We open on Belle going to a clearly labeled London Sex Shop to pick up bags and bags of supplies. Then she tells us why she uses black cabs instead of whatever the other choice is in London. Everything in her purse, she tells us, is important. But the only essential thing is this: She holds up a fist. But I think she's trying to draw our attention to her watch. We go to the credits on this: "A lot can happen on an all-nighter."
Getting out of the cab, Belle explains a thing called "The Girlfriend Experience". Her clients are looking for intimacy and exclusivity, which seems like a difficult thing to expect from even the highest class of escort. Tonight's client is Ash, who was her first client ever. They banter comfortably, he accusing her of not brushing her hair, and her mocking his suit. She returns a book he loaned her (Philip Roth's The Human Stain), although it doesn't look like it's ever been opened.
Ash goes off to get a drink while Belle tells us that he's married but his wife hasn't had sex with him in five years. More small talk follows and it's time to head upstairs for room service. Belle smirks a little. She tells us that she's getting 1500 pounds and that her game plan is to give him an orgasm as quickly as possible and then "pace out the rest of the evening". Ash comes out of the shower, and Belle goes to her knees. The music has kind of a "Girl from Ipanema" quality to it.
With that out of the way, Belle reclines on the bed, resting her red high heels on Ash's naked butt. "One orgasm down, ten hours to go," she says, which sounds like a line from a bad movie trailer. Ash orders the room service and Belle climbs on top of him and things get all blurry. As usual on this show, they're making out with the curtains open and a big panoramic view of London behind them. The way this show makes it look, any time you're in London, you should bring along a pair of binoculars because gorgeous prostitutes are getting it on all over the place without shutting the curtains first.
Later (again), Ash and Belle are lounging around in hotel robes making small talk. Whoosh! Cut to Belle holding a ruler and wearing a mortarboard, because it's time for The Three Rules of Conversation in the Escort-Client Relationship. She does like her rules, doesn't she? Rule One is "Keep it light", and the example we're given is that one should not ask your client if global warming will inevitably lead to an apocalypse. Rule Two: "No politics" (something about the Northern Vote). And Rule Three, possibly the most important: "No inflammatory topics", which in this case includes any sentence that begins "Does your wife know you like to..."
Given those rules, it will be no surprise that the small talk we see is completely uninteresting. So they move on to having naked sex pressed right up against the great big window. I was told English people were repressed!
In the bed, Ash is asleep while Belle reads The Irony Engine (the Jay Lorre book from the end of last episode). She tells us that she never sleeps with clients and sneaks off to the bathroom so she can call Ben. He's playing a video game (he's gotten past the force field and is now on level four) while a woman paces back and forth lifting weights. Belle inquires about a gig, which sounds horrible ("It wasn't a gig. It was an acoustic-electric performance piece"). Luckily, Ben was only watching the piece, not performing it. The weight-lifting lady turns out to be named Vanessa and does something underwear-related, which gets Ben off the phone right quickly.
Belle will not sleep, so she stretches a lot and generally acts bored. Eventually she writes a note saying "Ash - gone for cigarettes. Won't be long." and slips out. That's the second time she's told us at length how her time belongs to the client and then gotten bored and forgotten all about it. She's lucky she's cute. Outside, it is night. I mean, it was night inside the room, too, but it's more obviously night when you're outside. Belle is behind the front desk hanging out with the staff. She believes the woman who just came by is a man.
She proceeds to show off by describing the young man/older woman pair coming down the stairs as not mother-and-son but lover-and-lover, based on the way he's touching her hip. But the bags under the woman's eyes, suggest that she is a mum. It's a little like the scene where Sherlock and Mycroft Holmes show off at each other. Anyone? Don't you people read? Anyway, the important part is that the front desk guy is in charge of their child via a baby-monitoring system that uses the phones.
Belle goes off to the bar and gets a beer, where she's promptly accosted by a man with champagne, who insists that he knows her from television. Then he moves on to asking if she's up for a bit of fun. The kind of fun for which he's willing to pay. Oh, this is highly unprofessional. Double-booking? Even lawyers won't stoop that low. Well, most of them won't. Belle profiles him and decides he's a man who knows what he wants, so he should be fairly efficient. Belle gets Front Desk Fellow to monitor Ash in 504 so she can go off to 914 with the new guy. Scandalous!
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In 914, the new guy knows what he wants: he wants Belle to take off her corset and stockings. Then he positions a hand mirror between her feet and says he wants to watch her come. We see them having sex, and Belle looks like she's about to burst out laughing while he brags about his sexual stamina. We cut back and forth between Ash sleeping and Belle surreptitiously looking at her watch. Ash rolls around restlessly until Belle takes the drastic step of rolling a condom onto her finger and sticking it up 914's ass. And it works instantly. So, a little sex tip for the viewer, I guess.
Belle walks out of 914 and proceeds to take a long, slow-motion shower. I guess it probably wouldn't be so long if it weren't in slow motion. I'd call it gratuitous, but I have a feeling that "wet, topless Billie Piper" is a valid use of screen time, even if she's facing away from the camera most of the time. It's morning, and she returns to Ash, carefully removing the note. I wonder if she remembered to actually get cigarettes. Ash wakes cheerfully and goes off. Belle avoids 914 in the lobby and slips the Front Desk Chap an envelope with his cut.
Closing out the show, Belle is philosophical: "Maybe the Girlfriend Experience is like me as a real girlfriend. Starts out all exciting and passionate then I get bored, sleep with someone else, and leave." Then she brags about the money some more before calling up Ben.
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Montykins also has trouble falling asleep in hotels, although he usually just reads a book or something. Monty also watches a lot of movies, which he writes about on Monty on Movies. You can email him at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.
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