Previously: The ladies got some surprise visitors in the form of their ex-boyfriends/husbands and season one powerhouse Heather. They thought they should be most nervous about the exes. They were wrong. Heather got them all drunk and topless, and used her magical truth serum to get Daisy to confess that she still lives with her eyeliner-loving ex-boyfriend. Heather was disgusted by this news, but Bret, transfixed as always by Daisy's cleavage and duck lips, chose to believe Daisy's claim that it's all on the up and up. We also learned that Bret Michaels is a trade up for Daisy. Scary. Megan was axed, and the girls got the news that they're taking a trip to Vegas, and that Heather's coming along for the ride. Bret predicted that it would rock. This is a good time to note that Bret is not known for his psychic abilities.
We enter the house as the ladies are packing up. Bret tells us that he has feelings for each of the four ladies left in the house, and he's hoping that Heather will help him get to the bottom of it all. This will all happen, of course, in Vegas, where Bret and his bevy of beauties will find spiritual connections while partying their asses off. Given her complete asslessness, this might prove difficult for Jessica. A giant Hummer limo takes the girls and Bret to the airport, where they board a Lear jet. That is one corn-laden, hammer-toed carbon footprint they're making. Bret reminds us that his last trip to Vegas was a beautiful thing, replete with vomiting at the dinner table. Can the magic be recaptured? Jessica is, as usual, worried that Bret thinks she's too innocent and can't handle his middle-aged, bewigged rock n' roll lifestyle. She's ready to prove that she's just as skanky as the rest of his prospects. You go, girl!
Bret and the ladies head to the Hard Rock casino, one of Bret's favorite places to be an idiot and not remember any of it the day. Daisy is excited about this foray into Sin City, and is ready to dance, party, be sexy, and get down and dirty with Bret. But is she ready to have four bitches get all up in her face? Only time will tell. Bret goes to his suite and the ladies head to theirs. Destiney tells us that it's difficult that one of her closest friends in the house, Daisy, is also her biggest competition. But she's there 100% for Bret, and if the friendships fall to the wayside, so be it. Heather asks who wants to join her for a cocktail, and promises everyone that they're in Vegas, and this will not be boring.
Room service delivers a tray with some clothing on it and Bret Mail: "My awesome foursome and Heather: welcome to Vegas. I hope you like your suite. I picked out a few gifts for you to enjoy. Jessica and Destiney, please change into these golf outfits and meet me downstairs. Ambre and Daisy, I will see you tonight at dinner. Love, Bret." Turns out that Jessica played varsity golf in high school, so is pumped for this date. And really, looking at these five I'd guess that Jessica and Ambre are the only two who participated in legit extracurriculars. Heather gives Jessica and Destiney big 80's hair to go along with their golf outfits. It's like Dokken meets Caddyshack. Heather interviews that these girls are so stupid, and that even she knows that '80s hair is out. Now. Hee! Bret likes the looks of them, though. They remind him of himself when he was young and follicularly blessed.
As they head to their date, Heather spends some time with Daisy and Ambre. Ambre is drinking cranberry juice out of the 64 ounce bottle. Bad ass! Heather explains to us that she's there to continue her mission of finding out the dirt about these skanks, and that she wants Bret to be happy and to find a good person to be with. It's all lies, but let's go with it for now. Heather asks if either of the two have hooked up with Bret, and Daisy answers, "Yeah, like, 500 times." You can tell through her huge dark sunglasses that Heather wants to punch this bitch right in the throat. If she did, I think spare car parts and sawdust might come up. Daisy's all, "What am I gonna say, nooooooo?" Ambre interviews that Daisy's biggest strength is her sexuality. Ambre can sex it up for Bret, she says, but she wonders how Daisy will magically form a mental connection with him. I think Ambre overestimate's Bret's mental connectivity by, like, a lot. For her part, Ambre tells Heather that she and Bret have only made out and kissed. Daisy interviews that she can't imagine Ambre and her granny panties in a relationship with Bret. She might have a point, there.
Heather takes Daisy into her bed for some one-on-one time. Bret and Daisy have spent a lot of time together and, when Heather prods, Daisy says that she doesn't feel like the other girls are real competition. Daisy asks Heather for her take on who is right for Bret. Heather doesn't think any one of these hos are good for him. This is clearly because she still wants him for herself -- which is as God intended it -- but this remains unspoken. Daisy interviews that she thinks Heather doesn't like her, and wants to take her out. This is totally all true. Heather then chats with Ambre, and tells her that Daisy is only there because she wants a way out. Ambre shares that Daisy is always talking about being in debt from her boob job. Those suckers will pay for themselves eventually, though, right? She interviews that, from what she's seen of Daisy, she's codependent and is looking for someone to save her from her life. If I were living with someone whose chin looked like a vagina, but wasn't, I guess I'd do the same. If it were an actual vagina chin, though, I'd imagine you could make a lot of money on the Internet. Heather advises Ambre to bring up all of Daisy's sketchiness at dinner and notes that because Bret is a dude, and thus thinks with his penis, he isn't seeing any of it. Ambre resigns herself to doing it as Heather reiterates that Daisy is not good for Bret.
Meanwhile, Bret takes Jessica and Destiney to the Angel Park Golf Course. Golf pro Jed Francese welcomes them with a mixture of envy and disgust. Once on the course, Destiney busts out her signature move -- bending over right in front of Bret. Sometimes watching this show is like watching Wild Kingdom. Destiney is vintage bonobo, and I'm sure Daisy has picked bugs out of Bret's hair and eaten them more than once. Bret tells us that he loves Destiney's rock n' roll ways, but he worries that she's just a party girl. He needs more than that. Jessica, meanwhile, loves that she gets to show off her golfing skill. Bret totally thinks she's going to be all, "Der, why does this little white ball have all these dents in it?" but she totally clocks the ball. Destiney just sucks, but she's kind of OK with that. Jessica wants to shed her girl--door image by climbing all over Bret after every shot. Bret digs it, but Destiney just kind of laughs, then bends over some more. You can't say that Destiney never airs out her lady bits. Bret tells us that Angel Park is the kind of place where you can make love on the golf course late at night. He's like old people on Oprah.
Jessica and Destiney head back to the suite and talk about their golf outing. Daisy's all, "Whatever, we're going to get ready for OUR date," and gives Destiney a little hand in the face. Destiney wonders why Daisy's being such a shithead. Why does the rain fall from up above? Why do birds sing so gay? She's peeved, and interviews with really red eyes that this is all making her think that Daisy isn't her friend after all. She hopes their date sucks. Ambre, meanwhile, is nervous for the date. She feels like this is her last chance to talk to Bret, and she has to tell him how she feels...about Daisy's sketchiness.
Bret meets Ambre and Daisy at A.J.'s steak house, because the girls clearly need some meat. He has a few goals for this dinner. He wants to know more about the ladies in the ex-boyfriend department, because he thinks that someone has a story to tell, and someone is lying to him. Bret again asks Daisy what's up with her and Charles living together for two years after they broke up. She tells him that Charles doesn't have a job. Uh, excuse me, Daisy, helming a horribly named band that combines punk, electronic, goth and black metal to create a unique underground presence (direct from the Google search, dude) while looking like Vincent Price on steroids is a full-time kind of profession. "Halloween, Sex N' Vegas" is going to go platinum any minute. David Archuleta is going to sing it for punk, electronic, goth, black metal week on Idol. Anyway, Daisy DOES have a job. So, she's, like, supporting him, I guess. That's totally healthy. Daisy says that she hasn't been with anyone in two years. Bret is pretty suspicious about this. She says that it's not like she hasn't liked other guys, and Bret asks if they were one-night stands. Daisy says that isn't how she rolls. She likes to meet one random old guy from a band on TV and then fuck him 500 times. Pay attention! Bret wants to believe in his heart and soul, and for his own ego, that a girl like Daisy can go two years without sex. But he ain't buying it. Yeah, I'm sure she just turned herself into a human blow-up doll so her chastity belt would fit more snugly.
Bret still isn't totally getting the living arrangements. He interviews that he wants Daisy to tell him something that gets to the foundation of who she really is. Daisy finally says that she and Charles have been through some crazy-ass shit. Bret wants her to explain what that crazy-ass shit is, because she's leaving out a chunk that makes the whole thing confusing. Last season's Vegas trip was about blowing chunks. This season's trip is all about leaving them out. Season one, forever! Daisy is reluctant to talk in front of the cameras, but finally just launches into it. She had been pregnant, and had an abortion. Charles stayed there to make sure she was okay. Hmmm. I mean, you can't really try to tear apart someone's abortion story, can you? That's just wrong. But I'm just curious about the timing of all these various tragic events. Bret says he's starting to understand why Daisy is so close to Charles. Daisy still worries that Bret doesn't understand that she has crazy-ass feelings for him and not Charles. She tells Bret that she's not in love with Charles, but she just wants him to be okay. Or he wants her to be OK. Or whatever, they're weird and co-dependent no matter what their reasons are. I mean, right?
Ambre busts in and says it must be hard. Daisy is all offended and like, "What do you mean?" Ambre says it must be hard to support Charles financially, and notes that she didn't realize that they had been living together for TWO FREAKING YEARS as just friends. Or that leases even last for two years. Ambre was not swayed by the abortion story! She has tougher skin than I. Daisy says that they're not going to throw each other out on the street, and adds that she can afford it but Charles can't. Well, tell Charles to sell his eyeliner collection on Ebay, then. I mean, seriously. Ambre asks Daisy how she can manage to support Charles AND pay off her implants. Daisy looks offended again, and says she makes really good money. This leads Ambre to ask what, in fact, Daisy does for a living. Daisy says that she's a dancer. What a seraphim shocker that is! I would have never suspected it, given Daisy's boobs to waist ratio.
Ambre interviews that she wants to highlight for Bret the differences between her and Daisy. Ambre is in a stable place in her life, she says, with a stable income. Wait, isn't she an actor? Glass houses and all. But it doesn't add up to her that Daisy is stuck in this two-year lease, and yet has money to get boobs and hair extensions and lip injections. Well, judging by the looks of her Daisy got the two-for-one special from Dr. Nick Riviera. So that probably only put her out a couple of Lincolns. Ambre continues her interrogation, asking Daisy if she has any debt. Daisy does, in fact, have a shitload of debt. Daisy interviews that this is none of Ambre's fucking business. She's not trying to date Ambre, so Ambre needs to pipe down. Ambre puts on a performance worthy of a Lifetime movie as she says, "I feel for you, I really do." She is the Tracey Gold.
Back at the hotel, Heather chows and tells the other girls that Daisy thinks she has the competition in the bag. Destiny listens as she clutches a baked potato in her hand. Don't ask me, I just report what I see. She is pissed, and drunkenly interviews, "I have just as much as right to be here than she does." Whatever you say, Mistress of the Dark. Heather also brings up the fact that Daisy claims to have fucked Bret 500 times. Destiny continues to clutch her potato in anger. Eventually she gets so upset that she throws herself on the pool table and squeals. Hey, everyone deals with anger in their own way. Jessica is all, "Why the fuck did I ever agree to be on this show?" Destiney interviews that Heather made her realize that Daisy is not her friend. She's her competition, and Destiney needs to get out of their shared room and go bunk with Heather. Heather is like the freaking puppetmaster in a rack-enhancing wifebeater! Awesome. Destiney continues to act like a nut as Heather slurs, "No more friends with her, all right? No more." Jessica tells us that she knows the minute Daisy comes back through the door, it's going to be on like Donkey Kong.
And then Daisy walks through the door! Ambre, too. They report back about their date, and Daisy says that they talked about her past relationship. Destiney says she's been wondering about that herself. Daisy says something about not being a cold-hearted bitch who would throw her loser unemployed boyfriend out on the street, and Destiney says she doesn't understand, and Daisy says that if Destiney would shut up she'd tell her. That was probably the wrong thing to say. There is screaming, and Destiney yells that she has no strings, but apparently Daisy does. Those strings are made of titanium, and hold all of her various unreasonable parts together. Leave them be. Daisy tells Destiney to shut the fuck up, and it is ON. Ambre has a few thoughts on the matter, and screams them as Daisy screams back that she's airing all of her fucking dirty laundry on national fucking television, dude. She thinks this is proof that she's there for Bret. I think it's proof that she's an idiot, but I don't get a vote. Jessica observes, and notes that she's stable and doesn't have any drama, and doesn't deal well with crazy. If this is the rock star lifestyle, she'll pass.
Ambre gets all up in Daisy's face and asks if she's looking for someone to save her. Daisy wants to know why they're all ganging up on her, and what she did to any of them. Heather just sits back on the bed, content for now to watch her master plan play out. Ambre is sick of all of Daisy's secrets and lies taking away from her time with Bret, and Daisy screams that maybe Ambre should have more to talk about with him. And then! Ambre screams, "Fuck you! Fuck you, bitch!" Who knew she had it in her? Ambre is sick of dealing with crazy hos. Daisy tries to go in her room, but the others follow her. She clearly feels attacked, and I have to say that I kind of feel bad for her a little bit. I still think she's a freak, but it's all very Mean Girls porno knockoff. Daisy yells for the others to leave her alone. They will not. Heather yells that Daisy is not going to be with her friend. Daisy rolls her eyes, which Heather does not take very well. She throws either a glass or a water balloon at Daisy's head. Probably a glass, as even Heather wouldn't have the foresight to get a couple of water balloons ready just in case things escalated. Heather yells that she will be damned if Daisy will be with her friend. Something tells me that Heather might be damned.
Big John enters to take the girls to spend some time with Bret in his suite. He's all, "Woo, there's a bowling alley in my room! And a blackjack table!" Like, totally unaware that someone is about to get stabbed. The girls sit at Bret's blackjack table as the poor lesbian dealer tries to do her job without projecting visible disgust. She does not succeed. Soon enough, Destiney makes a comment about living with the ex, and the same shit starts up again. Destiney calls bullshit on the notion that Daisy has been living with her ex-boyfriend for two years without any sex. Daisy gets her hand all in Destiney's face as she tells her to fuck off. Destiney wants Daisy to get the fuck out of her face, and throws some water at her, knocking over a drink in the process. Bret is over it. He tells Big John to come and deal with this shit, and leaves the table. He's pretty sad that this trip to Vegas didn't live up to the pukescapades of last season. Destiney apologizes, and tells us that she feels like a jerk for letting her temper get the best of her once again. However, she felt passionately and just couldn't hold it in.
Oh, and then Heather gets involved. She says that Daisy is sucking her way out of debt. Daisy says she doesn't need anyone to save her, but Heather retorts that she does, or she wouldn't be with Bret. Daisy then pulls a, "Do you know who I am?" and says that her uncle is Oscar de la Hoya, and if she wanted a way out, she would have called him. And he would have given her some cash in exchange for a day of lingerie shopping with the girls. Daisy is pretty upset to have four crazy bitches screaming at her. Well, three. Jessica really has stayed out of the whole thing, which I think is to her credit. It seems like things calm down, but then there is more screaming, and Bret has to come out and intervene. He says this is ruining his fucking night, and he's done. He tells Daisy to go to his bedroom, and sends the other ladies back to their suite.
Bret tells Daisy that the problem with her is that her story, which is not a bad story necessarily, continues to unfold a little too slowly. He tells us that there are a lot of holes in her story, and they both have to get to the bottom of it. Bret has traditionally shown himself to be a fan of Daisy's holes, so I think she's going to come out of this just fine. Daisy wonders why it's so wrong for her to care about someone in her life. Bret hopes that Daisy is there for the right reasons. Daisy says she is, and then goes on about wanting to be loved and appreciated and eventually she just squeals like a bat. I think Bret is turned on by bat squeals. He holds Daisy. He tells us that she has a whole lot of deep rooted issues but, to her credit, whereas most people would have snapped and been out by now, Daisy is still there and fighting. Bret thinks she has true emotions for him. He tells her that the only thing that matters is what they feel for each other, and if she's straight with him they'll work it out. Daisy says that it's awesome to have Bret comfort her, and that he knows just how to cheer her up. She goes back to the ladies' suite and gets greeted with looks of disgust.
The morning, Destiney is in tears. She worries that she might be going home because of her outburst, and adds that anger and alcohol don't work well together. Or, perhaps, they work a little too well together. She hopes she can fix the damage of last night. Heather comes to talk to Bret about the night's eliminations. Bret likes Ambre, but Heather says that she's not his type. They both doubt whether Jessica can handle his lifestyle. Bret notes that Destiney has wanted to punch pretty much everyone in the face. He's concerned that she might not be cool to hang with backstage. And then it happens. No, not the good thing where we thought that Heather was going to come back a la New York and Bret would realize that she is the greatest and the one for him, even if she maybe did get a little mean with Daisy, and they drive off into the sunset, or off of a cliff like Thelma and Louise. I mean, whichever. Bret tells Heather that he can't get into the girls' heads any further as long as she's there -- she's too big of an entity. He has to finish his quest on his own, and figure out if any of the remaining four girls might actually love him. He totally just dismissed her! Was anyone else livid about this? Heather takes it all in stride. She says she'll always have Bret's back, and they'll always have love for each other. It's tough for him to say goodbye to Heather, he tells us, because they really truly are great friends. She helped him out, and he thinks she rocks. Oh, sigh. One can only hope this means that the summer will bring with it Pole of Love, and it'll be all tatters all the time. Unsurprisingly, Daisy is glad that Heather's leaving.
For his remaining time in Vegas, Bret is going to spend some one-on-one time with Jessica and Daisy to get to the bottom of some unanswered questions. Jessica thinks she's done a lot to prove that she's not just the girl door, and she's hoping that he's seeing her as sexy, and the total package. Bret tells Jessica that he's worried that he'll bring her into a world of hurt. He thinks she's genuine and there for the right reasons, but he's not sure that Jessica wants his world of jaded hurt to come crashing down on her quite yet. Jessica hasn't yet discovered that the rose has a thorn, in other words. Jessica admits that she's not jaded, and Bret loves that about her. However, he still has some big concerns, and Jessica's not sure how to feel about that.
Daisy then meets with Bret. She goes to hug him and her tube top totally falls down just like that lady on The Price Is Right. I think Daisy just kept all of her pre-boob job shirts and decided that it would be super hot to squeeze her junk in there. She's bustin' out like Pure Prairie League 24-7. Bret tells us that Daisy is a bottomless pit of turmoil, before musing that maybe it's him that's messed up rather than her. Is there a "c) all of the above" option? Bret is not sure in his gut that Daisy's complete story is out there, so he asks her to tell him any other pertinent information before the elimination. Daisy flails her arms and interviews that she didn't realize that she'd have to tell her whole life story, but obviously this is what Bret wants. She tells him that she's obviously a fan of Poison. And that -- wait for it -- there was a period of time a few years back when she actually had "befriended" C.C. Deville. Yes, that C.C. Deville, the lead guitarist of Poison. Bret just stares at her and wonders, "What the fuck?" Indeed.
Bret is concerned, and asks if there was a physical relationship. Daisy says there wasn't. Which, good, because C.C. is scary even for Daisy. Bret is totally disturbed. It's really weird that she never saw fit to mention this, I have to say. He hopes that Daisy isn't just a groupie, even if she'd be the hottest groupie ever. Bret tells Daisy that he's massively physically attracted to her, but he's not quite there emotionally. He needs to think it over. Daisy then interviews that this is a lose-lose situation for her. If she tells him the truth, and what has gone on in her life, he's not going to be cool with it. Wait, there's MORE? Is this bitch for real? On the flip side, if she doesn't tell him all of her deep, dark secrets, she's screwed too. She's nervous about the impending eliminations.
Eliminations! Destiney is nervous, and has curled her hair and worn her special slutty vest to try to improve her chances. Ambre's feeling pretty good, though. Daisy is having a meltdown. But there's no need, because Bret calls her first! Get out. Daisy, like, has a seizure on her way up to Bret, then just moves her hand around and makes weird motions with her lips. She nods furiously as he tells her that everyone has a past, but he needs to know who she is, and looks like a fish on the line. I'm sorry, but she's terrifying. She seems like a nice enough person and all but, like, gah. Destiney is furious, because she thinks Daisy's a big fucking liar. She starts to tear up. Bret tells us that he knows that Daisy has a past, and that there are some unanswered questions, but he's falling in love with her, craziness and all. If this season has made one thing clear to us, it's that Bret loves a well-endowed trainwreck.
Bret calls Ambre , saying that she's strong, smart, and blunt. With tears in her eyes, she agrees to stay and rock his world. Jessica starts to get nervous, and tries to hold in her tears. Bret tells her that he loves how she's real, sincere, beautiful, and young. But he fears that her innocence and youth might be her undoing. Jessica wishes that he'd have some faith in her. Destiney, meanwhile, has a quick temper, and might throw a bottle and/or steel anvil at one of Bret's fans backstage, which is not good for business. Ultimately, wildness wins over innocence, and Destiney gets the pass. She promises us that she's gonna bring it. Bret is, like, sweating from his chin when he delivers the boot to Jessica. He thinks she needs to find a young soul like herself. I agree. Thank God she has been spared from this madness. She seems very sad. But she's young, she'll get over it, and in time this will all seem like a really, really, really, really, really, really, really bad dream. And with that, we have our final three!