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Tommy's still having visions of both Jesus and Mary Magdalene. Colleen realizes that she's the power player in her parents' relationship, and plays both Tommy and Janet like fiddles. Tommy decides that he needs to kidnap his other two kids back. Tommy and Johnny find out that their father had an affair with one woman for thirty-six years, and produced a son and a daughter. The son is a priest. Chief's wife is having an affair because she forgot she was married. Chief's son comes home to help out his father. Franco is still screwing the nurse, but also trying to tell Laura that he's falling for her, which Laura buys. Franco's also taking a lot of pills. Pa Gavin tries to follow in Teddy's footsteps by becoming a model, but he's too old and fat. Tommy continues going to AA meetings with Mick, but only to prove to Grinch that he's in recovery. The crew is disturbed by Mike's relationship with his Amazon lady after he confesses that he enjoys their relationship because she acts as a man. The whole crew has to undergo sensitivity training, instead of just Lou, with predictable results. Lou admits to Laura that he's feeling lost since his wife left him, but it doesn't really smooth things over. Tommy pops some Viagra and pays a visit to Sheila, where he discovers some tampons and figures out that she's not pregnant, but we don't get to see how he deals with it until week. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Janet is preparing lunch for her two younger children when her phone rings. It's Tommy. Janet is shocked to hear from him, and asks how he got the number. Tommy lies that Johnny got it, and asks to talk to the kids. Janet peers out the window, probably expecting to see Tommy's truck sitting outside, and then hands the phone off to Katie, who asks Tommy if he's going to come visit them again. Tommy says he doesn't know, and then asks to speak to Connor. Connor immediately asks whether Tommy found his fire helmet, and Tommy says that he did. Connor asks his father to send it, and Tommy asks to talk to Janet. Tommy asks Janet if Colleen is around, and Janet lies that she's there, but doesn't want to talk. Tommy hands the phone to Colleen, who's sitting at his kitchen table. When Colleen says hello, Janet buries her face in her hand and collapses onto the couch. Colleen hands the phone back to Tommy, who rails against Janet for keeping his daughter's disappearance from him for six days. He concludes, "I'll see you in court, bitch." Colleen asks how she performed, and Tommy tells her that she was "pitch-perfect."
Suddenly, Tommy's at work, and he runs into Franco in the locker room. Franco hands over the Viagra Tommy requested, and says that it's "the longer-lasting one," which Tommy is psyched to hear. Franco asks Tommy if he saw anyone going through his locker because Franco's "down a couple quarts, pill-wise." You can tell an addict when he knows exactly how many pills he has left at any given time. I'm the same way with cigarettes. Tommy denies knowledge, even though he's the one that took them. Franco keeps asking about it, and Tommy gets all pissed off and accuses Franco of accusing him of stealing. Which he totally did.
Tommy goes into the bathroom and immediately pops open the bottle of Viagra. Why is he taking the Viagra at work? I don't think I want to know the answer to that question. He drops one of the pills on the floor and it rolls into a stall. Said stall contains Grinch, taking a dump. Grinch asks what Tommy is taking, and Tommy lies that it's cold medicine. I would start keeping track of how many lies Tommy tells in an episode, but I don't think I can count that high. Grinch stomps his foot down on Tommy's hand to keep Tommy from leaving and attempts to bust him for lying, but Tommy wrenches his hand free and runs out of the bathroom. I am so grossed out by the floors of public restrooms, I can't even tell you. The only things that freak me out more are belly buttons.
Tommy has sex with Mary Magdalene, who's a bit of a moaner. Jesus shows up with a shotgun and says, "Just like Judas," then shoots at Tommy, who wakes up. Or sort of wakes up -- when Tommy turns, Jesus is sitting nearby, reading a magazine, and asks if Tommy was having a nightmare. The reverie is interrupted by Colleen walking into the room. Colleen explains that she's going to her old school to meet up with her friends, and then she's going over to Jen's house for the two nights. Tommy sputters for a while and then asks if she considered that he might have made plans for the two of them. Colleen asks what kind of plans, and Tommy sputters some more about plans that he might have planned. He's just about that coherent. Colleen rolls her eyes and starts to leave, and Tommy tells her that she can't just leave without his permission, especially with that outfit on. Colleen's shirt is off-the-shoulder, and has a hole in the front, revealing her lime-green bra. It's not that slutty. It's ugly, and trashy, but not slutty. Tommy orders her to change her shirt. Colleen smiles sweetly at him and says that she might just grab her bag and go back to her mother, and points out that it wouldn't help Tommy's case against Janet much if she did. Colleen gives Tommy a big grin, and walks out. Wow, she totally knows that she has Tommy's balls in a sling.
Franco calls his nurse/girlfriend/supplier and makes a sex date. And then asks her to be sure to bring some Vicodin. She points out that she just gave him two full bottles. Franco says that he lost one, or it was stolen. The nurse says that she's giving him the pills for pain, not for him to get hooked. Franco says he's not hooked on anything, except her ass. The nurse smiles and capitulates. Okay, how does someone this dumb get through nursing school? Or life in general? Franco's cute and all, but he's not THAT charming. He must be really good in bed. Or a hypnotist. Franco finishes arranging his date and hangs up, but not before Laura walks by and overhears the end of the conversation. She asks who he was talking to, and Franco lies that it was Keela. Laura chuckles and says, "Look, I'm not some sort of awful, jealous hag, but if you turn me into one, I promise I'll be your awful, jealous hag for the rest of your life." Why wouldn't Franco just break up with Laura now? And if Laura doesn't trust Franco, why doesn't she stop seeing him? If she's realizing that she wants more than casual sex, now's the time to break it off. I don't get their relationship, at all, except that I think it's going to lead to Franco's having to choose between Laura and Vicodin, and choosing Vicodin, which will lead to his hitting rock bottom and realizing that he's an addict.
Grinch calls Former Father Mick and introduces himself as Tommy's boss. That's the whole scene.
Mike lifts weights while Garrity watches. Garrity asks Mike if he's "over the fat chick," and Mike says that he totally is, now that he's dating Alison. Garrity states the obvious about Alison: "She's gigantic." Mike agrees that she's tall. Garrity says that Shaq and "Yo Yo Ming" are both tall, but not Alison. Franco walks by and says that it's "Yao Ming." Garrity goes back to the topic at hand, and says that Mike's chick is gigantic. Franco thinks they're still talking about "the fat chick," but Garrity explains that Mike is dating a vet. Franco asks which war she was in. Garrity explains that he means like "cats and dogs." Mike explains that Alison is only six-two. Jesus. That is gigantic. Franco asks if Mike is only dating chicks that belong in the Guinness Book now, and suggests that , Mike might date a chick with three tits. Garrity groans and says that would be AWESOME. Garrity says he once dated a girl he thought had three nipples, but it turned out that the third nipple was a boil. Mike and Franco both look grossed out. Beat. Beat. Garrity says that an extra tit would be great. Franco asks Mike why he's attracted to Alison. Mike says he was freaked out at first, but that he can't really explain what he likes about her, or he's too embarrassed to say it. Franco encourages him, and Mike says that usually the guy is bigger and in charge, but with Alison, he doesn't have to be the man all the time. Why would he say that out loud? Has he met these guys? Garrity asks if Mike likes being the girl, and calls him a freak. Franco says, "You're amazing, Mike. Only you could turn a relationship with a woman into a gay experience. Keep up the good work, buddy." Franco and Garrity leave, disgusted.
Tommy walks into the firehouse just as his phone is ringing. It's Mick, so Tommy tells Mike to get out. Mick tells Tommy that he heard from Grinch, who asked him to keep an eye on Tommy, and to inform Grinch immediately if Tommy screws up. Tommy can't believe how badly Grinch wants to get rid of him. Mick points out that if Grinch called Mick, he's probably also got other guys keeping an eye on Tommy. Mick adds that Grinch probably even has guys following Tommy into meetings. Mick suggests that they start going to as many meetings as possible, and Tommy agrees that it would be a great cover. Mick kind of rolls his eyes, unsurprised that Tommy thinks of meetings as a cover instead of a necessary component of his recovery. I think Grinch and Mick cooked up this whole scheme to keep Tommy going to meetings, personally.
Laura gingerly walks up to Lou, who is doing some sort of inventory, and asks if he needs help. Lou is silent. Laura says she thought they could act like adults, and Lou doesn't respond. Laura stands there for a moment and then says that she didn't want to file a grievance, and that she asked Lou twice to apologize. She concludes, "I'm not afraid of you, Lou." Lou quickly turns and gets right in her face, and Laura screams and jumps a foot. That would have been a lot funnier if they hadn't spoiled it in the preview. Lou calmly returns to his work, and Laura walks away.
Tommy and Johnny stand outside the house and discuss Tommy's custody issues. Johnny thinks Tommy should use the courts to get his other kids back, but Tommy thinks he should just kidnap them, because the courts always side with the mother. Which isn't really true, but then again, I don't know that any court would side with Tommy, even if he were the mother. Tommy plans to make the other kids say that they ran away too, and thinks he can bribe them into doing so. Johnny thinks that's a terrible idea, and says so, but he's interrupted by a priest who walks up to the brothers. The priest asks for Tommy and introduces himself as Liam Murphy, explaining that he was there the other day. Tommy and Johnny shake Liam's hand, and Liam hesitantly says that he doesn't want to be disruptive or embarrass them, but that Johnny and Tommy are his brothers. Tommy asks if he means "brothers in Christ," but Liam explains that they share the same father, and pulls out a photo. Tommy and Johnny think that someone is putting them on. Liam says that Pa Gavin had an affair with Liam's mother for thirty years, and pulls out another photo of Pa Gavin with his mother from thirty years earlier. Tommy looks at the photo and says, "Sweet chocolate Christ! That's Dad!" Johnny exclaims, "What an asshole!" and Tommy adds, "Son of a bitch! Sorry about the language, Father." Liam tells them it's fine, and suggests that they add "shithead" to the description. Tommy looks at Liam appraisingly, and then nods and says, "Welcome to the family." Johnny adds, "Father." Dean Winters was hilarious in this scene. And he wasn't even eating anything!
Tommy and Johnny pay a visit to Pa Gavin in the House of A Thousand Cats. Johnny asks if their mother knew about the affair, and Pa says that if she did, Pa would be "dead in a river somewhere with [his] balls in [his] mouth." That's a pleasant picture. Tommy asks how long Pa was seeing the lady, and Pa says that it was about thirty-six years. Johnny starts yelling, and Pa says that "when it comes to adultery, [he's] a one-woman man." Johnny asks if Pa and Liam's mother are still together, and Pa says that it's been over for ten years, because she got too clingy. After thirty-six years, she suddenly got too clingy? Pa adds that he would see this woman twice a month and sometimes gave her money. Johnny seizes on that, and goes on a rant about how their family was scraping by, and he only got a crappy sled for Christmas one year, and meanwhile, Pa was supporting another family. Tommy hops in and says that Pa told him the sled was his, and that Johnny only got a lump of coal that year, so Tommy should let Johnny pretend the sled was his. Pa tells them to count their blessings, because one year when he was a kid, his sisters got a box of tampons, and they were psyched. Tommy and Johnny have clearly heard this story before, and don't care to hear it again. ["They had tampons when Pa Gavin was a kid? Dude is old!" -- Wing Chun] Pa doesn't want his current wife to know about the affair. Johnny thinks their mother is not spinning in her grave because she probably got "up and out of it and is on her way over as [they] speak."
Tommy, who has been pacing the whole time, finally sits down and asks the million-dollar question: "Jesus, Dad. Why?" Johnny is anxious to hear the "trumped-up, half-baked justification" Pa will pull out of his ass. Pa says, "I needed sex." Tommy and Johnny look disgusted. Pa says that his wife was a strict Roman Catholic and thought sex was for procreation only. Tommy asks if there's anything else Pa needs to tell them about. Pa says no, so the boys start to walk out. But then, Pa remembers that Father Liam has a sister, Pa's daughter. Tommy grits his teeth and asks if Pa is talking about a nun, but Pa says that the girl worked at a Dairy Queen. Johnny points out that both of their other sisters worked in fast food at one time, and Tommy guesses that it must be genetic. So there are two more Gavins? I think that brings the total siblings to five (Tommy, Johnny, Timo, and two sisters) plus now the two half-siblings. Damn. Pa Gavin's swimmers were working overtime. Pa tells his boys that he was young and weak, and that the woman he had the affair with "had an ass that you could see the future in." Johnny starts to leave, but Tommy can't resist one last barb: "You didn't happen to stick your head in far enough to see that the Yankees were gonna lose four in a row to the Red Sox last fall, didja?" I feel like that was a line that Denis Leary, a Boston native, has tried to get into the show all season. Johnny and Tommy walk out as the Thousand Cats continue to meow.
Pa and Teddy pull up to the curb somewhere in the city and Teddy tells Pa to prepare to feast his eyes. They get out of the car and Teddy directs Pa's gaze to a billboard on a nearby building that features Teddy's big mug. Pa's reaction: "You gotta get me a meeting with your agent!"
Chief arrives home and calls out for Jeannie, who doesn't answer. Chief hears voices coming from upstairs, and heads up there. He walks into his bedroom and finds Jeannie in bed with another man. Jeannie thinks Chief is her brother, Bud. Chief immediately pulls the other man out of the bed and starts beating the crap out of him. Once Chief has tossed the guy bodily from the bedroom, all he can do is turn and say with equal amounts anger, sadness, and fear, "Goddammit, Jeannie! Goddammit!" Jeannie is crying as she confesses that the man was sweet to her and told her she was pretty. She tells "Bud" not to ruin things. I have (luckily) not personally had to deal with Alzheimer's patients, but it seems kind of weird that Jeannie's condition seems to be making her dumb. Like, I could buy that she might forget she was married, but the line "he told me I was pretty" belongs in a movie like The Other Sister.
Franco makes out with his nurse, and she suggests that they move to the bedroom. Franco says that they can't, because Keela is in there. Franco's door buzzer rings, but he blows it off, until it rings again, more insistently. If a buzzer can be said to ring insistently. Franco excuses himself and hits the buzzer. It's Laura, and she wants to come up. She explains that she was shopping and she bought some of the natural peanut butter Keela likes. Franco says he'll be right down, and tells the nurse that it's his sister, Consuela. I don't know why he wouldn't say it was his babysitter or something. The nurse looks annoyed.
Franco walks downstairs, where Laura is waiting, looking pissed. And you know how annoying and condescending it is when someone tells you that you're beautiful when you're angry? I apologize in advance for saying that Laura is beautiful when she's angry. She just looks really good in this scene. Franco comes out and kisses her on the cheek, saying that it's a nice surprise to see her. He lies that Keela is coming down with something, and that if Franco and Laura both got sick, it would look suspicious at work. Laura looks at him for a minute, trying to gauge whether he actually thought she would buy that, and then says, "This is sooooo not working. Goodbye!" Franco stops her and asks what's wrong. Laura says that she knows that Franco has a girl upstairs, because he's "a great lay and a shit liar." She angrily tells him to take the peanut butter and spread it all over the chick upstairs. Franco stops her and says that their relationship is unlike any he's ever had, and that while he's not saying that it's love, he thinks it could be, and he wants it to be. Laura softens a bit at that admission. Franco says that he has to tie up some loose ends in his life and...this was the perfect spot for him to admit that there was someone upstairs, but that he's in the process of telling her they can't see each other anymore. Instead, Franco says that there's no one upstairs but him and Keela. Franco concludes, "If we don't have trust, Laura, we don't have anything." He invites her to come upstairs and check for herself if she doesn't trust him. Laura starts to walk inside, and Franco gets a panicked look on her face. Laura stops and tells Franco that he's important to her, and that she didn't mean for this to happen, because it's making her scared, and jealous, and stupid. She walks away without going upstairs.
Chief calls his gay son, Pete. He says that Jeannie isn't doing well. Chief knows that it's his fault that his relationship with his son sucks, but that he needs Pete's help, because he can't take care of Jeannie alone. He begs Pete to call him, and then hangs up.
Tommy and Johnny talk in an outdoor restaurant. Tommy says that he's definitely going to kidnap his kids back. Johnny refuses even to hear this, and pretends that Tommy isn't even talking. Tommy wonders what the big deal is. Johnny says, and I quote because it is awesome, "You gotta do something completely foreign now, Tommy. You gotta think. We just found out that our father had been banging some strange broad for thirty-plus years. And now? Now we got a priest brother, and we got a former DQ employee for a sister, both floating around the city somewhere. And now, our old man, our father, is living on Park Avenue, banging Yoko Ono's grandmother. Not to mention the you-knocking-up- our-dead-cousin's-wife thing. This is our family in a nutshell. Do you really want to bring your kids back into this? Huh? You gotta think. Huh? Think." The only things that could have improved that speech is if the other patrons had burst into "Think" by Aretha Franklin like in The Blues Brothers. Tommy just picks up his coffee and goes, "Jeeeeeeeez."
While on a call, Garrity and Franco talk to a hot chick outside. It seems the hot chick was watching her friend's apartment when a fire started. Garrity notices that the hot chick is looking at Franco more than she is at Garrity, so he starts bragging about how much he works out. Lou shows up and asks the hot chick if she's in the habit of burning candles. The chick says she's trying to be a Buddhist, and caught her curtains on fire and panicked. Lou comments that they don't get many panicked Buddhists, and then asks Franco to start helping pack up. Franco tells Garrity to do it. They bicker about it for a while, until Mike comes out and says that Laura needs Franco upstairs. She was looking out the window and decided that she needed his help. Franco gets the message and takes off. Laura's lucky Garrity and Mike are so dumb; anyone else would have picked up on that.
Teddy stands on the street in front of his billboard and tries to get women to notice that he's the model. One woman notices and stops to ask if that's really him. They start flirting.
Tommy goes to a meeting, but this time he pretends that his name is Fred. Mick watches from the audience. Tommy tells a short tale about a time he wanted to drink but didn't, trying to establish a cover in case Grinch is spying on him. When he sits down to Mick, a pretty lady starts up a conversation. The guy from the meeting last week is sitting in front of them, and he turns around and says that he thought Tommy's name was Bob, and that he was a plumber. Tommy says that was his twin brother, since addiction is genetic. They all pause in their conversation to greet the speaker: "Hi, Paul." And then they immediately go back to their whispered conversation. Tommy tells the pretty lady that he's a brain surgeon, and makes Mick switch seats so that he can talk to the pretty lady, whose name is Molly.
Pa Gavin calls Teddy from the lobby of his modeling agent, and asks if it's normal to wait fifteen minutes. Teddy, sitting in his car, says it's normal and that Pa should be himself. Teddy quickly gets off the phone. Pa walks into the agent's office and introduces himself, but before he can say much, the agent dismisses him. Meanwhile, Teddy's new lady friend from earlier finishes servicing him orally and sits up. Teddy asks if she wants to get a cup of coffee, and the woman says that what she needs is a hundred bucks. Teddy is shocked, and the woman gets nasty and says her name is Frank. Teddy ponies up the cash.
Tommy and Mick leave the meeting, and Tommy grills Mick on whether there were any spies in the crowd. Mick says he didn't have time to check, because Tommy barely spoke his turn, and adds that Tommy doesn't seem to be getting the message. Tommy claims that he is, and that the message is, "Don't drink." Well, he's not wrong. Mick thinks Tommy only quit drinking so that he could get his job back and win his court case against Janet, and asks what will happen in a year, when Tommy runs out of fake names. Tommy responds, "One day at a time, brother. One day at a time." I am really starting to wish this show had musical numbers, because then Tommy could have started singing the theme song to One Day at a Time. Which, in unrelated news, I randomly started singing in the shower the other day.
Pa Gavin is castigating Teddy for his agent's lack of interest. Teddy explains that's how the business works. Pa wants to know exactly what the agent said, and Teddy admits that the agent thought Pa was too old and fat. Like Teddy is young and slim. Pa is upset, and Teddy tells the story of the woman who gave him a blowjob and then turned out to be a male prostitute. Pa has nothing to say to that.
Chief pours himself some coffee at home as Pete walks in the back door. Chief says that he's glad to see him, and asks how long he can stay. Pete says that he can stay for a few weeks, and asks how his mother's doing. Chief says that it might be rough, but that she's better in the early part of the day, although you never know what to expect. Pete can't believe his father didn't keep him in the loop. Chief yells that he's had his hands full, and that Jeannie wanders off, gets lost, and leaves the stove on. He leaves out the part where she sleeps with other men. Pete apologizes, and Chief gets ready to leave for work. They decide to talk the day and make a plan. Jeannie comes into the room and greets her son happily. Pete says he got some time off, and thought he would come visit. Pete is clearly wondering what kind of crack his father is smoking, since Jeannie seems fine. Until Jeannie refers to her husband as "Bud" again. Chief yells that he's her husband of thirty-one years, and that she doesn't remember his name, while she remembers Pete immediately. Chief stomps out. I think maybe they should go see a doctor, not because there's anything they can do for Jeannie, but because it might help them better learn how to deal with her problems.
Grinch walks into the house and calls Tommy "Fred." Tommy gets all paranoid and Grinch denies doing it, and wonders why Tommy would even think that. Grinch suggests that Tommy is getting "wet brain," or that he might be taking too much cold medicine. Tommy says he doesn't think so, and they get right in each other's faces, until Grinch leaves.
Lou and Franco are interrogating Mike as to exactly what he meant when he said that he doesn't mind being the woman in his relationship. Lou asks if, when Mike closes his eyes "either under [his] own power or due to vertigo," he imagines that Alison is the man. Mike doesn't answer immediately, and Franco and Lou think that tells them what they need to know. Mike says it's hard to explain. Garrity walks in and Franco and Lou report that Mike might be gay -- or, Franco adds, "gay-ish." Lou thinks he knows the chick Garrity was talking to after the fire, and Garrity says it might be from Lou's dream. Lou says his dreams are full of "Candice Bergen, a chocolate wheelchair, and the Olsen Twins." Chocolate, I totally get, but why is it in the shape of a wheelchair? Chief says he's had the same dream, but that it involves Carly Simon and a big tub of chunky peanut butter. Tommy asks why the peanut butter is chunky, and Chief says, "Better traction." Lou is still insisting that he knows Garrity's girlfriend, but they are interrupted when a guy from headquarters comes in and orders Chief to gather his crew and close the house for the rest of the day. Chief is angry, and the guy explains that a grievance has been filed against a member of the house, and that the person opted to take sensitivity training. Lou says that he opted to take it, not the whole crew. The guy from HQ says it doesn't work that way. The guys slink out in a sulk.
The crew meets up in a classroom, where they are told that the class will last eight hours. They all sigh and roll their eyes. The instructor, Don, stands up and says that he knows they don't want to be there. Franco points out that their neighborhood is short a rig, so they're upset. Don asks how many of them would identify themselves as prejudiced. No one raises a hand at first, which fits right into Don's plan, and he charges ahead with his point about how no one thinks that he or she is prejudiced.
But Don's point is ruined when Tommy raises a hand. Don asks whom Tommy thinks he's prejudiced against. Tommy lists off, "Chevy Neons that cost twelve grand to buy but have eight-thousand-dollar paint jobs and nine spics inside smoking weed. That's one thing." Don interrupts to try to object to the term "spic," but Franco says it's okay, since he is one. Tommy continues, "Crazy Chink broads who don't know how to drive in the first place and now they got cell phones stuck to their ears while they're doing sixty-five miles an hour down Sixth Avenue. The crazy Chinks on bikes with ten pounds of Chinese food strapped to the handlebars." Don interrupts again to say that "Chink" is a problem word. Garrity raises his hand and says that he'd rather be called a Chink than a Gook. Don tries to list off all the terms that are offensive to the Chinese, but Franco interrupts to say that spics get ripped off when it comes to racial slurs, because they only have one. Franco lists off a number of slurs for Irish people, and Italians as well, with help from the crew. Tommy lists off some for Jewish people, and the whole crew chimes in with slurs for black people. Don is stunned at the litany of slurs being tossed around, and says that he wants them to watch a video. They really need David Brent to come in and facilitate this thing. With his guitar.
Don starts the video, which features a clueless white guy making inadvertent racially charged remarks to a number of minorities. Specifically, he thinks a black guy must watch sports, and refers to Asians as "you people." In the end, everyone is friends again, and the white guy hangs out with the black guy, the Asian woman, and a Jewish guy wearing a yarmulke and eating a bagel. When the video ends, Don asks what they learned. Tommy supplies, "Only white people can be racist?" Don says that's not the point, and Tommy lists off a number of racial groups that hate each other. Laura laughs with everyone else. Tommy adds that the only reason they're there is because someone on their crew called someone else a name. Lou says it was "twat," and Laura's mouth gets all tight. Tommy stands up and says that this whole thing is just to cover the bureaucrats' asses, so that if a disgruntled female firefighter files a suit, they can claims that the crew couldn't have done it, because they took sensitivity training. Laura looks uncomfortable and Franco glances at her, wondering if he should defend her, or if that would just cause more problems. Tommy concludes, "time I run into a burning building and refuse to bring out someone who's the same color as me, that's when you can bring my angry, sober, pink, Irish ass back down here." Tommy says he's going out for a smoke and walks out. And he's got a point, and then again, he really doesn't, but that's why I like this show. Don sends everyone out on a break.
Lou stands outside, smoking. Laura stands a few feet away. Lou asks if she's happy, and Laura says it's not her fault, because she didn't lose her temper and shoot her mouth off. Lou says she doesn't get it. Laura says she gets that Lou hates her. Lou says that he doesn't know who he is anymore. He was married and thought he would be until he got burned up or died from his wife's constant talking about bullshit. He explains that his wife would talk about commercials, what she ate that day, or how some colors are more healing than others. Lou says that now that he's unmarried, his life just jumped the tracks. He feels like he's living someone else's life. He thinks the rest of the crew members are younger and have more options. If firefighting didn't work out, Laura could get married, bake cakes, or open a dress shop. Interesting that he thinks that (a) that's all Laura could do if she wasn't a firefighter and (b) that she would be remotely interested in any of those things. Lou concludes, "I got no dress shop. I got no future. This [gestures to FDNY shirt] is all I got. It's all I am. Don't make me change how I do it, Laura. One more change and I think I'm done." Laura turns to him and says she'll take that as an apology. Lou tells her that he wishes she wouldn't. Laura rolls her eyes and walks away. Look, I feel bad for Lou and all, but he's being a cock about this.
Franco uses his break time to walk a distance away so he can sneak a Vicodin. He has trouble removing the cap, and drops the bottle into a storm grate. He bends down and scoops up as many pills as he can, popping one immediately from the ground. Yuck.
Tommy stands looking out at the harbor. Mary Magdalene walks up and says that she likes him, and thinks he should go with his gut and go get his kids, since they're the most important thing in his life. Mary adds that she never had kids because her husband was too busy. She chuckles that he didn't have a job the entire time she knew him, and yet she was too busy to have kids. Tommy is surprised to hear they were married, and Mary says it was common-law, because they were shacking up for two thousand years. She says that Jesus' mother doesn't see it that way, but that she claimed she was still a virgin. Heh. Jesus pulls up in a yellow Lamborghini (I think) and peeks at Tommy over his shades. Mary asks Tommy if he loves his wife. Tommy does. Mary asks if his wife loves him, and Tommy says he doesn't know. Mary says that life's too short, and that Sheila doesn't love Tommy, but that she loves being with him, which is all he has right now. Mary tells Tommy to make Sheila happy, and to make himself happy. Mary hops in the car with Jesus, and as he pulls away, you see a bumper sticker that says, "Now You Know What I Drive." Jesus peels out.
Sheila walks into her house and digs through her grocery bags. Tommy sneaks up behind her and Sheila screams loudly and slaps him. Tommy says he wanted to surprise her, and kisses her. Tommy says they don't need booze tonight, obviously referring to his Viagra-induced boner. Sheila worries about Damien, but Tommy says he sent Damien out. Then Tommy and Sheila have a lot of sex in a lot of different rooms and a lot of different positions. Sheila starts out enjoying it, but is soon kind of like, "Still going?" Eventually, she starts saying ouch with each thrust and tells Tommy, "Friction! Ever heard of it?" She asks what's going on, and Tommy says that he thought she wanted a good time. Sheila accuses him of being on "cock pills." Tommy points out that last week she wanted him to drink, and now he has a natural hard-on and she's still not happy. Sheila is overjoyed that he's that turned on by her. Tommy wants to start up again, but Sheila is still sore. She suggests that Tommy go out to the car and get the rest of her groceries, and when he returns, she'll give him "the best blowjob [he's] ever had." Tommy readily agrees.
Tommy goes outside to the car, buttoning up his pants on the way. He notices a box of tampons inside the grocery bag and stares at it, confused. He uses his cell phone to call Molly, the pretty lady from AA, and says that it's Dr. Fred, and he has kind of a strange question: "Let's say a woman is four months pregnant. Would she have any need to use tampons?" Molly asks if he's really a doctor, and Tommy says that he's a brain doctor, not a vagina doctor. Molly tells him a pregnant woman wouldn't need tampons, and Tommy quickly hangs up and heads back into the house. I am quite nervous about what's going to happen in there, but we have to wait until week to find out.