Episode Report Card Jeff Long: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Over The Hills To Grandma's Coven
By Jeff Long | Season 1 | Episode 10 | Aired on 01.05.2012
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.It has been FOREVER. Cassie is sleeping when she is visited in her room by Jake. He tells her that she can't control the dark magic inside of her and insists that she's evil. Then, she pushes him really hard and he starts to bleed out of his mouth. Real gross. Cassie wakes. Thank Hermione it was only a dream. When he won't leave her alone, Cassie tells Adam about the dark magic stuff. He thinks it's no big deal.
Charlie's mother visits to check on Diana post-breakup with Adam. She visits Dawn and accuses her of having something to do with Henry's death and Jane's wackiness and vows to suss out her involvement, which freaks her out. Charles says that he will take care of it. Melissa is still the dark princess of Chance Harbor and it's pretty amazing. Faye tries to convince her that they should look into getting their powers back. So, whoa, Adam tells Diana about the black magic stuff and she gets mad and pushes him and he starts to choke! No blood out of the mouth stuff, because she freaks out and says that she didn't mean it and he stops choking. Weird. Doesn't sound very "written in the stars" to me. Everyone questions her about what's up and she gets upset but doesn't kill anyone.
Dawn shows up for dinner at Charlie's house and he's afraid that she is going to try to poison his mother. Faye and Melissa go to this dude's house to try to get their powers back and, as luck and the CW would have it, he's a stone cold fox. And, he says that he can help them. He makes this bloody star on Faye's chest and tells her to concentrate on something that she wants.
Diana's grandmother sensed something about Cassie and told her that she knows that she has black magic in her blood. She also says that she can perform a ceremony that can help her. Meanwhile, it looks like Faye's witch booster from the hot guy didn't work. Also, Melissa tells her that she's not going to follow her around anymore. Grandma Kate leads Cassie into the woods. She does this weird ritual and the wind starts blowing. She breaks a twig and Cassie falls to the ground. Diana finds some weird stuff in her grandmother's bag that tells her absolutely that Kate is trying to kill Cassie, so they go to look for her, but not before Grandma freaking buries Cassie alive (maybe not such a bad thing?). Cassie manages to use her mad face magic to blow the top off her casket. Kate tells Charlie that she was just pushing Cassie to see how powerful she was -- they can use Cassie to tip the witch scales to good from evil? Not really clear there. Faye finds out that hottie gave her a fake potion. She starts to wreck his place, but he shows up and says that he can help her. Those two are about to get down. Diana and Cassie are alone after the coffin scare and Cassie says that, though she thought she was going to die, she enjoyed the feeling of blowing the casket up and she would be dead without her black magic. Also, Jake is watching from outside!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!It's been a while. What I'm absolutely sure of is that, during their time off, the people running this show got to the business of picking out what's working on this program and amping it up and losing the rest. Granted, it's kind of impossible at this point to get rid of Cassie and she's such a drag, so fine, just make the bitch evil. We can all deal with that, right? Well, here we are. It's going to be great. Right?
We open with Cassie sleeping. She's oddly more energetic in this state. She opens her eyes and goes to her bedroom door. Jake is there and it frightens her. He's spooky and says that her front door was open. Now, obviously this is a dream, because Jake's hair is in a dreamscape pompadour, but I find that the writers on this show solve too many narrative problems with things like, "Your front door was open." She acts frightened and reminds him that he is a witch hunter. But, then he reminds her that he saved her and they weren't very happy about that. He says that he's there to talk about dark magic and tells her that he was wrong before- she can't be helped. "You think I'm evil?" she asks. For Christ's sake, better than boring. He says that she knows. She has evil blood. Balcoin blood. The devil's blood. Then, her face screws up and she pushes him really hard. He stands stunned for a moment, then grabs his throat and falls to the ground. Bloods spilling out of his mouth and he's making all sorts of dying sounds when Cassie wakes with a start. Not so fast. Chris Zylka, the guy playing Jake, is so sick pretty that it's almost distracting me from the total aimlessness of this dark magic shiz. His skin is like a buttered roll. That is a very good thing.
Cassie is going through some book about black magic when Adam knocks on her door. He says that she doesn't look sick. Ah. So, she's playing hooky. Pure evil. She says that there's just a lot to deal with, Jake being hunted, Adam himself. Poor thing. She doesn't mention that she's evil. He asks why the witch hunters had been afraid of her, so they start studying the dark magic stuff together. He's skeptical and seems to make Cassie feel a little better. She says that Jane has gone to "healer" because she just isn't herself. So, no one's looking after her? She doesn't have to go stay with Diana or something? What's happening to Jake's house?
At Diana's, there's someone at the door and it's freaking Dee Dee McCall from Hunter! But, here they're calling her "Grandma Kate." I wonder if she's undercover. Sexiest cop of the 80's, folks. Purple eye shadow for DAYS. Anyway, Diana's psyched to see her and efficiently (because the writers have SO MUCH story that they want to fit into this hour, I'm sure) tells her right away that Charlie is dating Dawn. She says it's just like high school all over again and says that Charlie always had a crush on her. Nobody in that freaking group dated the actual people they wanted to be with, did they? All this writing in the stars but everybody in Chance Harbor is apparently star-writing illiterate. Anyway, Charlie shows up and says, in a clunky way, that Diana would know all about power couples. Weird. She goes upstairs and Dee Dee tells him that Diana and Adam broke up. She didn't tell Charlie. Hmm. She just tells him that girls don't tell their father's such things.