We pick up right where we left off: at The Bench, as always. Tony and another demon watching as a third prepares a test of Sam's possible Satanic paternity. The test? Drop a washing machine on him, and see if he uses his "evil powers" to protect himself. It's about as sophisticated as strapping rocks on the ladies of Salem. Sam strides through The Bench, unknowing, until a minion pushes the washer off a shelf. Sam flinches as it plunges, then miraculously freezes in mid-air, letting Sam back away before it falls. Sam looks around, scared and confused, while Tony gives a "That sucks" face, and his demon friend waxes philosophic about how Sam will bring about the destruction of human civilization. Ever-enterprising Sam puts a "1/2 Off!" sign on the busted washing machine, prompting the demon to say, "Oh, he is evil like nothing before."
Later, Andi and JBL join Sam as he stares at a stain on The Bench's ceiling. He claims it resembles Steve. They're interrupted by Ben's less-than-triumphant return from the chokey. Apparently his Stooge soul mates forgot to pick him up. But, for his troubles, Ben has a snazzy new suit -- a gift from an attempted murderer. Natch, JBL wants to try it on, but Ben's still pissy about being abandoned after only eight days away from his buddies. Sam paints over the Steve-like stain, then takes off for a break.
He heads home to 666 with a basket of dirty laundry, only to spy his parents fighting outside. He heads out to ask Dad what's going on, but Dad brushes it off. Given Sam's general impotence, unabashed avoidance would usually work, except there's a blatant chalk circle around Dad, plus dust all over his hands and pants. Busted! Dad carries on playing dumb, leaving Sam befuddled.
Some time later, Sam heads outside to deposit his laundry in his car. Upon closing the trunk, he's transported to a rendezvous with WiseGuy, who's standing in line for the lottery -- or, as he calls it, the "idiot tax"; he claims he invented it. Sam decides to probe into how WiseGuy met Dad. WiseGuy asks Sam what he knows. Sam rehashes the story, and WiseGuy says his parents have no reason to lie. This sparks Sam's suspicion. WiseGuy issues a caveat that people who do dealings with him tend to have low integrity. He then segues to this week's soul, Madame Ozera, an early-1900s Tarot reader. She was truly psychic but was eventually strung up by the locals for her association with The Devil.
Over at The Bench, Josie startles a sleeping JBL. She's miffed he bailed on a lunch date and accuses him of being a bad boyfriend. He rebuts that relationships should be effortless, adding that, if being her boyfriend is going to be a job, well...he quits! She Trumps him, "You're fired!" and stomps off. Over at the register, Sam counts cash. Suddenly, he spots a specter that looks like Steve on the security monitor. He looks up, no Steve. He looks down, there's Steve again. Spooky!
Sam and JBL are back at the stain, and the oily visage of Steve has returned, despite two coats of paint. Conveniently, Tony appears; Sam asks what he thinks the spot looks like, but Tony doesn't say "Steve." He does, however, ask Sam to step aside for a private chat. They head into a circular tent, which doesn't quite have enough room for JBL's ample ass, but he joins anyway. Tony unravels a parchment -- the demon rebels' latest plan. They want to use an ages-old cage to trap WiseGuy. Sam reminds Tony how poorly the last rebellion went and says he doesn't want to be involved. Tony assures him all they want from him is his employee discount.
As they finish loading supplies, JBL zeroes in on a horny (literally) demon girl. He tells he's all about damning The Man, invoking Erin Brockovich. She giggles, so he offers grab the rest of her items. He gives her forehead horns a flirty little tap and heads inside. We find him rummaging around in the back of a big-rig. She saunters in after him. All of a sudden, two and two come together -- the first "two" being that JBL has absolutely no game, and the second being that this is one bangin' broad -- and it becomes obvious that his pas de duh partner must have something wrong with her. She commands him to kiss her, but he says he has a girlfriend. She insists and suddenly she's in full-on face-suck mode. Literally. As she kisses him, she steals his breath, and he passes out. Briefly thereafter, Ben finds JBL laid out in the truck. He asks where "Marlena," the hot demon chick went. JBL says he feels invigorated and demonstrates this by picking up a backyard grill. He starts to tell about his romp with Marlena, but instead opts to go "blast [his] tri's."
Inside, Andi hands Sam a newspaper with palm reader ads. She thinks it will help him find Madame Ozera. He tries to pawn the research off on her, to no avail. As she walks off, he tells her he saw Steve on the security monitor. He knows he sounds nuts, but she's inclined to believe after all the supernatural eye openers she's had in the last few weeks. She tells him to ask Steve why he's back time they see each other. She heads off, and Sam scans some merchandise, including what turns out to be this week's vessel, and....it's a baseball.
He picks up the vessel and is transported to a baseball diamond. Didn't we already do this, like 10 episodes ago? Maybe Sam will finally take the chance to wallop WiseGuy in the crotch. To really hammer home the "WiseGuy is Sam's dad" plot extravaganza, they play a game of catch. WiseGuy asks for a progress report on the rebellion, and Sam lies that the demons have given up. WiseGuy offers to teach Sam how to throw a curve ball, which is thinly veiled excuse to crush Sam's hand so he'll squeal on Tony. Which happens about as quickly as you expect. If not sooner... WiseGuy smugs over the demons' idiotic cage plan and offers to buy Sam a beer to celebrate his omnipotence.
The camera pans out over the baseball diamond, then dissolves into the demons' circular worksite. Tony's friend from earlier says the cage will never hold WiseGuy, but Tony's one step ahead. He actually wants it to use it to capture Sam and is confident that Sam won't know how to use his powers to escape. He says the cage will "bind the black soul of the son of The Devil for all eternity." Commercials.
Back at The Bench, JBL is wiped out from his adrenaline rampage. Andi announced she's narrowed down the soul search to four fortune tellers. Sam and JBL immediately pick the hottest one to stake out. Andi's annoyed her hard work has been outdone by their little heads, but they have to start somewhere. Sam heads into the break room to clock out.
Inside, he's greeted by Steve, all decked out in a white suit, complete with a murse. Steve recommends that Sam "ask about Cancun," then disappears as JBL barges in. Sam insists he saw Steve, but JBL is too busy throwing himself into a tizzy about lumber (yeah, I don't know either...). They head over to the worksite, where JBL loopily lumbers around until he finds Marlena.
They head into her car for privacy, and she apologizes for kissing him. He tells her about the odd side effect, so she admits that she's a Succubus. This means that, every time they kiss, it shaves a year off his life. He tries to see the silver lining that it's probably the later, crappier years, but they resolve that it should never happen again. Then they renege and decide to hook up just once a year, starting with New Year's Eve. When they realize New Year's is seven months away, they look a little dispirited.
Elsewhere, Sam tells Tony about seeing Steve. Tony's pissed that Steve appeared to Sam instead of him. Sam wonders if Steve got back into Heaven, but Tony insists God's forgiveness doesn't cover demons. He apologizes for being gruff and walks off, but Sam reveals he leaked their plan to WiseGuy. Tony admits the demons have been lying to Sam to protect him and ominously assures him that "things are going exactly as planned." JBL comes back lugging a wooden beam that must weigh several hundred pounds. So much for New Year's...
The Stooges pull up to the Fortune Teller's place, and JBL is wired like a kid on Pixy Stix. The sexy psychic comes out and invites them in one at a time. Sam goes in first. She doles out his Tarot cards. First card: The Emperor, symbolizing conflict with his father. Second: The Ace of Swords, which usually means integrity but is inverted, signifying deceit. She says a lie has come between Sam and his father. Sam asks what kind of lie, so she flips over the card: Death. It's also inverted, so the lie is about his birth. card: The Devil -- He obscures the truth between Sam and his father. Sam asks what the truth is, so she flips over the card: The Devil again. She gets a perplexed look on her face, and even Sam realizes there shouldn't be more then one Devil in the deck. She keeps flipping them over, and they're all Devils. He asks her what it means, and she says she's on to him, then flips over one last card: The Hanged Man. Sam clutches his throat as his body is yanked upward. Commercials.
Still hanging after the break, Sam drops the baseball vessel, which rolls toward JBL. He busts in and saves Sam, but the invisible noose still chokes Sam's neck, so JBL has to hike him up on his shoulders like they're playing chicken at a pool party. They run outside as the soul peels out in her PT Cruiser, and, still playing chicken, they run down the street in the least threatening pursuant positioning ever. Sam picks up on JBL's sudden burst of strength and agility. JBL starts to describe his Succubus sweetie but is interrupted when the soul turns her car on them. Just as it nearly hits them, Sam grabs onto a telephone wire, and JBL bails. As Sam dangles, JBL takes the baseball out of his pocket and hurls it at the PT. Thanks to his Succubal strength, it blasts through the rear window, finishing the reap. No longer noosed, Sam can drop and celebrate with JBL.
Back at The Bench, JBL tries to regale Ben with his heroism, but Ben suspects JBL's on drugs. He threatens to tell JBL's mom, forcing JBL to reveal Marlena's mystical make-out powers. Ben doesn't quite grasp how amazing Marlena's kiss is, so JBL compares it to the pleasure wearing his bike pants -- times 20! (Maybe I'd get that better if I had boy parts...) In a move that is not a little creepy, Ben says he wants a taste.
Cue to The Bench food court. Marlena has come to meet JBL. Ben joins their tête-à-tête and full-on leers until Marlena asks what's going on. At which point JBL basically propositions her for a threesome. Classy. And the look in Ben's eyes is so hopeful. It's pathetic. He even offers to pay. So now she's a slut and a whore. It's a good day to be a girl in Stooge-land. Needless to say, Marlena makes a quick exit.
Night falls on 666, and Sam walks in to confront Dad. As ever, Dad tries to act breezy, but Sam recaps his visit to the Fortune Teller. Dad persists in avoiding, so Sam really lays it down. He blames his parents for putting his life in risk and says he wants the truth. Dad's façade breaks a bit, and he admits there's something he wants he could tell Sam, but doing so would cause their world to collapse. They both lament the situation. Walking out, Sam gets a call from Tony, who invites Sam to the site, then looks at his demon pal conspiratorially.
Over at the site, Tony shows Sam a big hole in the ground. I'm sure Sam's really happy he rushed out to the middle of nowhere for this! He immediately starts unloading about Dad to Tony, who gets a bleak look on his face and says, "Yeah, we know," then shoves Sam into the hole and slams down the cage door. Sam screams at Tony, who reveals that Sam is the son of Satan. It's news to Sam, so he's utterly confused and disbelieving. Tony continues to drop bombshells about Sam's powers, the pages ripped out of the contract...and the list goes on.
Tony tells a demon to fill up the cage, then walks off as the piler revs up. Dad suddenly drives up and promises to straighten everything out. The demons look at him quizzically, eventually throwing him into the cage with Sam. Sam changes tack, trying to justify that he can't be evil since Steve has appeared to him to protect him. Tony throws it in Sam's face that Sam's the reason Steve died. He says again emphatically, "Fill it up!" And the piler moves in closer.
In a last-ditch effort, Sam screams out that Steve told him to ask Tony about Cancun. Tony gets misty-eyed while reminiscing that they took their first vacation to Cancun. He says, "We called it...Heaven." Strains of angelic music start to play and that pesky Sam Wheat finally stops bugging Oda Mae Brown to get in touch with Molly. Oh wait, that's Ghost. Same visual effects, different plot. So it's not Patrick Swayze, but Steve, who appears enshrouded in white light. Tony asks whether he made it to Heaven, and Steve responds that it's even better than Cancun. Tony suddenly realizes, "We can't do this." Meanwhile, dirt is dropping down on Sam and Dad. Tony, in full demon mode, rips open the cage, grabs Sam, and flies out. Just one hitch -- he leaves Dad to be buried alive. Commercials.
Dirt-covered Sam walks drearily into 666, where Mom is having a quiet night in. She sees the look on Sam's face, though, and it's au revoir harlequin romance. After a brief ellipsis, Sam has clearly told her the full story, so Mom asks if he's called the police. She tells him not to since explaining his father's live burial in a symbol-covered underground cage might prove tricky. She heartlessly encourages Sam to leave Dad dirt-bound for eternity. Then she coldly asks him to show her the site so she can lay down flowers.
Later, Sam heads outside, where WiseGuy is waiting by the Prius to pay his respects, but Sam shrugs him off, WiseGuy tells him to take some time off, and Sam accepts. As WiseGuy leaves, Sam demands a straight answer and almost asks him whether he's his dad. WiseGuy makes no promises, justifying that he's The Devil, and honesty's not his forte. Sam admits defeat, and WiseGuy smugs off into the night.
At the bar, Andi consoles Sam until The Stooges come to whisk Sam away. Cut to The Bench parking lot, where they have constructed a massive straw man to explode. Before the merry making, though, Sam tells them about the "Satan's my dad, and I'm destined to destroy the world" thing. JBL comforts Sam by telling him that, since he sucks at everything, he probably won't very good at Armageddon either. Ben chips in to ask why Tony saved him. Sam tells them about Tony's change of heart but is positive that more demons will follow suit and try to kill him. Sam says he understands if The Stooges drop his doomed ass.
JBL curtails the general contemplation of world destruction, in favor of a specific act of destruction -- that involving the giant straw man. They let the sucker rip; it's a pretty spectacular display and probably cost about 73% of the show's post-Strike budget. Colorful swirling lights shoot every which way, sparkling lights fills the sky, and The Stooges look happier than they have in a long time.
Over at the worksite, Mom digs Dad out of his grave. He deadpans, "What took you so long?" And it's official. Whether his dad's The Dark One himself or just a run-of-the-mill demon, Sam's totally toast. Happy summer reaping, gang!