'Til Death Do Us Part

S01E03

Fade back up on Brenda's boudoir, as the camera pans across an empty bed and the soundtrack treats us to the worst fake laughter I've heard from an actor since my appearance in the Herbert Hoover Elementary School's sixth-grade production of "A Thousand And One Arabian Nights." Incidentally, that's when I first knew that any chance I might have at a career in entertainment would be behind the camera, not in front of it. Or perhaps making fun of it, but that's a different story. Anyway, Nate and Brenda have been rolling about on the floor, arguing over which one of them makes funnier noises during sex. I'd guess Nate, what with the wind whistling through the chest hair and all. The radio, which has just informed us that we're listening to KPDX In The Morning, begins blaring an old Big Band tune, and Nate wistfully confesses that he loves this music because his dad would play all the records when he was a kid. Brenda is somewhat surprised, as she would have pegged him as more of the Sting or U2 fan. Oh, please. Don't you think Sting is a little white-bread for a guy who hasn't shaved in a month? Nate figures Brenda was into the "hardcore punk stuff as a kid," and she admits that she was, although "that may have been the heroin talking." Nate gives Brenda the same worried look I was giving the writers before Brenda admits that it was a just a joke. "I love that look," she smirks, as he finally rises from the floor. Peter Krause delights the vast legions of his fans with a flash of the old trapezoid-butt, and scampers off to put on his jeans. He then mentions that he hopes David agrees to sell the business so that he can "get the hell out of here and go back to Seattle." Realizing the relationship faux pas he's just committed, Nate quickly amends that by inviting Brenda to go with him. I invite her to go to Seattle alone, but no one ever listens to me. Anyway, they flirt a bit more (with said flirting requiring Peter Krause to perform a virtual squat-thrust), and she tells him that he's out of his mind. "Oh, yeah?" he responds. "Then how come my name is branded on your ass?" Brenda gapes in disbelief, and Nate salvages some pride by saying, "I love that look."

Much like myself, the Ironic Segue Fairy apparently never gets a week off, as we cut from Nate's "I love that look" to one of this show's signature depth-of-field shots. David is slumped at the kitchen table in the foreground, with Mom scrubbing dishes at the sink behind him. He moans about all the nasty things Kroehner is doing to put them out of business. Mom feels he's being too dramatic, and that The Late Nate never let these sorts of things bother him. Claire comes down the steps, looking radiant in her red robe, and answers her mother's inquiry as to what's going on with, yep, that's right, a musical number. The house lights dim, and Claire rips off the robe to reveal a singularly unflattering sequined gown. Mom and Michael C. Hall appear behind her as backup singers and dancers, and I'll give you one guess as to which of those two looks as if they've actually worked on Broadway before. Anyway, Claire sings, David smiles, and the director apparently forgets everything he learned in composition class at film school as he cuts off half of David's head and can't keep his characters on their light marks. I also wonder if Peter Krause will be forced to retract his well-publicized criticism of Ally McStarfucker sometime soon. Thankfully, the song ends and we cut back to Claire at the table. Then Nate arrives and, much to David's dismay, divulges that he spent the night at Brenda's. "Why do you have to tell people everything you do all day?" wonders his brother, and Nate apologizes; he forgot they were all "supposed to live under a veil of secrecy." Anyway, Nate thinks they should sell, because it's an excellent offer. David is indignant, and they rehash much of the first two episodes' plotlines before Mom chimes in that she agrees with Nate. David storms off in a huff, angrily giving them permission to sell and "invalidate [his] entire life." Which, I thought, was precisely what he wanted. Nate announces that he'll inform Gilardi tomorrow.