"We've searched the country for the most skilled stylists, and brought the top 12 to our salon in Los Angeles." We're then promised that these twelve will cut and style their way to the top (and our hearts, presumably). Then comes the opening montage, and some of these people have styled themselves in ways I never want to appear. So let's meet them, shall we?
Twelve excited people enter the Shear Genius salon and are introduced to their salon. Contestant Daniel Lewis and his blonde faux-hawk tell us that he's designed two salons and he's still impressed. I'm impressed that you're still rocking that look, dude. Maddox Jolie gave it up two years ago. Daniel does "Dallas hair." Contestant Paolo can't believe Jaclyn Smith is their host, since he had a crush on her years ago, and isn't that ZANY since he's a gay man? Jaclyn introduces them to Kim Vo, who is "responsible" for Britney Spears' many hairstyles, among other celebrities. Dude, when Britney's nasty weave is the most notable thing you've done, you're in trouble. Kim is one of the judges. Contestant Glenn loves that "color is Kim's niche" since that's hers as well. We'll see. Contestant Oshun tells us "Oshun got the potion for the motion... when I touch your hair and I do the flair, 'cause I'm Oshun and I'm deep." Do I really need to add any comments to that? Oshun's been nominated for an Emmy. Contestant Charlie alerts us to the fact that he doesn't care what anyone else thinks of him, which means he's going to try hard to be an asshole for more airtime. Contestant Parker thinks he can win because, "Everything [his] scissors touch is like, superfly TNT." Jaclyn then tells them that each week they'll be tested in a shortcut challenge which will be in a limited amount of time, and then an elimination challenge. Okay, we've all watched reality TV before, we get it.
Kim gives them their first challenge, which is to give a client a new look after a five-minute consult and forty-five minutes to cut. The twist? They'll be doing it blindfolded. This explains the fact that the girls are wearing safety goggles. Me, I'd still be worried about, say, my cheeks. They're told that it's about accuracy, not speed, and Kim will judge them based on technical skills, overall style and creativity. He's also going to rank them from first to last place, which will come into play later. Jaclyn tries really hard to sound ominous about this.
Contestant Gail has been cutting since she was 12 years old, and she's scared. Contestant Dee likes making people feel great, and she "specializes in sexy!" Really? I like my stylist to specialize in dumpy. Her girlfriend is her biggest fan. Oshun again reminds us that he's deep. Yeah, that's already old. Contestant Meredith thinks everyone should be scared of her because she's cute. They then blindfold up and get to cutting. Contestant Nicole has only been doing hair for five years. Contestant Matthew is also from Dallas and, "The only thing [he] loves more from hairdressing is [his] wife." Contestant Nekisa opened her own salon two years ago. She's having her client tell her where she needs to even up the haircut. Kim thinks Nekisa's cut is really ambitious, which means shitty. She's trying an a-line bob. We're treated to a montage of cutting, big egos, bloody knuckles and worried-looking clients.
The contestants all tell Jaclyn that they're happy with their results, so it's time for Kim to judge and to inform them that they shouldn't be. The problem for me is that we have no before and after comparison. Parker tells Kim he's happy with it. Glenn did a blunt cut to show that she was ambitious. Because he's from Dallas, Daniel was able to tease his client's hair even when blindfolded. Dee did a short, feathered cut that involved using a razor, and while she and her contestant say they both felt totally comfortable I still think I would have protested that use while blindfolded. Charlie claims to be happy with his shoulder-length, flippy 'do but admits to the camera he though all the clients looked shitty. Meredith kept her eyes closed under the blindfold because she's kee-razy! Paolo's cut is really uneven in back, and he gets all defensive in an interview, saying the girl is lucky to still have her ears and eyes. I'm guessing he's going to get no new clients from this show with that kind of attitude. Nekisa, did her bob but the girl now has two big, heavy pieces of hair hanging in front. Oshun doesn't like it. He's one to talk, given that his cut is massively uneven, and earns only a "hmm," from Kim. Gail wishes her shoulder-length cut was a little longer in the front. Matthew is horrified to see his own uneven work. Nicole admits it was hard but thinks she did a good job, even though she had difficult, pin-straight hair to work with.
Kim tells them that Nicole and Dee are the top two. Nicole did well with difficult hair and Dee showed creativity, but as we all know there can only be one winner, and that is Dee. She dances a bit while all of the others give her fake big applause. He then goes and ranks the rest. Meredith, Glenn, Daniel (who thinks he deserved top three and that Jaclyn loved it, but honey -- I haven't seen her crack a smile yet), Gail and Charlie. Kim tells Charlie his was a bit soccer mom, and Charlie tries way too hard for a sound byte, telling them, "At least she looks better than The Real Housewives of Orange County. Blatant fame whore, table for one! Matthew is , then Paolo, Parker, Nekisa (who maintains her cut was great, and I say only if you like squirrel tails hanging from your ears) and finally Oshun and his hatchet job are last. He promises to step up his game and adds confidently, "The best always finish last." Well... except when the best are... well, the best. Dee will have first choice of client in the elimination challenge, and then they'll pick in the order that they were ranked.
They all then get to see their own big, gorgeous house. Paolo wonders who is going to be the bitch of the house, but for now they all have one big, happy toast and Oshun tells them he's there to stay. They all cheer, clearly feeling they have a leg up already. The morning, he promises that he'll step it up and fortunately avoids telling us once again that he's deep.
At the salon, Jaclyn introduces them to their mentor, Rene Fris. Blah blah, experience, written two books, excited contestants. Jaclyn, very seriously, tells them that he'll be helping them and never judging -- so basically, he's the Tim Gunn of Shear Genius. Jaclyn leaves, and he promises the contestants that they're going to have "tons of fun." His accent is super-thick and rather endearing. Since they're used to clients bringing in photos of celebrities and asking for those hairstyles, they'll be giving someone a famous haircut. Each of them has a card, and flips it over to show their chosen celebrity.
After the commercial, we get to see the pictures too. Before we do, Oshun reminds us of his Emmy and his Hollywood experience -- but given the amount of time we've seen him in interviews so far, I'd say his time on this particular show is limited. The clients flip over the cards, and ha! They're all pictures of cartoon characters. Gail is hoping to not get Marge, which... I get, but damn am I looking forward to whoever does get that one. (Oshun, anyone?) In heavily accented English Rene tells them that they'll be judged on creativity, technical skills, and the interpretation of the hairstyle, and they are competing for immunity. Also, each character appears twice, so we get to compare different interpretations of these characters, which I think could end up being very amusing. Dee picks Betty Boop. Nicole rockets to the top of my "favorite stylists" list by picking Jem. Jem! Oh, if I were ten years old and able to be a client on this show, I would have been clamoring for truly outrageous Jem haircut. Meredith gets Judy Jetson, Glenn picks Jem as well, and Daniel and Gail both pick Wilma Flintstone. Charlie picks Marge Simpson because she's white trash, like him. Matthew gets Marge as well, Paolo gets Judy Jetson, Parker picks Betty Boop, and finally Nekisa and Oshun get Lucy, of the Peanuts. I love this challenge already. Rene warns them they can't win by playing it safe, and sends them on their way.
Nicole is having a hard time because her client only wants something that will be subtle once she leaves the competition. Methinks someone shouldn't have become a freaking hair model, then. Basically, everyone is talking about color, color, color. Nicole finally gets her model to agree to bright red highlights (in her already red hair). Nekisa explains that she's doing "college" Lucy instead of "seventh-grade" Lucy. I think Lucy was younger than seventh grade, but she should just keep telling herself whatever helps her with this rather unlucky choice. Matthew is working on making his client's black hair blue, but Charlie is using hair pieces. He tells Rene that he likes to do something where he musses the hairpieces until they are a "pubicky" texture. Rene's mouth just hangs open. I remind myself to put "pubicky" on my list of words I never want to hear used in a description of head hair ever again. Nekisa tells us that Oshun is working right to her, and that he kept talking and insinuating, "Don't worry, we got this." She responds with an acrylic fingernail run through her hair as she says, "No, I got this."
Gail and Nekisa both dye some nasty bleach-yellow pieces into their clients' hair. There's a lot of worry and smack talk as the two and a half hours run down. Time is then called, and it's time for the hair show.
"Welcome to the hair show!" Jaclyn introduces the judges: Kim Vo, Kelly Atterton, West Coast Editor of Allure, and the guest judge, Neeko. He's known for creating signature haircuts for people such as Halle Berry and Pink. They are competing for $100,000 from Nexxus, an apprenticeship from Nexxus, and the opportunity to style hair for a photo shoot in Allure magazine. I find it interesting that they're calling it an "opportunity" rather than a guarantee -- it doesn't instill much confidence, does it? She then adds, deadpan, that only one of them will have work that day that is, "truly Shear Genius. " Man, she is taking her hosting duties very, very seriously. She explains the challenge, and the hair show begins.
Daniel's Wilma has a great red updo with a cool flip in front -- it's fairly literal, but also still modern and fun. Gail's Wilma has her hair down and pulled to one side, with her bangs curled. It's fine, but... less fun. Nicole's Jem has some highlights and is pulled into a high, poofy ponytail. I bet she's going to get a stern talking-to for not just putting more color in the girl's hair, which is really not so much Jem as college girl going to a club. Glenn's Jem has a shoulder-length layered flip with pink tips. It's still somehow too young on the client. Nekisa's client has some cute short bangs, but it's just dark and pulled back in a type of bun with a couple of ringlets. Oshun's interpretation is even worse -- it's not dark, he's added highlights, and he's just put it up at the nape of her neck with a few ringlets. But he's doing the head bob of self-admiration anyhow. Matthew's Marge is a giant, curly, bouffant-type hairdo that then cascades past her shoulders, and the black has a cool blue tint to it. I rather enjoy it. It's big and blue, but tone it down a bit and it's still a normal person's fun hairdo. Charlie's Marge looks just like Marge. But there's something not right about it just being fake blue hair around a giant beehive. Parker's Betty Boop is dark, flippy, almost literal, but still cute. Dee's is very much the same, but with a bit more length and curl. She says it's very nineteen-twenties, and I agree. Meredith's Judy Jetson has some pale highlights and a giant wave of bangs. It's a bit reminiscent of my hair in sixth grade. Paolo just gave his July a light blonde layered cut, teased up a bit at the crown.
Jaclyn announces that Nicole, Parker, Meredith, Dee, Glenn and Paolo are all safe, though also not genius. They then call out the clients of the remaining six cuts. These are two Marges, two Lucys and two Wilmas. Charlie tells them he was drawn to Marge because he loves the, "snarky matriarch of the suburban working class." It's worded a little better than just saying he loves white trash, but also still rings false and just for the cameras. He's knocked for not doing an everyday interpretation, but he claims he considered that but that there's no way to make it wearable. Don't look to your left then, buddy. Kim calls his client over to feel the hair's texture. Matthew's explanation is better, in that he was trying to combine the big hair of the 80's with Marge's actual hair. He claims to see the inspiration of Marge, but not the cartoon character. He also probably sees the look of skepticism on all of the judges' faces.
Nekisa wanted her Lucy to be more conservative. Though Kelly doesn't quite get the highlights, she thinks it's clean and well-done, and Neeko agrees. Oshun of course didn't like her interpretation, and prefers his own. He says he added flair, but Kim and Kelly both shoot him down and say the hair looks half-done. Neeko adds some very specific helpful comments (this is new for me, I'm used to America's Top Model and all pieces of advice contradicting each other) about how Oshun could have better framed his client's face. Oshun makes a "smell the fart" face like he can't possibly imagine what he means. Dude, he means that your client probably wants to look good when she goes out, not like a conehead. Jaclyn throws him a bone, that it looks very innocent, which she likes. All of the judges love Daniel's Wilma, and the only complaint comes from Neeko -- that Daniel used too much hairspray. Daniel reminds them that he's from Dallas, and hairspray is natural to him. The comment seems to win him points rather than lose them. A good sign for Daniel is that his client looks like she absolutely LOVES her hairdo. Gail's Wilma is crucified for not having any sort of Wilma characteristic. She claims that the big curl in the bangs is it, but the judges disagree and Neeko points out that styling it with products rather than a curling iron would have been nicer and less severe. All six of the stylists and clients are then sent to the back while the judges deliberate. I love that backstage, the stylists who are safe are baffled as to what is going on. Apparently they have all been living in caves filled with hairspray and flat irons and not had access to any televisions to try watching reality TV competitions.
The judges think Charlie's hair was good technically but not at all wearable. Kelly is his biggest fan, she loves the blue webbing around it. Matthew's Marge is knocked by all for not looking like Marge, but rather like a Reno lounge singer. Well... yeah, even though I like aspects of it, I can see that. Nekisa's Lucy was wearable and mature. That's supposed to be a compliment, I think, but none of the judges actually sound excited by it. Oshun is knocked for not playing to his Lucy's face shape. Everyone absolutely loves Daniel. Neeko still has a problem with the hairspray, but hands down he still seems to be the favorite. Gail's Wilma is knocked for her overzealous use of the curling iron. Kelly thinks it looks like something a girl in the seventies would have done for her own prom. Ouch. Ever serious, Jaclyn then announces they've made a decision and should bring the contestants back in.
Weirdly, all twelve of them come back in even though we know six of them are already safe. Charlie, Nekisa and Daniel are called forward and declared the top three. Charlie? Really? But Jaclyn tells them he made them laugh, and then tells Nekisa her style was, "Really wearable for today's woman." I feel like her style was just okay, but that they needed a good fake-out in the six they kept and hers was it for some reason. Daniel's was sexy, modern and innovative. She calls Charlie's name, and he begins to smile, but his face drops when she tells him that he was good, but not genius enough. She then announces that Daniel is the winner, all without cracking much more than a bland smile. Jaclyn! You're beautiful! You can be happy for who wins and still be a good host! Daniel gets immunity in week's elimination challenge. He calls it one of the most amazing moments of his life, and now he realizes that he's really there and he's going to win the competition. Oh, twelve weeks left, sweetpea. Don't count your beehives just yet.
Oshun, Matthew, and Gail are in the bottom three. Oshun's cut was unfinished and unflattering. Clearly he does not agree. Gail's style was neither fun nor modern. And Matthew lacked the mark with his Marge. However, he's safe and tells us he ate his slice of humble pie after being humiliated. He does seem like a good sport. Then, after a dramatic pause, Oshun is sent packing, back to the deep. He says that the playing field isn't what he expected (huh?) but that's life and he'll move on. If he means he wasn't expecting everyone to be better than him, then I guess he's right. Jaclyn tells him he can say his goodbyes and leave, and to him that means a pissed-off wave and then stalking out, announcing, "This is bullshit." No, your hairstyle was bullshit. Jaclyn promises them it will only get harder, and dismisses them.
In one of my new favorite exit interviews ever, Oshun claims that his strategy was to downplay his work for a week or two to lull everyone into thinking he was only average. "But it backfired on me. Oshun got washed out." He once again reminds us that he's Oshun, and he's deep, and adds that he'll see us soon. Oh, not if we can help it, dude. I'm keeping my hair nice and dry and far from you, thanks.
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