After the "shear" excitement of little-known reality guest stars last week, what awaits us tonight? (Other than the regular cast of little-known reality stars.) ("Stars.") Jaclyn continues to loosen up a tad and express some emotion as she congratulates Charlie, but then gets serious to ask who he thinks is struggling. He names Gail, and predictably she responds by saying she's a fighter who is going to fight. As opposed to a fighter who is going to knit. We also learn that Matt has poor social skills and gets on everyone's nerves. Jaclyn then introduces the week's guest judge, Campbell Mc-something -- I can't figure out his last name because Bravo won't stop showing giant promos on the bottom of the screen for Kathy Griffin's show. And hey, advertise away, but maybe not when it obscures information in the show that's on RIGHT NOW. Campbell's clients include Katherine Heigl, Christina Aguilera, and Cameron Diaz, or in other words, some of the most divisive actresses in Hollywood. Daniel is naturally smitten but is delightfully charming about it, as always.
This week's Short Cut challenge is to create a "structurally complicated" hairdo that incorporates at least one accessory, and she warns them that a braid or a bun won't cut it. This is a challenge I appreciate as a girl with ridiculously thick hair, whose own fancy hairdos are generally structurally complicated and involve a whole lot of hidden support. They choose scissor boxes that they aren't allowed to open, and they meet their clients, all of whom have hair that is, at the very least, waist-length. They all open their scissor boxes and in a ridiculous gimmick, the number on their scissors represents the length of their client's hair. Why does it not have a name? Or a number from 1-10? Do they think we don't appreciate just seeing the length of hair on these women and need to know an exact measurement? My brain hurts from these questions, so let's just get to the challenge, shall we?
Ha! Meredith gets a client whose hair is longer than Meredith is tall. A couple of them luck out with clients who have 20-something inches of hair while she gets 68 inches. That seems just a tad unfair. Jaclyn then gives them the last rule -- they are not allowed to cut the hair at all. Everyone looks shocked -- shocked! -- at this, which seems weird to me, because if they could just cut the hair to a manageable length, where would the challenge be? Once again, brain hurt. Sigh. Everyone gets an hour, and there's a whole lot of introductions and stark panic. Everyone gives their ideas -- Charlie isn't going to go too crazy because he has to worry about just getting up the heavy hair, Meredith is just freaking out because she has to use her feet as well as her hands just to separate her client's hair, and Matthew tells us he's going to make a sort of "headdress" of curls. Is anyone else's Bad-Idea-Meter ™ going off right now? There's a lot of braiding and rolling as Campbell checks everyone out, and there's mild drama because both Charlie and Matthew are incorporating pearls. Also, Charlie's hair looks "bridal" and he nearly chokes and jumps to change things.
Glenn gives her red-haired client a big updo with a bit of a ponytail on one side and a giant flower. Fear not -- it looks cute, and not like the frightful '80s Texas nightmare it sounds like from my description. Nekisa heard the comment to Charlie that his hair was too bridal and realized hers was the same, so instead she just went for messy. It's a somewhat standard updo made of a bunch of curls, but then she pulled a bunch of hair out and frizzed it up to cover the curls, and she also didn't add any accessories. This one looks just as bad as you can imagine. Dee describes her hair as "futuristic Asian geisha." It's a fairly good description, actually. Matthew pulled his client's hair up with some curls -- the updo is more the length of a French twist and not just a bun, and then there are a few curls coming down and the pearls woven throughout. It's rather lovely. Gail also went with a "slight geisha" style. It's more conventional than Dee's (and man, does Dee look pissed) and incorporates flowers.
Daniel did a pretty generic big twist with some pins with pearls -- it's very average, and I expected more from the Texan. Paulo did a low ponytail with the hair all wrapped around itself to make a bun and has some great sparkly clips, but it's also firmly average. Nicole's thin-haired client looks... well, she looks crazy. She has tons of little braids and then these made up into a bun, but then lots of pieces of hair just pulled out and draped over the braids, along with little sprigs of cherries. It's heinous. Meredith decided to show off some of her client's length, and did a bun-type updo in back with a long piece braided on each side with a flower. Good in theory, but in practice it's very hippy, and not in a happy good way. Charlie did, well, a generic bridal updo complete with tiara. He tried to mess up some of the hair, but it doesn't really work even though Campbell says it does. Campbell is wrong.
Nekisa and Nicole are the bottom two, unsurprisingly. He told Nicole she... played it safe? I'd say she played it ugly. She also is chock full of excuses about her client's thin hair, which definitely is lowering my good opinion of her. She even actually scoffs at Campbell when he comes back to assure her she did have a lot of hair to work with. While he seems to clearly want to wipe the smirk off Nicole's face, he names Nekisa the loser, who admits she folded under pressure. Matthew and Charlie are Campbell's two favorites. I'm speechless about this, so I'll leave it to Meredith, who describes things best: "Charlie's [style] looked like a drunken prom queen who was left without a date at the end of the night." Dark horse Meredith is moving up in my opinion as Nicole plummets! Campbell, on the other hand, loves the texture. He tells Matthew that he made statements, which is good.
Thank goodness, Matthew is the winner. He compares the win to how he felt the first time his wife told him she loved him. I mean, yay and all, but dude, this wasn't even the main challenge of the week. If I were your wife, I'd be pissed. He waxes some more about how he does this for her, and loves her, and it's all very sweet and boring. As Daniel did last week, Matthew will choose the selection order of the other contestants for the big challenge. Glenn is sure she's screwed, while Meredith thinks they'll all suck up to Matt. But he goes straight to bed, and everyone loses the chance -- but wait! Meredith goes down and orders him up to celebrate his glory, then tries to tell him it's not a suck-up. Except maybe it is. Nicole is pissed that everyone else has one-on-one kiss-up time and claims to be above it but only comes off sounding bitter from her near-loss.
Rene tells them that this elimination challenge is to style red-carpet hair around a dress, and they'll be judged on difficulty, glamour, and how red-carpet-worthy their look is. Isn't that the same as glamour? Anyhow, he introduces the clients, and everyone is dismayed to see that they're picking a dress, not a person. They won't get to see the hair they are doing until they're all done choosing. Matt goes to choose and says he's trying to imagine which dress would look good on his wife, and Rene drily informs him, "Your wife is not here." The other contestants get a good laugh, clearly even more sick of hearing about her than I am. Matt gets all defensive in his interview and talks about her some more, then picks a strapless satin chocolate brown (or... black?) gown.
Matt then calls Paulo, who he apparently bonded with the night before. Paulo picks a navy halter satin gown. Gail then picks a red dress, Meredith picks a champagne dress, and Dee picks something silver and sparkly. So far there isn't actually a lot of focus on the dresses themselves, until Daniel comes up and interviews that he picked a dress with a woven bodice, which we can actually see. Charlie picks something I can't even see, and then Nekisa picks a sea-green number. Nicole interviews that Matt was trying to really mess with their heads, but quite honestly, it appears he was only trying to mess with Nicole and Glenn, as they were the last two, and he wasn't actually "messing" with them so much as it was giving them crap dresses because he doesn't like them. She reminds us that kissing up isn't her thing. There's a whole lot of repetition this week.
The clients come in and they are all tall and cute with long hair. Paulo wants to do something "textural" and over the top. Ah, Matt's dress is actually black. I don't know if you've heard, but he thinks it would look good on his wife. Charlie has a black gown with an asymmetrical neckline and doesn't want to do it all up because that's "obvious." Nicole -- in a byte clearly taken from a totally different conversation based on her clothes, hairdo, and makeup -- dismisses Charlie, saying he became a hair stylist because he likes fashion. She laughs dismissively and tells us she became a hair stylist because she couldn't afford special effects make-up school. (Ah, that explains the shiteous Short Cut hairdo.) It appears to not have occurred to her that this wasn't every other person's dream and career path as well. Once in beauty school, she was told she sucked and should quit, which made her try harder. It also clearly contributed to the attractive chip on her shoulder. Daniel is excited because he thinks maybe the guest judge will be a celebrity (not Campbell?) and shows some great self-awareness when he admits he'd freak out. "You saw my reaction with the Housewives, for God's sakes. I actually wet myself a little bit when I saw them." And while male incontinence generally is a turn-off, it makes me love him even more and want to get dressed up and have cocktails while watching trashy television together.
Gail, unsurprisingly, is tired of being in the bottom and wants to be in the top. She's going to show them that smooth hair is one of her strong points. Matthew is once again doing cascading curls because it worked for him before. That right there raises a flag. Matt then starts to trash-talk Charlie, calling him a bitch, but it's impossible to tell if he's doing it with a sense of humor or not. If not, then he's officially the least intimidating competitor ever. Nicole leaves one big piece of hair just hanging out, which she knows is a risk. Basically, it looks unfinished at least as of right now. Charlie gets really nasty with Rene and tells him that he can finish if Rene will stop bothering him, so Rene wanders off. We're given a glimpse of Paulo's style, which is a giant mass of curls on either side of her face. Charlie declares it very "hair show" and informs us you don't do hair show hair for the red carpet, unless you're styling Bjork. I'd agree, but also include Cher. Matthew seems to have curls that won't stay curled and right now it looks really lank. Time is called, and we'll see in the show how he fared.
The show this week takes place outside on an actual red carpet. Jaclyn introduces Kim Vo and then celebrity hairstylist Mark Townsend and none other than Sami Brady herself, Alison Sweeney. Daniel might have peed a little again. The models are actually getting out of a limo. Dee's style is a big updo at the crown, big bun, made of curls, seems to be intentionally messy... so in other words, kind of the usual. Matt's hairstyle is actually gone. His model's hair has lost most of the curl -- the part that is up looks shellacked and then the half that's supposed to be cascading down is lank. Meredith created a giant tall hairdo, kind of Dita Von Teese where the top half is pulled up and the bottom half is then curled under. It's dramatic and fun. Daniel's hair is a giant bouffant bordered by a braid -- I know, my descriptions are awesome, right?
Paulo's old-Hollywood-inspired curls totally work for me, but this is one of those styles to which I can't predict the judges' reactions. He's given it texture but it's not messy or frizzy, which is an art I've certainly never perfected with my own hair. Nicole wound up mostly pulling up the wayward lock of hair, but it still sticks out a bit on one side of the curls piled on her head, and looks unfinished rather than avant-garde. Glenn's hairstyle is exactly what mine was for my sister's wedding. It's pulled up in a bunch of curls that cascade down the back of her head and hang at the bottom, rather than all being totally pulled up. I like it, but clearly I'm biased. I will readily admit that it's pretty but not groundbreaking. Charlie once again did a good job. I don't know if he did this on purpose, though I suspect he did -- his hairstyle is what Matt's only wishes it was. It's not a complete copy, because he went for huge waves rather than curls, but half of it is pulled to one side and it sweeps over her shoulder. It looks a bit stiff, but overall I could totally see this on a (real) red carpet. Gail's client is all pulled back, but she put volume up at the top of her head and it's been pulled up like a rope and sort of woven around in back. It's definitely sleek and very classy. Nekisa also went for the sideswept look that Matt and Charlie did, and it's a more boring version of Matt's. That's bad.
Judging is back in the studio, and Jaclyn first calls out those who are safe: Meredith, Dee, Nekisa and Daniel are all sent to wait in back while the others' models are called out. Glenn tells the judges that she was inspired by her model's really thick hair (hee, so that's how we ended up with the same style). Jaclyn likes the shape and that it looks good from all sides, and Sami thinks it's updated. Kim, however, notices that there's a lot of frizz, and Glenn says that was intentional. I am not sure if I believe that or not, but let's just move on. Matthew is up , and tells them that his client warned him that her hair didn't hold curl, but that he was bound and determined to do it anyway. Dude, this guy is super-dumb and really annoying, and I would never let him near my hair. They are much nicer than I would have expected, though, and he gets off just with Mark telling him he really should have trusted his client's word this week. Charlie (who is sporting a dead bird on his lapel this week) says he was going for old-fashioned screen goddess and beautiful color. Kim tells him that his execution was good, but his creativity was questionable, and Charlie admits that he sacrificed some creativity this week. Mark's in awe that he was able to color and style in 2 hours. Sami loves that it would last.
Oh, Nicole. She tells them that she was inspired by her client's face shape, blah blah blah haughty-cakes, and Kim responds by telling her that he can't stop looking at the one wayward piece of hair and it's driving him crazy. Sami actually asks if it was on purpose, and while Nicole tries to say that the piece accentuates that it's an asymmetrical style, she's slammed by the judges. At least this time she doesn't talk back. Paulo's up and unfortunately, the judges don't love it for the red carpet. Kim tells him that if it were a runway challenge he'd be okay, but notes the two pieces he left long in front and asks if he thinks it's really red carpet. As Sami grimaces, showing us her unfavorable opinion, Paulo says he thinks it is. She looks amused yet pitying. Gail is up , and was inspired by the knotting and roping in the back of her dress. Jaclyn loves the simplicity and Mark calls up her model to see the back of the hair. He's completely in love with it.
Deliberation time. Kim and Sami loved Glenn's hair, while Mark and Jaclyn found it dated. Kim calls Nicole's hairdo "Asian bridezilla." They all think that the piece of hair sticking out looks like a mistake and they hate it outright. Kim calls Matthew's hairdo, "very My Little Pony." Excuse me while I clean up the juice I just spit out my nose when I laughed. It looked bad and he ignored his client's advice. ! They're a bit divided on Charlie, and while Sami and Mark loved it, Kim found it too perfect and, "kind of Barbie doll." I'm glad to see that Kim and I had exactly the same childhood, toy-wise. They all love Gail's hairdo and Jaclyn points out that taking her inspiration from the dress was part of the challenge as outlined. Sami comments on how clean and sleek it was, which I'm sure will thrill Gail when she sees this deliberation. Paulo is another one who divided the ranks this week. Kim loved the structure, while Sami declares it "hideous," and Mark tells them he'd "never work in this town again" if he styled a client that way. Through all of this they've made a decision, and Jaclyn calls the stylists back in.
Glenn, Charlie, and Gail were the top three this week, and Gail looks so happy and relieved I think she might fall over. Unfortunately, she wasn't the ultimate winner, and it's down to Glenn and Charlie, who hold hands while they receive their compliments. Glenn desperately wants to beat Charlie but once again, she doesn't and he's again the winner. The other stylists all have very frozen smiles on their faces at the result. Nicole, Matthew, and Paulo are then called forward as this week's bottom of the barrel. Jaclyn reiterates the problems each of them had before telling Nicole that she's safe. Crying, she goes back in line. Matthew thinks it's so ironic that he and Paulo, who had first and second choice, are the bottom two stylists. Well, Matthew, your choice of gown doesn't help so much when you're a shitty hairdresser. The judges all agree and mercifully send him home. While Paulo heaves a sigh of relief, Matthew says inexplicably, "Good. Thank you." His final words are that being there made him appreciate his wife even more, and that he's relieved to lose so he can go home to her. See, he can go home to her, and we can stop hearing him talk about her, and everyone is happy! Meredith interviews that his wife must be really amazing in bed. I'm so-so on her hair, but man do I hope she sticks around for a while so I can keep hearing whatever she has to say. You know who I don't want to listen to any more? Matt. So I'll just tell you that his exit interview is all about hairstyling. Except totally not at all.