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And, we're still in Fiji. In case you weren't sure, despite the island vegetation and crystal blue waters, the editors helpfully provided a caption explaining, with ultrasimplicity, "Fiji." The roommates speed off somewhere in a small motorboat that doesn't look nearly big enough to hold the number of people contained within. Karamo wears a lifejacket and clutches the side of the boat fearfully. I think someone is a nervous swimmer! MJ interviews that the landscape is beautiful, and looks like the Amazon. The roommates exit their speedboat and get onto a raft that looks even less sturdy than the boat. It looks like something the contestants on Survivor would have to make during a challenge. They pull into a beach somewhere and grab inner tubes for a float down the river, followed by a jump from a waterfall.
Shavonda interviews that she has a fear of water (man, she has a lot of fears, doesn't she? ["well, mentally challenged people are 45 to 65% water, so..." -- Wing Chun]), and she wonders, if she starts to drown, whether or not someone will save her. Yeah, they're just going to let her drown. And on national television, no less. She is such an idiot. The tubes reach a part of the river that runs a little faster, and Landon yells that there are rapids coming up. The cameras dart and dive all over the place, trying to make the tiny waves look like raging rapids. The roommates swim their tubes over to a ledge, so that they can climp up the hill and jump off the waterfall. Landon goes first, and then Melanie, and MJ. Shavonda hesitates, and Landon encourages her. Shavonda interviews that Landon promised he wouldn't let anything happen to her, and that it made her comfortable. Landon and Shavonda jump from the platform together.
Back at their hotel, Landon and Shavonda dance in a restaurant. Karamo and Sarah dance to them. Melanie interviews that Shavonda and Landon have "caught the romantic bug" and are getting closer. Shavonda babbles something about her G-spot. I don't know. Sarah interviews that Landon really cares for Shavonda, and looks at her like she's a goddess. Landon's crush on Shavonda makes me like him less. Sarah jokes that she hasn't slow-danced since seventh grade, and Shavonda demonstrates the technique used by junior-high kids the world over, where the girl puts her arms around the guy's neck, and they rock back and forth with about a foot of space between them.
The day, the roommates go on a bus tour and arrive at a place to go sandboarding. It's basically sledding on sand. The roommates struggle up the hill. Landon dives on his stomach and slides down the hill. Willie, Karamo, and MJ go . The only problem with this activity is that when the board hits the grass at the bottom of the hill, it stops, but your body has momentum and keeps going, so you go flying off the board. Fun! It's kind of like when you used to try to go sledding in, like, March, and there was hardly any snow left, so you'd hit a grassy patch and just go flying. Plus, you'd get soaking wet because the snow was just a pile of slush. Landon executes a midair roll before landing on his belly on the board. Showoff. The girls give it a shot, and Sarah eats some sand as the guys laugh at her.
They get back on the bus. Willie says he loves it in Fiji and wants to build a house. Landon points out the huge waves breaking. They stop at a beach somewhere, and Sarah takes off her top for tanning. Landon is wearing swim trunks and a spike choker that looks like a dog collar. He looks like an idiot. He is way too frat-boy for that necklace, and regardless, no one should wear that without a shirt. Like if some punk or goth guy was wearing it with a black t-shirt and some eyeliner, fine. Shavonda interviews that she looks up to Sarah in a strange way, but that she doesn't feel ready to lay out topless like Sarah does.
MJ rows up in a kayak. The girls encourage Landon to pull his pants down to tan his butt. Shavonda interviews that Landon has a nice body, which she never noticed before. Landon goes for a swim and then runs up onto the beach, holding his swim trunks in front of him. Shavonda sprays tanning oil on his butt. Man, I can't think of many places that would be more uncomfortable to have a sunburn than your ass. Maybe the bottoms of your feet. Shavonda interviews that Landon has a nice ass. Sarah goes for a topless swim and peer-pressures Shavonda to join her. Shavonda interviews that she's nervous about going topless, and that she wants to do it, but she's not ready yet. Good God, it's just your boobs. It's not like losing your virginity.
That night, the roommates decide to play Truth or Dare. Sarah asks Karamo how many inches long his penis is, but we don't get to hear the answer. Landon dares Shavonda to French-kiss Sarah, and she does, and of course they show that. Karamo puts someone underwear on his head. Ew. Landon pulls his pants down, and Karamo looks impressed as Shavonda squeals. Landon dares Shavonda to make out with him for thirty seconds. Oh, Lord. That's nothing she hasn't done before. Willie counts it out as Shavonda lies on top of Landon and kisses him. Karamo interviews that there's lust in the air, and that he's disgusted. Like that's grosser than putting someone's dirty underwear on your head.
The roommates are back on the bus, but I'm not sure if this is the same bus tour they showed yesterday, or a different one. I think it's different, because Sarah's hair is in braids today. Landon talks about a girl he dated who would never use her tongue when she kissed him. Sarah tells Landon that he's a good kisser, and Landon returns the compliment. Shavonda asks if she's a good kisser, fishing for compliments. Sarah and Landon both say that she is, and Landon adds that she has full lips. Landon interviews that he was always attracted to Shavonda, but hadn't considered dating someone outside his race. Like she's an alien or something. Landon says that he had never kissed a black girl before Shavonda.
Landon asks Shavonda if he can pull out all the little hairs in her armpit. Um, can she pull out yours? Why would he ask that? MJ agrees that it's disgusting. Well, I think the hair on his head is disgusting, but I don't ask if I can pull that out. Actually, I might if I met him. Shavonda squeals and whines and generally tries to call everyone's attention to the fact that two boys are paying attention to her. Karamo comments to Sarah that "those Wonder Twins disgust the hell out of [him]." Sarah says they're not so bad, but Karamo disagrees. Karamo adds that he doesn't think Shavonda gives enough attention to her culture. Because she doesn't hang out with him? I sort of get what Karamo was saying when he told Shavonda that she ignored her heritage, but what exactly should she be doing right now to honor her culture? Not let people see her armpit hair? Not tell the boys that they smell like vinegar? Which she just did. If Karamo just wants Shavonda to act more mature and less boy-crazy, that has nothing to do with race.
The roommates go on yet another small boat cruise and drink champagne. The boat drops anchor, and Landon and Sarah jump into the water. They try to convince Shavonda to join them. Shavonda interviews that she can't swim against currents or tides, and that big bodies of water scare her. Jesus. She's not swimming the English Channel. Just grab a life jacket and go, or don't, but stop standing on the deck and squealing and encouraging people to beg you to jump in. God, she's annoying. Karamo tells Shavonda that the Negroes have to get in the water. Everyone gives Shavonda lots of attention, which is what she wants. Shavonda interviews that she's trying to conquer her fears while she's in Fiji. The roommates all hold hands and jump into the water. Shavonda thanks everyone for helping her.
A storm comes up. Landon and Melanie dance in the rain. Karamo interviews that the weather is horrible, and that they need to get to land where it will be safe. In the dark, the roommates take a smaller boat to land. Willie thinks the whole thing is very exciting, due to the lightning and thunder.
“ Oh! And I forgot to mention that they charged money to get in! How fucking tacky is that! They claimed they were giving the money 'to breast cancer' (Breast Cancer says thanks!), but that's like charging a cover at your wedding or something. ”
Sarah wonders where Shavonda is, and Willie says that she's with the boys. Sarah thinks she's with Landon, and Karamo looks disapproving. Cut to Landon and Shavonda making out on the beach in the dark. Landon interviews that it's nice to share this romantic moment with Shavonda. They go into their lodge, and Landon comments that it looks like a honeymoon suite. They hop into a bed surrounded by mosquito netting, and we go to break.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was the new show on MTV called My Super Sweet 16, which chronicles some ridiculously oversized party given by teenage girls. So there have been two episodes so far, but the most awesome one was definitely the "coming-out party" given by two girls named Jacqueline and Lauren. So Jacqueline, a Kristin Davis lookalike, is both beautiful and sweet, if a bit spoiled. And Lauren is a total diva and bitch. And clearly completely jealous of her friend. This was best exemplified by a sequence where Saks Fifth Avenue shut down an entire floor to accommodate their dress-shopping trip, and Jacqueline tried on dress after dress and looked awesome in all of them, while Lauren just creepily stared at her and looked pissed off. So finally Jacqueline settles on this black BCBG minidress, and Lauren goes and finds almost the same dress and announces that she's going to buy it. The fuck? Bitch is crazy. And they were getting way too much enjoyment out of handing out their invitations to an exclusive seven-hundred-person list, and apparently people ended up scalping invitations and trying to forge VIP passes. And these ballsy twelve-year-old girls tried to bluff their way in, which was pretty awesome. Oh! And I forgot to mention that they charged money to get in! How fucking tacky is that! They claimed they were giving the money "to breast cancer" (Breast Cancer says thanks!), but that's like charging a cover at your wedding or something. And the editors made sure we understood the disparity between Lauren and Jacqueline by showing their preparations for the party; Lauren bitched at her father (who was paying for the party) and took cell-phone calls while getting her makeup done and hair extensions put in, while Jacqueline went for a jog with her cousins and practiced the piano. So the night of the party, Pauly Shore showed up. Of course he did! What else does he have to do? And he totally hit on the birthday girls. And then the band started playing and people started moshing, and Jacqueline got dragged into it and got punched in the face. At the end of the night, Jacqueline was happy and walked around and thanked everyone, including the cops, while Lauren just bitched that it was nothing special and her feet hurt. And it was awesome.