Good morning, everyone! Jaclyn welcomes the remaining seven would-be-geniuses to the salon and reminds them that Paulo won the last challenge and is now up on the Allure Wall of Fame. I have to add my two cents -- I finally was able to watch that episode, and he 100% deserved that win because that wig was beyond belief and his client looked amazing. (Also, thanks to Joe R for taking care of things while I was on vacation!) But back to this week. This week's shortcut challenge is for the stylists to color their client's hair with the most outlandish color they can come up with. This might actually explain Meredith's choice of hair color two episodes back -- she just did this challenge a couple of weeks early! The always delightful Kim Vo is there to judge them this week because apparently he is the God of Color (tm Daniel). He's done Fergie, Britney, and even, wait for it... Perez Hilton! Really, do we live in a world now where doing Perez's hair is considered noteworthy? Because that's a world I'm not sure I want to live in.
They each select a scissor box to find colored combs that will match them with their clients. The only thing of note about this is that the clients are all dark-haired, so this might be a little bit tougher. There's a collective orgasm as they're told they will have four hours to complete this challenge since it's about really vibrant color and they'll need time for the color to process. The winner gets immunity and will help determine the outcome of the elimination challenge. Now hang on a second -- if Paulo didn't get immunity for winning last week, why should someone doing a smaller challenge get it now? Once again, I am asking questions that I should just leave be, because we'll never know. For a split second the look on Paulo's face says he might just be wondering the same thing.
Glenn promises that she loves color but also beauty, so she's not going to go super crazy and make her client's hair green. There are a whole lot of reds and purples bandied about. Paulo tells us his plan is to focus on the haircut first, and that he's not really worried about color. Well, why would you when that's the point of the entire challenge? Painting, painting, painting. I'm distracted from whatever Nekisa is saying because all I can think is, why is she still here? I come back to hear her say she's going to create some sort of flower. Hmm, we'll see what that means. Paulo is going to do blue hair, but there's some question about how this will turn out since he has to bleach her hair first and Kim reminds him that yellow and blue make green. Paulo assures him he's a blue specialist. Kim doesn't believe him but politely leaves him be. Dee is also a specialist at this, what a coincidence! I've found that everyone likes to declare that in every challenge. She's doing some sort of Bird of Paradise 'do. There's some drama because Paulo's goal had been "Smurf blue" but he got "Smurf shit blue." That's something I officially never wanted to imagine in my entire life. The sinks also back up and there's technical hoo-ha about colors bleeding. Nekisa takes care to explain about how this made her color turn out not quite right, and Charlie delights in pointing out that she's got another excuse.
Results time. Nekisa's client has blue hair and magenta bangs, and Kim tells her it's not vibrant and she should have used some colored hair pieces at well. She just won't shut up with the excuses. Kim adores Dee's Bird of Paradise. The cut is a bob that's long in front and there are a lot of chunky reds and yellows. Nicole bleached her client's black hair and then just did it all bright red. She actually found a way to make neon-toned hair boring. Glenn did a weird layered thing and Kim accurately calls it a matchstick. Paulo's client has no color in her hair: he over-processed it so it came out black. Charlie did his client's hair in a huge updo that shows off the reds and purples nicely. Daniel admits he's out of his element with this but loves the red streaks he gave his client. The bottom two are Paulo and Nekisa, who actually has the gall to say that her hair was great and this is unfair. That's going to endear her during judging later. Paulo's the ultimate loser. Dee and Charlie are the top two, with Charlie the ultimate victor. Dee is pissed beyond belief and goes off in an interview about what bullshit it was. She fumes while Jaclyn explains that Charlie will have a special role in the elimination challenge in which he will have immunity but also won't be able to win. She then notices that Nekisa is starting to have a meltdown about how frustrated she is, and Nekisa doesn't take Jaclyn's suggestion that criticism helps someone grow very gracefully, shooting back that she's huge now. Well, her ego is, anyway.
Daniel doesn't want to go home, saying it's going to be an, "Alabama dogfight." Nekisa rants and raves about her latest loss while Charlie winds her up until she starts hurling expletives at him. Unfortunately he is unflappable and admits to the camera that when he gets bored he goes after her because she's an easy target. He's a giant douche, but weirdly I respect his honesty. He tells her that basically she's still there because she's hot and they want that on TV, and she comes back with the always effective and imaginative, "Fuck you!" Everyone else just seems amused by the goings-on.
The day they get into the salon and wonder a while about a box sitting on the table in front of them. After a moment a voice says, "Good morning, stylists!" It's Rene, and he narrates about the "seven little stylists" a la Charlie's Angels while the theme song plays in the background. He then immediately starts in to the actual Charlie's Angels narration and introduces Jaclyn. Everyone is excited beyond belief as she tells them it's time for the Charlie's Angel's Challenge, but she douses the excitement when she says they'll be in teams. Each team will have three women, representing the angels. They are to reinvent the signature hairstyles from the show. Though they're working in teams they'll be judged individually, and none other than Charlie himself gets to assign the pairs since he won the color challenge. You can imagine everyone's excitement.
Charlie won't be on a team himself, he'll be acting as a roaming stylist and can neither win nor lose the challenge. With that, it's time to put the "ass" in "assignments." Nekisa and Dee are the first team because Dee is a control freak and Nekisa hates being told what to do. Nicole and Glenn are , and then Paulo and Daniel. Dee interviews that he actually paired up people that got along, and who knew he could be nice? It will be interesting to see which way it goes. He wanted to keep supposed friends together because he thinks that underneath it all they aren't compatible and we'll have reality catfight gold. He's nothing if not uber-conscientious about making sure every reality show cliché takes place while he's on the show.
Dee and Nekisa have a few different ideas but both hope they come together. Daniel, unsurprisingly, loves big hair, which terrifies Paulo. Glenn tells Nicole what to do and Nicole seems to just take it, but she interviews that she's afraid that Glenn does "old-lady hair" and she wants to keep it modern. Whatever, they're boring. Daniel admits it was actually nice to have Charlie there as someone to bounce ideas off of, and he ends up enjoying working with Paulo. Color, color, sexy, sexy, show talk, etc. Nicole and Glenn continue to be boring. Nekisa bitches some more about Charlie winning with a crap hairdo because she has no awareness of her own mediocrity whatsoever. Dee, on the other hand, is just happy to have Charlie be her "little bitch" for the day. Nekisa loves her Farrah while Dee clearly hates it and they politely fight over everything. I hope that this is a sign this is the last week we have to hear Nekisa's whiny voice.
Jaclyn introduces judges Kim and Kelly and then Special Guest Judge Kate Jackson. Daniel, as usual, has turned bright red and looks like he might keel over from sheer excitement. Jaclyn reminds us that the idea was to give the classic Angel hairstyles a modern look, and with that it's time for the models. First up are Glenn and Nicole's girls, who do the whole Charlie's Angels pose before the head down the runway. Their Kate has dark hair that went a couple of inches past her shoulders and bangs, rather than a traditional bob. Their Jaclyn has a bunch of limp, dark curls, and their Farrah looks, well, a little bit like a hooker. Her bangs are extra bleached blonde and the effect isn't terribly classy.
up are Paulo and Daniel. Their Kate has a razored bob that's longer in front. Their Jaclyn has dark hair with a bit of volume that flips out a bit on the ends. In back, though, there are a couple of too-yellow highlights. At least they're on the underneath. Their Farrah looks exactly like Farrah. It's awesome, but it's not so much modern as it's, well, Farrah circa Charlie's Angels. Dee and Nekisa's Kate comes out with a dark bob just a tiny bit longer in front. Nekisa is trying to convince me that their Jaclyn has red hair, but honestly it's brown with the absolutely tiniest hint of auburn in it. To me, the curls are a little bit lank but it's not horrible. Oh goodness, their Farrah. Nekisa calls it "fabulous." I call it a bunch of too-tight curls not loosened up at all after they came out of the curling iron, and a giant wave of flat bangs swept to one side. Heeeedious!
Jaclyn asks Kate to first comment on Dee and Nekisa but Kate admits she's gone blank, feeling like she's back 30 years. So Jaclyn has Dee and Nekisa explain their vision. Dee explains that Nekisa did Farrah, Dee did Jaclyn, and they both worked on Kate. Kim calls her out on saying a lot of, "I did this, I let her do this," etc. Kim calls up their Farrah and points out that it doesn't move and has giant holes. He asks Charlie what he thinks. "I hate it." Nekisa laughs, "Of course!" Oh, this isn't because he hates you so much as it's an absolutely god-awful cut and style there, lady. Dee can't contain her glee as Nekisa gets slammed but then Kelly asks if she stands behind the Farrah (clearly intending her answer to be yes, as they were a team) and Dee basically says she hates all the Farrahs. Nekisa then claims that Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood both wear their hair in curls just like this. Now I don't want to ever stand up for either of those two, but... no they don't, honey. Paulo and Daniel are and have a cute gay giggle before they start. Kim's bored of the bob he's now seen a million times both this week and in past weeks. Kelly doesn't see Jaclyn in their Jaclyn and hates the way Farrah is styled. The real Jaclyn wishes that the hair had movement like his wig did last week. Glenn claims she and Nicole worked well together -- Nicole did Kate, she did Jaclyn, and both the girls and Charlie did Farrah. When asked, Charlie says he was afraid that the Jaclyn was going to look too old. Kim calls her up and barfs all over the curls, which Glenn has to admit were hers. Nicole admits she would have made the look younger. Kim again asks why no one used hairpieces. He needs to just marry the hairpieces and get it over with. Jaclyn points out that no one gave their Jaclyns a center part, which was her signature -- and which she's wearing the shit out of right now, it should be noted. Kate comments on the versions of her cut and notes the lack of movement and highlights. It sounds like they basically didn't like anyone as she dismisses the stylists so that the judges can deliberate.
They agree that basically everyone did a crap job. Jaclyn says she'd never wear any style she saw there and desperately hopes that they were caricatures of what the Angels actually looked like. Don't worry, Jaclyn -- you looked fab then and you look fab now -- you were just presented with a bunch of heinous looks. First the judges talk about Nekisa and Dee, and the Farrah is crucified. up is Paulo and Daniel: at least they liked Farrah's color, if not the style. Kim points out that Paulo hates teasing and volume but explains, "It's like giving a midget flats. Sometimes you need a little bit of volume." Well... yes? When asked, Kate won't even answer if she'd wear any of these styles. She muses that to update her hair she might have tried an asymmetrical bob. Then they discuss Nicole and Glenn and are just as disappointed with them as with everyone else. Kim points out that everyone failed on the Jaclyn and seeing the real thing every single day. It's a ridiculously valid point. Nicole's and Glenn's Jaclyn is declared a disaster. Well, overall, really all of the styles are disastrous to some degree. Decision made, the stylists are called back.
Jaclyn admits that she's disappointed in everyone, which Daniel takes pretty hard. She calls the styles caricatures rather than modern interpretations and unsurprisingly announces that there is no winner tonight as nothing was shear genius. Then Nekisa and Glenn are called forward. Glenn is shocked, and Nekisa is adamant that she had the best Farrah. Seriously, if she ever thought this show was a way to get exposure and possibly new clients, she's shooting herself in the foot. If I didn't hate her so much I'd be willing her to shut her mouth, but her attitude and her sense of style are both so awful that I'm taking a sick pleasure in it. What does that say about me? Well, if nothing else it says I like my hair to look nice rather than limp, greasy, yet clumpy.
Jaclyn tells Nekisa her style was dated and uninspired. For once, Nekisa merely nods. Glenn is told that Jaclyn would never wear her style then or now. And for the love of little green apples, Glenn is the one going home! What?? Even Nekisa has the good grace to look completely shocked. Glenn is crushed and while she wipes her eyes, Kim rubs salt in her wounds by saying the Jaclyn should have been a no-brainer. Glenn runs through the requisite, "You were great, thank you for the chance," routine and leaves. Jaclyn warns them that this should show how serious the judges are about the competition and sends them off to stew in their mediocrity. Glenn cries but gives a classy last interview that she's going to miss the excitement of starting a new challenge, and tells us to reach for the stars and that anything is possible. Glenn, I'm going to miss your not talking back and your non-screechy, normal tone of voice. Sigh.