Coulda Woulda Shoulda

I would like to start off by giving props to everyone in the forums for having an intelligent discussion of this episode without going down the pro-life/pro-choice debate road. This is a heated issue, and it shows what a mature group of people interact on the forums, and Im proud of that fact. Now, if people would just learn not to start new topics to ask about a song played in an episode, everything would be perfect. Anyway, on with the show!

Carrie is running down the street in her Psycho Newsies outfit she wore a few weeks ago, yelling, "Extra Extra! Read all about it! I have a shoestring tied around my hair with pompoms on the ends!" as her voice-over tells us that sometimes people get to a crossroads and sometimes it is loud and busy. Carrie runs into moving traffic and cars honk at her and people yell at her, but unfortunately no one hits her. I do think that some guy does yell out, "What the fuck are you wearing, freak?" Miranda is waiting for her at a park or something, and Carrie runs up to her, apologizing that she is ten minutes late. Miranda tells her that she is three weeks late, and then has to explain to Carrie that she's pregnant. Carrie asks her if she is serious, and Miranda is all, "No, I thought it might be a fun thing to say." She then tells Carrie that she took three EPT tests and just had it confirmed by the doctor. Carrie asks Miranda when she had sex, and Miranda confesses to the pity fuck she gave Steve. She then confesses that, since Steve only had one ball and she has a lazy ovary, she didnt think it was possible for her to get pregnant so they didnt use a condom. Okay, now, last season she got an STD. Dont you think that she would have used a condom to, say, prevent the spread of STDs? She doesnt know who the hell Steve has been with for the past year, except for that one girlfriend. I think it was pretty irresponsible for the writers to only think of a condom as a means of birth control. Yeah, yeah, the writers needed a reason for Miranda to get pregnant, but they could have used the old "the condom broke" excuse, or said the condoms in her apartment were so old they were starting to disintegrate or something. Carrie asks Miranda if she's told Steve yet, and Miranda tells her that she isnt going to tell Steve because she isnt having the baby. Then she asks Carrie if she should tell Steve, and of course Carrie has no advice to give.

Carrie then tells us that Charlotte got a surprise of her own that day, and we see Charlotte sitting on the toilet, and she finds out she's gotten her period and is very disappointed.

The girls are at their restaurant, and Samantha is wearing a blue muumuu that Patricia Fields stole from the Threes Company wardrobe department, and Miranda has about ten orange watch bands around her wrist, but no watch. Charlotte slams a box of Tampax tampons down on the table. Carrie is excited that Charlotte brought party favors, and Charlotte starts whining about not getting pregnant, blah blah blah, five months trying, whine whine whine, women over thirty-five have a harder time conceiving, blah blah blah fertility-cakes. Carrie assures her she will get pregnant, and Samantha makes a lame joke about people being able to get pregnant because of so many babies crying in planes. Charlotte thinks that it's her problem that she cant get pregnant, and tells the girls all the sexual positions she has taken to get pregnant and how she has had sex with Trey seventy-three times without a condom, and she asks the girls how much semen has been wasted. Carrie looks to Samantha for a rough estimate of how much sperm that really is. Charlotte then whines about how, when she was in her twenties, she spent so much time trying not to get pregnant that she could have been screwing around with anyone and everyone, and that she should have been so lucky to get pregnant by mistake.

The whole time that Charlotte has been whining, Miranda and Carrie had been sharing looks, and Charlotte finally catches her snap and asks them what's going on, but she says, "What the eff is going on?" and Miranda reluctantly tells her that she's pregnant. Charlotte looks like she's been slapped in the face, and Samantha looks slightly embarrassed. Miranda tells them the father is Steve, and Samantha asks, "Mercy fuck?" Charlotte starts to whine some more because Steve only has one ball and it isnt fair. Samantha asks Miranda what she's going to do, and Miranda just sort of looks at the ground, and they all understand that looking down means "having an abortion." Charlotte starts to bitch at Miranda for deciding to abort, and Miranda tells her that a baby isnt in her plans right now and that she feels uncomfortable talking to Charlotte about it. Charlotte then decides to leave so they can continue to talk about abortion. Miranda feels horrible about the situation, but Samantha tells her not to, that things like this happen and they have all been there. Samantha tells her she has had two abortions, and asks Carrie how many she has had. Carrie looks at her and is all, "Uh, ONE?" like Samantha should know exactly how many she has had. Carrie tells Miranda the guy was a waiter at The Saloon, and it was 1988. Okay, now, there has been debate in the forums about whether or not the girls were being flippant in their discussion on abortions, and really, although Samantha was nonchalant about how many she had, she was trying to ease Mirandas mind about having to get one, and Carrie did not seem laidback about it at all and really looked like she didnt want to talk about it. So there you go, my take on it.

CIM is at Carries place, wearing a horrible print shirt that also looks like a hostage from the Threes Company wardrobe department. Carrie is half dressed, trying to pick out an outfit to go out in, and she keeps going back and forth between CIM and the closet, debating whether to tell CIM what is bothering her. CIM finally asks her if she has "gone coo-coo," and Carrie tells him he has to promise that he wont tell anyone what she is about to tell him, and he agrees. She tells him that Miranda is pregnant and is going to get an abortion, and Charlotte is upset because she cant get pregnant. CIM has the dumbest line so far this year when he says, "Well, if Miranda doesnt want the kid, cant she just give it to Charlotte?" Carrie should have said, "Are you on crack!?" but instead she calmly says, "No, its not like a sweater." CIM asks who the father is, and Carrie tells him that the reason he cant tell anyone because the father is Steve, and Steve doesnt know. CIM gets pissed off and tells Carrie she "railroaded" him, and of course her response was that she just had to tell him because it had been on her mind all day. Like last year, when she just had to tell him about her affair with Big because she couldnt get that out of her mind either. CIM is upset that Miranda is getting an abortion without telling Steve, because it's Steve's baby too and he doesnt have a say in what is going on. Then CIM says the second dumbest line of the year: "Seems like the guy gets the shit end of the stick." Carrie doesn't say, "You are on crack! 'Shit end of the stick'? What about the woman who has the unwanted pregnancy? All this shit is going on with her body, and she has to decide whether to keep it and go through nine months of crazy stuff with her physical and mental health, or get an abortion, which no one would even wish upon their worst enemy! All the guy has to do is sit back and watch it all while having a beer! Shit end of the stick, my ass!" Instead, Carrie watches her spine creep away from her body and just sort of whimpers, "Well, I dont know. Its a tough situation. I dont know." CIM then asks her if she's ever had an abortion herself, and she lies and tells him she hasnt.

Damn! I guess Carrie is trying a new way to keep thoughts in her head without blabbing them to CIM, because she has a multi-colored handkerchief rolled up and wrapped around her head with a corner sticking up right over her forehead, and a hoop earring with something dangling off it on one side. And Patricia Field has been reminiscing about the eighties too, I guess, because she went to the wardrobe department of Pretty In Pink and stole one of the pink strapless prom dresses, complete with the old corsage still pinned to the dress, and threw that on Carrie, along with an old chunky gold necklace that Mr. T used to wear on The A Team. Carrie and Samantha are looking at a window with designer pocketbooks in it, and Samantha drools over a big red leather briefcase-looking bag called a Birkin, which Carrie tells Samantha costs four thousand dollars and isnt really her style. Samantha knows it isnt her style, but if she has it, it means that she has the money to throw around to own a four-thousand-dollar pocketbook. Only Samantha could get away with that train of thought. Carrie then tells Samantha that she's going with Miranda when she gets her abortion. Samantha tells her that she was alone and it was awful, so she's glad Carrie is going. Carrie then tells her that she lied to CIM about her abortion and that CIM seemed relieved that he could still think of her in a certain way, and she doesnt know why she lied. Samantha thinks that she lied so that CIM could still think of her a certain way. She then tells Carrie that she was right in having the abortion at that time, and she cant keep thinking about it. Carrie then realizes she could have a thirteen-year-old child right now, and if she did then she never would have met Samantha. Samantha cant imagine not knowing Carrie, and they lock arms while walking, like good friends do. Carrie says that she should have told CIM, and Samantha tells us the title of the episode when she says, "Coulda woulda shouda!"

To show us that it is getting into summer, Carrie is sucking on an ice pop while typing on her laptop, and she's still wearing the headband and chunky necklace, but she's ditched the dress and put on a black bra. Thats what all the girls wear when it gets hot in the city. Except for the ones with an ounce of fashion sense. Carrie blathers on about making choices and mistakes, "coulda shoulda woulda" and taking different roads in life, and she asks her laptop, "Are we there yet?" Yes, I think we are. At the shark tank, getting ready to jump. Fonzie has his water-skis on as we speak. Aaayyyyyyyyy! Carrie finishes her ice pop and gets a brain freeze. Or maybe it's her headband squeezing her head too hard.

Carrie tells us that, for Samantha, "the road to success was paved with stars," and apparently Samantha felt she needed to coordinate with the pavers, so she Bedazzled some stars onto her clothes. Samantha is wearing a horrid pink suit with a star garland wrapped around one shoulder and falling down onto her arm while sitting at a restaurant with Lucy Liu. You know, the one from Ally McBeal. No, not the young one from The View. No, they arent the same person. I know, my mother gets confused about that too. Samantha cant get over the fact that Lucy is from Queens, so Lucy tries to do some Queens attitude that just looks and sounds like someone not from New York trying to act like someone from New York. ["A friend of mine went to high school with her at Bronx Science, and the IMDb says she's from Queens. Not that I dont agree with you, though." -- Sars] As Samantha takes the check, Lucy tells her that she's looking for a PR person in New York, and that her last guy was a big liar. Samantha tells her that if she wants the truth, she should know that her last dress at the Golden Globes was a disaster. Lucy is all impressed, because she thought it was bad too, but a bunch of queens told her that it "was fierce." Samantha makes a lame joke about queens and Queens, and Lucy thinks she's funny. Lucy then tells Samantha that she was a waitress, and looks at the check to see how big a tip Samantha left. Lucy is all impressed that Samantha left a twenty-five-percent tip, and Samantha tells her that when she represents someone, it is "class, all the way." I refuse to believe that anyone could take Samantha talking about class seriously when she's wearing such a no-class outfit.

Samantha is at the Hermes store, asking to see the Birkin bag. The salesman tells her the bag costs four thousand dollars, and that there's also a waiting list to get the bag and it will take her five years to get to the top. Samantha is as shocked as I am, because in five years that bag isnt going to be the status symbol it is now. Carrie tells us that Samantha isn't one for waiting, and Samantha tells the salesman that the bag is for Lucy Liu, and she wanted Lucy to wear the bag to a premiere week where it would be photographed. The salesman goes to get their PR person on the phone.

Miranda and Carrie are having pizza, and Miranda tells Carrie that her doctor doesnt do abortions, so she's on a waiting list at another doctor. Carrie apparently was in such a rush not to be late that she forgot to get dressed; it looks like she's still wearing her towel and just put a belt around it. She asks Miranda if she's going to tell Steve; Miranda has no plans to tell him. Carrie tells Miranda that she told CIM, and that he had strong opinions about Miranda telling Steve. Carrie asks her if she would want to know if she were in Steves place, and Miranda tells her that she wouldnt want to know, and she really doesnt want to know about it now. She asks Carrie if she told the guy from The Saloon, and Carrie tells her she didnt, but it's different, because she barely knew the guy and only had one drunken night with him. Miranda tells her that if she told Steve, then he would want her to have it, and Carrie gives her a look like it might not be a bad idea. Miranda gets very annoyed and snarks, "You know what? Youre right. Forget my life, Im having Steves baby! Pizza for everybody!" Woo hoo!

Charlotte and Trey are at the fertility doctors office, and the doctor tells them that her blood and mucus test says that she has a lot of anti-sperm antibodies, and she only has a fifteen-percent chance of getting pregnant naturally. Then the doctor tells them they shouldnt wait long to consider in vitro fertilization. Now, I dont know much about fertility treatments, but arent there a number of things a couple should do before in vitro? Isnt that, like, the last thing to try? And for a couple that has only been trying for five months, it seems like the doctor really wants to rush things. Could the writers not do a little research on this before writing it into the show?

Charlotte is walking home from the doctor when Miranda comes up in the other direction. Charlotte sees her and turns around, and Miranda catches up to her to ask her why she is avoiding her. Duh! Charlotte tells her that she's not avoiding her, but Miranda doesnt believe her and tells her that she didnt mean to get pregnant and didnt mean to hurt her. Charlotte doesnt want to talk about it, and Miranda tells her she doesnt want to think that Charlotte hates her because she thinks she cant get pregnant. Charlotte tells her she really cant get pregnant, and Miranda doesnt believe her until Charlotte wigs and shows her the paperwork from the doctor showing that there's only a fifteen-percent chance of her having a baby. I would think that Miranda had less than a fifteen-percent chance of getting pregnant herself, and look at the situation she's in. While that number doesnt seem very high, it still is a chance, and Charlotte should be happy that there isnt something seriously wrong with her body. Charlotte then asks Miranda if she can go home now, and Miranda asks Charlotte if she wants her to walk with her. Charlotte tells her no, and Miranda tells her that she's going to walk behind Charlotte, then, and if Charlotte wants to talk, to turn around and she will be there. Carrie tells us that Charlotte walked all the way home, and she didn't turn around, but she knew that Miranda was behind her. While it was a nice thing for Miranda to do, I would be bothered if I told a friend I wanted to be alone and that person followed me around. When I tell someone I want to be alone with my thoughts, I mean it, and I think the last person Charlotte wants to talk to about her fertility problems is a woman who got knocked up by mistake and doesnt want to keep the baby.