As the opening credits roll, I ponder why Charlie's sour-milk face is so much less appealing to me than Nicole's sour-milk face. You guys keep watching, I'll continue to ponder...
Nicole's up first thing in the morning and finds the clue to today's challenge -- in this case a bowl full of flip-flops (didn't Salvador Dali paint something like that?) -- and decides to "keep this information to [her]self," so that she can get the incredible strategic advantage of picking the numbered flops of her choosing first. Wow, she's jumped to an insurmountable lead now! (The number, in case you care, is three.) Anyway, Nicole tells the group how sad it was to wake up without Meredith in her room, but no one seems to take her seriously because of the giant smile on her face. She's like, "It's sad that Meredith's gone, but not really," and Daniel gives her a look like she just farted in church. Oh, go get dressed up for a Real Housewives wedding, you.
The stylists take to the beach, where Jaclyn and guest judge Oscar Blandi are waiting. Charlie manages to wring a laugh out of Jaclyn when he says being in the bottom three last week was bad, but he "wanted to see how the other half lives." He worked on that line for a day, easy, so it's nice to see it paid off. Jaclyn delivers this week's challenge, which is to style the hair of a beachgoer without the ability to wash said hair. Sounds like they're going to be brushing out sand for an hour. In order to ease the pain of such a difficult task, the clients all end up being hot-ass surfer boys. I say that's a fair trade-off. Unless you're Dee (sorry, Dee!). The numbers on the flip-flops match the numbers drawn on the surfers' arms, so the stylists are matched up with their respective heads of hair (and the torsos that come with them).
One of the interesting quirks, as the stylists get to work, is that Dee and Glenn are working on twins. And you thought all California surfer boys looked alike already. Daniel starts talking crap about how Nicole's going to struggle with this challenge. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say every episode this season has included Daniel or Nicole talking shit about the other one. In case you were wondering whether a rivalry was being established or anything. Team Nicole, all the way.
Nekisa flirts with her model while Paulo's...rubs his own nipple? Way to give Paulo the most Paulo-like model. Daniel cuts his model's hair way too short, to the point where it just starts to spike up because it's got no place else to go. Daniel says it's because the guy's hair was "coarser and thicker" than he expected, but duh, they just came out of the ocean. Who's hair hasn't become thicker and coarser once it's been cured in seawater? As for the twins: Dee's model looks all cool and rugged and hot, while Glenn managed to give her twin some unholy Jared-Leto-in-a-rock-band wispy 'do. Gail gets hated on for her (frankly ugly) comb-over style and for being even greener than Nicole.
Glenn (not edgy enough), Gail (too comb-overy), and Charlie (too conservative) get dinged; Paulo and Nekisa both get criticized for not doing enough to the hair, though Nekisa's model is so stupidly gorgeous, he makes it look like she did a great job. You know, to me. Nicole gets props for getting an edgy look while still going short, while Dee's model compares favorably to his twin. Daniel...okay, Daniel's model looks like he's about to head off and film some gay porn. Like he's eighteen and about to get corrupted. Jesus. Anyway, Daniel and Glenn are the worst, while Nicole and Dee are the best. And Nicole wins! And in her interview, she doesn't fail to grasp the "suck it, haters!" aspect of Daniel and Glenn being the bottom two.
Later, Rene hi-his the stylists back into their familiar surroundings and says today's elimination challenge involves doing hair for some people who could really use the help. The Jonas Brothers?? No, probably not. Rene brings out the models...and they all pull off their wigs to reveal gleaming bald heads.
Commercials. I'm planning a trip out to L.A. so I can punch that Jeff Lewis guy in the face. Who's with me??
Anyway, while I'd initially thought these ladies might be cancer survivors, instead they all have alopecia. Which makes me think of Ed Begley Jr. on Arrested Development, so already I'm smiling! Looks like I'm the only one, though, because Paulo's already crying at the bravery of these women, and it looks like he won't be the only one. Nicole chooses her model and then picks the order in which everyone else will choose. And like the vindictive bitch I know and love, Nicole leaves Glenn for last. Don't cry for her, though, Argentina Paulo. She's got immunity.
So the stylists get to pick out a brand new wig, and cut and style it. Charlie predicts Nicole won't do well because...wait for it...she's never done wigs before. Did Nicole know this was a hairdressing competition before she signed up? She knew what scissors were before she came on the show, right? The stylists get to work: Nekisa's model is iffy about the bright red hair she initially picked out. Paulo's model picked a similar color, but Paulo's too busy weeping to see whether she liked it or not. I shouldn't be so hard on Paulo this week -- it seems like he genuinely cares and is avoiding acting like a jackass.
Nicole's cut is looking too bunchy and choppy, and when she realizes she might end up with a crappy cut for her model -- who hasn't worn hair for 12 years -- she starts to get very emotional. When she tells the model, and Rene, that this isn't about the competition for her, it's about wanting to give this woman a good cut, I believe her. Rene actually makes suggestions about what Nicole should do, which I think is overstepping his bounds under the Tim Gunn Accords, but what do I know?
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Time for the hair show! Oscar, from the beach challenge, joins Jaclyn, Kim, and Kelly on the panel. Daniel's model is sporting a big ol' Texas wig, if you can possibly believe it. She looks like Cathy. You know, "Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate! ACK!"? That Cathy. Glenn managed to correct what was looking like pure mushroom-headed horror earlier on into a slightly sleeker bob. It's still not great, but she no longer looks like Aryan anime. Charlie gave his girl a sexy-librarian cut that I think looks fab. Gail's cut looks untextured and is totally flat in the back. She can go at any time, you know. Just a suggestion.
Nekisa's model kept her old, less daring color, but Nekisa gave her some "layers," she says. Let's see if Nekisa gets dinged for not changing the style enough for the sixth week in a row! Paulo gave his model this wild, vibrant, curly 'do that I think looks rather awesome. If only the alopecia were to blame for the linebacker-walk she's sporting out on the runway. But she looks fantastic. Nicole's haircut, to my untrained eye, looks pretty good. Sharon Stone on a good day. Dee also went red and cut it short and mom-like. Which is actually a good plan, since I think her model is a grandma.
Glenn, Dee, and Daniel are all deemed safe without comment. Interesting -- I thought Daniel was one of the best last week and one of the worst this week, and the judges put him in the middle both times. Nekisa's up first for examination. Kim thinks it's too '80s, and Nekisa's model kind of throws her under the bus. Kelly and Oscar also have their nits to pick, and Nekisa bravely refuses to cry. Whatever.
The judges love Paulo's cut -- Jaclyn is reminded of her pal Farrah Fawcett -- and he gives his girl a big ol' hug in celebration. I seemed to like Charlie's cut more than the judges, who think it's too heavy and even helmet-like. Kelly says Gail's lack of confidence is what's holding her back, whereas Oscar takes a more practical approach and points out the real thing holding Gail back: her shitty haircutting. She made her model look older.
Finally, Nicole. She goes through the whole dramatic song and dance of her harrowing day, and she manages to not cry without sounding like a total bitch, Nekisa. Kim asks to see her model up close, and when he starts fucking with Nicole about whether she was worried this could lose the competition for her, you know he loves it. The model loves it, too, which gets everyone going, especially Paulo Sorvino over there.
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The judges deliberate: Kim sticks with the "totally '80s" motif for Nekisa's cut. Paulo's was "perfectly imperfect," per Kelly. Kim thinks Charlie is playing it way too safe, and his beach cut is brought into the discussion to emphasize this newfound conservative streak. Gail's coloring was too one-dimensional, which Kim says made her model look like she had the flu. Can you have a haircut that looks like the flu? Nicole's cut was problematic -- Kelly brings up that clumping on a wig so short runs the risk of revealing the netting -- but also gutsy, and it pleased the client.
Nicole and Paulo get called out as the two best. Weeping has its privileges! Paulo, rightfully, is named the winner. Of course, he has to go and ruin it by pumping is hips and acting like a big ol' goober again. Alas. Jaclyn also informs him that winning stylists won't be getting immunity anymore.
Gail, Nekisa, and Charlie are the bottom three. But who will go home???
Commercials. I'm planning a trip to Malibu so I can punch those Million Dollar Listing kids in the face. Who's with me??
It should also be noted that the text-message poll for who talks the most trash does not include either Nicole or Daniel, which is crazy. Dee? Dee talks more trash than those two? Come on. Anyway, Charlie wins that one going away.
When we return, we learn that despite Nekisa hiding her client's face and being overall incapable of pulling off a more daring cut, she's safe. I'd be more pissed about this if Gail weren't a mortal lock to be going home right now. But first, Charlie gets his wakeup call. Jaclyn says you could tell his client was wearing a wig, which I think is totally not true, and certainly not compared (Daniel) to certain (Daniel) other cuts (Daniel). Charlie owns it, though. And then there's Gail. Who...is eliminated. Why draw it out? In keeping with the episode's theme, Gail tearfully thanks the judges for the opportunity. And either the sound on my TV is weird or Jaclyn got a little choked up too. Not that you could tell by her perfect, immovable face.
Joe R has still never paid more than $15 for a haircut in his entire life. Celebrate his ignorance of hair via email or at his blog, Low Resolution.
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