Episode Report Card Sara M: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Folger's Crystals
By Sara M | Season 3 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.07.2007
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.With the giant Griffith Park fire raging outside my window, I was almost as distracted as Wilson on amphetamines while watching this episode, so I hope I caught everything. A nineteen-year-old girl starts bleeding out of her mouth during karate class and gets sent to PPTH, where House is sure that she's suffering from an infection. Then she goes into the MRI of DOOOM!! and her head explodes, and House is sure that she has some rare protein deficiency that is, of course, impossible to diagnose without sticking needles in the girl's eye and giving her a heart attack. Just when it looks like she does have the protein thing and will die in a matter of days, House realizes that her problem is just a bridge between her artery and veins made of scar tissue, the result of a suicide attempt involving kitchen cleaner and gel caps. Fun! At least, it is to House, because Wilson has been secretly been switching his regular coffee with new Folgers Crystals (now with Prozac). He notices. Wilson's coffee has a special kick to it, too -- amphetamines that House snuck in there to figure out why Wilson was yawning/make Wilson goofy and the most entertaining I've ever seen him. As for everyone else, the news of Foreman's resignation travels quickly. Chase tries to figure out why Foreman's quitting, whether he really wants to leave, and whether House really wants him to go, while Cameron shows her concern by sneaking into House's bedroom at night. A bedroom that might be getting a little crowded in the future if House continues wooing his Clinic patient's awful vegan (ex-)girlfriend. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Viewer discretion continues to be advised. Two young folks square off in a karate match. The girl is winning soundly, although that could be because the camera's multiple and rather gratuitous speed changes are throwing her male opponent off. The guy suffers a few humiliating ass-kickings until the girl throws a roundhouse kick (I guess that's what it's called; close enough) and blood suddenly comes flying off of her. She staggers, then starts punching away at the guy until the sensei finally has to step in. The girl, Addie, starts bleeding out of her mouth, and the guy says this isn't his fault since he sucks at karate too much to have even touched her.
House enters the office looking bright and cheery and even starts reading a humorous yet thought-provoking quote off his coffee cup. He gets the first two words out: "people don't --" before Cameron interrupts him and says she hasn't finished reading the case file, so House can take his coffee cup and go away until she does. I think she should be more impressed about the fact that the coffee cup House is holding clearly has no writing on it, nor is it filled with any liquid. Even a great, award-winning, perfect-American-accented actor like Hugh Laurie can't fake a full cup. By the way, the coffee cup quote is a little inside joke -- David Shore has a quote on a Starbucks cup that also starts with "people don't," although I don't remember what came after that because I stopped paying attention.
The Cottages go over Addie's file and try to figure out where that blood came from. They rule out her lungs, and House comes back in the room with his coffee cup and tries to chat with his underlings, only to be sent back out again. The Cottages then rule out the blood coming from Addie's gastrointestinal tract and are left with no place the blood could have come from. House takes their silence to mean they're stumped, and he enters the room for a third time. But he is soon interrupted by Cuddy, who calls him back into his office for a special meeting. She calls Foreman in as well. Of course, Cameron has to ask what's going on, even though it is clearly none of her business. House tells her and Chase to feel free to speculate about it amongst themselves.
In House's office, Cuddy asks Foreman if he's sure he wants to resign. Foreman says he is, and House bitterly says Foreman's reason for quitting is that he doesn't want to turn into House. Cuddy immediately sees the logic in this and has Foreman sign a form. Back in the meeting room, Chase and Cameron are totally spying and guessing that whatever's going on isn't good. Cuddy wishes Foreman luck, and House wonders where her speech about them all being a family that has to stick together is. I'm guessing it's back in the eighteenth century, when businesses were run by actual families. These days, workers are usually allowed to quit without getting a guilt trip for it. Cuddy hugs Foreman, which is kind of weird, especially since he has two weeks of work left, and the meeting is over. Foreman and House go back to the meeting room, where Chase and Cameron hurriedly turn their heads back to their files and try to look innocent. Foreman doesn't leave them in suspense for very long and announces that he quit. Chase and Cameron are shocked. House is also shocked -- having the same three employees for three years was a personal record.