The kids discover that Neh has been put in jail. Danny has no luck in getting him out, but discovers that Neh got into a fight and injured someone; bail is boatloads of money. But how are the kids going to be ready for their doc's "premiere" if their only semi-competent editor is in jail? What a fascinating and tense dilemma! Danny bails Neh out with Neh's own Real World money. How generous of...himself. Meanwhile, the girls and doc dork David work on editing. Neh gets out and blames the doc stress on his having gotten into a fight. What? Neh then makes a terrible decision to go find the guy he hit; strangely, the guy is quite friendly. (Certainly he's thinking: cha-ching!) Neh edits. Wes comes home blasted and threatens Rachel; he then supposedly sorta slaps her, kinda. Then he claims he was too drunk to remember it, while he's still drunk that same night. A double-black-out! Pretty impressive. In the morning, Rachel forgives Wes. During all the foolishness, Neh makes progress on the doc. Neh and Wes eat and decide to dress like pimps for the premiere. Great plan. There is nothing documentary filmmakers respond to more than ironic pimp clothing. Screening night. Wes and Neh actually wear giant ruffled tuxes. A limo comes. The doc dorks are as impressed as I thought they'd be. Man, they're sure burning off the rest of this season quickly. Screening. People clap and it's over. The episode is the last one. Thank Mary-Ellis!
Austin. Night. Cop car. Cop car. Police lights. Warehouse. Phone rings. Wes gets the phone call from Neh in jail. He accepts the charges, but the phone hangs up by mistake. Wes, clearly enjoying this whole ordeal, camera-tools that he's wondering what Neh did and how the hell they're going to get him out. Clearly, it's finally time for the show to reveal its purpose in jerking us around for twenty-two damn episodes now: it's turning into a prison-break show! Wes had better get himself to the tattoo parlor. Then again, that giant map would be way too easy to read on his ghostly skin. Wes flips through the Yellow Pages (you're not trying to find a hardware store, moron) while Lacey enters, wondering who was on the phone. Dude, it's not your gimpy boyfriend. Relax. Wes says that it was jail, and Lacey calmly asks, "What did he do?" Suspiciously unconcerned, Lacey. Wes babbles and then proposes a betting pool over what Neh did to get arrested. Wes and Lacey both guess he got into a drunken fight. Good guess. Wes camera-pales that he suspects Neh didn't just steal a rose from a hobo and that it'll therefore cost money to get him out, and that's a "scary" thought. Yeah, if you spend all your money on Neh's bail, how are you going to keep yourself in plaid shirts and Natty Lights? Danny comes in and learns about Neh's predicament. Danny is deeply concerned...or his eye is just slipping out of his broken socket again and he's trying to hold it in. Danny camera-tools that Neh is a tough kid and that he probably just snapped and went off at the wrong time. You'd think Danny wouldn't be on Neh's side, having been the victim of assault himself, but his nice guy-ness wins over. For now. He catches a cab headed for jail, knowing he can't get Neh out, but just so that Neh knows someone came for him. Or something.
Austin. Morning. Warehouse. Danny's felt hat tells the waking-up Johanna and Rachel that Neh got into a fight and injured someone and that the victim is pressing charges. The bail is between two and five thousand dollars. Johanna then blabs to us Neh's family's economic outlook, camera-talking that no one in his family is going to be able to pay that much money. Danny reveals that Neh will sit in jail for thirty days, and maybe go to prison if they can't get him out. Johanna rubs her face; what's she rubbing off? Probably a giant bratwurst from last night. Rachel then supportively mentions that they have the screening of their doc week, and what are they going do to, given that Neh was doing all of the editing work? Rachel camera-talks that she's not a heartless, mean person, but that she does worry about their project. Danny announces that he's going to see if "Production" can front him his money. I sure hope he means their B/M payment for being on the show. Because I'd be pissed if they were actually getting paid for making the worst short since last year's blatant Oscar bait, Pixar's Fifteen Children from the South Bronx Learn Ballet and Then Get Hodgkin's and Then Live Through The Holocaust While Playing Jazz With Thelonious Monk, a Group of Child Prostitutes from Russia, and a Beat Poet With AIDS.
Austin. Austin. A building. Pigeons. Warehouse. The phone rings. Danny answers. It's Neh: "I got into a fight, dude." Neh said that "they" tried to fight him, and that he's the one who got arrested. Yeah, I believe that. Danny holds his eye in while marveling over the $3000 bond on Neh's head. Danny quickly reconsiders getting his own money fronted, and asks if he should have Neh's money fronted by Production. Neh says yes, since his family surely doesn't have that kind of money. Danny camera-talks that they need to get him out...to work on the doc. Man, that's some compassion! Danny tells Neh that he'll see what he can do, and then will come down to jail.
Day. A jogger. Warehouse. Danny tells Johanna that Production gave the okay to front the money. Johanna eats, lining her stomach for the eleven Jell-O shots she'll do later that night. She says it's a shame "this happened" to Neh, since he's so broke. Yeah, it sucks that assault just "happened" to him. I feel really bad. Danny goes on to say that Neh has a "really hard head," and that he knows better. Too bad Danny didn't have a harder head a few months ago. Danny camera-talks that Neh is a great guy but acts likes a totally different person what he gets drunk. He gets tough on Neh, basically telling Johanna that Neh made this decision and now he has to pay for it. Good man. He gets into a cab, still camera-talking that this should be a wake-up call for Neh, and that you can't just go around hitting people. You mean like you? When you're down on the ground? Blind drunk? Danny arrives at the cop station to get Neh's "ass" out of jail.
Austin. Warehouse. Lacey and Rachel work on the doc, saying that this goes to show that you can't rely on anyone to edit for you. Yeah, editors are always finding themselves thrown in jail. Editors are fucking crazy party animals. They'll drink your beer, kick your ass, then steal your woman. Watch out for those fools. Being locked up in a smelly room waiting for effects to render for hours on end does something to them. Rachel camera-flabs that since Neh might be away for a while, she and Lacey start working on the project. And we see them working on it -- with a little help, they say, from doc dork David.
Austin. Lake. Jet-skier. Bridge. Warehouse. David arrives on a bike. Editing room. David wonders if the kids are going to be ready for the premiere in three days. The girls aren't sure because, like, they really don't know what they're doing (twirl hair on finger), tee hee. David says that he's concerned it won't be done. Mel is sure they can do it. Wes thinks Neh will be back any minute, and that they can all help him finish. David says that Neh was concerned, the last time they met, that he was the only person working on the doc. But then Danny arrives with news: they won't release Neh until later that day, and he's facing, in addition to the fines, up to a year in prison. Shazam! Commercials.
Austin. Travis County Jail. Neh is released. He voice-overs the shocking revelation that he's happy to be out of jail. Ah, more stunning news about jail: it's small and confining and the bed is hard! It also, "sucks." Major revelations! Call 20/20 to do an exposé on that shit right now!
Neh arrives at home. The girls hug him. Johanna reveals that Neh seemed "shocked," when he got home. Neh then blames the fight on the stress of the documentary. You know, Terence Malick hopped up on opium and sake trading blows with Elias Koteas on the set of The Thin Red Line because George Stevens is giving him shit about budget overruns and cinematographer John Toll just got a fourteen-year-old Japanese girl pregnant -- that I can understand. Not Neh's little music video.
Night. Wes tells us that he wants to hear all the details. Neh says that he hit someone in line at the bratwurst stand, and that the cops picked him up right away. Danny clearly doesn't want to hear it, and leaves the room. Touchy. Wes informs Neh that he's looking at $4000 or a year in prison. Neh's smile immediately disappears. No shit.
Night. Brat stand. Neh tells us he went to find the "guy" because he was wrong and a "man" can admit when he was wrong. Now, this is very confusing, because Neh approaches a guy we learn is Jonathan, the owner of the brat stand -- and, indeed, we see his wrist is in a brace. In the story, Neh had said it was some other guy who thought Neh was cutting in the brat line that he ended up hitting. So I think they're misleading us, making us think Neh is apologizing to his victim when he's really just apologizing to the guy who tried to stop the fight and got in the way. Or Neh is lying and he actually hit the brat guy in his confusion. Or some dumb-ass combo of all of that. And also: I don't really care. Neh apologizes, and Jonathan is all laughs as he says he was trying to help him out when Neh was getting belligerent and...okay, Neh now tells us that he got "threatened" and just started swinging and hit the wrong person. In his drunkenness, he thought the brat guy was just some guy. Clear? Crystal. Jonathan says he tried to tell Neh he was on his side last night, but that Neh was too drunk to understand. Jonathan thanks him for stopping by, and shakes with his gimpy hand. Yeah, you just know B/M is getting slapped with a humungous lawsuit; Homeboy is going to have a big-ass bratwurst stand when this shit's done. Neh walks off, telling us he hopes the charges are dropped, but that he'll accept his consequences and stand up like a man. Neh is a man! It's really refreshing to see that one person can be so damn manly as to apologize to the sausage guy for cold-cocking him.
Warehouse. Night. Neh works on the doc. He is the only one working, he tells us, and the others are out drinking and partying -- and we see them at the bar, Wes dancing with girls, etc. This is intercut with Neh bitching to us that everyone is depending on him to get it done and wah wah wah. Wes camera-ghosts that he's more than willing to put all the responsibility on Neh right now. Generous of him.
Later. The camera gets all foggy and the sound all weird and...yay! It's another installment of Wes Is Blind Drunk! Wes is home standing in the living room, weaving, barely able to stand. He tells Mel he has to walk around a bit. He stumbles backward. He weaves into the girls' room and goes into the closet with Mel and rips the closet door off its track. Mel is laughing; she's in a bikini and there is some random girl in the room with them. Wes throws a cushion at Mel, who runs and laughs. Lacey has to bring everything down, asking very seriously if Wes is going to puke. Who cares?! Let him break shit. Damn, I just realized: Wes is Beavis! He weaves around some more.
Rachel and crew get home, and Rachel tells us that she wanted to go call that boyfriend of hers she hates, but that Wes was on the phone. Apparently, she told him not to be too long on the phone, and Neh yelled over from the kitchen, telling Rachel not to tell anyone how long to use the phone. Then she flipped Neh off, and suddenly Wes -- and this the lame cameramen finally capture -- gets in her face, still blind drunk, and tells her that if she flips off his friend again, he'll slap the shit out of her. She asks him "please" to hit her, and he puts his hand on her face and sorta pushes it, but really is just doing a fake slap. Rachel laughs. Wes goes back to the phone. Come on, Wes. Homegirl has the ears of dead Iraqi soldiers on a necklace -- you ain't gonna scare her with that wack shit.
But then I guess something happens later, because Rachel is telling Mel and crew that when Wes finally got off the phone, she asked him if he still wanted to slap her face...and he slapped her for real. But it's sorta confusing, because of course the cameramen didn't capture it -- or they don't wanna show it for legal reasons or something -- so we just get Rachel now camera-fatting that the slap wasn't hard enough to move her face, but that it made a sound. Just like this show. She goes on to say that Wes has a lack of respect for people that comes out of anger. Okay.
Later. Bathroom. Wes is still drunk, but drinking water and, I guess, sobering up. He apologizes to Mel, in a drunk whisper, for throwing "something" at her earlier. He is then surprised when Mel informs him that he slapped Rachel. He's still blind drunk, but he can't remember what he did earlier, during the same drunk? Call AA. And take the whole house with you. He goes into Rachel's room, and the girls yell at him to get out. Rachel runs out. Lacey tells him that Rachel is mad about the slap. Wes claims that it must have just been a light tap -- which it probably was. He demonstrates on himself, and then puts his tongue out and it's very disturbing to me. I wish so much that he would stop. Lacey tells us that she hates the drunkenness because it's ridiculous. Yes. It's called getting drunk and loosening up a little, Lacey. You should seriously look into it. Wes slurs, mad now, that he could give a fuck. Mel says that no one deserves to get hit. He brings up the blackout argument, claiming that he wasn't really there. Convincing. Commercials.
Morning. Warehouse. Danny and Mel talk to the shocked Wes about all the shit he did last night, showing him the broken closet door and Rachel's coffee beans that he threw everywhere. Wes yells that he didn't break the closet door. Uh, doesn't he realize that everything that happens is on tape? If he doesn't know by Episode 22, probably not. It's great, because Wes yells that just because he was drunk, it doesn't mean he can be blamed for everything...and Mel cuts him off, saying that she was standing right there in the closet with Wes, trying to change. We see a shot of Wes throwing the coffee. Mel says that he was like Godzilla. I think the most shocking thing to come out of this scene is learning that Mel can read! Indeed, we see her reading a Jodi Picoult book. Poor Jodi Picoult. Associated with this show. Just like me. Poor me. Wes claims that he didn't slap Rachel. Mel then tells us that throwing a chair in the pool is one thing, but that throwing something at Mel or slapping Rachel is scary and isn't "normal behavior." But throwing a chair into the pool that sits in the middle of your living room is? Rachel enters. Wes apologizes, saying that he doesn't even remember "the house" last night, going on to say that it was disrespectful and not right. And how is this drama going to play out? Well, like this: Rachel casually accepts Wes's apology. She tells us that she's too tired to deal with it, so she just accepts. That was riveting, well-constructed storytelling.
Warehouse. Various shots of street signs. Okay. Now we're in the editing room, and doc dork David is there; Neh shows him the stuff he's changed in the flick. David is happy, but warns Neh that they need to be working on it night and day until the screening. Neh nods. Lacey then butts in as usual, thick-lipsticking to us that the project is going to need to get done, good or not. Fuck off, Lacey. David urges Neh not to have any more delays, and Neh makes a joke about having to brainstorm...in jail. Neh then camera-talks that he's going to put all his effort into finishing "strong," because actions speak louder than words. You know what speaks louder that actions? Ice cream.
Day. Street. Motorcycle guys. Neh editing. Neh editing. Montage of editing. He tells us that when you're down to the wire, you need to work hard. Ah. This show is tight, boy. What a great show. They've sure progressed a lot in sixteen seasons. Well, progressed backward, dramatically, but that's still a direction. Not the direction I might have chosen to go in, but what do I know?
Wes and Neh go to a restaurant called "Paradise." I always knew Wes wanted to take Neh to paradise someday. Neh brags about spending the night in jail and then going straight into a marathon editing session. He should congratulate himself on that, because that's pretty much going to be the highlight of his film career. Well, and the upcoming screening, which you just know is going to be fly. Neh goes on to say that he only has some fine-tuning left to do, and that it shouldn't take more than an hour. Neh and Wes then make a fantastic plan to go "pimp" for the premiere, dressing in "fly" outfits with "big collars," and that it will be their "secret." I'm going to go "vomit." They head off to a vintage store.
Montage of walking. Neh and Wes get to a costume store. They try on silly outfits.
Austin. Statue. Warehouse. Warehouse. Rachel gets ready. She camera-talks that the premiere is finally here, and that they finally get to show what they've been working so "hard on." Heh. She crinkles her crinkly eyes and says that she's excited...in that way you can tell she's lying and really isn't very excited at all because she's pretty sure their movie is going to be a disaster. The other girls also get ready. Johanna wears boots.
Meanwhile, Wes and Neh are very excited and giggly as they put on their outfits in a special room somewhere upstairs.
Wes and Neh emerge from the room, wearing matching powder-green and -blue tuxes with ruffles and tails and canes. They look like the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle the day after mayor Gavin Newsome passed an ordinance legalizing gay marriage between interracial prop comics. They emerge downstairs, very proud of themselves, to the laughter of the other roommates, who claim they knew something was up. Lacey is very proud of herself as she camera-chins that she's looking at them and having flashbacks of the tuxes from Dumb & Dumber, adding the capper to the joke: that movie title is a very apt description of Wes and Neh. Zing!
A limo picks the kids up. Limo. Limo. Lacey. Wes. He camera-tools that he's very excited for the premiere, because after that, he'll never have to think about the project ever again. They arrive at the depressing parking lot of the Alamo Draft House movie theatre, and the dorks of docs greet them; Paul is not amused by Wes and Neh's outfits. Yeah! Documentaries are serious business! One must frown and furrow constantly. Harrumph.
Inside, the kids sit. Paul gives a little speech to the big (paid) crowd about how he was dubious when B/M said they wanted to do this. Johanna interrupts by camera-talking that she started thinking back on doing the job and all the fights; we see some of these in flashbacks. It's kinda cute how the editors are trying to pretend they care, putting in music and making the screening this big thing, when clearly not even the people who made it (the seriously delusional Neh notwithstanding) give a crap about the movie. Paul babbles on about how these are beginners, and stutters in trying to come up with something nice to say about the doc, finally landing on "pretty...pretty enjoyable." Bwah! Neh camera-talks, still -- still! -- babbling about staying up all night working and how he's a man of his word and it feels good, sticking his chin out like Cuba in Boyz In Da Hood. Poor Neh.
The doc starts. The kids watch. They laugh. Brief shots of the movie. The people clap. The Graphics of Stupid tell us that we can watch the movie online at MTV.com. No, thank you.
: the final one! The kids pack. Johanna is sad. Mel hugs Danny. Wes and Neh are both yelling at the crying Rachel, who is being held back by Danny. Danny camera-caves that there is a lot of tension in the house and that it's tough to leave like that. No. No, it's not.