We Got Poped, Sir

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Pope & Associates is hired by Democratic Congresswoman Josie Marcus (Lisa Kudrow) to not only run her presidential campaign, but also to dispose of a damaging secret she’s hiding: she was a teen mother who gave her baby up for adoption. That kind of a problem is a cake walk for Olivia, of course, but after about five minutes in Josie’s hometown the Gladiators discover that that baby she had? She didn’t give it up for adoption; her family did one of those Chinatown things where they pretended the baby was Josie’s little sister. That never works out! That little sister is now working for Josie and has no idea. Oh boy.

Cyrus and Mellie spend the episode having a hell of a time finding someone to run Fitz’s reelection campaign. They try to get wunderkind Leo Borgen (Paul Adelstein), but he turns them down because he doesn’t work for losers. Zing! But then when Veep Langston approaches him in a men’s bathroom (an old trope, but a good power move nonetheless) about running her campaign as an independent (!), he seems into it for some reason. So, looks like we’ll have a female independent challenging Fitz, as well as Lisa Kudrow on the Democrat side. This is going to be fun!

At Olivia’s urging, Josie Marcus takes the bait from one of her opponents in the Democratic primary debate and comes clean about the baby she had. She claims she gave it up for adoption, but her little "sister" does some simple math and instantly figures out the truth. They fight, Josie irrationally blames Olivia for this, and fires her. She comes to her senses a day later and tries to hire her back, but…

At the White House Correspondents Dinner Mellie summons Olivia to a hotel room and privately begs her to come back to Fitz’s campaign -- he needs her. Guys, I know the internet hates Mellie and I’m not saying they don’t have good reason to, but man, she breaks my heart in scenes like this. Bellamy Young is vulnerable and desperate and contrite and the scene is perfect even though something awful has happened to her hair. Olivia doesn’t answer either Josie or Mellie, but, c’mon -- barring some unforgiveable new betrayal coming out about him she’s picking Fitz. But what are the odds of that happening!

And now for the kicker: Jake and Huck have been investigating why Fitz would lie about flying the Remington mission, and after stealing some files from Rowan’s home (which is insane, because wouldn’t Rowan have every inch of his home on surveillance?) and some classic Huck hacking, they discover that Fitz didn’t fly the mission because he was in Iceland… shooting down a 747 that was carrying Olivia’s mother. So. That’s the weirdness between Fitz and Rowan. Boom. The episode ends with Huck and Jake paying a late night visit to Olivia’s apartment, which will make for some delicious Olivia freak-outs week. Girl, there’s not enough red wine in the world for drama this big.

Mindy Monez loves Mellie even when she has terrible First Lady helmet hair. She can be reached on Twitter for discussions of all things Scandal @garnisheater.

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Olivia and Rowan are back on their Sunday dinner schedule, and while Olivia is giving off fierce bitchface waves in his general direction, Rowan remarks that they are already on their dessert course and Olivia hasn't even accused him of any crimes against humanity or anything yet! He considers this progress. Olivia, as always, considers this entire charade to be bullshit. Which of course it is, but Olivia goes into a mini-rant about how awful he is and how much she hates Sunday dinners and how she's going to go to her room and slam the door and never come out because he's ruined her life-uh. It's not as trivial as all that, but I just feel like we've seen this exact scene play out so many times at this point that it's starting to feel a little rote.

Aside about Rowan: How hot would it be if someone on this show would just pull him aside and ask him point blank what his problem is? Just a straight up "Why are you so weird and awful? Please lay out the step-by-step process that made you this way." And then he just did so in a very straightforward manner. It would revolutionize storytelling!

While Olivia and Rowan are at dinner, Huck and Jack are burgling Rowan's home. Jake is downloading some files onto a flash drive, because what is a show about secrets and spies without flash drives? Huck is monitoring Rowan's position via the restaurant's security cameras (he hacked into them, natch), and trouble's a-brewin' because Rowan's leaving the restaurant and heading home, and Jake has only copied 80% of the files. The race is on.

Somehow, Rowan makes it home in under 30 seconds. I think there may have been an editing mistake there. Huck has to re-arm the home security system so that Rowan doesn't get alarmed (haha, alarmed! Ahh, puns) that it was disabled in the first place. Rowan enters, disables the alarm again, and Jake's files download in the nick of time. Jake hides in the shadows of Rowan's office and just barely escapes detection on his way out. What a good spy! What an adorable, perfectly-dimpled, wonderful little spy. I wanna dress Jake Ballard up in a sailor suit!

The day, Mellie and Cyrus meet with a one Leo Bergen (played by Shondaland alum Paul Adelstein), a campaign manager extraordinaire, in the Oval Office. He's squeeing superfandoms about how cool it is to be in the Oval Office like it's his first time there, though, so it sounds like he's never won a Presidential campaign before. This is worth noting because Mellie and Cyrus really want him to run Fitz's reelection campaign, which I still can't believe they think he can win, and simply can't wait to see what insanity the show comes up with to make that win happen.

Leo mistakes what Fitz and Mellie have for an actual marriage, and gently suggests that maybe he and Cyrus should speak alone about his hesitations regarding the gig. Mellie's like, "LOL, I'm my husband's employee, and sometimes I'm barely even that. Let's all talk shit about the boss together, shall we?" And he does. He doesn't want to take the job because he doesn't work for losers. Fitz's penis is a huge problem (I'll say) as is his "frigid wife" (UGH!), and they are going to lose. He's also a little butthurt that they only came to him because they've pissed off Olivia Pope, but that's secondary. I do appreciate the level of self-awareness the show has about how ridiculous a Fitz reelection is. They're going to do it anyway, of course, but a little self-awareness goes a long way.

Across town, Olivia is meeting with Josie Marcus (Lisa Kudrow), the Democrat with all the catchy soundbites against Fitz who's been plaguing Mellie and Cyrus on all the news networks. Olivia tells her she has a strong brand, but she lacks the gravitas she needs to win a Presidential race, and Olivia can get it for her. Josie's aid tries to usher Olivia out the door, as Leo Bergen is waiting outside for his shot at the gig, but Josie's already sold on Olivia – she's hired. Josie's no dummy.

Josie tells her aid – who is also her sister – to clear the room so she can have a private word with Olivia. And the secrets start pouring out of Josie. She had a baby at 15, whom she gave up for adoption. Olivia starts to say that that kind of a problem is something she can successfully spin in her sleep, but Josie wants it to stay a secret to protect the identity of her daughter. Oh, and it also needs to remain a secret from her much younger sister too, for some reason. You see where this is going. Also, she gave up this story without making Olivia sign anything which seems unwise.

Olivia calls the Gladiators and orders them to get to Josie's hometown of Red Springs, Montana ASAP. As they drive to their shitty motel (they're very upset about the accommodations in Red Springs because Ew! Stuff that isn't in cities!) Abby makes a very un-private call to David Rosen about how good he is in bed. Ok! That's one way to tell us they're still sleeping together. Huck is blissfully unaware of any of this, as he's on the phone with Jake Ballard as he works on un-encrypting Rowan's files, which isn't going well. Harrison, on the other hand, is horrified, and in typical Harrison style, that is just about all that he will do for the entire episode. Just one side-eye at Abby. Why can't they ever find a b-story for Harrison to have? He is the Jai Rodriguez of this show even though he has great screen presence and he's magic in suspenders. I don't get it.

Once they get to their Gladiator suite, they lay out dossiers on everyone who knew about Josie's baby. Her doctor, a nurse, her cousin, her high school best friend, the baby-daddy. It's a small group. Abby has a good laugh at the baby-daddy being named "Billy Joe Lee," as if that's anywhere near as risible as that phone call she just made in front of her co-workers. Abby and Harrison set off to interrogate the doctor, leaving Quinn and Huck to find the nurse. Huck is preoccupied by his Rowan project, however, and he quickly gets one of the files unencrypted – a surveillance video (with audio) of Fitz and Rowan's reunion last week. In the video, Fitz accuses him of Pete Foster's murder, and mentions how stupid it is to kill someone over a secret that no one is even looking for. But, Rowan has proof that someone is looking for it, which is very bad. What's worse is that "someone" is Jake and Huck, and it's only a matter of time before Rowan figures that out and tries to have them killed.

Huck calls Jake to tell him what he's found, which looks to be the President and Rowan talking about Remington. Their call is cut short, however, by a black SUV of Secret Service men pulling over to pluck Jake off the street.

And then the One-on-One Basketball Game of 2013 went down. The Secret Service have taken Jake to a private basketball court, where Fitz forces him to play a good-natured, but also kind of aggressive, and overall very weird game of hoops. There is a really funny moment where Jake fouls Fitz and he falls down and the Secret Service all come running like helicopter mothers that made me die. They have sworn to take a bullet or an elbow for the President, after all. Before Jake leaves he lets Fitz know that he thinks he's a liar. Fitz looks freaked out for a moment, but then I'm sure something started happening with his penis and that immediately took precedence for the rest of the day.

Back at Olivia's office, she's staring at her Fitz phone, waiting for it to ring, but before she can get too pathetic about it, Cyrus calls her on her normal phone. He wants to hire her to dig up dirt on Josie Marcus because he thinks the kid he has on the job in Red Springs won't do a Pope enough job. Olivia plays it cool and simply tells him it's a bad idea for her to work for the White House right now. Cyrus relents surprisingly quickly, and now Olivia knows just how scared they are of her candidate. She also knows the Gladiators have company in Red Springs, and she gives them a heads up.

Great news! A few of the people who knew about Josie's baby have died recently, so they only have a couple people left to interview. Harrison (doing something!) and Abby set off to take care of them, while Huck continues to freeze Quinn out so she won't become like him. Horse is already out of that stable, Huck, but nice try.

They run through Josie's best friend and cousin in montage quickness, then settle in for a talk with Billy Joe Lee. They offer them all ten thousand dollars in exchange for their silence, and while the other two take it, Billy Joe doesn't want it. That's weird. And say, it sure is weird that a construction worker like himself is wearing such a nice suit in the middle of the day. And that's when the news crews show up. Cyrus's man-servant Ethan has set up a live tell-all with the local news.

Abby struts out to Ethan and the news crew, throws her makeover in their face, and suggests that maybe they cover the White House meddling in a Democratic primary instead. Ethan laughs nervously while peeing his pants all over the great state of Montana, and Abby knows she has won. Abby's a weirdo, but she's such a fun weirdo. And just for insurance, Huck Huck-hacks into I guess Billy Joe's credit card statements in under a minute and discovers that he is regularly cheating on his wife at a local hotel called The Broken Spoke. You'd think it would be impossible for anyone to get aroused in a place with a name like The Broken Spoke, but Billy Joe finds a way on the reg. So anyway, Billy Joe bends to their will like a balloon animal. Ethan calls Cyrus and tells him "We got Poped, sir." Umm, duh. Did you think you were going to do something in politics without Olivia Pope fucking with you? It would be the first time!

Veep Langston's office. An aid breaks the news that Leo Bergen turned down the Fitz reelection job and Langston instantly starts foaming at the mouth about Cyrus being an ass when a man hiding behind a newspaper on her office loveseat purrs "Easy does it, Sal'." He lowers the paper and we see that it is Jack Coleman, AKA HRG from that ill-fated Heroes program. The man's name is Daniel Douglas, and he talks about playing golf with diplomats for a moment and then disappears for the rest of the episode. That was weird! But exciting – Jack Coleman was the best thing about Heroes and his stint on The Office didn't do him justice. I hope they have great plans for him here. Before we leave, Sally makes sure to confirm that Leo Bergen will be at the White House Correspondents dinner. She has plans for him.

Mellie catches up to Fitz in the halls of the West Wing and fills him in on the Leo Bergen situation. Obviously, Fitz doesn't care. Even if he weren't distracted by Jake possibly looking into Remington, Fitz ain't a planner. If it were up to him, he wouldn't pick a campaign manager until the day before the election and he'd just assume everything would work out. And it probably would, too. He tells Mellie to stop helping him because as we all know he only wants Mellie's help when he's screwed up his life so badly that he can't turn anywhere else, and besides, picking out a campaign manager isn't nearly as humiliating of a job for her as he'd prefer. Why America is in love with this guy, I will never know.

Fitz calls Rowan from the Oval Office and tells him he knows it's Jake looking into Remington, but he's ordering him to leave him alone anyway. He means it. Not joking around this time. For realsies! I think Tony Goldwyn is a good actor, but every time this character exhibits steely resolve about something he completely lacks any ability to follow through on it, so his end of this conversation here is all a little laughable. Rowan agrees with me, and tells him to fuck off.

Cyrus is freaking out about Olivia besting them to Mellie, and you can see on Mellie's face the gears that are turning. Cyrus decides to take care of the problem by having one of Josie's opponents ask her about her love child in the middle of the Democratic primary debate, which would be so juicy I actually think Fox News would burn to the ground if it actually happened. So that's solved for now, but they still have no idea who to hire as a Presidential campaign manager. They've asked both people! Hey, there's always Mandy Hampton.

Huck and Jake are jamming now that Fitz and Rowan know they're on their tail about Remington. But how to find out where Fitz was on that fateful day in 1991! Luckily, Huck has a program that can infiltrate all military records and cross-reference them with… the sea? I have no idea what Huck is talking about, but I never do, and it doesn't matter anyway. The point is Huck can crack the case, but the program is at Pope & Associates. Jake breaks in, boots up the program, and very quickly has a list of every mission the President has ever flown. He prints them out and tries to leave, but he runs into Olivia on his way out.

He feeds her a story about stopping by because he's worried about her, and then he busts her for coming back late to retrieve her secret Fitz phone. Olivia opens up a little and they have a moment over how hurt she is that Fitz doesn't need her to vet his Correspondents Dinner jokes for the first time ever. Jake says he'll buy her a consolation burger, but unless that burger's made of wine-soaked popcorn we all know she ain't eating it. She throws her Fitz phone in the trash and off they go.

Back in Red Springs, Quinn has found the nurse who helped deliver Josie's baby. Harrison and Abby go in to interview her and leave Quinn chained up outside like the rabid dog she apparently is now. The nurse tells them Ethan was already there, but she told him to get lost. Oh, also, Josie's mother would never have given that baby up for adoption. That baby stayed right in Red Springs.

Olivia confronts Josie with the intel that Josie's sister is really her daughter. Josie cops to it, but still holds firm that her sister can never know. Olivia shrewdly points out that it only took her team one day to figure this out. Come national election time someone else will too. She has to address it head on. Josie is still resisting, saying she never expected to have a life in the public eye; she was just a veteran whose husband died in "that stupid war" and when she voiced her outrage, people voted for her, much to her surprise. The show wrote that part much better than I did, and Lisa Kudrow did some very good work with it. I like this character a lot, even if this particular storyline isn't the freshest thing in the world.

Fitz and Cyrus in the Oval Office. Fitz wants to dissolve B613 and Cyrus loses his mind because obviously the room is bugged. Why doesn't Fitz ever consider consequences for anything! Cyrus warns him to never say that again. The last guy who tried to get rid of B613 was shot by a gunman on a grassy knoll, "just ask Kennedy." Yeah, I got the reference the first time, Cyrus. Cyrus tells him to just shut up and focus on his reelection, and he's right.

As the Gladiators pack up their suite, Abby takes a call from David Rosen where she apologizes that she won't be back in time for the Correspondents Dinner. She hangs up, and Harrison tells her she has issues. Understatement. Quinn, on the hand, is at what appears to be a pawn shop, trying to return all the equipment they used for the job, including a router that she modified to perform like a much more expensive router, which is shockingly easy to do. I did it myself in my own home! The store clerk explains that in the retail world, that just means "used" (it actually kind of means "refurbished," but let's not split hairs) so all she's going to get for it is store credit. Quinn looks around at what to buy with said credit and settles on a display case full of guns. Yikes.

The White House gang gathers to watch the Democratic primary debate. Cyrus's guy Reston winks at Olivia before they start, and she knows something's up. She grabs Josie and warns her that she's about to get hit and advises her to use it as an opportunity to push her contraceptives platform. She refuses yet again, and takes her place on stage. Why do people resist Olivia Pope? Resistance is futile.

Three seconds into the debate and Mellie is already screaming at the TV. God, I want to watch TV with Mellie.

Reston takes his first question and lobs a tangent about personal responsibility right at Josie's face. He asks her if there's anything she'd like to admit. She has a deer-in-headlights moment, but Olivia nods encouragingly at her from the sidelines, and the truth train leaves the station. Josie slays the story. She was young and stupid, as we all were at that age, and her mother knew she wasn't ready to be a mother, so they put the baby up for adoption so it could have a better life than the one Josie could give her. Her candor is palpable, and this is public sympathy catnip. Cyrus face-palms like he never has before: "She just won America's hearts."

The second Josie gets off-stage her sister has already done the math and confronts her about it. Josie doesn't try to dissuade her. Olivia tries to comfort her, saying she handled the debate beautifully, but Josie's not having it. "I just destroyed the most important relationship in my life. I'm glad you found that beautiful. You're fired." Ehh, she'll get her back.

Later, Olivia's guzzling wine alone in her office, contemplating life like any self-respecting functional alcoholic would. Fitz calls her on the Fitz phone and she fishes it right out of the trash like the trained poodle she is when it comes to him. He congratulates her for the smart move with Josie, and that Fitz/Olivia intimacy theme starts right up. Here we go. Fitz is calling from the bathroom, where he's hiding from Mellie, by the way. Charming, Fitz. He tells her he's vetting his own jokes for the Correspondents Dinner and Olivia's horrified. Me too! He's struggling with making self-deprecating jokes because he feels like he already is the joke. Also, he can't do anything for himself. She gives him a good one that will own his promiscuity problems and win back the room a little. Then, he tells her he loves her and she's absolutely shattered by it, but he just breezes right past it, ready for more free Olivia jokes. And, of course, Mellie is listening from the other room and is shattered by this too. But Fitz? He's laughing. He's honestly laughing. I hate him so much.

Abby's office, a call from David showing up on her iPhone lockscreen. She answers and lies that she's still in Montana, but it was all a test! David walks in, all, Montana looks a lot different than I remember! "More cattle, less bull," which is a great line He's pretty tired of her lying and so am I. Just love David Rosen already, Abby. He's so cute and good at Twitter.

Back at Jake's apartment, he and Huck have made some solid progress. The flight logs show Fitz in Iceland during Remington – a huge lead -- and they cross-reference it with the aircraft carriers that were in Iceland that day. Just then, Olivia calls Jake, asking for a date to the Correspondents Dinner, which he accepts. Huck thanks him for doing Olivia a solid.

Correspondents Dinner time! Olivia walks in on Jake's arm in a black and white gown, looking like the most expensive cookie in Washington. On their way to their table, Olivia locks eyes with Fitz while Mellie isn't looking and they have A Moment. As usual, the Moment seems fun and sexy for Fitz, and absolutely devastating for Olivia. Devastating for me is Mellie's hair in this scene. It's some matronly squished curls situation that has like a lunch lady vibe to it, as if this episode couldn't be more humbling for Mellie than it already is.

Meanwhile, Sally Langston sees Leo Bergen make his way to the men's room and beelines for him. She locks them both in there and asks him what would happen if she ran for President. Leo's like, umm, against a sitting President in your own party? Even against one this useless you will lose. But she wants to run as an Independent, which is insane but a hot kind of crazy. Sally Langston has really gone from a blowhard cartoon to a pretty fantastic character, hasn't she? Well done. Leo looks intrigued. Ooh, this is going to be fun!

The Secret Service pulls Olivia aside during dinner and brings her to a hotel room – where Mellie is waiting for her! OMG! Olivia's first instinct is to turn and run, which is reasonable, but Mellie sincerely begs her to stay… after a dig asking whether or not Jake is married, of course. Heh. Olivia makes it clear that she doesn't appreciate the dig but she agrees to stay and hear her out. Mellie puts it plainly: She wants Olivia to run Fitz's reelection campaign because he needs her. "He is tired, and broken, and it isn't the job. It's doing the job without you." I know, I know, Mellie's a psycho bitch, but it's moments like these that she just kills me. What a heartbreaking display, even if her interest in Fitz's reelection has a lot more to do with her keeping her power than it does with any interest in Fitz's actual success. She's still having to beg her husband's mistress to come back into their lives, and this scene is pretty indicative of the awful positions Olivia and Fitz have repeatedly put her in. Olivia's mind is blown by a contrite Mellie, but she's obviously in. This scene is intercut with Fitz killing with Olivia's jokes at the Dinner, by the way. The man can't even write a dick joke on his own. They're totally going to have to rig it again.

David Rosen arrives home after the Dinner to find Abby in his living room, all gussied up for the party. She wanted to surprise him so they could go together, but she just couldn't get out of her car. And then David reveals what the problem really is: Her abusive ex-husband was at the party, and she was terrified of running into him. I'm going to come clean right now: Completely forgot that she had an abusive ex-husband. David's really wonderful about it and they sit down together to see if they can't salvage the evening. Oh, how I love me some David Rosen.

On their way out, Jake confronts Olivia about using him tonight so she didn't have to see Fitz alone and tells her he doesn't play second fiddle to anyone, not even the President. For about the 19th time. Also, bye. Olivia knows when she's beat and lets him leave. Ehh, she'll get him back too. But before she can, she gets a call that Josie is waiting for her in her office. To the post-industrial loft!

Josie had a long talk with her daughter and has realized that not having to lie anymore is actually a very liberating thing. She hates Olivia for being right about how to handle it, but she thinks she can still win, and she wants Olivia by her side all the way. Olivia, newly chained to Fitz, declines, but Josie tells her to sleep on it and give her an answer tomorrow. Oh, if only something would happen tonight that would make Olivia not want to work for Fitz anymore!

As Olivia leaves the office we see Quinn is also working late… unwrapping a big box of guns she just bought herself. Guys. We need to talk about Quinn. Where is this going? Is she going to kill people for fun on her own time? Join B613? Pose for a Girls with Guns pin-up calendar? What? I'm scared.

Jake arrives home to find Huck there, silently sitting in the dark like a Huck do. Jake's completely unfazed by this, which is great. Huck tells him he thinks he's figured out what the President was doing in Iceland, and why he would lie about being in Iran during Operation Remington. There was a plane crash in Iceland that day, a 747 carrying 329 people went down due to "mechanical failure," but a fisherman on the scene reported flares in the sky. His story couldn't be confirmed because all the satellite photos of the coordinates have been erased. Uh oh. Jake is skeptical, saying those two things don't necessarily make a conspiracy. Huck counters with a third thing: Olivia's mother was on the passenger list for that plane. Well, shit.

So, Rowan ordered Fitz to shoot down a civilian aircraft, and he did it. I think it's safe to assume Fitz didn't know Olivia's mom was on board (he's inept, not evil), but this is going to make for some nutso bananas fireworks, and we won't even have to wait for it. The episode ends with Jake and Huck showing up at Olivia's door in the middle of the night, grave faces ready to deliver some horrifying news. I. Can't. Wait.

Mindy Monez loves Mellie even when she has terrible First Lady helmet hair. She can be reached on Twitter for discussions of all things Scandal @garnisheater.

Provenance
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http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com:80/show/scandal/more-cattle-less-bull-season-3-episode-5/
Captured
2013-11-08
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recap (100%)
Wayback Machine
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