Inside the jaws of the dragon, Carrie and Mir very patronizingly explain to the seen-it-all shop woman that they need gowns. Mir says she wants Carrie "to look like a giant cupcake." Carrie pats Mir's belly and says they're "in a hurry," and that Mir has everything but "a gown. And a groom! Whoops!" The shop woman asks dryly, "Is this a lesbian wedding?" Because she's seen it all, you see. But maybe, just maybe, she doesn't have HBO.
On the count of three, Mir and Carrie emerge from their separate dressing rooms. We have gowns. Hideous gowns. Frilly gowns. With poofy sleeves. They laugh and cackle. Mir says she's going to pee in her dress. Carrie looks at herself in the mirror, loses her laugh in a hurry, and has a panic attack. She says she can't breathe, and screeches, "Get it off!" Finally, after Mir fumbles with "the million buttons" on the back of the gown, Carrie directs her to "just rip it! Rip it off!" Mir does. Carrie's back is all broken out in hives. Mir asks, "What just happened here?" Was it not exactly clear? Something was telling Carrie to beware.
At lunch with the girls, Carrie says she can't get married. Maybe she should tell…Aidan? Since he's the one to whom she'd be getting married? Char and Sam blame Mir, for "taking [Carrie] to that dump" of a bridal salon. Mir says, "It was an experiment? It went awry?" Like the right dress would have made Carrie want to get married. Carrie lifts her shirt and shows her rash off. They girls gasp. Sam says, "When you get a rash from a guy, it's time to heave-ho." Is that a tip in Kim Cattrall's new book, I wonder? Or maybe a whole chapter? Carrie whines that her "body is literally rejecting the idea of marriage," and that she's "missing the bride gene." Hey, that makes sense. It's not like marriage is a biological urge or something. Quite the opposite, in fact. And post-post-sexual revolution, one might wonder why the wedding industry is still booming. Oh, right: people like parties. And presents. Sam says Carrie "isn't the only one," because she doesn't want to get married either. Carrie is all, name one good reason people DO get married, "besides the whole not-wanting-to-die-alone thing." Well, tax breaks, for one. And then there's standing up before your friends and everyone and declaring your love for one person, and promising to be true and to take care of them. That's nice too, I guess. And the party. And the presents. Are any of these good reasons? Char says "sense of security." Carrie says she feels secure now. Mmm hmm. More like backed into a corner, I think. Mir is all, "Why did you say yes?" Seriously. With grating, annoying passion, Carrie makes a speech about how when the man you love gets down on his knees in the street, you say yes. When the man I love gets down on his knees in the street, I know he's just looking in the cheap record bins. But that's just me. Sam says, hope for the best, and if it doesn't work out, just get divorced! "Take tap lessons with Bojangles over here!" Hee. But Carrie "can't do that to Aidan." She'd rather crush him without marrying him. Char says everyone gets anxious about weddings, and "maybe [Carrie's] threshold for anxiety is lower than everyone else's." Carrie wonders if the gown is still outside the dumpster at Tasti Delite.
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