Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Oh Me, Oh Maya
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 11 | Aired on 08.28.2004
George answers the front door to find a fresh-faced young door-to-door evangelist named Albert asking "if you might have a moment to discuss your eternal happiness." Because I'm sure that never comes up inside a funeral home. George just says, "Yeah, sure. Come on in," breaking the first rule of dealing with door-to-door evangelists. And every subsequent rule. The young man's spiel about King Jesus Christ rattles on effortlessly until George wants to know what King Jesus plans to do about holes in the ozone and missing plutonium. Albert rallies with an uninspired answer about God solving problems in his own way. George isn't buying it. He doesn't think any problems will be solved by people "going door-to-door and asking people to get down on their knees and pray to the SKY!" Fortunately, he's got a few websites that he hopes will enlighten Albert a little. He turns Albert around and starts writing URLs on his tracts, using the young man's back as a desk. Albert looks pretty thrown. I just hope he can recover from this minor setback, and make it a learning experience as he continues on what I'm sure will be a long, fruitful career of annoying people.
Brenda's picking at her salad and waiting for her mom to get back from the bathroom. But Ma, instead of returning, has sent an emissary to summon Brenda to the biffy. Once Brenda gets there, Ma calls through the door of her stall and asks her for a pad. "Did you have that vagina surgery?" Brenda demands, but Ma hasn't (although she did have a consultation, of course). She's just been bleeding a lot lately. Brenda opens the door to find Ma huddled on the floor, clinging to the handicap bar. "It won't stop," she moans. Yeah, a pad's not going to cover that. If there's a puddle underneath her, I'm glad I can't see it. Brenda whips out her cell phone to call 911.
Claire tokes up in her studio. She's also sitting at her table and using a wigstand as a form to assemble a new mosaic mask, presumably for another photograph for which Russell will claim credit. She quickly puts out the blunt and hides the ashtray under the table as Ruth arrives with a load of laundry. Ruth says it's an excuse to come up and visit. Claire says her mom is welcome any time. As long as Claire's not sparking up. Which I guess would translate to Ruth being welcome never. As Ruth puts away Claire's clothes, she comments on how quiet it is in the house now that nobody's there anymore. Too bad Ruth missed meeting Albert. Claire's distracted by what she's certain is Ruth's impending discovery of her fragrant new hobby, and sure enough, Ruth says, "I know that smell." She follows her nose to the hastily hidden ashtray and quietly asks, "Is this marijuana?" Claire braces herself and says, "Uh, yeah," and waits for Ruth to go ballistic. But Ruth's more in the mood for a slow, horizontal trajectory along Memory Lane as she recalls that she used to smell it on Late Nate sometimes. She assumed it was some kind of embalming chemical. Claire's not too panicked to roll her eyes at that. You know, I wonder sometimes how Nate, who's almost exactly my age, ended up with a mother who's more like my grandma than my mom. Ruth asks if Late Nate ever shared his stash with Claire, who assures Ruth that she discovered it on her own. Fortunately, Russell isn't here to disagree with her. Ruth expresses surprise that Late Nate would have kept such a secret from her and now I need to apologize to my grandmother. I must say, Ruth is reacting pretty calmly to the news that her youngest child is a pothead. She asks if Claire smokes a lot, and Claire lies unconvincingly. But not so unconvincingly that Ruth doesn't believe her. Maybe if you take the amount of weed Claire has smoked this season and average it out over her lifetime...well, you'd probably still get a lot. Ruth remembers reading somewhere that ganja is best used "as a spice...just a little pinch here and there." Claire acts receptive to that, but she's thinking, okay, if water is a spice. The public service announcement behind us, Ruth notices the mask Claire's constructing. She points out that Claire used to make collages when she was little. Claire doesn't remember that, but she's pleased to hear it. Ruth heads back to her quiet house as Claire points out, "You've got George in there." As if that's an improvement over silence. Claire asks if things are okay between the two of them. Ruth assures her that things are improving, supporting her assertion with a mention of their plan to attend the Tantric Love workshop. Please stop talking about that. Claire is at once scandalized and approving. Ruth takes off, laughing in embarrassment.
Rico drops his kids off at home with Vanessa. She starts to shut the door in his face, but he wants to talk to her about something. Julio told him that Kenny Sims's sister Julie has been babysitting. "Isn't she some kind of druggie?" Vanessa blows it off, so to speak: "She smoked a little pot in high school. We all did." "I didn't," Rico objects. Vanessa: "I know, Rico, 'cause you were boring." "Were"? Rico says that his real objection is with "Kenny's whole family" moving into the house. Vanessa's position is that she's a single parent and Julie's a good babysitter. She also mentions that Julie is coming over the next day, so that Rico can do something stupid then. Rico disagrees with the "single parent" thing and says he can watch the kids, but Vanessa doesn't want him in the house. "So I have to keep paying for a babysitter?" Rico whines. Vanessa, pissed now, says, "I work as much as you do. You're not paying for anything." It's a bitch when outmoded gender norms are so...outmoded, isn't it, Rico?