store owner or whatever she is, a snooty-sitcom-mom type named Victoria, sits to Ruth and the other woman and asks Ruth for "The George Report." Ruth says that George started another round of electroshock. Good thing we had that whole setup last week with George not wanting Ruth to know about that. Way to milk all kinds of drama out of that secret and its ultimate revelation. Ruth says George and Maggie think the ECT is working, but that "the days after the treatments are such a challenge for" Ruth. Which is what really matters, after all. Somebody's going through some shit? How does it affect the nearest Fisher, is what I always want to know. After enabling Ruth's self-pity for a bit, Victoria asks if Ruth is signed up for week's class. Ruth says she'll try to make it, and gets up to go. "It's all good, right?" Victoria tips her a wink. The other ladies watch her go sympathetically. Once she's out on the sidewalk, she starts crying before walking off. Nice clear view of the store window, though, with the name and slogan clearly visible. That must be in exchange for all the yarn Ruth's always knitting with on the show.
"Lila was the most active person I ever met in my life," says an old lady in an old-lady suit and an Anaheim Angels ball cap. The combination makes her look like a nursing-home resident on a field trip. She's explaining to Rico and Nate about how her friend, the Corpse of the Week, ran a resort in Ojai where families came year after year, and then their kids, and then their kids. "No one in the neighborhood got more Christmas cards or visits than Lila," she says. Nate says it sounds like a good life. The old lady says this would have been Lila's 95th birthday, and Rico smiles and mentions that it's Nate's birthday as well. Nate says that he's forty. The old lady says that Nate doesn't look that old. Yeah, it's thanks to clean living. She asks if he's doing anything special, and he says that his wife and daughter are taking him to Big Sur the following weekend. The old lady emotionally says that it's beautiful up there. "I suppose I'll be gone soon, too," she adds quietly. "Aww," Rico begins, but she says, "That's okay. It happens." Nate doesn't disagree. I think he's pretty clear on the concept by now.
David and Keith approach the Pasqueasel's front door, David complaining to Keith about his agreeing to pick up the boss's stinky cat at the vet instead of spending the morning with his partner. "Let it go," Keith reiterates, and rings the doorbell. The door is answered by, of all people, Julie Brown. Not the '80s MTV VJ, but the other one. She introduces herself as Sissy Pasquese and invites the boys in. She heads inside while David hangs back so that he can rudely, loudly whisper questions at Keith about who she is and who the kids are that she's talking about. Hearing this, she turns around and says, "David? We're married, Roger's gay, and I'm fine with it. But we keep it quiet because we're very private people." "Thank you," says David, refreshed by her straightforwardness. "That's all I needed." I don't know, I think you need better manners, you nosy bastard.
Rico's putting makeup on the Corpse of the Week when his cell phone rings. It's someone else's nanny, who by some miscommunication is currently stuck babysitting Rico's kid. Rico says that Vanessa should be there soon to pick the kid up, but the nanny says that Vanessa's unreachable and that her employers left an hour ago. So it's just Rico's bored kid and his friend's nanny there now. Rico apologizes and says that he'll be right there. He can just leave? I guess it's not like the Corpse of the Week is going anywhere.
The Pasqueasel's cat, despite being stinky, is one of those cats that's allowed on the kitchen table. I love my cats, but they're not allowed on the table. At least not when I'm in the room. Mrs. Pasqueasel is giving us all some more of her backstory over Kir Royales, talking about how she had to get out of L.A. and hasn't been back since for more than a few days at a time. "I miss her when she's gone," purrs the Pasqueasel, putting an arm around his wife. David asks what brings her to town today. "Pedunculated fibroid," she says. "Shit for me." I don't know what that is, but I'm pretty sure I don't want one. Also, as she explains, the kids need haircuts, and she gestures to the other room where a shaggy pair of his 'n' hers tween moppets are quietly playing chess. She asks how Keith and David's adoption is going, and Keith says that's not happening. "Because you bit Roger?" Mrs. Pasqueasel asks David. Keith says that it got complicated. "Shit for you guys, huh?" she says. The Pasqueasel asks Keith to take the kids to the hair salon while he takes the missus to the doctor. David jumps in to answer that they have an errand of their own. But Keith quickly wilts under the Pasqueasel's stony stare and agrees. "The cat still reeks," Mrs. Pasqueasel complains as David glares at Keith.
Brenda and her boss Jackie are hard at work at the office. Doing what? Making origami cranes. I have no idea how that relates to eating disorders. Jackie's trying to talk Brenda down out of her tree about Nate, with a predictable degree of success. She's saying that it's okay for people to do things for other people, but Brenda says that's not good enough; she wants Nate to "want to have [their] baby, not to do [her] the favor of letting [her] have [hers]." Jackie points out that Nate has Maya already, and Brenda says that it's not the same. "Maybe he's afraid of losing another one," Jackie says, and asks if it's so terrible if Nate is doing it just for Brenda. Jackie uses herself as an example, saying that she was fine stopping after one kid, but that she had another one because her husband wanted a boy. Brenda doesn't have a response, except to ask Jackie not to tell anyone until Brenda's sure everything's going to be all right. "I swear, sometimes you're like Eeyore," Jackie understates, and proudly holds up a little paper crane. "Ten thousand to go," she says, putting it aside. You know, all this talk about how Nate reacted to the news of the pregnancy this time makes me wonder how he reacted last time. But since nobody ever mentions that throughout the entire episode, it must not have happened. I guess we just have to assume that he knew about Brenda's first pregnancy without having to be told, or something. Or maybe she was just smarter about it last time, and told him by email.
Little Julio is busy copying a picture of Bush's second inauguration out of the newspaper while the nanny argues over the phone with somebody irrelevant. Rico comes in and picks up his kid, while the nanny barely takes a breath to acknowledge his arrival and departure. Good nanny.
Where was Claire off to earlier? Well, right now she's sitting in her car in a park somewhere, picking up her voicemail messages on her cell phone. We only hear two, but they're from Billy and they're only minutes apart. And also desperately needy. Except that he's not asking for any meds because, as you and I know, but Claire doesn't, Billy's off his meds now. "Please get a life for one minute, please," Claire begs her phone, and leans back in the driver's seat. Yeah, Billy. Be like a normal person and go sit in your car in a park.
Keith and David are driving along with the creepy-ass Pasqueaslets in the back seat. The boy asks if they have wives besides being gay. "We're a married couple, essentially," David says. The girl explains that when the Pasqueasel got married, "he was completely homosexual in his orientation. Only he was in such denial about it because of the social pressure, he didn't even know he was gay." "That happens," Keith says, because David's too flummoxed to speak. "Do you ever have sex with chicks?" the boy asks, and I have to give the casting department props on finding two kids who look like they could have been Pasqueezed out of the Pasqueasel and Julie Brown. It's eerie. "I don't," David says with a significant look at Keith. Busted, Keith admits that he's had sex with "a few" women. Boy: "Have you had sex with my dad?" Girl: "You are kind of his type." Boy: "Do you guys have orgies?" David cuts off the discussion and orders no more talking until they get to the hair salon. "They have orgies," the boy says as his sister nods knowingly. This is why I'm only having one kid.
Rico and Vanessa argue about whose fault the day's Federiquito debacle is, and they're just talking over each other until Rico says that this would happen less if they were still together. "Really? What a good point," Vanessa says angrily. Rico sarcastically yells that it's all his fault: "Whenever anything goes wrong with the boys from now until the end of time, it'll be because I went out and fucked some whore, okay? I know, I know, I know." Vanessa's actually taken aback by this tirade, but the shutting up roles haven't been entirely reversed, because she manages to recover enough to invite Rico to stay for dinner. Angrily, of course. But from Rico's point of view, that's probably even better than getting her to shut up.
I hope that the male Pasqueaslet hasn't already had his hair cut, because he still looks like Wednesday Addams in a Dudley Moore wig. Even so, he needs a haircut a lot less than he needs throat surgery or maybe tetanus, because he won't shut up talking to Keith about his own now-concluded sexual identity crisis, and his girlfriend in Aspen, who's bi. David just sits and pouts into a magazine. "We're almost done," the hot, blond hairdresser tells David. David thanks him, but it's more than a polite little pleasantry somehow. After the male Pasqueaslet yammers about his mom's male friend and his unsuitability as a sexual partner, David announces that he's going to stick around for a haircut while Keith takes the kids home. The hairdresser says that's fine.
Ruth's back in her kitchen with Maggie, who says of George, "He's been asking to go down to the bomb shelter again." Ruth refuses. "We should board that place up and forget it's there," she grumbles. Maggie starts to say that it might be good for George to have a safe retreat, but Ruth slaps her down with a firm "No." I'm surprised she doesn't offer a compromise: let George go down to the bomb shelter and then board it up. Maggie picks up the lunch tray she's been preparing, and she and Ruth leave the kitchen together, presumably to deliver food to George, who's too crazy to fix his own damn sandwich.
Ruth and Maggie pass Nate, who happens to be sitting on the living-room sofa, and they both wish him a happy birthday. He thanks them and goes back to flipping through an old family photo album. And damn, Lauren Ambrose was a homely child. No wonder Claire felt unloved growing up. Suddenly the Late Nate is standing over Nate, remarking, "The day I turned forty, you were in Europe." And Nate was eighteen, if my research is correct. Late Nate: "I spent the whole day wondering if you'd call." Live Nate apologizes with the insincerity of a man who knows the person he's apologizing to can't do anything to him, and his dad says that Live Nate did what he had to do, adding, "...you little fucker." Live Nate talks about everything that's happened since the pictures were taken, and he's overwhelmed by the thought of another forty years. "The forty fly by much faster," Late Nate assures him. "They'll be over before you know it." "Time flies when you're having fun, huh?" says Live Nate, and Late Nate corrects him: "No, time flies when you're pretending to have fun. Time flies when you're pretending to love Brenda and that baby she wants so much. Time flies when you're pretending to know what people mean when they say 'love.' Let's face it, buddy boy: there's two kinds of people in the world. There's you and there's everybody else. And never the twain shall meet." Nate just sits there and takes it. I know the Late Nate is basically a manifestation of what's going on in Nate's psyche, but where does he get off being so narcissistic and nihilistic at the same time? What the hell happened to that guy who was telling Tom how grateful he is for everything?
Fortunately for all of us, Nate's cell phone rings. Late Nate tells him to take it: "I've got time." Nate answers his phone to find his wife at the other end. "What are you doing?" Brenda asks. Nate says that he's still at work, and asks if everything's okay. "How's the baby?" he asks. Opening a bottle of wine, for some reason, Brenda snarks, "I haven't lost it since this morning, if that's what you're asking." Even Late Nate makes a pained/amused face at that as Live Nate backpedals. Brenda asks Live Nate to stop at Whole Foods (or, as I like to call it, Whole Paycheck, because have you seen the prices at that place? It's cheaper to eat out. In Paris) and pick up something for Maya, and also to make sure that he calls her from there in case she's forgotten anything. Nate agrees, and then asks if he's going to come home to a big fight. Brenda lightly says no, and they say goodbye. You'd think that little reminder of what it used to be like to be married to Lisa would cheer Nate up a little, but he's pretty uncheerable. When he hangs up, Late Nate's gone. Guess he didn't have much time after all. I like it when Late Nate shows up; I just wish that Nate's version of him wasn't such a nasty old prick.
David is indeed getting his hair cut. Well, he's not, really; he's just sitting in the chair with paper over his upper body and water in his hair while the actor behind him fiddles with a comb. But he is taking advantage of the opportunity to bitch to the hairdresser about his and Keith's itinerary for the day thus far: "It's like his job came and found my day and ate it." The hairdresser says he learned when he was a kid that it's never fun to go to work with Dad: "But saying no is the hardest thing in the world. At least for me." "Me too," says David. They look at each other in the mirror.
Cut to the bathroom, where David and the hairdresser are furiously making out and groping each other. I think maybe they both just found something harder than saying no. The hairdresser starts undoing David's pants. It takes him forever, though. I'm thinking this actor isn't any more gay than he is qualified to weild a pair of shears. He can't dress hair; he can't undress men; what can he do? The delay gives David time to call a halt. The hairdresser looks annoyed and disappointed, but he says it's okay. David starts blathering excuses and blah blah blah damagedcakes, and the hairdresser just nicely tells David to hang out in the bathroom by himself for a second and get his shit together. Once the hairdresser's gone, David locks the door and regards himself in the mirror. He's got an expression on his face like he's wondering who the hell he's looking at. But did you see that? He said no!
In the dark of the evening, Nate trudges up to the front door of his house with his plastic Whole Paycheck grocery bag ["Oh, NATE. You always get paper -- it's recyclable! And then you can feel doubly smug for shopping at Whole Foods!" -- Wing Chun] and lets himself into the front door. As soon as he closes it behind him, a bunch of people in his living room holler, "Surprise!" There's Claire, Billy, George, Ruth, Brenda, Maya, Maggie, Jackie (?), Nate's idiot high-school buddy Tom , and Nate and Lisa's Season 3 camping buddy Todd (??!?!).They're even standing under a banner that reads "Oh LORDY, Nate's 40!" Nate regards the scene with naked horror, while everyone laughs and claps and points at him in that way that people always do when they're having more fun at a surprise party than the guest of honor is, which in my experience is almost always. Nate finally manages to crack a smile as Brenda carries Maya over for a kiss. Nate takes his daughter as he reads the banner aloud. "Is that your idea?" he asks Maya. Heh. I think even she's more mature than that. Brenda introduces Jackie, who I guess she invited in return for all the help making the thousand and one origami cranes, which are hanging in strings all over the house). Nate switches Maya to his other arm so that he can shake his boss-in-law's hand. "So the whole Big Sur thing is just a ruse, huh?" he asks. Brenda asks if Nate's disappointed. Nate lies that he isn't. Everyone else -- Claire, George, Billy, Ruth, and Maggie, among others -- is still just standing there watching the whole scene instead of getting on with their lives. But I guess they can't hear when Brenda goes off to get a beer and Jackie congratulates Nate on the baby. Nate recovers rather quickly from his surprise that Jackie knows, and he thanks her with as much sincerity as he can muster. Dude, save some for later; you're going to need it.
Looks like Rico and Vanessa managed to defuse their little conflict, because Rico's sitting at the dinner table with her and the Fedriquitos. Vanessa says grace, which, to Rico's disappointment, consists entirely of "Thank you, God, for this food. Amen." Rico complains about the abbreviated grace -- "gra," if you will -- but Vanessa blows it off and the meal begins. One of the kids offers Rico some Fritos, which triggers a flashback to Illeana waking him up in the last episode by pelting him with them. Rico smiles at his son and politely declines: "I'm good." See, he's getting what he needs in places other than home, which of course makes him less desperate and more attractive. Or maybe that scene was just filler.
Back at Nate's birthday party, Brenda delivers a beer to Tom. She still apparently hasn't got one for Nate, and he flashes a look of annoyance at her. Get your own beer, birthday boy. You're forty, not paraplegic. Anyway, Nate's in this conversational grouping with Tom and Billy and Todd, the last of whom is explaining how his wife Dana got more and more distant until he found out she was having sex with some guy with testicular cancer. "She's fucking Lance Armstrong," Todd complains. Tom naturally takes him literally and gets all excited. Todd clichés that, now that he's divorced, he's getting mad tail. "Forty is just the beginning," he concludes, as Brenda arrives with Nate's beer. Billy -- standing there all twitchy in his "Ski Iraq" shirt (which is a loose, ratty, sleeveless rag) -- tells a story about a guy he'd seen in Griffith Park who'd fallen off his bike and ripped open his scrotum: "It was like two pink eggs kind of vibrating in this totally shredded mess." I'm never going to Griffith Park as long as I live. "Jesus, Billy, what the fuck?" Nate complains as he goes to answer the door. It's David and Keith, the latter of whom blames his partner for making them late by needing a haircut. "Well, it looks good, I guess," Nate says, even though David's hair looks exactly the same as always. "So how long have you two fuckers known about this?" Nate says, faux-angry without much faux. "What else aren't you telling me?" "Nothing," David answers nervously. The other guys move off to get cake, Tom still excited about Lance Armstrong. "Dude, I was speaking metaphorically," Todd says.
Brenda and Jackie are lighting all forty candles on Nate's cake while Claire rhapsodizes stonedly about cake-light. Brenda carries the roaring inferno out to the dining room as everyone sings "Happy Birthday," with harmonies and everything. Maggie, holding Maya, tells Nate to make a wish. After a long moment of silence, he takes a deep breath and blows out all the candles like they were on a switch, to much applause. Now everyone can enjoy raspberry cake with vanilla and Nate-spit frosting. Someone turns the lights back on, and Billy hollers for a speech. "No," Nate says simply and, frankly, kind of rudely. He says he doesn't know what to say that won't sound lame. Ruth says she'd like to say something, and Nate eagerly gives her the floor. Ruth begins a very sweet speech about how she was sad when Nate left home. "Here we go," whispers Claire under her breath, and Ruth yells, "This is not about you!" Everyone but Claire looks uncomfortable for a second while Ruth recovers: "These last five years with you have been a gift, Nate. That's all I wanted to say. Happy birthday." Nate thanks her with a kiss and a hug. And then he turns to a smiling Brenda and asks, "Can I tell 'em?" Dude, I think you just did. Brenda's smile freezes on her face. "You're pregnant?" Keith says, and Brenda reluctantly says she is. Maybe that empire-waisted top you're wearing wasn't the best sartorial option if you really wanted to keep this quiet, Bren. Congratulations all around, which are rudely interrupted by a crash from the kitchen.
Nate goes into the other room to investigate, with everyone else crowded in the doorway behind him. And here we discover that there's a bird in the kitchen. I'm no ornithologist, but it's a blue bird of some sort with a weird plume on the top of its head, and it's sitting calmly on the center island looking at everyone. Maybe it was attracted by all the origami cranes. Nate figures it flew in the window. "It's a good omen," says Jackie, but Tom says it's a bad omen according to the Sci-Fi Channel. I think if this were the Sci-Fi channel, the bird would be a genetically modified pterodactyl with a 120-foot wingspan and the ability to breathe fire. Which is really what this show needs, sometimes. ["In Tom's defense, I believe he's correct; a bird in the house means someone's going to die, I've always heard, so what a shock that it should occur on this show, not." -- Wing Chun] George says that the bird is probably sick, since they don't usually fly at night. He suggests opening the windows and letting the bird find its own way out. "But it'll poop all over everything in the meantime," Ruth says. "What kind of plan is that, to let a sick bird run wild in the house pooping?" Nate says that George is right, and he opens the other window and the back door, instructing everyone else to close the interior doors. Tom reminds Nate to grab the beer on the way out, and Nate agrees. Now everyone's out of the kitchen but the bird. And the beer is safe, of course.
Rico throws on his suit jacket on the way to Vanessa's front door, thanking her for letting him stay. They stand on the threshold smiling at each other, and then Vanessa starts kissing Rico. He doesn't exactly resist. He doesn't have to worry about having Frito-breath, you see.
Billy's in Nate and Brenda's bedroom digging around through all the coats until he finds his own and starts putting it on. Claire comes in and asks what he's doing, and he says he has to get out of there. Claire doesn't want to leave: "It's my brother's birthday. There's a bird in the kitchen." Billy angrily asks her if being with other people is ever too much for her to deal with. "Yeah, like right now," she says meanly. Especially people who are off their meds, eh, Claire?
Keith and David sneak into the kitchen, where the bird is perched on the counter near the open window. As Keith approaches, it flies out. Relieved, Keith shuts the window while David grabs the wine bottle off the counter and fills the empty glass he's carrying. "Good job," he says, savoring a little mouthfeel.
Billy, realizing that Claire has no intention of leaving the party with him, takes the car keys out of his pocket and tries to hand them over so that he can walk or take a cab home by himself. Realizing that he's serious, Claire prevails upon him to chill out and stick around. Which is exactly the moment when the bird flies into the bedroom and buzzes Billy's face. He dodges and rolls onto the bed, screaming, "Fucking fuck! Shit! God! Fuck! Shit!" By the time he's finished, Claire's herded him out into the hallway and shut the door behind them, trapping the bird again. "What is your problem?" Claire demands again. Claire! He is OFF HIS MEDS! Billy says something about things moving around that he can't control, and then corrects himself to say that it's not a problem. "Did you stop taking your medication?" Claire finally clues in. God, Claire, what took so long? Did you stop taking yours? Billy says he did, and that it's a good thing. Todd steps into the hallway as Billy's getting all Creepy Jesus on Claire, and quickly beats a retreat. Billy says he's "sick of feeling like I'm living every moment inside a giant, Xeroxed, fucking cotton ball." He says he's going outside, and Claire tries to stop him. He yells at her and leaves anyway, just as Nate appears to ask what's going on. But Billy's already out the door and Claire's not talking. "He didn't just hit you, did he?" Nate demands, and Claire yells at him to stop being such a freak, and also that the bird is in the bedroom now. Nate wants to know how that happened, and Claire snaps, "It flew in the door! Stop fucking up!" as she storms through the living room into the kitchen. "Stop fucking up"? ["Stoned malapropism?" -- Wing Chun]
Jackie is sitting with Ruth, telling her that Ruth's knitting circle leader used to be on some sitcom. Nobody cares. Keith walks by, carrying the scene over to where David's reading a book to Maya. David complains about the worldly little Pasqueaslets, and says that he and Keith are not raising their kids that way. He leans on Keith about it until Keith agrees. He sure is being agreeable now that he's gotten his way.
Rico's getting some for the second time in as many weeks. Underneath him, Vanessa starts moaning loudly, and he warns her not to wake the kids. "They sleep through it now," she pants. Rico stops for a second, not that Vanessa notices. He seems to consider the levels on which this information is significant. And then he says, "Oh, okay," and heads into the home stretch.
Nate comes out of the bedroom to find Brenda in the hallway, waiting for her turn in the bathroom. Things are already tense between them, and it escalates quickly when Brenda asks what happened with Claire and Billy. Nate pleads ignorance of the whole affair, and Brenda keeps pushing, asking what happened. Nate rolls his eyes and says, "I don't know what happened, Brenda. I guess what usually happens: your brother went fucking mental." Point to Nate. Tom comes out of the biffy and warns them not to go in for a second, before walking off, cackling. "Why'd you fucking invite that guy?" Nate asks. Then George comes ambling up the hall and disappears into the john. Way to cut in front of the pregnant lady for the bathroom, there, Sir Galahad. Brenda complains about Nate's attitude toward Billy, and Nate cops to it: "I hate that he's with Claire and I hate that he's in our fucking house." Brenda says that at least Billy knows how to keep a secret, which is an odd thing to say of a man who once took a picture of Nate peeing on a wall and then hung it in a gallery. Nate wants to know what the big deal is, since Brenda told Jackie. She says there's a difference between Brenda's telling her supervisor and Nate's telling his family: "Who are now looking at me wondering when I'm going to lose this baby." Shut up, Brenda. Nate says he's just excited, which Brenda discounts as "macho, aggressive, male bullshit." "What the fuck is this?" Nate yells. Brenda says, "When you do stuff like that, it makes me wonder if we should be together." Nate says they just got married, and Brenda says, "Well, if it's not right, it's not right." George comes out of the bathroom right behind Brenda, showing no sign of having heard a word in there. He advises that they light a match in the head. "It wasn't me," he chortles, heading off down the hall. Nate says that Brenda's just freaked out because she's pregnant. "Yeah, with a baby that you don't even want," Brenda spits. "Bullshit!" screams Nate, and Brenda says that Nate lacks the respect to wait until everything's okay before he tells the whole world. "Shut the fuck up!" Nate screams into her face. "I need to pee," she says, and disappears into the bathroom having gotten the last word, sort of. Nate starts heading miserably down the hall, but he's stopped when the kitchen door slides open behind him and Jackie sticks her head out. "Tequila shots in the kitchen," she announces drunkenly. Again, there's no sign that anybody heard a word of the argument. ["Sound really does have magical physical properties on TV." -- Wing Chun] Nate doesn't have to be told twice. He heads back towards the kitchen, because what he needs to be right now is drunker.
George and Billy are out on the front steps, sneaking a beer together and discussing whether it's their respective mental illnesses or their respective Fisher women that make them crazier. No, actually, Billy just told George he quit taking his pills. George asks how Billy feels. Billy: "A little tingly. That's about it." Billy asks what George's shock treatments are like. George says he honestly doesn't know: "I go in, they put me on a bed, they give me some oxygen. They say, 'You're going to feel a little prick in your hand.' That always makes me laugh." Billy's just scowling. George concludes, "And the thing I know, I wake up with the worst headache I've ever had in my life." Billy asks if it's helping. George quotes Emile Coue: "'Every day in every way, I am getting better and better.' But not everyone agrees." Huh, I wonder who he means? They agree that it's hard to get your shit together when someone's watching all the time. "But when no one's watching," says George, "then where are you?" And then they warble a few lines of "Daddy Sang Bass," because, as the song says, singin' seems to help a troubled soul. Bill gets up and says he's taking off, and hands the car keys to George to give to Claire. "Happy birthday," says George. "I mean, it's nice to see you," he corrects himself. Billy pats George on the arm, and he's off. George slips the empty beer bottle into his jacket and heads back inside. Sweet scene, but I think I'd like it better if we had any indication that George cares that his stepdaughter is living with an unmedicated loon.
Brenda's sitting in Maya's bedroom, reading a bedtime story. The door's open, so Keith just wanders right in. He tells Brenda that David was the one pushing for kids all this time, but now he's realized that he'll be disappointed if it doesn't work out. Brenda makes reassuring noises, and they both claim that their respective partners are excited as well. And then Keith excuses himself. "G'night, Unc' Keith," says Maya. "I think that's enough for tonight," Brenda says. Recap over?
No. Jackie, Tom, and Todd are sitting around the dining room table oohing over the birthday cake they're eating. Except Tom, who notes that "everything tastes like beer right now." Claire comes in from the kitchen, and Tom hands Claire the keys, which he apparently got from George. Claire is unhappy to hear that Billy left. Tom offers her some cake, and she declines. Tom presses. "Dude, leave her alone," says Todd. "I can take care of myself," says Claire. David and Keith join the little group, and Claire stands there listening to everyone make yummy noises. Claire: "Fuck, all right, fine. I'll have a piece." And she jams a bite the size of her fist into her mouth and ruminates on her situation: her crazy boyfriend's alone out in the night, her mom hates her, and she's got a mouthful of her brother's spit.
Nate comes into his bedroom holding the bottle of tequila, expecting to be dive-bombed at any moment. But the bird is gone and Maggie's there instead. They say they both needed a moment. Nate tells her that Ruth and George left, but Maggie says she'll get a ride with David and Keith. With that out of the way, Nate tries a new conversational direction: "Tequila?" Maggie says sure, and they sit to each other on the end of the bed. Ever the consummate host, Nate fills the shot glass and hands it to Maggie. She says something in Spanish, then downs the shot. "Many years in Arizona, much tequila," she explains. She asks if Nate's having a good birthday. He downs his own shot and says, "I feel like all I can get out of this birthday is that life is really fucking lonely." Maggie's expression was catchier. She reminds him that he has a family and a baby on the way. "Yeah," he says, "and it's really fucking lonely." Yeah, tell it to the divorced lady with the dead kid. He whines about how he manages himself and tries to connect with people, and spews some crap about getting to the station on time and not having a guarantee that anyone's going to pick you up when you get there. Maggie says, "I know that if you think life's a vending machine where you put in virtue and you get back happiness, you're probably going to be disappointed." Nate looks at her like she just said something incredibly profound as she takes another shot. "Is that how I sound?" he asks. "A little," says Maggie, and they smile at each other. Why she finds this kind of talk even remotely attractive is beyond me. Nate looks like he's about to lean over for a kiss (FROM HIS STEPSISTER) when they hear Brenda calling Nate's name from the kitchen.
Nate and Maggie arrive to see everyone who's still there gathered and looking at the bird sitting on the kitchen table. "Why was the window open?" Nate demands. "Because you said it was in the bedroom," Brenda says. "Don't be such a jerk." "Fuck off," Nate says contemptuously, grabbing a broom. David and Keith share a shocked glance. "I gotta do every little fucking thing myself," Nate says, opening the back door. And he squares off against the bird with the broom. "I have tried all night to do the right thing by this bird but it just keeps fucking with me," he complains. David says not to take it personally. "Shut up, David," Nate snaps, flushing the bird off the table and into the air. He starts swinging angrily at the airborne, squawking bird while everyone watches in horror. He starts breaking things. "Get the motherfuck out!" he screams.
George and Ruth are home and just about ready for bed, but George has a question first: "How many times do I have to FUCKING APOLOGIZE?" He apologizes for his tone, and says he's sorry for what he's putting Ruth through. She says it's not his fault, but she's obviously lying. George paces, saying emotionally, "You don't want to make love to me, you don't want to kiss me, you don't even like being in the same room with me." He says that nobody grows up thinking they're going to be this way, and that if he could change by snapping his fingers, he would. Bold statement there. Ruth actually seems to be affected by this as he says he's trying to get better, and she says she knows. "I am so lucky," he says. "I hate that I'm the lucky one. Nobody's ever been lucky to have me." Ruth doesn't know what to say. We're supposed to feel sorry for him here, but I'd be more on his side if not for that whole "non-disclosure of mental illness" thing.
In her slip, Claire reaches for a bong on a bedside table and takes a long hit. And then she hands it over to Todd, who's lying in bed to her, naked. Ew. Well, naked except for his Livestrong bracelet. Heh. Nice touch, that. Fade to white, so that we can finally get into the following morning's fallout.
The morning, Rico's lying in bed. Vanessa, already dressed in her work scrubs, wakes him with a peck on the cheek instead of a hail of Fritos. She says he has to go: "I don't want the boys to see you. It'll confuse them." Rico sits up, groggy, and says, "All right." Vanessa looks at him sadly, or sympathetically, or wondering what's up with his hair when he wakes up.
David giddily thanks whomever he's just getting off the phone with. Keith asks who it was as he comes into the room. "Roger," David says in amazement. As it happens, Mrs. Pasqueasel used to be a board chairman at an adoption agency, and she called in a favor so now Keith and David can adopt through them if they want to. She can do that? Without even knowing why the other adoption got scuttled in the first place? Keith is uncertain, since they made a commitment to Mary. David knows, but reminds us that they did say they'd pursue both. Keith agrees. Good thing the Pasqueasel's paying Keith a shitload of money, because this daddy thing is going to get expensive. Keith: "So now Roger's your hero, huh?" David is as surprised as anyone. Keith sits back with his paper. "So you got, like, almost no hair cut yesterday, right?" "He just took a little off the top," David says innocently. But the back is really thoroughly combed.
Claire comes home, wearing entirely different clothes than she was in the night. Billy's sitting in a chair, wide awake, his arms folded inside his "Ski Iraq" shirt. "Where have you been?" he asks, unfolding himself like an awakening spider. Claire says that she spent the night at her house. "You fucked somebody," Billy says. He gets up and walks casually towards her. "I'm not mad," he adds. Claire scoffs elaborately at him. Billy asks if it was Todd, and gets all intense Creepy Jesus on her. "I forgive you, Claire, if you just admit it. Just be honest with me." Claire, on the verge of tears, confesses, "Yeah, it was him." Billy nods and steps toward her, asking, "Will you fuck me now?" Claire says no, probably because he's been wearing the same shirt for three days now. She pushes Billy away. "But I forgive you!" he whines. "Come on, I need to be inside of you." Claire yells no again, grabs her bag, and runs out. Billy's too busy crying and freaking out to follow. Yikes.
Nate carries a black garbage back out to the trash bin, and looks sad when he lifts the lid. Because there, of course, on top of all the rest of the week's refuse, is the body of the dead bird .The perspective shifts to a shot up at Nate from inside the bin. I don't think this is normally what's meant by the phrase "bird's-eye view." "Sorry," says Nate, and sets the Hefty bag on top of the bird. I can't believe he would just throw away a perfectly good camera like that.