We open at the hospital as a doctor evaluates a concussed Andi. He asks if she has had any hallucinations. This trips her up since she's been systematically lied to by her would-be boyfriend about the things she sees. The good doc says these mirages are standard with head trauma, gives her some pills, and sends her on her merry way. As he walks out, he pauses, stoops down, and picks up a piece of paper with a troubled expression, saying, "Nobody likes a litterbug." If this were Buffy, that would be an auspice of demonic activity. Does Reaper hold up to that gold standard?
Nope. The doc encounters The Stooges, and we discover that he's no doctor at all, but rather a janitor The Stooges hired to forestall Andi's suspicions. And the so-called "brain pills"? Peppermint Tic Tacs. JBL says that peppermint "is for jerks." So I assume it's his favorite flavor. That business dispensed of, the "doctor" heads off to clean the men's room. And there goes my demon theory. Years of Buffy devotion down the drain! No pun intended.
We move to The Stooges apartment. A deliveryman drops off a case of international beers. Apparently they've been getting all sorts of free stuff from the owner, who never changed the address details on his/her "Things The Stooges Can Swipe of the Month Club," which includes the aforementioned beers, various exotic fruits, and some other highbrow goods. Before indulging in the complimentary ales, Sam heads to the little boys' room, where the toilet is smoking. He seems unfazed. I guess that's part of everyday life with JBL. He lifts the lid and is whooshed into a cloud of bus fumes in a nearby neighborhood.
Of course, WiseGuy is there. He's jonesing for a banana split and invites Sam for some ice cream socializing. Sam would rather just get to business. Without further ado, WiseGuy tells Sam about Cubby Bryce, an ambulance-chasing lawyer, who took his clients for every penny. Now he's back again to bleed people dry, literally. Also, the bus stop bench they're sitting on happens to be an ad with a headshot of Bryce. With that, WiseGuy vanishes, and Sam's stuck to fend for himself in the wild world of Seattle mass transit.
Back at The Bench. Andi walks in with Josie, and Sam welcomes her back with the most awkward "Are we kissing or hugging?" greeting ever. It's maybe the awesomest moment in the show's history, rivaled only by JBL's "Baby Mama" rap . Josie points out the awkwardness and promises to pick Andi up after work. Andi starts to a ramble about clarity, but it's a good ramble because her head trauma made her realize that she and Sam have been wasting time with the whole "Will they, won't they?" shtick. She sets up a date for Saturday night. One might be hopeful for this forward movement in plot and character, if it weren't dreadfully obvious that Sam's reap-sponsibilities are inevitably going to eff everything up...as usual. I don't make up the rules, people.
Outside, Josie's walking to her car in the Bench parking lot. She runs into a newly Sun-In'd JBL. Seriously, highlights? He harasses that she's trying to woo him, based on the premise that she's...well...standing within 100 yards of him and wearing some scarf he gave her a million years ago. He says his "mark is still all over [her]...like dog pee on a pretty, pretty tree." To prove that she has absolutely no interest, she grabs the first guy to walk by -- Tedager, of course -- and coyly wraps the scarf around his neck. Drive-by scarfing -- it's 88% as effective as the Bend & Snap!
Back at the apartment, Sam books an appointment with Cubby Bryce. The Stooges are less interested in Sam's reaping strategy, though, than his date with Andi. JBL makes an eloquent analogy between their semi-requited romance and his favorite movie, Meat Hammer 5 -- which, tragically, doesn't exist; I googled it -- and, needless to say, there is "hammering" involved...at least in JBL's head.
The Gays Door barge in and request a word in private with Sam. They head into their Satan-proofed room. And how is it Satan-proofed, you ask? Apparently, The Devil can only enter through corners, not circles, so this is a safe zone. A Circle of Trust, if you will. And yeah, it sounds like BS to me, too. But that doesn't lessen Steve's enthusiasm one bit. Tony tries to delicately introduce their "big secret" to Sam, but Steve comes out in full-force, squealing and clapping, "We're part of an underground alliance trying to overthrow The Devillllll!" So much for the big build-up.
Tony explains that they were two of the angels that turned on God when Lucifer staged his coup all those years ago. Fast forward to the present, and they're totally blasé about the evil life. They think Sam can be of service to their schemes since he has a close relationship with WiseGuy. Sam is dubious, at best, but The Gays remind him of all the perks of having WiseGuy out of the picture -- no more reaping, no looming threat of ultimate destruction, and best of all no more putting his loved ones in danger. They are playing him like a fiddle. Sam says yes by virtue of admitting that he can't say no. Steve lets out a squeak of joy, and Tony welcomes Sam to the revolution.
Back at The Bench, Ben and JBL are having way too much fun putting taping all over their faces. Sam, because he is an utter moron, totally disregards Steve and Tony's circle theory when he tells JBL over the phone about their anti-diabolical plan. As he's spilling the beans about getting out from under WiseGuy's thumb, whom does he turn around to see? WiseGuy of course, holding this week's vessel. Sam quickly changes tack, glossing that he's trying to get out of his mobile plan. WiseGuy ominously says he knows what's going on, but then refers only back to Sam's ice cream snub. He seems to take that (not Sam's painfully obvious revolution plans) as a personal snub from a dear friend. He walks out, saying he's done. Sam opens up the vessel box and...it's an Indiana Jones-style whip. Cross-promotion, anyone?
Back at The Bench, Ben prepares to remove all the tape from JBL's face, asking him "Do you trust me?" JBL says he does, and Ben goes to town. Of course, removing all that tape would probably be easier if JBL didn't have Wolverine-like amounts of hair. No matter, though, because Tedager approaches with a dumb smile on his face, still wearing the scarf that Josie hung around his neck earlier (and now he's color-coordinated the pink scarf with a pink shirt -- props to the wardrobe department). Apparently, days have passed since the drive-by scarfing, and he has decided that he and Josie had an undeniable connection. He asks JBL for her phone number, accenting his point with a jaunty twirl of the scarf around his neck. JBL figures he has nothing to lose and gives Tedager Josie's digits. Ben looks on, tape-faced and amused.
The Gays meet Sam outside The Bench and offer him a ride to their underground meeting. The demons unveil their Byzantine plot for overtaking The Devil -- "Do good!" Yeah, this pot's got a crack in it. up, a demon named Bob reveals his struggles throughout the week, the denouement of which was not eating a child. , Steve introduces Sam. Sam admits that he doesn't understand how mundane acts like planting begonias and feeding expired parking meters is really going to take down Satan, but Steve insists the plan can't lose. Of course, this is coming from a man in a sunshine yellow sweater with coordinating tie... At any rate, Steve's projected timetable for the coup is 300-400 years. Flustered Sam points out that, with human life spans these days, he's not working with that kind of time.
Sam storms out, and Tony follows, first drawing a circle around him with chalk. Yeah, that's a real impervious boundary there. Tony admits that his partner's plan isn't the most efficient, then launches into a 'roid rage about ramming nukes down The Devil's throat. Sam takes off. As he walks off, Bryce calls to address Sam's Workman's Comp suit against The Bench. Sam sets up an appointment for that night after work so they can "have some privacy." Bryce hangs up and heads out. The camera pans down to a bloodless body on the floor.
That night at The Bench, Bryce meets with The Stooges. He offers them six figures -- seven if they're willing to wear a cast or a neck brace. Bryce says he's in no hurry with the case; he's got lots of time. Sam refutes that point by yanking out the whip-vessel. Bryce thinks fast, turning around his briefcase and opening it to set off a pack of bloodthirsty leeches, which, of course, all jump on Ben. Sam tries to lash the whip, but is about as dexterous with this as he was with the bubbles. Bryce leaps onto him and unleashes a lizard-like tongue. Sam manages to fend him off, sending him over to JBL, who tapes his mouth shut. Sam again tries to whip Bryce good, but only succeeds in striking JBL, then Ben. Bryce uses these misfires to remove the tape from his mouth, but Sam finally gets some coordination and wraps the whip around Bryce's neck. La Reap c'est finis. The Stooges decide to celebrate with a beer -- on Bryce since JBL snagged his wallet amidst the melee.
The morning, Andi finds Sam in the floral department. They joke-flirt about their plans for the weekend. After the jokes abate, they have the requisite awkward-pause-then-kiss sequence, which ends with them knocking over a display of watering cans. It's oafish, but kind of hot. Both of them realize that this is a good sign of things to come, and they plan to nix the hot air balloons and fireworks for a night in (wink wink, nudge nudge).
JBL enters Tedager's office. Tedager brags about his date with Josie. He thinks he's really scored because Josie asked him to hook up...her DVR. Having consulted his handy gay porn dictionary, Tedager translates his as an invitation for "gettin' it on." JBL can't help but laugh. He breaks it not-so-gently to Tedager that Josie will never be into him, but Tedager's one step ahead. He says that Josie is stooping to date him because she likes to date down. Tedager's proof? She already dated JBL. Touché, Tedager, touché. Tedager rationalizes that it's a win-win situation because it allowing Josie to feel superior while he improves his lot in life. JBL looks incredulous...and a little crestfallen because Tedager just nailed him.
Back in florals, The Gays show up to take Sam back to their group. They cover up Sam's eyes and take him back to the meeting spot, where Tony uncovers Sam's eyes, and Steve announces in singsong, "We've prepare a human sacrifice!" Child-Eater Bob tells him there's a legal loophole whereby Sam can fill out a form and send this guy to Hell in his place. All his has to do is ram a dagger through an innocent person's heart. Sam protests. Tony rationalizes that the sacrifice deals dope, but Sam points out that this is grade-A evil behavior. The demons realize they were about to fall back into their old evil ways and release the doper.
As they disperse, Tony launches into a rallying speech. He rails against pacifism (a distinctly non-demonic trait) and says they'd do better to kill Satan than kill him with kindness. The demons are getting pumped up. Tony charges Sam with the mission of befriending The Devil, getting his cell phone number, and luring him to the meeting place. Which I'm pretty sure is a step-by-step recipe for calamity. Sam gets the dangers inherent in this plan, and questions whether the demons can actually hurt Satan. In response, Tony morphs into his scary demon form and declares, "You bring The Devil, I'll bring the pain." Alrighty then.
That afternoon, JBL barges into Josie's, screaming over Tedager's dating down theory. Josie explains that she went out with Tedager because he asked, not to make herself feel superior. She tells JBL that she dated him because he's sweet, funny, and doesn't care what others thinks. He agrees and proposes they make out. Which is perfect timing for Tedager to stroll up, still wearing Josie's scarf, and carrying some wine and a toolbox. JBL, in Josie's floral robe, tells Tedager he's too late. JBL already hooked up Josie's DVR -- twice. Tedager retreats.
Over at The Bench, WiseGuy stops by to congratulate Sam on a successful reap. It's all very business-like and stilted. Sam apologizes for being rude and invites WiseGuy for some ice cream. Apparently they have sundaes at the bar. WiseGuy says he's just going to watch as Sam eats his. Apparently having the fires of Hell raging inside you makes eating frozen foods a little difficult.
WiseGuy chitchats about Andi, warning Sam that he can never tell her his little secret. WiseGuy admits that his one experience of true love was for God...but then they had a little tiff. And we all know how that ended. WiseGuy admits he's never talked about this with anyone. But now he has Sam as a pal and confidant. Just like his own soul-enslaved Golden Girl! Sam points out the inequities of this relationship since he has to wait for WiseGuy's okay on everything. WiseGuy plays into Sam's hand, giving him his personal phone number.
Over in the Circle of Trust, Tony congratulates Sam for scoring the digits. He pulls out the sword of the Archangel Michael, which has a long and storied history of vanquishing The Devil. Tony graphically details his plans to cut off WiseGuy's fork tongue, hands, and heart. There will be excruciating pain, he says. Tony tells Sam he should be proud of himself, but Sam looks about as comfortable as one could be in this sort of situation.
Over at their apartment, The Stooges comment that Sam doesn't look too excited for his dream date. Sam perpetuates this episode's short bus gimmick by drawing a circle of mustard then telling Ben and JBL about his betrayal of WiseGuy. Sam admits he feels bad, so JBL slaps him upside the head. Ben adds that Sam will get his soul back if the rebellion succeeds. Just then, Andi rings the doorbell. JBL slaps Sam upside the head one more time, this one for jealousy. The Stooges skedaddle, probably putting a sock on the door as they leave.
Moments later, Sam and Andi make up for lost time with a hot and heavy high school make-out session. He keeps interrupting to offers her all the free stuff they've received from the tenant. Andi thinks it's cute that he's trying to slow things down and have an actual date. She says that just being with him under any circumstances is well enough. He is the one person she cares about and trusts more than anything. Then she realizes that she needs to take her "brain meds," or what we laymen know as peppermint Tic Tacs.
Feeling guilty, Sam launches into an oblique discussion about that part of his life that he will never be able reveal to Andi. Of course, he can't tell her what said part of his life is, so this whole admission of omission discourse is entirely fruitless and, frankly, kind of cruel. Sam assures her that it has nothing to do with their relationship, but Andi's rightly confounded. Sam tells her that he'll understand if his secrecy prevents their relationship from moving to the level. Andi reiterates that she trusts him, saying that she can't think of anything that would change the way she feels about him. Of course, I'm pretty sure her wildest imagination does not include the possibility of Sam doing the bidding of Satan, but those are all tiny just details if you ask Sam. Kissing resumes.
Of course, at this, the most inopportune of times, Steve barges in spewing some nonsense about Sam coming between him and Tony. On the heels of the conversation about Sam's double life, Andi's all, "Secrets?" But Sam can't answer because Steve is literally tugging him out of the apartment by his ear.
In the Circle of Trust, Steve reams Sam out for conspiring with Tony. Tony walks in and reminds Steve that he was the one who convinced Tony to join the war against God way back when. He goads Steve to indulge his violent demon nature, but Steve insists that he is going to redeem himself in the eyes of God and do this the right way. "In the meantime," says Tony, "Sam and I will be kickin' ass and takin' names."
At the demon rebellion meeting, Child-Eater Bob walks in brandishing the Archangel sword. As Tony issues his battle cry to the demon gallery, Steve interrupts to entreat them to reconsider. He believes the only way to defeat The Devil is to turn their backs on his ways, thereby nullifying his hold on them. Tony won't back down, but tells Steve he'll understand if he wants to leave him for this. Steve demurs and says his place is by Tony's side. They reconcile with a little Eskimo kiss.
Back at the apartment, JBL and Ben walk in to get some beer while they wait for Sam and Andi to finish boning (so they think). As they grab the boxes, Ben realizes he recognized the name on all these boxes earlier because it's Cubby Bryce. He grows suspicious that WiseGuy set up this too-good-to-be-true apartment. JBL insists that he found this place on his own, but Ben points out the name on the lease, which JBL reads as "Satin," but anyone with a third-grade reading level would recognize is Satan. Ben realizes WiseGuy set this whole thing up so Sam would meet The Gays and join their revolution. He calls to warn Sam.
Sam screams out that they must halt the rebellion, but it's too late. Satan has arrived. Bob rushes at him, exploding into a pillar of flames. WiseGuy scoffs at their foolishness then finishes this little coup d'snot as quickly as it started. He collapses the entire building in on the rebel demons. Spared by WiseGuy, Sam (un?)fortunately gets to see it all go down from the outside. WiseGuy thanks him for assembling all his foes in one place. He says his entire plan depended on Sam going turncoat.
Sam is understandably miffed and accuses WiseGuy of being threatened by Steve's plan. Sam even thinks it may have worked over time because, if everyone in the world were good, there would be no need for Satan. WiseGuy considers this, then smirks, "Well, what are the chances of that happening?" He adds, "And by the way, I'm changing my cell phone number."
We cut to a wide shot as WiseGuy walks off into the night. A shadow appears in the foreground. As the shot turns, an ash-covered Tony crouches amidst a pile of rubble, sporting some serious "Thriller" eyes. And...scene.
week: So much for the mystery. Andi sees Sam chop a guy's head off. Sam tries to spill the beans about his reaping gig, but Andi dismisses this unbelievable story and socks him in the kisser.