The opening credits sequence, a time-wasting luxury not afforded in the pilot, includes eerie silhouetted shots of people walking, a few clips from the Roswell Daily Record, and any number of deeply pensive glares. And Ill bet my MBTV stock options that this song is by The Cranberries, and if it is, Im sure its actually a protest song deriding the existence of God, organized religion, and some war in Uzbekistan that no ones ever heard of. But it serves its purpose here in this equally dramatic context.
Day. Slumber party dud Michael is product-endorsing a Pepsi in front of the police station, trying to look casual. As he scopes out a window high above the sidewalk, Roswells collective police force of one drives into the station house and Michael skulks away guiltily, trying hard to blend in with all of the no people around him. Meanwhile, in the basement of the Crashdown, Liz is taking an admirably "well, we work together but I certainly wouldnt say were friends" approach to Mar-EEEEEEE-a and her concern about aliens (they look like people but they dont act like idiots all the time) living among them. Maria wants to know what the aliens really look like, how they use their powers, and other questions answered dozens of times in the pilot (the cut-copy-paste feature on the writers computers must have vaporlocked by this point). Even the tin-foil antennae they have to wear as part of their kitschy work uniforms doesnt help Marias whining squeal come in any clearer. So Maria accuses Liz of "being, like, so casual about this I want to choke you. Liz, we are dealing with aliens --" But as she utters the word "aliens," they are interrupted by a random lackey at the Crashdown, who Im so sure has never, ever heard anyone use the word "alien" before. In Roswell, New Mexico. Liz puts a hand over Marias mouth and it actually shuts her up, calling into questions who really has the magic powers here, and begs, "Can you please not say that word in public?" Cut to hilarious punchline, as we see Maria and Liz replace all instances of the word "alien" with the word "Czechoslovakian" (the find-change feature on the writers computers must be vaporlocked by this point also: "Are they good Czechoslovakians, bad Czechoslovakians, we dont know." But her musings are interrupted by peripheral good guy Alex, who pops up out of nowhere into the booth closest to where the two girls are talking. Showcasing both his innate cluelessness concerning recent developments in Roswell, as well as a complete inability to conquer the pronunciation of the word Czechoslovakian, Alex wants to know just exactly WHO they know whos "Kankanaflankian." They sidestep the question, so hes forced to take another stab: "WHOS Crebadeloxican?" Oooh, sorry, Alex, not even close that time. Either intentionally lying to keep Alex out of the loop or genuinely unsure of the word hes attempting to choke up, Liz and Maria construct conflicting and unconvincing ruses and make their escape ASAP. Clearly, the "make script infinitely more uneven and boring" feature on the writers computers must have suffered a complete meltdown.