Perhaps the writers are as eager as I am to pick up the pace, because we enter in media res as Sam runs downstairs, shirtless, with a toothbrush in his mouth. He makes the mistake of drinking orange juice with a mouthful of minty toothpaste, but there's no time to dwell because he's late! He heads out to the Prius, fiddling with his keys, but before he gets them in the door, they disappear. And with that, we have our Secret Talent of the Week -- making things disappear. I have a strong inkling this could be put to much better use than it will be.
After an unsuccessful search, Sam takes a taxi to The Bench. The driver asks for his money, but -- you guessed it! -- before Sam can pay, the money disappears from his hands. Then Sam's wallet disappears, too. He spots Ben rolling carts in the parking lot and tries to talk to him, but Ben ignores him. Is Sam invisible?
Or were the writers just stoned? Because, in the scene, Ben and Sam talk as though that encounter never happened. As Ben clocks in, Sam tells him about all his stuff disappearing. Ben pulls Sam's keys from his own pocket, saying they randomly appeared about 20 minutes ago. Sam explains that each time he has a soul to reap, he develops an STW (he calls it a "Devil Power") that points him in the direction of the escaped soul.
But we shan't dwell on actual important information because JBL has set up some primo jackassery. He's rigged various Work Bench products into a makeshift mechanical bull. He rides it like the glorious fat boy that he is, proclaiming, "Gravity's my bitch!" Gravity's all, "Oh no he di'in't!" and throws his doughy ass into a paint can display. Cut to Ben and Sam rinsing off a Pollocked JBL with a power sprayer, paying special attention to his crotch. As the kicker, Ben pulls Sam's wallet out of a can of paint. It's not explored, but I would bet money (Sam's, of course) that JBL has a little extra Cheetos money this week thanks to Sam's earlier mishap with the taxi driver.
Inside, Sam walks up to a man examining the decorative tiki torches. Sam begins to help him, when the customer suddenly spears Sam in the gut. Except he doesn't. It was all in Sam's head. Nonetheless, Sam screams bloody murder. The poor sap decides to explore patio adornments elsewhere. JBL piddles over, saying a new vessel has arrived. He offers Sam a piggyback ride to ameliorate the stress of just getting not-stabbed, but Sam declines.
This week's vessel box is creepier than usual -- with hear-no-evil gargoyles on it. Refreshingly, Sam skips the whining and moves to open it, but the box jumps and emits an unholy noise, as though something lives inside. Before The Stooges can investigate further, Andi approaches and asks what they're doing. Sam quickly escorts her outside, where she mentions a Flaming Lips concert that weekend. She wants Sam -- and the rest of the gang -- to come. They plan to slumber party in JBL's uncle's van. (I have a feeling JBL's uncle is named Matt Foley and that his van is conveniently located down by the river.) During the planning process, we learn that Andi snores like a 50-year-old man, and Sam drools.
Before we can learn more intimate details, Tedager interrupts. The whole gang heads to his office, where Tedager expresses his displeasure at the rodeo shenanigans. As remuneration, Tedager will henceforth forbid any social conversation at The Bench. Otherwise, the employee chaos will destroy the delicate balance of Tedager's self-designated realm. To beef up his dubious authority, Tedager reminds them that he can assign nights, weekend shifts, and holidays until they crack. Et tu, Tedager? I thought this was only the Devil's MO.
Outside, Sam works while JBL kvetches atop a mulch-bag pile. He supposedly got a beer out of the vending machine, and he and Sam decide to drink on the job. So that Sam has something to grouse to WiseGuy about, JBL inspires him with a tirade about refusing to accept Tedager's power and not being machines and robots. Then, as he is wont to do, JBL digresses pitifully. He muses that, if he were a robot, he'd be the hot chick robot from Terminator 3 so he could look at his own 'bot boobs.
Sam dallies around the Garden Center. Enter WiseGuy. Without much banter,, thank goodness, they're transported to a roadside where an apple truck has wrecked. It's the work of the escaped soul. Sam asks where the soul is, but WiseGuy refuses to make it that easy. He only mentions that the soul's former name was Bellifiore.
Sam's frustrated about the challenge and says he wants help so he can solve the crimes quickly -- for the victims's sakes! But WiseGuy knows better. He calls Sam out on his "plans to lock lips with somebody...Flaming Lips!" Sam cops to it and asks for vacation when he completes the job. WiseGuy says that's not part of the deal. Sam hits below the belt, even by Satan standards, and says WiseGuy sounds like Tedager. WG responds, "Whoa, that was harsh. Ted is a real douchebag." Satan 1, Tedager 0. Sam then picks up on JBL's prior ramble, griping about WiseGuy's arbitrary rules and that he's not a machine. He refuses to accept Satan's power over him. Of course, when he turns around, WiseGuy has vanished. Then Sam is nearly run over by two big rigs. WiseGuy reappears, saying, "I trust I've made my point," and chomps away at his forbidden fruit.
Back at The Bench, the Three Stooges have returned to the box, this time with assorted crobars and garden tools. Sam pops it open, and...it's a dove. Ben develops an immediate soft spot for the little clucker. Though the Ben-battering motif seems to have been abandoned, I can only imagine the Hitchcock-ian action that could potentially be unleashed on our spindly friend.
Avian-induced terror unrealized, they fire up a Bench computer to investigate Bellifiore, and 812 hits pop up. Sam reaches for the mouse. It disappears. He turns around, and the guys are gone, too. As he prattles to seemingly no one, Tedager approaches and busts Sam's chops about talking without permission, but he doesn't really have a leg to stand on when he sees no one is around. He walks away, and The Stooges pop up behind the counter.
Just as Ben begins to engage in JBL-esque insulting of Sam's STW, Sam realizes he can narrow down the search by keying in something about disappearing. Et voila! The search comes up with 1920s magician Enrico Bellifiore. Conveniently, he's featured in a DVD called Dark Side of Magic -- two copies of which are in stock at The Bench. The DVD reveals that Bellifiore was a Houdini wannabe who never really wowed the crowds. His show was cancelled, so he impaled the promoter and was consequently hanged.
Andi interrupts the probe so Sam can help her carry a heavy box outside. As they walk, she tells him she can only get two tickets to the concert. Like a complete moron, he suggests she take Josie, even though she clearly wants him to come. Moreover, they'll have to sleep in her car. Insert clumsy double entendre about Sam being "up for it" here. This would ideally have been a prelude to some clumsy backseat action, but alas! Sam ultimately agrees to go, despite his obligation to do Satan's bidding indefinitely. Andi heads back inside.
As Sam loads the box in the car, Sam notices a basket of apples, which leads him to a local Apple Festival. Scoping out the festival, The Stooges happen upon a poster advertising a magician named Dash Ariell, an obvious Criss Angel allusion. Ben wonders how they will use the bird to capture the soul. JBL proposes that it could be bait, but Ben takes issue with this fate befalling Winston (a.k.a. the bird). Ben goes into some character back story...and, seriously, could the writers not do any better by him? JBL gets 23 minutes of HoYay! and Ben gets an allergic father and an avian timeshare?
As they enter the show, JBL cements the Criss Angel reference by making a quip about slapping on guyliner and showering with Cameron Diaz. They take their seats, and Dash Ariell performs the Bellifiore's famous sword levitation trick. Not to be outdone, JBL unveils his own magic trick -- loudly wolfing down a churro in two seconds. Ben is unimpressed. Sam decides it'll be best to capture the soul after the show. But soon enough, Ariell gets huffy that his audience isn't enthusiastic enough. Just then, a poor sap resembling one of the geeks from Beauty and the Geek decides to take a potty break. Ariell chides him, inviting/compelling him to participate. Ariell shows Geek his sword, which Geek confirms is real. Ariell then impales him. Miraculously, Geek appears unharmed. Ariell brings down the curtain and disappears, leaving Geek alone onstage. The Stooges head backstage to find Ariell, but they've lost him. Outside, they discover Geek's corpse on a gurney. An EMT says Geek was done in by massive internal injuries.
So The Stooges throw a few back at the bar -- except Sam, whose beer keeps disappearing. Sam speculates that Ariell kills because he blames audiences for his failed career. They'll test that theory out tomorrow at noon during Ariell's performance. As they scheme how to ask Tedager for time off, Ben tries to casually slip something into his jacket pocket. He's harboring Winston there, and is worried because Winston is innocent in all this. Sam points out that he, too, is innocent; his parents signed the contract, not him. Ben advises Sam to take a look at the contract. Yeah, I'm sure they filled out W-2 forms in triplicate...
The morning at 667, Sam asks Mom if he can see the contract. After some hemming and hawing, she searches through a memento box, calls Dad -- who's out on the golf course; glad to see he's real concerned about his child being bound to Satan -- and finally looks in their office. The contract is stuffed in among the old tax returns. When Sam looks inside, dust comes pouring out. He walks outside, hoping that he'll be let out of his contract since it disintegrated, but his car disappears, and he angrily acknowledges that he's in this for the long run.
Prius-deprived Sam walks up the street, and WiseGuy tools up behind him in a sports car. Sam grouches to WiseGuy that he doesn't know his rights because the contract fell apart. Re: Sam's rights, WiseGuy replies, "That's easy, you don't have any." Then WiseGuy has an altercation with a driver named Bruce, who shouts, "I'll see you in Hell!" unaware of how very right he is. Turns out, that thing on Bruce's neck -- not a mole. But back to Sam, WiseGuy realizes that perhaps Sam needs incentive to do his job, which he most certainly can provide. Cut to WiseGuy, traipsing through The Bench. Multiple, eager employees (who must have gotten lost on their way to Sam's Club) offer him assistance, but he's got his sights set on Andi. He approaches her with malevolent glee in his peepers.
Sam arrives at The Bench parking lot to find a ticket on his Prius. Of all the luck. He catches up with JBL to ask Tedager for an early lunch. JBL has developed a surprisingly plausible excuse involving a driveway sealant seminar, but Tedager has caught wind of their supposed conspiracy to see a magic show with Andi. Sam is confused, and Tedager says some guy was in the store handing out tickets. Guess who. Sam starts to run out the door, only to discover that Winston has escaped and is perched on a rafter. JBL offers to bring him down with a wrench, and Ben in turn threatens to cut JBL. Awesome. Not to be delayed, Sam leaves The Stooges to recover Winston while he heads off to save Andi. Tedager cuts him off at the front door, and they engage in a power struggle until Sam volunteers to work the four weekends and Thanksgiving if he can leave right then to save Andi.
Released from one job, Sam must finish another. He rushes to Andi, sitting in the front row, and tells her they should leave. He avoids telling her the truth by loudly proclaiming Ariell sucks. Natch, Ariell is standing right behind him. Ariell summons Sam to come onstage. Sam blusters, prompting Andi to volunteer herself. But Sam takes her place and stands onstage, awaiting his impalement. Commercials.
We return to the stage, where Ariell is flourishing his sword with pizzazz. He wants Sam to confirm that the sword is real, but Sam stalls until Ariell gives it to him to hold. Sam then runs (like a little girl) off the stage. Ariell runs after him, leaving the audience confused. Reaper and Reapee meet backstage, where Sam realizes that Ariell has no power without his sword; he informs Ariell that he's a reaper. Ariell goes through the requisite escaped-soul rant -- this time about how the "yokels" in the audience get what they deserve. Ariell recalls being impaled on a sword every day in Hell. Then he tosses Sam around with his telekinetic powers and pulls the sword over so he can take it back.
Swordless Sam flees to the outside. Ariell stalk-walks after him. They do an assassination tango involving a beat-up vintage truck and Ariell's multiple attempts to shish Sam's kebabs with his magic sword. We're talking can-cutting Ginsu action here. Sam eventually jumps over a barbed wire fence, where Ben and JBL just happen to roll up in a Bench van with Winston. They unlock the cage so Winston will suck Ariell back to hell. As usual, crickets practically chirp. Ariell cuts through the fence and walks toward them, taunting them that they're so stupid they can't even figure out the simplest of tricks. Not so wise on his part, because this jibe clues Sam in to the fact that he should make Winston disappear. After he does so, Ariell looks up to a pack of bats descending upon him. The throng sucks his soul, re-enters the cage, then transforms back into Winston. The Stooges congratulate each other on a job well done.
They return to the DMV to deposit Winston. Naturally, JBL makes sexual overtures toward an unmoved Gladys. Ben begins a potentially endearing scene between a boy and his bird, but instead throws around terms like "freaky-ass" and says that Winston has assured that he will never be comfortable around birds. Sam gives the cage to Gladys, and Ben throws in some pretzels for the road. Gladys unceremoniously sends the bird back to the abyss.
Back at The Bench, Sam heads to his locker, where Andi left a note. She then appears in person to ask him what happened. He says he ran because of a bad hot dog. She jokes that that better not happen this weekend, which forces him to break it to her that he'll be working. She's miffed, thinking this means he would rather work than hang out with her. She blames him for making their friendship weird enough that they can't spend time alone together. He has nothing to say to that, and she exits.
Sam drowns his sorrows at the bar. WiseGuy bellies up and orders a cranberry and soda. Sam delicately suggests that he might be less of a dick if he drank. To stick it to him, WiseGuy gives Sam the weekend off as a reward for his successful reap. Sam strikes back that he's working at The Bench because of the chaos that WiseGuy orchestrated. WiseGuy feigns sympathy, but Sam is unconvinced. WiseGuy asks if he can do anything to make it up to Sam, so Sam asks for the contract. WiseGuy says it's bad idea, but Sam asserts he'll more likely be killed by an escaped soul than by WiseGuy and that WiseGuy needs him. Touché, laughs WiseGuy, who says he'll locate a copy of the contract. Deals brokered, WiseGuy joins Sam for a beer and notes that, on the bright side, Andi's frustration at Sam flaking out just proves that she's into him. They toast to that.
week: Slime is the word. Andi's Krasinski-esque paramour returns to hit on her -- and every other woman in Seattle, apparently. WiseGuy continues to be a slimy, sleazy boss. And a slime monster puts his oozing hand on Sam's mouth.