Episode Report Card Djb: C | 3 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Sixty-Seven Weddings And Nine Funerals
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 10 | Aired on 08.21.2004
I'm tired of knowing what cool bands these are. Russell and Claire sit on the floor of the coach house, Claire bogarting the final few puffs of a joint. They look at photographs of her because life on Planet Narcissist is sustained by inhabitants breathing the air of self. Russell suggests that he likes one picture, but Claire points out how much she hates her nostrils, so she rips her nose right out of the photo and hands it back to him. Russell all grossly starts making out with the nose, which Claire thinks is gross because it is. They start smacking at each other like seven-year-olds, and so help me god if this ends in sex or tickle-fighting, I'm taking next week off. But instead it ends with Claire falling back onto the floor and announcing, "I'm so much happier when I'm high." Meh. I'm taking next week off anyway. Claire lies in a coma as Russell further defaces her photography, ripping out her eyes and her mouth and placing them over her actual eyes. He becomes captivated by it because HE'S HIGH, telling her, "I wish you could see this." She tells him to grab the camera, and he goes to town photographing her because drugs.
Now, let's just say you had a son. And let's just say you had a son who sent you poo in the mail. Now let's say you had a wife who invited over the poo-sending son TO YOUR HOUSE and arranged for him to go on a date at said house with a woman you've never met before and whom your wife barely knows. With you in attendance. And your wife. On a double date. At your house. Do y'all see why I can't totally tie the hate on for George? Anyone? Help me out, here. "The problem is not nucular war," George instructs the group. Hey, George? If you hate the President, don't go pronouncing "nucular" like the President. It sounds ignorant and low-class, and you can argue with me from here to the usage note, but it's incorrect. It is. IT IS. Anyway, George, if the problem isn't nucular war, what is it? "The problem is what's gonna cause nucular war." Will it be me getting my hands on a dirty bomb and promising to unleash it on the first person who fails to pronounce it "NOO-CLEE-ER"? No, no, it won't be me. I was just kidding. Take me off your watch list. Prank call. Prank call!
Ruth rebuts that she doesn't see them living through a nuclear war, and not only does she go with the obvious observation, she also goes with the obvious pronunciation. That being, "the correct one." She goes on to say she doesn't see nuclear war happening in their lifetime, and Kyle (who I'm sure has requested the poo poo platter har har har wakka wakka) scoffs unsocially and leaves George to observe, "I married The Glass Is Half-Full Girl," to which Kyle snarks loudly, "Which time? Oh, this time. Of course. Yes, what was I thinking?" Jeez. You nailed the joke for sentences ago. From next to Ruth, Becky makes like the girl who works at the fabric store, noting, "This decaf is so cinnamon-y!" But Kyle's not having any of it, because the human body craves some sort of winter, so depressive types in L.A. have to create a nuclear one: "I think when the next A-bomb is launched, it's going to be over god." I think it's going to be over Manhattan. Kyle continues that all of the religion will get together and conspire to end the world just like their big, fancy books in the hotel bureaus say they will. George argues that all religions also have an underlying message of hope that will stop people from blowing themselves up, "whereas corporatism..." Kyle laughs that his father thinks nuclear war will occur as a result of oil, but George holds up his glass and correct his son, who is the only one still listening, including us: "Water. The apocalypse will be over water." Ruth tries, god bless her, because she saw a preview for that Day After Tomorrow movie but it just seemed too scary for her, and she hops in all unprepared, "Global warming. I thought that was supposed to melt the glaciers or something." George tells her that's only good news for people who like their water salty, and Kyle then busts in and asks his suddenly best friend of a dad, "Have you checked out the Pentagon Report on the Guardian website?" I have. It's here and here, and it's worth canceling dinner over. George asks Ruth if they're done, and the boys leave the women at the table sipping cinnamon-y decaf while the men retire to the basement to watch the online trailer for the upcoming apocalyptic nature film, The Glass Is Half Dead!
Back from the wedding, David and Keith walk into the kitchen of their apartment, David ranting about the absurdity that there are children waiting for homes and that those people in power still make judgments based on sexuality. I can understand this sudden indignation, seeing as he just discovered this today. "People are stupid," Keith observes with a shrug. Sure are. Did you see that one guy pronounce the word "nucular" back there in the last scene? Geesh. Keith throws open the fridge and observes, "There's nothing to eat here except fuckin' eggs," and David apologizes for going shopping for eggs twice. David retreats to the pantry to see if there's anything in there, and he opens the door with a gasped "Oh, my god." Keith asks what's what, and David picks up an infant from inside the cabinet and tells Keith, "It's a Chinese baby." Keith asks who could have left it there, and David smiles big and offers, "Someone Chinese!" But it's a dream sequence, you see, and all they have is couscous and a side of umurawi.