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Tuesday
As the final five heads into the penultimate week, karmic vengeance continues to rain down on Dilana. Seems she tore a calf muscle during rehearsal. She mounts a stool and overcomes an apparent South African Who boycott from her childhood by singing "Behind Blue Eyes." The Supernovices also sing an original song after their covers tonight, and Dilana's is called "Supersoul." It supersucks. Gilby's criticism that Dilana's songwriting is too literal is actually fairly charitable of him, probably because she worked so hard hopping up and down that runway on her one good leg. Not kidding. Magni's cover is "Back In The U.S.S.R.," and he translated one of his songs, "Your Time Will Come." Icelandic musicians are kind of pissed, aren't they? Dave joins Storm on stage for "Suffragette City" and has a great time, and the guys all love her original, "What The What Is Ladylike." Even though something tells me that wasn't the original title. Lukas strums a solo 6/8 version of Bon Jovi's "Livin' On A Prayer," then follows that up with an original power ballad about his mom, "Head Spin." He totally gets away with both, even though he desperately needs a haircut. Toby does another song by The Killers, "Mr. Brightside," and follows up with a party-song original that sounds like a cautionary tale about all the booze you're supposed to be consuming while you listen to it. At the end, we get not just an initial bottom three, but a full early ranking: Toby, Lukas, Magni, Storm, and Dilana. And that's most votes to least. Tomorrow night's show should be interesting.
Wednesday
Brooke's pregnant, and we learn that you're never too young to be hit on by Tommy Lee, even if you haven't been born yet. Gross. Magni gets to sing a bland new Supernova song. Toby wins both the encore and a brand-new, product-placed vehicle, then actually dedicates his performance to his late compatriot, the Crocodile Hunter. This show just keeps getting weirder. Especially when it comes time to read the names of the Supernovices who spent any time in the bottom three during last night's voting, and all five of them end up standing. First in the bottom three is Storm, who moves both Jason and herself to tears with "Wish You Were Here" for her mom. Take that, Lukas! Dilana's , and she hops around while turning "I Want You To Want Me" into a punk-rock novelty tune. And Lukas makes his debut in the bottom three, and is ballsy enough to try to save himself by repeating his original from last night. Seems to me like the penultimate week is the wrong time to pull a Zayra, but of course it's Storm who goes home, and Lukas is going to week's finale with Toby, Magni, and Dilana. Try to act surprised. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Tuesday
Brooke's all dolled up tonight in a raggedy dress she whipped up from someone's abandoned prison stripes as she tells us that Supernova will choose their lead singer one week from tomorrow night. And a few days after that, I'll turn in my last recap of this show and take a very long nap. "Give it up for our final five," she says, as Magni, Toby, Dilana, Storm, and Lukas wave to the crowd. Brooke also introduces Supernova and Dave. And then she tells us that apparently getting booted off the show last week was the best thing that ever happened to Ryan, because his original solo songs are burning up the download charts already. Okay, one chart, and it's on MSN.com. Still, nice elimination choice, Supernova. Brooke says that there will be four Supernovices in the finale, so the pressure's on. Not as much as if tonight promised a double elimination, but I guess she has to say something.
Flashback to last week, when Dilana forgot the words to "Psycho Killer." She later interviews that the thinks she just mumbled the first two lines. At the post-show dinner, she's also beating herself up about it, while the other four are just so over her and her self-flagellating dramatics. She calls it "the worst performance of my life."
The day, they all headed to a songwriting clinic with Gilby. "We rolled down to [product-placed guitar company] in those [product-placed vehicles]," Lukas sells out in an interview. Then we see Gilby and Toby sitting on a sectional sofa, Gilby with his guitar and Toby holding a microphone and singing. That seems like overkill for what amounts to two guys sitting in a living room. Gilby digs what Toby's done, and later interviews that Toby has a certain energy that Supernova needs (translation: we need a singer who doesn't have a subscription to Modern Maturity). Lukas, on the other hand, didn't do his homework, and we see him flipping through his notebook. Gilby interviews that Lukas slacked off because he knew he could get away with it. Don't worry, Gilby; I'm sure he'd never do that on a bottom three night. As for Dilana, she's decided to write a song about the crappy last couple of weeks she's had, thanks in part to you people. And me, I suppose. "Making judgments without cause" is one of the lines she sings. She interviews that it's about the "fans who vote for us on the internet. It's basically a 'fuck you' kind of song." Swell idea. That'll stop the fans voting for you for sure, and then you won't have that problem any more. Gilby's not impressed either, and he interviews that Dilana seems to have a literal streak and a limited imagination when it comes to lyrics: "If you're not bringing anything, what the hell do I need you for?" Wow, harsh. Sounds like we can add Gilby to the list of people who are over Dilana. I'll go this way and let you know when I reach the end of the line.
Back at the Mansion, it's song selection time. There are five songs up on the board, as well as a note telling the Supernovices that in addition to a cover, they're each going to do an original as part of a "two-song set." Using the word "set" rather loosely here. The Supernovices cheer, but Dilana's smile looks frozen. As she interviews later, it's kind of scary: "Zayra, Ryan, and Patrice did originals, and they're all gone." Thanks, Debbie Downer, but I don't think Supernova's going to eliminate all five of you this week.
Then it's time to rehearse with the House Band. Dilana tries to put together a version of The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes," but the House Band isn't feeling it. Partly because Dilana has never heard part of the song before. First "Won't Get Fooled Again," and now this? Was there no Who in South Africa when Dilana was growing up? Were they that pissed about Pete Townshend's White City album? Paul the Keyboard Player interviews that "When people want to change songs that they've never heard before, they're changing it from a position of ignorance." Well, week's rehearsal should be fun.
On that note, we're back in the auditorium. The crowd politely applauds, as Dilana looks like she wants to go find herself a Rock Star reality-show writer to beat the crap out of. Health care now! Brooke repeats what we just heard about each Supernovice singing two songs tonight, and then actually tells us something we don't know: during rehearsal today, Dilana ripped a calf muscle, but she's literally playing hurt. A burly roadie (do they still call them that if the band stays in one place? Discuss) physically conveys Dilana out to the stage and plops her down on a stool behind a mic stand.
As we already know, Dilana is singing "Behind Blue Eyes," because of course now she's the misunderstood villain of the piece. She sings the opening verse in a Liz Phair-sounding voice, high and thin for her, over soft organ and guitar. She doesn't even really sound like herself. As the song progresses, it doesn't sound like she really changed the arrangement all that much, except that the chords in the bridge are driving instead of pounding. If you know what I mean. And if you're waggling your eyebrows right now, you don't. Jim the Rhythm Guitarist joins in on the Townshend high harmony, and they sound pretty good sharing a microphone. "Whoo, Jimmy!" Dilana credits when that part's over. Rafael the Lead Guitarist does a solo, and then the song quiets down for the last line. Which Dilana has changed to "No one knows what it's like to be the sad girl," even though she stayed with the original line at the beginning. Look, if you're going to change it, change it, but at least be consistent.
Dilana hobbles off her stool as she introduces her original song, which she says is about her situation the past few weeks, "Being under a microscope." Or under a twenty-ton safe which she pulled down on herself, as the case may be. She says that even if she isn't right for Supernova, "I'm gonna keep on going, because I have a 'Super Soul.'" Oh, dear. It's one thing to declare your inner strength. It's quite another to attempt to co-brand it.
The beginning of Dilana's original song sounds a whole lot like Nirvana's "Heart-Shaped Box" to me, but that's probably totally subjective. She sings the verse and then jumps off the stool to literally hop down the runway on her one good leg. Points for effort. The song's all about how you can't bring her down, man, because she has a Super Soul, and in fact, thanks for putting her through this and making her stronger. You're welcome, Dilana. Something tells me you're going to need that strength in the eight days. She finishes the song on her foot, then hobbles back to the stool to be judged.
Dave's opening comment is to give Dilana credit for going on, even with her injury. "Vocally, you wouldn't know it," he says. I'm a little disappointed to learn that Dilana's voice doesn't go down any further than her knees. Dave also liked her interaction with the crowd and her "personality between songs" (wait, doesn't he mean her "Super-sonality?"), even though he didn't really dig her original song all that much. He admits that it's tough to follow The Who with your own song. Tommy disagrees with Dave on Dilana's original. Gilby repeats his earlier criticism that Dilana's lyrics are too literal. She explains too much. She goes into too much detail. She makes things too clear. She kills ambiguity. She says too much. I'll stop now. Jason gives Dilana points for "strong will and effort," and then Dilana's ready to be wheeled back to the Nut Gallery. But not before Brooke stands to her stool to give the voting spiel and promise a Magni performance after the break.
Brooke welcomes us back while standing to Supernova on the judges' dais, and announces that Supernova's debut show on New Year's Eve in Vegas has sold out. Damn, all two hundred seats? And it only took until the second-to-last week of the season. "Fortunately," they've added a second show on New Year's Day. On the casino floor? Ah, probably not; Brooke breaks the news that the House Band will be opening for Supernova on the tour. So that should get plenty of butts in seats, even if most audience members leave between bands. But who will be fronting the House Band? Funny you should ask, because a bunch of Supernovices will be singing "some of their greatest hits from this season." And the Idoling of Rock Star accelerates. Before this turns into a Coke commercial, Brooke introduces Magni, singing "Back In The U.S.S.R."
And what a testament to the longevity of The Beatles music that this song outlasted the country it was about, hey? Magni rips into it, sounding like Scott Weiland or something. It's not often we get to hear him singing something both low and loud. It's confident and effortless, but it doesn't really blow anyone away. I think it's kind of cool at first, but then I remember that Paul McCartney used a different voice on the Beatles recording as well. And because Magni is always such a faithful cover artist, he's altering his voice the same way. Magni, listen to me: quit that. Also, Rafael the Lead Guitarist should stop letting Lukas do his hair.
I'm pretty sure that part of tonight's challenge is talking between songs, because they all do it. Magni asks, "Are we having fun?" then sheds his jacket as he explains that the original he's going to sing is one that he just "translated, or wrote English lyrics to." It's called "When The Time Comes." It's a hard-driving, high-speed, minor-key number, and it kind of rocks. The House Band is having fun with it, which has to be a good sign. Again, Magni is solid and strong, if not particularly earth-shaking.
"Molten hot Magni!" Dave proclaims. Okay, I'm just about done cutting people slack on the plays on Magni's name, even though so far I've been pretty magninamous. Dave calls the Beatles cover "killer," says he dug the guitar opening on the original, and says, "I think that's the most aggressive I've ever heard your voice." Disagreeing. "I'm an angry little fella," Magni lies. Tommy's got a trickier question for Magni: for two such different songs, why did he give more or less the same performance? Magni attempts to draw a parallel between the two tracks. "Uh, both of those songs," he carefully explains, "were sung by me." Ah, now Tommy gets it. Everyone laughs and it almost looks like Magni's attempt to deflect the question with humor is going to work, but Gilby presses the issue. "Point taken," Magni concedes. Brooke gives the voting spiel for Magni, and says Storm is .
Back from break, Brooke reminds us that Storm did well with a Bowie tune a few weeks back, but has kind of been languishing since. Or, as Gilby put it, she "hasn't grown." So tonight, Storm is going back to the Bowie with "Suffragette City." Dave interrupts like he's all surprised that's what she's singing, and she asks, "Storm, can I come up and rock that with you?" "Are you kidding me?" Storm responds over the freaking-out crowd. "You get your ass up here!" Dave gets his ass up there, and the Dilana-schlepping roadie hands him a guitar. Dilana makes an "uh-oh" face as Storm and Dave hug, then Storm counts off the band and tears into the song.
Storm's got her big-girl voice on tonight, and she's clearly not taking too seriously Tommy's advice to show a little more skin. In fact, she's got a black suit on with a long jacket buttoned all the way up to her neck, topped with a black homburg. If she were wielding an umbrella instead of a microphone, she would look like a Magritte painting. She's quite a bit taller than Dave, in case you're curious. Unfortunately, as with the last Bowie tune, she has to kind of flatten out the melody to keep it inside her range. On Dave's solo, she somehow manages to get all sexy with him without actually invading his personal space. "Wow," Gilby marvels. Sitting at home, Jill...still doesn't get it. Storm has a great time sharing the stage and the spotlight with Dave, and finishes belting the song. Wham, bam, Thank you ma'am, indeed.
"Good lord almighty people, was that something?" Storm asks the cheering crowd as Dave leaves the stage. Removing her suit jacket to reveal a white wifebeater underneath, she introduces her original, called "What The What Is Ladylike." You think that was always the title? I whatting doubt it.
The song starts in a slow, portentous minor key. The verse is nothing special, but the chorus -- "What the what is ladylike if ladies like to do what the what they like just like you" -- burrows into your skull and signs a damn lease. Storm takes off the hat during the second chorus, letting her hair fly all over. Over on the judges' dais, Tommy may be getting into this more than I've ever seen him. And I'm including his performances of Supernova songs. Of which he clearly wants this to be one. Storm wraps it up, to noisy cheers.
Dave starts out with quite a nice compliment: "I have been onstage with so many great lead singers...it felt just like that." The crowd freaks. As for the original, Dave says it was his favorite original that he's heard in both seasons. Tommy calls her "Storm Triple X-tra Large" and tells her, "That track was, uhhnnh." That's all he can say, is "Uhhnnh." Gilby disagrees, saying the song is "Vhmmm!" Oh, will they never get a along? Seriously, Gilby thought she did great on both. Storm gives some love to the crowd, and Jason's contribution to the judging is to yell Storm's name. Thanks, Jason. Normally he's not that pithy. Brooke gives Storm's voting speech and says Lukas is .
Commercials. I don't have a foot or shoe fetish, but this DSW ad kind of makes me wish I did.
We come back to see Lukas waiting behind the microphone stand with his left-handed guitar strapped on. And he got this week's Bon Jovi song. The lights go down, and he starts softly singing "Livin' on a Prayer," which he's changed to a 6/8 ballad. It's just his voice, his guitar, and a few faux strings courtesy of Paul the Keyboard Player. He sings the first verse low and soft, but with little growling. The chorus and second verse take him into higher territory, where he shows off his vibrato. I'm sorry to say that I'm quite distracted by his hair, which is hanging down in front of his face in a two-tone curtain. Boy needs a haircut. And with that sentence, my transformation into my father is complete. In any case, he's clearly just about getting through this so he can move on to his original.
Lukas sheds his guitar and says that his second song is called "Head Spin." Which is about his mom, and the message is, "nobody's perfect." And I've never been so glad not to be watching this show with Mrs. Rossi in my life, you know? The verse is kind of slow and quiet, but then it kicks into gear on the chorus with some nifty guitar arpeggios. At first, I though it had a really '80s sound, but upon reflection I realize that's an illusion caused by the fact that Lukas is dressed like the love child of Billy Idol and Kevin Dubrow from Quiet Riot. And Lukas's mommy issues are quite modern. And compelling, if his performance is any indication. Which is good, because he needed some way of making up for the fact that the entire chorus is "You make my head spin, you make my head spin. Why? Why?" Sasha the Bassist does an aerial spit take that rains back down on Nate's drum kit, and I'm telling you right now that would have been a firing offense in my old band. Even if it was the drummer doing it. Anyway, song's over. Should be an interesting Thanksgiving at Chez Rossi this year.
Dave says that he appreciates Lukas's new "emotional, powerful, heavy-handed side." I'm not sure Dave is clear on the meaning of "heavy-handed," but Lukas is always happy to take a compliment. Dave says the song made him visualize a stadium full of lighters. Except apparently now the kids do it with cell phones. Don't look at me; the last arena show I went to was The Who. Hey, shut up, it was 1998. I'm not that old. Dave does a little "creaky old man" bit because, as I recently learned, he's even older than I am. Of course, only one of us is in any kind of shape to be always leaving his shirt open on network TV. Bastard. Tommy isn't sure if he liked it, so he has to ask the audience. It seems they do. I don't know, it's hard to tell. They're not exactly tough to please. "Woo hoo! There's still air in the auditorium! Rock on!" Gilby says that watching Lukas perform inspires him. Lukas gives a triumphant roar and starts to leave the stage, but then remembers that he has to stand to Brooke while she gives us his voting numbers. No rest for the wicked.
Toby's the last to go tonight, and he's doing another Killers song. That worked out well for him last time, I seem to recall. He sings the first verse from behind the mic stand, letting us all enjoy the tight close-up on his face. He only does half of the prechorus before going into the chorus and letting the audience sing the line, "I'm Mr. Brightside." Then at the end of the second chorus, he does the other half of the prechorus. Clever, that. He has fun with the up-tempo, energetic song, as always, because he's Toby.
After that's done with, Toby brings the room down fairly abruptly. "Does anyone ever feel like they're not in their own skin?" Dude, heavy. "Particularly after a weekend of getting really wasted?" Whew, that's a relief. But shouldn't he have said "pissed"? Anyway, his original song is even faster than the one he just sang, and with a lot more words, of not nearly as many notes. Every other line of the verse has this "Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh" call-and response thing following it, which is quite catchy. Toby's jumping all around the stage during the chorus. Then he realizes that he's spent way too much time on the actual stage, and dashes back to the no man's land between the main floor and the bleachers, and from there to the platform to the judges' dais. He stays there all the way through the second chorus, Rafael's guitar solo, and one last verse. He even keeps singing when Tommy sneaks up behind him and tries to pants him. Toby doesn't miss a beat, even as he pushes Tommy to arm's length and holds on to his jacket for a moment. Then for the end, he dashes back to the Nut Gallery, where they mob him at the end of the song.
The first bit of news that Dave wants to share is that "'Evs' is no longer and Australian saying. It's worldwide." The crowd cheers, especially the ones with "EVS" written on their palms. Dave also calls Toby's original "instantaneously memorable." He says that "by verse two, everybody knew it." Tommy calls the performance "Bad-beeping-ass." Yes, he did the beep himself. Dork. Gilby calls it a blast, and tells Toby that he puts the fun in rock & roll. Jason talks about how Toby magically embraced the whole audience. Just for good measure, Toby leads the crowd in one last chant of "oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh" before Brooke joins him to give the night's last voting spiel and open the polls. It's one of your last chances to vote, y'all! Oh, but if you're reading this, you missed it. Sorry.
Normally, where Brooke comes back and tells us who's in the bottom three so far, we get a full ranking of all five Supernovices. Toby is first, followed by Lukas, Magni, and Storm, with Dilana bringing up the rear. Whose fans will rescue him from the bottom three? Oops, did I just give it away?
Wednesday
Brooke reminds us that the winner will be declared in just one week from tonight. Less, by the time you read this. She says that the votes that determined tonight's bottom three were "literally double last season's, and almost too close to call." She introduces Tommy as "one of the few men who knows how to bleep himself," although she Nealons the joke so badly it's barely understandable. She remarks that Tommy looks kind of tired tonight, and he says it's because he just got back from the Mötley Crüe/Aerosmith tour he's on. Short tour, huh? I think this is the first time they've deliberately blown the illusion that each week's shows are taped more than a day apart. He calls the tour "off the block," then remembers to throw a bone to the bandmates in the room by telling them he's "really looking forward" to their tour as well. Yeah, I'm "really believing" him, too.
Brooke then introduces Dave, who wants to be "the first to congratulate [Brooke] on [her] pregnancy." Is he really the first? Well, he's the first to do so on the air, which I guess is the only thing that matters. Yes, a little Rivulette is on the way. She admits, "I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to hold this in," as she pats her tiny little tummy. She looks less pregnant than I do. Dave asks Brooke if they know the baby's gender yet, as if given the length of the skirt she's wearing tonight he can't tell from the back of the hall. She says that they're having "another baby girl." Dave says the world needs "another little Brooke Burke," and Tommy agrees as rapidly and grossly as possible. Meanwhile, Brooke's baby daddy tells her to cross her legs until this gig is over with. And change their phone number. And then he buys many, many guns.
After the recap of last night, Dave calls it one of the best shows they've ever had, thanks mostly to the originals. Dave starts the group interview with Lukas, who says that he's happy to have played his song to the world. "I'm used to playing to empty beer bottles and ashtrays, dude." Wow, Lukas is so good at being interviewed that he doesn't even have to wait for the question. Someone in the crowd is holding up a sign that says "Rossi Posse." I'm going to try not to beat myself up for not thinking of that.
Dave addresses Toby as "To, oh, oh, oh-oh-by," to the tune of Toby's song, and asks him how it's going. Toby says that he's having a great time, getting to play both his own original music and Supernova's music. Dave asks if Toby's recent surge is due to a conscious shift in attitude. "Thank you, girls," he asides to some teenyboppers in the balcony before answering. "In ten years." He answers that after weeks of overthinking, he just decided, "Evs." "Evs" seems to be working out for him. I briefly consider adopting it, but quickly realize that I would sound like a fucking idiot.
Dave asks who's going to be singing the new Supernova song tonight, and Jason says that the song, "It's All Love," is going to be "Magni-fied." Okay, enough already. You're going to make the poor guy regret ever learning English at all. They all meet up onstage, and Brooke introduces "Supernova, featuring Magni on vocals." And, she doesn't add, also on rhythm guitar. He's strumming chords on an acoustic guitar while Gilby plucks out notes on an electric. As for the song, I don't know how to describe it without making reference to radio stations that nobody outside the Twin Cities market will understand, so just try to imagine the hardest song you'll ever hear on the station they play in your dentist's office. Basically, it sounds like what you'd get if Matchbox Twenty cranked it up to Twenty-Point-Three. Magni makes the best of it, though, doffing the guitar and tossing it to a roadie before the bridge. He works at interacting with each of his temporary bandmates in turn; hopping the drum riser, facing off with Gilby, even singing into the pickups of Jason's bass at one point, like that's going to make him louder. And then the song's over, and Brooke joins the guys in a line at the edge of the stage.
The bit is the most embarrassing thing we've seen so far this season, which is saying something. Brooke tells us that the final five are already rock stars, and then we go right into a commercial. But it's the kind I have to recap, because it's part of the show. We flash back to earlier, when each Supernovice hopped into his or her own product-placed mini-SUV and caravanned, Swingers-style, to the taping. They fucked with their fancy radios, then arrive and walked up the red carpet into the studio through a crowd of screaming fans. An aside: what's with this heart symbol I keep seeing people make with their hands this week? Is that a new thing, or has it been going on for a while? Could I possibly be any more square? Anyway, the Supernovices make it into the studio without being accosted by any species of Rivers, and there are a few more hero shots of the cars they left behind in the parking lot. Idoler and Idoler. That is not a compliment.
And now Brooke announces that whoever gets chosen to do tonight's encore will win the car they drove down in tonight. Nice of her to wait until they got there to tell them that; who knows what Lukas did to his. Brooke asks Jason who it is. Surely Jason will put a stop to this Idoling, no? No. He pulls a Seacrest instead, and so we won't find out after the break that it's Toby. Ooh, look what I did there. Ain't I a stinker?
And then I have to listen to Brooke Burke attempt to say "flava." Shut up, Brooke Burke.
Coming back, Brooke flogs the twenty-eight-city Supernova tour, with the House Band/Supernovice Revue opening for them. Gilby cuts in with what he calls a "Supernova tour update," and announces that Dave Navarro's band, the Panic Channel, is going to be part of the tour. "This tour just keeps getting better and better," Brooke marvels obligingly. I was going to say the same thing. Well, almost. I was going to say that this tour is turning into OzzFest Lite. OzzFest without the O, maybe. Same difference.
And then Jason takes for-fucking-ever to announce that Toby wins the encore and the new car. Toby hugs his fellow Supernovices, and heads over to the stage carrying an Australian flag. Before he starts, he has a dedication to make: "I know you guys all loved him. Everyone back in Australia loved him...the Crocodile Hunter. I dedicate this to that boy, right there." Tommy nods reverently. I sat here forever trying to think of some joke to add here, but even if this weren't the time, the spectacle of Tommy Lee nodding reverently at the mention of the Crocodile Hunter makes things plenty surreal to begin with. Besides, if it hadn't been for a certain other Australian celebrity dying under similarly unlikely circumstances years ago, Toby might not even be here tonight, so.
Toby and the House Band go into his original song last night, which by now, everyone is able to sing the "oh, oh, oh, etc." part along with him. Of course, because it's Toby, the performance turns into one of those Family Circus cartoons where you see Billy's circuitous route all through the neighborhood. Toby hits the Nut Gallery, the moves on to some old guy in the front row of the back section who barely has time to stand his creaky ass up before Toby gives up on him and scampers away. Rear platform, back into the audience, so on and so forth. I hope Supernova realizes that if they pick him, the road crew is going to have to build their lead singer a damn Habitrail in twenty-eight cities. He's not going to make it back to the stage before the end of the song, so he sings right into the audience-cam, looking like Kiefer Sutherland in The Lost Boys. Finally he makes it back onstage. Brooke holds out the keys to his new car. I want someone to say, "Sorry, we wanted the Killers song. No car for you." But, as always, I am disappointed.
Brooke says that as much as they'd like to give away cars all hour, there's that pesky bottom three thing that they have to deal with. She says again that voters turned out in record numbers, and it was quite close. Then she tells the Supernovices to stand if she says their name. First to stand? Toby. "He just sat down!" Magni laughs. is Storm, then Magni, then Lukas. "There's only five!" bellows some helpful audience member, as Brooke says Dilana's name. Yes, everyone's in the bottom five tonight. As for the ultimate bottom three, that'll have to wait until after the break. Don't look at me like that, I'm not doing it twice in a row.
We return to the spectacle of all five Supernovices standing, waiting to hear the name of the first one in the bottom three. It's Storm. The crowd moans in disappointment. "Don't you want to hear me sing?" Storm asks them. Sure, but week, not tonight. This means you're done. Tommy asks her what she's going to sing, and she introduces "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd. Interesting. Haven't heard any Pink Floyd yet.
Jim the Rhythm guitarist starts strumming the intro on an acoustic six-string (as opposed to the twelve-string on the record), and Storm gently shushes the cheering crowd. This is a straight, quiet performance, like she already knows she's going home tonight and she's got something more important to do tonight than grasp at survival. He voice is smooth and pretty, and she stays out near the end of the runway the whole time in this latest of her many black pantsuits. On second thought, it might not be hers; the way it fits her, it might be Dilana's. Looks like Jason also knows she's done tonight, as he actually wipes away a tear. Storm also sheds a tear as she ends on some high "ooohs." I don't shed a tear though. Anyone who tells you I did is a filthy liar, and wasn't even in the room with me when it happened. "That was for you, mom," Storm says, barely holding it together. I don't even know what the deal is with Mama Large, or if there even is a deal, but I can say this: In your face, Lukas. The judges all look deeply bummed, especially Jason, who just stares at his feet, nodding sadly. They've totally decided already.
Will they be this sad about the person in the bottom three? Probably not, because it's Dilana, and you know she's not going home tonight. With a minimal amount of help from Lukas, she hobbles over to meet Brooke center stage. She doesn't quite have the hang of those crutches yet. She's also wrapped rose vines with dark purple flowers around them. If we actually got to see her walk on them, she might look like a miniature Swamp Thing as reimagined by V.C. Andrews. Before asking what she's singing tonight, Gilby tells her that last night was "one of the gutsiest performances I've ever seen." Dilana and her crazy pointy black leather shoulder pads thank him pleasantly. As for what she's singing, she says, "I haven't once done a punk rock song on this show." The crowd starts cheering excitedly, before she says, "And I'm not about to start now." No, actually, she says she's doing a Cheap Trick song. Gilby looks stoked. "This one goes out to all my fans out there," Dilana says. At this point in the competition, wouldn't it be more efficient to just call them and sing to them over the phone?
But no, instead Dilana starts "singing" "I want! You! To want me! I need! You! To Need me!" and so on, over nothing but quiet guitar chords while emphatically miming every word. There she goes, being all literal again. And then she signals the beginning of the song proper by hollering, "And I want you now." Which is the House Band's cue to launch into a thrash version of the song. Alas, Dilana is either so clueless about thrash or so far advanced that I can't even see her from where I am, but to my untrained ear it sounds like she can't even find the damn beat. She seems to be treating the backbeat as the downbeat, and I don't mind telling you that it kind of hurts my ears. Then she makes it worse at the end of the chorus by stopping the band entirely, wailing, "Ohhh, baby" and blowing a kiss into the microphone. Then she turns to signal the band to start up again, but there hasn't been enough rehearsal time to polish anything that fancy, and they all take a half-beat or so finding each other. Not good, not good at all, no matter how much Tommy seems to be enjoying it. A roadie comes out and conveys her on his shoulders to a platform in the middle of the audience for no reason, and she does her hopping there for a bit before catching a ride back. She ends with a powerful wail that showcases that ass-kicking voice of hers long enough to make us feel bad about a missed opportunity. Bad, bad, bad. Tommy's the only judge we've seen throughout, but now both he and Jason get to their feet to applaud. Except Jason is laughing his ass off. Well, whatever makes him fell better about having to boot Storm.
We come back from commercial with the women on stage left and the three guys still standing in the Nut Gallery. As they wait to hear which of them is the third one in the bottom three, Magni makes a "bring it" gesture. "Magni," Brooke says, and he heads over, all psyched up. So Brooke says, "Don't go anywhere, Magni. We'll be seeing you in the final week. Have a seat." Magni collapses to the floor, looking thrilled but kind of puzzled. That leaves Toby and Lukas, and Brooke tells Toby to sit down. Storm and Dilana's jaws would hit stage left in unison here if Dilana's didn't have a head start.
Lukas joins Brooke onstage, and Jason tells him, wide-eyed, "Hi, buddeee!" Am I seriously the only one who thinks Jason hates Lukas? Am I crazy? Jason says that he's surprised to see Lukas in the bottom three, and Lukas makes a brave speech, that "everyone's trying their best and it's [his] night to make a comeback." Jason asks what he's going to sing and why. Guess what? He's singing "Head Spin" again. I guess Lukas has just decided that this is his encore and is proceeding accordingly, rather than leaving the world he lives in where Everybody Loves Lukas. It's not like he's going anywhere anyway. He does the song for his mom again ("in case she didn't catch it last time," he says, which is hard not to read anything into). It's much like last night, except for his outfit. Tonight he's got on a black suit and a white spread-collar shirt with something black under it. Combined with the haircut, he's a few Fiskars short of looking like Edward Scissorhands. He finishes up, and Storm and Dilana join him it at the end of the runway to await Storm's fate. Oh, shit, I did it again, didn't I? Supernova pretends to deliberate. Or maybe they're counting back the number of weeks since they made an elimination that surprised anyone.
Gilby goes right into his little wrap-up, starting with Storm. He likes the way she changed up her performances last night, but the "multiple trips to the bottom three" isn't so good. He calls Dilana "the one to watch," but she's back in the bottom three as well. He doesn't mention that the bottom three is where she does her worst work, though. When Gilby addresses Lukas, he has to wait for the cheering to die down before he can remark that it's Lukas's first time in the bottom three. Running out of things to say, are we, Gilby? "Tonight is your night," Gilby says. Well, that's so ambiguous that even Lukas isn't sure what it means. So Gilby sends Lukas back to the Nut Gallery, and turns it over to Tommy.
Tommy's broken out another horned hoodie tonight, and I knew I should have commented on how much I've appreciated their absence the past several weeks. Stupid me. Tommy tells the women he loves them both, and decides that he "can't do this." What, no elimination tonight? Well, of course there is; he's just making Jason do it. I wish he wouldn't do that; Jason is many things, but succinct is not one of them. He calls them both "incredible, fantastic performers, and we respect you both as comrades in rock." He finally gets to the point, which is that Storm is going home this week. Dilana looks more devastated than Storm, who bends down and gives her a motherly kiss. Jason thanks Storm, and calls for a round of applause. Dilana crutches back to the Nut Gallery.
Dave tells Storm that he could have chosen anyone to play with, and he chose Storm. He continues laying it on, saying Storm's cover last night was his favorite, and he looks forward to cranking it up in his car. "You're gonna love it, 'cause you're gonna be playing on that track," she tells him, and he readily agrees. Tommy says that he wants to be on drums, and Jason raises his hand as well. Gilby's silence and stillness speak for themselves. But aside from him they all love Storm, even though they kicked her ass off tonight. Storm's last words are to thank the audience and the Supernovices, and she tells the judges, "You will see me again." She takes a deep bow, and Dave tells her they love her, and sends her over to the Nut Gallery to say goodbye. I'm getting a little weary of every elimination being accompanied by reasons they should keep the person being eliminated.
The four Supernovices and Storm have a little moment, and then Brooke summons the final four to join her onstage. Dilana rides over on Toby's back, while Magni carries her crutches, which aren't really doing much at all tonight besides holding up the flowers she wrapped around them. Dave rattles off the names "Lukas! Magni! Dilana! Toby!" in his best carnival barker voice. Brooke reminds us that we get to pick a singer to bring back for an encore Tuesday. Dilana keeps doing that heart sign. Why couldn't she have torn a hand muscle?
Post-eviction interviews: Dilana's proud to be in the top four, and the "last woman standing." Her crutches are like, "We quit." But she'll miss Storm, even though she knows she'll be "Larger than Large." Oh, and here's the end of the line of people who are over Dilana. Hi, Storm! Lukas reminds us that this was his first time in the bottom three, and he's still confident. "There's also a lot of great talent here, and anything could happen." By "here," do you suppose he means, "in my chair?" Finale week. I seem to remember Brooke maybe mentioning it in passing once or twice.