By Potes
Meanwhile, Bret tells us how he has everything... except the right woman! Rock n' roll is the reason for, and ruin of, all of his relationships. Nice to see they slightly edit the cue cards for him each season. It doesn't suck to have hot groupies, but Bret is looking for someone he can come home to -- a best friend he can goof around with, a love he can get hot-nasty-dirty-crazy with, someone who will be patient with his passion for music, and someone who will understand and get what his life is about. And in a "Save the Best for Last" moment, Bret is totally going to realize at the end of the season that Big John has been The One all along. Sometimes the snow really does come down in June. Bret then says, and I quote, "And I swear to you, if I do not find the right woman this time, I am giving up." I WANT IT IN WRITING.
Bret then enters Coyote's to meet his skanks-in-waiting. He notes that hope springs eternal when you're standing in front of this much beauty. I don't know why the Aging Rock Stars' Health Insurance Plan doesn't include vision care. It's really tragic. Obama will get on it, I'm sure. And then, HOLY SHIT. Daisy 2.0 (who we will learn in the near future is known as DJ Lady Tribe) -- with perhaps even more fucked-up teeth and yet bigger boobs -- says that Bret is so damn fine that she can orgasm over and over (and over and over) (and over and over) to his gorgeousness. Whatever brain injury befell her as a child apparently had some pretty stellar side effects. Bret assures his new ladies that they are going to be on a real-ass tour, and he needs to be to shows on time. When the bus rolls out of town they need to be on it or risk having to hitchhike home with a trucker of ill repute.
Bret reminds the girls that he loves to "do photography," and since they'll be on tour and need backstage passes anyway, he's going to take beautiful pictures of their hot bodies. And, incidentally, their somewhat fucked-up faces. And through that, learn a lot about their personalities, of course. Brittaney, a blonde with "beautiful assets" is up first. Bret swears he knows Brittaney from somewhere. That somewhere, he soon deduces, is porn. Quelle surprise. Another buxom blonde contender wonders who the French would want to fuck porn Brittaney. I think you're looking at him, buddy. Brittaney tells Bret that now she's at a different point in her life and is truly looking to settle down with someone. Brittaney interviews that people can judge so hard-core on people who do pornography. Sex is a beautiful thing, she says, and if we can do it behind closed doors, what's wrong with doing it on camera? And I quote, "America's pretty messed up that way." Way to take a stand on the ills of our once-great country. You want to get out of the recession, start having sex on camera. Oh, and holy shit part deux. Porn Brittaney was porny six or seven years ago. Now her passion is singing and songwriting. So she sings for Bret as he photographs her. Instant boner-shrinker. is Melissa, who teaches pole dancing, pilates, hip-hop and burlesque. She says that she's high maintenance. She's very petite and fit, and says that she gets a lot of looks and people who want to take pictures with her and her gravity-defying boobs. She's a real miracle of science.
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