Belle exercises and waxes while telling us that "Being an escort involves pain. But it's almost always self-inflicted." Rip, lunge, curl. "But sometimes, pain can be pleasure."
After the credits, some guy is finishing off sex with Belle. He wants $300 for doing her taxes and will not just "call it even" for some kind of paperwork reason. He needs a receipt, and he strongly advises her to save 40% of her earnings. She has heard it before and agrees unconvincingly. Then he uncomfortably brings up the idea of her being less nice during sex. She stares into the camera.
Belle and Ben jog along the Thames (I'm assuming. It's a big river going through the middle of London; that's got to be the Thames, right?) talking about how she's dating someone who's into S&M. Apparently, Ben thinks she's just dating a lot of different men and doesn't know she's getting paid. Also, Ben's getting married in a year. To Vanessa, who's the weightlifter that kept wandering through the shot last week. Belle is hurt that she wasn't told sooner. They talk awkwardly and jog off.
Stephanie (the agent, remember) says she used to be a dom. Belle assures her that she doesn't want to do it professionally and that she has nothing against the gentleman she intends to torture. Stephanie directs her to a local dungeon, adding, "Tell the bitch I say 'Hi.'"
Belle opens her door to a woman with extremely black hair and her bald male friend, who stands still with a collar around his throat and no expression on his face. "Hi, I wonder if you could spare a few minutes to talk to us about Jesus," says Mistress Sirona. Belle and Sirona have a good laugh, while the man continues to stare straight ahead.
Sirona stalks in and takes off her leather coat, revealing more leather in the form of boots, gloves, teddy -- look, if she's wearing it, it's leather. As the man (black T-shirt, blue jeans) starts to sit down, she snaps at him: "I don't think so! Position three!" Position three, it turns out, involves kneeling, taking off your shirt, and rummaging through a bag that jingles ominously. Belle doesn't mind the fact that the man isn't allowed clothes indoors (as she says, she's used to naked men around the place), but seems a little uneasy with him not answering when she asks Sirona if she wants anything to drink. Sirona pleasantly explains that he won't speak without permission, and then turns to him and asks (in a loud voice that I believe is supposed to be "imperious") "Do you want anything to drink, pet?" Yes, Mistress, he does. "You can drink out of the nice lady's toilet, then, can't you?" Yeah, he should have known better. Belle would prefer not to have her toilet be drunk out of, and she seems to find the man (who has gotten some lengths of chain out of the bag, presumably because Position Three is pretty complicated stuff) a little off-putting.
Now the man is wearing some sort of leather mask and is lapping water out of a dog dish. Sirona asks why Belle doesn't just send her client to a professional (ideally one named "Mistress Sirona"), but Belle is curious about the whole thing. "Curiosity is the first step toward enlightenment," pontificates Sirona, who is sitting extremely straight on the couch. She has very good posture. She goes on, "Belle. I like you. I like anyone with an open mind and clean shoes." Heh. It's important to have standards. She interrogates Belle a bit on whether she's just trying to find a backup career because her breasts are starting to sag (Belle: "My tits are fine.") and then it's time for the lessons.
Sirona opens up a case of, let's just call them "implements", and runs down the wide world of fetishes for Belle, while the unnamed man stands in the background, naked except for a collar, a mask, and a leather jockstrap, facing away from the camera. According to Sirona, the Fetish Breakdown is: "Cross-dress, role-play, Japanese rope bondage, dog training, maid training, dildo training, slaves, feet, and medical. But you're just a beginner." Wait, "Japanese rope bondage" is a whole category? And there's no section for just "bondage"? However, instead of quibbling over the details of categorization, it's on to more practical matters: Belle needs to know how to avoid leaving marks, because her tax man is married. The secret, it turns out, is to start with light spanking and build up the pressure until there's a lot of redness. As the circulation increases, there's more fluid in the tissue, acting as a cushion, and it's less likely to bruise. "Then," says Sirona, "you can go to town." Well, then! The man is directed to go to Position Four, which is on is hands and knees, still facing away from the camera. I mean, I don't think Position Four necessarily involves a camera. I'm just saying, he's still facing the same direction.
Sirona uses a riding crop to point out areas on the back to avoid, then demonstrates safe places to hit (the butt, basically). "Now get off the carpet, you disgust me!" she shouts, and the man crawls around a bit. Sirona goes off to the bathroom, leaving Belle alone with the man. She sits awkwardly while he sneaks looks at her and quickly stares back at the ground. From off-screen, Sirona shouts "Slave! Wipe!" and he scurries off while Belle looks slightly alarmed.
Belle ties a knot, which Sirona approves of. "That's not a bad Lark's Head. Were you in the Guides?" No, but Belle was in the Brownies. That sounds like the punch line to an obscene joke, but I assure you that it is not. Belle wants to know what the deal is with sex. The deal is that there is no sex. You know when you're done because the time is up. Sirona explains that she's above all that, and anyway she's married. Her husband is a professor. Sirona kicks the man, who has been under the table licking her boots clean. Belle looks embarrassed, but takes a turn at kicking him in the ribs. And Sirona says that she's ready, so it's time to redecorate the pad. Take out the couch, go to the sex shop, miss a call from Ben, go to the special sex shop, buy a lot of leather things, miss another call from Ben, put black plastic over the windows, miss another call, put out some wrought iron candelabras for that medieval feel, and purposely miss a call.
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Then some posing in latex, which doesn't go on as long as I was expecting. It seems like she's gone to a lot of effort here, completely redecorating her flat for one client. I wouldn't think that wrought iron candelabras and specialized furniture come cheap. I hope the tax advisor likes it, at least. When the doorbell rings, she instructs him to come in and close the door. Her further instructions are terse: "Clothes off. Wear this. Kneel here." "This" is some sort of thong that looks like it might be latex. When the tax man says "Yes," she grits her teeth and growls "Yes what?" She sounds so angry! It seems to be working, though, because there's a distinct quaver in his voice when he answers "Yes, mistress."
Belle looks delighted as she tells us that there's a whole script worked out in advance, even including the insults. Then she goes back into character, creaking slightly as her clothes might actually be made out of rubber. She directs him to the chair, which she then ties him to while whispering that he'll do whatever she tells him. I'm not sure there's much he can actually do in that position. And then she starts in on some elaborate scenario that begins "When we caught you trying to escape, I could have had you shot" and involves begging and whipping. Seriously, I think that chair looks pretty expensive.
Later, he's on the ground under her chair while she digs her heels into him. She's reading a magazine and ordering him to stop moving or she'll punish him. Well, isn't she already doing that? I mean, I understand the threat, but it seems like this already hurts a lot, so threatening him with more pain is kind of hollow. He begs her to stop, and then she does. That's obviously not what he meant, and there is a moment of awkwardness while he explains that he's a bad slave and she says "But if you want, you can just get up." She checks in on him by asking "Red, amber, or green?" The answer is "green", so it's back to the heel-poking. She's out of plans, so she has to sneak off to the bathroom (making sure to snarl "You disgust me!" on the way out) to ask Sirona for tips. I thought she said the whole thing was scripted!
On Sirona's advice, we see the tax man licking the toilet clean and scrubbing it with a toothbrush while Belle reads a book and calls out "And then do the kitchen!" Well, that should eat up some time. With her client busy, Belle has some time to check her voice mail and finds out about those seven messages that Ben left. She calls him back and they're instantly in a fight because he proposed a month and a half ago and just now told Belle about it. Ben's angry because Belle never answers her phone and he's not allowed to come by the flat anymore. Incidentally, he's walking by some really nice graffiti.
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With the phone call over, Belle is furious and takes it out on the tax man. Whap! Whap! Wham! Red! Red! Red! She does not stop immediately, which I think is pretty unprofessional of her. He does not want scars, and Belle is shocked at herself. He helps her get the rubber dress off (boy, it's noisy!) and they both apologize to each other. Belle offers to recommend someone else, and now I guess she has to find a place to sell all that stuff. Maybe Sirona wants some nice chandeliers?
Out of her work clothes, Belle stomps down the street and into a bar, where she accosts Ben. "Maybe I am a hypocrite, but at least I'm not a fucking coward!" is not a great way to start a conversation, if you ask me. Ben takes it pretty well, though, just saying "All right". I mean, he also says, "You look mental", but he's clearly right. As they have a more rational conversation, he points out that they're not really "best mates" who tell each other everything, because it's obvious she keeps secrets from him. She admits that's her fault, but claims to be a private person. Ben doesn't think that explains everything. Belle is finally able to get out a "congratulations" before being sent out into the rainy streets.
Outside, she voiceovers that maybe absolute control isn't her thing and then texts her professional URL to Ben. The website doesn't exist, unfortunately.
In the closing credits, the chair gets its own entry. It's called a "Tally Ho Chair", and some Googling reveals that it retails for three thousand pounds. I hope they take returns!
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Monty also watches a lot of movies, which he writes about on Monty on Movies. You can email him at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.
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